


Seasons Change But People Don't

by fenn10



Series: Season's Change But People Don't [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bottom Dean, Childhood Friends, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Highschool AU, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Memory Loss, Slow Build, Smut, Top Castiel, Tutor Castiel, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-03-01 03:57:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 59
Words: 175,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2758742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenn10/pseuds/fenn10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey lovelies. The name is based off of Fall Out Boy's song The Take Over, The Breaks Over.<br/>Check it out. :)</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey lovelies. The name is based off of Fall Out Boy's song The Take Over, The Breaks Over.  
> Check it out. :)

_“Failing?!”_

Dean couldn't believe it. He knew he wasn’t always the best student. Sure, he shrugged off studying and skipped some classes, but failing?

“Ugh,” he mumbled under his breath. Dad’s gonna love this, he thought miserably.

Senior year. It had always seemed like this was going to be the easy year. Sitting around in class, hanging out with his best friends, maybe a good party every once and awhile. Looking up, he realized Mrs. Koonz was still watching him through thin rimmed glasses.

“It is still midterm, Dean. As long as you stay on top of your work and make up few assignments, you should still be on track to graduate.” She had that look in her eye. God, he hated that look; the look of pity on his poor soul. “Here,” she said, handing him a piece of paper.

“Castiel Novak?” he murmured in confusion. “Who’s this?” He said, trying to keep the skepticism out of his voice.

“He’s a student in my fourth hour. I believe he can help you catch up on a few of your writing assignments. He’s usually in the school library the last hour of the day as a volunteer.” Noting the quizzical look on his face, Mrs. Koonz finished with, “Look, Dean... you’re a good student. You’re intelligent. Don’t sell yourself short before you take a shot.”

“Er... thanks, teach.” Excusing himself, Dean walked out of her classroom. How was he going to explain this one?  Absentmindedly, he stuffed the little piece of paper in his backpack and continued down the hall to meet Sammy by the front doors.

“Dean!” a voiced called behind him.

Turning to look, he saw Charlie running after him, her red hair bouncing as she pushed past a group of people in her way.

“Hey! Are you coming over for our Star Wars showdown tomorrow night?" she asked as she fell into step beside him.

“Um.” He didn’t want her to feel like he didn’t want to go. Star Wars Fridays were the highlight of his week, but he did have a paper to write for English that he hadn’t even started. Seeing the look of worry on Dean’s face, Charlie stopped.

“You ditchin’ out on me, Winchester?” she questioned.

Dean didn’t know how she did it, but she always made him feel like a kid. He couldn’t even keep a single lie from her.

“No, Charlie, I swear, it’s not what you think. It’s just this paper for Mrs. Koonz class. It’s kickin’ my ass.” He conveniently left out the part where he hadn’t even started.

“I’ll believe you this time, but if you can you should still come. It’s not the same with just me and Kevin. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid like the short lil’ Asian brother I always wanted, but it’s not the same without your sailor mouth yelling with us.” Smirking she pulled her backpack back up on her shoulder. “Look Deanie, I gotta go meet my ma, but call me if you’re comin’, yeah?” She hollered a goodbye as she drifted back into the crowd and disappeared.

Sammy was sitting on the steps with his head down in a book. Friggin’ nerd, Dean thought.

“Hey, squirt.” He said as he sat down next to his brother.

Startled, Sam looked up. “Dean, where have you been? It’s like twenty minutes after school ended. Please, don’t tell me you were off with Lisa.”

Dean laughed, “Why, little brother? Jealous?” he grinned, knowing it would make his brother squirm.

“NO, Dean, gross. My butt is just freezing from waiting forever.” With a grimace Sam got up and tucked his book back into his bag.

“Girl,” Dean whispered, “Let’s just go home. How ‘bout we make some burgers tonight? I don’t think Dad’s gonna be back till Monday.”

With a sigh, Dean popped the trunk of his impala and threw his books and bag in the back. Slamming the trunk a bit too hard, he climbed into the driver’s side and half-listened to Sammy tell him all about his day.

Fucking fuck fuck, he thought, I’ve got to pass this stupid class.

Almost home and zoning out to the eighth degree, Dean barely heard Sammy shriek. “DEAN WATCH IT!”

Coming back to reality he noticed a kid walking across the crosswalk. Barely stopping with a squeal from his tires, Dean looked up at the kid who stood with a deer-like gaze at him. He was a bit hunched, holding a couple of books tightly with eyes wide.  His hair was pushed in all directions, but whether or not that was from the wind was debateable. A trench coat hung off his shoulders.

“The fuck...” Dean wondered. A punch hit his arm.

“Dean. Go apologize.” Sammy was looking at him like he had actually hit the guy.

Knowing Sammy would never let it go, he begrudgingly got out of his car. The street was empty aside from the boy still frozen in the crosswalk, and a chill swept by, giving Dean goose bumps as it blew under his leather coat.

“You okay, kid?” Dean called, not leaving the driver’s side door. The kid nodded slowly like he was coming back from his near-death experience.

“Dean.” Sam said harshly.

Sighing for what felt like the millionth time that day, Dean strolled closer to the guy. The kid actually stepped back like Dean was gonna hurt him.

“Whoa, dude, just checkin on ya.” Dean held up his hands in surrender. “You uh…you want a ride home…or something?” Shifting back and forth on his feet he wondered if the guy was actually scared of him.

“Um. No, thank you.” A gruff voice came from the skinny boy.

Odd. It was the only word that came to mind when Dean looked at this kid. “Well, uh. I don’t mind. I did just, ya know, almost hit you. Also,” he looked back at the car toward Sammy, “My little brother will be pissed if I don’t repay you somehow.”

Looking from the car back to Dean the dark haired boy nodded slowly. “Um. Okay. I guess.”

“Cool,” Dean said, “Uh, you got a name?”

“Castiel.” Was all he said still looking perplexed.

Definitely odd. “Well, uh, just climb in back and point the way, Maestro.”

Flipping instantly in his seat, Sammy turned to the new kid. “Hi!” he grinned, “I’m Sam, the tall stupid one is my brother Dean. I’m sorry he almost hit you.” A near pout filled his face.

“It’s fine…” the boy mumbled. “Um, my house is just down the street on your left…third house down.” He spoke in the same deep voice.  In Dean’s opinion, it was too old to match his young face.

Following his directions, Dean wondered briefly if the kid was sick or something. No way any kid’s voice was that deep. “What grade you in, Cas?” he asked before his brain clicked that it was an odd question. Fuck, I don’t even know this kid. Why do I care?

Deep blue eyes found his in the rear view mirror. “A senior.  Is that…pertinent?”

Dean thought to himself, God, this kid talks weird, but said,“Uh, no I guess not.  Just tryin’ to make conversation.” He shifted in his seat. Why was this block and a half so long? Pulling up to a tall gray and white house on his left he asked, “This you?”

Nodding once, Castiel opened his door, “Thank you, Dean. Nice to meet you, Sam.” And with that, he got out and walked purposefully towards his front door. With a glance back, he awkwardly started to wave, then thought better of it and lowered his hand.

“Odd.” Dean finally shared his opinion of the stranger with Sammy.

“Really, Dean?” Sammy glared at him. For a 14 year old, the kid had the bitch face down to an art.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Just after four, Castiel headed home from the school. The library hours were tedious without company. Wind was flying every direction, making his hair even more uncontrollable. Frustrated, Castiel shoved his glasses in his coat pocket. They really weren't doing anything except building resistance to the wind, making them slide on his face anyway. Reaching what he assumed was the crosswalk to his street, everything blurred by his lack of glasses, he squinted both directions and started across the street. Before he made it even half way he heard tires squeal.

Oh my god, I'm dead, he thought quickly. But no pain came. Squinting one eye open he looked at the car properly. Despite the blurriness he could see that the car was big and black, but he couldn’t make out much else. I think know that car, he told himself, but he couldn't place his finger on it. I really need to invest in contacts.

Suddenly, the driver's door opened and a voice called to him. "You okay, kid?"

Still staring at the car in shock, he tried to focus on the voice talking to him. He knew it...Dean.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_Castiel was five when his father passed away. He was always a quiet kid, but after his father's death he became more distant. He remembered how his mother would send him out to play when he'd been inside too long. Often, he wandered by his own choice. His mother spent most days crying, praying, and yelling. No matter how many times Castiel tried to cheer her up, she fell back into her sobs. Now he understood it was because he looked like his father._

_One day while wandering, Castiel found a boy a little bit younger than him sitting on the curb crying. Naturally he sat by him and did his best to sound confident. "No more crying, I don't like watching people cry." He said softly to the dark haired boy._

_The boy looked up through his tears. "Dean?" He asked looking for recognition in the older boy's face. When he saw none, his voice broke and repeated, "Dean." This time with sorrow._

_Castiel didn't know what to do. He stood and offered his hand to the smaller boy. "Find Dean?" He asked._

_Nodding, the brown haired boy got to his feet and took Castiel’s hand._

_Continuing down the street, Castiel started to look for an adult he recognized or someone who looked like a 'Dean'. Before he knew it, he realized this was the farthest he walked by himself._

_"Sammy!" A voiced yelled behind them. A sandy haired boy rushed over to them. Before Castiel could speak, the boy he had been toting, 'Sammy' he now guessed, ran towards the new boy approaching. The two boys hugged and Castiel assumed the boy was Dean._

_Seeing the boys together he noticed they both had the same green eyes. Brothers, he told himself._

_The older boy reached out his hand. "Thank you," he said in a serious voice, like he was trying to be older._

_"I'm Castiel." He took the boy's hand. "You talk old, but you're little. Like me." That brought a smile to the stranger's face._

_"Dean," he said simply. "I gotta be older. Sammy is my responsibility. Plus,” he said with a wink, “I'm already six." He grinned proudly._

_"But you're little. I'm five.." Castiel repeated, determined to prove he was right._

_Laughing Dean spoke again. "I like you. Cass-e-somethin’. Wanna go to that park with me and Sammy tomorrow?" He pointed across the street and continued, "Daddy is still gone and Pamie is watchin’ us."_

_Castiel nodded, hoping he could find the park the next day. Without speaking, he ran back the way he came and made sure to smile back at Dean and Sammy before they were out of sight._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Time returned when he heard Dean call to him again. He jumped when he realized he was standing next to him.

“Whoa, dude, just checkin on ya.” Dean paused with his hands in surrender. “You uh…you want a ride home…or something?”

Before Castiel let himself fall into another flashback, he spoke. “Um. No, thank you.” Trying to remain neutral, he attempted to keep his voice nonchalant. He’s still pretty, he thought, then realized Dean was still talking. Putting together the idea that Dean was insisting on driving him home, he nodded, “Um. Okay. I guess,” and walked over to Dean's car. After 'introducing' himself, he gave the boy directions and then devoted his full attention on not blushing when Dean looked at him in the rear view mirror.

Once inside his house, he realized he had blanked on how he got from Dean's car, to his doorstep, and inside. Reaching in his pocket, he replaced his glasses, pushing them up on his nose, and headed toward the kitchen.

“Castiel? Honey, is that you?” Anna strode into the room wearing an apron covered in flour. Wiping her hands, she smiled at her son. While his mother’s eyes were an emerald green, his shone with a deeper, almost cobalt blue. Not to mention, his hair was pitch black while hers was a fiery red. When he was younger, he’d always adored her hair and pouted more than once that it wasn’t a trait they shared. It wasn’t until one day that his mother said lazily, “I’m so glad you look like your daddy,” that Castiel truly appreciated their differences. He was all that his mother had left, and it felt good to give her some sort of happiness.

“Somethin’ happen today?” she asked, knowing the look on his face was different than normal.

“Um. No. Not Particularly.” Cas replied in his usual voice, although Anna could see a faint smile behind his stoic face. Castiel turned with a smile, hanging his coat on a chair, and then offered to help with dinner. It was just the two of them and there wasn’t much to cook, but he always offered anyways. It felt like he was giving at least something back.

“No, I’m almost done. Why don’t you finish your homework, and then we’ll eat. Okay?” She smiled, knowing that if Castiel wanted to tell her, she would find out. He nodded once, then quietly walked up the staircase to his room.

When he got to his bed, Castiel curled his legs up and pulled out the book they’d been reading for English. Pride & Prejudice. The class had all mocked the book. Some of the students had even groaned upon learning they had to read a book that was for “girls”. He hadn’t thought much about the book before, other than he knew it was popular. For the first night their teacher had assigned the first chapter, but as three a.m. rolled around, Castiel realized he’d read most of the book. It was intriguing.

He felt he related to Elizabeth in a way. Maybe not the feeling to ‘marry well’ but the feeling of being slightly on the outside of the world looking in. The view of looking for a world to fit, to belong, and to love oneself. Maybe he wasn’t accomplishing all of that, but he felt as if he knew her.  Lying on his side, he looked over at his backpack. There really wasn’t much homework for him to do. He had done it all in the library at school. As the light from the window poured in the room, he found himself drifting out of consciousness. A little nap never hurt anyone, right? was his last thought.

Thunder cracked and Castiel woke with a start. Squinting, he looked over the alarm clock. The numbers 8:15 flashed in red against the darkness from outside. Grunting, he sat up and wondered vaguely why his mother hadn’t woken him up. A few stumbling steps later he made it to the kitchen. A sticky note was on the fridge.

You looked so tired and I didn’t want to wake you. There are sloppy joe ingredients in the fridge and buns in the cupboard. I went to Hester’s for Book Club. Don’t stay up all night!!!

A winky face was drawn at the end. Castiel wasn’t one to be up past midnight, even in the summer. Rolling his eyes, he pulled out things for his dinner and plopped down on the sofa in the living room.

Flicking between channels, he found a documentary that was looking into a pit that people called ‘the doorway to hell’. Intrigued by the stories and ludicrous theories, he was surprised when he heard the front door open.

“Hey Hon, thought you would’ve been asleep by now.” Anna said in a sleepy voice.

Turning slowly, he realized just how tired his mom looked. She always put in extra hours at the office. Not that they were tight on money, but he assumed she needed it to take away from the pain that plagued her. Castiel knew his mom felt his father was all that she ever needed. He just wished he could help her fill the void his father left behind.

“I got distracted,” he said in a small voice, “I guess I slept too much today. I won’t be much longer.”

Smiling softly, she walked over and ruffled his already messed up hair. “I wasn’t worried, Hon.” Chuckling, she put her coat over the side of the couch. “I’m gonna head up to bed. I’ve got a long day at work tomorrow.” She kissed the top of his head tenderly and disappeared upstairs.

I’m gonna make it right one day, Castiel vowed to himself silently. Turning back to TV, he realized his program had ended. He quietly took care of his dishes from dinner and climbed back up the stairs. Maybe I’ll talk to Dean tomorrow, was his last thought as he drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies. You're welcome to come find me on tumblr. 
> 
> mysandwichdidntdoanything
> 
> then you can keep up with all the madness i put into this. :P


	2. Chapter 2

“DEAN. SO HELP ME, WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!” Sammy was pounding on the bathroom door.

Dean already knew they were late. Making weird faces at himself in the mirror, he sighed for the billionth time in 24 hours. Resigning to the inevitable, he opened the door to see Sammy making another bitch face.

“For fuck’s sake, Sammy,” he rolled his eyes, “we’re always late. Deal with it.” He knew it wasn’t the nicest thing to say. It wasn’t Sam’s fault that Dean didn’t want to go. A hurt look hit Sammy’s face and he ran downstairs. Fuck. Sam hadn’t even hit him for cursing. He’d have to apologize to him later, but he was still pissy from being up early and bowed his head in submission. He went downstairs to grab a poptart from the pantry. Breakfast of champions, he thought as he climbed into his Impala with Sammy.

Sam sat with one leg curled up and a fixed gaze out the window, determined not to look at Dean. The drive was eerily quiet and both boys were too stubborn to break the silence.

When they finally pulled up to the school, Dean parked and said, “Listen, Sam.” He was careful not to call him Sammy. Realizing this was serious, Sam turned around a bit confused. “I’m sorry. It’s uh. Not your fault I’m in a bad mood. It’s just school stuff…..I’ll try to be on time in the future.” Scratching the back of his head he glanced up at Sam hoping for some sort of forgiveness in his eyes.

“It's okay, Dean,” then after a moment. “Thank you.” He slid out of the car and walked promptly up to the school building.

Letting his head rest down on the steering wheel, Dean closed his eyes slowly tapping his forehead on the wheel till he could no longer put off going to school. I’ll go talk to that library geek kid today after school. He had to graduate. Not for his dad, or even for himself. He couldn’t bear the look that would undoubtedly stare back at him from Sammy’s face if he didn’t. Sam tried so hard in school; top of his grade, constant favorite of teachers, smart kid. I’m gonna do this, Dean promised himself. Begrudgingly, but with new determination, he set off towards his second period. _At least it’s Auto_ , he thought, _Bobby won’t be too upset with me_.

Although it was his favorite class, Dean couldn’t help but zone out most of the hour. It wasn’t as though he didn’t know all of this already. He’d fixed Baby up so much that all this class taught was things he’d learned by the time he was fifteen. Without batting an eye, Dean had even answered all the questions Mr. Singer threw at him when he thought he wasn’t paying attention.

 _It’s not like I’ll even to go college_ , Dean thought hopelessly. It was Sammy who would make it. Not that his father would be around to help Sammy with school. Maybe if Sam found a nice scholarship, Dean could just work at the auto shop and send money to him. “Ugh. I hate this,” Dean found himself saying out loud accidently. Looking up quickly he glanced to see if anyone heard him. It was only the small boy in front of him that heard. Alfie…or something. “Sorry man,” Dean mumbled and continued to look out the window.

The day seemed to drag on. It was one of those days where minutes passed like hours. It was, however, a rare day in October where the sun was out, which made Dean want nothing more than to take Baby out to the canyon and let the cool breeze blow on his face. When his last class, Math, ended at last he wandered outside to find Sammy and tell him he was going to be a minute.

As he came down the steps, he realized Sammy wasn't alone today. Sitting by him was a girl with long blonde hair that almost reached the ground where they were sitting. Upon seeing Dean, Sam jumped a little.

“Hey, Dean, uh, this is Jess.” He said, pointing to the girl next to him.

Dean gave her a once over and said, “My, oh my. You are way out of my brother’s league.” He smirked as Sammy blushed, and Jess laughed. “Anyway,” Dean started again, “I gotta run to the library to uh, get some stuff…for homework. Is it cool if you chill here for like half an hour?”

Sam gave skeptical look, “You? Staying after school?” there was mocking in his voice but Dean caught a little hint of awe.

Shaking his head he laughed “Har, har, har. Yeah, I’ll be done in a bit. No flirting you two.” With a wink he strolled back up the steps to the school. He could almost hear the blood rushing to Sammy’s face again. What a little playa, he thought, finally takin’ after his old bro.

Dean found the school kind of eerie walking through it with most of the kids gone. Usually it was full of curse words, shoving, garbage, and some couple somewhere gnawing at each other’s faces. Now he could hear his footsteps as he walked down the deserted halls. It was kind of nice, the quiet. Pushing the library door, he realized he’d only ever been in here maybe once or twice in his entire time here.  Shrugging, he wondered why he never came in here more often. It was like the quiet of the halls, but with more serenity. Just as he was coming to terms with this new place, he turned and ran into someone. There was the sound of books falling to the floor.

He quickly apologized. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.” Bending down, he picked up what remained of the books on the floor and looked up at the figure he’d hit. It was that kid…what was his name? The one he almost hit with his car. Charles…Chad…Cassssper? Hell. I’m horrible, Dean thought. “Oh. You’re the kid.” He said stupidly.

Pushing up a pair of glasses on his face he looked at Dean in the eye. “Yeah, that would be me. I believe you are Dean, correct?” the kid muttered almost nervous.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about the books. Ha, maybe I just have some inner demon that wants to knock you over.” Dean said nonchalantly. He had to admit the lack of oversize trench coat and the addition glasses did wonders for the kid. His eyes were the same though, a deep blue. _Cobalt, almost_ , he decided to himself. “I might be the most horrible person ever, but what was your name again?”

“Not to worry, it’s usual. Castiel.” He held out his hand for Dean to shake.

Definitely an odd duck, he figured. “Dean.” He said back then continued, “But you knew that. Uh. Are you the student Ms. Koonz told me about?” he asked.

Grinning Castiel replied, “Yes, I am. Ms. Koonz is nice enough to send me people so that I may help them with school work.” At Dean’s confused look he finished with, “It benefits me because I have to submit hours for one of my honors classes and helping students definitely gives me more experience than organizing books.” He sort of half smiled at this like he had said something clever or witty. Continuing he said, “Which assignment are you struggling with?”

Dean shifted uncomfortably. “all of them…but this midterm paper? Its friggin’ impossible.” He let out the rest of his breath and looked down at the floor. I’m so. Stupid. Dean thought miserably.

“You’re not stupid, Dean.” Castiel said in a matter of fact voice.

Dean looked up, “So you’re a mind reader?” he said with a half smile.

“No,” the dark haired boy murmured, “I know the look from many of the students that come in here. Let’s start with the Mid-term paper because it seems to be giving you the most stress.” Seating himself down at a table he motioned for Dean to join him.

Dean dropped into his chair and gave Castiel an expectant look. “So. English.”

Castiel didn’t roll his eyes or even frown at him. Instead, he smiled. “Yes, Dean. English.”

For another twenty minutes he had Dean outline the major points that the teacher wanted to see in his essay and then asked if he had any ideas about what he wanted to focus his topic on. Dean felt a bit more confident. Maybe it was Cas’ encouraging attitude or the fact that a student his age was willing to explain in simpler terms his homework. He looked calm as he explained the more important details and made puppy eyes that could give Sam a run for his money when he asked if he needed to clarify information more.  

Cas looked up suddenly mid-sentence,”-I don’t mean to be rude…but you’re staring.” He said simply.

Dean felt his face go bright red and looked down instantly. “I’m sorry, I-I-I didn’t realize. Um. Wanna pick this up another day?” he shifted the papers on the table trying to shove them in his backpack. A few went flying and he silently cursed himself for being a klutz. When he gathered up the misplaced papers he sat up.

“That…would be fine.” Castiel said softly. A slight hint of regret was in his face. “Here,” he said quickly, and slid a sticky note across the table. “it’s my number…for when you get to a place that you’re stuck.” A small smile spread on Cas’ face.

Still embarrassed by the sudden outburst and desire to leave he took the paper from Castiel without looking. “Thanks, Cas.” He smiled apologetically back at him. “I forgot I need to take Sammy home. Did you…want a ride?” Why am I still talking, he thought.

Taken aback Castiel shifted in his seat and folded his hands on his lap. “Cas?” he inquired.

Dean looked at him blankly, “…did I mispronounce it again?” _For fucks sake_ , he thought, _this dude's name is as crazy as he is_. Instantly he regretted this thought when Cas laughed.

“Hahah, no. It’s just a shorted version of my name.” he chuckled. Castiel couldn't help himself. He knew he had to act as normal as possible but Dean’s little eyebrow raise and pouty face was almost priceless. _Calm down Novak_ , he told himself. “No one calls me that. Apologies, Dean.” The look that came on Dean’s face was just as adorable. Oh my god, Castiel, do not think of him as adorable, he chastised himself mentally.

“No one? No one calls you Cas?” he said with an incredulous look on his face. “For fucks sake man. You have an odd name.” _Shit,_ Dean thought, _That was rude_.

Cas’ smile faltered a little. “Nope, not even my mother calls me Cas. I guess you’re the first Dean.”

“I’m sorry Cas. I don’t mean to offend you, but, uh, where’s it come from?” he asked trying to move past the awkwardness that filled the air.

“The angel of Thursday,” he replied automatically, “my father picked it out.” He had heard the story so many times. His father had been a religious man with sights set of “fulfilling all of God’s commands” Castiel assumed fathering a child meant his father crossed off the “replenish the earth” bullet point.

“Were you born on a Thursday?” Dean inquired.

“No,” Cas said with a smile, “It was one of about eight angel names that my mother liked.” When his mother was feeling nostalgic she talked about the other angel names his father suggested. Cas listed a few for Dean. “Some of other choices were Uriel, Azazel, Ramel, but you know he couldn’t do anything simple like Raphael.”

“Like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?” Dean smiled, Cas looked happy when he talked about his mother. A pang of heartbreak hit Dean suddenly but pushed it aside. “Castiel fits you,” He said a moment later under his breath. Before the other boy could reply Dean got up from his seat and waved over his shoulder

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Castiel didn't know what was going faster his heart or his thoughts. Dean didn't completely hate him. As Dean looked back one more time to smile before he left the library Castiel felt his heart skip a beat. He knew he was being pathetic but he didn't care. Straightening his glasses he smiled inwardly. Getting a smile from Dean was more than he could have asked for. _God I'm stupid_  he thought. Clearing his mind he picked up the books he and Dean had used for research and placed them in their proper spot. Not fifteen minutes after Dean left the library the door opened again.

"Cassie!" Charlie called. Castiel hadn't really lied when he said no one called him Cas. The only other nickname he got was from the girl in his art class.

"Hello Charlie," he grinned. He had come to enjoy his friendship with Charlie. She was the only person outside his mother who knew he was gay. 

"What's got you so happy?" She said with a wicked grin on her face. Castiel rolled his eyes. "Nothing, he stated calmly but turned quickly so she wouldn't see the color in his cheeks. 

"Cassie, deary. Come on. Who am I gonna tell?" A sing song voice said behind him. Castiel couldn't see her face but he could practically feel her raised eyebrows at him. 

"Who's the new guy who caught your pretty eye." She said with a tone of laughter. 

 As he turned around he confirmed the look on her face. Her face was lit up with curiosity. One eyebrow was up, and she was leaning on the library counter with a gloating smile on her face. 

"Can we not dwell on it Charlie? It's never gonna happen anyway." Castiel said with a small sigh.  What was I thinking. Dean Winchester? Paying attention to me? He thought miserably. 

"Castiel Novak. You listen to me. I am your best friend..."

"Only friend," Castiel interrupted with a smirk.

"BEST friend." She emphasized again. "Deary, tell me. Come on. Please?" She put her best puppy eyes on and Castiel couldn't help but smile. 

"Okay. But you can't laugh. He's totally straight and attractive and popular and, God! Am I nerd!" He finished then put his head down in the counter."I'm so sunk Charlie."

Charlie looked at her friend. "Ugh Cassie," she said as she spinned around and settled on petting his dark hair. "What have I always told you? No one is fully straight they just aren't aware of their gay side" she smiled, "Also you're definitely hot enough to change a guy's sexuality. Trust me."

Castiel looked up at her, head still on the counter. With a deep breath he announced, "Dean Winchester." then turned his head toward the table again face flaring up as red as Charlie's hair. 

"Oh, honey," she soothed. "At least it's not just some dick."

Castiel pulled his head up finally. "What do you mean? He's popular, tall, and beautiful. Of course he's like the rest of them," he said, more arguing with himself than with her.

"Was he here?!" Charlie asked surprised."did he say something rude? I swear to Moondoor I will kick his ass." She vowed. 

"Calm the flame," Castiel joked. "He was here. No, he wasn't rude, I was just awkward. Ugh, talking to boys sucks." Tempted to put his head back on the counter, but Charlie's caught him in her hands.

"Listen to me, Novak. Dean Winchester is way softer than he lets on. Don't give up. Also, I approve," She said confidently. "I'll talk to him."

"You?! You know Dean?" He said incredulously. 

"Course, dork. He's my other bestie. And you know how I don't hang out with straight people." She smirked.

"Dean's gay?!" He whispered in surprise.

Charlie laughed, "Honestly, I don't know. But he's somethin’ Cassie. I'll throw your name into conversation." Her face changed from a light disposition to a stern one. "Don't ever let me hear you say you aren't good enough for someone again, you hear?!" With a pat on his cheek she grabbed her Tardis bag and strolled towards the door. "Call you this weekend, Gorgeous," she teased and walked through the door. 

Castiel had to admit while it was a long day it was one of the best he'd had all year.

When the clock finally struck 4 Castiel grabbed his backpack and trench coat. When the wind blew past him cold and bitter, yet he still couldn't wipe the grin off his face. 

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Just after nine Dean arrived home from the Bobby's shop. Determined to get something done, he grabbed a hot pocket and went to his room dumping his homework on his bed. As soon as he organized his essay again his phone rang, and Charlie's picture popped up. Worrying how mad she'd be when he said he wasn't coming tonight he answered with a slight cringe. 

"Hey Charlie." He tried to sound casual. He was caught off guard by the yelling.

"DEAN!" She yelled in his ear. 

"Jesus. Charlie. What?" He mumbled switching ears to relieve the other one. 

"I know something you don't know." She hummed. 

Definitely the sister I never wanted, he thought. "And what would that be?" He chuckled to her anyways. He was just happy she wasn't mad at him. 

"Oh Deanie. Someone has the hots for you." She sung still. 

"Oh really? Is it Jo? Cuz that one was obvious."

"No, Dumbo." She criticized. “And I can't tell you. Just keep your eyes open. 'Kay?" There was a strange tone in her voice, but Dean couldn't identify it. "Anyways..." She continued, "are you comin’ tonight? Kevin said he's been practicing and he said he's gonna kick your butt."

Dean laughed, "He wishes. But I can't, Charlie. Koonz essay, remember? I swear I want nothing more to kill some Sith Lords, but I need to pass," for Sammy, he mentally noted. "Kick Kevin's ass for me?"

Charlie was quiet for moment,"Maybe you should get a tutor," she suggested, "but what do I know!" She quickly finished. "I'll call you on Sunday, and maybe the three of us can chill then?"

"Sounds good," Dean replied, "And I'm workin’ on the tutor thing actually." 

"Oh really?" She shot back, "and who are you gonna have tutor you? Sammy? Dude he's younger than you."

"Yeah, and Sammy is smarter than both of us. But nah, there's this kid I met today in the library. An odd duck for sure but he was alright," Dean finished lamely.

"Cool. Glad you're branching out of your bubble Dean." She paused for a moment. "Talk to you later, Kevin’s here."

"Alright, see ya’ Charlie." Dean hung up. "Weird." Why would she care if he was 'branching out'? Pushing the thought aside, he once again picked up his homework.

A knock fell on Dean's door. "For fucks sake," he whispered. "Come in," he called. Sammy peeked in the door. Poor kid looks spooked, Dean thought.

"H-hey Dean." Sam said with a bit of a crack in his voice. "C-can I ask you something?"

"Sammy. We've talked about this. Short and sweet. No chickflick moments," Dean said trying to hurry his brother and still get him gone quick as possible.

"Riiiight. So. Jess. The girl I was talking to?" Sam offered to jog Deans memory. "Anyway, something happened. I think? I don't know. Dean?" His eyes were pleading at his older brother.

"Puppy eyes? Sammy this must be bad," Dean chuckled. "Tell me what happened." With a heave he put down his binder again and turned to face Sammy then gestured toward the chair across the room.

Sam coughed as he sat down clearly nervous. "I think she wanted me to kiss her?"

Dean raised an eyebrow. "You wanna elaborate?"

"Well we were waiting by the fountain for you to come by. And we were just talking. And before I knew it I could see the different colors in her eyes and i could smell her perfume and she was so close." Sammy rushed through his story and then trailed off.

"Well?" Dean questioned.

"Well, what?"

"Hell, Sammy, did you kiss the girl or not." It was a statement not a question.

"No," Sam said wincing a little and waiting for Dean’s reaction.

"What did you do then? If a girl is that close, she usually wants you."

"I faked a yawn, and I think I said something about the weather."

Dean put his head in his hands. "Sammy, sammy, sammy." He looked up straight into his brother’s eyes. "Tomorrow. Talk to the girl. Hold her dainty lil hand and kiss her."

Horror came upon Sam's face. "All at the same time?"

"Fuck, no Sam! Don't act different than you usually do, just take her hand while you're walking in the hall or some shit. Then before I get there, kiss her. You'll be good as gold." Seeing that Sam's demeanor softened. He started pushing him back out his door. Sam still seated and all. "Now I got homework, but then I'm kicking your ass on Super Smash Brothers."

Sam got up out of the chair and promptly punched Dean in the arm three times. "No more swearing, Dean." Closing the door before Dean could punch him back, Sam started to laugh and Dean heard his footsteps go down the stairs.

"Poor dork," Dean mumbled then crawled over his bed and for the final time that night picked up his paper.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_Castiel found the park easily enough the next day. It also hadn't been hard to tell his mother he was going to go play although his mom did bundle him up from head to toe in a large coat, gloves, boots and a hat that was  far too big for his head. Castiel only got lost once before he saw the familiar playground, careful to look both ways he made it across the street and chose a swing. It was still early spring with remnants of snow on the ground and he could feel his nose starting to run from the cold air._

_Castiel had moved onto the slide after the swings. the sun had passed over a bit, feeling sleepy, he laid down in a tunnel connecting pieces of the playground to wait for his new found friends._

_He wasn't aware of how much time passed, but it seemed like he'd only just closed his eyes when he heard the boys._

_"Sammy, I don't think he's here."_

_"Here!" Sam insisted._

_Rolling onto his side, Castiel crawled up to all fours and peered just his head out of the tunnel. Dean too was also dressed in a  green coat that was too big but Sammy had what looked like a new red one which made the boys look like Christmas. Dean had his brother by the hand. Sammy was pointing toward to swings as Dean led him._

_Summoning all his courage, Castiel crept from his hiding place and walked slowly towards the brothers. Sammy noticed him first and yelled._

_"Dean! Here!"  The young boy had the largest grin on his face._

_Dean looked from behind his brother where he was pushing him and smiled._

_"Cas!" He beamed, "you came!"_

_Castiel held his hands in front of him and slowed as he walked. Dean stopped Sammy on the swing and together they met Castiel half way._

_"It's Castiel." He said in a small voice when they were close enough._

_Dean looked confused for a moment. His nose scrunched in concentration the said," Cas-si-el?" Seeing that Castiel winced he continued, "that's too hard. I'm gonna call you Cas." He finished with a smile hoping he wouldn't hurt his feelings._

_Determined Castiel said it a again slowly with more force. "Cas-ti-el" he insisted_

_"Why?" Dean asked. It wasn't a rude question but honest._

_"My daddy picked it." He said, his voice becoming small again. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the tunnel and hide._

_"I'm Sorry." Dean scratched his head and tried again, "Cas." He started confidently, "Tea. El." He smiled triumphantly._

_Castiel could feel a smile pull on his lips. He was about to tell Dean thank you but Sam interrupted._

_"Swing?" Sammy questioned._

_"Sammy, I wanna try the slide." Dean protested._

_"I can push him." Castiel hurried._

_Dean smiled softly, "you don't have to...he's my brother."_

_"I want to." Castiel admitted. He'd never had a brother or a sister._

_Dean paused for a minute more then agreed to Castiel's choice. Castiel stayed until the sun started to go. Happy he found friends to play with he quickly lost track of time. Suddenly, he looked up at the sun worryingly then announced._

_"I gotta go."_

_Dean had been watching Sammy and looked up at Castiel quickly. Castiel didn't even think to wave goodbye. He looked back once then ran home._

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

As usual, Monday rolled around before anyone was ready. Castiel had just finished his bowl of cereal when he glanced at the kitchen clock. 7:15 the numbers shone.

 _Odd_. He thought briefly. His mother was usually up and out by 7:00. Deciding he better check, Castiel climbed back upstairs to his mom's room and gave a small knock on her door. Her light was still off but a small "come in" came from within. Castiel poked just his head through the door.

"Mom?" He muttered, "how are you?" Fearing the worst Castiel inched a bit further. His mother was still curled up in her blanket with the covers drawn over her face, pieces of red hair streamed through small spaces and a single ray of light from the hallway created a large shadow of Castiel in the doorway. The blankets shifted and Anna's face emerged, dark circles were around her smiling eyes making them look sunken.

"I'm just feeling a bit under the weather today, sweetie." Her smile looked false and Castiel realized her eyes were red.

It's a bad one. He assumed then said, "Would  you like me to call into your work for you? I could stay home today and make you some soup?" He offered in an offhand way not wanting her to feel pressured.

"Would you call my work? And you don't need to stay, honey, I'll be okay." Her voice was still distant but Castiel figured it was good she was trying.

He nodded and excused himself. He called his mother's work and the school to mark him absent for the day. Sending a quick text to Charlie explaining he wouldn't be in art he then pulled on his coat and grabbed the keys to his mom's car and went to get supplies for chicken noodle soup.

By the time he got home, Charlie, as usual, was understanding and promised to take notes for him then deliver them after school. Castiel sent her a thank you and started on the soup.

After all the ingredients were in the pot, Castiel grabbed a cold water bottle, a cool rag, and some chocolate for his mother and started back up the stairs. Knocking again he received the same response and brought in his armful of 'cures'.

Anna smiled at her son, "You're  too sweet for me, Angel." She kissed the top if his head and he excused himself back downstairs to give her space.  

Sitting himself on the couch, Castiel flipped through channels eventually settling on a show about hunting ghosts. Not that he particularly believed in ghosts but it was entertaining to watch as the hosts "called" and "spoke" to spirits. He figured he better keep the volume low just in case his mom called for him. Castiel felt his eyes dropping and he settled into a corner of the couch his knees curled up to his chest he leaned back and let himself drift to sleep.

Castiel awoke to knocking on the door. Scratching his head he meandered toward the front door. He found Charlie on the other end.

He smiled, "Hey Charlie." He yawned and stretched his arms above his head.

"Nice look, hot stuff." She smirked at his messed up hair.

Castiel looked down at his outfit. He had only thrown on a hoodie and some old jeans. He also discovered during his nap he'd lost a sock. "Hot mess, indeed" he said with a laugh letting her in.

As if it were her own house Charlie plopped down on the couch and pulled out her backpack full of homework assignments for class. They sat around the coffee table discussing upcoming projects and the rules for each.

"Ugh," Castiel groaned. "I hate the watercolor assignments."

"Please, they're your best ones. No offense but your paintings do circles around mine." Charlie said bowing her head in fake admiration. "Please, teach, sensei."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Whatever Charlie, your drawings are leagues ahead of mine."

They both started giggling when Castiel heard his mom walking around above them. _First time all day_ he thought.

"Uh, Charlie" he said, his tone serious again. "I'm just going to go check on her."

He took the stairs two at a time. He didn't want his mom to hear him though so he avoided the steps that made noise. He successfully made it to her door, before he could knock he heard the shower going. Good, he thought, she's up at least.

As he got to the bottom of the stairs he found that Charlie was on the phone.

"Dean, calm down. Dude." She looked up at Cas and rolled her eyes. Covering the mouthpiece of her phone she said to Castiel, "Dean's freaking over this essay." Returning to the call she continued, "I thought you got a tutor," she smirked winking at him while Castiel stood dumbfounded.

He quickly hopped the couch and desperately tried to get the phone from Charlie. Giggling, Charlie easily avoided his barrage and walked calmly to the kitchen. Head bowed in resignation he followed.

"Okay, stormtrooper, this is what you're gonna do. First, quit babbling. Second, calm down. You're gonna be fine. Third, call your tutor, that's what he's there for and last but not least...." She paused and Castiel knew from the look in her eye she was plotting, "don't be afraid to jump."

Castiel couldn't hear Dean's response but it didn't matter. After Charlie's last piece of advice he tore the phone out of her hand and hit the 'end' button.

"Dammit, Charlie."

"Wow, cursing from Cassie, musta been a wrong move." Charlie's voice was sincere yet her eyes were confident.

"Look, Charlie." He wanted to word this so she wouldn't lecture him. "I shouldn't have said anything. Not that I don't think I'm good enough," he hurried when she began to interrupt, "it's just. I want to be in a relationship that naturally occurs, not a set up because the whole ' _gay thing_ '," he motioned with finger quotes, "is already hard enough of a hurdle. I mean, thank you for supporting me. I dunno. If it's meant to be it will."

Charlie stared at her friend for a moment. She opened her mouth to argue then thought better of it. A little annoyed she finally said, "We all need a push sometimes, Cassie, I just wanted to show you a new door." In defeat she left the room.

Cursing himself mentally he realized she was packing her stuff. Before she reached the door however, Castiel ran and hugged her from behind.

"Thank you, Charlie." He murmured to her.

She turned and hugged him properly then pulled away and tapped his cheek twice.

"Never need to thank best friends." She stepped outside then turned and called over her shoulder, "Call me and tell me what happens with your study date!"

Castiel rolled his eyes and closed the door. Making a quick pit stop to the kitchen for some food he grabbed the homework Charlie had left for him and trumped up the stairs to work in peace.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

"You are so not helpful, Charlie." Dean yelled at his phone when he realized she'd hung up.  "Unhelpful, and...and cryptic!!" He continued knowing full well no one was listening. " I mean, 'don't be afraid to jump'?, what does that even mean, asshat. UGH." He threw himself onto his bed and dropped his phone to his side then draping his arms over his eyes. I could call him. He considered, but that'll just look dumb. Dean was saved by Sammy knocking on his door.

“Dean, Dad’s gone for the night,” Sam called, “ Wanna order Chinese or pizza?”

“Thank god.” Dean said to himself. He jumped off his bed and opened the door to answer his brother. "Pizza, Sam, always pizza."

The next day Dean, much to Sam's surprise, was ready for school on time. He hurried to the building and yelled to his brother. "Library! See you after school." He'd only made it about fifteen steps into the building when Jo appeared on his left.

"Hey Dean," she said with confidence, per usual her hair looked perfect. She tucked a lock behind her ear then said, "why didn't you come to the basketball game last Friday? We all missed you." She looked away pointedly after saying this, "Meg said you were doing homework, naturally I laughed a little." She smiled.

Dean returned it and replied, "Meg was right for once. I was doing homework. Don't give me that look, Harvelle, I can do homework when I want to." His tone was a little defensive so he nudged Jo a little to let her know he wasn't mad.

Her face brightened and he walked with her to Biology, the essay could wait.

Jo and Dean had been friends since she had punched him in the face for making fun of her pigtails in elementary school. Dean had a shiner for a week and a new friend. Jo was independent, loyal, smart and not afraid to speak her mind.

Once, in middle school, they had dated for about a month until Dean broke it off. While they moved on and continued to be friends Dean always felt like there was something there that Jo couldn't let go of. By lunch Dean had forgotten about his essay again and started a game of cafeteria basketball with Victor. Dean was up three points when the hall monitor walked by.

"Winchester, we've talked about this," Chuck said.

"Ah, come on Chuck, I'm winning today!" He said like it was a miracle.

"That's because I have a cold, dumb ass." said Victor. "Otherwise your little white booty couldn't get even one past me."

Dean laughed and almost punched Victor but thought better of it with Chuck standing there. "Yeah, yeah." He smirked and tossed one more crumpled burger wrapper in the trash.

The bell rang for class and Dean begrudgingly made his way to English. He carefully avoided his teacher's eye and sat near the back. He knew he shouldn't be shy. After all he had talked to the tutor but he didn't really commit or make much progress on his paper.

He did however take notes on what was on the board, although he still refused to raise his hand and contribute. People already watched him with curiosity because he was focusing in class. Pricks, Dean thought miserably, why do they even care what I do?

Thankfully class ended fairly quickly and Dean stuffed his notebook back in his bag and tried to make it back out the door without getting Ms. Koonz gaze.

"Dean," she stopped to him as soon as he reached the frame of the door.

He slowed his steps and turned to look at her. She didn't need to clarify she wanted to speak to him so he waited patiently for the rest of his classmates to leave for the day.

"How is your essay coming?" She asked innocently.

One thing Dean liked about his English teacher was that she never spoke to her students like they were children or that they were too dim to get an answer. She also never called him Winchester like the rest of his teachers. It made him feel like he wasn’t bound to a reputation when he was simply Dean.

"It's okay. I went to see that kid in the library" he offered as some proof he was trying.

"I'm glad," she smiled, "I didn't mean to freak you out or pressure you to do more. All I care is that you feel like you're making progress. You've got real potential, Dean. You just need to put more thought into it."

Dean could feel his face start to flare. It was weird to have someone compliment him on things other than his looks and he was taken aback.

"I've embarrassed you," she stated, "sorry, that wasn't my intention. I look forward to reading your work Dean."

Glad to leave Dean smiled and thanked her then took double steps to the door. He looked at his watch. He was late meeting up with Sam. He ran down the empty halls and took a sharp left around the last corner of the building when he collided with someone.

 _Dear lord_ , he thought, _why does this keep happening to me._

"God, I'm sorry. I keep doing that to people." He said running his head which had flung back into the wall.

"That's a nice compliment but Castiel is just fine." The voice said.

Looking up Dean found it was the library kid again. Luckily, the kid was smiling at him and didn't seemed to be hurt.

"Uh, what?" Dean said confused at the dark haired boy's response.

"You called me God." Castiel said simply, "as I'm a mere human it was a nice compliment." He stood up and offered his hand to Dean to help him up as well.

Understanding what had occurred Dean started to laugh.

"You're a good lookin’ kid but I think God might be just a bit more glorious... Sorry, I tend to swear before I think. Sammy hates it." Dean stopped then wondering why he was talking so much.

Color filled the shorter boy's face but only for a moment. He composed himself then asked, "How’s your essay coming along?"

"That's the question of the day," Dean laughed. Then said, "I am sorry I keep knocking you over though." He rubbed the back of his neck not sure if he thought the Dean had a vendetta against him.

“It’s no trouble.” Castiel said with a small smile.

They stared at each other for a moment and Dean shifted awkwardly. _Should I apologize for not calling? No, that’s dumb. Why would I need to? I could’ve gotten a lot done on it._

“uh-”

“well-”

They both started at the same time.

“I gotta meet up with Sammy.” Dean pushed through quickly and shifted to the right to step around Cas.

“Right.” Castiel replied.

Dean looked behind him once more as he was leaving but Cas was already walking the other direction. I do need help, he considered for a moment then strolled out the front doors of the school. Sammy, as it turns out, was sitting with Jess again of the front steps. This time they were holding hands though seated fairly far apart. A little ball of warmth still filled his gut. It was nice to see Sam happy.

“That’s my boy.” He said quietly then walked over to them and tapped Sam on the shoulder. “Ready little bro?” he asked while winking at Jess. Sam jumped a little not realizing his brother was behind him.

“Dean! Uh, yeah.” he looked up at Dean smiling.

The whole drive home Dean didn’t have to say a word but glanced at Sam every once and awhile smiling like a dork.

“Dean. Stop.” Sam pleaded.

Dean just laughed and reached over to ruffle Sam’s hair.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops. I'm sorry.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_Spring came much to Castiel's enjoyment. The winter, he felt, was hard for his mom. He was happy to see the sun come out and then maybe they could go out on walks again. He still continued to play with his new friends; Dean and Sam.  Most days they simply played at the park. Dean’s favorite game was to be an adventurer. Which mostly involved Dean crawling on the grass yelling commands at Castiel while Sam was the villain or prey.  Dean told Cas this was because he was small and couldn’t move like a big kid. Castiel thought it was just because he needed a reason to beat up on his little brother without getting in trouble._

_Today, however, Sammy was home sick with a cold. Being free of their slowest member Cas and Dean figured they could explore farther than they'd ever gone. They settled on a small collection of trees near their park and started in. Castiel was nervous that the wood would be filled with spiderwebs and dark, red eyes that would stare at him from behind a bush or tree. He wanted to be brave for Dean though. Dean then stepped on a stick and Castiel visibly jumped._

_"Are you scared, Cas?" Dean asked in wonder_

_Castiel shook his head then after looking at the sincerity in Dean's eyes he nodded slowly. He looked down at his feet miserably wishing he wasn't afraid._

_He felt Dean's hand in his and looked up. Dean still looked stone serious but slight color was in his cheeks._

_"I hold Sammy's hand when he's scared." He said casually._

_Castiel smiled at Dean's gesture and squeezed his hand in a silent thank you. They wandered that way for no less than ten minutes when they found a stream. Cas grinned, finally glad they came this far._

_"Want to look for tadpoles?" Castiel asked_

_"Baby frogs?!" Dean asked in excitement, "Sammy would love one!!" We'd probably name it after my mom." Dean let go of Castiel's hand and the boys slowly but surely found their way down to the bank of the stream._

_"Pam?" Castiel inquired._

_"What? No, Pam is my nanny." Dean turned away quickly to look at the slow moving water. Then said, "Mary. My mom's name was Mary. She died last year."_

_Castiel reached out his hand to take Dean's again. At the contact Dean looked up. "My dad died a few months ago." Cas noticed his friend's confusion. "My mom holds my hand when I'm sad." He clarified._

_"Thanks, Cas." Dean said quietly._

_Cas made a point to look away when he saw Dean wipe away a tear._

_"Sorry , I didn't mean to make you cry." He said_

_"That's okay." Dean turned suddenly to face his friend, "I'll just get you to cry later." He said teasingly._

_The boys wandered down the stream hand in hand still and taking their time. The sun cut through the trees illuminating the water and Dean's green eyes. Castiel realized he was staring and looked the other direction. After a moment Dean burst out._

_"Did you see that!" Dean exclaimed pointing on the other side of the bank. "There was a fish! A fish would do!" Letting go of Cas' hand he crawled on scattered rocks to try to reach the other side._

_Not wanting to be left behind Cas started to follow Dean the best he could. It took him a bit longer because he had smaller legs than Dean but as soon as he got half way he felt more confident. Feeling brave he stood up on both feet and tried to do what his older friend had. He made it only a few steps then he felt his foot slip. Castiel panicked and tried to catch himself on a rock. He missed. His lower half was drenched in water and he felt a sharp pain in his arm._

_Noticing Castiel fall, Dean was at his side by the time Cas had even realized what had happened. Dean carried his friend across to where they started and sat him down on a log._

_"Where does it hurt." He said in a low voice looking directly in Cas' eyes._

_"My a-arm" he managed. He felt his eyes water up but didn't let them fall._

_Dean took off his half soaked jacket and wrapped it clumsily in Cas' left arm._

_"Let's get you home." He muttered as he picked Cas up by his right arm and draped it around his waist. They made it about half way when Dean noted, "Cas. It's okay if you cry you know."_

_Cas turned to Dean with a straight face replied, " I don't like crying, Dean."_

_Dean searched Castiel's eyes for a moment then thought better than to question it. Since Dean's house was closer they went there. Immediately Pam called Cas' mom and explained what happened. The whole phone call Dean held tight to Cas' good hand and waited for his mom to come get him._

_It was a few weeks before Dean played with his friend again. Cas had broken his arm had to get used to using it now. He did go check on him every once and awhile to give Cas cool rocks he found or an interesting leaf. Once he even brought some homemade soup from Pam._

_However, when Cas was allowed out again Dean was the first to sign his cast._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

"I gotta meet up with Sammy.” Dean pushed through quickly and shifted to the right to step around Cas.

"Right" Cas said. He watched Dean go for a moment then headed towards the library.

Charlie was waiting for him already.

"He never called, so you can stop smiling like a dork." He said rolling his eyes.

"Well first off," she held up one finger, "I'm not a dork. I'm a geek. Second," she said following with another finger, "I'm gonna kill him. He literally has no idea what he's doing."

"If he doesn't want to talk to me, it's cool." He said staring at her. "Oh, don't give me that look."

Charlie sighed, "I'm not gonna give up, Cassie." She gave her friend a hug then walked to the door. She pushed back first on the door and said, "Peace out, bitch." While holding up a Vulcan hand sign.

Castiel rolled his eyes. He sure knew how to pick 'em. With no students coming in he decided to catch up on some free reading. He took his time and settled on the sixth Harry Potter book. He fiddled with the radio on the main desk and flipped on 97.4 the local oldies station. Pina coladas came on and Castiel curled himself up in his chair.

At four he put his book back and slung his bag over his shoulder. On his way home he heard a car rumble behind him. He looked up for just an instant and somehow locked gaze with no other but Dean. He looked in a bad mood so Castiel yanked back his eyes to the ground and continued home.

He called when he came through the door, "Mom? You here?" He hung his coat and made his way to the kitchen. Picking up an apple in the fruit bowl he found a note on the fridge.

**Went to visit Hester.**

**-Mom**

Simply glad his mom was out and about he threw some leftover chicken noodle soup in the microwave  and sat down in front of the TV. Cas' phone screen lit up and he received a snapchat from Charlie. Upon opening it he saw a picture of her and Dean. Charlie's arm was around him and she had the biggest, most doofy look on her face like she caught a rare animal. Dean looked disgruntled and squished staring straight into the camera. Castiel held back a giggle. Calming down, he made the most straight faced look he could possibly make and captioned, **I see you're both very happy.**

Still laughing he didn't really have anything to do and decided to take a shower. Enjoying the warm water he started to hum his favorite songs. Switching one to another he lost track of time, looking down at his hands he saw they were pruny. Climbing out he wiped his hand over the fogged mirror. He ruffled his hair and changed into a pair of black sweats and a white v-neck tee.

Picking up his phone he saw another snap from Charlie. Sitting behind her was Dean playing some sort of video game, in the text box she asked, **you wanna come over?**  The message was sent half an hour ago. He sent a picture back of him in his pj's, **not tonight** , he sent simply. Downstairs he pulled his favorite mug from the cupboard, it had a black battery on the side and when filled up with something hot the battery turned a bright green, deciding it was too late for coffee he made some hot chocolate. _It's my lazy day_ he thought to himself and turned on Parks and Recreation. He wrapped himself in the throw blanket on the couch and slowly drifted to sleep.

“Castiel?” Anna called as she came through the door.

Castiel popped his head up still dazed with sleep. He turned and smiled at his mom. “Hey,” he mumbled softly, sleep still in his voice. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” He deadpanned his face and scratched his head.

Laughing, Anna walked over and kissed her son’s forehead. “Thank you, Angel. You really were there this week.”

Castiel tried to block out the memories that flooded after her thank you. Pushing it aside he got up from the couch. “Want me to fix you some dinner? Chicken alfredo maybe?”

His mother smiled, “No thanks, I ate at Hester’s. Tomorrow do you want to go see a movie?”

Castiel could tell his mom was nervous to ask him. Beaming he replied, “Sure, anything you want would be great.”  

Both tired from the long weeks they’d had, they decided to watch TV for awhile. Castiel loved days like this where they could just sit together, enjoying each other’s company. As the clock neared eleven Castiel went up to bed and fell asleep smiling to himself.

The next day Castiel awoke feeling stress free and confident about the oncoming school day. In drawing, his teacher had complimented his work and he was allowed to switch from pencil to charcoal to finish it. Charlie spent ten minutes trying to erase half her work then gave up and got a new sheet of paper.

"Why are noses have to be so stupid looking!" She complained. Castiel chuckled at her. "Real funny, Cassie." She stuck out her tongue and after another ten minutes, giving up his entertainment, Cas helped her placing the nose in proportion.

"I guess you're good at everything." Came a voice behind him.

Turning to look over his shoulder he saw Dean. Taken aback he let his hand slip making a vertical line straight down the middle of Charlie's drawing.

"Damn, Cassie." She glared at him and started for the third time erasing her portrait.

"Sorry," Cas offered apologetically.

Dean laughed then said, "I'm sorry, it's my fault. Didn't mean to scare ya Cas."

Cas' breath hitched and he momentarily forgot how to speak. Dean was standing close enough that he could count the freckles on the other boy's nose. "I-uh-sorry." He managed, "I jump easy I guess." _Real smooth_ he cursed himself.

"I'm just glad we didn't end up on the floor this time." Dean joked.

This perked Charlie out of her silent treatment. Cas shot her a warning look but she spoke her mind anyway.

"You two? On the floor?" She asked innocently "When was this and where was I?" A mischievous grin was aimed at Cas and now it was his turn to glare.

Dean seemed oblivious to their exchange and explained to Charlie that Cas was the one tutoring him and the mishaps where they ran into each other.

"Don't forget you hit me with your car too." Cas finished coolly when Dean was done.

"Baby, did not even touch you." Dean said defensively.

"Baby? You named your car...Baby?" Cas said incredulously.

"Woah there. You really wanna debate names, huh, angel?" Dean replied raising an eyebrow.

"Hey guys." Charlie stepped in, "No flirting. Lesbian here would would appreciate less testosterone."

Both boys rolled their eyes.

"I . Am. NOT. flirting with him. I'm simply saying he has no room to judge names." retorted Dean.

"Whatever." Cas said a bit harsh. He couldn't figure out why he was upset. Dean hadn't really been rude. Maybe he was just hungry. Pushing his frustration down he began to pick up his art supplies and head to his Literature class. He said bye to Charlie and walked out quickly not before he heard Charlie punch Dean in the arm and heard him reply.

"What the hell? What did I do?"

Contemporary Literature was a tad boring for Cas. Usually he sat near the front but today he found himself near the back and tried to take notes. What was I expecting him to be like? He wondered, Prince Charming? When the final bell rang Castiel picked his stuff up slowly and headed for the door but Ms. Koonz stopped him.

"Castiel? A moment?" She inquired.

Reluctantly he waited for the class to empty then stood by her desk.

"How is tutoring going?"

He held back sigh and told her it was fine then asked, "Why?" He prayed it didn't have to do with Dean.

"Just curious, I was hoping to send you more students, but if you're too stressed I understand."

"No, that would be fine. The library is quiet a lot of the time." He told her truthfully.

"I'm glad to hear that. He'll probably be around in a day or two if that's okay?" She asked.

"Sounds perfect." Cas said and walked  off to the library.

The school librarian had left some books for Castiel to organize and the more books he put on the shelf the better he was able to calm himself down. What bothered him, he found, was that Dean called him ‘angel’ in a mocking tone when he’d always heard it as a praise. Who did he think he was anyway, he thought bitterly. He slammed a book down on the shelf and then leaned his head on it. _I am being stupid about the flirting thing though_ , he thought with a sigh. _Charlie really shouldn’t have said anything_.

He placed the last book back on the shelf, he went in search of his Harry Potter book again and sat down at the main desk. He pulled his iPod from his backpack and plugged in his headphones. Still feeling a bit hurt he started a playlist of Taking Back Sunday and let the rest of the world disappear. He’d only gotten a few chapters in when a knock came on small shelf above him. Dean stood there and Cas looked away but did pull out his music. He finally looked up only to see Dean wasn't looking at him.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Dean said while staring at the floor.

“Oh, I didn’t hear you what was that?” Castiel said rolling his eyes

“Look,” Dean continued this time catching Castiel’s eye, “I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I know I can be an asshole sometimes but honestly it’s just cuz I don’t think before I speak. So. I’m sorry.”

Castiel studied the freckled boy for a minute. “Sure, okay.” he said not really forgetting his anger but pushed it aside.

“Charlie thinks...we just got off on the wrong foot. So..” he paused. “I wanted to. uh… invite you to our gaming night in a few days.”

Cas contemplated,”We’ll see.” he said simply.

Dean stood with his hands in his pockets. “Yeah...okay, cool.”

Cas put back in his headphones and continued to read. In the corner of his eye he could see Dean still standing next to him and he turned up his music. A few moments later Dean left.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_Summer came quickly and Castiel was going on walks with his mom again. Most days they went simple places like the store or a park. A little over a week before his birthday they stopped by the Winchester's so the boys could play. Before they even rang the bell Dean had opened door._

_"Cas!" He said excitedly. "And your mom came! " He said, staring up with large eyes._

_Anna smiled at the sandy haired boy. "Good to see you, Dean."_

_Dean yelled upstairs to tell Pam that Cas came over. Pam came down the stairs shaking her head._

_"Dean. I just put Sam down for a nap." She tapped his head once then turned to Anna. "It's good to see you again."_

_While Anna and Pam caught up Dean turned to Cas."You wanna find some bugs?"_

_Cas nodded once then together they went out back and started to flip over rocks. Once they turned over two or three Cas got up his courage and asked what was bothering him._

_"Dean..." He started "um. Will you come over on my birthday?"_

_Dean looked over at Cas quizzically, "of course, Cas. We're best friends." He said with a big smile._

_Castiel was so happy he wanted to say thank you but his voice got stuck and he looked back down at their holes in the dirt instead._

_In their search they found; ants, some worms, a potato bug, & Cas even stumbled on a grasshopper. Dean went in the kitchen to find  a plastic container for the bugs as well as lid. Cas reminded Dean they needed to poke holes in the top so the bugs could breathe. They also through in some dirt, a rock, and a few leaves. Anna came in after and told her son they had to go._

_Cas pulled at his mom's sleeve and instinctively she reached her hand down and grabbed his hand. He looked over his shoulder as they left and waved softly._

_That weekend he drew pictures of what he wanted at his party. On Sunday he knocked on his mom's door to ask if his ideas would work on Wednesday._

_"Mom?" He said softly._

_"Hey Angel," she answered still laying in her bed._

_"I-I drew some pictures. For...my birthday..." He said, his words getting quieter as the sentence flowed._

_"Sure thing." She mumbled._

_She rolled over and Cas assumed it was okay then closed her door behind him and made his way back downstairs. He spent the day cleaning his room and even tried picking up some toys in the living room._ These can just stay here, _he thought as he stuffed some Hot Wheels in the seat cushions. Content with his hard work he found some paper in a drawer in the kitchen and resumed his coloring. This time he drew himself, Dean, Sammy, and his mom eating a cake._

_The next day he didn't knock on his mom's door but yelled he was headed to Dean's. The sun was high in the air already and Cas wished breifly that he had worn shorts instead of pants as the hot air seemed to press in around him. He was happy to see on his arrival that Dean was outside with Sam. Sam, seeing Cas first,  ran over and hugged him._

_"Hi Cassiel." He said smiling up at him._

_He didn't mind that Sammy couldn't say his name and he had long gotten used to Dean shortening it._

_The three decided to play cops and robbers. Dean and Sammy were cops while Cas hid behind things like trees & cars. Feeling clever, Cas climbed under the porch. It was musty and he could smell the dirt that floated up when he scuffled through the small opening between the stairs and the porch fence.  He sat in amusement as he watched Dean's feet run back and forth looking for him. A few times Cas saw Sammy’s little feet running trying to keep up with Dean but most of the time he stood in the center of the lawn yelling Castiel’s name every few minutes._

_“Cassiel…..Cassiel…Dean, we need to find Cas.” He said insistently._

_After a few minutes he couldn't help it and started to laugh. Dean's feet stopped and he stooped down. Green eyes stared into his blue ones._

_"Wow, I wouldn't have found you." He said laughing along as well._

_Cas just managed to crawl his way back out when Pam called to them._

_"Boys! I made some pizza!"_

_The three of them went inside where Pam had made Kool-Aid to go with their meal. Sam's pizza was cut into tiny squares, and Dean sat feeding him pieces for every few bites he took himself. It was times like this that Castiel wished he had siblings. After lunch Cas left for home, Dean hugged him before he left and promised he'd be over in a couple days for his birthday._

_Castiel had made it to the corner of his street when he saw the flashing lights around his house. Red, blue, white, yellow. Flickering in the distance. He'd seen those lights before, but when his dad had passed away. Fear flooded from his head to his toes. Starting to run he felt like his house got farther as he tried to get closer. He tried to push past the fence of people around his house but adults kept pushing him back and holding his hand. Eventually one of the adults was his neighbor, Missouri, and she scooped him up in her arms. She was warm and gave a little comfort to the cold that surrounded him._

_“Aw baby child,” she whispered in his ear. She called to a near by police officer and she was allowed inside with Castiel to grab his car seat. He was strapped in the back of her Toyota and together they drove to the hospital and were led into a waiting room on the third floor._

_Cas couldn’t feel his feet. People passed by in a blur and didn't hear anything the nurse or Missouri tried to tell him. He looked down at his feet and could feel himself shaking from the inside out. Eventually they were led into a room at the end of the hall. Cas could no longer walk when they reached the frame of the door. His feet started to slide as he was pushed gently into the room by Missouri. He could see his mom sleeping on the bed in the room. Her red hair laying around her pillow framing her sleeping face. He reached up to tug on her sleeve and found it wasn't a shirt sleeve but a bandage wrapped on her wrists._

_“Momma,” he said, but no reply came. “Momma…..momma….momma.” his vision blurred as they filled with water._

_“Hey sweetie,” Missouri said squeezing his shoulder._

_Legs finally giving out, he realized he was no longer staring at his mother’s arm but at the floor. He looked at the dirt still on his shoes from where he had crawled under Dean’s porch. He felt his tears spill over for the first time since his daddy's funeral._

_“Momma………momma...” his voice trailed off._

 


	5. Chapter 5

Dean walked out of the library feeling frustrated he kicked a garbage can and kept walking to meet Sam by the doors. He didn't bother to talk to Sam when he passed him but went to his car. He sat on the hood waited for his brother to finish with Jess.

He laid back on Baby and stared at the sky. There was a winter chill but the sky was a deep blue. Leaves from the tree above him waved as the air passed through them. Dean let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and let himself close his eyes and relax.

Finally feeling at peace, his phone vibrated. Digging his hand in his pocket he pulled it out.

Charlie: Did you apologize?

"Ugh." He groaned and considered just never texting her back.

Dean: ya. Still mad.

He sent the message just as Sam knocked on the hood. Again Dean sat in silence while Sammy told him his whole day. It wasn't until they made it home that Sam caught anything wrong with his older brother. He followed Dean into the kitchen and sat on the barstool.

"What's up?" He said trying to sound casual.

Dean looked at his curiously. "Why?" He prompted.

"You've been quiet all day." He said. Seeing that Dean still was avoiding his eyes he continued, "do you want me to shut up about it or do you wanna get it off your chest."

Dean sat down on the seat next to his brother. Offering him some of the chex mix he had poured in a bowl. Sam grabbed a handful and turned in his seat to face Dean.

"It's not a big deal." Dean answered. "Charlie got mad at me and I can't finish this stupid paper." He picked a few of the sugar coated pieces and shoved them in his mouth.

"I thought you had a tutor." Questioned Sam.

"Yeah, well. That's why Charlie is mad. I think I pissed the kid off." He said in defeat.

"That's rough, buddy." Sam consoled.

Dean was about to thank him when the front door slammed. Both boys turned their head. There was noise saying someone was slipping off their shoes and a thump.

"Twenty says he fell over." Dean whispered to Sam. He looked at his brother for a smile but Sam just rolled his eyes."I'll get him." He finished.

Thank God, Dean thought. His dad had at least fallen onto the couch. He walked a bit cautiously towards his father. Most of the time when John was around he stayed clear of his sons and every once and awhile would sit and watch a game with them. Today however he looked still drunk from the previous night and Dean turned his nose slightly at the smell of alcohol that seeped from his dad.

"Uh-Dad?" He said quietly. But John didn't show any sign of recognition someone was talking to him. Dean poked him with two fingers coaxing him again. "Hey." He said a bit more forceful. John simply grunted and rolled onto his side.

Sam had peered his head around the corner from the kitchen and Dean looked at him with exhaustion. Their dad hadn't ever really been involved with their lives except when he came in once a week or so to slip into a coma between jobs. He sent just enough money for the boys so they wouldn't go hungry but usually he didn't call or text when he was leaving or returning. Pam, their old nanny, still came over a couple times a week to make sure they were okay.

"I thought the teenagers were supposed to be the ones stumbling in drunk." Dean said to Sam with a hint of bitterness.

Sam just nodded and they agreed it was best to play Super Smash Brothers upstairs away from John to let him just sleep it off. Wanting to focus on something else Sam announced he signed up for a tutor in Chemistry.

"Chemistry? I swear man you take harder classes than I do." He said.

"Let's not start Dean," Sam said looking at his feet. He alway hated when his brother put himself down. "Anyway." He continued not wanting Dean to make an argument, "Its that kid you almost ran over."

Dean nearly dropped his controller. "C-Cas?!" He said in surprise.

"Yeah..." Sam paused for a moment, "is that bad?"

"No...no he's cool. He's just. The kid I pissed off..." He admitted.

"Really. Dean." Sam almost yelled. "First you almost run him over and then you piss him off." He shook his head. "How you have friends I will never know."

"Hey, Who needs friends when you have a snot nose little brother." Dean teased as he finally landed a hit sending Sam's character over the edge.

Dean's small victory didn't last long with five straight wins in a row from Sam, Dean put down the controller and asked his brother what he wanted for dinner. Sam told him he didn't mind anything so he ventured alone downstairs.

John was still out cold so Dean decided he'd actually make real food then leave some if his dad woke up. He rambled through the cupboard to find something. Shifting a box of cereal aside he found a box for jumbalya. He remembered they still had a chicken breast in the fridge so he got to work. Dean had always liked cooking. When they were younger he always made meals for him and Sammy. In the beginning he burned half of what he made but Sam always ate it anyway. Now, however, he considered himself to be pretty good and even cooked things without a recipe.Dean was just adding the chicken to the mix of rice when Sam came in.

"Dean, that smells amazing." He said with one hand in the air in praise and the other on his chest.

"Dish up." He grinned proudly, "leave the rest for dad though, we don't know when he'll rise from the dead."

The boys ate mostly in silence which Dean found relaxing. He took out his phone and sent a picture of his food to Charlie saying, be jealous :). Not even two minutes later she replied.

Charlie: Nice try, but my mom bought Popeyes. Suck it pretty boy!!!

Dean: pretty boy? I'm handsome.

Charlie: oh I beg to differ. Those bright green eyes, freckles, long lashes and lips make you a princess.

Dean: wow. If I didn't know better. I'd say you were flirting with me. But we both know that's not true ;)

Charlie: Well. You aren't my type hah.

Dean: hey. I could change you. Hahah. My dad came back and is smashed, any chance me and Sam could come over?

There was a whole thirty minutes before Charlie replied which Dean found odd because she was fairly consistent. Even more odd was her response.

Charlie: um...

"That's it?" Dean said aloud.

Sam had helped him pick up the kitchen also awaiting her reply.

"What?" Sam asked.

"I don't know..." Dean said as he started to text back asking for more clarification. He almost hit send when his phone vibrated. It was a picture of Charlie....with Cas.

He deleted the text he had ready to send and just sent 'oh'.

"We could go see a movie." He said to his brother.

Sam had just finished putting the leftovers in the fridge. "No Charlie?" He inquired.

"No...she's...she's busy." He said. Not a complete lie, he thought.

"Sounds good" Sam answered not willing to push Dean. "As long as it's not a chick flick." He mocked.

"Ha ha ha." Dean replied sarcastically, "just go get a jacket I'll be outside.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Castiel wasn't even a fourth of the way home when a car pulled up by him. Startled that a car singled him out he backed from it a bit defensively. Then he saw Charlie in the passenger seat.

"Hey Cassie," she smiled at him, "wanna come hang at my place?"

Cas considered it then climbed in the back seat and sent his mom a text message that he would be home late and that he was with a friend. He knew his mom wouldn't be home until late either he just didn't feel right if he didn't check in with her. He'd only met Charlie's mom once but she looked just like her. Red hair that was long, gorgeous, and a slight mind of its own. When he sat with the Bradbury's he felt a little twinge of jealousy he didn't look like his remaining parent.

"Hello Mrs. Bradbury." He said cheerfully. She was a kind and wise woman who treated Castiel like her own child.

"Cassie," she said sounding eerily like her daughter, "Sweetheart, call me Jane.

He apologized and Charlie informed him they were going to get dinner if that was okay. He tried to protest he'd eat later at home but his hosts wouldn't hear of it.

"Dude," Charlie reasoned, "I'm not gonna have you sit there and watch me eat. I've told you. It's creepy."

"That was one time!" Castiel protested.

“Whatever,” Charlie rolled her eyes. “You always stare just a bit too much. Also. We need some deep talk food. How do you feel about fried chicken.”

Castiel smiled and again was truly grateful for his friend.

After they were fed and content Charlie took them up to her tree house or 'fortress' as she called it. It was built on an old tree and was probably too dated to have two full sized people in it but Charlie wouldn't take it down for any amount of money. Castiel had only been in it a few times but it was her spot to complain, vent, and talk about the world.

"Soooo" Charlie pried.

"It's not a big deal." He said quietly staring out the wooden window. When she started to contend with him he explained about how the name thing struck a cord and so it wasn't really Dean's fault.

"Does he know?" Charlie asked in sincerity.

"Know what? Where my name comes from? Yeah." He said looking at her once more.

"No, I mean. Does he know your dad is..." She trailed off not wanting to speak it.

"He's dead, Charlie." Cas said without stumbling. "But, no. At least I don't think he remembers."

"Remembers? You only started talking to him this year.  He's forgetful, but not that spacey." She gave her friend a skeptical look.

Cas turned toward the window again then took a deep breath and thought it was best that she knew. He told her about how they were friends as kids and that he moved away from the time he was about 6 to the time he was 15 and just starting high school.

"I remember the first time I saw him when I moved back. He still had his stupid little sideways smile. Naturally, he had a lot of friends and I was shy because it was my first public school."

"What? You were a private a school nerd?" Charlie cut in, "that puts some pieces together..."

Cas waited till he was sure she was done then started again, "anyway...It was like six months into school and I finally said 'hi Dean' to him..." He let his sentence fall then looked her with heavy eyes. "He didn't recognize me. Pretty sure his exact words were, 'Do I know you?'. Course that was right in front of his friends who laughed....and...I haven't spoken to him until this year."

Charlie stood up, walked to him wrapping her arms around him. "Aw Cassie,"  she said into his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I wish you would have told me that in the beginning."

"How could I?" Castiel questioned, "you were my first friend and I really just wanted to dump it behind me."

Charlie nodded and then reached in her pocket which had vibrated with a text. She sent a quick reply, and asked Castiel if it was okay if they could go get ice cream.

Castiel laughed, "You know I'm lactose intolerant but I guess it's worth the stomach pain."

"Sweet, let's go ask my ma if we can take her car." She beamed and quickly climbed out and down the tree house before he could even stand up.

Ten minutes later they were sitting in a booth at Nielson's Custard which Charlie claimed was better then any ice cream anywhere else. Castiel got a mint chocolate shake and Charlie chose a strawberry banana shake; winking that it was the only banana she goes near.

"Your jokes are horrible, Charlie." said Cas rolling his eyes. He had just gotten to the middle of his shake and swirled the liquid with the rest of the frozen milk. He looked up with a straw in his mouth to see his friend taking a picture.

She smiled around her phone innocently. "Sorry, Dean wondered if I was busy." She rushed through seeing the look of horror on his face, "I was just saying I was with you. Chill, he's not coming."

"It's okay," he resigned setting down his straw. "I gotta talk to him some time."

"Yeah, but that can wait. It's our day." Charlie encouraged.

The rest of the day was full of everything from a scary movie to making brownies; most of the mix ended up on their clothes which caused Charlie to giggle as Cas changed into one of her oversized tee shirts. Cas looked down puzzled then saw a giant glittery bee on the front, to make it worse the glitter also spelled "Queen Bee" in a swirly calligraphy.

"Hilarious." Cas said with a blank face.

"It-it" she choked between bursts of laughter, "my grandma gave it to me." This sent her farther over the edge and tears streamed on her cheeks, "This is the gayest thing I've ever seen you wear."

Instead of glaring at his friend, Castiel decided to strut. Walking back and forth through her room like a model he made kissy faces and struck different poses. One of which he borrowed one of her scarves and threw it over his shoulder and blew a kiss in her face. This was too much for Charlie and she clutched her side and begged him to stop.

"You asked for it." He said sliding the scarf off his neck. He sat down on her bed next to her and gave her the strongest hug he could. "Thank you, sweet pea."

Charlie squeezed back."What are queer friends for."

"Dork." He muttered.

"Geek." She corrected him.

He made Charlie let him walk home and found peace in the solitude. Brisk air whizzed by his ears and chin making him wish he kept the scarf he played with. Giggling at his actions as he walked through the door he found his mom sitting in their living room eating popcorn and watching pride & prejudice.  Grabbing a plate of leftovers, meatloaf, he joined her and together they discussed who would have made better couples. When the movie finished Anna kissed his head and excused herself for the night. All in all Castiel was happy he got a day to just play and slept deeply that night.


	6. Chapter 6

_Castiel's next months were dreadful. His mom was sent away to 'get better'. In the meantime he lived with his aunt Hester. She was kind and always made sure to make Castiel's favorite meal once a week. While he enjoyed someone to sit with him while he read or got tucked into bed, he missed his mom. He missed her smiling, walking with her, he missed someone calling him her little angel. On top, he missed his friends. He wondered what Dean thought when he tried to go by for Cas' birthday and he wasn't home. He had begged his aunt to let him visit Dean but she lived far away and they didn't have time._

_The first day of school he was shaking in his tennis shoes. Once again he didn't have any friends or familiar faces. People tried to coax him from his shell but he had locked himself in further. Determined not to be hurt again he chose to play by himself and eat lunch alone too. If he didn't have anyone then there would be no one to lose. One boy, Balthazar, tried to include him in games and tried to sit by him when the students got to choose their seats._

_"Hi." The blonde boy said one day._

_Castiel was seated on a small wall outside the lunchroom. He looked up briefly to see him standing in front of him. Castiel shifted on his spot but didn't say anything. The boy had blue eyes like his but they were lighter like the sky. Feeling self conscious he looked back down at the peanut butter sandwich he was eating._

_"I heard you have a weird name just like me," he spoke disregarding Castiel's shy demeanor. "I'm Balthazar." He said brightly. "But I let people call my Balth or Balthy if I like them."_

_Castiel looked once more up and said his name in a whisper._

_"Cassie?" The blonde boy asked._

_"Castiel." He said just loud enough for Balthazar to hear. He thought back to little Sammy who called him Cassiel and thought that maybe nicknames weren't all bad. He then told his new friend, " it's okay to call me Cassie if that's easier for you." He wanted to yell at the new comer and tell him he was named after an angel and to say it right, on the other hand, he did feel a bit lonely._

_Balthazar beamed at him, "Cassie it is then." He then invited Castiel to sit with him at lunch._

If mommy has to get better maybe I do too _, he thought, on  one particular day when Balthazar tried to get him to play with some of the other boys in their class. From then on he felt a bit more confident and even spoke to his teacher a few times._

_It wasn't until second grade that he saw his mother again. Hester had announced she had a surprise for him when he got back from school when she was buttoning up his jacket as they left their house that morning._

_"A surprise?!" Castiel inquired excitedly._

_His aunt smiled softly at him and said, "I'll meet you by the flagpole after school."_

_A small bubble of joy filled his stomach and he hugged his Aunt tightly. He could hardly keep from skipping on the way up to the school as the first bell rang. Giddily he sat down in his seat and made sure to wave at Balthazar who insisted on calling to him until he answered._

_Castiel didn't  know if it was because his aunt was preparing something for him or if he just was beginning to feel more at peace in his new home but everyone seemed to be more friendly that day. His teacher gave him a new crayon for his work, Charles; a boy on his left, complimented his drawing of a tree and dog, and at recess none of the other boys were able to catch him in tag. By lunch Castiel could feel a smile on his face that would not leave for anything. Balthazar and Castiel made their way through the lunch line together._

_"A surprise?" Balthazar repeated what Castiel' himself asked his Aunt that morning, "did she tell you what it was?"_

_"No," Castiel responded innocently, "but it can't be grilled cheese night because it's not Thursday yet."_

_His friend nodded knowingly then asked, "Can I come and see if it's a cool surprise?" Balthazar looked at him with eyes full of the same excited feeling at flowed in himself._

_"Yes!" Castiel responded sincerely._

_The rest of the day the boys discussed what the surprise might be. While Castiel suggested things like a new coat, shoes or a toy, Balthazar's ideas were more extravagant they included things like; a pet dog, a bicycle or a vacation. Castiel only smiled at his friend giggling at his ideas. Eventually their teacher, Mrs. Turner, told the boys it was quiet time and they continued their discussions on pieces of paper through drawings._

_At last the final bell rang and Castiel grabbed his blond friend by the hand and made him wait with him by the flagpole. The boys were restless and Castiel held tight to Balthy's hand to keep himself calm._

_It was only a few minutes before Hester's silver car pulled to the front of the building. Eyeing the car beadily he saw she wasn't alone in the car. A woman was with her. Her red hair blew over her fair skin as she stepped out of car. Water filled his eyes. Balthazar was simply looking back and forth between the approaching woman and Castiel._

_When Anna was less than ten steps away he muttered softly, "momma." He released his friend's hand and darted for his mother._

_Her arms were as warm as he remembered and she kissed his hands, nose, cheeks, and head while whispering in his ear, "my sweet boy."_

_A few minutes passed and Castiel looked up to see his Aunt Hester standing behind them simply beaming at them and Balthazar was on his right smiling at him._

_This was truly his favorite day ever._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Dean moaned as he rolled over to turn off his alarm. He could hear the shower running and assumed Sam was up and ready for school. He rubbed his hair and sat up. Smacking his lips a few times to moisten his mouth he walked reluctantly to his closet. He pulled out an old jacket, a green shirt, and yesterday's pants. He gave the pants a large sniff and decided they were clean enough. Dressing in the chosen clothes he strapped on his old boots and stomped down the stairs to find some cereal. To his surprise Sammy was sitting at the counter already with the box of Lucky Charms in front of him.

Sam made a grunt that could be taken as a good morning while Dean got a bowl for himself as well.

"Dad's up." Sam announced like this wasn't obvious.

"Any trouble?" Dean asked fearing the answer.

"None," replied Sam. "Ready?" He continued as he got up to put his empty bowl in the sink.

"In a sec," Dean answered and shoved another five or six bites in his mouth, "-Ets Goh,"  he managed to get out without spilling.

"Dean," Sam sighed, "that is so gross."

Dean gave his brother a wide smile exposing the food in his mouth. When he finished chewing he smirked

"You love me." He told Sam who was rolling his eyes.

"Yeah. Course. Always." Sam retorted and went to the living room to get his backpack.

Dean had a good feeling about the day even though the sky would disagree. Wind was shaking even the large trees, the sky was a stony gray and by the time the boys arrived at school it had started to downpour. Still, Dean was smiling his broadest smile. Sam on the other hand was staring at his brother like he'd grown a second head.

His mood continued all through the day until lunch. He joined his friends at their regular table. As always, Jo was the first in their group to notice him. Victor who was sitting next to Jo perked up his head at her gaze.

"Winchester!" He called, and patted Dean's back when he sat down.

"Hey princess," Meg drawled with a small smile. "It's been awhile, we thought you made new friends."

"Yeah, yeah." Dean said, not wanting to explain.

"Doesn't matter," Jo piped in, "You're coming on Saturday right?"

"Saturday?" Dean asked.

"Dude," Victor said putting a hand over his chest, "how'd you forget my birthday?"

"Shit fuck. Are you serious!?" Dean cursed, "yeah. Of course I'm going."

The rest hour was full of their tales of what had happened with an absent Dean. Turns out they had gone to an abandoned building where they found an old toolbox with "ancient" tools in it, a large graffiti of a red skull above a fire pit, and what Victor swore was a torture dungeon. The whole thing ended with them narrowly escaping the cops who had been called due to the noise. Although he would never admit it, Dean secretly was glad he missed these outings. He loved his friends but always felt a bit bored with the endless "adventures" and betting on how many beers they could down before passing out. Still, they'd all been close since middle school. In a way they were family. Dean was pulled from his thoughts by Meg.

"Ah, look." She said pointing, "it's art boy."

Dean turned and saw Cas walking with Charlie. "Art boy?" He wondered aloud.

"Ya," Jo explained, "the kid is in three of my classes. Super quiet. All his papers are A's and the dude draws like Da Vinci."

"Sounds like your standard nerd." Victor commented.

Dean felt a bit uncomfortable. He didn't know Cas very well. Hell, he didn't even realize he existed until a week or so ago. But, Charlie was his best friend and she seemed to like him. How bad could he be?

Charlie and Castiel walked by and Dean waved. Charlie beamed at him and flashed a Vulcan greeting to him. He was about to ask her about Friday but Meg beat him.

"Hey Charlie." She started. Dean was worried, Meg could be rude easily with no visible remorse or any emotion for that matter, "Who's the cutie you got with you today?"

This was unexpected. Even Victor spit up a bit of the orange juice he was drinking. Jo just stared at Meg incredulously.

"This is--" Charlie started to motion but Cas cut her off.

"I'm Castiel." He offered then said, "you're Meg Masters, correct?"

"The blue eyed beauty speaks." She mused.

Castiel's face turned slightly pink. Dean wished his friends were a bit more social with people outside themselves. He could see that Charlie was about to have a harsh word for Meg but Castiel spoke again.

"Yes. I do speak. English, French, and Spanish." He said blandly.

"Holy fuck." Jo whispered in his ear. "I've never seen him speak this much."

“Are you serious?” Dean mumbled back. He thought this was weird because Cas had never had much of a problem talking to him. Meg however wasn't offended at all by his response.

"Well, you're just the whole package aren't you?" She said coyly.

"Uh..." Castiel paused, "Is that a flirtation?"

Meg only smiled and Dean look at Cas quizzically. Then at Charlie who looked simply bewildered about the whole situation. There was a pregnant silence that fell on the group,  that was broken when Victor sneezed.

"Bless you." Dean said automatically.

"We," Charlie spoke again pointing to Cas, "gotta be in art soon. Come on Cassie." She pulled the dark haired boy with her and the two disappeared down the hall.

Meg watched them go and made sure she got a good look at Cas' ass as he went down the hall. Dean was still lost as to what had occurred and apparently so were the other two sitting at the table. After a few minutes Meg looked at all of them in the eye and gave them each a raised eyebrow, a sign saying what as if this was something that happened everyday.

"Nothin." Jo said with her hands in the air, "Just guess I learned your type. Nerd."

Meg shot her a hard look and said a few choice words that made Chuck, who happened to walk by their table, tell her to use more ladylike language. Once he was out of earshot again she told him where he could stick her words.

Dean laughed and felt maybe he was in the right group of friends. He said bye to his friends and strode down the hallway. He took a turn in the hallway quickly and ran into someone.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry, okay? Last time. I promise." Dean said quickly. He looked up to see Charlie, "sorry. I thought you were..."

"Oh honey I know." Charlie smiled, "you look distracted."

Dean saw that Charlie had a slight look of pity in her eyes. "Charlie." He begged, "Can we not. It's just...been a weird few weeks." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Charlie can tell when I'm lying, he beat himself up mentally. To his surprise she didn't question him further.

"No, Dean, it's fine." She said softly. "Um, I gotta get back to class."

" 'Kay." He said waving goodbye.

In class he sat by Kevin and they discussed tactics for their game night.Having missed the last game night, Kevin was talking himself up but Dean was sure he still was on a low level.

"Whatever you said short bus" He teased.

Dean was happy to have his friend in this class because he didn't understand most of it. It seemed that, like Cas, Kevin was also good at all of his school subjects. Dean imagined this made up for the kid's abysmal video game skills. Class seemed to pull his mind elsewhere. The day was spent mapping angles on the board and half the kids wrote 'angel' instead. Normally he would have shrugged this off but now all he thought about was Cas. The kid helped him with his homework, was patient in explaining and offered further help if he needed it. _And I blew him off_ , he cursed mentally at his behavior.

By the end of the day he decided he would suck up his pride and go get help with his essay. So finally when the last bell rang he pushed his way to the library. It took some shoves to his best friends and sliding passed a group of freshman girls who seemed to always follow him. Eventually, he made it and pushed the main door open slowly. He peeked around and noticed Castiel wasn't in the librarian desk. He stepped fully into the room and gave a quick glance around the room. Cas was always in here after school. Sighing, he started walking up and down the aisles in search of him. He'd made it almost to the back row of books when he heard his name and stopped.

"Dean...he's just a bit careless." Sammy said.

Cas and Sam were sitting at a back table with Sam's notes piled all over. Dean thought about joining them but then decided he wanted to hear the conversation. He tiptoed quietly one more row closer and strained his ears.

"I'm not really mad at him." Castiel admitted. "I guess I just have other issues to deal with."

"Well." Sam began, "if he is bothering you just tell him. He's not really good at the whole empathy thing."

Castiel laughed, "Thank you for listening Sam."

"It's not a big deal," Sam shrugged, "I know my brother better than he knows himself. What brings him up today though?" Sam asked.

"Oh," Cas looked like he didn't know how to answer. After a moment he told Sam the events at lunch and said how surprised and confused Dean looked.

Sammy only laughed, "I don't know the details and I'm not good at this whole thing but I think that Meg chick has the hots for you."

Even from where Dean was standing he could see Castiel's face flush. He stammered and dropped the pencil he was holding.

Stumbling with his words he muttered, "I didn't...I mean I don't...she. Well she's not my type." He finished awkwardly.

Sam let out an understanding "Ohhhh," And shifted in his seat, "that's cool."

Dean was confused. _'"His type?'_ He wondered, _'did he prefer blondes? Taller girls?"_ Putting these thoughts aside he stepped out from his hiding spot.

"Cas," he smiled brightly, "been lookin for ya."

Sammy nearly fell out of his seat but Castiel just gave a small nod back to him, acknowledging his presence.

"Hello Dean." Cas said blandly.

"Sammy mentioned you were helping him with his homework too." Dean said rubbing Sammy's hair.

"Dean," Sam begged, "it's Sam. Sammy is a little 8 year old kid."

"Hey," Dean said puffing out his chest, "I'm the older brother and I decide the names."

"Is that why you nick named Castiel?" Sammy asked with a smirk.

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"You call him "Cas"." Sam clarified with finger quotes for emphasis.

"What? No. His name is just hard. Cas is easier." Dean said like this was obvious

"That's stupid," Sammy argued, "you add to my name but take away letters from his." He motioned to the boy beside him.

"Um." Castiel said to diffuse their arguing. "I really don't mind the nicknames. But. Uh. Dean, I'm really sorry but I can't tutor both of you at the same time." He paused, "if you want to come tomorrow I could help you then."

Dean shifted in his feet. This was turning into a weird day. "Uh. Yeah, no it's fine." He adjusted his backpack, "tomorrow works." He gave Sam's hair one last shake and saluted the two as he started to venture back out of the library.  

"Dean!" Sammy said to catch Dean's ear, "Will you come back for me at 4:30?"

"Course Sam," Dean said without turning around.

Once outside he decided he'd had enough odd in his day he caught up with Jo and asked if she wanted to go catch a bite to eat.

"A date?" Jo asked confused.

"What?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows, "nah. I just want some company. Sammy is being tutored by Art Boy and I need to kill some time."

She laughed at him for thinking she was serious and together they drove to the nearest McDonalds so Dean could eat his heart out without emptying his pocket.

By four, being stuffed, he managed to climb from his seat and refilled a drink for Sam. He called to Jo, who had been texting, and walked out the front door with a smirk knowing she'd follow him to his car.

They made their way to Jo's house and she waved goodbye promising to see him on Saturday. Entering the usual food coma he pulled up to the school and saw Sam sitting on the steps still talking to Cas. He was surprised to see Sammy motion for Cas to come with. The two boys climbed in Dean's car and Sam explained he promise to get Cas home as well.

"No worries," Dean commented waving it off.

"Thank You," Cas said with sincerity, "it is a bit cold today and I forgot my jacket."

"Anytime!" Sam said, "you're like the coolest dude ever."

By this point, Dean was sure he'd entered a different reality. Charlie was one thing but Sam and Meg too? What was this kid. He was then brought back from his thoughts when he tuned to the conversation the other two were having.

"No really," Sam insisted, "I'm pro level."

Cas laughed, "I'm sure I have to see this now. I'm also positive I will destroy you."

It was a moment before Dean realized they were talking about Super Smash Brothers.

"You can play with us." Dean said entering the conversation. "Charlie and Kevin will be there. Game night...remember?"

Castiel smiled at Dean's request, "If Sam is coming, I'm in."

They dropped Castiel off at his house and this time the dark haired boy waved properly. Dean walked in his own house comfortably. Glad he'd restored their friendship, weird as it was, he forced Sammy to practice with him so he wouldn't be rusty when they played against Cas tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel awoke to the sound of pots and pans with it the rising smell of bacon. His stomach growled and he smiled knowing his mom was doing well enough she made time to eat in the morning. He turned to lay on his back and stared momentarily at the ceiling anticipating the day. After a few minutes he rolled off his bed and quietly made his way to the kitchen. He found his mom putting the last of the cooked meat onto a plate. Also laid out were; pancakes, apple juice, and eggs. Smiling he hugged her from behind.

He hummed, "Smells amazing." He then grabbed a plate with a little of everything and went around the island to sit up on a barstool.

"Down boy." Anna said rolling her eyes. "I have a conference this weekend and I won't be home until Saturday...

Castiel looked up surprised but hid it and smiled, "No real need to worry. What real trouble do I get in?" His mother was often at work but didn't usually leave for more than a day at a time.

"I'm not worried," she paused, "well not about you but the world around you."

It was Castiel's turn to roll his eyes. Ever since middle school she became extra protective. As for most students, it wasn't Castiel's happiest years. On top of the average hormonal changes it was during this time that he had come out. Having been absent from his childhood for awhile, Anna went 'momma bear mode' and was constantly at anyone's throat who dare threaten her little boy.

"Mom," he exasperated, "nothing like that has happened in years."

"I know, Angel." She whispered picking at a piece of bacon, "but it's my job to worry about you."

He smiled happy to have her concern and resumed eating. "I'll be fine. Besides I can always call you. Right?" 

"Can? Once a day, at least." She said pointedly.

"Yes ma'am." Castiel saluted.

When he was full, he washed off his plate and quickly dressed for school. He’d spent more time than usual on breakfast but it was worth it. Running late herself, Anna dropped Castiel off at the front of the building. Taking the steps two at a time hurried off to his drawing class. He knew his teacher wouldn’t be upset but Charlie might worry. He’d already been absent recently which was unusual. Just as he was approaching his classroom door he heard his name.

“Cas!” Dean yelled from down the hall.

He turned towards Dean’s voice and watched as Dean jogged up to him. Dean had his sideways smile on and looked to be late to school himself. The taller boy had a bagel in one hand and was pulling on a plaid shirt.

“Hello Dean,” he greeted.

Dean took a bite of his bagel and smiled, “we're still meeting today, right?"

"Yes, of course." Castiel said softly.

"Cool. Library? Or...we could meet somewhere else. The library is a bit quiet for my taste." Dean popped the rest of his breakfast in his mouth and waited for Cas' response.

Castiel felt his stomach flip but kept his voice in control. "Where did your have in mind?"

"Dunno," Dean answered, "I'll text ya some ideas."

With that said he walked down the hallway with one hand in the air waving goodbye.

Castiel pulled the door to his classroom and slipped inside. His teacher had already finished giving the instructions for the day and stood in front of the glass drawing the assignment as well. Mr. Dwyer always did the same assignments as his students to not only give an example but to show that he would spend as much time as they did on his own work.

Charlie was grabbing some pencils and charcoal for her project. They were working on depth and shadows that week and today they were doing their final touches.

Castiel greeted his teacher who simply smiled at him and went back to his own work. Sitting at his usual desk he pulled up an easel and pulled his picture from his bag. He’s used an old photo in his house of his grandmother. She was his father’s mother. Castiel never had the chance to meet his grandparents but from his mother’s stories she was wise and taught her children to look for the best in people. Her phrase was, " _you can't measure someone's success by your expectations. For the most part, everyone is just doing the best they can._ "

He'd chosen a photo where she had an enormous grin while holding a baby, his father. The hardest part was capturing the light in her eyes. He had drawn, erased, redrawn, and completely started over on them. Charlie walked by his easel and sat down beside him. She took her time pulling out her own picture and sighed a bit when she compared it to his.

"Don't," Castiel said pointedly looking at her.

"You just...capture it." She explained frustrated.

"Charlie," he said sternly, turning to face her, "you are an amazing artist. We have different styles but your work has soul and compassion."

Charlie stared at him for a moment, "it's too early to be that deep, Cassie." She smiled, "thanks" then turned to her own piece and started making the final touches on her landscape.

Her work depicted a snowy mountain side with a frozen waterfall in the background and amongst the falling snow were foot prints that led to a wolf and her cubs. The overall effect was a sign of peace. Pure peace.

Returning to his own piece he started to shade his grandmother's face. He was actually quite proud of it. He first had dug up the picture in his attic. His mother then retold her story. What she did in life and how much she had loved her only son. Working on it he felt he had come to know her somehow. That's what it was like wasn't it? Knowing someone, learning their face, their history, life stories. Maybe it was that she reminded Castiel of his own mother.

"So..."Charlie started breaking his concentration, "you want a ride to Dean's place tonight?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed a bit too loud. It drew the attention of some of his classmates. Charlie giggled at him. He then said, "yeah. I uh, I don't wanna go there by myself."

"Course, Cassie. Tell ya what." She bargained, "Why don't we hang out before. We can pick up pizza on the way there, the boys are always starving."

Agreeing Castiel felt a bit more ease about it and put the fear down. It could be different. He was a very different person than he was at the beginning of high school and so was Dean.

During lunch Cas received a text asking if he would be okay meeting Dean at the local coffee shop on Briar St. Castiel had only been in there once, with Charlie but thought it would be adequate. The atmosphere was calming and there were plenty of places to relax by one of the fireplaces the store kept open during the colder months. He sent a quick reply saying he'd meet him there and then attempted to focus on what the teacher was saying.

By the end of the day Cas' hands were sweating. He couldn't do this. He got along with Sam okay and Charlie would be there yet he had a lump in his throat that only seemed to grow bigger as the minutes drew on. He fiddled with a button on his shirt until it fell off then started to make a blur of pencil on a page. It didn't turn into anything but a large silver square that held his anxiety.

 _This is stupid_ , he thought trying to piece himself together. Then, that horrible chill washed on him and reminded him of the only words he was trying to forget. " _Do I know you?"_

Those four words repeated in his head and all his feelings of loneliness creeped back into his brain. A pang of sadness hit him and he stopped scribbling on his paper. He looked up to see if any of his peers had noticed his awkwardness but the class remained focused on the teacher. He let out a small grateful sigh and tried the rest of the period to bury his thoughts of inadequacy. The bell rang and he slowly pulled his things together. Maybe if he took a long time the future would change. Near the doors of the school he spotted Charlie. He grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"Woah, Cassie." She mused teetering on her feet, "Talk about sweeping a girl off her feet."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "can you give me a ride?" He pleaded.

"Sure thing." She answered and pointed to her mom's car in the far corner of the parking lot. "Where to?" She beamed when they were seated. Castiel told her and rolled his eyes when she made an "ooo" sound upon hearing that Dean would be there.

Throughout the drive Charlie made wild theories most of which ended somehow where Dean and Castiel would be making out over a couple of mochas. Much to his pleasure it only took a few minutes to get there. Waving Castiel off like a mother taking her child to daycare Charlie stuck her head out the window and yelled good luck. Bowing his head he stepped into the coffee shop.

"Welcome to Cup of Heaven." A boy near Castiel's age yelled over the drink he was making for another customer. Castiel nodded to him and continued looking over the heads of customers to spot Dean. Subconsciously he started to rub his thumb nail getting nervous that he'd almost made it to the end of the shop without any sign of Dean. Cursing himself mentally he rounded the last corner and found him sitting in a booth with headphones plugged in. A little sigh escaped and with relief he sat down with the sandy haired boy.

Dean's eyes popped up and with a wrinkled smile he greeted him, "hiya Cas."

Castiel's nerves melted. For a moment he just stared. Noticing he was looking a bit too long Dean waved a hand in front of his face.

"Ground Control to Major Cas?" He asked smiling at Cas' confused look.

"Sorry." Castiel mumbled, "I just was...surprised you came."

It was Dean's turn to look at the other confused. He shifted in his seat and looked down at the paper he was working on.

"Do I...do I really give off that impression?" He asked softly as if he was scared for the answer.

"No!" Cas hurried, "....I mean. Kind of. Yeah." He finished awkwardly.

"Oh." Dean said uneasily.

"Don't." Cas said, "don't, uh, feel bad it's probably just me. I'm not usually...uh...social."

Dean gave Cas a crooked smile, "well. You're being social now."

Castiel returned the smile then asked how far the other boy had gotten on his essay. He wasn't surprised but a bit sad that Dean was still pretty behind. He didn't dare tell Dean though for fear he would just call it quits. They spent the next hour and a half talking about where the essay was going, reviewing to make sure they covered all the key points, then it was just a matter of some rephrasing.

Cas smiled at Dean seeing him do so much in a short amount of time.

"It looks great." Cas praised sincerely.

"Psh," Dean scoffed, "you did most the work."

"That's not true," Castiel contended, "I guided your ideas but they were all yours, Dean."

Dean's eyes caught his and for a split moment Castiel could tell that he'd stuck a close nerve. He quickly broke eye contact and started to fiddle with his pencil. Not two seconds later it flew out of his hand and hit a near by customer. He cringed and gave an apologetic wave to the girl. Dean started to laugh and he could feel his face flush.

"So," Dean asked still giggling, "am I giving you a ride to my place?"

Brought back to the real world by the question he met Dean's gaze. Careful not to stare too deeply at him he brought his eyes safely to his hands.

"Charlie," he said, "we're uh, getting pizza first, for all of us. Then we'll be over." He promised daring to look at those green eyes again.

"Cool," said the older boy nonchalantly putting his papers in his bag. He then stood up and said, "I wanna say thanks, Cas. I know I kinda blew you off at first. But, you're a real smart kid and I appreciate it."

Before Castiel could say anything Dean was once again waving over his shoulder as he waltzed out the front doors. Staring at the doors he realized he was smiling heavily and he straightened his face and put his things away determined not to over think the last couple of hours and pushing out the fear of the oncoming ones. Once packed up he called Charlie to tell her they were done. He hung up and walked out the doors as well thanking the owners for their hospitality. Enjoying the rare sunshine this time of year he chose a nearby rock and sat waiting for the inevitable teasing Charlie would bring.


	8. Chapter 8

Five o'clock rolled by and Dean was stuffing the random assortment of things back in their "proper" spot. He always felt a bit nervous when people were coming over, knowing that they didn't have the nicest house he felt he needed to at least have what little they had well taken care of. Dean was just shoving a shoe under the couch when Sam walked in.

"Hey!" He exclaimed, "I've been looking for the other one!"

Dean rolled his eyes then reluctantly crawled under the couch to retrieve the shoe he had just hidden. He threw it at his brother and moved onto the next item to be hidden.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked setting the hurled shoe in the shoe bucket by the door.

"Hmm?" Dean hummed, "what do you mean?" He stood up and looked at his mop haired brother.

"It's just game night." Sam tried to pry, "what's up with the mass cleaning?"

"Cas is coming." Dean stated like this was obvious.

"Your point?" Sam continued.

"Sammy," Dean sighed. He rubbed the back of his head. "It's just...I'd like for once to feel like our guest don't think we live in a dump."

The boys weren't living in complete poverty. What little money their dad didn't spend on road trips and booze the boys used to pay for the bills and upkeep for the house. Their spending money came from Dean's job which helped pay for food as well. As an early teenager it had bothered Dean that he was the only one doing anything to help but now it was no longer an obligation. He loved getting something new for Sammy. Even if it was a new pair of jeans. Often he would hold off on stuff for himself so Sam could join the science club or go on field trips. When Sam would ask where the money came from he had always said from Dad but they both knew that was a lie.

"Dean..." Sam said a bit hesitant, "you don't know much about Cas do you?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, "the kid is smart, quiet, weird, dorky, rich lil dude."

Sam laughed, "Nice choice of words, but not was I was trying to say."

Dean didn't find out what Sammy has been trying to say because just then the doorbell rang. Dean jumped a little bit then hurried to the door. Giving Sam a hopeful smile he opened the door. There stood Charlie who started without a word came into their house.

"Where's...?" Sam began but his question was answered.

In stumbled Castiel holding three pizzas and a liter of soda. He poked his head from around the boxes and smiled at the two siblings. Carefully he walked towards the coffee table in the middle of the living room and set down their dinner. He then straightened up and attempted to fix his hair which was a mess.

"Hey." The black haired boy said simply.

"What, uh--?," Dean began to ask.

"I had to serve my penance." Castiel said like this was obvious.

"Uh..." Sam said echoing his brother.

"Cassie." Charlie spoke in a firm voice. "Tell the boys what you did."

Castiel sighed at his friend, took in a deep breath, and retold what had happened.

"Charlie," he said in her direction,"was kind enough to pick me up from the coffee house and I was wrong to tell her that her driving was that of an old lady and in saying she should retake the driving exam, to help not only her, but society."

At this Dean started laughing. It was true that Charlie drove at a sluggish place but he thought it had only been him to notice because he drove faster than others. He walked to Cas and clapped him on the back.

"You've got guts, Novak." He said and decided he'd be the first to get a slice of pizza. "Course," he said with food in his mouth, "I'm surprised she didn't make you do more for her."

"Who do you think paid for the pizza?" Cas retorted with a smile.

Charlie beamed at this and broke open the Coke offering Sam and Dean some. Dean heartily accepted and sat down next to Charlie on the couch. He'd known her for a few years but he felt he didn't have the same bond as Cas and Charlie.

"Where's Kevin?" Charlie asked while stuffing almost a whole slice in her mouth.

"He bailed." Dean answered, "he had to study for a test or somethin."

The group had gone through two and a half boxes before they were curled up on the couch together like a sack of potatoes. Dean could barely move his arms and felt Charlie lay her head on his shoulder. On his left, he saw Sam nearly asleep with his eyes drooping. Smiling at the group he peered around Charlie's head. Cas had his head in Charlie's lap and one hand hanging off the couch. It was only six o'clock but Dean felt just as sleepy as the rest of them. Giving in to sleep he leaned his head on Charlie's and let it take him.

Not a half hour later the front door swung open hitting the wall behind it. Dean's eyes flew open. In the doorway stood John. Even from this distance Dean could tell his father's eyes were bloodshot. He couldn't tell if it was from crying or from drinking. John stumbled and ran into the closet door. ' _Definitely drunk then_ ' he thought. Seeming to get a hold of his surroundings he finally spoke up.

"What the hell, Dean." He said grumpily.

"Sorry," Dean responded quickly tried to get up and attempt to clean some of the mess.

Dean's movements had a chain reaction. Charlie woke up and caught herself before falling over, this had awoken Cas and Sam was up in seconds piling dirty plates while Dean got the cups.

"I leave for two days and you just decide to have a sleepover with your queer friend and some kid I don't know?!" John raged, "who the hell are you?" John said turning his anger on Cas.

Castiel sat almost frozen in his seat. He looked John in the eyes however and made sure his face remained absolutely still so he wouldn't give John any wrong signal.

"I'm Castiel Novak, sir," he said confidently, "I go to school with Sam and Dean."

"Least you ain't some queer." John said still tripping on his own feet trying to go towards the kitchen.

Dean turned his gaze to Charlie and mouthed to her how sorry he was. He felt his chest tighten and couldn't imagine how horrible this must be for her.

"I'm just leaving." She yelled over her shoulder at John's back.

Without another word she had her purse and was out the door. Dean cringed at the door slamming behind her and glared at his dad in the kitchen.

"What the fuck was that?!" He demanded. He didn't care how shitty of a day or how damn drunk he was, John was more of an ass today than usual. He saw red and felt his hands clench in fists. If Sammy wasn't currently holding him physically back he was sure he would've hopped the couch and punched his dad.

"Watch your language, boy!" John screamed back.

Dean carried the cups he had picked up and the plates and went to the kitchen to throw them away. With more force than necessary he threw them in the trash. Stomping back into the living room he nodded to Sam who got the message instantly.

He then turned to Cas. The dark haired boy's face was pale, making his eyes seem a brighter shade of blue. His hands were in his lap and clenched together so his knuckles were white. Blues eyes found Dean's. His friend's eyes were full of fear. His chest tightening again he motioned with his hands for Cas to get up and follow Sam out the front door.

Once both boys were out of the house Dean went upstairs and quickly through some pj's and new clothes in a bag for himself and Sam. He made a quick stop to grab their toothbrushes and swung the full backpack over his shoulder then quietly crept out to meet the two other boys outside. It wasn't till they were on the road that Castiel spoke.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." He said softly.

This was a wildly different tone than his father's and Dean had to look Castiel in the eye just to be certain someone could be that calm.

"You don't need to be sorry." Dean replied in a quiet voice as well. "It's not your dad who is a complete asshole."

"You two are welcome to stay with me." Cas said off topic," my mom is out of town and I have the place to myself. She actually might be happy if I wasn't alone."

"Gee... Cas," Dean started, Dean didn't like feeling like a charity case but Sammy finished.

"We'd love to! As long as you're sure we won't be in the way." Sam said brightly.

"Of course you won't be." Cas waved his hand at them in reassurance, "besides, we have three extra bedrooms and I own quite a few video games myself."

Dean smiled at this. It dawned on him that maybe Charlie kept Cas around because of his demeanor. He was calm and collected even in difficult situations. He could still hold normal conversation like nothing was wrong.

"We can invite Charlie in the morning and have breakfast together." Castiel offered, "she's probably too upset today and she'll need her space. But," he paused dramatically, "no one can resist my chocolate chip pancakes."

Sam turned to Dean with a large smile. The boys agreed and thanked Cas for being so generous. They pulled up to Castiel's house. Dean felt a bit awkward. A few weeks ago he didn't even know this kid and now he was sleeping at his house. Pushing down his feelings he followed Sam and Cas into the house.

Inside was nicer than Dean had imagined. The living room was full of light from all the windows, the couches looked new and the whole front walkway was tiled to match the carpet. Castiel showed them upstairs and pointed out the rooms they could use. The three then went downstairs and Dean decided to poke his head into the kitchen. Like the living room the kitchen filled with light. It could have been that all the cupboards and appliances were white but everything was spotless as well. ' _Real house of Angels'_ he thought to himself. He caught up to the others who were seated in the living room.

Sam was sitting with Cas on the floor choosing a game to play.

"Mario or Super Smash Brothers?" Sam asked Dean as soon as he entered the room.

"Let's play Mario." Dean chose, "I think we could use a little...more calm."

Knowingly Cas nodded and put the game in. The three of them sat on the couch. Sam on his right and Cas on his right. Dean chose Mario because he was the oldest and oldest get first choice. Following that rule Cas chose Toad and Sammy chose Luigi.

Soon the room was full of the boy's laughter and yelling. Sam complained every round that Dean was trying to kill him. Cas somehow excelled at every level and would wait patiently for the brothers to catch up to him before going on ahead.

Eventually the game ended when Sam's character picked up Mario and threw him purposely into a pit of lava.

"Suck on that!!!" He screamed in triumph.

Dean tackled Sam to the floor and refused to let him up until Sam apologized. Castiel sat laughing at the pair of them. Dean stood up and raised two fists in victory. Sam pushed Dean lightly and asked if they could watch a movie. Castiel got up and opened a small closet to the left of the TV, inside was full of movies.

"Damn." Dean said in awe, "Any chance you have Lord of the Rings?"

"Duh," Cas said rolling his eyes, "what kind of a nerd would I be without them?"

Laughing Sam suggested they start at the beginning for nostalgic reasons. Putting the disk in Castiel left for a few minutes and grabbed some blankets and popcorn.

Like the brothers, Cas seemed to have the entire movie memorized and often spoke word for word what the scripted lines were. Cas was interesting to watch because although he'd probably seen the movie too many times to count his face still filled with emotion. It softened when the Fellowship got out of danger and he clenched his fists when something dramatic happened.

Dean found himself looking more at Cas than the movie but tried not to analyze why too deeply. At the end of the movie, Sam had fallen asleep and Dean could tell his eyes were heavy again.

He turned to look at Cas. The boy sat with his knees curled up and his eyes seemed a bit misty. Before Dean could ask what was wrong, Cas turned to him and gave a small smile.

"I love this movie," he said plainly, "it makes me wish I had friends like this." He laughed with self pity but smiled like it didn't hurt so bad.

"Cas." Dean said seriously, "me and Sammy. We'll be your friends. I mean you've done more for me today then most my friends have done in a year." He didn't realize how true it was until he'd said it aloud.

"That's sweet, Dean." Cas whispered,"but I'm sure that's not true."

Dean was about to disagree but Cas' phone began to ring. Looking at his phone, he told Dean he needed to take it and walked quickly into another room. Dean took the opportunity to wake Sam.

"Hey," he said, "let's get you upstairs"

Nodding aimlessly Sam followed him upstairs. The boys brushed their teeth and Dean let Sam choose which room he wanted. He took the far one at the end of the hall which left Dean with the one next to Cas'. Sam bid Dean goodnight and disappeared into the room.

Making his way downstairs he went back to the living room and began to clean the mess they had made. In walked Cas who wordlessly helped Dean. When the last blanket was folded he couldn't keep his silence anymore.

"Thank you." He practically blurted at the shorter boy.

"It's not a problem," Castiel assured him,"any time you need a place."

"Thanks." Dean said again.

He could tell he was staring at Cas but neither said anything. Dean wondered how it was that he wasn't friends with Cas before. Without thinking he took a step forward and hugged him. Taken aback, Cas stood with his hands to the side for a moment then gently patted Dean's back. Dean felt his face redden a bit and stepped back quickly.

"I'm sorry." He said looking at his feet.

Castiel just laughed at him, "Its fine."

Dean smiled and turned towards the stairs, the two walked side by side up them and down the hall. At his door Castiel hesitated.

"Dean-" he began. But then closed his mouth like he wanted to take it back.

"Hmm?" Dean inquired, "better out than in" he said although he rarely followed his own advice.

"Uh, it's nothing. Goodnight." Cas smiled then went into his room.

Shrugging it off Dean went into his own chosen room and flopped down on the bed still fully clothed. It had been an emotionally draining day and nothing felt better than the soft comforter that seemed to envelop his body. He thought briefly to ask Cas to come to Victor's party tomorrow but before he knew it he had fallen asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

_Castiel fixed his shirt one more time in the mirror. It was the first day of seventh grade, and he was terrified. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that Balth had given him advice on what to do in certain social situations and practiced conversations with him to make sure he could make friends on his own._

_Ever since elementary school the two were inseparable. Castiel liked that he didn’t feel pressured into any social events or any feeling of awkwardness when his friend was around. Balth was patient, kind, and always ready to beat anyone up who spoke ill of him. At times Cas felt that he had a bodyguard and he loved it._

_The doorbell rang and his mom called for him from downstairs saying Balthazar had come to pick him up. Panicking, he attempted to flatten his hair then gave it up as a lost cause and ran to meet his friend. He shook his head as his friend came into view; Balthazar was dressed in the school uniform minus the tie and the first couple buttons were down so that the collar flared._

_“There you are, Cassie,” Balth smiled, “tip top shape as usual.”_

_“Ha-ha.” Castiel laughed sarcastically._

_“Aw! Sweetie!” Anna squealed, “Look at my little boy!”_

_"Moooom," Castiel whined, "can we not. Please."_

_"Oh, I'm sorry." She consoled, "I'll stop." She smiled regardless and hugged him tightly._

_"Mooommm." He cried again._

_Once outside Balthazar smirked at him. Cas shoved him and ran ahead so his friend couldn't push him back. He felt a little better with Balth there to reassure him. He couldn't imagine what his nerves would be like if he had to go to school alone. He let out a breath of relief and slowed down waiting for Balth._

_A slight wind ran by and Castiel rubbed his shoulders wishing he'd brought a jacket._

_"Need me to warm you up?" Balthazar teased when he caught up._

_"Wow," Cas sighed, "I almost forgot how pleasant you are."_

_"Oh come on, you totally missed me." His friend said gleefully._

_"Yeah, yeah." Cas said rolling his eyes. "How was New York anyway?" He said changing the topic._

_"Glorious! Oh Cassie, we're going one day." Balth promised._

_Balthazar's father was a pilot for the Air Force and his family never stayed in one place for very long. Castiel considered himself lucky his mother and let their son stay behind to attend school while they went over seas. He was even more grateful that his friend had wanted to stay._

_Between the play by play Castiel lost track of the conversation. He tuned in again when he moved on from talking about New York to their future plans. For a moment he assumed that Balth was referring to his parents then he caught his name._

_"Wait." Castiel said stopping in his tracks, "you want me to move around with you?" He asked incredulously._

_"Of course!" Balthazar assured, "where would I be without you!"_

_A bolt ran from Castiel's rib cage to his toes. He knew that he considered Balth his best friend but he was still shocked that his friend felt the same. From the time he was little, Castiel was used to people coming in and out of his life. This friendship was different, and he loved every moment of it._

_The boys had  a short walk to school with it just under a mile from Cas' house. Besides neither really wanted to show up with a parent walking them in. They rounded the corner at the end of the street and Cas felt himself look over at Dean's house. The boys hadn't spoken in all these years;  even when Cas had come back to live in this house. Part of him wondered what the other was doing and if Dean remembered him. He began to look away when the Winchester's front door opened. A little Sam came skipping out the door with an annoyed Dean. Sam was running around Dean begging him to hurry. Rather than get mad Dean simply toppled to the ground. Frustrated, Sam tried to tug his brother along by his arm._

_"Whatcha lookin at?" Balth asked._

_"Huh?" Cas said wistfully. Balthazar had brought him back to his own life, "Oh, nothing. Sorry" he apologized and smiled._

_By the time he glanced back at the brothers they were heading the other direction. Castiel thought maybe he'd talk to them one of these days on the way to school, until then he brought all his attention to his best friend. There was always time to get to know Dean again._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

 _"I hope that you don't suffer_  
But take the pain  
Hope when the moment comes  
You'll say...  
I, I did it all  
I, I did it all  
I owned every second  
That this world could give  
I saw so many places  
The things that I did  
Yeah, with every broken bone  
I swear I lived"

 

Sang Castiel's alarm waking him to the new day. No matter the years,  he always felt drawn back to OneRepublic. There were those few songs that touched his soul.

Stretching, he moaned out his sleep and rolled over. The time read 9:00 a.m. but he wasn't worried, it was Saturday and he didn't really have anything particular planned. He did however pull out his phone and text Charlie. First, to see if she was okay, and second, if she wanted breakfast.

Within two minutes she responding saying she be over in ten minutes. This gave Cas a deadline so begrudgingly he got out of bed and threw on an old tee shirt. He hadn't heard Sam or Dean get up yet but that was fine because he wanted them to feel at home here.

Castiel knew he'd only recently befriended Dean again but from the looks of his home life it seemed that the brothers needed a safe zone where they could relax and be kids. He hoped he hadn't stepped over a line he shouldn't have but they did seem thankful the night before.

Quickly and quietly Cas made his way downstairs. He pulled all his ingredients out and began to mix the pancake batter. He'd just gotten the lumps out when the doorbell rang. He wiped the extra flour mixture on his hands and went to get the door for Charlie. The moment he saw her, he pulled her into a hug. Wordlessly she held him back, he tried to put all his sympathy in the embrace then pulled back.

"Glad to have you," he said with a large grin.

"Good to be wanted," she said seriously, then added, "why is it that when I come over you're in pj's?"

Castiel was happy to see she was feeling better, and that her sense of humor was back. He rolled his eyes, then turned to walked back in the kitchen. Upon reaching the doorway he heard Charlie speak again.

"Hiya, Sam." She called.

Cas peaked his head around the corner and saw Sam reach the bottom of the stairs. His hair matched his own and a dazed and dewy smile was on his face. For a moment, Castiel was sure that if a puppy could be turned into a human it would be Sam Winchester.

"Mornin," Sam said sleepily. "Is Cas up?"

"Here!" Cas spoke up from the kitchen.

The two followed Cas into the kitchen, Charlie promptly found her favorite chair. Sam, however, awkwardly for a moment shifting back and forth on his feet.

"Would you like help?" He offered.

"No," Castiel assured him, " I do this for my mom. It's nothing really."

Nodding, Sam sat next to Charlie. The three of them were all in pajamas and it made Cas giggle a little bit. He'd never had a lot of friends over and now that he did they all seemed still asleep and zoning out every few minutes.

"What's----" Dean asked from the doorway yawning, "so funny?"

"Don't ask me," said Charlie who was looking at him like he had finally lost it.

"We--" He laughed, "we all look so stupid." Cas dropped his mixing spoon in the pancake batter and held his stomach.

The other three looked at each other curiously then started to laugh as well. It was true. Charlie was missing a sock and had one leg of her pants rolled to her thigh. Sam's hair looked like he was put in a dryer and his tee shirt was too big so one shoulder hung out. Dean was still in the clothes he was before except they were all wrinkly like day after sex. Castiel knew he wasn't a dreamboat either. He was covered in batter, from head to toe he could feel it slowly drying on his skin.

Still giggling he took off his glasses and rubbed off the mess on them. He looked at Dean who still stood in the middle of the room smiling at his friends. For a moment they locked eyes then Dean turned away with a trail of blush on his neck. Cas hid his own smile and began pouring the batter on the griddle. He focused on the bubbles forming on the cooking food rather than the eyes he knew were following him.

“Want me to make eggs?” Dean asked from the table.

“Booyah!” Sam encouraged.

“That would be delicious,” Cas said, “There’s a carton in the fridge on the door.”

“Cas!” exclaimed Sam, “Dean’s eggs are delicious. You’re never going to make eggs again because his are like...I dunno what they’re like but they’re good.”

Charlie laughed at Sam and offered to go buy some orange juice, but Cas refused saying there was some in the basement. She took Sam with her which left Dean and Cas alone for a minute. He looked up at Dean who was staring back. Both faked a cough and went back to their separate cooking. Suddenly the basement door burst open.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” screamed Sam.

A moment later Charlie emerged from the basement with the orange juice in one hand the other on her knee to hold herself while she laughed.

“It’s not funny!” Sam pleaded.

“You are such a scaredy cat.” Charlie mused and poured the orange juice in a pitcher then grabbed some ice from the fridge. Finally, they all sat down and ate breakfast. No one said much. But they didn't have to. Castiel realized that sometimes you don't need to have a long conversation to have friends. You simply need to stick around when they need you.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Charlie and Sam agreed to do the dishes because Dean and Cas cooked. Excited to have the free time the two decided to turn on a movie in the other room. Dean stared at the closet filled with movies in awe. There was everything; action, horror, humor, drama, suspense. His eyes went over the romantic comedy section and smiled at Sweet Home Alabama. He would never admit it to Sam but it was one of his favorites.

“How about this one?” Cas said holding up the second Star Trek.

“Woah now.” Dean said taking the DVD from him, “You can’t watch the second one without watching the first.

“That’s a dumb rule.” replied Cas rolling his eyes.

“Psh!” Dean mumbled in disgust, “That’s like saying you can watch Return of the King without watching the Fellowship.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Cas contended, “No one, has time to watch the whole trilogy and then by the time you get around to watching the third one you’ve completely forgot all your feelings from the first couple.”

“You are impossible.” Dean exasperated, “Fall break. Me and you. We’re watchin the trilogy, baby. And you are gonna be proved wrong.” He finished dramatically by poking Cas’ chest at the end of every other word.

"You're so demanding, but I'm sure it's an act." Cas laughed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked eyebrows wrinkling.

Cas opened his mouth to answer but Sam came in the room.

"You're both wrong," he announced, "we're watching The Italian Job."

"I love that one." Cas agreed and pulled the movie down.

"Yaaaas bitches!" Squealed Charlie who joined them.

The dark haired boy grinned at him mischievously which made his ears burn. Dean knew the conversation wasn't over but also knew it wasn't something he wanted to share with his brother. He had a weird friendship with Cas, he just didn't get the younger boy. A few days ago he was pissed and now he invited them all and over for some strange sleepover type thing. On top of that one  minute he was quiet and thoughtful the next he was laughing and making sarcastic comments. Plus, the kid dressed in what looked like second hand clothing but clearly he was loaded.

_ That's why I can't stop looking at him,  _ He told himself and joined the others on the couch. This time around he sat next to Sam and Charlie determined not to just watch his new friend the entirety of the movie.

This proved difficult.

Mid movie Charlie fell asleep on his shoulder and Sam was the type that if you ever spoke to him in a movie he would glare at you instead. "It was all about immersion" he argued when teased about it. This only left Cas. The only problem was that the other seemed to have better focus. No matter how many times Dean tried to catch his eye, Cas remained glued to the movie. Feeling a bit put out and agitated he followed Charlie's suit and fell asleep.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Sam in a small voice

"It's fine," Charlie insisted.

Dean was still mostly asleep hearing the two banter. He wanted to ask what the fuss was about but he was super comfortable. He moaned slightly and rolled towards the back of the couch. A moment later he felt a blanket fall over him.

"I told you," Cas' voice came, "let's let him sleep."

Once the three pairs of feet had wandered away, Dean grabbed the nearest edge of the blanket and pulled it closer. Making himself comfortable again he felt his mind wander, and let sleep take him.

Dean awoke much later, at least he assumed it was later. There was no longer massive amounts of  light coming in through the windows and the lights in the living room had been turned off. Sitting up quickly he rubbed his eyes. There was a single light on from the kitchen. Rounding up all his motivation he went towards it.

Still squinting from the light change, he ambled in slowly. At the table sat Charlie, Cas, and a red haired woman he didn't recognize.

"Morning sunshine!" Charlie called when she spotted him.

"What time is it?" He said in a low grumbly voice.

"Relax," Charlie assured, "it's only like six."

Dean nodded once and joined the group. Still feeling dazed he realized Sam wasn't there. A slight panic filled his chest, then Cas spoke.

"Sam went to Jessica's house." The younger boy said kindly, "I took him over there and said I'd be back for him by seven-thirty."

"Thank god," Dean whispered, "uh, thank you."

"It looked like you needed to sleep." Cas explained simply, "there is some pizza in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Thanks," he said again and got up to find some food.

This is honestly the weirdest twenty-four hours of my life, he thought. He pulled open the fridge and found three different pizza boxes. He was amazed for a moment that he had really slept through all of this. He picked a box then set it on the counter pulling out a piece and tuned back into the group's conversation.

“How was your conference?” Castiel asked the red haired woman, “Did they like your speech?”

“It went great!” she beamed, “although, I think it means they might have me travel more often now that they know how amazing I am.”

“That’s nothing to be sad about, Anna,” Charlie chimed in.

“Really though, Mom,” Cas agreed, “don’t mind me here, I’m sure Charlie will keep me out of trouble.”

Dean felt his eyebrow furrow. He looked back and forth between Cas and his mom. The two looked nothing alike. While his mother was short with long flowing red hair and green eyes, Cas was tall, lanky, dark hair and blue eyes. He wondered for a moment if Cas looked more like his dad, then realized he’d never even heard Cas talk about him. He could’ve left them, he told himself.

“Dean.” the woman said softly.

He didn't know why but for some reason he felt calm when she spoke he assumed it was because her tone reminded him of his own mother. It had been awhile since he thought about her and he told himself he was gonna take Sammy up to her grave in the next week.

“Yes ma’am?” he answered.

“Come sit, sweetie,” She motioned to the chair on her left.

Dean felt awkward suddenly. He took one last huge gulp of food then walked to where she pointed. He felt the room’s eyes on him but ignored it. It wasn’t the first time the room went quiet when he walked past people. Giving a small head nod to Charlie and a smile to Cas he encouraged Mrs. Novak to continue.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Not at all,” She waved him off.

“So you travel for work?” Dean asked wanting the attention off of himself.

“Yes, I’m a spokesperson for a company so they occasionally send me places when they feel that a more personal touch is required.” She smiled at this, “It’s strange really, I never considered myself very personable.”

It was then that Dean realized he knew that smile. Cas gave him the same one fairly often, it was a vague turn of the mouth but enough to show emotion. He saw where Cas’ calm aura came from, the two practically bled it out with each breath making it so the house itself radiated with it.  

“Mom?” Cas asked, “May I borrow the car? I told Sam I would pick him up soon.”

“That’s not necessary.” Dean cut in. “We can take my car. If you just wanna come so I know where to go.”

“Problem solved, it looks like,” Anna smiled.

“You comin?” Dean turned to Charlie.

“No,” she answered, “My mom is going to worry if I’m gone much longer. I’ll see you later tonight though.”

Bidding goodbye to Anna the three set off. Charlie waved to the two boys and crawled into her mom’s minivan. Dean laughed that she still had to drive the damn thing. He mostly didn’t have a problem with cars. As long as owners took care of them they could be driving a beat up five hundred dollar car and it wouldn’t set off a single nerve. But something about minivans was just ridiculous to Dean. They were too large, too pretentious, too family-like for his taste.

“Where to?” Dean asked when he sat down in Baby.

“It’s just a couple miles to the east.” Cas said pointing down the road.

Dean nodded and turned on his tape player; AC/DC came blaring through the windows and Cas looked a bit shocked. Reluctantly he turned the volume down to an ‘acceptable’ level and hummed along.

“You really like that?” Cas asked innocently.

“You’re kidding.” Dean shot back, “They’re fuckin classic.”

Cas shrugged and went back to staring out the window in silence. Dean wanted to argue with him but it seemed a bit rude to argue with someone who spent so much of the last couple days to help him out.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean said calling his attention.

The boy turned to face him and Dean was sure that if he was standing his knees would feel wobbly. Mentally talking himself up he blurted out what he had wanted to ask since the day before.

“Youwannagotovictor’sparty.” Dean hurried. He cursed himself because it all came out as one word.

“Sorry?” Cas inquired.

“Uh-” Dean paused, determined to get it right, “My friend Victor, the black kid,” he motioned with his hands that Victor was tall, “he’s having a birthday party tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to go.”

Cas tilted his head, “If you’re just inviting me because you feel guilty, I would rather not go.”

“That’s not--,” Dean interrupted, “ I mean, I was gonna ask earlier this week but I just forgot until today. I mean, I do appreciate everything you’ve done in the past couple days but we’re friends...right?” Cas’ words hurt more than he thought they would but he had hoped that his reasoning had made some sort of sense.

“Um, okay,” Cas agreed hesitantly, “the party scene isn't one i’m usually around for….so you’ll have to be stuck with the awkward nerd kid I assume.”

“Psh,” Dean waved him off, “you’re cool, you’ll fit no problem. Plus, Charlie will be there so when you’re sick of my sorry ass you’ll have her.”

Blush built on Cas’ face, “I don’t think I’m going to get tired of you Dean. Charlie will be nice to have around as well though.”

Feeling good about the situation Dean drove with more ease and found that before long they had arrived. He knew which house it was before Cas even pointed it out. It was huge. There was no other word for it. It made Cas’ house look like a small suburban house and his own like something found in a trailer park. Subconsciously his breath hitched and he slowly got out of the car. He’d only reached the sidewalk when he heard the passenger door open.

“I’ll come with you.” Cas said sounding nonchalant.

Dean smiled at him and said a silent thank you to whatever gods were listening out there. He hoped that with Cas’ appearance maybe he wouldn't look so grungy. When they reached the door, Dean stared at his sneakers, one had a hole in the side that obviously said he hadn’t had a new pair in a long time. The other’s lace was a different color and tied in a couple spots because he had spent his shoes money on a new book for Sam. The more he thought about his appearance the lower he felt. When he pushed the doorbell he didn’t even look up to see who answered.

“Dean!” Jess sang, “I’m happy you’re here.”

He looked up in surprise, he didn’t know Jess super well. Only what Sam had said about her. Feeling more at ease however he smiled at her and came through the door when she invited them in.

“Sam is just putting on his shoes,” She said still smiling at him.

“Cool.” Dean said nodding once. He felt his awkwardness creeping back in.

“Your house is lovely,” Cas chimed in.

For the second time he sent up a silent prayer thanking whoever was in charge for sending Cas. He was going to attempt to add something to the conversation when Sam came bounding down the stairs like a lost puppy.

“Dean!” he said in the same tone voice as Jess.

“Thank you,” Dean said when they were leaving, “for watching over my brother. He’s a handful sometimes.”

Jess waved him off and held Sam back for a hug as Dean and Cas continued toward the car. He opened his door and laid his head on the steering wheel waiting for Sam.

“They are very cute.” Cas said when he climbed in as well.

“Hmm?” Dean asked raising his head. Sam and Jess were still at the doorway holding hands and smiling at each other. “That’s my boy.” he cheered quietly. The two on the porch shared a quick kiss which made Dean laugh because even from the distance he could see his brother’s face turn cherry red.

“Leave ‘em alone,” Cas chastised.

This did nothing to change Dean’s taunting all the way back to their house. Sam was giving Dean the silent treatment while he made kissy faces and ‘aw’ noises at his sibling. While he gave Sam such a hard time he really was pleased that his brother was happy. Every so often at home he could see that his brother was feeling frustrated or depressed and he loved the sunshine person he had become after he met Jess. He sent one final silent prayer for that girl too, this was too much prayin for one day and he felt a bit guilty he was gonna go drink till he couldn’t stand straight in about an hour.

“I’ll be home probably around one,” Dean told his brother when they arrived. “Don’t do anything to make Dad angry. Oh, and if he asks we went to Victor’s or Ash’s house last night.”

“Dean.” Sammy sighed, “I know. Please don’t drink and drive though. I’m sure Cas will give you a ride.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean said pushing his brother’s comments out of his mind.

“I’ll look after him.” Cas promised making Sam smile.

After a firm talking about Cas’ outfit they made a pit stop back at his place to get a change of clothes. It took nearly forty-five minutes but Dean convinced him into a navy v-neck and an old pair of jeans. Castiel tried to argue that they were his yard work pants and it would be dumb to wear them to a party. Eventually, Dean talked him into this century and together the boys set off.

 


	11. Chapter 11

_It was the third day of summer break in their third year of middle school. Balthazar had suggested they go to the lake and reluctantly Castiel agreed but made sure to bring extra sunscreen. Balth put down his foot rejecting Cas' idea of an oversized hat he tried to sneak with them._

_"Cassie," he started rolling his eyes, "you won't need it, sweetheart."_

_Balthazar was always one to flirt but lately, it seemed, even at the little things, Castiel's face flushed brightly. He turned quickly and tried to hide his reaction. This was going to be a long day if this behavior continued. They took Castiel's car because the gas mileage was better. A half hour in, he was surprised to see they were low on gas. Seeing his discomfort Balthy offered to pay for it._

_"No," Castiel said quietly, "it's fine. Balthazar just stared at him._

_"Come on, Cassie." He teased while poking his nose with one finger, "let me do something for you." He raised just one eyebrow and a mischievous gleam flicked in his blue eyes._

_"Fine, but only enough to get us there and back," Cassie agreed and pointedly looked out the window. The fresh air from the window calmed his nerves a bit and he breathed slowly. A few minutes later he pulled off the road at a gas station. Balthazar gave him a large smile and explained he'd pay inside, still nervous Castiel opened the tank and filled his car. '_ No reason to make him pay for more _' he thought. Just then Balthazar popped up on his right._

_"I got you a popsicle" he smiled handing Castiel a simple cherry flavored one._

_"Thanks," He replied truly grateful, "it's extremely hot today."_

_He looked over to see the sandy haired boy just smiling at him. He had gotten a banana flavored one which made Castiel's mind wander to the gutter, he blushed._

_Balthazar then looked at the floor and made his way to the passenger side of the car. Not even two minutes on the road Castiel heard slurping noises from the boy beside him. Puzzled he looked at his friend. Balthazar had his entire popsicle in his mouth, doing this made all sorts of noises that made Castiel's pants tighten a bit. Shifting to get more comfortable he hoped Balthazar hadn't realized he was staring. He saw a gleam in his friends eye and then Balth turned to him and made one long lick up the side of his ice cream. Castiel choked. Whether this was from air leaving his lungs too quickly or from him swallowing spit in the wrong hole he didn't know. Either way he found himself in a coughing fit to which Balthy just laughed and continued to make obscene gestures._

_"Choking already, darling?" He mused, "we haven't even started."_

_Castiel blushed furiously again. He couldn't connect the dots to even form a sentence. Balthazar had always been his friend and only recently had he been looking at him in a romantical way._

_"I don't. I mean." Cassie stumbled, this isn't going well he thought miserably._

_"Turn left." His friend said pointing in front of them._

_Castiel willed his eyes back to the road and pointedly didn't make eye contact again until they reached the beach. The moment they reach the sand Balthazar demanded that he stop the car. Within seconds his friend had grabbed the nearest pool noddle, striped down to his swim shorts, and was running, yelling with glee while jumping into the lake._

_Castiel sat a bit stunned at his friend but couldn't help but laugh when he saw Balthazar reemerge shivering and calling for him. Castiel took his time gathering his things and walked timidly to his friend. He made a small area for the two of them to rest on the shore then stripped down himself and then approached the cool water._

_"Come on already, Cassie" Balthy insisted. Seeing that Castiel was worried about the temperature he smiled deviously._

_"Don't you dare." Castiel reprimanded as soon as he guess his friend's plan. But it was too late... Balthazar had climbed out of the water, picked up Castiel in one swift motion and walked back into the water. Castiel squealed at him and tried to push away before the water reached him. His blood chilled upon impact and pushed Balthazar when he found his footing._

_"So help me." He shivered when Balthazar was fully dunked in the water._

_"Oh come on, love," Balthy mused when he resurfaced._

_Castiel smiled at him and splashed water at him to let him know he wasn't angry. "You wanna swim to the other side?" He asked._

_"Race?" Balthy asked._

_"Haha, no." Castiel chuckled. He wasn't up for anything too strenuous. School had just ended for the summer and he wanted nothing more than to just relax._

_Balthazar nodded knowingly and together they set off for a far side beach. It took them a fair twenty minutes to reach the other side._

_Both boys were breathing heavy when they finally made it and as always Balthy made an over dramatic event of climbing ashore and waving his arms in the air. After gasping about land he collapsed on the ground. Castiel laughed at his friend, then started to walk past him. Unexpectedly he was pulled down next to his friend just as he reached his head._

_"What the-" was all Castiel managed as he was seized by the ankles._

_Balthazar was laughing and crawled to meet his gaze, "Hey there." He mumbled to Castiel's face which was now only a few inches away._ _Castiel felt his face flare red._

_"Wha-," he started but then he took in the blond boy's eyes and lost his thought, "hi." He finished dumbly._

_Balthazar smiled at him. He looked into his eyes to make sure Castiel was okay then he gave him a quick kiss on his lips. Castiel thought his face was red before but now he was sure it was a shade of maroon. He paused only half a second and returned Balth's kiss. The boys stared at each other, smiling, enjoying the moment. Castiel began to trace Balthazar's chest and smiled to himself, pleased. Balth only giggled and pulled him closer._

_They laid on the bank losing track of time and sharing kisses. The sun beat down on them but nothing could break this moment._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

"You okay?" Dean asked him.

Cas looked up, he had be daydreaming and hadn't realized they pulled up to their destination.

He nodded to Dean then took in a large breath telling himself to breathe. Shaking slightly he pulled the door handle and got out of the old car. He stuffed his shaking hands in his pockets, hoping that it would look like he was laid back instead of the nervous wreck he buried.

"When is Charlie coming?" He asked when they reached the door.

"Dunno," Dean commented then pushed open the door.

"Shouldn't we knock?" Cas inquired.

Dean laughed at him and said no one would hear over the music and talking anyway. Like a lost puppy, Cas followed his friend through the crowd of people. He saw glimpses of a few people he knew from school, a few who were far too old to be in high school, and some who he recognized from neighboring schools. Despite the eclectic collection of people Dean seemed to know a good majority of them. All he knew clapped him on the back or cheered as he went passed. Many of the girls giggled when saying hello or gave him a light kiss on the cheek. For a moment, Castiel felt like he probably shouldn't have come, that's when he felt a hand on his own shoulder. Confused he turned to see who it was.

"Art boy!" Jo beamed, "look at chu, don't think I've ever seen you outside of school."

"Hello," Cas greeted her.

"Meg!" She shouted, "get over here."

Within a moment Meg emerged from between a group of tall boys. She was dressed in a short black skirt and a low cut red shirt.

"C-ass." She said accenting the last part of his name.

"It's Castiel." He said firmly.

"Yeah, cool," she drawled, "what brings you out of the library?" She mused.

"Dean," he said turning to point at his friend, only to find the other boy had disappeared.

"Looks like Prince Charming ran off." Meg smiled, "you want a drink?"

"No thank you," he said in his best polite voice.

"Suit yourself," she shrugged then turned to her group of friends.

Feeling out of place he decided to explore the house. This turned out to be harder than he originally thought. There were people everywhere, in the halls, draped on furniture, on the stairs. Eventually, he found himself in the kitchen.

This was worse, it seemed a group of students were binge drinking and chanting each other on. Just watching made him feel ill so he trudge on through the group. He turned a sharp left upon the exit of the room and heard Dean's voice in the next room.

"Come on, Jo. Be nice." He was saying.

"Really Dean?" She questioned, "was this your charity for the year?"

"Shut up." Dean said seriously. "He's a friend."

"Yeah," Jo said sarcastically.

Not wanting to be caught awkwardly, Cas decided to step into the conversation before he heard something he was going to regret.

"Hello Dean," he announced.

"Cas!" Dean turned looking surprised to see him there.

"I--uh--I was talking to Meg." He finished, not wanting them to know he was listening.

"Cool," the freckled boy said back, "we're gonna play some games upstairs." He pointed to the staircase on the other side of the room. "Come on!" He encouraged and steered him there.

"Oh," Cas said caught off guard about being included, "Kay."

He was sure his nerves were going to make him melt. It was obvious that Jo didn't want him around and if she didn't how many of Dean's other friends thought of him as the extra puzzle piece? He was about to turn to Dean and tell him he was going to leave, when a voice broke the crowd.

"Cassie!!!" Charlie was a few feet behind them.

"Charlie!" He exasperated, relief flooded him from head to toe.

"Hey!" Dean said and hugged her tightly, "Ash is starting some shit upstairs, come on!"

Grinning Charlie looked at Cas and silently grabbed his hand.

Confidence seemed to start to flow in him and he walked after Dean who had already disappeared into a room at the end of the hall.

"Thanks for coming," Charlie whispered in his ear, "it'll be more fun."

Cas could only nod to her and summoning his couraged pushed open the door. Inside was a rather large group of kids from their grade. Meg, Jo, and Ash were seated in a circle with Victor sitting on a couch talking to some guys from the football team.

"Guys." Ash called the attention to the group, "I've got it. Pure classic." He pulled a bottle from behind his back. "Spin the bottle."


	12. Chapter 12

_This is dumb. What were you thinking Winchester? This is dumb._ These words filled Dean’s head like a mantra. He knew that he thought Cas was a cool guy but for some reason he was sure his friends would disagree. _Why should I even care?_ Was his relieving thought as he pulled up to Victor’s house.

He looked over at Cas who was basically shaking on the spot. He wanted to laugh at the situation but thought better of it. Instead he focused all his attention on the building in front of him, trying to warm himself up for the crowd. He vaguely heard Cas ask when Charlie was going to show up but didn’t remember responding.

Inside was everything he was used to; loud music, jocks showing off for the cheerleaders, people handing out beers like free ice cream. He felt himself slip into the persona he had always been and momentarily forgot the boy he brought with him. He ran into a few people he hadn't seen in a long time and called each by name so they'd know they weren't forgotten.

That's when Jo showed up. No doubt she had changed outfits at a friend's house, Dean noted, there was no way Ellen would have let her out in her current state. She seemed cheerful and started by talking to Cas first which gave Dean a feeling of hope. He was about to join the conversation when Jo called for Meg.

 _Oh god,_ he thought. _If Meg was being called it was to distract Cas from him._ He would never admit it aloud but Jo and Meg did this fairly often to get people right where they wanted him. Sure enough once Meg's bouncing hair came into view he felt himself being pulled into the next room.

"What the hell, Jo." He said pulling his arm away.

"Art boy?!" She said accusingly.

"What?" Dean shot back, "he's cool!"

Jo looked at him doubtfully. Dean felt a small bubble of anger fill his gut. "I said he's cool." He said trying to keep his voice was changing.

"First you disappear for like two weeks then show up with some kid you barely know." Jo tried to make him see her side.

"Does it really matter?" Dean asked rolling his eyes.

"I guess not..." She trailed off, "but art boy?!"

"Come on, Jo. Be nice." He was saying.

"Really Dean, was this your charity case for the year?"

She was taunting him now. He could see it in her eyes. He really didn't want her to know she was upsetting him but right now he was too frustrated to care "Shut up." Dean said seriously. "He's a friend."

"Yeah," Jo said sarcastically.

Dean was about to tell her off again when he noticed Cas out of the corner of his eye. Even the brief moment he saw him he knew the poor kid had heard everything. Telling himself he'd explain later he put on his best smile and hoped for the best.

"Hello Dean." Cas said in a small voice.

"Cas!" He feigned excitedly.

"I--uh--I was talking to Meg." The boy said in the same quiet voice.

"Cool,"Dean said for lack of a better word, _this was a dumb idea_ he thought miserably, but he was a Winchester and Winchester's never give up, "we're gonna play some games upstairs." He continued desperate to change the subject and patch up the night. "Come on!" Dean urged, grabbing him by the shoulder to take him there.

"Oh," Cas said in an odd voice, "Kay."

 _This is good,_ Dean convinced himself, _I'm gonna just let them all see how chill he is and this damn nightmare will be over_. The boys had just made it to the stairs when a playful voice jumped out behind them.

"Cassie!!!" Charlie was practically singing.

 _Oh thank Jesus_ , Dean let out a large breath. He didn't know why he was more at ease with Charlie here, probably cuz with her he felt more himself "Hey!" Dean said and hugged her tightly, loving that she had perfect timing, "Ash is starting some shit upstairs, come on!"

With the drama out of the way Dean relaxed back into the party boy everyone knew he was. On the way up the stairs he found that Meg, Victor, Ash, and about twenty other people were already crowded in the same room. Dean joined Victor on the couch and accepted a beer from him. He promised Sammy he wouldn't over do it but one or two wasn't gonna change nothin.

Clapping his friend on the back he said his obligatory 'happy birthday' then relaxed into his seat letting his anxiety about the night slip away.

"Guys." Ash called suddenly to the group, "I've got it. Pure classic." He pulled an empty bottle from behind his back. "Spin the bottle."

There were many boo's from around the room. A few girls giggled and were excited but for the most part everyone groaned. Dean himself, felt it was childish and joined in on the downplay of the idea.

"Ash," Dean smiled charmingly, "we aren't twelve."

"Sounds like you're scared, Winchester." Meg taughted.

"Hang on now." Victor spoke up. "It's my party." He paused and looked around the room, "and I say...hells yeah!"

Dean still grumbled but he couldn't argue. Those who weren't close to Vic left the room in search of better entertainment and booze.

Surprisingly, Charlie had convinced Cas to join the circle. Dean blinked at the dark haired boy next to him and felt a small feeling of pride for the kid.

"Now," Ash said in an authoritative voice, "there are some rules to be followed. First, each kiss must last a minimum of thirty seconds. Second, those who refuse must take a shot and a dare. Third, one kissing couple at a time folks." He laughed at the last one and spun first.

The bottle landed on a girl who Dean had never met but went to another school. She didn't even flinch at her turn but grinned and kissed Ash straight on with no hesitation. There had to be some sort of props for that. The new girl then spun and for a moment Dean was nervous it was going to fall on him, to his relief (and humor) it landed on Jo. A collective 'oooo' went through the group but Jo shrugged and did her thirty seconds.

Dean could have been hearing things but he could have sworn Charlie said something about how it was always the straight ones. He was laughing to himself when he realized the bottle had stopped again. On him.

He looked at Jo with a smile and said,"Let's get this on then, sweetheart." He leaned into her and felt the familiar pressure of her lips on his, they shared a chaste kiss. Dean was scared to do more in case she got the idea he wanted more. Not long after they started Ash called time and Dean pulled away and smiled at her. There was a small tint of pink in her cheeks but he would never bring it up, knowing full well she'd kick his ass.

"Alright, alright," Dean said picking up the bottle, "who's the lucky lady?" He smirked to the girls in the circle. A few of the giggly girls from before stayed and just to play he winked at one of them causing her to blush madly.

Laughing he took his turn. Dean watched it spin in the middle and he felt his chest tighten, it inched, then stopped, on Cas. Once again there was an 'oooo' from the crowd. Cas looked up concerned.

"Oh come on boys," said Jo a little laugh in her voice.

“Yeah, yeah," said Dean and he leaned over and gave a quick peck on Cas’ cheek. Even from the small contact Cas blushed. _That's so not manly,_ he thought to himself. Meg booed and Andy spoke up.

“Come on boys you know the rule. Thirty seconds at least,” he laughed towards the end.

“Funny guys.” Dean said with no humor in his voice.

Dean was then pulled off balance, by Cas. _His lips are soft._ Was all his brain could muster. It was different than kissing Jo, Cas' lips were slightly chapped and there was a small hint of scruff on his face. Dean felt a bolt go from his head to his toes, he realized then, he liked this. He liked this a lot.

Subconsciously, Dean opened his mouth wider and took in Cas' bottom lip. Cas responded by grabbing his jacket, pulling him in  and pushed his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Dean breathed in the air Cas let out and bit his lip. Cas moaned just loud enough for him to hear then traced Dean’s upper lip with his tongue. Lost, Dean grabbed the back of Cas' head and pulled him closer, running his fingers in his dark hair.

“T-time.” Andy offered quietly.

“Dean-” Cas uttered between kisses but Dean was gone.

Everything was Cas’ mouth. He felt slightly dizzy, the sounds from the group no longer existed and all he could do was taste the other.

No longer even worrying how gay this looked he continued to give and take everything he wanted from his friend. Dean’s lips started to tingle and he wondered if Cas felt the same sensation. He tangled his hands in the dark mop that was Cas’ head and pulled him closer. He just needed Cas. With him, tasting him, the world was Castiel.

“Dean,” Cas said with a bit more force and pushed Dean back slightly.

Eyes out of focus Dean came back to his surroundings. Cas was looking at him with wide eyes, pupils blown and his hair a bit more of a mess then usual. He then looked around the room at the shocked faces of his friends.

“Damn” Charlie spoke up. “I’m a lesbian, and that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen."

Dean coughed a bit to release some of his embarrassment then turned to talk to Cas, but the dark haired boy was gone. In confusion he looked around the room just in time to catch the shape of his friend leaving.

“Fuck.” he said quietly but didn’t move. _How was he supposed to react?_ Dean thought defensively, _if Cas wants to be alone, let him be alone._


	13. Chapter 13

The way out of the house was much less stressful for Cas. All the people pushing, dancing, shoving, all became a single blur of objects in his way. Miraculously he found the front door and pushed through it with all the force he could muster. The cold autumn air whipped his face but it didn't bother him. In fact, he felt, it was bringing some feeling back to his numb body. It was calming to feel something regardless if it was cold; it was proof he was alive.

_He was drunk, he pondered, it's nothing. It was nothing. He won't remember...but what if he does? Oh god, it was nothing. Breathe Cas, you're fine. As this thought passed his breath hitched, it's not fine, stupid and reckless are better words. What the hell was I thinking, kissing Dean Winchester? What did I think would happen? We'd just fall in love and get married? And in front of all those people? It's going to be middle school all over again. No. It's better this time, I have Charlie and Sam, I'll make it better this time._

When his breath slowed he looked up to see where he was. "Course," he muttered to himself. He'd somehow found his way to the park.  Their park. Laughing at himself he wandered over to the swings. Rocking on one slowly, he let his mind evaluate the last hour.

Thorough debate told him a few things; he shouldn't have gone to the party, he was determined to keep a better distance from Dean, inevitably tomorrow he would get a call from Sam or Dean, and lastly, his childhood friend would never remember him. For a moment, the last thought made a sharp pain in his chest but he buried it down. I'm stronger than this, he told himself, then started to swing. The chilled air filled his chest but he went higher set on feeling free.Time passed without consequence and he had finally lost to all his worries. Once he slowed to a stop he pulled out his phone to text him mom, forgetting he had promised he wouldn't be out all night. As his phone lit he found he had four missed calls. One from Charlie, one from his mom, and two from Sam. He hurried and sent his mom a quick text then called Sam. On the second ring the boy picked up.

"Cas?" Sam sounded urgent.

"Yeah, Sam, I'm sorry I missed your calls, I--"

"It doesn't matter," his friend cut in, "is Dean with you?"

Cas was worried this would be Sam's first question, "No," he said truthfully,"he is with Charlie though." He said in an attempt to calm him.

"It's not that..." Sam said trailing off. The line remained quiet for a moment then he spoke again, "my dad...my dad is about the same mood he was the other day and I was wondering..."

"I'll be over as soon as I can," Castiel promised before Sam could finish asking.

"Thanks," Sam said softly, "could you just text me when you're here...I don't want to let him know I'm leaving."

"Of course," agreed Cas. He hung up and decided to run the rest of the way to his house.

He said a quick hello and goodbye to his mom and hurried back out the door. He heard her calling to him but he knew she'd understand in a little bit. When he arrived at the Winchester's it was evident that Sam was the only one awake. All the rooms were black except one on the second floor. He sent a message to Sam saying he had arrived and waited patiently. His eyes passed to the backyard fence and the front door back and forth looking for the younger boy, to his astonishment Sam came climbing out his bedroom window and began to scale the side of the house, his hands fitting in the cracks between the bricks. Clearly, Sam had done this before.

"What?" asked Sam, when he saw the look on his face.

"Nothing, that was just...impressive."

Sam smiled, "practice...don't tell Dean though." He added in a small voice.

"I won't," he promised.

Pulling up to his house, Cas saw his mother was still waiting for him. Her silhouette was pacing back and forth the living room, for a moment he felt nervous. He gave a smile to Sam that he hoped looked confident then got out of the car.

"Did...did I get you in trouble?" Sam asked humbly.

"No," he assured him at waved it off, "she'll understand, I just left without telling her."Sam nodded knowingly and followed him into the house.

"Castiel. James. Novak." Each word was a sentence from Anna's mouth. Castiel began to wince at what was to come when she took notice of Sam coming in after. Sam shut the front door quietly and waited for the reprimand, but it didn't come. "Boys," she said in an entirely different tone, "just...just get to bed quickly."

"Thank you, Mrs. Novak." Sam said with large puppy eyes.

The two hurried up the stairs. Castiel offered to lend Sam a pair of old shorts to sleep in, which Sam accepted happily. Once inside Cas' room he dug around in the bottom drawer of his dresser where he was sure there were some his friend would fit into.

"Ah-ha!" He said when he found the pair he envisioned.

"Thanks Cas," Sam said sincerely, he paused for a moment like he wanted to say something.

"What is it?" Cas asked, throwing the shorts to his friend.

"Did... Dean do something stupid?" Sam asked looking straight into Cas' eyes like he already knew the answer.

"Dean..." Cas started but didn't know how to finish. _How do I tell him I made out with his brother?_ He thought miserably, "Dean...it wasn't him...I--things just...happened. We're still friends though!" He finished hurriedly seeing the disappointment on Sam's face. "It's fine, Sam, really."

"I'm sorry," Sam apologized, "Dean can be kind of a prick sometimes..."

"Sam." Cas insisted, "It's fine. Look, it's late...pick a room." He said brightly, "sleep well." He smiled at his friend hoping Sam felt somewhat at peace. Sam gave a weak smile back and exited the room thanking Cas once again for everything.

Castiel smiled at the door for a few seconds after Sam left then got himself ready for bed. However, sleep wasn't coming easy for him. All he could think about was that stupid kiss. _Well,_ he argued with himself, _it wasn't the kiss that was dumb. No, the kiss was hot....I'm stupid._ He lost track of time and thought only of what he was going to do tomorrow. All those kids were gonna be there. All would judge him for kissing the popular kid. He groaned silently for all the dirty looks he was going to get. Not only the female population but the male also. Girls would stare him down as if to see what was so special about him. The guys would make endless “homo” jokes. Middle school horrors crept in and out of his brain. The slurs, the avoidance like he was a plague, the comments, the shoving. He shifted uncomfortably on his pillow to stare at the wall next to him. He forced his mind to go completely blank and just, breathe. “I have Charlie. It’s different this time. It has to.” he told himself as he finally fell asleep.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Castiel woke to a soft knock on his door. He mumbled a 'come in' into his blanket.

"Angel?" His mother called quietly opening his door, "I left some lunches for you guys on the counter..." She paused for a second, "there...there is one for Dean too if he stops by today."

A weird ping hit his chest but he shoved it down, "Thanks mom," he told her honestly, sitting up to face her, "I appreciate it." He yawned and smiled at her.

Anna walked over and kissed him on his forehead. Wishing him a good day she disappeared out of his room, and not two minutes later he heard the sound of her car leaving the garage. He looked at his clock, it was still an hour before any normal person should be up on a Sunday, groaning, he flipped over and tried to fall back asleep. After ten minutes he gave it up as a lost cause. Half asleep, he went to the kitchen and made some coffee, hoping it would keep him up. Just as he poured some cereal in a bowl, Sam appeared in the doorway. As it was the day before, Sam's hair looked like something they swept the floor with. Cas stifled a laughed and handed his friend a bowl from the cupboard.

"Thanks." Sam said between yawns.

Cas grunted a noncommittal sound of recognition and left his cereal for a moment to grab the coffee he made. He hummed when it sipped it, black, perfection.

"That's gross," Sam commented, "Dean takes it the same."

"Mmm," Cas agreed almost silently, not awake enough to carry on a conversation.

"Where's your mom?" Sam asked looking around the kitchen.

"Work," he answered, "she had to leave early."

Sam nodded, "How often are you alone like this?"

"She's usually around," he smiled to himself, "she got a promotion recently."

"Cool...so...." Sam paused, "you uh, are you okay?"

Cas looked up at him, Sam really was a caring person. He'd thought, at first, that his friendship with him would be surface deep, but Sam was sincere. He didn't want to shoot his friend down for asking a simple question but he didn't want to talk about what had happened either. The debate in his head turned into a mixture of sentences that started and ended with 'um.'

"I'm fine," Cas managed after a moment.

Sam looked at him with a small amount of pity but didn't question him further.

After breakfast Cas offered Sam a change of clothes and promised to take him home only when he felt comfortable. Within a few hours Sam was waving goodbye from his doorstep as he went back to his empty house. He was still a nervous wreck but Sam promised they would walk to school the following day.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Dean's head was spinning. Groaning he sat up, around him were the remnants from the party the day before; a few people were sleeping in various places, empty pizza containers were everywhere, overall it smelled like an armpit.

Slowly Dean got up from the couch where he'd made his bed and tried to find the bathroom. After a few hit and misses with a couple bedrooms and a closet, he found one at the end of the hall. Once in he shut the door and slid down it. Partly out of dizziness, the other so he could try to piece together the day before. He vaguely remembered Cas storming off but couldn't remember why.

"Deean." came Ash's voice from the tub.

"Ash?" Dean asked back wincing at how bright the room was.

"Duuuuude." Ash was crawling out of the tub towards him. "How come you never told me man?"

"What are you on about?" He asked then put his head in his arms.

"You don't remember?" Ash asked, astonished, "Duuude. You totally kissed art boy."

"What? No..." Dean trailed off but the memory was coming back. _Cas. God, he could kiss well_. "But...I...no." He shook his head but then stopped. His head was pounding harder, he moved fast, he knew what was coming. Within three seconds he'd made it from his place by the door to the toilet, just in time to throw up whatever he'd been drinking. "Ugh, fuck."

When he'd regained some composure he told Ash he'd see him tomorrow and wandered outside to his car. The sun was shining in his eyes and he cursed. Digging in the glove box he found his phone. There were a few texts from Charlie and one from some girl he must have talked to, nothing to worry over. What did catch is attention was the five missed calls from Sam. Immediately he called back his brother to see what was going on.

"Hello?" Sam answered sleepily.

"Sam." Dean demanded, "What's wrong? Is it dad? Are you alright?"

"Dean, calm down. I'm at Cas' house." Sam said through a large yawn.

"Cas..." Dean whispered, "uh, how is he?"

"Good, I think, I dunno dude I just woke up. Dad was making me nervous so he came and got me...." Sam paused, "he does seem a bit off though....what did you do?"

"Nothing." Dean said harshly, "Dammit, Sam. You scared me."

"Relax, I only called Cas cuz I thought you'd be with him. Chill, I'm fine." exasperated Sam.

Dean rested his head on his steering wheel and closed his eyes. _I totally fucked this up_. He thought miserably. Part of him wanted to hang up without saying goodbye to his brother, thinking better of it, he told Sam he’d talk to him later then hung up not waiting for a response. Taking one more deep breath he drove home in silence, leaving room for his thoughts to crowd is his mind. It was a full minute before Dean realized that his dad was staring at him from the front window. _Ah, fuck._ He cursed to himself.

He finally plucked up his courage and walked inside. His dad didn’t say anything as he came in the door, so neither did he. They looked at each other for a moment until Dean broke contact and walked confidently towards his room. He was surprised to see that he wasn’t called back down or yelled at by the time he had shut his door. Sighing, he took off his shoes, grabbed a change of clothes, then went across the hall for a shower. He didn’t dare take more than ten minutes but let the hot water rinse away some of his anxiety. Reluctantly, when he was finished, he went downstairs to see what wrath was coming his way. He peered around the corner of the wall before entering the living room. John was sitting on the couch watching a football game. He coughed to announce himself but John ignored him.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” he muttered under his breath.

“What was that?” John piped up.

“Nothin,” Dean said casually, “Just...talkin to myself.”

John grunted at him and returned his attention back to the game on the screen. Dean rolled his eyes then headed for the kitchen. He grabbed some coke, a bag of chips, and the last granola bar then trotted back up the stairs. At the top step his dad finally yelled at him.

“Where is your brother?” Came his voice from below, “You know, the one that doesn’t stay out all night drinking.”

Usually Dean would be upset by this but today he really didn’t care. “He’s at a friend’s house. Cas. Short kid, dorky.” He yelled back in a normal voice, determined to make his father see he didn’t care what he thought. There wasn’t a response so he turned and went into his room slamming the door a bit too loudly. He dumped the food he got on his dresser, not really hungry anymore. He took a sip of the coke he’d gotten and laid on his bed.

 _What the fuck. What the fuck. What. What was i thinking? It wasn’t that big of a deal. It was a bet, a dare, a game. It’s nothin. ‘sides it seems Ash didn’t think much of it. I wonder if Sam knows. Probably not. Gotta keep it that way... haha, I bet jo was pissed. Ah, Jo. Poor chick. It’s not like I’m into Cas. It just happened... but it was hot... but it was a one time thing. Yeah. Dean. You satisfied your curiosity and now you can just continue to be friends with him. It’s not like either of you are gay. Things just happen. Yeah. Things happen._  After a long spew of his thoughts Dean sent a text to Charlie, telling her that he was fine and he’d see her tomorrow. _Ugh school_. Mindlessly he stared at the ceiling until he let sleep take him.

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Dean!” someone was knocking on his door.

“Whhhhat.” He answered lazily.

Sam came into the room, “Have you been sleeping all day? Dude, it’s like five o’ clock.”

“What’s your point, poindexter.” Dean muttered into his pillow.

“Get outta bed, Dad’s gone, you should be up anyway or you won’t sleep tonight.” Sam said, Dean could practically hear his bitch face from his tone.

Dean rolled over and tried to just ignore his brother. Sam stomped over and pulled off his blankets. Dean threatened Sam with all kinds of horror; wedgie, wet willie, and a head lock but Sam was stubborn. “Fine!” he finally yelled at him. “I’m up. Are you fuckin happy?”

“I am so _damn_ sick of all your drama, Dean.” Sam seethed, “own up to your life for once!”

Sam had to pissed if he was swearing. Dean sat on his bed staring at the door where Sam had left. It was the second time the door had been slammed today. He wondered what had happened to get Sammy’s pants all in a twist. He had thought confronting his dad was hard today but it was nothing compared to an angry Sam. Downstairs he found his brother watching TV. Without a word he sat down next to him and attempted a smile at him. He could feel on his face that it looked forced but it was worth a shot.

“You gonna tell me what the hell happened with you and Cas?” Sam asked like he was asking about the weather.

“What?!” Dean asked, “When the fuck did you start cursing, Sammy? You’re supposed to be the good child. You know that.” Dean had tried to divert the question and fluff his brother up a bit to make some of the built up tension disappear.

“Screw you, Dean.” Sam said in a serious voice, “All I know is that Cas was in a similar mood all day, and no matter what I did I couldn’t get him out of it. Also, you know as well as I do that you’re just as good of a kid as me but dad is just a douche bag.”

Dean didn’t know how to respond to this. _Cas was acting weird too? Why?_ “It’s...it’s really nothing, Sam.” Dean said looking away from him. He couldn’t look him in the eye and tell him that. Sam knew exactly when he was lying.

“Yeah,” Sam said, switching the channel, “Cas said the same thing. You know, I’m just going to find out tomorrow at school...so you might as well tell me.”

“I can’t.” Dean said a bit too quickly.

“Did you offend him again?” Sam accused, “Cuz, I swear Dean, you could use one normal friend in your life.”

“Psh,” Dean snorted, “I don’t need normal friends. I have you, and Charlie, and Kevin. See. There. Three.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “I’m family, Charlie is family, and so Kevin is one.”

Dean shoved his brother playfully then asked if it would be cool if he made dinner. Sam asked if they could have mac and cheese. With a salute Dean went into the kitchen. He may lessened the irritation with his brother but he knew the battle was far from over. If he was swearing because Cas was upset, he couldn’t imagine what the kid would be spitting when he found out the truth. He decided to make the most of the rest of the day, however, and promised Sammy they could catch up on The Walking Dead before the new episode aired that night.

Despite the mass killings of humans and zombies alike, Dean couldn’t stay focused. His mind kept going back to Cas. _What was he going to say? How would Cas be tomorrow. What on earth was Sam gonna do._ It wasn’t until he found Sam staring at him that he snapped out of it.

“What?” Dean asked sincerely.

“Doesn’t matter.” Sam said but looked confused, he stood up and took his bowl to the kitchen to wash it off. “I have to study for a Chem test tomorrow, night.”  Sam hurried up the steps leaving him alone to think about the day.

When Sam was gone he realized he’d been more at peace when someone was around. Sure, he was distracted, but now he had just his thoughts to occupy him. “Whatever.” he argued with no one and followed Sam’s suit upstairs.

 _Tomorrow is up in the air_ , his final thoughts told him as he went to sleep. _What will happen is out of my hands right now._

**  
✻✻✻✻✻✻**

 

The boys decided they'd walk to school rather than drive, it wasn't very far and the sun was actually out. Sam still hadn't pried out of Cas what had happened the night before, but kept dropping hints like he wanted to know. Every time this arose he would change the topic to something Sam would love to talk about; like history, Jess, or science. Cas knew this was a short term solution but he was soaking up all the time he could get.

He felt his time run out as soon as they set foot onto school grounds. Every other person was either clapping him on the back or giving him a once over like he was carrying a contagious disease. He felt himself shrink to the size of a mouse and walked quickly  through the crowds of people.

"Cas!" Sam was still walking behind him. "Wait, will you?"

Cas stopped and waited for him, just when he felt a little more comfortable as Sam caught up. He heard it, the first comment of the day.

"Art boy!" said a passerby who he didn't know, "collecting all the Winchesters?" He asked mockingly. A side buddy laughed at this and pointed at Cas.

He felt his face reddened but he ducked his down and walked to his next class. He could feel Sam's unbreaking gaze but didn't look up. He couldn't.

When he reached the art room Sam told him he'd meet him for lunch. Cas nodded and walked into class hoping he could drown himself in paint to forget about the world around him. He sent a silent thank you prayer to the universe that Sam was a good friend and didn't push him for answers. It was only a matter of time till he knew the truth anyway. Cas did feel a pang of guilt; if Sam was to know, he should have told him himself.

He rested his head on the door then leaned while he opened it; there was a fall of silence when he entered the room. He stared for a moment at those around him then held his head high and walked to his normal seat. Charlie was smiling at him but it looked forced.

 _It's different this time,_  he thought for the millionth time. He smiled his biggest smile, "Morning Charlie."

Charlie's smile became more confident and a small buzz of conversation began again amongst the other students. Feeling better he grabbed some charcoal from the supply cupboard and set out on his next work of art. He started with the outline; the subject held his hands in the air in exhilaration, standing tall. Their teacher, who had been walking around the room, stopped at his work.

"Castiel?" He asked tapping his shoulder, "would you be interested in this year's state competition?"

"Competition?" Castiel questioned, "For what?"

"Well," he clarified, "we may not be the football team, but every year, us and a few other schools in our district have an art competition. The winner gets a coupon and a cash prize. It's not much, but I think you have the talent."

"Thank you sir," Cas smiled, "I'll think about it."

Charlie nudged him and gave him a lopsided grin. He pushed her back and told her to shush. Regardless he felt the back of his neck redden but turned his attention back to his art. Maybe his forced optimism was paying off. He glanced at his friend again who was still smiling at him like he was a second grader who got his first A on a writing assignment. He rolled his eyes but had to smile. He felt happy, it was odd, considering the day before’s events. Still, he was going to make the most of it. By the time class ended he had almost forgotten what the rest of the school thought of him. He got up and grabbed Charlie’s hand swinging it in his has they left the room together.

“You’re a giddy little gus,” Charlie commented but continued along with him.

“Am I not allowed to be?” Cas asked squinting a little in confusion.

“Not at all sweetie, it’s just a bit surprising.” she said in a sing song voice.

Cas looked at her, smiling, happy to have someone he could be himself with. “If I wasn’t totally swinging the other way...

“Such a way with words, Cassie,” Charlie mused, “So….not keeping it on the down low anymore?” she asked. From her tone, he could tell she was tiptoeing around the topic but had wanted an answer all day.

“Um,” Cas stopped walking. He hadn’t given it much thought. He looked at the students passing him by; some smiled in a pity sort of way, some were snickering, some had a look of disgust. He felt the little fire of happiness in him drain a bit, but reconsidered, “Yeah.” he said simply and gave her his biggest grin.

Round two, _everything was going to be different._ Behind her head he saw Sam approaching. His puppy dog grin still on his face when he caught up with them. Cas' self esteem was going up by the minute. He never thought he'd feel at peace with this many people  knowing.

"Hey Cas," said Sam in a tone just like every other day.

 _This is amazing,_ he thought fondly. He started to ask Sam if he wanted more help on an essay when he was shoved sideways into the nearby locker. It didn't hurt necessarily but he could feel his old worries creeping back in. Immediately Sam was guarding him and Charlie looked like she was going to rip out his throat. Cas looked at his bully and recognized him as one of the jocks from the party.

"Oh look," the boy taunted, "the fag has little guard dogs. Move along lil pups, I'll get to you two after."

A few people around him laughed but most looked at the boy in disgust. Cas began to push Sam aside and protest that he could protect himself when he was interrupted.

"The _hell_ did you just say to my little brother?" It was Dean, and although he wasn't in view of Cas, he sounded pissed.

Cas peered around Sam's large shoulder and saw Dean. There was a glare on his face which he'd never seen. He didn't have his fist raised or even a threatening stance but even Cas felt himself try to shrink onto the wall away from the rage that filled the hallway.

"Dean," said Cas' attacker, "come on man. You know I wouldn't really."

"You're damn fucking right. You lay a finger on my brother and I swear to God, Roman, I will kick your homophobic ass." Dean was practically seething now.

"Dude," Roman raised his hands in surrender. "I'll back off."

Dean walked over to Sam and looked over him to make sure he was okay. Sam was rolling his eyes like this happened often. After Sam cleared inspection he gave a look to Cas. "You alright?" He asked. Cas could only nod, there were too many weird events and it wasn't even lunch hour yet. Dean nodded back and looked at Charlie who was sharing Dean's look of hate.

"So..." Roman started again. Even from that one word, Cas knew this boy would not be so smug if he said another.

"Not. A. Word." Dean said through gritted teeth.

Roman looked at Dean with disbelief and rolled his eyes. "Looks like you _really do_ have a soft spot for the cocksucker."

This was the final straw. Dean attempted to attack but he was too slow. Cas pushed past his friends and threw his hardest punch right into Roman's nose; sending him to the floor. Cas stood over him and grabbed his collar. "Just who the hell do you think you are?" Cas demanded. "I don't even know you. You come after me, my friends, and insult me." Cas dropped the boy to the ground and stepped away from him. He took Charlie's hand in his then felt Sam's in his other. Turning one last time to his bully he said, "you better listen to Dean, and shut up before I kick your homophobic ass."

He felt the whole hallway's gaze on him but he kept walking. He was done with the bullies, done with the ignorance, done with hiding himself. It was a new day, a new week, and he'd be damned if he didn't make the best of all this.

The three were quiet on their departure. Cas was too angry to say anything rational, Sam was in a minor state of shock and Charlie was muttering to herself about all the douchebags in the school. Cas steered them outside and they sat under a tree in the courtyard. Blocking out the other two Cas laid on his back and let the morning sunshine hit his closed eyes. None of them felt like going to their next period, besides, lunch would follow and they would just find each other again anyway. He heard the shuffle of his friends follow his idea and before he could ask what they were thinking, he fell asleep.

**✻✻✻✻✻✻**

"Uh, guys?" Dean found them there and hour later.

Cas sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Charlie was next to him determined to pretend Dean was a dream. Sam squinted at his brother then rolled over. Cas smiled at Dean who had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Guys," Dean repeated, "Can I...can I have a minute with Cas?"

This was unexpected. Cas waved the suggestion, "It's okay, we can talk somewhere else. Let them sleep." Charlie grunted a thank you while Sam seemed to be out again already.

"Right," Dean said nervously, then followed him to the other side of the parking lot away from any prying eyes. When the reached a secluded spot the taller boy spoke up. "Can we talk...about this."

"I kissed you, Dean." Cas said not wanting to waste time on small talk.

Dean's face turned a shade of pink. "Yeah," Dean said wide eyed, "I get that."

Cas nodded, "So. What would you like to talk about."

"It's not weird to you?" Dean asked incredulously, "I mean. Me and you. I've known you for like a week and I just. I dunno. Is it just me?" Dean's eyes were searching his like maybe he could find the answer buried in them.

"Dean," Cas said in a serious tone, "just a couple things," his brain was yelling, telling him to just stop now, but his mouth wanted a word, "first, I'm gay. Have been for as long as I can remember. So no, it's not weird to me. Second, you may have only known me for a week but I've known you for years now. Let's just call Saturday a big fluke and you can go about your regular life."

"What?" Dean said after a moment. Cas could see him trying to come up with another word but Dean was too far lost, "what?" He asked again.

"I don't have time for this," Cas said casually, "if and/or when you come to terms with what I've told you, come find me."

Cas walked away knowing he looked confident and put together but his mind was screaming at him. _What did he do. He completely just missed his opportunity to tell Dean the truth. Why did he do that, it was rude and he knew Dean was trying really hard. Lastly, how, how was he going to keep his optimism high when he felt so low._ He made it back to Sam and Charlie. Looking at the two of them sleep calmed him just a bit and he resumed his spot between the two, set on regaining sleep. What ever was going back to come to him he'd let tomorrow's Castiel handle it. Today was his day, and he was going to live it anxious free.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean stood motionless where Cas left him.

"No way," Dean said to himself. No way any of it was true. No way Cas knew him, no way he didn't realize Cas was gay, no way Saturday was a fluke.

He ran a bit towards Cas again to talk to him more, but second guessed. He did want to go back to life as normal, but couldn't see how. Plus, seemed Cas didn't have any issues going on with the way things were. Defeated, he kicked a rock, and walked back to school to attend his final class for the day.

When he'd reached the door he saw the others had decided to go back to class as well. He stopped deciding to stay and wait but fate had a different plan.

"Winchester!" Victor was calling him from down the hall. He could do this. He could be normal. Life as normal. Simple, easy, course.

"Vic!" He called back and greeted his friend.

"Dude, thanks for coming on Saturday." Vic smiled and hugged him.

"Thanks?" Dean asked, puzzled, "why?"

"Dunno, man," Victor shrugged, "guess it felt like old times."

"I kissed a dude and got wasted." Dean said straight faced.

Victor only laughed and clapped him on the back, "Okay, the kissing thing was new but I never see you so loose anymore, Ya know? Classic Dean was back."

Dean didn't have a response for this. Was that what their friendship was? Getting wasted and throwing up? "Yeah. Listen, I'm late for class I gotta go."

He motioned down the hallway and left. It was only Monday and he felt like there was already too much going on. Dean slipped into his English class without too much notice from his teacher, she nodded to acknowledge he was there and continued talking without breaking her sentence. Grateful, Dean returned to his old seat. In the back, drawing on a piece of paper until the final bell rang. When the bell did ring he didn't get off as easy as when he came in.

"Dean," his teacher called, "a moment." Here it comes, he thought, the inevitable 'your work needs improvement' and the 'I know you have it in you' speech.

"Yeah, teach?" Ms. Koonz looked at him for a moment sternly. Apparently "teach" was too casual.

"Dean, I wanted to talk to you about your last essay."

"Yeah, I know. I need to hone my skills and really put my mind to it because, then, I can make a great paper and not just an okay one." Dean was practically acting out the conversation with hand gestures and all.

"No," Ms. Koonz paused, "Dean. This paper is my favorite you've written all year."

"What?" Dean asked seriously, "the paper Cas helped me with?"

"Castiel?" She asked confused, "you gave him a nickname. That's good, it's clear you both collaborated very well and I look forward to reading your next paper." She was practically beaming at him now.

 _What am I gonna tell her? I actually kissed the kid and now it's too awkward. Just fyi my papers are gonna suck again._ "Yeah," Dean got our past the lump in his throat, "they'll...they'll be good."

He walked out of the room quickly without a goodbye and exited the nearest door. It would be easier to walk all the way around the building then confront the people inside. Some luck was on his side because fall break was at the end of the week and he just had to make it till Wednesday then he'd be free till the next Tuesday.

When he got to his car, he sent Sam a text telling him to hurry up. In seconds Sam replied saying he was going to walk he with Cas.

"Perfect." Dean grumbled. On the drive home he realized his music was still off from the day before, taking advantage of a missing Sam, he turned the volume up all the way and let Metallica take over his thoughts.

"Some kind of monsteeeeeeer." Dean sang walking in the door. He spun once and faked a guitar riff.

"What are you so smug about?" John huffed.

Dean spun back around, he didn't even see his dad in the corner. "Nothin, just..." He knew if he paused too long he'd look guilty. _Think dammit_. "My teacher gave me an A on my last paper." _Nailed it._

John looked at him but didn't say anything. He nodded at Dean and one side of his mouth twitched almost to smile. Dean smiled at him. _Closest I've come to a compliment in years. I'm gonna take it._

Trotting upstairs, he jumped onto his bed. He laid face down not wanting to move. He could feel himself drifting out of consciousness when his phone vibrated. Sighing into his pillow he flipped over to read it.

Kevin: Dean! Can I ask a big favor?

Dean: course. Wut up.

Kevin: I need your help on this stupid project for science.

Dean: kev, you know I know nothing.

Kevin: I just need you to run the test while I record data. I put it off all weekend and it's due tomorrow.

Dean: yeah. K. I'll come over. I'm gonna walk tho. Gimme a bit.

Dean sat up and begrudgingly put back on his shoes. He trumped back downstairs and didn't wave bye to John. It wasn't like he'd care anyway. Kevin lived a couple blocks away but Dean didn't wanna waste gas on Baby for such a short trip, especially cuz he didn't work this last weekend.

Once again he started to hum Metallica, now that it was stuck in his head. He did keep the singing under control, which he was quite proud of. He'd just gotten to the chorus when someone called to him.

"Dean Winchester. Is that you boy?" A southern voice asked. He looked up to see Missouri sitting on her front porch.

"Yes, ma'am." He said humbly and walked to her. If she called him out there was somethin she'd been wanting to say.

"I see you've made friends with the little Novak boy again." She said sweetly.

"Again?" He asked. _Does everyone in this town know something I don't?_ He asked himself.

"Course sweetie...you don't remember? Oh dear boy, come in for a minute." She got up and motioned him into the house. Seeing as she was like a grandmother to him, he knew this wouldn't be a short chat, knowing better than to argue with her, he texted Kevin and told him he'd be a bit longer than expected.

"Get off that phone and come talk to me." She called from the other room.

"Comin, Missouri." He said back tucking his phone away.Some days he could have sworn she was psychic.

In the living room she sat on the couch and was pointing to a tall bookshelf on the other side of the room,

"Grab the blue and green one for me, honey."

Dean looked and saw a couple photo albums on the top shelf. With ease he grabbed both and brought them to her. She raised one eyebrow and Dean, with all concentration not to roll his eyes, set them on the coffee table and opened the green one up.

The first page was full of little Dean smiling at the camera. His hair was bowl cut, and he was dressed from head to toe in dinosaur things. He chuckled and turned the page. Sammy was now in the pictures but too small to have walked. Most were of Dean making faces at the camera while lil Sam watched Dean in amazement.

"Sit down, boy, I got a lot of pictures." She was smiling at him and leaned back on her couch closing her eyes.

She knew Dean would feel uncomfortable with her watching. Dean sat on the floor next to the coffee table and leisurely flipped through the book. He got stuck on a few pictures where his mom was holding him. He had to swallow hard and hold back some tears. After those he usually flipped a few pages so he wouldn't see another.

Eventually he saw the look on his face had changed. While he could see himself smiling, something behind it looked forced. He knew, this was after his mom had gone.

The next pictures were of him and Sam holding hands and doing ever together, playing in the sand, catching a bug, making snowmen. He smiled and flipped another couple pages.

Cas. Cas was looking at Dean through a mess of mopped hair. Dean stared at the photo.

 _No way. But who else was it?_ Little Cas had the same bright blue eyes but he looked timid, the boy was smiling at Dean rather than the camera. Confused he flipped more pages. Sam, Dean, and Cas were at the park. It looked to be summer and the three were building a castle in the dirt.

Dean could feel his head race a bit. _How did I block this out? How and why?_ He asked himself. Page after page there were the boys doing all kinds of different things. It seemed, that in every picture one of the boys were focus on the camera while the other looked at their friend. Sometimes it was Cas smiling largely at the camera while Dean stared at the boy.

 _This can't. This isn't. What the hell._ His mind was seeping in the information. He dropped the green book and picked up the blue. This one was mostly Cas. Toddler age with food stuck in his hair with his mom in every other picture.

Turning the pages he found a face he'd never seen. It had to be Cas' dad. The man looked just like Cas with scruff and a smile that Dean had only seen on his friend twice.

The next couple pages told a sadder story. Little Cas in a tux, but the smile was gone and Dean knew the straight face. He paused before turning the page. He didn't want to invade memories that weren't his. He knew this story, same song different verse. He took a large chunk of pages and turned them at the same time, but the pictures ran out. Confused he flipped back. He found one of him and Cas sitting on a bench. Cas' arm was in a cast and Dean was holding his hand.

He felt like Alice, he'd just been dropped down a rabbit hole. Part of him knew they were just kids, and he had held Sam's hand the same way. But why were they staring at each other in every other photo. And why didn't he remember any of this. Frustrated he turned to the last page in the book. It was a picture of Cas holding his mothers hand in a hospital bed. Anna appeared to sleeping but Cas was watching her with tears in his eyes. Cas' face was even but his eyes were sorrowful.

"Missouri, ma'am?" Dean asked quietly.

"Yes?" She asked her eyes still closed.

"What...what happened?" He knew she would know. She knew everything.

"Sweetie, that boy has a story to rival your own." She looked at him now with pity in her eyes. "That's something you'll have to ask him about though. Not my place to say. Now, if you're done would you put those back up there? Heaven knows I can't reach."

Dean nodded knowing better than to push her for answers. He thanked her and did his best not to run outside. Cas, why didn't he remember him. He nearly trip and fell over a bike in the middle of the sidewalk. It was a child's bike with training wheels still on, he did a double take to see if anyone saw him fall, but the street was empty. Faking a cough, he kept walking, more careful to watch where he was going.

"Dean!" Kevin was waving to him when he arrived. Around the kid were bottles of coke.

"Didn't say we were havin a party, Kev," Dean smiled. "

"Okay. Real science. But tasty science. Quick version. I'm seeing if the amount of mentos in a bottle will make it launch higher. I needed you here cuz it's hard to measure how high while running away." He took a breath after his explanation.

"Awesome." Dean stated with a smile.

"You alright?" Kevin asked, "you look a bit sick."

"What? Yeah, no. I'm good." He faked another smile for good measure, "where do ya want me?"

Once Kevin was ready it was easy to forget all his worries. For over an hour they launched bottles into the air. Most of the time they went straight up but Dean's favorite was when one launched sideways into the neighbor's yard sand startled the chihuahua that had been barking at them all day.

"Alright!" Kevin yelled from across the lawn. "That's all of them!"

Dean gave him the thumbs up and began to clean the mess around them. He looked at the coke bottle next to the chihuahua in the next yard but decided he'd rather not get in a fight with a mouse of a dog. In one go he gathered all of the empty bottles and brought them to an awaiting Kevin who had a large garbage bag.

"I really appreciate this Dean." Kevin said sincerely.

"What are friends for." Dean replied with a smirk. Kevin smiled then looked at his shoes.

He shifted back and forth, "Dean-uh" he started.

Dean looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "Ask away." Dean sighed knowing he'd probably regret it.

"No, I just. I hope you're okay. And that...you can talk to me any time you need to." Kevin was still looking at his feet.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “Thanks,” he paused, “It means a lot, thank you.”

Dean headed home after that, he wasn’t one of those touchy-feely people who talked about their feelings, but was serious when he told Kevin he appreciated it. Walking by Missouri’s house he knocked on her door.

"Ma'am?" He asked when she answered, but she was already holding the photo albums for him.

"I knew you'd be back sweetie." She smiled at him, "just bring them back when you're done."

Dean thanked her and tried not to run home. He was gonna do it. He was going to figure out why he couldn't remember. He cut across a few yards, hopped a fence, and entered his house from the back door.

His dad was asleep in the same chair Dean had left him in. Rolling his eyes he went to his room and shut the door. Eagerly he flipped through each page, this time determined not to miss anything. He started with his own book; he noticed, this time around, that each picture was dated and had written on the back how old he'd been at the time.

He still spent longer on the pages with his mom on them and secretly took one of the out to keep. The photo was of only him and Mary; she was waving her son's hand at the camera and smiling. He stared at her eyes, they were the same as his own. Swallowing a few tears he tucked it in a book on his dresser.

Eventually he made it to where he'd left off at Missouri's house, only to find Cas was only in one more page. Six more measly pictures, he searched the back and found Dean(age 6) & Castiel(age 5). Frustrated he looked at the ones that followed. Dean was a lot older in the next photos, confused he flipped these over (Dean age 8).

"Fuck." He said aloud.

"Watch it." Spoke Sam in the dooraway.

Dean nearly had a heart attack. "Jesus, Sam." He cursed holding the book to his chest, he could feel his heart beating against it, "scare a guy."

"Sorry," Sam apologized. "What cha lookin at."

For a moment Dean considered lying but he knew that wouldn't be fair. "Some old photo albums Missouri let me borrow." He patted the seat next to him on his bed.

Quicker than he thought, Sam sat next to him. Giving the book to his brother, he watched for Sam's reactions rather that the pictures.

Sam, like Dean, stopped at photos of their completed family. When he reached the pictures of Cas he looked at Dean. "Did you know?" He asked honestly.

"No," Dean answered, hoping it didn't sound defensive.

Sam laughed at how little they all were but knew better to mention the pictures where the boys were holding hands. Dean coughed when Sam would stare at these photos too long, and quickly Sam would turn the page. When he'd gotten to the older Dean, he stared at his brother.

"Why skip two years?" Sam asked.

"Beats me." Dean said in fill honesty.

"Well..." Sam said getting up, "cool. Night."

"That's it?" Dean asked furrowing his brow.

"What do you mean?" replied Sam, "they're cool photos. But hey, I gotta get up early. Night!" and with that his brother left, smiling and shutting the door behind him.

Dean mocked his brother's last words and turned off the light. Laying in bed, he couldn't sleep. _What happened? Dammit, Dean, think._ He stretched his brain but nothing came. Within the hour he fell asleep.

✻✻✻✻✻

_"Daddy!" Dean squealed when his father came in the door._

_"Hey kid," John said, ruffling his son's hair. He walked to Missouri, who had been holding Sammy. "Thanks again." He said to her softly._

_"Anytime," she smiled. She handed Sam to John and walked over to say bye to Dean. "Alright my tough man, keep an eye on your brother for me." She winked at him and gave him a large hug._

_Dean walked her to the door and asked if she was coming over for his birthday party the next day._

_"It's gonna be awesome!" He piped, "all the kids in my class might come too!" He knew this wasn't true but he'd have like Missouri to meet all his friends at school._

_"I even wrote Cas a letter...I hope he comes too."_

_Missouri gave him a look he didn't understand, "I'm sure he'll try, baby."_

_She kissed him on the head and waved goodbye. Dean could tell that daddy had a bad day at work. He had set Sammy down and handed them each a cheese stick. Sam was trying to eat it with the plastic still on, dutifully, Dean peeled the wrapper back and gave it back to his brother._

_"Daddy?" Dean asked._

_"Yeah?" John answered but didn't look._

_Dean tried to stand closer so his dad would see him, "did you mail my letter to Cas?"_

_"No," John answered with a sigh, "lost the address."_

_Dean could feel the tears in his eyes. He knew he was a big kid now and big kids didn't cry, but he asked a long time ago about Cas coming._

_"But. Daddy." He said tilting his head in front of the view of the TV._

_"Move," John grumbled. But he didn't, tomorrow was his day and his dad forgot his best friend. "I said move," John snapped and pushed Dean out of the way._

_He tumbled on the ground and fell on Sammy's wood blocks. He let his tears fall, he'd held them so_ _good but then his hand hit a corner of one of the blocks. Unable to control anymore he simply sat and cried. He didn't care if his daddy got mad, he made Dean mad, it was only fair._

_"Dean." John said in his angry voice. "Stop."_

_"But you forgot!" Dean yelled through his tears._

_"Grow up boy," John mumbled and turned back to what he was watching._

_But he couldn't, tears kept coming and he let them fall. He missed Cas and every time his dad said they were going to see him, they didn't. He'd been looking forward to his party. "_

_So help me," John said getting up, "I'll give you something to cry about."_

_Dean didn't understand what he did wrong. Daddy hit him. He fell again but didn't cry this time. He was too scared, instead he scooted to the wall behind him. John raised his hand again but Dean covered his face. Snorting, daddy went back to his game._

_Dean looked over to see Sammy still sitting in the other room on the floor eating his cheese stick. Wiping his tears, he got up and went to sit with his brother._

_"It's okay, Sammy," Dean comforted the little boy,"we'll see Cas again real soon. I promise."_

_"Cassiel?" Sam said looking up at him._

_"Yeah," Dean nodded and wiped another tear from his eye. He was a big kid now, a big brother, and big brothers don't cry_.


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel’s good mood continued through Tuesday afternoon. Sure there were kids still who looked at him like he was spawn of satan, but most of the student’s were surprisingly supportive. Whether it was because they now understood his standoffish behavior toward the female portion of the class or because they now respected him for beating up a school bully. Regardless it made him happy that he could be himself. There were the select few that utterly despised him but none dared go near him for fear he’d attack them next. Roman had gotten a bloody nose and Cas got a detention but he considered it a small price to pay for the confidence he now felt.

By third period he was pretty sure he was the happiest kid in school. He hadn’t feel so comfortable in public in years. He sat with Charlie at lunch and they discussed who would make a better remake cast of the Green Lantern and why Hermione was obviously the main character of Harry Potter, or at least why she should have been. Near the end of lunch Sam caught up with them.

“Hey guys,” he said sitting down with an armful of food.

Charlie looked at him skeptically, “You’re really going to eat all of that?” she asked.

“Obviously.” Sam said with a smirk. “Oh, Cas. Head’s up. Dean said he wants to talk to you again today. But he’s gonna stop by the library cuz he knows you’re gonna be there.”

“Ugh.” Cas sighed and put his head down on the table, “Why though?” he asked to the floor.

“Cas,” Sam said in a more genuine tone. “Give him...like, ten minutes.”

“Fine.” He said still to his shoes. He didn’t even really know what he was so worried about. He knew he could stand up for himself now. and it’s not like Dean was homophobic, still he felt the beginnings of nerves creeping back.

Charlie nudged his shoulder, “Come on, Cassie, what would Hermione do?”

This brought back laugher at the table and the two spent the rest of the hour explaining their views of Harry Potter to Sam who disagreed. In the end it was a three way split. Sam, said the books were perfect and nothing could change them to be better. Charlie, insisted that Hermione should have been the lead and hooked up with Ginny. Cas was okay with Harry as the lead but felt they like could’ve explored more of the little people’s lives, like Neville and Luna. “I’m telling you. There is another seven books between just those too.”

They argued all the way until the bell rang sending them to their last class for the day. Sam instantly became a heap of nerves. He had a Chem test and had been up all night studying, but was sure he had missed something. Charlie offered to walk him to class to keep him calm. Which left Cas alone, not that he minded, but they served a good distraction for him. When he arrived at the library he gave a quick look around for Dean but there was no sign of him. With a breath of relief he found the librarian who handed him a list of things to do. Muttering about the workload he set to work. He was just finishing putting back a stack of books that the period before had left out for a study lesson when he heard a quiet cough behind him. At the time, he’d been standing on his tiptoes to put a book on the tallest shelf and fell forward a bit, knocking his nose on the shelf.

“Oh my god,” Dean gasped, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean..to.”

Cas held up a hand to stop him from coming closer, “It’s okay.” he said putting a finger under his nose to check for blood. All clear. “What do you want, Dean?”

“Nothin,” Dean said and looked pointedly at the ceiling. “I mean. I do want to talk to you.”

Taking a large breath Cas pointed to a table across the room where they could sit. Cas sat with his hands over his face. He really didn’t feel like dealing with drama today but it seemed he had started it in the first place so he couldn’t really argue too much. He looked to Dean who seemed to be in a minor state of shock. “What?” he asked curiously.

“Nothing.” Dean said, coughing again, “I just. I’m nervous...I think.”

Cas couldn’t help but laugh. Dean was indeed sitting like someone was going to throw something at him, “It’s fine, speak your mind.” he leaned back in his chair attempting to look relaxed so that Dean might feel more at ease.

“‘Kay. Here’s the thing.” Dean started then shifted in his seat, “I mean, you know. Ugh. Okay, I’m not real good at serious talks and what not so I’m just gonna say everything really blunt then you can decide if you’re mad or not when I’m done.” Dean took a deep intake of breath then emptied all his feelings, “I like you Cas. I mean, I’ve only known you like a couple weeks and I think you’re awesome, and like, I dunno if I like you like you but I think you’re awesome. But I said that...I’m not really freaked out that you like dudes, more that you like me. Not because I have an  issue with that cuz man cool. Like Charlie, I dunno, fuck I’m fucking this up. I mean. or I meant, I don’t know why you’d even think I was someone worth the time, cuz god, I fuck everything up. Like you. I mean. I...was given...or borrowed, some old photo albums and you’re in like a lot of pictures with me. Dude, we were like friends, and it looked like close friends. So why the fuck don’t I remember you...ugh. I’m angry just thinking about it. I’m a screw up, Cas. I also get that you probably just kissed me cuz it was part of the game or whatever but you know damn well as I do that that was an amazing kiss. Like damn, where did you learn to...anyway...off topic.” blush rose in Dean’s face making his freckles stand out. “Basically. What I’m saying. I think. Is that I want to be friends with you. and I was hoping we can still at least talk cuz...cuz I wanna be friends Cas.”

Cas sat a bit stunned. What he had assumed was going on with Dean was no where near the truth. _He doesn’t hate me...he’s not...grossed out._ Cas couldn’t think of anything to say. A few times he opened his mouth to reply but came up empty. “I--I, uh.”

“Look,” Dean said standing up, “I just don't want things to get awkward with us, because I was serious the other night. I mean, when I told you that...well you’ve done a lot for me...and I mean now I guess I know why, but I think...I think we’re meant to be friends you know?” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “ I dunno, I get...if you’re pissed. I mean, I’m a horrible friend. I guess, my point is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was a dick, and I’m sorry I can’t remember you, but I swear, I’m trying to figure out why. Ugh. It’s so frustrating!” Dean ran his hands through his hair, “Look. I think I’ve sufficiently embarrassed myself...so I’m just gonna go.”

Of all the things that would have been an appropriate reaction, Cas did the absolutely worst. He started to laugh. He couldn’t peg why but the whole situation was too weird. He gripped his stomach and tried to hold back the giggle in his throat, “Dean.” he said trying to regain a straight face, “I don’t hate you, I don’t think you’re a screw up.” He laughed harder, “I just. I thought you didn’t want to look at me anymore so..hahaha, I just...ignored you.”

Dean stared at him like he’d grown another head. “Uh…good? I think..”

Cas stood up next to his friend, “We’re okay, Dean.” He gave him a smile while his laugh stifled down into a little more than a snort. “I don’t hate you for not remembering me, Dean. It was a long time ago.” he waved his hand nonchalantly, “I mean. I was mad at you for like...a month...but that was also years ago.

“I’m so sorry.” Dean apologized again.

“Don’t be.” Cas said again shaking his head, “Just, uh, let’s stay friends. I think you’re right, we were the best of friends before...and I think we are still...we just need to reconnect.”

Relief physically swept over Dean. “Well, I’m glad we got that over with.” It was Dean’s turn to bury his head in his hands.

Cas could tell he was still embarrassed and for a moment he wondered what had happened to make Dean so flustered at emotions, but he was happy because Dean also wanted to figure all this out. “I feel like we should hug.” Cas said with a deadpan. Dean’s fear came back into his eyes, “I’m kidding.” Cas laughed at turned the other way. He knew one thing. He would never get tired of messing with Dean.

“Hilarious,” Dean said in a tired voice, “Now that I’ve talked about my feelings more in the last ten minutes than I have my entire life, you wanna skip the rest of the day and get a burger with me?”

“Sounds amazing, but I’m paying mister, don’t want you thinking you can go around and kiss this any time you want.” He agreed in an fierce tone, he smiled after to let know Dean know he was joking. He didn’t want him to freak out too much.

“Ha-ha.” Dean said with a smile and pushed past him, “McDonalds or Wendy’s?” Dean bounced up and down like a small puppy. Cas could see where Sam got some of his quirks. When you looked at their behavior the two brothers were very simliar. The difference, was that Sam owned to his bubbly attitude while Dean tried to bury it and become the tough guy.

“Wendy’s. I don’t wanna be sick.” Cas rolled his eyes like this was obvious, “Lemme just grab my stuff and I’ll meet you by...Baby.” He said the car’s name carefully, he thought that’s what Dean had called it but couldn’t be sure.

“Oh my god,” Dean said stopping mid step, “I knew it! I knew you thought Baby’s name was perfect.” practically skipping Dean left the library.

Cas pushed his glasses up his nose and walked quietly over to the librarian’s front desk. As usual, she had left for the day far before the end of school. He grabbed his backpack and coat from behind the desk and fumbled the jacket into a ball, in the process his phone fell out. Cringing he looked at the screen to make sure it didn't crack. He had a new message and a voicemail. He read the message from an unknown number. _‘Miss me, Cassie?”_ was all it said but it couldn’t have been from Charlie because he had her number programed. He listened to the voicemail too see if he knew who it was.

“Hey Cassie, It’s me. I know it’s been a long time, years even, but I called because I’m going to be in town on Friday and I was hoping we could catch up. I’ve missed you.”

It was Balthazar.

He hadn’t heard from him since he switched schools. He almost hit the call back on his phone, but chose not to. He had to catch up with Dean. Surely, Balthazar could wait a few more hours. He tried his best to keep his thoughts about Balth on the down low from Dean. _We just barely talked all our drama out and I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear about more...but why now, why would Balth call now?_

“What cha thinkin about?” Dean asked on the way there.

“Nothing.” Cas replied quickly, “Just...school stuff.”

He faked a conversation about the art competition that his teacher had mentioned which brought in a distraction for him. From art they talked about what Dean had been doing all week and how he’d taunted Sam in the last week. He laughed along and hoped he at least looked like he was paying attention and participating in the conversation. He assumed he passed the test because on the drive home Dean stopped in front of his house and talked to him first.

“Thanks,” Dean started, “I’m glad we got to hang out. Ya know. As friends.”

Cas felt his face blush a little bit. Dean was a good time and he was happy Dean enjoyed him around. “Thank you, Dean. I had fun. Let’s hang out next week. Fall break. You promised me a Lord of the Rings marathon remember?”

Cas waved to his friend when he walked inside. His mind was still on his missed phone call. He skipped every other step on the way to his room and dial the number again. He didn’t know what his friend was going to say but he knew whatever it was, was going to be a game changer. It always was with Balthazar.


	17. Chapter 17

Dean could tell that Cas was in a weird mood while they were eating but didn't bring it up. He felt like there was already too many chick flick moments for the day and just wanted to be able to hang out without any awkwardness between them. Every time they started to have a normal conversation Cas would look at his phone and smile at him to act like he was listening.

"Gotta pee." Dean announced, getting up the next time Cas checked the time. _Am I really that boring?_ He worried. He pushed past a group of people and entered the restroom. He washed his face in the sink and looked at his reflection. _You did nothin wrong, Dean, calm down. It ain't about you. Damn right it's not, look at this face._ He strode out more confident and sat back down. Cas was sipping a milkshake and somehow managed to get whipped cream on his nose.

"Cas," Dean motioned with his hand, "you got a lil..." Cas went cross eyed at his nose, then smiled. He tried to lick it off but his tongue was just a little too short. Giggling, he rubbed his jacket sleeve over it and changed the topic to how Dean was doing in school.

He could tell he was zoning out to what Cas was asking him, but couldn't bring himself back to reality. _That tongue was in my mouth. I really thought it wouldn't been longer. Haha that's what she said....but really. How'd he do all that with so little...heheh, okay Dean focus, what is he talking about. Oh yeah, Ms Koonz, should probably mention that paper he helped me with._

"She said we should write another paper sometime." He said hoping it was relevant.

"Oh?" Cas asked, "that would be cool, Dean. I look forward to it." Cas slurped the last of his shake, then twiddled a fry between his fingers before wrapping his mouth around it.

 _My god, he's doing this on purpose._ Dean thought astounded, he has too be. He could feel his mouth go a bit dry, so he distracted himself by taking a large swig of water. Unfortunately, Cas thought this was a good time to ask him something, panicking, he try to reply but choked on his water instead. Cas was trying not to laugh as Dean regained composure.

"I'm sorry," Dean said, after a minute, "what did you ask?"

"Nothing important," Cas smiled and waved off his question.

"No, no. Tell me." Dean pushed.

"Nothing," Cas said again, "I promise."

"Alright..." Dean changed the topic lord of the rings, knowing they were both into it he could talk easily. _Why is this weird?_ He asked himself, _he said he's cool with this, not like we're on a date, who gets burgers for a date? Alright, burger date would be pretty awesome, gotta write that down for future reference. Maybe it's just me. Nah, it's definitely cuz he's on his phone. Boom, solved it, you're a gem Dean Winchester and you don't got to worry bout whoever he's talkin to. Chill._

Feeling better, he prodded Cas more about the art competition he'd brought up, "You gonna enter?" He asked after Cas had talked about it.

"Maybe..." Cas spoke to the fries he was poking around his ketchup, "I just don't want to enter and then realize I'm a novice compared to the other entries."

Dean nodded knowingly, "Well, it's overstated, but you never know till you try."

Cas smirked at this, "If that philosophy was true for everything then I guess I should pick up smoking."

"Oh c'mon," Dean encouraged, "I'm serious, look at us."

"Us?" Cas questioned, tilting his head.

 _Fuck, that's cute...wait what._ He shook his head, "we're friends. I mean, what if I never ventured into the library?"

"Or almost hit me with your car?" Cas said back laughing a little, "I see your point Dean but you don't know what it's like to feel rejected..."

Dean stared blankly at his friend, "You can't be serious."

"You're popular, you're funny, everyone adores you, also, didn't see anyone trying to punch your face in this morning." Cas said a bit huffily but tried to play it off.

"Cas," Dean said quietly, "you, you uh." He looked at his plate, "you've met my dad? It's not just gay people he hates. I'm on the list too."

Cas stared at him, "I'm sure that's not true Dean."

Dean laughed, "Cas, man, you really don't want to know. But that's not my point here. My point is, I've known you for about a week and I can already tell you've got what it takes to have everyone around you respect and care about you. So enter the damn art show."

Cas smiled at him for a moment, "I will, Dean, thank you."

The drive to Cas' place felt weird but Dean hoped it was just him. He stopped in front of his friends house and parked for a minute, “Thanks,” Dean started, “I’m glad we got to hang out. Ya know. As friends.”

“Thank you, Dean. I had fun." Cas said with his cheeks turning a light shade of red, "Let’s hang out next week. Fall break. You promised me a Lord of the Rings marathon remember?"

Cas got out and waved when he'd made it to his door. Dean let go of a breath he was holding, _Ya did good winchester, you got this. Sammy can suck it. I do have more than two real friends._

Confidence filled him and he blasted Deep Purple all the way home. He stopped in only for fifteen minutes to make sure Sammy got home then headed to work. Even though he was working late to make up for his weekend off he felt at ease.

"What chu hummin for, son?" Bobby asked as he walked by Dean.

Dean stopped on the car he'd been fixing and rolled out to look at his boss. "Oh, I was humming?" He shrugged and rolled back under the Toyota Camry.

"You know I'll find out eventually," Bobby chuckled.

Brushing off Bobby, Dean went back to work, this time more cautious not to hum anymore.

As nine o'clock came and went Dean made his way home with an ache spreading from his shoulders to his feet. Swinging the door open he found Sam sitting on the floor with papers all around him. He almost made a "nerd" comment but thought better of it.

With half a smile he threw his backpack in the hall closet and walked to the kitchen to make the two of them dinner. He stared at the half empty pantry and pulled out a box of rice, a slab of chicken from the fridge, and some frozen peas in the freezer. When the chicken was in a the oven his phone vibrated, Cas had sent him a text. Smiling he opened it.

 **Cas** : Is it just me, or do bees seem like the center of the ecosystem?

 **Dean** : how do you figure?

 **Cas** : well, they keep plants healthy, they pollinate our food, and are all over the best workers I've ever seen.

 **Dean** : I see ur point but what about the meat?

 **Cas** : As much as I love bees, they are nutrients for animals such as; bears, birds, and other wildlife.

Dean was about to respond when Sam walked in.

“What’s so funny?” He asked sitting on a stool.

“Nothin,” Dean chuckled and closed his phone, “Cas...he’s just a funny dude.”

“Soooo…” Sam started to hint, “you two are getting along better.”

“What’s your point, Sammy?” Dean grumbled, turning to stir the rice. He knew he was running from the conversation but if he could put it out of his mind it would probably just go away. _Solvin’ this Dean style,_ he thought proudly.

“Come on,” Sam was still purring, “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Oh my god, Dean. Tell me.”

"What was that, Sammy? I couldn’t hear you.” Dean said innocently.

Sam dramatically put his head down, "Deeeeeean."

"My god," Dean said irritated now, "it's nothing. Can we drop it?"

Sam lifted his head back up to give his brother bitch face # 58 and walked out of the kitchen.

 _Good riddance,_ Dean thought. Stubbornly he continued making dinner even though he was sure he was the only one that was going to eat it. When the chicken was finally done, he didn't bother calling his brother back downstairs, if he wanted food he'd be down.

Double checking to make sure Sam wasn't around the corner, he dug his phone back out and texted Cas back, apologizing and blaming his silence on Sammy. Cas responded within a few seconds, assuring him it was no trouble. They spent the next hour talking about little things, which led into more thoughtful things; like the universe, the effect of a single person, and life altering scenarios where maybe the sun have out for a few minutes every day.

Dean was torn back to reality when John came through the front door. Dean sent one last text saying some sort of goodbye then lept up to clean up the kitchen.

He wasn't fast enough, his dad came in and looked around the messy room. He didn't look at his son but had a disgusted look on his face. He turned a nose up and the leftovers in the pan, gave a dazed sort of glare at Dean then left the room. Dean couldn't have asked for a better reaction. He kept cleaning until all that was left were the dishes. Begrudgingly he threw on an apron and started on the pile.

Midway, John stumbled back in, clearly still wasted from the day before. He bumped into Dean making him drop a plate. Time slowed and Dean watched it fall, all he could do was pray it stayed in one piece. Fate, however, was against him. It shattered, there was a full thirty seconds of silence while John looked from the sink to Dean and back again.

"The hell?" John asked angrily.

"Dad, it's okay, it was just one plate." Dean tried to reason, backing up slowly. He had mentally prepared himself for what happened.

His father's face turned dark as he rose his arm to meet Dean's face. Usually, Dean was just thrown off balance, but today he felt his head go from his dad's arm, to the fridge, to the floor. His vision blurred and there was the sound of Sammy's feet running down the stairs. Dean attempted to get up, to let Sam know he was okay, but he fell back down.

"DEAN," Sam yelled when he got to the kitchen.

Apparently this was all he needed to hear. Because the only thing he saw next was the back of his eyelids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I know I frame all the text convos differently. But I switch from writing on my phone to my computer. I'll go back and fix it one day.


	18. Chapter 18

“Castiel?” Anna called when he got home.

Rather than yell back, he dropped his school things by the bottom of the stairs and wandered toward the back of the house. He found her in the laundry room folding some towels.

"Yeah?" He answered, knocking on the door so he wouldn't alarm her.

Folding a towel in thirds she smiled at her son, "I was hoping..."she paused to hold her chin in the middle of the towel, "you could invite your friends over for dinner this week."

"Sam and Dean?" Castiel asked curiously. He look at his shoes and scuffed his toe on the floor, "I could ask...but-"

"Great!" Anna beamed patting his head. She gathered the stack of towels and left the room quickly, leaving Cas stunned.

He could hear his mother's footsteps go two at a time up the stairs and had to wonder why she was so giddy. He sighed, then reasoned, if she was happy who was he to question it.

Trying to convince himself he had homework he decided to camp out on the couch and "finish" it. It took all of twenty minutes to do all his teachers had given. With a sigh he put his stuff away and looked outside. The sun was still high, and it looked fairly warm. He yelled to his mom he'd be back in an hour or two. Gathering some art supplies he went on a short trek to find somewhere to sketch. He knew he should call Balthazar back but couldn't decide if he wanted to or not. He'd walked for five minutes when he heard someone call his name. Busy with his own thoughts, he looked up, and promptly walked into a streetlight.  Thrown off balance, he tried to get a good look at who had spoken. He straightened his glasses and saw his old nanny.

"Missouri?" He asked more to himself. He'd only really talked to her a couple times since he'd moved back. Half smiling he bent down to pick up his fallen pencils then hurried across the street to greet her.

"You called?" Cas asked, stuffing his things into a bag.

Missouri giggled at him, "Yes,  I did, sweetheart, how have you been?"

He smiled back at her, "Fabulous."

"I hear you made friends with Dean again." She said offhandedly.

"Yeah," he said furrowing his brow, "how did you know?"

"That boy visited me the other day," she chortled, "he hasn't changed much has he?"

"Oh, I dunno about that..." He tried to reason, thinking about the odd weekend they spent together.

"What's got you down?" Missouri inquired.

"It's nothing really," Cas shrugged, but she raised a brow, "it's just drama."

"Boy, if I know anything, it's drama. Come on in and I'll hear you out." She waved for him to follow then headed inside.

Part of him was happy to have someone vent to, the other felt strange talking about boy problems to a lady who used to change his diapers. He set his things down just inside the door so he wouldn't have to lug them around. He looked down the hallway where a light was on, following it he found Missouri in the kitchen pulling out a fresh pie. The room was filled with the scent of apple and cinnamon. He inhaled deeply and let the breath out with a hum.

"That smells heavenly," he praised.

Missouri motioned for him to sit, "That's a good thing, drama talkin' is always better when sweets are involved."

Castiel smiled, "I wasn't trying to suggest-"

"Nonsense," she waved him off, "my treat. Now what's bothering you?"

He felt his face flush with color, but knew she'd get it out of him eventually, "Well," he began, "there's this boy that I like..." He stopped to see how she was taking it so far.

"Ah," she grinned, "men, too much trouble, the lot of them."

Castiel laughed, "I know what you mean."

"Now, is this about the Winchester boy, or another one?" She inquired.

"Winchester?" Cas asked eyebrows raised, "no...Dean and I aren't like that." He defended.

Missouri just looked at him doubtfully but didn't press, "Then who is it?"

"A friend of mine from a few years ago, things didn't end very well...and we stopped talking...we were really close but things fell apart." He didn't want to tell her more, feeling that it was too personal, "anyway, he called me today and I can't decide if I want to call him back."

"Sugar, did you really care about this boy?" She said seriously, Castiel nodded to her unable to answer, "then give him a call. Seems like he wants to make amends."

"But what if I get hurt again?" He asked sincerely.

"We all got ups and downs in this life and we don't always know how things will turn out, but that shouldn't hold you back from something you want. If it's right, it'll work. Be patient with things and people, sometimes people deserve second chances."

Castiel considered her advice, "I'll sleep on it I think."

"Good, now, how bout you help me eat this pie." She offered cheerfully.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_It had been a week since he had been to the beach with Balthazar. Cas had been worried it was a one time thing but his friend now kissed him both hello and goodbye, they also held hands in public. At first he felt uncomfortable showing so much affection, especially in a school populated by boys._

_"You sure?" Cas asked timidly the first time they walked into school together._

_"Course, darling, when am I wrong?" Balth assured._

_A small amount of fear fell off him and he sucked in a large breath and opened the front doors. For the most part no one cared, a few gave a little chuckle, only one or two looked at them with pure disgust. Castiel felt himself slightly shrinking behind his friend, but Balth pulled him along next to him._

_"It's okay, Cassie." He laughed, "I'm here. And while I'm here, no one is gonna fuck with you."_

_Despite Balthazar's sailor mouth, he felt his friend was right and attempted to walk with a bit more confidence. That was until they reached Balthazar's first class, which was a class they didn't share. Seeing his unease Balth kissed him and brushed his hair behind his ear. He smiled warmly and walked to class alone, in a dreamlike daze._

_He hardly heard the teacher's lecture and spent most of the hour drawing in a notebook. He was finishing up the eye detail on a wolf when a piece of paper hit him in the head. He looked up in confusion to see who had thrown it. A boy from the hall who had been laughing sat with a mischievous grin. Castiel opened the ball to find the other boy had written on it._

_A messy scribble spelled out a crude remark. Disgusted he crumpled it back up and set it aside like any other piece of garbage. There was a loud snicker from a few boys in the back but he didn't care. Feigning focus he went back to taking simple notes without much detail. A flicker of doubt itched at him again. Doubt in not only himself but in Balthazar too, while he was his closest friend, he also tended to be flaky. They had agreed they'd figure out what this was all about but he worried he'd fall to quick and Balth would be out the door if anything was difficult._

_The bell rang quicker than he expected, leaving him only a moment to gather his things, he ended shoving a lot of things in his backpack without organization; he didn't want to stick around to see what his classmates were found to say if the teacher wasn't around. Weaving through the crowd of other students he found Balth at the end of the hall sitting on a stranded desk sipping a juice box._

_"The kids here aren't very...supportive..." Castiel whispered in his ear when they embraced._

_"Yeah," Balthazar agreed, "fair warning the teachers are about the same."_

_"Really?" Castiel said in shock, "you'd think they'd be more used to it or at least learn to stay professional."_

_Balth smiled softly, "It's okay darling," he fixed Cas' tie and kissed his cheek. "They're just going to have to get over it, because I'm not going anywhere."_

__

✻✻✻✻✻✻

It wasn't until the next day that Cas thought to go apologize to Dean for acting weird. Yesterday Dean seemed to really care how he was. He'd poked his head in a couple doors to see if Dean was in his Auto class or English, he even stopped by the library but his sandy haired friend wasn't anywhere. He'd just about given up when he saw Sam walking down the hall.

"Sam! Wait!" He called pushing between a few people.

Sam looked back, smiled, and waited by the drinking fountain until he'd arrived, "Hi Castiel." He said happily but he sounded tired.

"What's wrong?" He asked carefully.

"Uh," Sam paused, "nothing really. My dad was in one of his moods and Dean is...sick so I had to get here on my own today. Nothin to worry about." Sam finished noting Cas' concerned face.

Cas stared at his friend, he didn't really trust what Sam had told him but didn't want to push him for answers either. He simply nodded in understanding and offered to walk home with him. Plan set, Cas went off to his second class, ceramics, he didn't know why he signed up for the class. Frankly, he was horrible at creating anything interesting with a lump of clay. He could throw fairly well but all his projects were bowls, cups, and pitchers.

He gave a half-hearted smile to the person he sat next to, "Morning Becky," he greeted while grabbing a lump of clay to throw.

"Hi Castiel," she replied brightly.

Not much in a mood to talk he continued in silence only speaking if he needed to borrow something from her or vice versa. Near the end of class, as he was trimming the rim of the bowl he'd made Becky asked him a question that caused him to warp the lip.

"I heard a rumor that you kissed Dean Winchester, is it true?"

Sitting straight he looked at her dumbfounded, "Excuse me?" He asked.

"Was he a good kisser?" She asked like she hadn't heard him.

"Yes, I kissed Dean, but it was for a game." He said firmly, then picked up his supplies, putting them away before the bell rang.

Feeling confident that he could miss a day of math he set off for Dean's house. The only other class he had was sitting alone in the library. Since he'd helped Sam with his assignments there wasn't anything or anyone he had to help. His confidence changed however as soon as he pushed the doorbell, he got an odd feeling of foreboding. Maybe he was being too nosy about his friend’s life. Panic filled his mind, ‘ _it’s okay. It’s cool, you’re just checking on him, after all he seemed fine yesterday. I’m just paranoid, thats all. No harm done either way. Breathe…”_

That’s when Dean opened the door, his friend stood leaning on the doorway and squinting at the light. “Cas?” he asked a bit confused, “what’s up?”

“Nothing, I just...Sam said you were sick..” Castiel paused a minute. Dean wasn’t hiding from the sun but from him, “Are you okay?” He asked. He tilted his head to possibly get a better look but Dean turned his head.

“I’m fine,” Dean grumbled.

Cas pushed him into full view anyway. Dean looked offended but didn’t try to hide again, he had a large bruise on his left eye and another on the right side of his forehead. He tried to hide his worry but Dean noticed immediately.

“It’s nothing.” Dean tried to say again but Cas couldn’t let him.

“That’s bullshit.” Cas said, which felt odd coming from his mouth.

Dean apparently thought so too because  he didn’t have a response but just sat dumbfounded. “I..it’s...Cas. Don’t worry.” He finally said in resignation.

“Dean,” Cas said quietly. “Can I come in?”

“Er, I guess. Yeah.” he motioned for his friend to come in.  Neither said anything but sat across from each other in the living room.  After a moment, Dean broke the silence, “What do you want?”

Cas could tell Dean didn’t mean it harshly. After all he did just sort of show up, “Nothing, I guess. I guess, when..when uh, you have lived with someone who lies to you often you learn to pick things up. I just, I’m sorry, I could tell Sam was lying and school wasn’t doing anything for me today so I just ditched.  Now I’m rambling, which I’m sure you don’t appreciate but I just wanted to check on you I guess. Yeah.” he fumbled his hands in his lap while he was speaking and ended up looking at his feet when he was done speaking.

“Missouri told me something...um, interesting the other day.” Dean said out of context, “I mean...I think it relates to you. Ya, See…”he explained, “she gave me these photo albums of me...well us...as kids. Anyway. She told me your story is one to compare to my own. I get if you don’t wanna tell me…”

“I will…” Cas hesitated, “Will you tell me yours?”  Dean nodded and Cas decided he’d go first to make Dean more comfortable. “My mom tries to commit suicide. Her first attempt...well that I know of...was when I was five. Which is why we moved away. I went to live with my aunt while she stayed in a mental health hospital.” Dean looked a little scared, “I mean it’s fine, I take care of her when she’s having a bad day. I think it’s because my dad died really early. I dunno, what are you gonna do. That’s life.” he shrugged it off. It was true, most days were fine, and he was around when she needed him. He kept her grounded.

“Cas.” Dean said seriously, “I’m so sorry…” Cas almost interrupted but Dean kept talking. “My dad is a violent guy. Most the time...it’s nothing. I make sure he never lays a hand on Sammy...but that just means I get all of it. He’s alright for the most part. Sits, drinks beer, and hell, isn’t even really around. He got really angry after my mom died. I dunno, I guess I’m used to it. Which is why, it isn’t a big deal. Occasionally I miss school, cuz well. No one wants to look at this face.” He chuckled.

Silence grew again in the air and Cas felt like their friendship deepened a little, “Can I see the photos?” He asked honestly. He wondered if his memory was as good as he thought or if he’d just imagined the whole thing.

“Sure.” Dean shrugged and ran upstairs. Before Cas could ask if he wanted him to follow Dean was back. He sat next to Cas on the couch and pulled out a big green binder. The first couple pages were of Dean as a little kid before Castiel knew him. There many of him and his mother and Cas felt like he was intruding a little bit on Dean’s childhood.

“She’s beautiful.” Cas complimented on a particular picture of Mary holding Dean in a tight hug, “You have her eyes.”

Dean blushed, “Thanks.”

Castiel flipped a few more pages and found that he’d now entered the timeline. Most of the pictures were of him looking scared and timid while Dean looked confident and happy. He smiled a little at the picture with Cas’ broken arm. “I remember this,” He laughed, “You were so upset that I wasn't crying.”

“I don’t...I’m sorry. Cas this is all so weird.” Dean said quietly, “I feel so dumb.”

“Dean, please,” Cas argued rolling his eyes, “you are anything but dumb.”

Dean gave him a half-hearted smile and looked back at the photo book so he wouldn't have to stare at Cas. He was about to speak up when Cas’ phone started to ring. Apologetically, Cas smiled and looked at who was calling. It was Balthazar again, he stared at it for a moment, then pushed the silencer and put it back in his pocket.

“You gonna answer that?” Dean asked “It’s cool if you need to.”

“No.” Cas said a bit too quickly, “I-It’s nothing.” He knew that Dean could tell he wasn’t telling the whole truth but he didn't want to think about Balth right now. The two spent the next half hour looking at more photos and eventually Dean brought down the one that was mostly Cas as well. Cas marveled at a picture of his dad and smiled at ones of him and his mom. He missed the look in her eyes, they were full of life and simply, happy.

“I had some pie with her the other day.” Cas said offhandedly.

“With your mom? I bet she makes great pie.” Dean said.

“Ha, no. With, Missouri.” He clarified, “That reminds me though…my mom did want me to invite you two over for dinner...if...you want to. I mean you don’t have to she always does this when I become friends with someone. I think she’s trying to overcompensate for not being around when I was little which is a bit dumb cuz I’m not that little kid anymore and oh my god I’m rambling again.”

Dean was full out laughing now, “Cas, it’s fine. Whatever is on your mind, I’d be happy to hear it.”

“Yeah, you say that now.” Castiel warned with a grin. He felt his phone vibrate again. Sighing he pulled it out again. Balth was calling again, this time he sent it to voicemail.

“You sure you don’t wanna answer?” Dean asked curiously.

“I will.” Cas said, “I mean, I just. It’s going to be an awkward conversation, it’s my ex.”

“Oooooh.” Dean said in understanding, “Um. Did it...I mean…did they do something?”

Cas could tell Dean was choosing his words, “He,” he clarified, “He...he broke my heart...and I just. I don’t want to go through it again.”

“So, you always knew?” Dean asked carefully.

“That he was a cheating dick bag?” Cas huffed, “No. He was my best friend for a long time actually.”

Dean’s face reddened, “Oh, I just meant, ya know, liking guys.”

“Oh!” Cas exclaimed, “Yeah, haha, always.”

“Oh.” Dean said.

Cas could tell he was kicking himself mentally, “It’s okay, Dean. It wasn’t an offensive question, my mind was simply somewhere else.”

“Cool.” Dean said but started rubbing the back of his head anxiously.

“I should go.” Cas said, when they reached the end of the blue album as well. “I’ll see you in school in a few days? He got up and swung his backpack over his shoulder.

“Yeah, um, thanks Cas.” Dean spoke behind him, “I needed a fresh set of company. Will you do me a favor? Will you...will you pick up my homework from Mrs. Koonz for me? Dumb as it sounds, I don’t want to be behind in classes anymore.”

“Dean,” Cas scolded, turning around, “I told you. You aren’t dumb.”

“Thanks,” Dean said sarcastically.

When they reached the door Cas opened his arms, “now that you know, I’m a hugger, get over here.”

Laughing, Dean hugged him. His arms were warm around him and he squeezed his friend tightly to let him know he was always around. He smiled once and walked out the door.

“Cas!” Dean called from the door, “One piece of advice...sometimes. Sometimes people need a second chance. Take that with a grain of salt though. I mean. I’m not a prime example.”

“You just need more confidence, Dean!”Cas yelled back and set off for home, not wanting to return to school.


	19. Chapter 19

After Cas left Dean found himself in a better mood. His face still hurt but he felt the beginning of optimism growing. He sat on the couch for a moment then pulled out his phone.

"Jo? Any chance you got a minute after school? Yeah? Cool. Oh. And bring your makeup." He hung up right after, partly because it was fun to mess with her head, and also because he didn't really want to go preachin about how his face looked.

Now that he knew he had company coming he decided to take a well overdue shower and get into a fresh pair of clothes. Damn I look hot, he told himself in the mirror, then his eyes took a closer look at the bruises on his face. He saw his smile fade and return to the neutral expression he had before getting ready. This is dumb, he kicked himself, I'll just call jo and tell her to forget about it.

Then the doorbell rang, mussing his hair quickly, he hurried down the stairs, skipping a few and almost tripping. He took a deep breath, winded from the race down, and opened the door.

"Jo!" He said, trying not to let her see he was out of breath.

She laughed and walked past him into the house, "I think you need a bit more exercise, Winchester."

"Hardy har har." Dean mused.

"Down boy," Jo teased, "now, I'm assuming you want me to cover up that mug of yours."

Dean had almost forgotten about his discolored face, and touched it softly, "could you?" He asked sincerely.

"Anything for you, Dean-o." She motioned for him to go upstairs, "up we go, don't want papa Winchester getting upset about his son wearing makeup."

"Great thinkin," Dean agreed, "but he's not even here. He usually leaves...after."

Jo didn't answer but just nodded and led him to the bathroom anyway. "Sit," she commanded pointing at the toilet.

Obediently he sat and looked at his friend happily, "Thanks, Jo." He said just loud enough for her to hear.

"I don't know how you think girls put on makeup but we don't talk or somethin is bound to end up in your eye of your mouth." She said while she started applying some sort of liquid on his face.

Dean just rolled his eyes but sat patiently. After a few minutes Jo spoke again. "Ha, oh Deany, we're gonna have to cover your whole face."

"Why?!" Dean exasperated.

"Your freckles. I mean, usually it's not a big deal but your...bruises, are so dark that in order to cover them fully it looks like patchwork..."

"Ugh, fine," Dean grumbled, "at least blend it or something."

"Please," Jo praised herself, "who do you think I am?"

Doubt filled him with every passing second she spent on him. Twice he told her just to forget it but she just shook her head and held his face in place. Dean was about to seriously argue when her when she announced she was done.

"Finally," he murmured. Getting up he looked at himself in the mirror. He did look normal...minus most of his freckles, only the larger and darker ones remained, "oh god, I'm a painted whore."

It was Jo's turn to roll her eyes, "Dean you look fine."

"Yeah, it will pass for school." Dean said more to himself.

"For tomorrow?" Jo questioned, "hon, that will just last you the day. I thought you just had some big date tonight or something."

"What." Dean said blandly, "First, you guys have to do this everyday?! Second, come on Jo the only girls I talk to are you and Charlie."

She started laughing at him again, "Yes Dean, every day. Also, who said anything about your date being a girl?" She asked slyly, "Oh come on," she tried to reason, seeing the look on his face, " here I spent like fifteen minutes doing your makeup wearing a low cut shirt and you didn't even boob check once."

"That's not a fair reason." Dean argued.

"Oh yeah?” She challenged,“Dean, the only person I've seen you check out lately is art boy."

"His name is Castiel." Dean told her, "Yeah, weird name I know. I call him Cas."

"I've noticed," Jo said like it was obvious, "look, I'm not tryin to discourage you, and not everyone has noticed, but those who care about ya know your facial expressions and your mood."

"Okay!" Dean said a bit too rude, "I think he's interesting, and kinda cute. But that doesn't mean I have a thing for him."

"Then why all the trouble of school?" Jo debated back, "Old Dean didn't give a rats ass."

"Yeah, well old Dean was going to die at age 40 with nothin to his name." Dean said miserably. This threw her off and he knew it, but he wasn't going to deny it anymore. "Jo...I just... didn't see my life goin anywhere. And I don't know fuckin why but Cas makes me want to try..." He was talking to the sink now unable to look her in the eye.

Jo didn't say anything but hugged him from behind. It felt good for someone to be so supportive and he wondered why he didn't tell her earlier.

"Thanks," he said when she pulled away.

"Tomorrow, I'll be here early, before school, so I can fix that face of yours. Also, they could be lighter tomorrow and we may not have to do your whole face." She said, inspecting his face again.

"Freckle boy returns then." He smiled at her. "While you're here you wanna go get somethin to eat? My treat?"

"Sure thing," Jo said smiling.

Dean could tell he was the one now being distant at lunch but he couldn't help it. Jo knew him well enough that it didn't phase her at all. He tried to smile and respond when appropriate but could see he'd missed a few times. Whenever this happened he smiled apologetically while Jo pretended nothing happened. His mind was lost elsewhere. Am I doing this all cuz one kid? Bit dramatic, Dean. Regardless, it is probably good that I am doin something now. I should probably text Cas and tell him not to worry about getting my homework….I bet Sam is home from school by now...shoulda brought him with us, then he could talk to Jo. Oh my god, did she say something to me? Nope, she’s just eatin. Focus Dean, Focus. “So, uh, how’s the gang?”

“Good, just dandy, Meg keeps trying to ask out your boyfriend but she’s super confused why he’s not getting the message.” Jo said in a serious tone but her eyes were full of laughter.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Dean said, “but that’s hilarious. I think her gaydar is broken.”

This made Jo laugh, “Hon, I think you broke it for all of us. Here you were this big lady’s man and now...I don’t even know what to call it, but I think you’re fallin hard buddy.”

“What? No way.” Dean shook his head, “Cas is my friend, a hot friend, but a friend. Like, look at us, you’re hot, but we’re friends.”

“Dean.” Jo said looking him dead in the eye, “It’s cool. We’re cool with it. Just accept that you liked mackin on him and the teasing will stop.”

“You are the sister I never wanted,” Dean grumbled, turning back to his burger and ignoring her prompt  for information.

“Look, Winchester,” she said looking at her phone, “I gotta go to dinner with my ma tonight. Once a month I agreed I’d dress up all pretty and we’d go somewhere fancy, Gimme a ride to my place?”

“Dude, you just ate.” Dean said confused.

“Yeah, well fancy places don’t serve a lot of food anyways, and I got an hour and a half to let this burger sit.” she said proudly and walked outside waiting for Dean to follow.

Holding onto his unfinished shake, he got up and threw their garbage away. Jo was already in Baby when he got outside so he slid over the hood, earning him a ‘you’re so stupid’ smile from her. He wanted to thank her for looking out for him but didn’t know how without looking like an overemotional friend.

“Thanks, again, Jo.” He said with a smile when they pulled up to her house.

“Any time, Dean-o.” She grinned back, reaching over to give him one last hug, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” she promised then hopped out.

He ran his hand through his hair, grateful to her, but not sure how to show it. He forced his mind to go blank on the way home, determined not to overthink everything that was going on. This did however mean that when he walked in the door it took Sam three times calling his name for him to register someone was talking to him.

“What?” He asked completely unaware.

Sam just stared at him and shook his head, “Never mind,” he muttered but Dean knew he was upset.

“Come on, Sammy. Tell me,” Dean said while poking his brother in the face.

Sam flailed his hands up, “Alright, gosh Dean. I was just wondering if you’d...teach me to drive.” his voice got quieter by the end of the sentence.

“Sure,” Dean said, taken aback even saying that.

“Really?!” Sam asked excitedly.

“Yeah,” Dean laughed, “Lemme grab a drink and we’ll go.” he tossed Sammy the keys to Baby and felt a weird sensation of pride. “Meet me outside!” He called from the kitchen and within seconds he heard the door open and close. Dean held back his laughter when he went outside, Sam was practically jumping up and down in the driver’s seat with the biggest, most dopey grin he’d ever seen. “Alright, dork. You know how to turn on the car right?”

Sam was still smiling, “Yes!” he practically yelled.

“Oh, kay.” Dean said, a little worried now, he buckled his seat belt. “Now. See that stick there? You’re going to pull that back to get in reverse.”

Sam nodded and did as Dean told him, he didn’t really need a walk through like Dean was telling him but was complying regardless. When they rolled back to the street he noticed a small flicker of fear in his brother’s eye but Sammy swallowed and shifted into drive. “Ha Ha!” he said proudly.

“Awesome,” Dean said smiling, now. Don’t run over anybody, I’m gonna take a nap.”

“What?” Sammy asked, scared now.

“Chill,” Dean told him and leaned toward the door, “You’re gonna do fine, and if you don’t. I’ll kick your ass.” He knew his brother was most likely panicking but he knew that the only way Sam would get it was if he practiced. Much to his surprise within a few minutes he’d fallen asleep.

****  
  


✻✻✻✻✻✻

“ _Say, Missouri?” Dean asked his babysitter, “Where did Cas go?”_

_Missouri smiled at him softly, making him feel warm inside, “He went to his Aunt’s house a few hours from here, sweetie.”_

_“Oh,” he said, and sipped his juice, content with her answer, “When can I go see him? I got him a birthday present.”_

_“Hon, his birthday was months ago...do you still have it?” She asked him._

_“Yep!” He said excitedly, “Daddy told me it was dumb to keep it but me and Sammy hid it under the porch so he wouldn’t find it.”_

_Missouri chuckled at him, “That’s a very good hiding spot, I’ll ask your Daddy if he’ll let me take you one of these days.”_

_Dean grinned, “You’re the best babysitter ever.” He complimented, and clicked his feet together from the stool he was sitting on. In the other room he heard his brother start to cry, waking up from a nap. “Can I tell Sammy the good news!?” He asked._

_“Of course, sweetheart,” Missouri giggled and picked him up in one swift motion, together they went into the living room to find Sammy._

_“Sammy! Don’t cry! Guess what!? Missouri is gonna get us to see Cas.” Dean was telling his brother._

_Sam sniffed and rubbed a tear from his eye, “Cas?” he asked, “I like Cas.”_

_“Yeah,” Dean agreed, “We’re gonna give him that cool picture you drew him, and I’ll give him that yellow car.”_

_Sammy was smiling now, Dean smiled with him. He knew that if Missouri asked Daddy they could go. Then he wouldn’t just be w_ hining to go, then he’d know that Cas and him were actually really best friends and they needed to play. Missouri left the two of them play in the backyard together and Dean spent the whole time retelling all of the adventures they’d had when Cas was around. Sammy would giggle and Dean felt happy, for the first time in a few days.

_“Daddy!!!” Dean squealed when they returned home._

_“Hey sport,” John said ruffling Dean’s hair and taking Sam from Missouri, “Thanks again, don’t know what I’d do without you.” He told her thankfully._

_“Anytime.” She smiled back, “These boys are quite a good time.”_

_Dean grinned at her showing a few of his missing teeth, “Missouri,” he said tugging on her pant leg, “Will you ask him?”_

_John looked curiously at Dean then at Missouri. “What’s this about?” He asked, but showed no emotion on his face._

_“Oh,” She said waving her hand like it wasn’t too important, “The boys were just wondering if I could take them to see that Novak boy sometime.”_

_“Dean.” John said in a tired voice, “I told you it’s a long drive.”_

_“But--” Dean tried to protest._

_“It wouldn’t be much trouble, John,” Missouri promised._

_“I’ll think about it.” John said sternly. “Alright, tell her goodbye. You’ll see her next week.”_

_Dean hugged his babysitter tightly, “Thank you, I”ll see you next week!” He said excitedly. He was so happy, next week Missouri was gonna take them to see Cas and then he’d get to play again with someone other than Sammy._

_“Take your brother upstairs, Dean,” John said softly._

_“Okay,” Dean agreed then pulled Sammy with him. He knew that Daddy needed time to himself, a lot of grown ups did that, his kindergarten teacher had told him so. “Sammy?” he asked his brother, “You wanna play with legos or play doh?”_

_“Play doh!” Sammy said excitedly._

_The two had just finished making icing for their play doh ice cream when Daddy called for them downstairs. Dean quickly put all the dough back in their cups, then grabbed Sammy’s hand to take him downstairs with him.  In the kitchen Dean could smell Mac and Cheese. Grinning he put Sammy into his high chair then climbed up to the counter._

_“Yum,” He hummed when a bowl of hot macaroni and cheese was put in front of him._

_“Make sure you feed your brother some too.” John smiled, and opened another can of grown up drink._

_“I will,” Dean promised and gave every other bite to his brother. When the bowl was empty he got down to get a rag to clean off Sammy’s face.  “Here we go,” He told his brother, and began to wipe off the scattered noodles, “All clean!” He announced proudly, and got his brother out._

_He found his dad in the living room watching TV. He wanted to ask if he’d really let them go for such_ a long drive but didn’t want to have Sam hear the answer. So he took Sammy upstairs first and changed him into some pajamas, knowing that they’d have to go to bed soon. He changed himself, then tiptoed back downstairs alone.

_“Daddy?” He asked quietly. John grunted from his chair so he assumed that he could talk. “Can...I mean. Will I get to go with Missouri to Cas’ aunt’s house?”_

_John looked at his son. “Maybe.”_

_“I promise I’ll look after Sammy the whole time. Cas loves to play with him too so we can play games with all three of us.” He said happily._

_“I said, maybe, Dean, get ready for bed, You’ve got school tomorrow.” John said in a tired voice._

_“Sammy is already in his pj’s I just wanted to ask you.” Dean said quietly.His dad didn’t answer so he walked back upstairs to get Sammy fully ready for bed, he brushed their teeth and made sure that Sammy went to the bathroom before he went to sleep. “Night Sammy.” He told his brother when he tucked him in and kissed his forehead._

_He went to his own room and crawled into bed, staring at the ceiling, he was too excited to sleep. It had been a very long time since he saw his friend, Cas was going to love his birthday present. He was still sad he couldn’t give it to him on his birthday but he did live very far away. Dean was almost asleep when his door opened._

_“Dean,” his dad said softly._

_“I’m awake, but almost asleep, I promise.” Dean said earnestly._

_“I believe you. I just, wanted to say I’ll try to get you to your friend soon.” John said then left the room._

_Dean smiled even bigger. He dreamt of Cas’ face when he saw the presents that they’d gotten for him._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

“Dean.” Sam was poking him in the side.

“Did you crash her? I swear, Sam.” Dean said still half asleep.

“You think I’m crazy?” Sam laughed, “No, we’re back at the house. Thank you. I know dad would probably flip if he knew.”

“Yeah, well.” Dean said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “He’s usually good for a few weeks after somethin like this,” he said motioning to his face.

Sammy winced a little, “It looks a little better…” he offered.

“That’s cuz Jo. She made me all pretty with make up. She’s coming over tomorrow morning to do it all over again so I can go to school with you.” He said getting out of the car.

“Okay, who are you and what did you do with my brother?” Sam laughed.

“Ha ha.” Dean laughed sarcastically. “Now. I say pizza. What say you?”

“Definitely.” Sam agreed and picked up the phone to call in their usual order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some balth/Cas smut in the next chp. If you'd rather not read it its just toward the end of the chp and you can skip to the next one.


	20. Chapter 20

Castiel sat staring at his phone on his bed. He wanted to take Dean’s advice and give Balth a second chance but he wasn’t quite sure how to even begin to talk to him. It’s been two years and now out of the blue he wants to talk to me? He sighed audibly. He rolled over and started to get comfortable to go to sleep when his phone rang again. He winced at the bright light, then took a chance and answered.

“Hello Balthazar.” He said sleepily.

“Did I wake you?” Balth asked.

“No,” Cas answered, “I was just going to sleep.”

“I’ll make this quick then,” his friend assured, “I just...uh I am in town for a few weeks and I was wondering if maybe we could hang out.”

Cas sat up in bed, “You’re in town? Since when?”

“A few days ago. I tried calling you when we first landed but you didn’t pick up.” Balthazar explained. “I know...I know I screwed things up with us but I was hoping we could, ya know, at least be friends.”

“Balth…” Castiel told him hesitantly.

“Please? I’ll even come to you, you don’t have to go anywhere.” Balth proposed.

Cas thought for a moment about the advice that Missouri and Dean had given him and reluctantly told him he could come. Balthazar immediately wanted to come over and talk but it was almost eleven and Cas was too tired to deal with the drama. Half hour later, he convinced his friend to visit the next day after school.  When he’d hung up he fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

His unease remained even in the morning. He went downstairs half asleep and poured a bowl of cereal for himself.

“Mornin’ Angel,” His mother greeted him, “You look tired still, do you wanna sleep in?”

“No,” he said through a yawn, “That’s okay. I just need a cup of coffee.”

“Way ahead of you,” Anna laughed and slid him a mug, “cream?”

Castiel shook his head, “That’s okay, I like it black.”

“You are definitely your father’s son. Never let me add anything to it.” she smiled but Cas knew it was a fake smile.

He felt a lump rise in his throat, he hated seeing her sad, taking her hand he said, “I’m glad I remind you of him.”

"You're too good to me sweetie," she said quietly.

"Not possible," he laughed. Finishing his bowl he got up to kiss her forehead and wash his dishes.

On the way to school he dragged his feet the whole time. He wasn't sure why he got flustered by the girl in his class the day before but it gave him an unsettling feeling for the day to come. On top of that he was now feeling nauseous about meeting his ex later. Purposely he was ten minutes late to class. He slip into a seat in the back which was apparently out of character because his teacher watched him with confusion for most of the period.

Ignoring this, he pulled out a notebook to sketch in. He'd been trying to draw an angel but felt like he was being too narcissistic. He was on a fifth rough draft when the bell rang. He turned in his homework that was due at the beginning of class, and followed the suit of students out into the hall.

Much like his first class, painting was slow too. Usually it was his favorite class but today it was quiet and uneventful. Charlie had taken the day off because she was "sick" but he knew that there was a comic convention in town and he was sure she found some way to convince her mom to go with her. Lazily he mixed some blues, purples, and oranges to create a sunset over the ocean. He was finishing the details of the waves when there was a low whistle behind him.

"That's amazing, Cas." Dean said admiring his work.

"Thanks," Cas replied and turned to his friend, "what brings you to art?" He asked curiously.

"Oh, I was lookin for Charlie." He shrugged, "but I'm glad I found ya...weird question. Does my face look weird?"

Dean has leaned forward close enough that Cas could smell his cologne. Definitely old spice. He thought to himself, then studied his friend's face. There were a noticeable amount of freckles missing...

"Dean your face!" He exclaimed, "I forgot! You're just missing some freckles but you look great!" He admitted.

Dean blushed a little, "Er, thanks." He said quieter realizing the other students were looking at them, "I had Jo fix me up." He confided, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I’m glad you’re here today.” Castiel said honestly. He didn’t know why he felt more at ease with Dean around. It wasn’t like Dean knew anything about Balthazar really, but somehow he calmed his nerves.

“I’m glad I came too.” Dean smiled at him. His voice was quiet like he didn’t want anyone to hear him but Castiel.

Cas gave him a quick hug, “I’ll see you at lunch? I’m running late to class.” he told his friend, knowing that he was uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, “I’ll meet you in the library fourth period if you want.”

Cas thought for a moment, Balth said he was coming after school and he didn’t quite know what that meant. Maybe I could bring Dean with me...just so Balth thinks I have some other friends…”Yeah, um. Would you mind...wait. I’ll just ask  you then.” Cas changed his mind to ask Dean until later, he got nervous at the last second.

Dean nodded like nothing was out of the ordinary and left the art room with a wave over his shoulder like usual. He felt himself smiling but didn’t care who was watching. Whether or not anything happened between him and Dean he was happy that his friend was in his life once again.

Only a few seconds late to his next class he found that his teacher was still discussing their reading of Pride & Prejudice. He was kind of grateful the teacher was slightly sexist and was only asking the girls questions on what they thought of the readings. The boys in the class she would ask simple plot questions, just enough to make sure they were reading the book and not simply watching the movie.

He was feeling quite good about everything until he realized he only had a little over two hours until he was talking to Balth. He swallowed deeply and found his mind going completely blank. He stared at the whiteboard behind the teacher, look at the words but couldn’t make any sense out of them. In an instant all his thoughts and worries returned at once.

What if he kisses me in front of Dean. I don’t even want to kiss him, he started to argue with himself. On the other hand what does it matter if he does, it’s not like Dean will care. I should probably fully warn him. but that’s some dumb, he countered with himself, why on earth would Balth do that? ugh, why did I answer the phone. It’s just gonna hurt…

He put his head down on his desk not willing to even look up and pretend to pay attention. Far too early the final bell rang releasing the students to lunch before their last period. He avoided eye contact with everyone and kept his gaze on the floor. He only then realized as well that Charlie was still gone, sighing he got his food at sat at his regular table still. Within minutes Sam and Dean were sitting next to him.

“Hey Cas!” Sam said brightly.

Forced out of his own mind he looked up at his friend. As usual Sam had a large puppy dog smile on his face, the only difference was Dean had a matching one. It was little things like this where the two brothers looked the most alike.

“Hey Cas,” Dean started to ask, “is it cool if Jess comes to sit with us too?”

Castiel was confused for a moment as to why Dean was asking but then he looked at Sam. The younger brother sat with his head down and poking around at his food. Dean had clearly told him that he wasn’t in the best mood today, while he was happy Dean was thoughtful he also was simply grateful he had friends around him.

“Of course it is.” Castiel answered, looking at Sam.

Giddily Sam got up and ran to the other side of the cafeteria to find Jess. He watched the two talk for a moment. Sam gestured towards the table where they were sitting, and pointed to Dean and Cas. Self conscious Cas looked down at his food like he hadn’t been watching. He could hear Dean laughing at him but he didn’t care. Within seconds Sam returned with Jess in tow.

“It’s good to see you again,” Cas greeted.

“Same,” Jess smiled.

Cas was happy to see that Sam and Jess spent the rest of the hour talking to each other and not him. every once and awhile the two would lace hands, making him smile and Dean look mildly uncomfortable. Cas smiled at his friend, it wasn’t often he saw this look on Dean and he had to admit it was kind of funny. He suppressed a laugh when Sam kissed his girlfriend and Dean sat with his mouth open, surprised at his brother’s actions.  As soon as he finished his lunch he offered Dean an out.

“You wanna just go to the library now and I can help you with that paper?” Cas asked.

Dean looked at him for a moment, “Wha--Oh! Yes. Yeah. Let’s go. Bye Sammy!” Dean said quickly and got up and left before Cas had even finished collecting his trash.

All the way to the library, he found himself laughing at his friend. Dean occasionally just shiver, and say something about his brother. He knew this was only because he was embarrassed about Sammy’s public displays of affection and simply shook his head when Dean tried to plead his case. They reached the doors to the library and Cas found that he couldn’t go in.

“Dean.” He said stopping in his tracks, “Could we...can we skip class?”

“Yeah,” Dean shrugged, “I mean, technically I’m skipping class anyway. Where do you want to go? Baby has a full tank.” He mused holding up the keys to his car.

Cas smiled, “Anywhere, we just...we gotta be back at my house around four.”

“Sure thing,” Dean said and turned the other way to head outside.

When they got in the car, Cas still sat quietly, dwelling on all his anxieties. He wanted to tell Dean what was going on but also felt like that was too much to dump on a new friendship. Part of him knew that Dean wouldn’t care and would probably have some sort of advice but he couldn’t put his thoughts into words.

“You wanna...talk...about what’s goin on?” Dean asked carefully, still watching the road, “I mean...we don’t have to, but you’ve been in kind of a daze the last couple days, and now you’re skipping class. You’re practically me.”

He laughed at this, “You’ve got a point. I’ve wanted to tell you...but I don’t want you to feel weird about it.”

“Cas,” Dean said plainly, “the road, this car, it’s my heaven. Now, tell me.”

Thinking about it for only a minute he decided he'd leave out the dirty details but he started, beginning to finish, about him and Balthazar.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_"Cassie," Balth hummed next to him._

_They had fallen asleep watching a movie and Balth's head was in his lap. Cas brushed his boyfriend's hair off his forehead and place an innocent kiss there._

_"Mornin," Cas  whispered, still playing with his hair._

_“Technically, Love, it’s the evening.” Balthazar teased._

_Cas rolled his eyes, “Get up here.” He told him, and then kissed him properly._

_They’d been dating now for about two weeks; school was still a bit of challenge because of the students as well as the teachers, but their friends and family were supportive which gave them a safe place to be themselves. most days they did their homework together then sat and enjoyed each other’s company._

_“Cas,” Balth said breathlessly between a kiss, “stop for a second.”_

_“Hmm,” Cas hummed, “I don’t know if I want to.”_

_Laughing Balthazar pushed away anyway. “Listen for a minute. Its..well it’s kind of important.”_

_“Are you breaking up with me?!” Cas asked an a false surprise._

_“God, no.” Balth said seriously, “My parents are leaving the country again soon, and uh, they want me to go with them...it’s just for a couple weeks or so. I’ll be back before school is out for Christmas.”_

_Cas furrowed his eyebrows, “What? Really….” It was Castiel’s turn to sit back. He laid his head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He knew that it would only be a month or so, but it was going to be weird getting used to all the time he had by himself again._

_“Yeah….” Balth sighed then leaned towards him to lay on his shoulder.  “I’ll call everyday.” He promised._

_“It’s not that.” Castiel said truthfully, “I just….I don’t want to go to school alone.”_

_Balthazar began to place soft kisses neck and whisper reassurances in his ear. Trying to push his anxiety down he kissed him back, enjoying the time they had together still._

_The next few weeks they tried to spend as much time together as possible. This meant a few sleepovers, some accidental, some planned. The night before his departure they sat on the roof of Castiel’s house and stared at the sky above them._

_“I’m going to miss you.” Cas said quietly._

_Balth didn’t answer but kissed him gently, he felt a lump rise in his throat and returned the kiss but with a little more emotion. Soon, they were both lost in each other. Cas tried to pick out who’s legs were on top of who’s but it got too complicated. He moaned subconsciously and pushed Balth flat against the roof. Rather than fight him, Balth let him have his way. Every kiss deeper than the last Cas wedged himself between Balth's legs, itching for more friction._

_"Fuck," Balth cursed as Cas started nibbling on his neck. "Cassie, not that I'm not losing my fucking mind but this roof isn't--ahh fuck--the softest."_

_"Fine," Cas panted, "bedroom, now."_

_By the time they'd reached his bedroom both had lost their shirts. Castiel nearly tripped Balth getting him through the door and taking off his jeans._

_"What's the hurry?" Balthazar laughed between kisses._

_"I just--you," he got out then pushed Balth onto his bed. They looked at each other for a moment, and Castiel knew it was now or six weeks from now. "Two months is too long." He said to his lover._

_Balthazar smiled sadly, "I know, angel."_

_Together they finished undressing each other. Cas ran his hands over Balthazar's chest then followed with his mouth tasting as much of him as he could. Sitting up Cas marveled at his body. He'd seen most of it when they were swimming or when their make out sessions got too heated. A couple times they'd tried phone sex but they both knew this was something completely different._

_Balthazar reached up and brought their mouths together again, instantly Cas felt the same flame they'd had on the roof. He reached below them and held their cocks together, rubbing his hand up and down their shafts._

_"Fuck, Cassie," Balth said clutching his arms._

_"Let me take care of you." He whispered, he paused only for a moment to lick his hand and went back to giving them both pleasure._

_"Cas, I want you," Balth moaned, "please tell me you have lube."_

_Castiel hummed, "Hell yeah." Reaching over him, he fumbled in his bedside table and pulled out a bottle as well as a condom. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, babe."_

_"Oh shut up," Balth pleaded._

_A breathless laugh erupted in his chest and he knew there wasn't anyone else he'd rather be doing this with. Squirting out a fair amount of lube on his fingers, he rubbed them together, warming it. "You sure?" He asked._

_"Please just fuck me," Balth smiled._

_"As you wish," Cas laughed and a frustrated groan came from Balthazar._

_He kneeled back on his heads and tentatively started opening him up. He started to curl his finger and knew he'd found what he was looking for when Balth screamed out. Smiling he placed another finger in and scissoring them. Every few seconds Balthazar would clench and Cas made sure to relax him back down before going further. By three fingers Castiel felt his own cock twitch in excitement. Now, Balthazar was practically begging. He hastily got the condom from the wrapper and slid it on, he took a moment to lubricate it as well then slowly slid in._

_"Oh god," he said breathless, "oh god, holy fuck. God, you're so tight."_

_"Please, move." Balthazar moaned._

_Cas started slowly, no longer were his thoughts in any rational state. All he knew was heat, sweat, and pleasure. Picking up momentum, he stroked Balthazar to th_ e same pace and watched him writhe beneath him. He felt his orgasm welling up and pushed in deeper, wanting to be as close as possible. Moaning he lifted Balth's hands above his head and held him there, sucking a hickey onto his _collarbone._

_"Caaaas," Balth was whimpering, "I'm so close."_

_"Come for me," Cas said hungrily in his ear, "come."_

_Balth screamed his name when he found his release, watching him Cas found himself coming right after. He let himself stay inside until he was nearly soft then pulled out. He felt like every bone in his body had relaxed and now was basking in the afterglow. Out of breath he laid down and curled his arms around Balthazar. A few minutes later they both were sound asleep._


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh kay. here's your Destiel fluff. ya dorks :))

Dean cautiously got in the car with a distant Cas. He was super stoked that Cas even wanted or agreed to spend time with him, however, he could tell his friend was torn over something. It took some prying but Cas agreed to tell him what was up. The entire time Cas stared out the window. He was offended until he realized that his friend was crying a little bit. He then turned his own attention to the road. He decided to take Cas to his secret spot. When they arrived, Cas finished his story and looked head on for the first time.

"Where are we?" He asked curiously.

"Well," Dean said feeling awkward now, "this is where I come when I decide I can't handle the world anymore."

Together they looked out over the valley. From this point you could see from one end of the valley to the other, in all directions. Dean took a deep breath and leaned back to sit on Baby. Then patted next to him for Cas to join.

"So," Dean started, "what you're telling me is that this kid is your first crush and he's coming back? Isn't that a good thing?"

Cas smiled half hearted, "You'd think, but no. He wasn't my crush, Dean, he was my first lover. Don't you still have feelings for the first person you slept with?"

"Well, it was Jo. And I love her, but...not in that way anymore. I was sixteen and stupid." Dean shrugged. He didn't realize how true that actually was until he'd said it aloud.

"Oh," Cas said, a little surprised. "I may have been rash, but even though we were sixteen, we'd been dating for over a year. Dean, really, what should I do? I know I still love him, but he's just going to leave me again."

"Hey," Dean said, grabbing Cas' gaze, "if you want something, you go for it, if it makes you uncomfortable, stop. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else's."

"Thank you," Castiel said, "I'm sorry I dragged you into my drama."

"Cas, you looked after me and Sammy when my dad was losing his shit, not to mention you cheered me up after this," he motioned to his face, "I'm there for ya. Now, should we go meet this dick bag who broke your heart?"

Dean watched as Cas gave one more look over their view then turned to him, “Yeah, let’s go.” Cas said quietly with his shoulders hunched.

 _Good one, Dean._ He thought, _lotta good you did here today_. He watched his friend on the way back but Cas was staring out the window. “Do you mind if I turn on some music?” Dean asked. _Well, that’s weird. Never asked that one before._ Cas shrugged but didn’t answer. Taking that as a yes he put on some Deep Purple. Cas neither sounded offend nor enjoyed it. Sighing, he sang along wishing he knew what was going on in his friend’s head.

Pulling up to Cas’ house there was a silver Civic in the driveway with a boy sitting on the trunk. The boy watched curiously as Dean pulled up, upon seeing who was in the car he ran over before the car even stopped. The boy was near Cas’ height with dirty blonde hair, he smiled at Cas brightly. “Balthazar?” Dean asked but knew the answer.

“Cassie!!” Balthazar was cheering.

Cas smiled at got out, before he could say anything, Balthazar had embraced him tightly. “It’s good to see you too.” Cas was laughing.

A bit stunned at the mood change in his friend, Dean sat in the car looking at the two with one raised brow. When neither acknowledged his existence he got out of the car. He had told Cas he would stick around and not leave him alone. He walked slowly around Baby and sat on the hood watching the other two reunite. Balthazar was smiling at Cas and kept switching between kissing him on the cheek and hugging him. This is weird. Dean thought to himself and wondered if he should go.

“Dean.” Cas called to him, “Sorry, I want you to properly meet Balthazar. Balthazar this is Dean.”

“Ah, the infamous Dean Winchester, I assume?” Balthazar said with a strange accent in his voice.

“Uh, yeah...infamous?” He asked back.

“Cassie didn’t tell you? He had quite the thing for you before we got together. All growing up it was ‘my best friend Dean this’ and ‘one time me and Dean. Yada Yada you get it.” Balthazar said giggling at his friend.

“Balth, stop.” Cas was rolling his eyes.

“Oh.” Dean said. trying to come up with something more interesting to say.

“Looks like you have a type, deary.” Balthazar said looking Dean up and down.

He felt his face flush, _why is he checking me out? I thought he liked Cas...this is weird. Oh god, why am I here...think Dean...how do I leave?_

“Balth, leave him alone.” Cas chuckled, “Also, me and Dean aren’t a couple, we’re just friends.”

“Type?” Dean finally managed.

“You don’t see it?” Balthazar asked him, “Blonde, tall, striking features, and stunning eyes.”

“Stunning?” Dean asked, now very lost.

“Ignore him,” Cas was talking to him now.

Dean started to zone out when the two started catching up on what they’d been up to. He caught bits and pieces, Balthazar, or Balth, had been apparently all over Europe and Cas, he found, could graduate early if he wanted to but was going to stay the whole time regardless. Dean began to feel very out of place and wanted nothing more to go hide back under his blanket in his cozy bed. He began to say some sort of excuse for him to leave when Cas interrupted.

“Please don’t go.” he asked sincerely, “Look, why don’t we all go get something to eat? I’m sure we could all use a burger.”

Dean smiled, and agreed. “I’ll drive,” he said.

“That’s kind of you but I don’t know if I want to get into that death trap you call a car.” Balthazar told him.

“Woah. You did not, just insult Baby.” Dean defended, holding his hands in the air, “Also, it was not a question, it was a statement. Now get in before I leave you here on the curb.”

Cas was grinning at him and gave a shrug to Balth,”Better listen to him.” then climbed into the front seat.

Once in the car, Balthazar spoke up again, “Looks like you’ve switched from a top to a bottom, Cassie.”

“What?” Cas asked seriously, “Not at all, I just know things don’t end well when you insult Baby.”

Dean smiled proudly at his friend, then asked, “Top? Bottom?” he looked at Cas but he had turned his attention out the window, he gave a look back at the new kid in the back seat.

“Oh, honey.” Balthazar was grinning, with a taunt on his lips, “You really haven’t been sleeping with Cassie have you?”

Before he could answer Cas joined in, “Balth, really. Leave him alone.”

Dean was starting to like this guy less and less. _First he insults Baby, assumes I’m dating Cas, and now he’s teasing me that I’m not. God, I was right. Frikin dick bag. Dean looked at Cas who had started talking to Dick Bag again and wondered, Why on earth can he be so chill with this guy? First or not he’s a douche. I gotta get outta here before I punch a hole in this kid’s stupid perfect smile._ Looking at Cas again he saw the largest grin he’d ever seen on him. _he wanted me to like this kid so bad...I guess I can give him another hour of my life before I kill him._

Once inside, Dean didn’t even have to order as his waitress called to him then told him she was getting it ready. He smiled at Cas who was shaking his head.

“You come here a bit too often,” Cas laughed.

“Can’t help that I know what I like,” Dean winked and waited for his Coke to arrive. When it did he was sure to give Tanya a wink and nod of her own then watched as she walked away. He had to admit, if he was three years older he would be hitting that.

“You’re completely right, Cassie,” Balthazar was saying, “He’s straight.”

Dean didn’t know why this offended him. It could’ve been because he said ‘straight’ as an insult but something tugged at him. He wanted to come back with ‘oh yeah, well i kissed your dear Cassie and you know what it was hot.’ but instead he gave an involuntary sneer, and went to his drink while Tanya came back with his food and started taking the other two’s order.

When she had left again, Cas spoke for him, “Actually, Dean and I did make out once, I thought it was quite nice...didn’t you Dean?”

“Yeah.” Dean asked without a second thought, “Bisexual, I guess.” Dean said offhandedly even though it was scaring the shit out of him that it was true. What the hell is dad going to think, he thought suddenly, ah fuck.

Trying not to have a physical meltdown about his sexuality, he forced himself to eat his whole sandwich and order another shake while the two lovebirds across from him got caught up in their own world. Knowing they wouldn’t notice he sent a text, to both Charlie and Jo.

 **Dean:** Guys. I’m bisexual??!!

Within seconds they had both responded.

 **Jo:** Obviously, goodness Deano, do we need to spell these things out for you?

 **Charlie:** Hahahahaha, oh Deanie, I could’ve told you that years ago.

Dumbfounded he let his mouth fall open.

 **Dean:** and u guys didn’t _tell_ me? how the hell did i not know?

 **Jo:** Dean. You full on _moaned_ when you were mackin on Cas at Vic’s party.

 **Charlie:** Hon, just tell him.

Panicked he looked up at Balthazar and Cas. Somehow in the couple minutes he’d missed texting, he’d missed something important, the two were now holding hands. An emotion he’d never experienced before filled his gut.

 **Dean:** They’re holding hands. fuck this.

 **Charlie** : Who?

 **Jo:** Who?

 **Dean:** Cas and his dick bag ex Balthazar or some shit.

 **Charlie:** You wanna take this one Jo?

 **Jo:** Dean, you’re jealous.

 **Dean:** No I’m not. I just don’t want to see Cas hook up with some dick who cheated on him.

 **Jo:**  ya, becuz you want Cas to have better, and u think you’re a better choice.

 **Dean:** I am a better choice! But that ain’t the point. If some dick was doing this to you i’d be angry too.

 **Charlie:** You would. but for different reasons. Just try not to kill the kid.

Frustrated he tucked his phone back in his pocket, and angrily dipped his fries in ketchup and mulling over what his friends had told him.

“Dean?” Cas was talking to him now.

“What?” He said crankily.

“Nothing,” Cas said with a shrug, “You just look upset.”

“Yeah. Well. I am.” Dean agreed.

“I think I should go.” Balthazar said quietly.

Rolling his eyes Dean left money on the table for his meal and a tip then left to his car without a word to the others. Picking another cassette he found his favorite ACDC and waited. What the hell are those girls thinking. I’m not jealous. It’s not like I want to make out with Cas, or sleep with Cas. This guy is just a douche who doesn’t deserve him.

Cas came out of the restaurant first looking at Dean with pity in his eyes. He hated that look, granted, he’d never had it in this situation but he was used to it from everyone who knew anything about his home life. He looked the other way not wanting to see it on Cas too. The door opened and Cas sat in silence next to him.

“Dean?” Cas asked, “Are you okay?”

“Awesome.” He grunted back.

“Balthazar and me...we’re not dating again...” Cas tried to reason.

“Good, he’s a dick.” Dean insulted.

“That’s not fair, Dean.” Cas argued, “You’ve known him for about two hours.”

He looked at his friend and took a deep breath, “I know. I’m sorry, ” He apologized, “I guess I just learned something about myself at an inconvenient moment.” he laughed to himself knowing how stupid he sounded, “You can date whoever the hell you want Cas.”

Cas’ face went from pity to angry in half a second, “Why do I need your permission Dean?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Dean said frustrated.

“Oh really? Because it seems like it. Look, for years, I’ve been dealing with dumb shit from people telling me how I should be and what I should be doing and I sure as hell don’t need it from you.” Cas was nearly yelling now.

“Cas.” Dean said blatantly, “I wasn’t saying anything about that! I’m just saying, if you like him, date him, ya know, or don’t. You don’t need to prove yourself to me, to him, or any fucking one, you take care of you. I’m sorry I blew up. It’s not about you two.”

Cas just stared at him, he had tears in his eyes but wasn’t letting them fall, “Dean, I think...I think we’re both just at our emotional max today.”

Dean rubbed his eyes, “You’re right. I’m just, realizing what I said in there was true...and I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Cas looked at him curiously, “Look, my dad isn’t as cool as your mom you saw how he treats Charlie. You saw what he does when I drop a fucking plate in the sink, what the hell is he gonna do when he finds out I like dudes?!” he stared at his hands, flexing his fingers.

“Dean.” Cas said softly, and grabbed his hands, instantly, he felt them stop shaking and he looked up, “I’m sorry.”

“Where’s Balth?” Dean asked purposely changing the topic. 

“He’s waiting till I text him to come out. You really worried me.” Cas explained, “You always have a place at my house if you need somewhere.”

“I know. Can...can we just go? I’ll take you two back and then I think I need a long shower.”

Nodding, Cas sent his friend a quick message. The drive back was the longest couple minutes of Dean’s life. He could tell both were trying to avoid topics that would set him off even slightly and he felt bugged that they couldn’t speak freely, he almost told them this, then remembered Cas’ hurt expression and changed his mind.

Balth got out of the car first and turned to Cas, “Can I call you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Cas answered. Without another word he smiled, got into his car, and drove away. “Are we going to talk?” Castiel asked.

“I’ve been such an ass…”Dean said, knowing it was true.

“Dean, you are an ass, but you're also my friend.” Cas assured him.

He put his face in his hands and let his head rest on the steering wheel. To his surprise he felt Castiel give him a sideways hug.

“I owe you,” He said to Cas through his fingers, “here I was supposed to be the stable one for you, ha, look where that went.”

Cas began to rub circles on his back, “Dean, you didn’t do anything wrong. Balthazar is kind of a jerk but I grew up with him, he’s my oldest friend and I think I’ve just gotten used to his personality. I’m sorry for how he treated you though.”

“Cas...can I...can I ask you something?” Dean was feeling nervous now.

“Anything.” Cas replied.

“Was...was it just... _nice_ , for you?” Dean asked quietly.

“Was what?” Cas asked confused.

“Ya know, when we...ugh, when we kissed.” Dean felt his face turn bright red and didn’t dare look at his friend in the eyes.

Cas started laughing, “Dean, you are a great kisser.”

Dean sat up and looked at him now, “I’m serious! I mean, I thought I was a pretty good kisser, but you didn’t _feel_ anything?”

It was Cas’ turn to flush, “Dean...I did enjoy it, and of course, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you. I mean, I was your first guy right?”

Dean couldn’t find an answer for him, yes Cas was his first kiss from a guy but it was also his best kiss he’d had. They looked at each other without saying anything. It dawned on him that he really should’ve talked the whole thing out with Cas when it happened, maybe they’d be in a different spot, maybe he wouldn’t have this weird gut desire to kiss the boy in front of him, maybe he would already be over his sexuality crisis and we totally cool dating Cas, maybe Cas wouldn’t have been here holding another boy’s hand. _That’s too many damn maybe’s_ , he told himself, then did the unthinkable.

Without a word he leaned forward and grabbed Cas by the jaw, he kissed him softly on the lips. Just like the first time he felt his mouth tingle and the sensation flow to his toes. Not wanting to ever answer Cas’ question he continued to taste the other boy. Castiel gasped but didn’t pull away. Dean’s inner monologue went nuts, _Oh god, he’s kissing me back, what do I do, do i hold him? Should I go for tongue, oh he went for tongue, odd, I can taste his chocolate shake. His hand is in my hair, oh god, fuck._

Without a second thought he gripped the lapels on his stupid trench coat and pulled Cas closer. He could tell the other boy’s glasses were askew and smiled, knowing how desperate they both must look. Cas started laughing, he leaned back to place them on the dashboard, then pushed Dean against the door. Kissing him, holding him. _It’s my own personal heaven,_ Dean thought. _Oh god, that was girly._

“Don’t--don’t stop.” Dean told him when Cas pulled away.

“Dean, we can’t.” Cas said with a sigh and sat back putting his glasses back on.

“Why not?” Dean asked, “That...that was hot.”

“Dean.” Cas said seriously, “I just. Can’t right now. Okay?”

Dean sat stunned a little, still leaning on the side door, “Yeah, okay. Cool. I guess we’ll just brush this one off like the other.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Cas exasperated.

“Then talk to me!” Dean said, “Cuz I can’t do this weird tip toe ‘i like you’ business.”

“Dean, I like you, I do. You’re smart, funny, hot, a dork, but...but I just don’t know where my feelings are right now. I don’t know if I want you because Balth is back or if I really care about you, and I don’t want to hurt you.” Cas explained.

“You never stop surprising me.” Dean said with a sad laugh, “Cas, all I know is that, I never...I’ve never wanted to just sit and spend time with someone, except you. I...I’m sorry I’m such a jerk. I guess, I’m used to people just...using me when they want it. God, this is the biggest chick flick moment of my life.”

Cas started laughing too, “Dean, expressing your feelings doesn’t mean you're any less masculine, it means you’re human.”

“Fine,” Dean agreed, “we’ll put this all on hold...till you figure out where you are. One more question though….”

“Shoot,” Cas said fixing his shirt and jacket.

“Just...can I kiss you one more time?” Dean gave him a sideways smile, knowing how dopey he looked.

“Yeah,” Castiel said rolling his eyes, “no tongue this time.” he warned.

“Please, you started it.” Dean argued back, then leaned in once again to kiss his friend.


	22. Chapter 22

Friday morning Castiel was still grinning. Dean kissed him. He still felt like it was because he’d been jealous of Balthazar but wasn’t going to dwell on that thought too much. He sat in his bed smiling at the ceiling. He could still feel the pressure of Dean’s lips on his own. He pulled his blanket back up over his head to hide, what he knew, was a doofy smile.

“Castiel?” His mother knocked on the door, “Are you up?”

“Yes!” He called back, sad to leave the comfort of his bed, he rolled out and dug through his closet for something to wear to school. Yawning he pulled out a long sleeve shirt and an old pair of jeans. Dressed, but not fully awake he went to the kitchen where his mother was cooking some eggs.

“Would you like some?” She asked, scooping a spoonful onto a bagel.

“If you’ve got extra, yes please.” He answered and poured his morning glass of coffee.

“That stuff is going to stop your growth spurt.” His mother commented.

He rolled his eyes, “Mom, Dad was six foot...somethin and I’m almost six feet. I’m totally cool with my height now, I like taller guys.”

“Well then,” She laughed, “Don’t let me stop you then.”

He smiled at his mom, happy she was so supportive, then he’d remembered what Dean had said about his dad. His dad had hit him over a broken plate...a bubble of worry started in his gut and he set his cup down. If he did start anything with Dean they’d have to keep it secret.

"Mom?" He asked, "is a relationship worth it if you have to hide it?"

"That's not something I can answer for you. It depends on how much you love the person, and if they're willing to make it work too." She said, “which boy are we talking about?”

“Uh, Dean….” Cas said reluctantly, “I just, I don’t to ruin his life.”

“How would you be doing that?” Anna asked.

“I don’t know if that’s information that Dean wants me to share..” Cas said, he really didn’t know how his mother would react to children being abused.

"Well then, that's something you boys will just have to discuss." She shrugged, "I'm off to work, see you tonight?"

"Course, where else would I be?" Cas laughed.

He thought about where he'd like to be. His mind started piecing together a scene where Dean was sitting with him somewhere they could be alone, things could get heated, he stopped his mind going further. Smiling he packed up his things and headed out for school.

Midway, his phone started to ring, he knew who it was before he even looked at the name.

"Hey Balth." He said.

"Cassie! I have a favor to ask," he was saying brightly.

"Balth, come on, it's not even eight a.m." He grumbled.

"Someone didn't get their morning coffee,"

Balthazar mocked, "just hear me out. Look,  only here for a few more days, can we just...can we just have a few days? With just us? I get you like Dean but...just a couple days?"

"I don't know..." Castiel said, he was torn. Hanging out with Balthazar could repair their friendship, and Dean said it was fine if he needed some space."

"Please, Cassie" Balth asked, "we can do anything you want. I won't say a word if you don't want me to."

He considered it for a moment, "Balth. I'll call you after school. I...I kind of made plans for next week."

"With Dean? Cassie, he's always around, it's been two years!!" Said Balthazar, frustrated.

"I'll call you." Cas said and hung up. He was too emotionally drained to over think anything today.

"Cassieeee!" A voice was cooing. He turned around to see Charlie running towards him, she gripped him tightly around the neck in a large hug. "Look at you, you dawg!!!"

"Oh my god, Charlie, that should not be in your dictionary." Cas teased.

"Not the point, sooooo how good is Dean?" She asked, nearly bouncing up and down.

"Charlieeee," he whined, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, Dean loved it." She said like it was old news.

"What? When?" Cas asked promptly.

"Let's just say he called me in a very good mood last night." She smiled at him.

Cas felt his face start to rise with color and looked away from his friend. All the way up to the doors he ignored her taunts. He started to laugh when she was too busy teasing him that she ran into a door. Punching him  lightly she told him she'd meet him in first period. With a waved he turned to head to the bathroom before the bell rang. He'd almost reached the door when he saw Dean walking down the hall with Sam. Dean spotted him and smiled, Sam, who had been talking to Dean, looked up and smiled as well. Feeling obligated he stopped and waited for the two. Surprisingly Sam kept walking and Dean stopped.

"Hey," he said and looked briefly from Cas' mouth back to his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that," Cas said and pushed him a little.

"Can't help it." Dean said crossing his heart.

Without thinking he gave Dean a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. He began to apologize when Dean kissed him back properly. Cas knew he had two options, miss class and make out with Dean behind the gym or leave Dean in the hallway to tease him.

"I have class," he said, feeling responsible and thinking mildly of Balthazar's request.

"It's all school with you," Dean laughed, but let him walk away, "Cas!" He said quickly and grabbed his wrist. Dean spun him around and kissed him again.

The halls were mostly empty now and Cas pushed Dean against the nearest set of lockers. Dean was already breathless, smiling at this reaction, he grabbed hold of Dean's belt loops and pulled them toward him. Once flush, he gave the most innocent of kisses on Dean's mouth.

"That...that is not fair," Dean said.

Cas was close enough that he could count the freckles on his nose. Grinning he pulled away from Dean, "I said I needed time." He said half hearted.

"Oh come on," Dean said with a fake pout, "we both know you loved that."

Cas almost responded when the hall monitor broke them up.

"Alright, get to class," he said in a tired voice.

"Ah, come on, Chuck." Dean laughed, " you love escorting me to class."

"Ha ha." Chuck said unamused.

Regardless, Cas waved goodbye and set off for drawing. It dawned on him that he'd been late to most of his classes in the last week. Thankfully, the teachers didn't seem to care. They, as well as the students, were excited to have a long weekend and a break from school.

He sat down next to Charlie in drawing and couldn't help but smile. He saw she was about to tease him and spoke first, "Yes, I kissed him in the hall. No, we are not officially a couple. And yes. I think he is cuter than you."

Charlie practically squealed, “Cassie!!!!!” She clapped him on the shoulder. “Sooooo, when you boys goin out?”

“Charlie,” Cas said again, “I told you, there is a lot we have to talk about still...I’m...I’m worried it will be too complicated.”

Charlie looked at him doubtfully, “Come on now, one of us has to be getting some.”

“Also, I kind of have a problem.” Castiel said, cringing, because he knew her reaction.

“Spill.” She said and folded her arms.

“It’s not a big deal…” Cas tried to sound unconcerned, “Balthazar invited me to hang out with him next week.”

“No damn way.” Charlie said, “You, literally, cannot. Do that. To Dean.”

“But if I just talk to him first!!” Cas argued.

Charlie grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him towards her. “Cas, I have never seen Dean like this. He’s fucking, happy.”

“So your plan is to guilt trip me into staying.” Cas said with a raised brow.

“If that’s what it takes!” She almost shouted.

“Oh kay, I’ll talk to him.” He said pushing up his glasses and turning back to his art. He could feel her gaze still on him but he was doing his best to ignore it. “Please,” Cas said to his paper but knew she was watching, “Don’t.”

“Fine.” Charlie grumbled and started making rash and dark marks on her own piece.

The rest of the hour was unpleasant, a few students, like becky, were asking him questions about Dean. Charlie was determined to ignore him until he agreed with her point of view. By the time the bell rang he was sure he was going to carve out his eyes with his charcoal.

Charlie took off before he even finished cleaning up, which left a hoard of girls giggling around him. He got away by walking into the men’s restroom. Back first he tripped on someone.

“Come here often?” Dean asked.

“How the hell.” Cas said, shocked.

“I know.” Dean nodded, helping Cas up, “It’s like a stupid romance novel.”

Cas snorted, “Some novel, I just put my hand in something wet and I swear if it’s not water I might throw up.”Dean laughed as Cas ran to the sink, “What are you doing in the bathroom anyway?” he asked.

“Oh, I had bio and decided to skip.” Dean shrugged, “Sammy can help me with it, he’s already taken the class. You?”

“The crazy band of girls that decided they wanted to have a gay best friend.” Cas scoffed, “While you’re here...I gotta talk to you.”

“Can’t we just make out instead?” Dean grinned.

“No,” Cas shook his head, “serious talk.”

“Ugh,” Dean groaned, “this is a romance novel.”

“You speak an awful lot about romance novels and chick flicks. Makes me wonder how many you actually watch and/or read for your own enjoyment.” Cas laughed. He ignored the rising color in Dean’s face and pushed the conversation on, “For real, will you meet me by the tree near the baseball diamond during lunch?”

“Will do.” Dean said, “Now, kissing?”

Castiel smirked, walked  up to him and stared into Dean’s eyes, he took a deep breath then said, “No.” Laughing as he left the bathroom he came face to face with Charlie. “Oh come on!” He argued to the universe, “Look, me and Dean are cool.” At which point Dean meandered out.

“Oh, hey Charlie.” He greeted normally.

“I’m watching you Novak.” Charlie said and gave him a stare down.

“What’s she talkin about?” Dean asked him.

“Maybe...maybe we should talk about it now.” He looked at Dean’s smiling face and wondered how true Charlie’s words were that he made the other happy. “What class do you have next.”

“Weights.” Dean shrugged.

“Great. I have ceramics, and I suck at it. Let’s go.” Cas decided and set off for the back doors.

He felt nervous as they got closer to the secluded tree, it was such a different feeling than he’d had that morning and he wished he could go back and just live in those first five minutes he was awake and everything wasn’t confusing. He curled his legs up and held onto them tight.

“Cas?” Dean said, a tone of worry in his voice,”you gonna tell me what’s going on.”

“Dean I like you.” Cas said bluntly, he saw Dean’s freckled face color but went on, “I know that should have been sort of obvious since we’ve been….doing whatever this is. But I’m having a mild panic attack.”

“Why?” Dean asked, now really lost.

“Dean, your dad? I worry about what he’ll do if he found out. I’m worried about what will happen to us if we are a couple at school. I worry that I’m just this fluke that you realize was just a new shiny toy and that you don’t actually want around. I worry that I’ll ruin anything we have together because I’m so paranoid. I worry I’ll screw it up because I have low self esteem and will just cling to anyone who shows me even the smallest bit of attention.” He was out of breath now and looking at Dean, scared for his reaction.

“Cas.” Dean said quietly, “You worry too much. But I see your point. Why don’t….why don’t we....why don’t we put... us... on hold. I don’t think any of those things to be honest. I guess I’m more of a act on impulse kind of guy, but I think we could make it work.”

Cas ran his hands through his hair, “Dean. I can’t...I can’t just be someone’s part time boyfriend. If we start something, then we are going to go all out, but the whole on and off again thing, I can’t do it.”

“Balthazar?” Dean asked, looking at his toes.

“Yeah.” Cas said, “Maybe...maybe I’m just. I’m not ready for anything serious right now, and I don’t do the in between stuff.”

“You keep saying, ‘maybe this’ ‘maybe that.’ God Cas it’s like you’ve already decided but you just don’t want to say anything because it’ll hurt my damn feelings. Well shit, Cas, who says my feelings are even worth anything.” Dean said angrily.

“Why are you angry?” Cas said, surprised at his mood change.

“Why don’t you just go ahead and go. You know, actually, I’m the one that’s gonna leave this time. Cas. I like you. I may even have some deeper feelings but hell, I’m not gonna try hard for a relationship that you deem is just gonna fall apart.” Dean said folding his arms.

“That’s not fair,” Cas said, standing up as well, “You have no idea what I went through.”

“I could say the same!” Dean pointed out.

“Oh, poor popular Dean. Girls throwing themselves at you, Gosh, I wonder which one I should sleep with.” Cas knew he hit a nerve before he even finished his sentence. He saw Dean’s eyes water.

“Y-you know what.” Dean tried, “I-I, fuck. Cas.I know you’re making me angry on purpose, and I get why. It’s easier to be angry at someone than to actually face emotions. Don’t.” He said seeing that Cas tried to cut in, “I don’t know much. I’m not all that smart, I’m not all that popular, I’m not top of class, I’m not the best brother, I’m not the best son, but god damn. If I know anything it’s anger.”

Cas tried to think of something to say, but knew that his friend was right. If Dean was angry with him it would be a million times easier to say ‘yes’ to a week with Balthazar. It would be a million times easier to walk away from Dean knowing he wouldn’t kiss him again. “Dean.” He said softly.

“Don’t. Cas, go do whatever the hell it is you’re going to do with your life.” Dean said frustrated, “I’m done, come find me when you figure it out.” He left with his hands in surrender and headed back into the building alone.

His mind was screaming at him to go catch up to him and apologize but his feet were stuck to the ground. He couldn’t bring himself to. He watched Dean’s figure go back into the school then pulled out his phone. “Balthazar? I’ll come with you next week.”


	23. Chapter 23

Dean felt his throat close up. His eyes were watering but he didn't want them to fall. ' _Cas didn't want me,'_ he thought bitterly, ' _but not that I blame him. The fuck up that I am, God, I'd be running back to my ex too.'_

Dean walked back into the building, not wanting to go home, he decided he’d go find Charlie or Jo and get his mind off Cas. ‘ _What the hell was I thinking’,_ he thought sadly, _‘Me? In a happy relationship, god, good one Dean.’_ Lost in his thoughts he bumped into someone.

“Sorry,” He said without looking up.

“Watch it.” the kid said back.

Dean looked up to see Roman, “What the hell do you want? I said I was sorry.”

“That’s a good question, Winchester, see I don’t know if I should beat you up or make you suck my dick. Seeing that you’re gay now.” Roman said smugly.

“Look, asshat. You talk an awful lot about dicks for a straight dude. Besides, your first name is Dick right? Looks like you can go ahead and fuck yourself then.” Dean said too tired to fight him.

“What did you say to me?” Roman asked furiously.

“I said. You’re a Dick. And. You. Can. Go. Fuck. Yourself.” Dean said annunciating each word.

Dean found himself shoved against a locker for the second time that day. This time however he was trying to move his face away from the fist coming towards it. He did fairly well until he tried saying a snarky remark and got hit dead on the nose.

Annoyed, he pushed Dick back, kneed him in the groin, and then punched his face.

“Dean!” Chuck shouted.

“You’re lucky this time.” Dean said, fixing his shirt and checking his nose for blood.

“Principal’s office, both of you.” Chuck said wearily.

Holding all his restraint from kicking the other boy’s ass on the way, Dean held his hand in his pockets, balled in fists. After a long, typical, and all over cliche speech from the principal, Dean went back into the hall and found he was nervous for what was awaiting him at home. Inevitably, the principal would call his Dad.

He sighed, his bruises were just fading, ‘ _thank god there’s no school next week.’_ he thought and touched the yellowing bruise on his forehead and went into the bathroom to check what damage Roman had done to his nose.

All in all it wasn’t that bad. It had only bled for a couple minutes. ‘ _Kid can’t punch at all.’_ Dean mused, taking note for the next time he had to kick his ass. Returning to his task of finding Charlie proved more difficult than he thought, he poked his head into three different rooms until he found Charlie.

She was talking to a girl he didn’t know, even from the distance he could tell she was trying to flirt.

“Pssst.” he said in a loud whisper, “Charlie.”

She looked up, “One mo, Deano.” she winked at the girl she was talking to then met him out in the hall. Taking a look at she bursted,”Dear god. Dean. What happened?”

“Whadda mean?” He asked, his voice breaking a little.

“Cafeteria, now, we need food.” Charlie said and grabbed his hand pulling him along.

He figured he must look like hell if she was dragging him along for food. He was about to argue with her and say that lunch was over when the lunch lady waved to her and started making them each a plate of food.

“How the hell do you have these connections?” He asked surprised.

“Girl gotta know the hook ups.” She shrugged then thanked the lunch lady. They brought their food to the corner of the room away from others that were walking by, where she drilled him on what happened. He gave her a summary not wanting to relive what happened with Cas fully.

“It’s no biggie.” he said with a shrug.

“Dean,” Charlie said, wanting him to look her in the eye, “It is okay to not be okay. I’ll back off the topic if you can tell me that you’re truly okay.”

Dean looked at her, “I am fine.” he said looking in her eyes, he noted that his voice shook a bit but he hoped she didn’t notice.

“False.” She said, “We’ll talk about his later though. Class is getting out soon and I don’t think you want to spread the new further than it’s going to.”

Dean looked up to see the hallways slowly gaining more people. “You’re right.”

“Damn straight, I am.” She said, “Well. about this anyway.”

Dean laughed for the first time since they started talking, _‘this is just a dumb school crush,’_ he told himself, ‘ _I’ll just go back to life, and Cas will go on with his...and I’ll just...put this all behind me.’_

“Want me to come over today?” Charlie asked, bringing him back to reality.

“Nah,” Dean told her, “my dad is going to be home tonight and uh, I got sent to the principal’s office. So that will be a fun conversation.”

“What are you gonna do about work?” She asked seriously.

“Wadda mean?”

“Well. I know Bobby is old but I think he’ll notice your messed up face.” Charlie said blankly.

“Fuck,” Dean sighed, “I guess...I’ll have to call in for a few days. Or! I could have Jo come over and do my make up again.”

“Again?” Charlie said with a smile, “Oh Deanie.”

“Shuddup.” He told her, “I’ll keep you posted though. Snapchats of the whole thing. Believe it or not, I get even prettier.”

“Mmhmm. What do you got next?” Charlie asked.

“Ugh. English.” Dean groaned, “I’ll just skip it.”

Charlie folded her arms, “What happened to getting your grades up?”

"Well.” Dean said pursing his lips, “I’m not failing anymore. Riding that C average.”

“Fine,” Charlie sighed, “I’ll call you tomorrow okay?” Dean smiled at her, “I’ll answer. Promise.”

Before he left the property he sent Sammy a quick text, within seconds Sam texted back saying he was going to hang out with Jess anyway. ‘ _I knew he would totally click with her. Dork.’_ he thought and took his time going home.

He made sure his dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway when he got home, grabbed some food supplies from the kitchen then holed up in his room waiting for what was coming later.

Mindlessly he watched Netflix flipping between shows and movies. Upon figuring out what to put on next he heard the car door slam outside. Hesitant, he looked out his window, sure enough John was home.

Surprisingly he didn't look upset. Not daring to get his hopes up he sat back on his bed and waited for what was coming. Every step or sound of movement from below made his heart jump. He wasn't sure how long he sat waiting, he only heard his heart beat ringing in his ears.

He was about to go see what was going on when there was a knock on his door. “Dean?” John said quietly.

“Uh, Yeah. Come in.” He said and picked up a book on his nightstand to make it look like he was reading.

"Got a call from your principal today..." His Father leaded.

"Look Dad," Dean hurried, "it wasn't a big deal. Wha-why are you laughing."

"Dean," John said calming down, "why I was your age I probably got in at least one fight a week. Keep up the work." He smiled at him then left the room.

"What the hell." Dean said when his dad left. Relief flooded him and for a couple minutes he was at peace. He was about to call Charlie the good new when he looked at his text messages. There was only one new one.

 **Cas** : Hello Dean, I wanted to apologize for today. I’ve been overwhelmed with a lot in my life right now. I also want to apologize because I can’t make our plans to watch Lord of the Rings. Balthazar invited me to his place for a week. I hope we can get back to our swing of things when I get back.

Dean didn’t know what to feel. ' _I’m not angry at Cas, he reasoned to himself, hell, I don’t even know how I really feel about him. Yeah, I liked kissing him….but if he doesn’t want to...there’s nothing I can do. Maybe I should text him back and tell him we’re cool…”_ UGH, why do I feel like we’re not?!”

Fed up with thinking he took a hot shower and let the water wash his worries away. In the end he couldn’t bring himself to text Cas back. He’d just talk to him when he returned, it was only seven days.

“Dean?!” Sam was yelling downstairs, “Are you home?!”

“Where else would I be!!!?” Dean yelled back rolling his eyes.

“Oh, I don’t know! Kissing your boyfriend.”

He didn’t yell back. A lump in his throat, he forgot he hadn’t told Sammy what happened at school and if Cas left school too there would be no one that knew to tell him. He made his ways to the stairs and sat on the top step.

“Sammy.” Dean said looking at his hands and not his brother.

“What the hell did you do?” Sam asked.

“Fuck off.” Dean said annoyed, “He’s the one that ended it.”

There was a long silence between them. Dean felt the hollow feeling come back in his gut and wondered why. “This is so dumb,” Dean laughed, but his voice cracked, “I barely know him.”

Sam came and sat next to him on the stairs, “What happened to your face?” Sam asked.

“That asshole Dick Roman.” Dean explained rolling his eyes, “Ha, Dad’s not even mad either, he’s fuckin proud. What the hell. What..the hell is my life.”

"You wanna order pizza?" Sam asked quietly. "Nah, I think I'm gonna go talk to Jo." Dean said with a sigh, "thank you, Sammy. Sorry I've been preoccupied with shit in my life. How are you and Jess?"

Sam blushed and turned away from him, "We're good. I still can't believe she agreed to be my girlfriend...but, I think I love her."

"That's my boy." Dean said smiling, truly happy for his brother. "I'm glad you're happy."

"Well, now that I'm happy we gotta work on you." Sam said, "I'm sorry about Cas. You guys are still friends, right?"

"Uhh. I don't know Sam. We'll see. He's gone for a week." Dean told him, feeling self conscious, he didn't want to tell his brother he hadn't answered a text from Cas.

"Sam!" John boomed from the kitchen.

"I forgot to do the dishes," Sam shrugged, "better leave while he's happy with you."

"I can stay," Dean offered.

"Nah, Dad never does anything to me." Sam waved him off, "Well, nothing physical anyway."

Dean nodded knowingly. John would never hurt Sam or Dean would step in. Not to mention if he ever did Dean would fight him. There was no reason both boys should be subjugated to violence.

"I'll be back around midnight." Dean promised, "Knowing him, he'll be gone again before then." Sam was smiling at him.

"Be safe, Dean."

Creeping out of the house he got in Baby and drove to the Harvelle's bar. Stepping out he smiled at the flickering lights of the sign, "The Roadhouse." It read in a dull red with a few letters out.

Over the years it had become his second home. He walked in and took in the familiar scent of alcohol and cigarette smoke. He made his way to the bar and found Jo handing out drinks.

"Can I get a whiskey?" He asked with a smirk. While Ellen would give him the occasional beer, she always refused to give him anything heavier than wine.

"Damn." Jo said, "musta been a rough day. Gimme a minute I'll sneak you some after I get these drinks out."

"Thanks," Dean said heartily. He watched the scenarios going on around him. A couple at the bar, a few seats down, looked like they were surgically attached at the mouth. A few bikers were playing pool, a group of kids far too young to be there were getting their asses handed to them at poker.

"Here," Jo said, sliding him a glass. "I know it looks girly but I threw a hella lotta vodka in there for ya."

"God, you know me so well." Dean praised.

"Sooo. Cas dumped your ass." Jo said cleaning out a glass.

"He can't dump me if we never dated." Dean argued.

"Oh. Then tell me Deano." Jo said looking him in the eye. "Do you, or do you not feel like shit."

"I had a crush, Joanna," Dean said, she always hated her name and he wanted to get back at her.

"Don't take your sorry ass out on me." She said with her arms up in surrender. "When you finish that I'll give you another. Now, I gotta go listen to over people's problems."

Dean wasn't exactly sure how many drinks he'd had. He knew Jo had given him three and he'd taken some beer from the tap knowing Ellen wouldn't mind. He felt sleepy and realized he should have eaten before. Sliding off his seat he saluted Jo on his way out.

He could tell he was too drunk to drive home. He looked back at the Roadhouse and knew that Ellen would never let anything happen to Baby. Tipsy, he headed home on foot, taking all the time in the world.

 _Y_ o _u don't need Cas_ , he told himself, _he's an ass, hahah he has a hot ass._ "Playas gon play play play, and the haters gon hate hate hate, da da da, shake it off." He started singing, he couldn't remember where he'd heard the song, but couldn't think of why it even mattered. Suddenly he tripped, and fell into a pile of bark.

"The fuck?" He wondered and sat up. Waiting for the world to stop he found he was at the park by his house.

Shrugging he went over to the swings and sat. "Not like someone's waiting for me at home." He mused. He attempted to swing but found himself on the ground after a few minutes.

"You okay?" Someone said from the sidewalk.

Dean looked up but didn't recognize the person, "Yeah!" He said like it was no big deal he'd just fallen flat on his face.

"You drunk?" The voice said again.

Dean laughed, "Yeah!" In what seemed like the span of two seconds the person was helping him up. Dean looked at him and squinted, trying to focus. "You're pretty." He said and laughed again.

"Well thanks," the boy said back, "nothin like a drunk gay who thinks you're pretty."

"I'm not gay," Dean retorted, "I'm bisexual. Hahah, you could say I'm gay sometimes. The occasional gay." The guy was smiling at him now, he decided he liked that smile.

"Alright, Mr. Bisexual. What's your name?" He asked trying not to laugh.

"Mr.?" Dean giggled, "I'm eighteen dude. Oh. Dean. Dean, my name."

"Well, Dean." He said, "My name is Cole, can I walk you home?"

"Coal? Like the stuff you put on a fire?" Dean asked, ' _why would you name your kid that?'_ He wondered, "Oh, I get it. It's cuz you're hot. Like fire. Nailed it."

"Which way is home, Dean?" Cole asked, trying hard not to laugh.

"Real close, Uhhh. There is a gray house like, 20 feet thataway." He said confidently, and pointed down the street.

"Awesome," Cole said and dragged Dean along with him, "can I call someone to come outside and get you?"

"Sammy!" Dean answered, "he's my brother, my lil brother, gots to look out for that one." He dug his phone out of his pocket and tried to get the names on there, but couldn't tell them apart, "Too many, words. Here. Find Sammy." Dean said, handing the stranger his phone.

"Sammy?" Cole said after a moment on his phone, "yeah, I've got him outside your house. Hope I didn't wake you. Oh, Cole. I found him at the park. Haha, yeah, I'll wait." He hung up then looked at Dean.

Dean was smiling at him, "You're a good person, Coal fire."

"Dean," Cole said with a smile, "Sammy is gonna come outside and get you, but, when you're hungover tomorrow, call me. I programed my number in your phone."

"That's crazy." Dean said shaking his head, "Why would you do that?"

"Because," Cole laughed, "I think you're very hot too. But I like my first dates to be sober."

"Oh," Dean nodded, "I get it. Second date, we'll get smashed."

"Dean?!" Sammy was walking to them. "It's Sammy!! Coal, dude. This is my brother. I love him, best. Brother. Ever. Hi Sammy." Dean said brightly. "This is Coal, like the stuff you put on a fire, hahah, cuz he's hot. Geddit?"

"Thanks Cole," Sam said.

"No worries, 'night Dean. Good to meet you Sam." Cole said with a smile.

Suddenly Dean was in his bed, "Sammy?" He asked the figure tucking him in bed.

"Yes," Sam said.

"You don't sound happy." Dean smirked.

"Dean. I'm not having this argument when you're not going to remember it. Night." Sam said sharply and left the room.

Dean mimicked Sam's speech in a high pitched voice, then his phone vibrated, scaring him a little. He blinked at the message which eventually came into view.

 **Cole** : Text me tomorrow.

"Ohhhh." He said aloud. "Cole."

Then knew no more.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

The morning sun was horrible. Annoyed he climbed up to close the blinds and try to shut out the unwanted light. He groaned at the headache pounding in his ears. It had been a long time since he'd gotten that drunk. He squinted at his room. The clock told him it was just after ten. He wondered briefly what time he'd gotten home.

Mustering all his strength he got up and made his way to the bathroom. Clumsily he did his morning business and winced at his reflection in the mirror. He looked as shitty as he felt. Closing his eyes he tries to remember the night before.

"Dean." Sam said outside the door.

"Oh yeah," he said aloud, "Sammy is pissed." He opened the door slowly trying to smile at his brother like nothing was wrong, "mornin'" he grinned.

"We need to talk." Sam said, and went downstairs.

Sighing he took extra time showering off the smell of day old booze, brushing his teeth, and choosing an outfit. Nearing an hour later he sat down in the living room waiting for Sam to yell at him, but no yelling came.

"Dean," Sam sighed, "tell me what's going on"

"Waddya mean?" Dean said.

"Dean, we used to talk about everything and now it seems like you don't even wanna share your life with me. We're in this shit life together and you're all I've got." Sam said, sounding hurt.

"Dude, no chick-" Dean started.

"No. No Dean, dammit. One week you're happy the next you're depressed, then just when I think you're okay I get to wake up to a call at 3 a.m. from some stranger who found you on the side of the road."

"Sam... I don't know." Dean said tired. "I decided I'm just not gonna be in relationships anymore. I mean, they're great for people like you, but I'm not cut out for that."

"That's bullshit." Sam said grumpily. "Just Cas is an ass who dumped you doesn't mean you aren't right for anyone."

"How did you..." Dean began to asked. "Charlie called me worried this morning." Sam told him.

"Oh." Dean nodded.

"Who is Cole?" Sam asked, now looking very confused.

"Cole?" Dean asked back, now really confused.

"The guy who brought you home?" Sam clarified.

"Yeah. No idea. I think he found me at the park." Dean said thinking about the blurs of the night before. "I'm sorry I scared you Sam. What if I take you driving to make up for it?"

Sam smiled softly, "Kay, lemme get a jacket."

Sam glared at Dean the entire walk to the Roadhouse to pick up Baby. He tried to argue that it was a good thing he didn't drive himself. This was a fair point, because it shut Sam up very quickly.

Two minutes into the drive Dean regretted this decision. "No, Sam. Not in my car." Dean said with gritted teeth.

"As I recall, "driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cake hole." Now. Let's blast this so all the neighbors can watch."

_Cause the players gonna play, play, play_

_And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate_

_Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake_

_Shake it off_

_Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break_

_And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake_

_Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake Shake it off, Shake it off_

"Sam. For the love of all that is good and well in the world shut this off." Dean was begging now.

"You weren't so opposed to it last night," Sam chortled, "you were singing it to me, to your new eye candy, and yourself in the mirror."

"Oh god." Dean groaned, as bits and pieces came back, confirming Sam's story. Sam began laughing so hard that he no longer made any noise.

"Oh Kay!!! Can we turn it off. Please?" Dean tried his best puppy eyes, knowing they weren't as good as his brother's.

"Fine," Sam said still out of breath, "let's go home."

"Oh thank god." Dean sighed. Sam pulled up to their house, parking her perfectly; which he'd never admit, getting out of the car he felt his pocket vibrate.

 **Cole** : I'm guessing you're hungover. If you're up for it tonight, I was thinking we could get dinner? I could learn more about you. Things other than your love for Tswift or ya know. Maybe your last name?

Dean smiled and tried to hide it from Sam who was eyeing him suspiciously. Tucking his phone back he set off for the front door whistling and avoiding all contact from his brother. Alone, he sat on his bed and answered.

 **Dean** : So you are charmed by drunk gay men? ;) Dinner would be awesome...but I don't have money for it.

 **Cole** : It's a date. You don't have to pay a dime.

 **Dean** : Winchester.

 **Cole** : ???

 **Dean** : it's my last name. Tell me, how old are you Cole? You could be some 45 yr old creep.

 **Cole** : I knew my haircut was short but was it that bad D: but never fear. I'm 21.

 **Dean** : Oh good you can buy me booze

 **Cole** : I think you had more than enough yesterday. What if we just go get a burger?

 **Dean** : Sounds perfect.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a short chapter. sometimes explanations are left short.

"Cassie?" Balth whispered in his ear, "we landed, wanna wake up?"

"No," Castiel murmured but opened one eye to look at his friend.

"Trust me, It's going to be a fun day."

Castiel did wish he could trust him,  begrudgingly he sat up and looked out the window of the plane. They seemed to be somewhere coastal because of the amounts of palm trees that draped the countryside.

"I thought we were going to your parent's house?" Cas asked confused.

“Well, technically, this is one of their houses. Welcome to California!” Balthazar exclaimed and rubbed the top of his head.

“Was it really necessary to take me out of state?” Castiel asked with a smile.

“No,” Balthazar shrugged, “but you’re on vacation right? May as well go all out.”

Castiel laughed, he felt a little better about his decision to come. _Maybe all I needed was a little bit of space, besides, I’m sure Dean will find something to do over fall break._ "So, what's the agenda?"

"Whatever the hell we want." Balthazar beamed.

Castiel thought for a moment, it was truly the first time he'd been anywhere without someone he had to report back to or check up on. Maybe his friend was right, maybe he just needed some time away from the chaos in his life. "The ocean. I want to see the ocean."

“As you wish,” Balth said.

“Okay, now who’s the cheeseball?” Cas asked.

“Can’t help it.” Balth smiled with hands in surrender.

The boys wandered the coastal city, they walked up and down every street they fancied; they happened across an old books store that sold new and old books alike, a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant, a store that sold homemade blown glass, and a store that sold old watches. Balth tried to buy him an old pocket watch that had multiple initials carved in it, but Castiel refused. He didn’t even want to think about how much the trip was costing in the first place. He knew that Balth’s family was well off but still didn’t like to be treated like a charity case. After what was surely hours, they found themselves at the beach. Inhaling the sea air, Cas closed his eyes. It smelled fresh, salty,  and faintly of something he couldn’t place. Rather than swim they walked along the shoreline, letting their feet get buried in the soft sand and cool waves.

“Cas?” Balthazar asked as the sun was going down, “I know...I know what I did was horrible, and I know that there isn’t anything in this world that I could do to make it up to you, but I would like to see if we could...I dunno, work something out...between us.”

“Balth.” Cas said in a tired voice, “I don’t. I don’t think I can.”

“Is it Dean?” Balthazar asked with a hint of spite in his voice.

“Oh, come on, why on earth would it be Dean?”

“I’ve seen the way he watches you.”

“You’re imagining things. Trust me.” Cas said with a laugh but couldn’t bring himself to explain what had happened right before he’d agreed to go on this trip. “Now, are we gonna dwell on your dumb jealousy issues or are gonna head back and find something to eat for dinner?”

“Your needy belly.” Balth said rolling his eyes, “Chinese?”

“Sounds perfect.”

The walk back to where’d they’d parked was quiet, neither spoke much, and when they did it was about a large waved that had crashed against a rock or something one of them had stepped on. Cas tried to bring himself out of his head and try to talk to his friend more. After all, he’d just flown him out the state and was essentially paying for the entire trip. The more he tried to concentrate on what Balthazar had said the more he could feel himself zone out and think about who he’d left behind. Every once and awhile, when Balth wasn’t in the room or when he could tell his friend was on a long ramble, Cas pulled out his phone to check to see if Dean had texted or called. _What are you thinkin’, twelve hours and you think he’s going to come begging?_ Cas thought, _I’m sure….I’m sure he’ll say something, he just needs a few days to come around._ Feigning attention back to reality he smiled and continued eating his dinner like he was anxious free. His friend seemed to buy it because by the time they’d made it to Balth’s parents summer house, he’d brought back his earlier concerns about their relationship.

“Balth.” Cas said firmly, sitting on a large sofa in the main room, “I appreciate all you’ve done for me today, and I think we’re on a steady track to be the best of friends again but I do not. Hear that? Do not. Want to start anything with you. I love you. Always have, but I’m not gonna put myself through all that shit again.”

“Was it really that bad?” Balth said, jokingly but Cas knew he meant it. He sat next to Cas but just far enough away to look aloof about the situation.

“Balth. You cheated on me. You let someone else get close to you the way I was. That tells me that you let me out of your mind and someone else in. I don’t want to become someone else’s replacement.”

“God, Cassie, I make one mistake and I’m on trial for life?”

“No, no if it was for life you and I wouldn’t even be speaking right now.” Cas said defensively.

“Well, I guess I’m a lucky ducky duck. Cassie, please, one chance. Let me prove I’m serious.”

Castiel sighed, he knew that Balthazar was sorry but couldn’t bring himself to be okay with it. He thought briefly about the advice he’d gotten from Dean and from Missouri, “This week, Balth, you have this week.”

“I will prove it, Cassie, I promise.” Balth said humbly and embraced him.

Cas felt a soft kiss pressed on his cheek and wondered for a moment if he’d just made either a wise decision or a really stupid one. Desparate to get himself out of his head he suggested they watch a movie. Nearly half an hour later, they were watching Hitch. Balthazar kept protesting and suggesting their first movie probably shouldn’t be a cheesy romance but Cas defended that it was his week of freedom and he was going to do whatever he wanted regardless if Balthazar was there.

“You’re killing me.” Balth said in defeat and rested his head on Cas’ shoulder.

Castiel laughed and put a tentative kiss on Balth’s head, he felt his friend relax against him. Maybe this won’t be so bad. Cas mused, loving the feeling of someone keeping space with him. Halfway through the movie he felt his eyes droop and tried to get up and make it to one of the rooms to sleep but found he was too exhausted to even make this minimal amount of effort. Like him, Balth had fallen asleep with legs curled up and resting on him. He chuckled at the lax expression on his friend’s face where a small amount of drool was dripping. He rested his head back down and closed his eyes, hoping tomorrow he’d feel differently about his choices, _maybe tomorrow,_ he convinced himself, _I’ll get over this and be able to move forward._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

One more week, _Cas thought excitedly,_ one week and Balth will be back. _he repeated this mantra in his head all day at school. Since Balthazar had left his peers hadn’t been too keen to have him around. Many who had glared at him with Balth around were now cursing him when he walked by or sat down in a class next to him. Teacher’s were tricky, most were supportive but wouldn’t do anything to those who weren’t, faculty or student alike. Those who were verbally abusive before were now physically abusive as well. More often than not, Cas found himself pushed into a doorway or a garbage can at least three times a day. Gym was by far the worst, no one wanted to be on a team with the queer let alone change in the same room as him. A couple weeks ago he thought he’d found a friend with someone from his biology class but he was back to square one this week when he’d tried to be friendly and his ‘friend’ brushed him off and ran down the hall like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs. He was sure it was the bullies in his History class who had ruined it. They’d been picking on him for talking to a queer, and therefore was treated just as Castiel was._

 _He sighed inwardly, some days were more difficult than others. He had refused from the beginning to involve his mom into the issue. She had more pressing things to think about than her friendless son.  The day was better than expected though. No one said a word to him all through Team Sports, which in some ways was an improvement but left him far too much time in his own mind. When the final bell rang he felt almost happy he’d only been pushed into only walls today. Halfway home, he heard a group of students his age behind him. They seemed to be laughing heartily at something but every time he turned his head around the group would proceed to look away from him and try to hid their smiles._ _He rolled his eyes, sighing_ , one more week, _he told himself again._

_“Hey gay boy.” One called eventually._

_Castiel didn’t stop walking and ignored them completely. There wasn’t much he could do at school to avoided but as they were off the property he felt like rising to their question was opening the door for them to bother him outside of school hours as well._

_“He’s talking to you.” Another said, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around._

_Castiel stumbled, and held onto the boy’s arm to steady himself. Still, he said nothing and looked at the boys with a bored look on his face._

_“Aw, I dunno boys, I don’t think we can tease this one, he just looks bored…” chimed in another, “maybe...maybe we should teach him some respect.”_

_Castiel was confused, but only for half a second, the next, the boy had punched him in the nose. Taken more aback by the shock he tripped again and fell onto the sidewalk. He reached a hand up to his face and felt the blood start to trickle down. “Was that really necessary?” He asked, still sounding bored but was worried internally._

_“Hear that?” The boy laughed, “He wants more.”_

_He closed his eyes and turned his face away not wanting to look at the fist coming for his face, but it didn’t come.  Opening one eyes he looked up at the boy above him. His arm was being held back by another._

_“The hell are you doing?” It was Dean. Cas watched fully now as Dean shoved the bully away. “I see private school assholes are now picking on other private school assholes? God, I thought you guys were supposed to be I dunno “A higher expectation” or some shit for students.” Dean stood defensively over him and crossed his arms. “Now, I ain’t much of a good student but damn does public school teach you to kick some ass. So move out before I show you what a real beating looks like.”_

_A few from his school tried to laugh it off they weren’t just trying to beat him up, the rest looked at Dean with disgust then at Castiel wondering if it was worth the fight. Apparently it wasn’t because within seconds the group dispersed._

_“You alright kid?” Dean asked turning around to him._

_“Er. Yeah. Thanks.” Castiel muttered and got himself to his feet before the other could help him up._

_“Kinda glad my dad can’t afford me to that damn school of yours. I’d be kickin a lot of people’s asses.” Dean laughed._

_“You curse a lot.” Cas commented._

_Dean shrugged, “Like father like son. You alright? " He checked Castiel quickly over with his eyes, "Good. Catch ya later man. Oh, next time. Just kick em in the nuts. It’s a low blow but damn it works. Later.”_

_Just as quick as he’d appeared, Dean left with his hand raised in the air as he walked away with a silent goodbye. Castiel had mixed emotions, on the one hand, Dean was all in all a good person still, on the other, he seemed to have any sort of recognition of who he was. Sighing, he touched his nose one more time to assess the damage then wandered back home. With any luck his mother was still out at work and he could clean himself up away from her prying eyes._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love the comments lovelies. Makes me want to keep writing. Also, makes me feel like I'm talking to people not numbers.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cute, and sad. have fun :)

“Deeeeeeeeean.” Sammy was pounding on the bathroom door, “Sometime today would be fantastic.”

Dean examined his teeth in the mirror and ran his hands through his hair one more time. He didn’t know what he was so nervous about. It’s not like he’d never been on a date before, and yet he still felt like he was missing something. He double checked that he had his phone, keys, extra cash, then opened the door to Sam. “There ya go, goodness Sammy, try not to spend so much time in the bathroom.”

“You’re impossible,” Sam said and shut the door in a hurry.

Dean laughed and found his way to the kitchen to find a poptart he knew he’d left somewhere in the pantry. He heard a car rumble up to the driveway, quickly he went to get a look at Cole before he reached the door....but it wasn’t Cole. “Dad?” He asked himself, his voice catching in his throat. “Fuckity fuck fuck.” Panicking he checked his phone, 4:53, “Shit.” There was only a few minutes until his date, his male date, was supposed to show up. “Shit, shit, shit, shit. Sammy!!”  He ran up the stairs two at a time, “Saaaaam!”

“Dear lord,” Sam whined from inside the bathroom, “You were in here like two minutes ago, I think your bladder can make it to the theater at least!”

“Dad’s home, you shit.” Dean grumbled.

“Shit!” Sam yelled and opened the door, his brother was pulling his pants up still and fumbled with the button.

“First off, gross….second, okay there is no second.” Dean said turning his head.

“Just, uh, just go meet Cole on the corner and I’ll keep dad distracted, give him some dumb excuse.”

“Boys!” John was calling as he walked in the door.

Dean met eyes with his brother in a silent thank you, gave him a half smile and raced to his room to crawl out his bedroom window. He'd made it just off his property when Cole pulled up in a Jeep.

"Already ditchin out on me?" Cole asked pulling up next to him.

“Nope,” Dean grinned at got in the car. He knew it was strange he didn’t explain why he was already outside but he didn’t care. He’d made it out of his house, and he was determined to have one evening without anything fucking it up.  “So, any particular burger joint we’re going to?”

“Uh, there’s this place I’ve wanted to stop by called the Road...something.”

“The Roadhouse? It’s like my second home, lets do it!”

In the back of his head he wondered if Ellen would say anything to his dad about their evening but shoved the idea back farther and tried to pay attention to what was going on. He asked Cole about his life and all the nonsense that was small talk, kicking himself he didn’t have anything better to say. Cole, however, was nice enough and answered all his questions politely, smiling the whole time. Dean was surprised at how comfortable he felt with Cole, it was definitely a different feeling then hanging out with Cas, but then again he wasn’t sure how he even felt about Cas. Seemed too rash to base one date on something that didn’t even count as a relationship. When they had ordered, Cole decided it was his turn for some questions.

“So...Dean. What’s a kid like you gettin piss ass drunk for anyway?”

“Ugh,” Dean groaned, “I swear that is not a usual thing for me. A few beers sure...but I was smashed...ha, sorry you had to see that.”

Cole chortled, “Nah, it was cute though.”

“Cute? I am a man.” Dean stated proudly.

“The two aren't mutually exclusive, promise.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean said with an eye roll.

“I am your elder...respect me.” Cole joked.

Dean waved him off, “If life has taught me anything it’s that respect is earned not just given. Besides, you’re the one totally cradle robbin so I dunno if I trust your judgement.”

“Ouch,” Cole feigned a pain to his chest, “two years isn’t really that long Deano.”

“Yeah? Then what would you tell your high school self?”

Cole thought for a moment, “Well, I’d tell myself to think more for myself. That your decisions today won’t define the rest of your life...and uh, make sure you take care of yourself before those around you.”

“Well damn,” Dean said with a grin, “see. Far more maturity than me.”

“Not so much maturity as much makin the same mistakes over and over again.”

The rest of their dinner went smoothly. He’d been worried they’d run out of things to talk about, that he’d say something dumb or that when Cole got to know him more he’d be bored by the stupid tales of a high school student. In fact, the night was the best he could’ve asked for. Not the smallest muscle was anxious and for the first time, in a long time, he felt he’d made a good choice. When they’d reached Dean’s house he did feel a bit awkward. The only guy he’d ever kissed was Cas and the first time was a total accident. He coughed to relieve some of the tension but Cole broke it.

“I’m not much of a kisser on the first date...so, uh, could we have a second...sometime?”

Dean smiled, “Yeah. I’d...I’d like that. “

“Awesome,” Cole mused, then gave him a brief hug.

Dean couldn’t help but smile when he came in the front door. His first actual date with a guy wasn’t so bad. _It has to be a good sign he wants to date me again right? Like, that means he’s into this. Oh god, what if he just said that so I’d feel good and he totally hated it. Nah, Dean, that’s stupid._ Lost in his mind he ran into the banister before the stairs.

“You been drinking again?” John grumbled from the sofa in the living room.

“No. No...I was just out with a friend.” Dean said casually. Course he’s still here, what was I thinking. Oh, that’s right. You weren’t.

“You gonna stand there all night?” John asked him.

“No, nope, I’m gonna go check on Sammy then I’m crashin...er, night.” Dean said quickly then ran up the stairs.

Shutting his bedroom door behind him he took a deep breath in then laughed it out. Sliding to the door he put his hands on his face, amused at how complicated his life had become in such a short amount of time.

“Soooooo.” Sammy said from Dean’s bed, “I’m guessing it went well.”

Dean jumped and slammed his head on the door behind him, rubbing it he asked, “What the hell!? Sam, why are you in here?”

“This is what siblings do right? Talk about their dates.” Sam shrugged. Sam turned his attention back to what he’d been doing before Dean stumbled in. He was flipping through the old photo albums that Missouri had let him borrow. Mentally, he told himself he had to return them soon. Surely she’d be missing them. “I think I know what happened in those two years Dean...I mean. I was only four so I really don’t know how clear my memory is..”

“You do?!” Dean asked almost yelling, realizing this he lowered his voice, “I mean. You do?”

Sam gave him an odd smiled then explained, “I don’t remember details, but I remember going to the hospital with Dad to see you.”

“When...and why was I in the hospital?” Dean wondered aloud.

“No idea.” Sam shrugged with a smile. “Night.”

“So you’re just gonna leave?” Dean questioned.

“Well yeah. Again. Night.”

Dean sat in the dark, when Sammy left, trying to fall asleep. He strained his memory to see what on earth had happened but nothing was coming. Angry at himself, he punched his pillow a few times to even it out, gave up, and fell asleep.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_"Dean?" Sammy was poking his face._

_"Sammy, it's still dark, go back to sleep." Dean whispered and turned over on his bed pulling the covers up over his face._

_"You okay?" Sam said quietly still poking him._

_He didn't like when Sammy knew Daddy was having a hard day. "Yeah, it doesn't hurt Sammy." He lied. He could feel his arms already starting to bruise, and the cut on his forehead that began to scab, tightening the skin around it, making his eyebrows twitch._

_"Okay Dean," Sammy said happily. "I'm gonna go to sleep now."_

_Dean listened to his brother leave his room and into his own. Once he was sure that Sammy was asleep he crawled out of bed and tip toed to the bathroom. He grabbed a stool, and looked at his face in the mirror. The cut on his head was smaller than he thought. Grinning at his luck he began to clean it, he wiped away the small line where blood had been falling and did a double check for anything else that may have been bleeding. Satisfied, he made his way back to his room and changed into a new pair of pajamas._

_In the morning he was worried that Daddy would still be upset with him about the apple juice he spilled on the carpet, he poked his head in the kitchen. Daddy was making pancakes with his back to Dean._

_"Morning Daddy," Dean said eagerly._

_"Hey Dean, You wanna go get your brother up? I made breakfast."_

_Dean nodded and ran back upstairs, when he reached Sammy's room he opened the door slowly to make sure he didn't wake him. Stepping carefully around Sammy's toys he stood over his brother's bed and poked him, much like Sam had to him the night before._

_"Sammy? Daddy made food we gotta go eat."_

_His brother rolled over and stared at him, "Daddy isn't mad still?"_

_"Nope," Dean replied happily, "come on! Warm pancakes!"_

_Together they went downstairs, hand in hand. Sam had a habit of falling down the stairs, so Dean began holding on to him, but even when Sammy got the hang of it they still kept the tradition. Dean was extra careful at breakfast, he made sure he used a plastic cup, and filled Sammy's sippy cup so there wasn't any chance for a spill or a broken glass. At the end of their meal, Dean asked a question that had been on his mind._

_"Daddy?" He asked, waiting patiently for him to respond._

_"Yeah?" John said after a moment._

_Dean shifted in his seat, "Can...can we go see Cas today?"_

_John looked at him confused, "Cas?"_

_"Castiel. My friend, who lives far away."_

_John looked at his son and thought, "Alright, Dean. Tomorrow I have to go out of city anyway, we can see if Ellen will watch Sammy."_

_"Really?!" Dean practically shouted._

_"IF," John stressed, "If, you behave today and make sure both your rooms are spotless."_

_"Oh I promise!"_

_Promptly, Dean help Sammy out of his booster seat and took their dishes to the sink. Sammy was still licking syrup off his fingers when they went upstairs to clean. Not wanting to spread the mess he took Sammy into the bathroom to clean him up._

_"Dean?" Sammy asked, "Why can't I see Cas?"_

_"Cuz, Daddy doesn't have a second kid seat for you in the car, but Jo will play with you."_

_Sammy frowned for a minute then wrinkled his nose, "Will you tell Cas I say hi?"_

_"Of course Sammy. I'm sure he misses you."_

_Cheerfully the boys spent the day cleaning up their rooms. Sammy's took longer because of all the toys. Dean was proud of himself because he didn't just put the little toys under the bed but in their box._

_By nightfall, the boys laid in the middle of Dean's room, discussing what Cas was doing or how happy he was going to be to see them. Without realizing it, they both fell asleep. Around midnight Dean awoke to his Dad going to bed. He looked at his brother, deciding it was too far, he picked Sammy up and put him in his bed, he could sleep on the floor for one night. He grabbed a pillow that Sammy wasn't using and a blanket from his closet, then dozed back to sleep on the floor._

_He woke up again to the sun streaming through the window, wincing, he sat up and looked towards his bed. Sam was still asleep so he got up to brush his teeth by himself, he could help Sam when he woke up._

_Rubbing his eyes he ran into his Dad's leg, "Oh, I'm sorry." He said with a yawn._

_"Yeah," John said and went downstairs without giving him a glance._

_He smiled at himself in the mirror, wondering how tall Cas was now. He wondered if maybe Cas had even grown taller than himself. He looked down at his pj pants which were becoming too short and grinned, one day I'm gonna be tall like Daddy._

_The whole drive to Aunt Ellen's Dean couldn't sit still, he tapped his feet on the chair, until Daddy told him not to, he then spent his energy playing with Sammy. He waited in the car while Daddy took his brother up to the house, and when he got back in Dean felt like his face was going to stretch from his smile._

_John chuckled at him, "You looked like a goon with your teeth missin, but you also look like your momma."_

_Dean closed his mouth but kept smiling, he loved when his dad talked about his mom. It wasn't very often, but he knew from those few times that he looked like her. After what seemed like ages Dean began to hum along to Daddy's music which made his father smile. He reached for his son's head and ruffled his hair. Dean was about to thank him when he heard the tires squeal._

_"Fuck!" His dad yelled as the car tried to turn away from a car backing up._

_Dean looked at his dad, wide eyed, and terrified. He'd never seen daddy lose control of the car. Scared, he grabbed hold of his seat and shut his eyes tight. A few seconds later they hit the slow car. John's side had hit the other car and all Dean could do was look at his Dad who looked like he'd fallen asleep. The world was blurry, it was like he'd just woken up and his eyes didn't quite work yet._

_"Daddy!" He tried screaming but he wouldn't wake up, "DADDY!" He yelled again, louder. He felt tears in his eyes, but held them in,_ big brothers don't cry. _He told himself and tried to undo his belt so he could get to his Dad. He'd made it out of his seat when he heard tires screeching again, but it wasn't from their car. Dean looked up to see a truck headed towards him. "DADDY!!!" He screamed._

_In a second he felt himself fly from his side of the car to his Dad's. He heard himself hit the door. Crying now, he tried to pick himself up but his arm hurt, he looked down to see it bleeding. Scared, crying, screaming, he felt his eyes and head go fuzzy, and the lights went out._


	26. Chapter 26

Day three rolled around and Castiel finally had relaxed into vacation mode. He hadn’t gotten out of bed until noon, skipped his shower, gotten into swim shorts and walked to the beach. Balthazar’s parents decided nothing else would do but a house literally twenty feet from the sandy shore below. Cas jumped the last few steps down and saw Balthazar laying on a towel under a large umbrella.

"Cassie!" Balth cheered when he sat down, "thought you'd never be up, darling."

"And miss out on the amazing tan I could be getting?" Cas joked.

"One day, you will not be a pastey snowflake, but it is not this day!" 

The Lord of the Rings quote reminded him that he'd left Dean without any real explanation, shoving his thoughts he changed the subject, "So, no swimming today?"

"You can do whatever you want, I tend to freckle in the sun." Balth said offhandedly.

 _Freckles_ , Cas laughed at himself inwardly, _Dean just crops up everywhere._ He gave a quick kiss on the cheek to Balth and ran to the open water. It was only slightly cool but nothing that would stop him from going all the way in. As the water reached his chest he swam to a near by rock, careful to be sure the tide didn't slam him into it. Once atop he gazed out at the ocean. It was a perfect day, no clouds, a soft breeze, and no loud boats or people around to disrupt the peace.

Castiel breathed the salty air deep in his lungs, forcing his brain to remember the scent. Losing track of the minutes passing, he made himself comfortable on the rock and looked back at his friend. From the distance, it seemed Balthazar was asleep in the shade, smiling softly, he wondered if he'd made the right decision in letting Balth into his life again. He knew how hard it had been the last time, and he couldn't be at that point anymore. It had been hell watching his mother suffer, and he couldn't help because he'd fallen into his own depression.

Castiel swallowed a lump down. He hadn't left her a very good description of what he was doing either. Knowing what he had to do, he climbed off his perch, and swam back to shore. His guess had been correct. Balthy was fast asleep with a magazine over his face. Cas giggled and pulled his phone out from his beach bag.

"Mom?"

"Castiel! How are you? I miss you, Angel."

"I'm great, Balthazar took me to his parents beach house. How have you been? Everything okay?" He asked cautiously. He wanted to know the real answer but didn't want to dig it out of her. She'd tell him if anything was horribly bad.

"I'm doing okay, I made it to work every day this week, so that's something. The house is quiet without you."

Castiel laughed at this, "Its quiet when I'm there too."

"You mean my son isn't a social butterfly? Hah, oh honey, you know what I mean. Oh! You'll never believe it. I was out at the Roadhouse the other day and guess who I saw?"

"You went out?" Castiel marveled.

"Very funny, but really. I saw Dean! On a date!" She sounded surprised.

"Mom, he's like the most popular guy in school obviously--"

"No! Castiel, he was with another young man."

"What?!" He nearly yelled this time Cas was surprised, "How do you know it was a date?"

"Sweetie, no one sits that close unless you're drunk or on a date. Besides he was all dressed up."

"Oh my god. You didn't go say hi did you?"

"Of course not!" Anna defended. "All I'm saying is I never knew, did you?"

Castiel paused, "Uh, recently I found out...but I didn't think he was serious." He looked out over the ocean again, this time feeling small.

"Castiel? Angel? I gotta go, I think Charlie is at the door."

"Charlie? Why is--"

"She was so sad you were out of town I invited her to a movie night with me. Two redheads watching some P & P. Pride and Prejudice” She finished when Cas sounded confused.

"Mom, don't you think you're a little old to hang out with my friends?" He teased.

"Nonsense!" She argued, "Talk to you later! Love you!!"

Castiel hung up from a very weird phone call. Shaking his head he looked to his friend. He watched Balth's chest rise and fall, completely at ease,lightly, he stroked his hair. He wished his mind was at the same peace. If Charlie wasn't hanging out with Dean, then he'd probably be with his popular friends, unless...unless he's on a date. This thought made him uncomfortable, like stepping in a pool of water with socks on. This is dumb, he told himself, I made this mess. I can’t just expect no one to date Dean. He’s an adult who can make his choices. Nodding firmly at this he stared back and the falling waves, wondering if he’d made the right choice.

“What’s wrong?” Balthazar said sleepily.

“Hmm?”

“You look like a lost duckling.” Balthazar giggled. He grabbed Castiel’s hand from his hair and held it gently.

“I’m sorry. I was just thinking.” Castiel replied, still looking towards the sea.

Balth sat up and kissed his cheek, “How bout, we ditch the heavy thinking and go get some lunch? On me?”

“Are you asking me on a date good sir?” Castiel teased.

“I really am.” Balthazar grinned and got to his feet.

While they collected their belongings off the sand they discussed where they wanted food. Castiel won the debate, and they ended up at a small cafe near the ocean that served fresh fish. He usually wasn’t one for seafood but it seemed appropriate. The cafe was within walking distance, so fifteen minutes later they arrived and were greeted by an overly happy hostess.

“Right this way!” She beamed and lead them to a table in a corner, “Will this work?”

“Perfect,” Cas smiled at her.

A tint of pink flushed in her cheeks, she turned around, nearly missing a waiter. Castiel smiled apologetically at her, although he wasn’t quite sure what he’d done.

“Ladies man.” Balthazar baited.

“What?” he asked incredulously, “I was just being nice.”

“Exactly. Cassie, you have to realize, most guys are not nice. You are.”

“But I’m gay!” Cas said in a whisper.

This made Balthazar laugh, “Hon, we aren’t in your part of the woods anymore. Here, no one cares.” At Castiel’s eyebrow raise, he continued, “For example, give me your hand.”

Tentatively Cas reached his hand out and grabbed the other boy’s. He made a quick look around the room but everyone seemed to be continuing their lives as normal. There were no glares from the elderly, the young parents or even kids their age. Castiel gazed, slightly in awe, then looked at his friend smiling, “Okay, that’s pretty cool.”

“It’s better.” Balth giggled, and leaned to kiss him dead on the mouth.

Cas was taken off guard, they hadn’t exchanged an actual kiss yet. Involuntarily, he sat back in his seat and looked around the room again. No one’s demeanor had changed, except the hostess who had blushed at him earlier.

“Well, it’s her own fault I suppose,” Balth said, keeping a loose grip on Castiel’s hand, “making eyes at my man.”

“Yours?” Cas questioned.

“Well, I hope you’ll be, ya know, my boyfriend.”

“Is that what we are?” Castiel asked harshly, taking his hand away.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_“Is that what we are?” Castiel asked his voice shaking, “because I sure as hell don’t see it.” Balthazar was pacing the room and stopped in his tracks at Castiel’s words. Looking towards the ground, a mirror, a chair, anything but him. Castiel could feel his blood boil, he clenched his fists, resisting the urge to punch Balth in the nose._

_“Castiel, please,” Balth said in surrender, “What can I do to make this up to you?”_

_“Oh, I know. Unsleep with the dirty skank in the gutter. Oh wait! You can’t.”_

_“Castiel.” Balth said walking over to him now. He stared at him, blue eyes reflecting on one another, “Cassie, I’m sorry.”_

_“Ha!” Cas laughed mirthlessly, “Sorry? Sorry you got caught or sorry for what you did?”_

_“Both!”_

_“How is that suppose to make me feel better?” Cas asked, he could feel himself glaring now._

_“Cas, I wanted to tell you. From the minute I got back, but we fell right back into being us. I know I was gone for a long time, and I realized I’m weak without you.” Balthazar was determined to maintain eye contact with him._

_“Balth, I don’t think I trust you.” Castiel said sadly, tearing his eyes away, it was his turn to not meet the eyes of the other._

_“Let me prove it, baby, please.” Balth begged and put his head in the crook of his neck, “I need you.”_

_“Yeah, well apparently you don’t.” Castiel grumbled and pushed Balthazar off, “I need to leave now.”_

_Tuning out the pleas, and cries from behind him, Castiel made his way to the front door and set off for his own house, away from the pain, away from the lies, away, just, away. He felt his eyes water but didn’t let them fall, he wasn’t going to cry after a boy he who left him. He felt his chest close up and sat down on a nearby bench to let himself calm down from the situation._ He really did it, _he thought miserably, h_ e really let someone else replace me. That’s what you are Castiel, you’re replaceable. _His thoughts wandered back to his mom who he’d left at home. It wasn’t much of a good week for her either. He’d found her twice zoning out to the point he had to shout at her to bring her back to reality. He could see that she was getting worse but didn’t know what to do. Hester had moved to another state and his closest relative he hadn’t seen since he was two. He took one final deep breath and set back on his journey._

_He turned down his street and heard yelling behind him._

_“Deeeean! Wait!” a young Sam was running to catch up._

_Dean was about thirty feet ahead, clearly not stopping, but also clearly wasn’t going any faster. The elder looked to his brother and grinned, “Come on Sammy! Dad is gonna be home soon and he’s gonna bitch if the house is dirty.”_

_There was something off about Dean when he turned around. He had a baseball cap on that nearly covered the left side of his face, when the boy had turned around Cas realized what it was, there was a rather large bruise on that side of Dean’s face. It looked like it had faded but there were still yellowish memories on his cheekbone as well as his brow. Castiel looked away ashamed that he was spying._

_Sam eventually caught up, “Well, I would have been faster if you didn’t just leave me in the middle of the store.”_

_“Well gosh Sam,” Dean faked shock, “I guess you shoulda listened when I said we were leavin.”_

_Castiel watched the two boys continue walking on the other side of the road. He found that he’d stopped walking.  Dean, he thought happily but only for a moment, Dean didn’t seem to recognize Castiel at all. He knew that Sammy wouldn’t have remembered him, as he was just a small kid, but his heart tugged a little that Dean didn’t. Sighing at his life he made it to his front door and opened it slowly. The house was dark, at only five thirty, there should at least be some sort of light coming through the windows. Curious he called out for his mother but she didn’t answer. Castiel hung his coat then proceeded to open up the blinds to let in what little light from the day he could. He then cleaned the bottom floor, cups, plates, food, were scattered throughout the furniture as well as the floor._

_Once clean, he made his way upstairs, he knocked on his mother’s door hesitantly, “Mom?” He asked just loud enough for her to hear if she was awake. There was no sound to answer him. Castiel stared at the door in front of him for a few minutes debating if he should go in and check on her. Feeling like there was no harm done if he did, he pushed open the wooden door and peaked his head inside. He could tell his mother was asleep, relief filled him and he began to exit when he noticed her breaths were slow. Panicking he ran to her bed, there was an empty bottle on the floor and her breath was small and shallow._

_“Hello?” Castiel asked in a shaky voice on the phone, “Yes, I have an emergency, I need an ambulance right away, my mom…” his voice cracked, “I think she took too many pills. Yes...the address is…”_


	27. Chapter 27

Thursday came sooner than Dean thought. He was currently stuck under a broken down Prius, cursing those that drove them. “I swear, Baby is three times longer than this thing.”

“Stop complainin’” Bobby laughed at him, “When you’re done with her you can go home for the day.”

“Bobby,” Dean rolled out from underneath the car, “Can I stay a bit longer today? I gotta save some cash.”

Bobby nodded at him knowingly, “Yer always welcome to stay boy, just thought you’d have something better to do than sit in this greasy shop all night.”

“Bobby,” Dean chortled, “you act like I have a life.”

“Boy, I’ve been watchin you for three years now at that high school, you got plenty of friends.”

“All they do is drink and try to bang each other.” Dean said bitterly.

It was Bobby's turn to laugh, "Son, that's what high school is about. Now I'm not sayin you should be doin the same thing, but don't grow up too early boy. Adult life isn't much fun either."

Dean scoffed quietly, "Bobby, do you know how much better I'll be when school is over? I can save for a place for just me n Sam, also, I can take him on an actual vacation. Actual adult life is my saving grace."

His boss shook his head, "You kids are always too damn stupid. Just get back to work before I send you home to live out what youth you've got left."

To his enjoyment and surprise, work passed fairly quickly. At ten he called it a night and told Bobby he'd be back around ten the next day. Dean was nearly singing on the way home, until he pulled up to the house. Cole's car was parked on the corner, as was his dad's. Taking a deep breath he got out of his car and walked as slow as possible to the door.

"Dean!" John said happily, when he opened the door, "I've just met your friend here...Cody was it?"

"Cole, sir," Cole corrected.

John let out a soft laugh, "That's what it was. Boy, why are you all filthy?"

Dean sighed, he would've liked to have Cole never meet his dad, or at least not when he completely smashed, "I was working at Bobby's shop."

"Don't get all lippy, just makin conversation."

Instead of answering John back he looked to his friend, "What brings you by?" Dean asked one eyebrow raised.

"Oh," Cole said standing, "did you not get my text?" After the look of confusion on Dean's face he continued, "That new Marvel movie is out and I was wondering if you wanted to go?"

Dean glanced at his father then Cole, "Uh, ya lemme get a jacket." He smiled awkwardly and ran upstairs. Taking a quick look in the bathroom mirror he made sure he didn't have any gunk from the shop. He scrubbed at a small blotch just above his eyebrow, making a darker red mark. "Fuckin great." He muttered and made his way back downstairs. Cole stood as he came into the room. "Uh, bye dad." Dean said quickly and motioned for Cole to follow.

"Sheesh," Cole nudged when they made it outside, "he's a ball of sunshine."

“That’s my old man.” Dean joked trying to laugh off the awkwardness in the air.

“Well shit. I’m sorry.”

“No worries, you still wanna see that movie?”

“Yeah, I can get it this time...if you want.”

“Dean Winchester, are you asking me out?”

“Yes,” Dean laughed and took the other’s hand.

Even though Dean could feel his hands sweating and a ball of nerves swell in his gut he was happy he was out. He felt a little bad leaving Sammy with his dad but he wasn’t too worried, if Sammy really needed him he’d call. He let his attention focus on Cole and what he had been up to. Unfortunately, as hard as he tried he could only half listen. Every so often he would add a word of two to show he was listening but he couldn’t help but zone out about other things. His mind floated between what the hell he was doing dating two guys in a few weeks after he’d always been with a girl, and what the hell was his dad going to say or do when he eventually found out. He knew his dad was too wasted tonight to really tell what was going on but it was only a matter of time. Without realizing they’d made it to the theater, Dean was pleased that he knew the correct words to say and got them out in the right order.

“Do you want popcorn? I can buy it, you got the tickets.” Cole asked after they left the front desk.

“Yeah, that’d be cool.” Dean smiled feeling out of place.

“Awesome, sit tight I’ll be back.”

Dean watched as his date joined the line at the concession stand. He smiled at him until he was no longer in view then panicked. He pulled out his phone and texted Charlie

 **Dean** : Charlie!? I’m on a date?!? With a guy I met when I was drunk…

 **Charlie** : God, Dean. Can’t you just meet people the normal way? Also. Congrats, why are you texting me?

 **Dean** : What if I fuck it up?

 **Charlie** : Dean. Go enjoy your date ya dork.

“Who is that?” Cole asked near his ear.

“Oh, uh, my friend Charlie.”

“Charlie?” Cole inquired.

“Yeah, she’s a good friend.”

“OH. She. Okay.”

Dean chuckled, “Jealous? It’s only date two.”

“Can’t help it.” Cole shrugged, “Ready?" he held his hand out for Dean to take.

“This is so weird,” Dean said shaking his head but took his hand anyway.

Nervous as he was, Dean found himself enjoying the movie. _My thing for Robert Downey Jr makes much more sense now_ , he mused to himself. He'd almost forgotten he was on a date when he felt Cole slip their hands together. He half smiled, squeezing his hand back and returning his attention to the movie. By the end of the movie, Dean felt relaxed enough to keep hold of Cole all the way to his car.

"So, who is your number one in the marvel universe?" Cole asked when they headed back.

"Hmm, somewhere between; Charles Xavier, Black Widow, and Iron Man."

"Old or new?"

"X-men or Spider-Man?"

"Both," Cole laughed.

"New. Both." Dean nodded, "you?"

"I gotta go with Captain America."

"Seriously?"

"What?" Cole defended, "He's tall, beautiful butt, and totally just fights for what he believes in. Totally hot."

"That was too many totally's" Dean laughed.

"What's that noise?" Cole asked with a raised brow.

Dean was about to say he didn't know when he realized it was his phone. He felt it vibrate but didn't recognize the tune, pulling out his phone it became more clear. Taylor Swift was blaring at him to pick up, blushing, he answered.

"Hello?"

"Dean?"

"Cas?" Dean asked, honestly surprised.

"Can...do you have a moment to talk?" Cas said slowly, choosing his words.

"I can't right now," Dean answered truthfully, "Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Um, yeah." Cas said quietly.

Dean looked apologetic at Cole but continued with Cas, "Are you okay? You sound..." He wanted to say it sounded like Cas was crying but he was still on a date, technically.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Castiel interrupted and hung up.

Dean stared at his phone, Can Cas get anymore weird? He wondered. "I'm really sorry about that...Sammy must have changed my ringtone..."

Cole was laughing, parking in front of Dean's house. "No worries. That's what brothers are for."

"Being a pain in the ass?" Dean joked.

"Exactly." Cole concurred, "Can I walk you to the door?"

Dean nodded, feeling blood rush to his cheeks again. Mentally prepping himself he climbed out of the Jeep determined to make himself walk with a carefree attitude. Cole seemed to buy it and took Dean's hand in his own when they reached the door. Quick, Dean thought, say something that will be funny but memorable. This plan was foiled by Cole. Before Dean had a chance to open his mouth, Cole kissed him gently. Kissing Cole was very different than his kiss with Cas. Cole's lips were more firm, but he held Dean's jaw in one spot, making his knees go weak.

"I-uh, that. That was...nice. Neat. Great. Uh cool." Dean stuttered.

Cole laughed, "I'll call you. Goodnight." He wished, kissing Dean once more, then headed to his car.

Dean stood awkwardly on the porch watching him leave. He scuffed his shoe on the floor and ducked inside, hoping his dad had gone to sleep. The TV was on but it was Sammy sitting on the couch.

"Cute." Sam smirked.

"Shaddup." Dean pleaded.

 


	28. Chapter 28

“Balth,” Cas giggled, “Stop.”

"Hmmm, lemme think..." Balthazar tapped his chin, "Nope." Then proceeded to kiss him shamelessly on his neck.

"Seriously, I told you. Ocean sex is not going to- ohhh- happen."

"I dunno Cassie. That sounded like I was getting somewhere." Balth chuckled and started rolling their hips together with the tide.

Castiel bit his lip to hold back moan, "Balth, you're not even lubricated."

"Hmmm...ocean hand job?" Balth asked.

Cas considered for a moment then shook his head. "I just don't want some little kid swim by and go running back saying 'Mommy! They have their pee pee's out!!'”

“Cassie, no one says ‘pee pee’s’. Kids these days,” He said rolling his hand in the air, “they say ‘dick’ or ‘penis’.”

Castiel couldn’t help himself, he started laughing so hard he started to sink in the water and gulped a bit of water, “The answer is still no." he gasped regaining his head above water.

"You are so not fun."

"Curious, then why stick around?" Cas pointed out.

"Alright, shut up. You wanna get out and get lunch?"

"Yes." Cas replied simply, kissing Balth on the cheek.

Once back up to the house, they argued over who would shower first. Cas won by kissing him in the doorway, slowly pushing him into the wall then hurriedly shut the door in Balth's face.

"That's just not fair!" Balth argued.

"Sucks to suck," Cas called back and got undressed anyway.

"We could just shower togetheeeer." Balthazar sang to him.

"You wish. Now shut up." Cas laughed, enjoying the hot water pouring over his body, washing away the sand and salt.

"Cassie!" Balthazar called a few minutes later, through the door,  "you missed a call!"

"It's probably just Sam or Dean. Don't worry about it!"

Cas knew he was taking more time than normal in the hot water but he couldn't care less. For the first time, in a long time, he felt relaxed. Balth had been right. He really just needed some time away from all his stress. Without realizing it he was carrying more weight than he thought and only now did he see that he could drop all of it. It was as though his troubles, as well as the sand, were washing away, out of sight out of mind.

Finally deciding to step out of the shower and back into reality, he turned off the water and brushed a towel through his wet hair. Wrapping the towel around his waist he stepped out into the living room where Balthazar was sitting.

"Save me any water?" Balth asked with a smirk.

"Course I did," Castiel replied, grinning. "Now go get in there before I take your stupid swimsuit off you."

"I'm going! I don't want to have sand butt sex. God, it already gets everywhere."

Cas chuckled and went to his room to dig out some clothes. He looked briefly at his phone, he missed call was from his mom. He hadn't talked to her in a few days but he was sure she was alright. He pulled on an old, faded, blue shirt and khakis shorts and strutted back into the living room to lay on the couch. Once comfortable he dialed his mom again, just to be safe. He waited patiently as the phone rang with his eyes closed, surprisingly his call went to voicemail. Even when she was out on a business trip she always answered. He sat up, staring at his phone, once more he called her, but with the same result.

"Somethin wrong?" Balth was asking from the hallway.

"No, um, it's okay. Pizza tonight? We could watch a movie?"

"Does the movie come with Cassie cuddles?"

"God, you are so squishy."

"Squishy?" Balthazar asked, giggling, "what the hell?"

"Yes, you're squishy. Let's go!" Cas beamed and got up off the couch. Pushing the unanswered call out of his mind he let himself return to the feeling of freedom, determined to keep it going as long as possible. This train of thought lasted the full afternoon. They spent the day wandering the streets and stopping wherever they felt like. Around five they called it a day and started back for the beach house, grabbing a pizza on the way.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Balthazar asked suddenly.

"What?" Castiel inquired, genuinely confused.

"You keep looking at your phone." Balth clarified, "Did you get a hold of your mom?"

"No, actually. Probably why I keep looking. I'm sorry. I am having a great time."

"Hahah, I know Cassie. I've been holding your hand for a full half hour and you don't seem the least bit bothered. I'm calling that progress."

"Balth, obviously. I've been making out with you for how many days now?"

"Alright, shut up. We're here. What would you want to watch?"

"Doesn't matter. Do you care if I change into pajamas?"

"No problem," Balth assured, kissing his cheek. "Don't be too long."

Grateful, Cas ran up the stairs and called his mother again. Still she didn't answer, worry washed over him. He paced his room for a few minutes then looked at his watch. It was still only nine o' clock in his hometown so he gave Charlie a quick call. Within seconds he was forwarded to voicemail with a text saying she was on a date. Begrudgingly he changed in his pj's and went downstairs. Balth had his feet kicked up on the coffee table with a spot made for Cas next to him. Castiel told himself to stay calm and enjoy himself.

Two and a half hours later, he was curled next to his boyfriend, dozing and cozy. Balthazar was asleep next to him, his steady breath rinsing peace through his veins. He smiled softly and kissed his nose. Balth didn't wake but moved, pulling the blanket over them closer. Carefully, Castiel pulled himself away and stepped into the kitchen.

His phone still read no new messages or calls. Beginning to worry he called Charlie again. On the second ring she picked up. Without waiting for pleasantries he hurried his thoughts to her.  

"Cassie," Charlie yawned, "I'm sure she's fine."

"But Char-"

"Casssssie." She begged, "can I call you tomorrow?"

"Fine," Cas agreed and hung up.

A lump grew in his throat, he felt his eyes water a little. Before they fell he called his last resort.

"Dean? Yeah...um. Okay. No it's fine. I'll call you back later." Cas spoke quickly.

 _How dumb,_ he told himself, _of course Dean doesn't want to talk to you._ Castiel looked at the clock and paced some more. Two minutes into this he called his mom again, no answer. "Fuck!!!" He yelled a bit too loud. Worried he looked in the living room to see if he'd woken Balthazar, but the boy was still out cold. For twenty minutes he sat in the kitchen, staring at his phone, willing it to ring. He was about to give up, when the back light lit up.

"Hello?" He answered without looking to see who it was.

"Cas?" Dean's voice asked, "What's wrong? You sounded like you were crying."

"I don't like crying, Dean." Cas sighed, "I'm really sorry...and I know I don't deserve it...but could I ask a favor?"

"Anything." Dean confirmed almost immediately.

Castiel explained what had occurred that day, trying to make the situation seem not too troublesome but enough to show concern. When he was done, Dean was quiet for a moment.

"Cas. When would you like me to go check on her? It's kinda late."

Castiel sniffed, "Please, I'm so sorry to ask. As soon as is convenient for you."

"Well, I can go now. I'll take Sammy with me."

"Dean," Cas said, the lump back in his chest, "I...I don't deserve this, but thank you."

"Cas." Dean said softly, "we're still friends. This is what friends are for."

Castiel nodded, then realized Dean couldn't see him, "Thank you Dean. Will you let me know?"

"Of course. Cas? Get some sleep. It will be okay."

Cas nodded again without thinking. "Thank you." He said his voice cracking.

"That sounds familiar, by the way." Dean said randomly.

"What?" Cas asked confused

"Uh, you don't like crying. I knew that...somehow. Anyway, sorry, that was dumb, I'll call you when I know more. Goodnight Cas."

"Dean. Goodnight." Castiel said confidently.

Feeling more at ease he wandered back into the living room, curled next to Balthazar and let himself fall asleep.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Dean hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment. Even when they’d had their little tizzy at school Cas hadn’t sounded so heartbroken. He knew something was wrong from the way he’d said his name over the phone. Pushing all horrible thoughts from his mind he grabbed his car keys again and crept downstairs. Sammy was still in front of the TV, half asleep.

“Sammy, come on” He motioned with his head to the door.

Without asking why Sam got up and followed him outside. Silently Dean was grateful his brother was so chill. Laughing at his brother’s sluggish movements, he climbed into Baby and headed down the road to Cas’ house.

All the lights were off in the house and he got worried that he’d wake his mother up. Sam was asleep in the passenger side, out like a light. Quietly, Dean made his way to the front door of the Novak house. He gave a small knock on the door and waited, no lights turned on nor was there sound of movement. He knocked a bit louder but nothing. Sighing, he rang the doorbell and winced knowing that would surely wake her up. He stood for a solid two minutes before he deemed it okay to just walk inside.

“Cas wants you to Dean,” He told himself, “He needs you to check on her, you aren’t trespassing, chill out. “ He took a deep breath and turned the doorknob. Surprisingly, it wasn’t locked and dean stepped carefully into the entryway. All was quiet around him, there was no movement in the kitchen or the living room. He felt his heart race a little, knowing Anna’s past now. He ran his hands through his hair and started up the dark stairway. When he reached the top he gave a small knock on Anna’s door.

“Mrs. Novak? Cas sent me. Um, he was worried about you.”

Nothing answered him. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open. There was a small bedside lamp that was lit next to her bed. Her long red hair was draped over her face.

“Anna?” He tried using her name, but again there was no replay. He swallowed and stepped forward, shaking her arm, “Anna?” He quickly put his finger to her neck. There was a pulse but it was small. He called her again, this time yelling. With no reaction from her he pulled out his phone. He had three calls to make and he wasn’t sure what order he wanted to do them in.

Breathing fast he called the police, making sure an ambulance was sent over as soon as possible, giving them a brief idea of why he was there. Begging them to hurry he made his second call, to Sammy. “Sam. Hey. Yeah,  we’re at Cas’ house. Look, his mom is in horrible shape I need you to drive home. No. Sam, hey. I’m fine. Go home. Yes, that means you can drive Baby. Just. Yeah. Okay, bye.”

He paused for a minute and pushed back some of Anna’s hair out of her face. He took a deep breath and made his last call.

“Cas?” Dean asked softly, “Cas. I uh...she...she’s unconscious. I can’t get her up….Cas I’m so sorry. Yeah...yeah. I called an ambulance. Cas….Cas?”

Dean stared at his phone, Cas had hung up on him. He saw his hands were shaking and put them in his pockets not wanting to see himself so vulnerable. He stepped a few feet back and waited for the sirens in the distance to catch up.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean yawned and stretched himself out on the hospital bench he'd made his bed on the night before. There was a small kink in his back but he was sure it would subside as the day went on. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. Nurses were still bustling in and out of Mrs. Novak's room. He felt like he needed to stay as there was no other of her family around. He gave Sammy a quick call to make sure he was alright then tiptoed into her room.

Anna was still sound asleep, but she looked like she had more color. Dean sighed, 'G _reat way to end a vacation, Cas? Yeah, your mom almost died. Hell_.' He thought miserably. Missouri had been right, if anyone's childhood was as fucked up as his it was Cas.

His pocket vibrated and he answered without looking, "Hello?" His voice was scratchy from waking. He coughed a little to clear his throat.

"Dean? It's Cas," Cas said unnecessarily, "I'm just getting a flight home, are you still with her?"

"Course," Dean assured, "I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you Dean." Cas replied soberly then hung up.

Dean let out a breath of air and stared at his phone. For a moment he considered calling his dad but second guessed it. _'He's probably out drinking anyway'_ ,he told himself. He tapped his phone on the hospital bed and sat down in the armchair next to it.

Every half hour or so a nurse would stroll by and see how Anna was doing, as well as Dean. At two hours, one sent him off for a break, insisting he had to eat. Not wanting to go far he  wandered to the cafeteria they had on the main floor. He mindlessly played games on his phone and zone out a few times, only coming back to when he realized he was staring at someone’s butt. Blushing he put his face down in his arms, resting on the cool table, it couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes but he found he’d fallen asleep, only to be woken by his phone ringing.

“Hello?” He asked for the second time that day in a groggy voice.  

“Dean?” Cole asked confused, “I went by your house, you weren’t there.”

“Oh…Yeah. Sorry. My friend...he-well his mom...there is a lot of drama.”

“Sounds rough..anything I can do?”

“No. It’s all good. I’ll call you when this is all over.”

“No worries, just take care of yourself.”

“I will.” Dean promised, then hung up.

“Mr. Winchester?” said a nurse standing behind him, "I understand you brought Mrs. Novak in...I just wanted to let you know that she is awake."

"Awesome, I'll go talk to her."

Dean was oddly calm walking into Anna's room. He gave a small knock on her door, then let himself in. She smiled at him but didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say either, he never was any good with emotional stuff, he gave a small wave and sat back down on the chair beside her.

"Castiel?" Anna smiled.

"Uh, yeah. He was really worried."

"That boy was always a little angel." She giggled, "I guess his father knew I needed him."

"What was his name?" Dean asked, feeling like she needed to talk.

"Jimmy," Anna answered, "I know. Pretty normal name considering little Castiel."

Dean smiled, "It suits him."

"It sure does...thank you Dean." Anna said, "I-I don't know what would have happened...well. I do...but thank you."

"Mrs. Novak? Er, Anna? Can I just put in my two cents? I...I uh...I never got to have a mother in my life. Hell, I got the opposite. I know I don't know you all that well...but Cas. He's...he's so lucky to have you. Just. Remember that?"

Anna opened her mouth to answer but the door opened. In rushed a disheveled looking Castiel. One side of his head was flattened like he'd been sleeping on it and his glasses had smudges like tears had soaked them. Dean felt very uncomfortable as though he were trespassing. Castiel ran to his mother and hugged her tightly around her the best he could. Unable to hear everything said, he caught a couple "I love you"s and sniffling. It wasn't until he heard a cough next to him that he realized Cas hadn't come alone.

"Dean." Balthazar said curtly.

"Balth." Dean acknowledged in a bored voice, not willing to ruin the day for Cas any more than was necessary.  The awkwardness set in and Dean made his way to the arch of the door to lean on. He started to walk out of the room when Cas called to him.

“Dean? Can I talk to you?”

Dean stopped where he stood and waited, not bothering to turn around. He felt Cas’ hand on his shoulder and stepped forward into the hall, then faced him. Cas’ eyes were filled with tears but none fell. Dean immediately felt bad, it wasn’t Cas’ fault that he hated Balthazar.

“Yeah?” Dean said barely audible.

“I wanted to give you a heads up...because, I owe you that.” Cas said looking uncomftable, “Um, Balth and me...we’re...we’re gonna give us another go. Still totally trial mode. I just didn’t want to throw you off completely.”

Dean felt his stomach sink, “Oh, uh, no it’s..that’s cool. I guess, it’s fine. I mean. I can’t really have a say Cas.”

“Why do you always assume your feelings don’t matter?” Cas smiled, half joking.

Dean shrugged, “It’s alright Cas. I promise.”

Castiel eyed him carefully, then smiled at him, “Thank you.” he muttered for the thousandth time.

“You woulda done the same for me. I’m...I’m uh gonna head home. I don’t wanna bother Balth too much. I’ll talk to you later Cas.”

Dean turned and went his way without looking back; he felt his anger boiling but couldn’t pin it down why. Annoyed, he blamed Balthazar. Once outside the hospital he realized he didn’t have a car there. He turned his head to the sky, pleading for the reason for everything. “Oh well.” He sighed and waited for the next bus to come, luckily he had a few dollars with him to get himself home.

Home wasn't much better. A note was left on the fridge saying that Sam had gone to a movie with Jess. "Daaad?!" He yelled, but the house was quiet. He walked around the house aimlssly then plotted himself on the couch. One leg over the back and on leaning off the side. "Ah, comfort." Dean sent Cole a quick text back, apologizing for being distant. Within seconds Cole responded.

Cole: it's fine, are you busy?

Dean: lol no. Wanna come over?

Cole: gimme like ten minutes.

Dean grinned and went upstairs to wash his face; sure that he looked like a mess from staying at the hospital. All in all it was better than expected, there was a small dark ring around his eyes but nothing horrible. He'd just switched into a new shirt when the doorbell rang.

Happily he swung the door open, though trying not to seem eager he leaned on the door like he hadn't just ran down the stairs.

"Is your dad home?" Cole asked looking around.

"Nope." Dean smiled.

"Good," Cole admitted, then kissed Dean softly.

For a few seconds Dean forgot everything that had been worrying him and let himself live in these few moments. Then he remembered everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours and pulled away.

"Wanna just...sit, and watch a movie with me?" Dean asked, getting a grip on Cole's jacket.

"Whatever makes you happy, Dean." Cole said, kissing his forehead, "what are you in the mood for?"

Dean felt his face blush, "Finding Nemo." He whispered then laughed about how childish he sounded. Regardless, Cole agreed. Dean was surprised at how easy it was to curl up next to Cole. They'd only had a couple of dates but he felt at ease with him around. Although, more often than he would have liked to admit, he found his mind wander to Cas. A part of him ached at how quickly he'd moved on, but he would then think about how he was doing the same.

"You alright?" Cole asked mid-movie, "you looked stressed. It's going to be okay, he finds his dad."

"Shaddup." Dean pouted, poking Cole in the ribs. "I'm good, just dandy. Awesome."

"That's too many words to be okay but if you don't wanna talk I won't push it." Cole surrendered.

Dean rolled his eyes, “I just. I don’t wanna involve you in all my stupid drama.”

"Not here to push." Cole said again.

By the time the movie ended, Dean found himself with his head on Cole's lap, the older running his fingers through his hair. Before he let himself fall asleep he started talking, "Can I ask you something?"

"Don't see why not."

"You're so laid back with all this. Doesn't any of it bother you?"

"Not really. Did you wanna talk about it?"

Dean wasn't prepared for this, he wasn't all touchy feely to anyone really but Sam. "Can I just give you the sum up without all the chick flick moments?"

"Dean, we just watched a children's movie. Shoot."

"Kay, so like a few weeks maybe a month I uh, made out with this dude. But we just thought it better to be friends. Then his dumbass dickwad ex shows up and he ran back to him."

"Well, people tend to cling to what they know."

"I know, I'm the same. I just...I guess I'm...hurt-" Dean coughed trying to cover up how his voice was slowly getting higher. "Cuz he told me that he just didn't want a solid relationship and then fuckin...well this."

"That is definitely a romantic novel plot right there. Listen, sit up for a minute. I'm gonna share with you some grown up knowledge."

"Cole, you're like three years-"

"Shhh." Cole smiled, "Sounds like you got feelings for this kid. Right?"

"Well yeah, but I have you-"

"Simple yes or no." Cole interrupted again, "It's possible to have feelings for two people. Your friend, does he seem conflicted about all this?" Dean shrugged, "Now, I'm not sayin we're going anywhere serious but I gotta know if you're just replacing one person for another. You gotta find out what you are looking for. Don't waste your time on people who don't matter."

"Of course you matter!" Dean tried to argue.

"Didn't say I didn't.  I'm just saying you can only replace others for so long till you hurt yourself. And, sugar, that isn't worth it."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Dean asked, looking at his hands.

"No," Cole answered cautiously, "I think...I think we should take a break though. See where we are at the end of the week?"

Dean looked up, heart heavy, "Can I still talk to you?"

Cole laughed gently, "Yes, but no sweet talk."

Dean smiled, “You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“You’re a dork, I’m the only boyfriend you’ve ever had.”  Cole laughed, kissing his nose, “I gotta head out anyway, off to work.”

Dean walked him to the door, did a quick check to make sure his dad wasn’t pulling into the driveway, then kissed Cole one last time, “I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“I’ll answer.” Cole promised then with a wave over his shoulder he went on his way.

Dean sighed and closed the door, now torn with what to do. ‘ _Course I’m happy with Cole; he’s funny, sweet, hot, caring, understanding. Why the fuck am I even bothered with Cas. Cas doesn’t want me anyways. He’s got that assbutt of a boyfriend Balthazar._ ’ “UGGGh,” he groaned, “Fuck it.”  he pulled out his phone and called Charlie.

“This is yours truly.” She answered.

“Fuck my life.” Dean said quickly.

“Well, you’ve come to the right place. What’s up?”

“It’s...it’s a long stupid story. Wanna get some burgers and we can talk about it?”

“Sure thing, you wanna get me or should I come pick you up?”

“Uh. I’ll drive, it helps with my stress relief.”

“Whatever you say pumpkin. I’ll be here.”


	30. Chapter 30

“Cassie?”

Castiel groaned and rolled over, “Let’s get rid of Monday.”

“You have sch---ooool.” Balth yawned, “You gotta get up if you’re going to have breakfast.”

Cas pulled the blanket over his head, trying to block out the world. He knew Balth meant well but he couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed. ‘I screwed up,’ was all that was going through his head. How could he focus on classes when all he could think about was his mom who sat still in the hospital. He knew he could miss a few days and still pass his classes, but he also didn’t want to worry anyone by not showing up. ‘ _I’m stronger than this,_ ‘ he told himself and sat up. Balthazar was still laying on his pillow smiling up at him.

“Go get em tiger.”

“You’re a dork,” Castiel laughed and kissed his boyfriend on the forehead. “You better be dressed when I get back.”

“Mmmmm. We’ll see.” Balth teased, “Now get out so I can get some shut eye.”

“Asshole.”

“You love me.” Balth said waving off Castiel’s comment.

Cas made his way downstairs, careful to be quiet, as to not wake Balthazar back up. He started with his morning coffee  and sat for a full five minutes before making any effort to eat any actual food. When there was no more excuse for him to sit he got up and stared into the pantry looking for something to eat. He glanced at a variety of things but none seemed tasteful. Giving up he went back upstairs to take a shower, as like the rest of his day so far, he spent longer than needed under the hot water. He washed his hair twice, on accident, and nearly fell getting out. Grumbling to himself he got out and dried himself off. With a towel around his waist he opened his bedroom door carefully and tiptoed in the dark to grab some fresh clothes.

Once back into the bathroom he realized he’d grabbed an older pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. It wasn’t his usual attire but he didn’t care enough to go back and grab something else, even though his jeans were a bit tighter than normal. He glanced out the window to gauge the weather and decided he didn’t need his coat. As per the rest of his outfit he grabbed an old red hoodie from the closet and pulled it on, then set off without a glance back at his house. He was determined to make this day as normal as any other. ‘ _There is no real reason to worry anyone,_ ’ he told himself but still walked with his head down at his shoes rather than where he was going. Just before he made it to the parking lot the bell rang for first class and he stepped up his pace a bit, not wanting to be late to class. ‘ _Nothing can be out of the ordinary._ ’ He wasn’t the only one running late that day however. Before he could grab the handle for the front door he was surprised to see someone else reach it first.

“Hi Cas! Gotta go Cas!” Sammy said in a flash and disappeared inside before Castiel could reply.

“Saaaaaaam!” Dean was yelling but was still back a ways locking up Baby.

Castiel froze, he knew this was going to be an awkward encounter with Dean and was hoping that he wouldn’t have to look at his friend til at least lunch time.  He shifted on his feet, if he went into the building without talking to Dean then he would know that he was uncomfortable around him, but he couldn’t just leave Dean because they were friends, and he’d done so much for his family recently. With a sigh he closed the school door and waited for Dean.

“What’s up?” Dean said with a grin.

This took Castiel by surprise, ‘ _How is he so cheerful?_ ’ “I’m. Uh, I mean. Nothing. Running late as usual?” He tried to tease but knew his voice sounded off.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, “Always. Weird to see you late tho. Also, you don’t have your glasses. You alright?”

Castiel immediately lifted his hands to his face, “How did I forget...ha, well I guess I won’t be looking at the board today.” He said chuckling to himself.

“Welcome to my world.” Dean joked, then opened the door for the two of them. “Where you off to?”

“Why are you so normal with all of this?!” Castiel blurted, then saw the look on Dean’s face and felt his face redden, “I mean. I, uh, I’m off to Government…”

“Cas?” Dean said stopping him with a hand on his shoulder, “You wanna talk?”

Castiel looked at Dean’s concern but felt a hole of guilt build in his gut, “I…I don’t know if I can. I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Dean said confused.

“What happened! I just ran on you and you are just so...ugh...you should be pissed at me. I just left and you’re just...here.”

“Slow down there,” Dean said, wide eyed, “Look, Cas. I’m not gonna go running off cuz my feelings got hurt.”

Castiel swallowed, _‘I did hurt him.’_   "Dean.."

“It’s life. Look, it’s fine. We’re fine. Can we just go back to being friends already?”

Castiel watched the sincerity in his friends face and swallowed, "I'm going to make it all up to you one day."

"Nothing to make up." Dean shrugged.

"Dean." Castiel said gently, "I'm sorry."

"Cas. Stop." Dean refused holding his hand up, "Lets just go to class."

"Why won't you admit I hurt you!" Cas nearly yelled when the other began walking away.

"What would it change?" Dean asked turning around, his demeanor changing,  "You'd still be dating fucking Balthazar. I'm still dating Cole. Yeah. I'm hurt Cas, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. For fucks sake can we just Go. To. Class. I'll argue with you later if you want but dammit I told myself I'd get better grades and this isn't really helping!"

Castiel stood motionless, guilt swept him again, guilt and a flicker of jealousy. "Cole?" He said mostly to himself.

"I'm not doing this right now." Dean said shaking his head. "I'll see you at lunch. Oh, off topic. Charlie wanted to apologize for not answering the phone. Hell, maybe if she did we wouldn't be this screwed up." Dean said bitterly and walked off down the hall leaving Castiel in the hallway.

Castiel stood watching Dean leave, he didn’t know what more to say. Not until Chuck began sweeping the hallways did Cas make it to class. He argued with himself that he could skip it, but didn’t really feel like he should be running from this anymore.  His teacher gave him a raise eyebrow when he walked in but didn’t say anything. He choose a seat near the back and put his head down on the desk. He sent a quick text to Charlie with nothing more than a frowny face. Not quite sure how to put his feelings into words.

 **Charlie** : it’s your own fault, boo.

 **Cas** : I know.

 **Charlie** : you wanna talk about it?

 **Cas** : over text???

**Charlie** : lunch.

Cas nodded subconsciously then tried to focus on what his teacher was talking about. Forty five agonizing minutes later he got up as soon as the bell rang.

Castiel?” His teacher called him, just as he’d made it to the door. Reluctant he turned around. His teacher was fairly young with prematurely graying hair. He was a soft spoken man and did everything to make sure his students knew that he cared about them as well as their grades.

“Yeah?” he answered, not looking him directly in the eye.

“Is there...anything you wanna talk about? I’ve noticed you seem...well run down. If you don’t want to talk to me. Just, make sure you talk to someone.”

Castiel nodded and turned back out the door. He bumped into a few people in the hallway, unsure if it was because he didn’t have his glasses or because his mind was on Dean. ‘ _Charlie was right,_ ’ he thought, ‘ _it’s all my fault._ ’ His brain took him back to the look on Dean’s face when he had yelled at him.  He physically cringed and darted into the nearest bathroom. He could feel his heart race and need to be away from the chaos around him. He hid himself in the stall at the end of the row and locked the door behind him. ‘Breathe,’ he told himself. The main door opened and he felt himself jump.

“Dammit Charlie, what the hell?” It was Dean.

“Shut up Winchester, I’m gonna talk.”

“In the dude’s bathroom?”  

“Damn right. Not like I’m lookin to see any dude’s peepers.”  Charlie said in the most serious voice anyone could ever say ‘peepers’.

Castiel felt himself freeze and back slowly away from his stall door. He debated on pulling his feet up so that they couldn’t see his feet but thought better of it. Clearly, Charlie had something to say and neither cared if someone was in the room or not.

“Charlie…”

“Did I not say ‘shut up?’ Now listen up. Just because Castiel has been a total ass doesn’t mean you need to take it all out on him at once.”

“Fuck that.” Dean countered, “What they hell has he done for me?”

“God Dean. I’m not arguing for what Cassie has done, I’m just saying, he probably doesn’t realize how much he hurt you and you don’t need to go confronting and telling him off in front of anyone you damn well please.”

“Charlie, you make it sound like I was going to announce on the school mic that I hate the kid and that he’s stupid or something.”

“Dean. I’ve known Cassie for awhile now. The kid breaks down if any attention is on him with any amount of people around him. You can’t just let all your shit out on him with hundreds of kids around, most of which don’t like him anyway.”

“You don’t know-”

“Okay, so they don’t hate him but they don’t know him, so their only impression of him will be of you yelling at him.”

“Dammit, fine. Charlie. Fine. I’ll wait til after school.”

“Damn right you will. You may be one of my best friends but I’ll fucking kick you ass if you hurt Cassie.”

“He hurt me first! And quit calling him that. It pisses me off.”

“Oh boo hoo!” Charlie said sarcastically, “It’s not my fault that’s what his boyfriend call him too. Suck it up and woman up. Now get to class before I decide I’m sick of looking at your stupid face.” The bathroom door opened and closed leaving just the view of Dean’s sneakers.

“Fuck.” He said letting out a breath. Dean paced the room for a moment then left.

As soon as the bathroom door had closed for a second time, Cas made his way out as well. He stood for a moment just outside the door and thought about what he’d overheard. While he was happy that Charlie was looking out for him he couldn’t help but feel like she was wrong in assuming he couldn’t handle it. This in mind he set off for the lunchroom and waited there until the bell rang, he would wait for Dean and let him get everything off of his chest. When the bell did ring he felt all his anxiety dump on him in seconds. Still, he sat, he was in clear view of the entry into the room and watched every face waiting for the one he needed.

“Dean!” He called when the other had entered the room. Dean looked at him but kept walking. Apparently Charlie’s talk had worked and he was steering clear. Angry, Castiel stood up and walked over. He could feel his hands shaking, not out of anger but uncertainty. “Dean.” He said again within ear shot of him.

“What.” Dean said, it wasn’t a question.

“Can-can we talk? I’ll buy you food somewhere…” He offered.

Dean looked at him then sighed, “Don’t do me any favors, Cas.” but motioned for him to follow outside. “I can buy my own food. Thanks.”

“Dean.”

“Stop. Stop saying my name. I’m sick of it.”

“What happened to being cool with this? All the sudden you just lost it?”

“Everyone has a breaking point, Cas. Who said I was cool with it? How would you even know? The only time we spoke in the last week was about your mom. Your mom has nothing to do with...us.”

Castiel had to walk a bit faster to keep pace with Dean, “I’m sorry!” He pleaded.

“Ya, you’re sorry. I’m sorry, the world is sorry.” Dean grumbled, “Just get in the damn car.”

They drove in silence, Castiel wondered if this was something he really wanted to do, but knew there was no way out of it this time. He wanted to talk to Dean but kept his mouth shut and waited until they both had food. Cas ordered a large fry while Dean went for two and a half meal orders. They chose a far corner, and sat in silence for a few minutes, eating their food.

“You gonna say something?” Dean asked eventually.

“I-You get angry when I do.” Castiel said to his food.

“Well shit. I wonder why.”

“I just wanna talk!” Castiel said just loud enough for a few people to turn their heads. He lowered his voice and continued, “Look, will you just. Tell me. What’s going on?”

“I’m...I’m angry Cas.”

“I know.”

“Do you? Do you have any idea? Cas, I was totally cool with us and you just left! Then you come back with this asshole and tell me you wanna make things work with him but I wasn’t good enough for you?” Dean asked incredulously.

“You think it was easy? Dean, for all I knew you would dump me in a week anyway. I was just saving myself some heartbreak. You don’t have any room to judge Balth.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? First you tell me he cheated on you, broke your heart and basically left you to piece yourself back together but hell, if I want to have something with you I gotta prove me myself by climbing to the moon? Is that what it takes Cas?”

“Why are you even asking?! You sure took a long time to get over me!”

“Fuck. You.” Dean seethed, “I met Cole cuz he found me drunk as a skunk cuz I was missing you. You hadn’t talked to me in days. You told me that we couldn’t be anything. So yeah, I found some comfort. Fuck off.”

Cas sat still for a moment, “I didn’t think-”

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t think...look, Cas, I want to be your friend but you make me so damn angry! Despite that I still want to kiss your stupid face, but I’m not going to because you’re still pissing me the hell off.”

“That and you have a boyfriend now.”

“So do you!!” Dean argued, “If you wanted me. Truly. I would end things with Cole right now. I’d call him right now, but I can tell you’re still scared shitless that I’m going to go back on my word.”

“I’m not scared!”  Cas retorted, “I’m just...well.”

“You’re fucking scared. Well news flash. I’m scared too. Hell, I find out I actually have feelings for you then you just...you just gave up. Without a try. What did I do Cas?”

“Nothing, Dean. You didn’t do anything. I don’t have an explaination, and I know that’s the worst answer. I...I can’t ask you to give up any happiness you found. I...I didn’t want to screw up your life.”

“How-”

“Your dad! He scares me! Okay! He hurt you because you broke a plate!! I saw what he said t`o Charlie and she’s just your friend. Can you even imagine for a moment what he would do if he found you with me? The geeky, nerd, homosexual from down the street that turned his righteous boy?”

“That’s why you left?! Dammit Cas. My dad is going to be an asshole either way. Why would you think I’d chose him over you?”

“That’s not what I mean!” Cas said raising his voice again.

“Then what!?”

“I don’t want you to hurt because of me! I don’t want to see you bruised, I don’t want to see a hair on your head hurt because of me!”

“Bang up job you did Sherlock. Because guess what? I got hurt. Not by my dad, by you. You’re worth way more than a sideways hit.”

“Dean.” Castiel whispered, “I was trying to help.”

“Well you didn't.”

They stared at each other. Castiel felt his chest close up and wondered if Dean was having a similar emotion. He sat back in his chair but maintained eye contact. “You were right.”

“Yeah. No shit.”

“I’m talking about what you said on the phone.”

“The phone?” Dean asked confused, “What are yo-”

“I don’t like crying!” He burst, “It’s...it’s something I’ve been telling myself for years...since before I was friends with you. I….I was happy..to hear you remembered. Something. Anything really. Dean. Everything I know about me and you from our past is that I’m replaceable. I didn’t want to be replaced. There was no reason to have you beaten up if you were just going to leave.”

“Cas, you can’t just assume that everyone is going to abandon you.”

“For...for the sake of what is left of our friendship...can...would you give me another chance not to screw this up?”

Dean looked at Cas, eyes heavy, “Only if you promise to just be honest with me.”

“I promise.”

“So we’re cool?” Dean asked his voice low, uncertain.

“I think so….unless you need to yell at me more...I’d understand why..”

“Fuck. Cas. I really hate drama. Let’s just go back to school....Also. You look stupid without your glasses."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im thinking about writing an awkward double date...thoughts?


	31. Chapter 31

“Fuck. Cas. I really hate drama. Let’s just go back to school....also, you look stupid without your glasses." Dean added with an encouraging smile. He didn't feel completely okay with Cas but knew that they could get through it. However, he was furious with himself, ' _I don't get it. Why Cas? Any other person I'd give em a swift punch and tell em to get lost. What makes him so damn special?'_ He found himself thinking the entire drive back to school.

Just as Dean switched off the car into parking lot, Cas spoke finally. "Dean..."

"Oh my god, please stop saying my name like I'm an injured puppy."

Castiel sighed, "I don't deserve you. In any sense of the word. I know, I can't fix things...and I know...I can't change anything. I-I'm just happy...that you want me around. Even if it means we don't speak at school or once a week. I don't know...I just...feel more at ease when you're in my life."

Dean didn't know what to say, "Cas, we've been friends for like a couple months can you not make it sound like I'm your world?" He laughed.

Cas stared at him, not saying anything, then. "My apologies. I'll see you around." In an instant, Cas was already on his way to the school without a glance back.

"I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?" Dean sang to himself, packing his things as slowly as possible, then inching his way to class. ' _Why does he make it feel like I screwed up? He screwed up. You did nothin wrong._ ' He convinced himself and tuned off all his personal thoughts, determined to get some sort of information from his last class.

Dean nearly prayed aloud when the last bell rang and made his way to his car without talking to anyone. He wanted nothing more to go home, play some Mario with Sammy and go back to his normal life. There was no sign of Sam at the doors so he laid on top of his car, texting Sam to hurry it up and closed his eyes. Hoping the world would stop for a moment so he could catch his breath.

"Dean?" A voice asked cautiously.

Dean peeked one eye open and saw Kevin. "Oh." He sat up and did his best to put on a convincing smile. "What up?"

Kevin smiled, "I was...I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Well you are already."

"No, no, I mean. About relationships?" Kevin said in the same careful tone he started with.

"Listen Kev," Dean said, scratching his head, "I really don't know if-"

"You got Sam and Jess together. Plus you've dated loads of people." Kevin poked.

"Kev, look. I thought I knew everything...I just. Fucked up a lot lately in that area so-"

"Please Dean? I really like him...I'm just...invisible."

Dean practically felt Kevin's desperation from the look in his eyes. "Fine, but, if it doesn't pan out don't come crying to me again."

Kevin's eyes immediately glowed, "Really?! Dean! I'm so happy, um, do you wanna come by my place? Or I could go to yours? Oh but your dad...the coffee shop?!"

"Woah, woah. Calm. What about my dad?" Dean asked seriously.

"Oh, well. I have a major crush on a guy in my physics class...and Charlie has told me about...well."

Dean closed his eyes again, "Are you being serious or did Charlie send you to make me fix things with Cas?"

"You and Cas aren't an item?!" Kevin said in awe, "I had no idea! How long? Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Fuck." Dean muttered, "No. It's nothing. Forget I said it. It was like, three days. Nothing, honest."

Kevin tilted his head and eyed him, "Whatever you say..." but didn't sound convinced.

"Hey, Sammy is coming. I'll call you later? Or tomorrow?"

"Perfect." Kevin beamed and left with a doofy grin.

' _Great, what are you getting yourself into_ '. "Heya baby brother, you ready?"

"Deean. I'm almost fifteen. The whole 'baby brother' things is getting old."

"Aw, that's cute. You think you're grown up with a girlfriend now."

"That's not it." Said Sam sternly but blushed.

Dean smiled in victory and got into his car, desperate to leave. Sam was quiet but he didn't feel like digging into it, distracted with his own thoughts. He'd gone up over sixty before Sam told him to slow down. "Sorry," he apologized halfhearted.

"You think you're all grown up because your boyfriend is out of high school!" Sammy countered when they pulled in the driveway.

"Sammy, sammy, sammy. That joke was soooo ten minutes ago."

"Shut up." Sam said grumpily, and went inside without looking back.

"Someone is a grumpy little gus." Dean laughed to himself and followed his brother in. Starting to feel good again he considered taking  Missouri's photo albums back to her. He told Sammy his plan and ran upstairs to dig them out from under his bed. Carefully he put them in his backpack and started back downstairs.

"Dean?" His dad called to him.

He hung his head a followed the voice into his Dad's room. "Yeah?" He asked not really caring for an answer.

"Where you been all day?" John asked.

"Uh, school. It's Monday." Dean replied trying to keep the attitude out of his voice, but failing.

"Watch your tone," John chastised, "where is your brother?"

"Watching some nerd show. Look, I'm gonna go to Missouri's real quick."

"Who?"

"My old babysitter."

"Oh, right. Take Sam with you."

"Why? I'll be right back." Dean argued.

"Why not?" John huffed.

"Fine." he conceded then shouted, "SAMMY LETS GO." slamming the door behind him not bothering to listen to his father yell at him. Sam knew better than to ask questions and followed him out the door. They'd reached the car when John yelled from the door.

"You can walk! No damn reason to waste gas!"

Dean slammed Baby's door and stomped down the street ignoring everything else that poured out of his father's mouth. Sam sat in silence during the walk, which drove Dean crazy, making his nerves twitch, "I'm not upset at you, you can speak ya know."

Sammy flinched, "I don't have anything to say..."

Dean stopped walking, "I'm sorry." He whispered just loud enough for his brother to hear.

"It's okay. Maybe Missouri will know." Sam asked off topic.

"Know what?"

"Why the years skip in your photos."

"Oh yeah..." Dean said remembering the pictures.

They  waited only a moment for Missouri to answer the door. "Well lookie, if it isn't the Winchester's. What do I owe the pleasure?"

"We brought back your photo albums!" Sammy burst.

"Er, yeah." Dean agreed.

"Come on in, I just finished the pie I was working on. Let's chat while it cools."

Apple pie flooded Dean's nose, and he felt a wave of calmness sweep through him, "My mom used to make apple pie." He said without thinking.

"She did?" Sam asked curiously, Dean didn't often talk about Mary.

"She sure did," Missouri chuckled, "it was the only way I could get Dean here to eat when he was little."

Dean felt his ears flare, "Missouri?" He asked wanting to change the subject.

"Yes?"

"Uh.."

"We wanna know about the pictures. Dean goes from age seven to like twelve." Sam piped in.

She looked at Dean, puzzled, "You don't know? Well that explains a whole lot."

"How did you not know that I didn't know?" Dean countered.

Missouri raised an eyebrow, "Sit boys, looks like we got a lot to talk about."

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_"Dean! You out there?!" Missouri was calling to him from the porch. Dean poked his head up from under a bush. He considered hiding until Miss Missouri came to find him but stepped out of the brush anyway._

_"Here I am!" He answered running towards her._

_"Look at you, covered in dirt. Why don't you come on inside and we can watch something til your daddy comes to get you."_

_Just before his foot landed on the first step on the porch, there was a squeal of tires coming from down the road. Startled, Dean tripped on the stair, and curled into a ball. He didn't dare close his eyes. He covered his ears and held onto the breath in his lungs. It sounded as though Missouri was talking to him from across the street but he could see her right in front of him. He felt himself scream but didn't hear it, terrified he felt tears in his eyes._

_"It's my fault. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Make it stop. Please, Missouri, I won't ask anymore, I promise. I'm sorry."_

_The world was coming back up to speed, Missouri's arms were holding onto him, keeping him safe. Shaking, he buried his head into her shoulder and let himself cry._

_"Dean, honey, it's not your fault."_

_"It-t" he hiccuped, "it is. No more Cas. No more hospitals. I gotta be around for Sammy. Daddy lost--mom-ma too. He can't lose Sammy."\_

_"Shhh, Dean." She soothed in his ear. "You're not gonna get hurt anymore, you don't have to go back to the doctor and I'm sure Cas misses you."_

_Dean could make any recognizable words anymore, but he knew, even if Missouri wouldn't tell him. She was just being nice. '_ I can't have Cas, daddy gets mad. I can't have daddy mad cuz I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I gotta stick out for Sammy. I'm his brother. I gotta be brave.' _All that came out however was, "Daddy...no more...Sammy. Gotta...Sammy."_

_He didn't know how long she held onto him, he must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew his head was on the soft pillow of Missouri's couch and a blanket was tucked carefully around him. He unraveled himself and walked towards the kitchen. Dean nearly called out for his babysitter when he heard his daddy in the other room._

_"Don't tell me how to raise my boys! Dean is fine!"_

_"Then why was the boy crying for an hour because of a car slamming on the breaks?!"_

_"For god sakes. He's a kid! He's eight! He'll get over it!" John was yelling._

_Dean found it hard to swallow but stayed hidden behind the kitchen wall. He sat down on the floor determined to not be seen._

_"John! The boy is terrified, you gotta at least talk him through everything!"_

_"Like hell. I'm telling you. He'll grow out of it. Dammit, where is Sam? I have to get going I don't have all day to argue."_

_Dean ran quickly back to the sanctuary of the couch and hid under the blanket feigning sleep. There was a nudge from his dad's hand and Dean rolled over smiling like he'd just woke up. "Hi daddy."_

_The corner of john's mouth tweaked in a smile and he ruffled his hair, "How's my trooper? Where's your baby brother?"_

_Dean led his dad upstairs to where Sammy napped and help gather Sammy's toys. He swung Sam's bag over his shoulder and followed his dad downstairs. He saw Missouri give his dad a funny look but she smiled when he came over to say goodbye._

_"You take care of yourself, Deanie."_

_"Okay, but after Sammy." He grinned and took his brother's hand walking him to the car until daddy was done talking. He buckled his brother in, then himself, waiting patiently. Eventually John got back in and they headed home._

_As usual Dean helped get Sammy out of his seat then dressed in pj's, so he wouldn't have to later. He brought some of Sam's toys in his room so his brother could play while he did homework. When he finished all his math, he played with Sammy until the sun was gone. Together they brushed their teeth and Dean took a sleepy Sam to bed; making sure to sing 'Hey Jude' before he left the room._

_He opened his own door when Daddy walked by, "I'm sorry!" He burst out._

_"Yeah? For what?" Daddy said, his voice was husky and he smelled funny._

_"Today...I heard you."_

_"Little sneak, yeah, well what do you think Dean? Do you need some help? Is the world just too scary for you? Suck it up. Life only gets worse. Now go to bed." John said sorely then shut his bedroom door._

_Dean gulped, he was happy daddy didn't hit him, but was sad because he knew his daddy was right.'_ I gotta be tough, _' he told himself and gently opened his door and closing it the same so he wouldn't wake Sam. He pulled his covers up over his head and let himself cry. As long as no one saw him cry then it would be okay. By the time his tears ran out he knew, '_ I gotta be a big brother. I gotta be brave. I'm tough, I'm okay.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, i dunno why i like writing sad stuff. not gone apologize tho


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if this will help. But my personality headcanons for this fic are. 
> 
> Castiel: shy, socially awkward, borderline depression. 
> 
> Dean: confident awkward, teddy bear, heart o gold but temper like the hulk.

Castiel was annoyed. Sure, Dean was right about them being quick friends but to just shut him down completely, hurt. He stopped walking and thought about leaving for the day. Reluctantly, he pushed open the library doors and tried to keep himself occupied.

"Cassie?" Balthazar was poking his head around a corner.

Castiel smiled for what felt like the first time since he'd left that morning. He put down the books he'd been sorting and hugged his boyfriend tightly. "I missed you."

"More than these?" Balthazar sang and pulled his glasses from a pocket.

Grinning, Cas restored them to his face and kissed Balth lightly, "It's a tough call." He teased. Balth pouted and pulled him closer by his belt loops.

Knowing full well no would come by he smirked and led Balth down a few rows, then pushed him against a bare wall. Neither said anything but just enjoyed each other. Balthazar started by sucking a hickey onto his neck, where it joined with his shoulder, while Cas maneuvered his feet between the other boy's  and rocked, feeling his boyfriend harden on his thigh. Feeling smug, and a thousand times better than earlier, he joined their lips in a mess of tongues. Castiel felt his own dick twitch every time Balthazar's breath hitched between kisses.

"Fuck," Balth gasped, breathing heavily, "I love that fucking look in your eyes."

Castiel continued kissing him with everything he could give but a worry nagged at the back of his mind, suddenly he felt distant from the moment. For the most part he was loving this, but a corner of his mind was tugging at him, still sad about the events with Dean. He shook his head, trying to boot them out of mind but once there, it was all he was thinking about. Angry at himself he pushed Balth back and kissed him deeper, wanting to lose himself.

"Cassie?" Balth interrupted, pushing Cas back just far enough that he was in focus, "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Cas asked but didn't look him in the eye.

"Darling, I grew up with you. Tell me?"

Castiel felt his throat close up, he didn't even know what was bothering him so much. Still he knew Balth would get it out of him eventually, he sighed pulled the other onto a hug; curling his head in against Balth's neck.

"I don't know." Cas got out, muttering softly.

Balthazar stroked a hand through Cas' hair and kissed his forehead, "Cassie, you can tell me."

"But you'll hate me."

"Never could."

Cas swallowed, "Before you took me to California...I kinda...I kind of ran out on Dean."

"So you guys were a thing? I kinda thought so."

"Well kind of. We were friends then something a little more, then I panicked and went with you. I only freaked cuz his dad is crazy. Now he's dating another dude and he hates me. Now you're gonna hate me because of all this garbage and I just wanna forget." Cas rambled quickly, wanting to get all his problems off his chest at the same time. He braced himself for what Balthazar was inevitably going to say.

"I don't hate you. I'm sure Dean doesn't hate you. Cassie, I just...I want you to be with me because you love me, not because you were running away. Are you still running away?" Balth asked sincerely.

"No." Castiel responded, even though he knew he had feelings for Dean he couldn't let go of a constant in his life, "You keep me grounded."

Balthazar smiled and kissed him properly, "I'm gonna go back to your place. We can stay in tonight? Watch a movie?"

Castiel nodded and kissed his boyfriend one last time, "I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner."

"I'll be at home, don't worry about me, love."

With Balthazar gone Cas was left with his thoughts again. A corner of his chest ached, he missed Dean, but he knew he couldn't fix it. Still, he was angry Dean treated him like a nobody. _'If I'm so replaceable then why get mad about me leaving? Why be mad at all? Ugh, you're stupid Dean Winchester...it's not like it matters.' He concluded, 'he's got a new guy. I'm just...I was... a stepping stone.'_ Cas had taken out his phone to text Dean but held back. He really didn't want to make anything worse than it already was. The bell rang to end the day, getting him out of making any rash decisions. He gathered his things and walked out of the library swiftly, not wanting to stick around. Fate chose differently.

"Art boy." Meg called to him on the school steps.

He almost walked away without talking but thought better, "Yes, Meg?"

"Where you off to so fast?"

"Uh...home. The school day is over."

"Riiight, listen. I hear you tutor, any chance I can get you to my place sometime?"

Feeling awkward Cas stepped back, "I would rather somewhere public."

"Aw, well I just figured you were making house calls to Dean, maybe I'd have a shot." She pouted.

"Uh. That...was different. Also, we would meet in a coffee shop. Look, I gotta get going."

"Wait," she cooed, and grabbed his left hand, "take my number." she wrote it on the inside of his palm, and he wondered briefly if he could rub it off by the time he got home.

"Um, I don't think-"

"Just think about it." She winked at him.

Luckily he was rescued, "Casssssie!!!" Charlie was yelling at him; not too friendly either.

He turned to her voice and watched the anger bubble in her eyes. "Hi." He said casually. Not wanting Meg to know all the drama in his life.

"With me. Now." She grumbled and grabbed his other hand, "Sorry Meg. He'll have to get back to you. He's already got two people he's messing with. Try again when he's straight."

Castiel blushed but let Charlie pull him away. From one awkward situation to another he found himself sitting in a coffee shop with a very angry friend.

"What the HELL." She seethed.

"Charlie, wait." He tried to stop the rant to say he talked to Dean already.

"Oh no you don't Novak." She held up a finger to stop him, "Here I stick my neck out for you about my other bestest friend and you go and crush him. Now, I love you Cassie. But if you don't fix this, next time I'll shove you into a closet with Meg and let her have her way with you."

"Charlie! I talked to him today!"

"Like I don't know that? God, Cassie. You think he's just over it?"

"Yeah. I do." He lied, "He sure didn't have a problem with me leaving today. I guess I'm back to square one. Thanks for all your help." He accused sarcastically.

"Oh shut up. You know Dean is still upset, why do you think he ran off with Cole?"

"Because, he's over me and ready to get on with his life."

"Cas." Charlie said testily.

"I have Balth and its okay. I'll be okay, Dean will be happy and he'll go on living a happy dandy life."

"Cas," she said softer, "we both know that isn't true."

"Unfortunately it is. Look. I'm not going to step on Dean's life anymore. I'll just go back to being the invisible nerd. I'm good at that."

"God, you boys are stupid. Can't you just kiss each other and make up?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Are we done? I told Balth we'd watch a movie."

Charlie set down her glass and sighed, "Sure, whatever you say."

"Are we okay?" Castiel asked, worried about the answer.

"Yeah, Cassie, we're okay."

Castiel smile halfhearted and excused himself. He turned her down for a ride home. Wanting to be left alone. He looked again at his phone to see if Dean had said anything but only his blank background displayed. He sighed and tucked it into a rarely used pocket in his coat and let the chill in the air take control over his thoughts.

Once home, warmth flooded through him. Happy to have feeling in his fingers and face again he hung his coat up, "Balth?" He called to the empty looking house. "Are you here?"

"Coming!" Balthazar answered from upstairs, "You caught me mid stream. Why are you back so late?"

"Nothing really. Charlie wanted to talk." He sighed and kissed Balth hello.

"Mm," Balth hummed and pulled him to the couch, "Now, would you rather cuddle and watch a movie or pick up where we left off in the library?"

"Balth...I don't...I don't know what to feel right now."

Balth studied him, "Would you like me to leave?"

"No." Castiel answered quickly, "I just. I don't know anymore."

"About us?"

"No...and yes. I know I love you, but I...I. There is too much already. I have you, which I love, but terrifies me, what happens when you find I'm not enough anymore?"

"Cassie-"

"What happens if my mom really is gone? What happens when I'm all alone? What happens when this is all too much; for me, for you, for us? What happens when I decide I need to be alone? I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

"Cassie," Balth soothed, and pulled him into a hug. "No one is forcing you to do anything. I'm not the same person I was, and it seems like you aren't either. I'm fine with that, but I wonder if you are."

"I-I" Castiel started but was surprised that his voice cracked, "You-you've done so much for me."

Balthazar wiped tears from his face that he didn't know we're falling, "I'll stay as long as you need me." He promised.

Castiel swallowed and held tighter to his boyfriend, "I love you."

"I know sweetie. And I you." He assured and kissed his head.

"I think I need to sleep." Castiel said after a moment.

"Would you like me to come with?" Balth asked stroking his hair.

Castiel nodded but didn't say anything. Silently, he pulled the other with him, wanting the comfort of someone near. He stripped his jeans off and crawled into bed, curling up in a ball. He felt Balthazar behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist. Grateful, Castiel gripped his hand and gave a short squeeze then let go. Wanting to be in his own thoughts but not alone.

Sleep came quicker than he'd expected. His dreams weren't steady however; Dean wove in and out, along with Balthazar. He found himself running but didn't know where. He hid behind large bush, only to be startled by his mom.

"Castiel? Angel?" She asked, "What's wrong sweetie?"

Castiel marveled at her, happy to see her next to him, "I'm lost. I think I'm lost. Why are you here? You should be resting. I'll find it."

"Find what?" She asked.

"I-I don't know." Cas answered truthfully.

"Hon, it's time to get up." She told him, smiling at him.

"No," he pleaded, "Stay. I need you. Stay."

"Cassie. Darling, it's dark." His mother said but in Balth's voice.

Waking sharply, he sat up and took in the room around him. Night had fallen, but he assumed it wasn't too late.

"What time-"

"It's seven. I figured you shouldn't sleep any longer." Balth said.

Castiel looked at him, squinting at the light that came on, "You got dressed."

"Never got undressed. Your mom called, I think we should go visit her."

Castiel nodded and pulled back on his pants. He let Balthazar drive and forced his mind to go blank on the drive over there. He tried to listen to what Balth was saying but couldn’t focus. It was if his mind had shut down to anything of importance. All that flowed in and out was the passing of trees, the color of cars that were going by and the occasional song lyric on the radio. He nodded every once and awhile hoping that Balth thought he was paying attention.

“We’re here, you ready?” Balthazar asking him.

Castiel looked up surprised, not knowing they had even stopped, he apologized and got out of the car, walking sluggishly to the front doors. The nurses were warily to let him in until they found out who he was visiting. A different nurse led them to her bedroom where Anna was reading a book. Everything looked so simple and Castiel felt tears in his eyes.

“Angel?” she asked worried when she saw him.

He didn’t know what she said next, he ran over to her and hugged her tightly, letting the tears fall from his face. Not caring that Balthazar still stood in the doorway not sure what to do, not caring that his mother was whispering in his ear to try to calm him down, not caring that he looked like his five year old self again crying at her bedside. It seemed as if all the emotion he’d been holding that day flooded at once and he couldn’t stop. He felt his body shaking, his heart pace faster, and his eyes dry out but he held strong to his mother.

“Momma.” He whispered, not wanting Balthazar to hear him. He hadn’t called her that in ages but needed some connection to make him feel like he was still here, exsisting, that this world wasn’t a nightmare he was trapped in, that he wasn’t alone.

“Oh angel.” She consoled, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. I’m so sorry love.”

“I don’t know.” He cried still. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?” She asked softly.

“Anything.”

“You can tell me...Balthazar stepped out a few minutes ago.”

“Its not him...it’s me. I just...I just made everything wrong. I can’t fix it. I can’t help anyone. I was trying to hard but it all just fell apart. I fell apart.”

“Honey, you are the strongest person I know. Not knowing is a part of life. Now, I’m not saying I have all the answers or I wouldn’t be sitting in this stale hospital bed still. Angel,” she said to grab his attention, making him look in her eyes, “you are not a failure. You keep me going, I just forget that sometimes. I’m going to fix it. Look at me. I’m a mess. You’re a mess. The world is a mess. I promise I’ll try if you do too.”

Castiel nodded unable to speak. He sat back and let himself sit in the chair beside her, he held onto her hand still, wanting to feel connected. “I’m so distant. I don’t know what I did.”

“Just work your way back sweetie.” Anna soothed, “Good news, they’re letting me go home tomorrow….bad news, I won’t be going to work for a few days.”

“I’ll be here.” Castiel promised, squeezing her hand.

“I know Castiel, you always are. It’s late, you should let Balthazar drive you home. Get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Castiel rubbed his eyes and nodded, he felt slightly lighter. He couldn't find the right words to say goodbye, so he kissed her forehead and left without another word, knowing she’d understand. He found Balth asleep on a bench outside and wondered how long he’d been talking to his mom. He rubbed a hand through Balthazar’s hair to wake him.

“I’ll take us back.” he said quietly, and led Balthazar by the hand back outside. He was careful not to say ‘home’ because he still didn’t know where he stood on the matter. Balthazar didn’t seem to noticed and followed him, resting his head on Cas’ shoulder.

By the time they made it back it was after midnight. Castiel began to suggest that Balth could still stay in his room but he waved it off. “I’ll sleep in the guest room. I think we both need some space.” he kissed Castiel on the cheek and took the steps upstairs two at a time, “Night love.” he said still within earshot and disappeared into the far room down the hall.

Castiel sighed, he felt drained, lighter, but exhausted. Unlike Balth, he took the steps slowly not wanting the day to end only knowing that another one was ahead of him. His mind went back to what his mother said, and a small burst of courage hit him. He had to keep trying, ‘ _one day at a time_ ’, he told himself and crawled back into bed. Missing the feeling of someone beside him. He closed his eyes and willed sleep to come.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i think we needed some happy...well happier. after that episode -_-' 10x22

Dean woke in a chill, groaning he went to his window, sure enough snow was falling lightly. He smiled, and went to the bathroom to get ready for school. He knew he was up early because Sammy’s door was still closed, and his brother was usually up first. With this in mind, he took an extra long time in the shower, knowing he wasn’t keeping anyone. Only when he was light headed from the heat did he climb out. He gave his hair a quick brush through with his hands and brushed his teeth. He wondered why he was in such a good mood but didn’t want to question it too much because he hadn’t felt this good in a long time. He pulled on an old pair of jeans and his favorite hoodie and went downstairs to make some breakfast for Sammy.

Halfway through the eggs, Sammy stumbled into the kitchen. “Why are you up?” his brother asked in a scratchy voice.

“I dunno. Was cold. Got up. Breakfast.” Dean shrugged and placed a plate of food in front of him.

“Uh. Thanks.” Sam said still half asleep, “Did you get to third base with Cole or something?”

Dean dropped his spatula, “Wha-No. Noo. I haven’t even seen Cole in a couple days. What. Why. What makes you think that?”

Sammy shrugged, “You’re never this happy unless you got laid, thought I’d ask.”

“Well. You’re wrong.” Dean said smugly, then realized that he hadn’t even talked to Cole in a few days. “I’ll be right back.”

He dug out his phone from underneath a pile of clothes. He had thrown it there the day before not wanting to talk to anyone. He had a few texts from Charlie asking if he was alright, a missed call from Kevin, and four messages and a voicemail from Cole.

“Ah, fuck.” he muttered, and called him back, hoping he would answer.

“Hey sunshine,” Cole greeted.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I...a lot happened...I’m sorry I didn’t pick up.”

Cole laughed, “You’re just fine, anything I should know?”

Dean thought back through his days with Cas, “Um, not that I can think of. Just friend issues.”

“Ah,” Cole acknowledged, “does this mean you figured out everything?”

“No.” Dean sighed, “I mean, we’re friends again, I guess. I still wanna date you though...if that’s okay.”

“I’m alright with that,” Cole laughed again, “Could I take you to dinner later though? I have something I gotta tell you about.”

“That would be awesome.” Dean accepted, smiling, ‘See, good day already.’

He made plans to call Cole again after school and finished getting ready, cleaning up his mess from this morning and making sure the dishes were washed and put away. Just before seven Sammy came back into the kitchen this time dressed and ready.

“Awesome.” Dean said, and pointed his brother to the door so they could get going.

“Are you humming Metallica?” Sam asked on the drive over.

“What?” Dean said raising an eyebrow, “Maybe, I dunno. Why?”

Sammy leaned over the seat and looked at his brother closely, “Are you sure you didn’t get laid?”

“Sam!” Dean exasperated, “You know me. If I got laid I totally would have told you by now.”

“I guess.” Sam said sitting back but still looking at his brother like he had three heads.

Putting his little brother’s thoughts out of his own head he tried to focus the rest of the day on actual school work. By second period however, he found that he would rather learn about history during a movie, he could feel his mind wander as the teacher started talking about god knows what. Sighing, he put his head down on his desk and waited for the class to be over.

"Praise," he said when the bell finally rang. He had to stop himself from skipping and went to hunt down Charlie for lunch. He found her in the corner of the cafeteria sipping on chocolate milk. Contemplating how he was going to apologize, he got stopped mid way.

"Dean!" Victor wrapped an arm around him, "I haven't even talked to you since fall break. What up?"

"Uh," Dean thought, "Nothing really. Oh. I'm dating someone?"

"Why was that in question formation dude?"

"Well it's only been a couple weeks."

Vic nodded, "So...details! Is she hot? Do I know her?"

Dean felt a blush bubble on the back of his neck, "You don't know him. He's...21."

"Damn!" Vic chortled, "Dean, you can get anyone you want I swear."

He forced a laugh and tried to excuse himself but Victor wanted them to eat together so he could get all the details. Dean glance and Charlie trying to get her gaze but she was on her phone. Mentally, he promised to text her and joined his other friends for lunch. All seemed in a good mood except Meg. Not that she was all sunshine normally but she hardly spoke a word and poked at her food.

"Meg?" Dean asked while the others had a deep discussion about which Pokemon was the best, "You okay?"

"Dean Winchester," she drawled, "asking lowly lil ol me if I'm okay. I'm peachy. Thanks."

"Come on," Dean tried giving her a sideways smile but she glared. "Really? Nothin?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes." Dean rolled his eyes, "obviously."

"It's your stupid boyfriend and that red head."

"Cole? How do you know him? What did Charlie do?"

"She acts all high and mighty, but side note, who the fuck is Cole and what happened with Cas?"

"Uh." Dean paused. "Me and Cas are just friends. Lay off on Charlie though, she's just been pissed with me."

"Two for three there." Meg said, now looking more like herself.

Dean shifted, "Cole is my boyfriend." He whispered not wanting the whole table to hear. He knew that Vic and Jo were cool with all this but he couldn't vouch for the rest of them.

"You ditched art boy?" Meg asked surprise in her voice.

"Art boy," Dean emphasized, "ditched me actually."

"Damn. That's sucks."

"Yeah."

"So if art boy-"

"Castiel."

"Right. If he ditched you why is fire head mad?"

Dean thought for a minute, he really didn't want to give Meg too much about the situation. "Too long of a story. Sorry."

"Whatever, so art boy on the market then?"

"You bounce back quick. And no. He is dating someone. Also. He's gay."

Meg rolled her eyes, "Can't blame a girl for tryin, I mean look at you. Maybe art boy goes both ways too."

"On that note," Dean started, now slightly annoyed, "I gotta get going."

Swinging his backpack on his shoulder he went in search of Charlie again, as she was no longer sitting in the corner. He browsed the rest of the cafeteria but couldn't see her. Kicking himself for not talking to her earlier he went down the art hall, it was always a good chance.

"Ugh!!" Dean grumbled when she wasn't there either. Fed up he went to the library, praying that if Cas was there so was Charlie. He swung a left and went in the back door. Immediately he heard voices. Charlie and Cas. He smiled at his wit and started up the ramp when he realized they were talking about him. Carefully he tiptoed back and leaned against the wall, curious about the situation.

"I honestly don't know who I'm more mad at."

"Oh come on," Cas tried to reason. "I can see why you're pissed at me but what did Dean do?"

"He's an idiot."

"Charlie."

"The kid is practically puppy eyes all over you then dates someone else? In a week? Dean? Dean doesn't date he gets laid."

Dean couldn't argue that one and smirked. He shifted on his feet which were falling asleep from being crouched down.

"Char-"

"Did I sound like I was done?! You. You're back with Balthazar? The Balthazar who lied to you? Who cheated on you? Who went three years without picking up the damn phone and you just went back? Did I not spent a whole night talking you through this shit once? Do I need to again? Did I get put into a video game? What the hell?!"

"That's no reason to be mad at Dean. Look, I fucked this all up. It's not your issue to worry about. I love you, but sometimes you gotta let things go."

' _Woah_ ,' Dean marveled, _'Cas swore._ '

"You're right. I give up. You're both idiots. I'm gonna go scratch my anger out in some charcoal."

Dean listened to the front door open and close, meaning Charlie has left. This left Dean in an awkward spot. Pick himself up and talk to Cas or try to sneak back out of the library without Cas noticing. He took a deep breath and stood up waiting to see the look on Cas' face of his arrival; but of course Cas was turned around the other direction.

Playing it cool, Dean made himself noticeable and stomped up the ramp, greeting Cas like it was a surprise to see him there.

Cas tilted his head, "Dean, I'm here a good forty percent of the time."

"Uh, never mind."

"If you're here to get mad at me again, go for it. Charlie just got her fill in and I may as well get it all over at once."

Dean gripped his backpack strap tighter, he wasn't really mad; just hurt. "I'm not here to yell at you."

"Then why? Because you make me feel guilty even when I look at you? You wanna taunt me with your 'happy go lucky relationship'? Or maybe. Maybe...fuck. I don't even care. Why are you here?"

It was then that Dean realized he didn't know why he was here. He opened his mouth but nothing came out, so he closed it and just stared. Cas looked small. He swallowed, "I...I wanted to check up on you."

Castiel laughed mirthlessly, "Dean. I am pulled in about eight different directions. I'm near booting myself off to Canada."

Dean nodded, "Bit cold there."

Castiel rolled his eyes and started to gather books that were laying on the table. Glanced up at him then turned away.

"Wait, Cas, don't just walk away."

"Why?" Cas said in a shaky voice.

Dean hadn't ever seen Cas cry, he walked towards his friend, "Cas, we're friends. You can talk to me." Dean had no idea what possessed him to say this, 'Me? Asking about people's feelings. What the hell.'

"Dean, you are too good of a person to put up with me. Why are you here?"

"God Cas, does there have to be a reason?! Can't we just go back to being awkward friends who make small awkward talk? Where's that Cas?"

"I can't do this," Cas broke.

Dean watched as Castiel's shoulders shook. Knowing that he'd finally snapped, Dean didn't know what to do. It would be heartless to not comfort him but he didn't want to make Cas feel anymore vulnerable. Making up his mind, he put a hand on Cas' shoulder and spun him around.

"Cas. You don't have to be a rock you know? You're human, we have emotions."

"You do it." Cas countered, "How often has Sam seen you break down? Or anyone?"

"I'm an asshole. I don't like people getting in my business. But you-you're a teddy bear."

Cas looked at him with a tear streaked face, his eyes deep blue from the water welling in them, Dean noted they looked like the ocean.

"I-I." Cas paused. "Why. Why stick around with me? I'm poison...I'm so tired Dean, I'm so done. I'm angry, annoyed and I feel like I'm losing everything, like the world is drifting and I'm just sitting here; making all the wrong decisions."

Dean pulled Cas into a hug, right now it didn't matter what Cas did, what he didn't do or how he felt about him. He knew that phrasing. Where it took people, and the darkness that grew with it.

"Castiel Novak. You are an important person who loves deeply. You gotta stick around with me buddy."

Castiel gripped the back of Dean's shirt and let all his wall down. Dean felt him start to cry again and mumble apologies into his shirt. "This spot? This hole? I've been down it, climb out. I don't care how long it takes. Get there."

"I can't."

"Didn't say it had to be soon. Just, try?"

"I'm sorry." Castiel mumbled pulling away, "you -you don't need this. Or me."

"Shut up Cas."

Castiel stared, taken aback. "What?"

"I said, shut up. You don't get to choose what others think about you. Why do you assume I don't. Huh? And what about Balthazar? He's gotta care about you. Let's not even start on how much your mom loves you."

"She's not going to be around forever."

"Cas?" Dean asked after a moment. "Do you wanna come over and watch Lord of the Rings with me and Sammy later?"

A weird watered chuckle came from Cas, "Can we start with the Fellowship?"

Dean agreed rapidly, he'd be damned before he let anyone else sink into that hell he'd been through. "Of course. Anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like some of you are gonna disagree with me on the ending of this one... but when I have my worst days. A hug is like...the greatest thing in the world. After feeling so alone it's like a drug to have someone want to hold you.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait guys...i had...a really. really. really. suck ass weekend...
> 
> Also. I thought I'd share. I have headcanon songs for the relationships in this.
> 
> Dean/Cas: Feel Again - OneRepublic, The Take Over the Break's Over - Fall Out Boy, 
> 
> Cas/Balth: Stay with Me - Sam Smith, Nicotine - Panic at the Disco
> 
> Dean/Cole: Young Volcanoes - Fall Out Boy, Can't Stop, Won't Stop - The Maine

As soon as Dean left, Castiel felt self conscious as well as a weird sense of hope. His eyes hurt from the tears but his lungs felt open and clear. A slight headache was bubbling under his temple but he attempted to will it away. The after effects of his mental break were catching up. Already, his limbs seemed to weigh and he desired nothing more than to crawl in a corner and sleep.

Unfortunately, there was still one period left of the day. He walked into English nearly grabbing the desks for support as he went to a corner seat. He half listened to his teacher; thinking about if it wasn't for her than he wouldn't have probably have Dean and Sam in his life again. A double edged sword it seemed. He sighed and struggled for another hour to keep focus on the lesson.

At the end he pried himself off his desk and prepared for the walk home. He tried to not make eye contact with anyone in the hall, purely, he wished he could vanish, maybe reappear in his bed. Away from the world, his problems, the anxiety, stress, and all the mistakes he'd made. He could see the beacon of the front doors when his painting teacher caught up to him.

"Castiel!" The professor called out to him, just as his hand made contact with the door handle.

"Yes?" He answered, turning around but didn't have the energy to fake a grin.

"Don't mean to bother you, but that art show is coming up in January and I was just checking to make sure you were still interested because I didn't see you in class."

"Yes, of course. My life has just been...well a roller coaster lately. But yes, please, enter my name down."

With a smile he was once again left alone and he happily continued his journey home. That was until he stepped outside and realized it was still snowing. Reluctant, he pulled his coat tighter and stepped out into the chill. While he knew that the walk was only about ten minutes it seemed six times longer in the heavy snow. His feet sunk every once and awhile into a puddle hidden by the fresh powder. By the time he reached his house his feet felt like ice, his nose was running, and his fingers began to twitch at the sense of heat that had invaded once again. Peeling off the frozen outer layer he realized he was being watched.

"Hello Angel," his mother was smiling. She was wrapped in a bathrobe, holding a warm mug, of what Castiel assumed was hot chocolate.

"You look cozy." He smiled.

"Decided to take just one more day off work." She shrugged and say herself on the front couch. "How was your day?"

"Fine," he answered he didn't really want her to worry when she has so much going on. "You don't need to you know..." He said quietly.

"Don't need to what?" Anna asked absentminded, sipping her drink.

"Work, Dad left enough. You don't have to push yourself so hard."

His mother didn't answer for a moment, he was worried she was going to cry or yell at him, but she smiled, "I know, but it keeps me busy. Keeps me thinking about bigger pictures than myself."

Castiel nodded and excused himself upstairs. He opened his bedroom door, expecting Balthazar to be sitting on his bed but he wasn't in the room. Curious, he poked his head into the guest rooms but he wasn't there either. He furrowed his brow and pushed the thought out. Just because Balth wasn't here now doesn't mean he left. ' _He wouldn't just leave'_ , he told himself and went in search of warmer clothing. After doing so, he curled up in his bed and started some sketches of what he would possibly submit for the art show. Before he knew it the sun had gone down. Surprised no one had disrupted him, he ventured out of his room and did a double check through the house. His mother was still in the living room but the rest of the house was silent.

"Mom?" He asked after circling the kitchen. She hummed in response to show she was listening. "Did...did Balthazar leave?"

"Yeah," she called back, "he told me he'd be in touch."

"That's it?" Castiel asked his heart sinking.

"Well, he said he hoped I felt better soon and that he was glad you are around for me." She paused, "He's such a nice boy."

"Yeah." Cas agreed, heart sinking lower. He tapped his phone on the counter a few times wondering if he should call. A spark of envy hit his chest, ' _it's not fair_ ,' he pondered, ' _how can he just walk away without even saying goodbye. Lucky bastard._ ' Too drained to do anything about it he went back upstairs, ready for his cocoon of blankets.

Before he pulled the blanket over his head the doorbell rang. Groaning he got up to go answer it. _'If it's Balth he can wait in the snow.'_ He thought bitterly. As he reached the landing he found that his mom had already gotten it. Following her to the living room was Dean. Cas swallowed and went down, feeling awkward about the events previously that day.

"Heya Cas," Dean greeted with a much brighter smile than his outer appearance looked. There was still snow in his hair, turning it a dark shade of brown, his cheeks rosy from the cold, making his freckles stand out, and chill that Dean tried to brush off as a simple shake of his shoulders.

"Dean?" He asked trying to keep the surprise out of his voice, "What are you doing here?"

"Lord of the Rings? I came to kidnap you for a day of nerd like fun."

"Oh, when you said later I thought you meant this weekend or next...I didn't think-"

"Just go get your coat," Dean laughed rolling his eyes, "Sammy is out in the car."

His mother was positively beaming at him, feeling about the size of an ant he went back upstairs to grab a jacket that wasn't soaked in water. Throwing it on he quickly ruffled his hair, so it didn't look like he'd been laying down since he got home.

He bid his mom an awkward goodbye and left with his friend, feeling that maybe he wasn't awkward, maybe the universe was set on making his life in general awkward. He climbed into Baby's back seat and smiled at Sammy who was in the front.

"You look almost silly without the trench coat." Sam giggled.

"Oh, I wasn't aware I wore it that often." He said looking down at his current choice of clothing. He was still in sweatpants and a pair of old shoes. Self consciously fiddling with a hole in his jacket and did his best to smile at his friend.

"Leave 'im alone," Dean laughed, "not like you look like a dreamboat all day either."

"Dreamboat?" Sammy mimicked, "I only said he looked different."

"Shuddap," Dean said rolling his eyes. "I'm thinkin burgers and fries."

"The roadhouse?" Sammy asked.

"Sounds reasonable, you Cassie?" Dean asked a smirk on his lips.

Castiel wanted to correct him but figured that Sam wouldn't want to hear the drama of his pathetic love life, "Sounds fine." He agreed simply but didn't look Dean in the eye.

"Hey," Dean said, wanting his attention, "Didn't mean nothin by it."

"I know," Cas admitted but wondered what had been going through Balth's head when he left. _'Probably wants to get out while he can.'_ He told himself and feigned attention to what the boys in the front were talking about.

The three got a table in the far corner. At first Castiel assumed it was to get some distance between them and the mass of bikers playing pool but found it was so Jo could sneak Dean a couple beers and shots without her mother's disapproving eye.

“I swear,” Jo said after the third, “you better let Cas or Sam drive home or I’ll kick your ass.”

“Jo,” Dean said fondly, “When am I ever that reckless. Sammy?” he turned to his brother who was eating his burger looking bored, “Will you do the honors...of driving us home?”

“Yeah.” Sam said without looking up.

“See! Perfect!” Dean announced to Jo who rolled her eyes and walked away.

Castiel tried to smile and push down all his self doubt as they ate. Seeing as Dean was drunk and completely happy that way, Cas started talking to Sam about school and Jess. It had been a long time since they’d just sat and talk together and he found it was a refreshing topic. Jess had convinced Sam to cut his ever growing hair back just enough so it wouldn’t fit in a ponytail anymore. She told him it made him look older.

Cas smiled and enjoyed having Sam tell him about his last life, however, every few minutes he felt like he was doing something wrong and pushed his anxiety down further.

"Hey," Dean was poking his arm, "why does he get all your attention? Don't you wanna know about my world?"

"Of course, my apologies, what's going on in your world?"

Dean beamed, "Nothin! It's great. Hey Sammy. Tell him how great it is that Dad left today." Dean giggled, "Spoilers, it's fuckin great."

Cas grinned and looked at Sam who was rolling his eyes but also had a carefree look on his face, "It is nice." He admitted and went back to his sandwich rather than listening to his brother.

"Psst, Cas." Dean leaned over, "order a shot. It'll really be for me but Jo won't bring me another."

"I think you're good," Cas noted as Dean blinked to maintain eye contact with him.

"Pleaaaaase." Dean said with a pout.

Considering the consequences, he raised his hand to call Jo back over. He did his best to sound sincere in wanting a drink, she agreed but eyed Dean carefully.

"See Sam." Dean said pointing, "Cas is a great person who will do it. You're just a pansy."

"Shut up Dean. I just don't think you should completely ruin your liver before you're twenty."

Cas smiled at the two bicker and poked around his food, enjoying himself more than he thought he would. Jo arrived with his drink and pointedly set it down in front of him instead of Dean.

Once out of earshot, Dean switched their cups and gave the empty one back. Smiling like a kid who had been given free candy he downed the shot within a second and dopely grinned at his brother mocking his abstinence thinking.

When Sam finally convinced Dean to leave, and the two boys basically carried him to Baby, Cas felt better and felt himself giggle. He enjoyed watching the brothers bicker about small things. Every once and awhile Dean tried to pull Cas into the argument but found he didn't know how to react. He wished for a moment that he had siblings.

"You don't want a little brother." Dean told him when Cas shared this, "They just use all the hot water then complain when you aren't ready on time."

"Dean," Sam cut in, "It's your own fault you sleep in so late."

Dean did argue but looked like was thinking about it then hummed a sound of recognition. Without a pause, he started singing under his breath and tapped the window every time a telephone post passed. Sam sighed and began asking Cas about his art project the rest of the way back.

Dragging Dean into the house, who would have rather napped in Baby, Sam and Cas gathered a few blankets and parked themselves on the couch to begin the movie. Castiel was happy that Sam didn't comment on how they started the series over, and made himself comfortable on the couch. Mid way, Sam was slipping in and out of consciousness, and apologized, excusing himself to bed. Dean, still a ball of giggles, stretched himself out where Sam had been sitting.

"'S cool if I have my feet here?" he asked with a grin.

"Yeah, no worries." Cas answered knowing he wouldn't have moved anyway.

"Good," Dean said, positioning himself more comfortable, laying his head down on the other side of the couch.

Midst Gandalf's speech to Frodo about taking a life, Dean's phone lit up. Dean looked at it, then set it down.

"You aren't gonna answer?" Castiel asked, "I don't mind if you do."

"Nah, it's Cole. Hahah. I tend to be an idiot with him when I'm drunk." Dean was stifling his laugh in his blanket and turned his attention back to the tv but kept giggling every few minutes. "I thought- I thought his name was Coal, for a barbecue."

Castiel watched Dean intrigued but smiled, " guessing you were drunk?"

"Oh man, I was goooone. He had to bring me home." Dean was belly laughing now, "Sammy was so mad. Hahah. Oh man. Why would anyone be named after fuckin fire stuff."

"He sounds great."

"He is. So nice. Too nice. I'm gonna screw it up. But, hahah. God, he's. He's good. I like Cole."

"That's good," Castiel agreed, "You're dating him."

"Yaaaaaaaaaaa. Heheh. I have a cute boyfriend." Dean giggled. "Cas. Heeey. Cas. Cas. How's what's his face? The blond. Also. You could do better. Loooook at that face."

"He left actually..." Cas said quietly, hoping Dean wouldn't remember in the morning.

"Asshat. Grade A. You need better."

Cas looked at his friend softly, "I'll work on it."

"Good. Cuz otherwise imma have to kiss your face. Hahah, oh man. That doesn't end well for us." Dean giggled, "Oh my god! I had the best idea!"

"Do I wanna ask?," Cas inquired, slightly worried what was on his friend's mind.

"You can text Cole for me!! It'll totally work." Dean fumbled to get his hands free from his blanket and then grabbed his phone, tossing it to Cas, "Just. Talk like me. I'm gonna watch the movie. I love this movie. Aragorn is a baaaabe."

"Dean, I don't think-"

"Shhhhhh." Dean shushed seriously then laughed.

Castiel stared down at Dean's phone. Sighing he sent a text to Cole explaining who he was and why Dean didn't answer.

 **Cole** : So you're Cas. Dean talks about you a lot. Take care of him, he's an idiot when he's drunk. Just have him text me tomorrow.

Castiel smiled to himself. He wasn't even sure if what Dean said about him to Cole but it made him happy that he was talked about for some reason.

"Hey Cas," Dean said still eyes glued to the TV, "Do you think the dwarves braid their own hair or does like...Legolas braid Gimli's? Oh my god. We should braid Sam's hair."

Castiel smiled at his friend, "I'll let you convince him on that one."

"Please, I'm a big brother, I can make him do anything."

"I'm sure you can," Cas laughed back.

Dean sat up, clumsily, staring him in the eye, trying to look serious but kept giggling, "You don't believe me?"

"No, nope, I do."

"I could. I could do it all. Just frikin anything. Anything." Dean said leaning closer. His green eyes grew slightly darker and he whispered, "I could..I could kiss you."

Castiel felt his face flush, he could count the freckles on Dean's nose. He knew his friend was drunk and probably didn't realize he was so close. Smiling softly, he gently pushed Dean back a few inches, "I believe you."

Dean seemed content with the answer but brushed Cas' hand off his arm, "Psh,was I too close?" He giggled, mood changing, "Let's go get some more beer. I bet Jo would let us. You wanna drive? I really don't think I could quite figure out all the...the pedals right now."

"I don't drink," Cas grinned, "and I think Sammy would be upset you left."

Dean considered that, and leaned back on the couch, only to bolt back up, "I didn't text Cole!"

"I did," Cas assured him, watching as his friend relaxed back and closed his eyes. "I should go." he said, not wanting to keep Dean up, especially since they still had school the next day.

"It snowed today." Dean laughed, one arm draped over his face, "I like snow. You...you don't need to leave. Hahah, you don't have your coat."

"Dean I didn't come with one. Just my jacket."

"Nooo. No you had a blue one. Hahah, you looked like a blueberry."

"I have a trench coat...its tan.."

"Nooo, I'm pretty sure it was blue." Dean argued, "You were so mad. Hahaha, you were so mad that I couldn't say your name. But Saaaaam, of course he can fuck up your name and it's fine."

Castiel was confused now, "Dean...how-"

"Big. Fluffy, blue coat. You had just like. Your hair poking out."

"Dean, I don't think I've had a blue coat....maybe you mean someone else."

"Nooooope. I know. I know things. When we were kids Cas. You had a really dumb coat."

Cas shifted on the couch, "I think you need to sleep."

"Why?" Dean asked offended, "I feel great."

"School." He answered simply and began to pry Dean off the couch.

"Ugh, you're always right...doesn't it bother you that you're always right. Smart, always right, friggin Cas."

"Yeah, and don't you forget it." Cas kept one arm around Dean so he wouldn't topple over, and headed upstairs, hoping Dean would tell him which room was his. Halfway, Dean thought it would funny to go boneless and let Cas drag him the rest of the way. "You are such a child." Cas grumbled but pulled his friend back up on his feet.

"God, how'd you get me up? Trips Sammy every time. Hahaha, this one time, one time. He fell down the stairs."

Cas rolled his eyes and pushed open a door that Dean pointed to. The room was like Cas would've imagined, there were small piles of clothes thrown about the room, rock posters filled all the open wall space, and all sorts of memorabilia from various tv shows and movies. Watching his step, Cas made his way to the bed on the far side of the room and let Dean out of his arms onto it. Dean smiled at him and stripped off his shirt, catching Cas off guard. Dean did in fact have freckles everywhere. More trailed on his neck and upper chest but they were everywhere, making him smile.

"I usually sleep naked," Dean teased, "but just shirt and pants are goin off today. I hate sleeping in jeans. Even drunk. Ugh, it gets so hot."

"That's nice." Cas said, not knowing what Dean's point was.

"Hey. Hey Cas. Give me a hug."

"Um, I don't know if-"

But Dean pulled him in anyway. "Hey, you...are awesome. Awesomer than me. But hey hey. You gotta take care of you too. Not just your mom."

"Thanks Dean, I-" Cas began pulling himself away. He didn't get far with Dean still holding onto him.

"I wasn't done." Dean furrowed his brow and pointed at him. "You-you. Ah fuck, what was it. I got lost, your eyes are pretty."

"Dean-"

"Sshhhhh. You talk a lot. Oh! I got it back," Dean smiled proudly, "I yell a lot. Like. As much as you talk. But you have me. Okay? You always got a Dean Winchester."

"I-"

"Stop, oh my god. I care about you."

"Why?" Cas asked seriously, "I didn't nothing but horrible things to you."

"Not true. I need. I need sleep. Night Cas."

Dean released him and curled up in a ball on his bed. Confused, Cas pulled a blanket over his friend and left the room. He was just about to leave and looked at the mess they had made in the living room. Sighing, Cas picked up the litter of blankets, cups, and empty candy wrappers. Once that was complete he turned off the tv and the lights and let himself walk home, enjoying the lightly falling snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean has retrograde amnesia if ya'll were curious.


	35. Chapter 35

Head spinning, Dean woke to the sound of Sam banging on his door. "Dean!" His brother called, "School! I don't care how much you drank!"

"Sammy, no." He grumbled to himself. He thought about skipping but knew he'd miss something important in English if he didn't go. Sitting up only made his dizziness worse, but he pushed through and made it out of bed to the shower. He let the hot water rinse off the remaining scent of alcohol and sooth his aching joints from sleeping on an odd angle.

While he knew Sam would be pissed if they were late, Dean didn't feel like moving any faster. He tried remembering what he could from the night before but only had bits and pieces. Closing his eyes to concentrate, he remembered Cas being close...really close, and a few parts of Lord of the Rings.

Reluctantly he turned off the water and got dressed in a few good smelling things on his floor. Feeling worried he'd done something truly stupid, he went looking for his phone. After digging through all his jeans he found it on his nightstand, next to it was a glass of water and a few aspirin. Knowing that Sam wouldn't have,  he sent a thank you text to Cas.

 **Cas** : no worries. You may want to talk to cole. He kept messaging you last night. See you at school.

"Shit." Dean said aloud and looked at his texts. There were quite a few from Cole. He read over what Cas sent his boyfriend and smiled at his reply.

 **Dean** : I'm not THAT much of an idiot when drunk.

 **Cole** : Coal?

 **Dean** : shuddap.

 **Cole** : Can I pick you up today for lunch?

 **Dean** : of course. Like 1 work?

 **Cole** : perfect, see you then :D

Dean smiled and tucked his phone into his back pocket. Excited about the day he pulled on his favorite sweatshirt and nearly killed himself by running too quickly down the stairs.

"You okay?" Sam asked poking his head out from the kitchen.

"Yeah," Dean puffed out. "Luckily I landed on my books. No biggie." Sam laughed and left Dean to pick himself up off the floor. "Stupid stairs." he said with gritted teeth.

' _Great start for the day_ ', he thought but then put it out of his head, minus the migraine he felt pretty damn good. He grabbed a banana from the kitchen for breakfast and yelled at Sam to hurry up. One annoyed little brother later they were on their way to school. After pleading for something other than "hits from the eighties."

"It's like we aren't even related." Dean sighed but let his brother take control of the radio regardless. That was until there was a familiar female voice over the speakers. "Sammy, no."

"Oh come on Dean, we both know you love her."

"I don't even know her name."

"Taylor Swift. And yes you do, you were singing it in the shower this morning."

"Shaddap. Okay, fine. You can leave it." He said knowing full well his brother was right.

Snow had covered the ground today as well putting Dean in an even better mood. That was until he made it to biology where Kevin was waiting for him.

"Dean!!" He practically squealed.

"Sup Kev."

"Will you help now?" Kevin asked prayerfully.

"Uh, yeah. Really though Kev, I got nothin."

The shorter eyed him doubtfully and began asking him questions anyway. They ranged everywhere from general dating questions to ones that made Dean blush because he didn't know either. "Look, just hold his hand when you're ready, oh wait, but make sure it's like consensual or whatever."

"Well, he asked me..." Kevin said slowly looking away and suddenly becoming very interested in his paperwork.

Smirking, Dean asked, "You gonna tell me who the kid is? What if I don't approve?"

"Do you know Adam?"

"The blond kid? Him?! Oh my god."

"I thought he was joking! I mean why would a popular kid even look twice at me?"

"Come on Kev. You gotta give people a chance."

"Well it was the same with you and Cas right? Popular boy suddenly pays attention to the nerd? Of course i think he's just messing with me. See if he can ruin my life. That's what popular kids do......I mean...well you're different but you know what I mean...."

Dean thought on this. He hadn't really given much thought to what Cas had been thinking, "I dunno...I guess. I guess Cas was...or is...super confident so I didn't think much of it. Maybe it's him you should be talking to. Also, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel inferior Kevin. We're friends."

"Thanks." Kevin smiled and took Dean's advice to ask Cas.

A seed was planted in his mind though. Had he made Cas uncomfortable? Was it really that big of a deal for him to pay attention to the shy nerdy kid? Surely it was more odd for Dean. Determined not to let this get his mood down he promised himself he'd go find Cas between classes; because he wouldn't be around at lunch and would rather the whole thing just settled.

He flipped a u-turn in the hallway, remembering Cas’ class was on the other side of the building. Pushing through the crowd of people he finally made it to the history hall, only to find that the class Cas would have been in was empty. He did a mental recap of what Cas had next and strolled down to the art hallway knowing that there was a pretty good chance he would be there. He found Charlie sitting by an easel by no dark hair boy beside her. Shrugging, he walked over to her, she’d know what was up, she always did.

“Charlie. Seen Cas?”

“That’s all I get now? No ‘how are you?’ ‘how have you been?’ ‘nailed any chicks?’ just 'where is my lost boyfriend?'” She teased.

“Shut up, you know he isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but he should be.”

“Anyway….” Dean said wanted to change the subject, “You seen him?”

“Nope, I think he went home...he was on the phone but only smiled at me and walked away. I’m sure he’ll text me later though if you want the four one one later.”

“Where?”

“I dunno. He was walking outside.” She shrugged, “You gonna stick around for painting?

“God no.” Dean laughed, “I’ll see you later. You’re the best Charlie. I love you!!!” He called behind him, leaving the room.

Charlie called to him as he left, “I know!!”

One destination down, Dean headed for the library. After a few run ins with two boys with dark hair, that were nerdy but not Cas, Dean sighed and went outside seeing if maybe Cas was still wondering the property. While searching by the bleachers of the football field he sent a text to Charlie to see if he’d turned up in class. Frustrated, Dean walked to the front of the school, but it was as empty as the back. There were a few students coming and going for the earlier lunch hour but no sign of Cas. His phone vibrated with Charlie’s response, not in painting either. Sighing, he found his car and sat on the hood, thinking about somewhere he might have missed, and then, miraculously, he heard Cas’ voice.

“No. Listen. God, will you just go two minutes without hanging up on me?!” He was shouting.

Dean froze, he leaned forward enough to see Cas sitting against the wall of the school, just off the property. He didn’t really want to interrupt the phone call because his friend seemed angry but he also didn’t want to just awkwardly walk away. Panicking, he decided he’d go sit next to Cas. ' _What’s the worst that could happen?_  'he asked himself.

“Balth, please...I don’t-” Cas said softly, “Well are you going to come back?”

Dean stopped walking, he knew this probably shouldn’t be a conversation he should be listening to but now didn’t want to abandon his friend if he was feeling down. He tiptoed towards his friend waving slightly to get his attention. Cas looked up at him, but without a smile, or even a ‘hello Dean.’ Straight-faced, Cas nodded to him, silently telling him it was okay for him to be there.

“Balthazar.” Cas said calmly. “Just come home. What do you mean what do I mean home? Home. Here.”

Dean sat awkwardly on the ground and studied his friend, knowing that Cas wouldn’t look at him if he was feeling emotional. Dean stared at the crease above Cas’ brow that formed when he was worried, he noted that Cas’ eyes were slightly puffy, like he’d been crying.

“Okay. Okay…...Yes. I’m sorry…..I’ll call you after school?” Cas looked at Dean and tried to smile but it ended up looking like a grimace, “Yes. Of course. Love you too.”

Dean sat cross legged across from Cas and smiled at him, “You alright? Been lookin for ya.”

“I’m-I’m okay. Thank you, Dean.” Cas sighed, “How can I help?”

Dean nearly forgot why he was there, then remembered what Kevin had said, “I was just wondering...well I feel stupid asking. Um, I was talking to Kevin...and well. Did you...did you think I was kidding...cuz...I’m popular or some shit…”

“Of course.” Cas said frankly, “but what does that have to do with anything?”

“I-well. I’m sorry...that I, uh, gave off that impression.” Dean apologized rubbing the back of his neck, “but uh, what’s goin on with your boy?” Dean asked trying to get the attention off of him.

Cas shrugged, “I don’t know...I’m sick of relationships being hard. Ha! I feel so dumb telling you that.”

“Why?” Dean asked, “You don’t think I have issues?”

“You and Cole are perfect. I mean. I’m happy for you, I’m so happy you’re happy. I just...I dunno. I feel like I fail at every one I start.”

“Cas...we aren’t perfect. People aren’t perfect. You don’t have to be perfect.”

Tear filled Cas’ eyes but he kept them in, “I know..” he said in a whisper; sniffling Cas asked, “Why did you come find me?”

“I-I was worried. Thank you again. For ya know the aspirin this morning. Also, sorry for anything I said last night. I don’t remember much.”

“What do you remember?” Cas chuckled shakily, voice still a little broken.

“Uh….I remember you sitting with me, and I took up all the couch space...you carried me up the fuckin stairs, god Cas. Um...Something about snow..and uh…Legolas. Great hair that one.”

Cas sniffled, bowed his head and laughed, “Sounds about right.”

“You wanna fill me in?” Dean smiled, happy to see Cas smiling, even if it was forced.

“You asked about how Gimili braids his hair, how attractive Aragorn is, you had me text your boyfriend, and um, well you said you like the snow...because I had a stupid coat.”

“The fucking blueberry coat? Oh my god. Was that you? I mean. Well that’s a blur of a memory. Oh! did I tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Cas asked curiously, tilting his head slightly.

 _‘Damn, that’s cute.’_ “Er…” He paused, losing his train of thought, “Missouri! She uh, she told me...I got in a car crash apparently...when I was a kid. Messed me up for a long time. I was in the hospital for awhile and for a little bit they didn’t know if I was gonna make it….anyway.” he said feeling like he was now rambling, “Long story short. I think...I think that’s why I can’t remember everything.”

Cas’ eyes widened, “Oh. my. god. Dean. Are you okay?! I mean. How old were you? How did I not know?” Cas took in a deep breath and leaned forward to look at Dean closer, “What do you remember? I feel like crap. I’m sorry I accused you of just forgetting me. Oh my god. Do you have a scar? When did you find this out? Why didn’t you tell me? I’m so sorry Dean. That sounds horrible, does Sammy know? What happened?”

“Damn. Cas. Slow down. I’m fine. Er. I don’t remember the rest of the questions…” Dean trailed off leaning slightly back; Cas was close enough that Dean could see the remains of tears that hung on Cas’ eyelashes. His heart felt heavy and he wanted to hug Castiel but didn’t want it to be awkward.  “I’m okay...I just remember little things. It’s like...it’s like looking through fog almost… or like trying to remember a dream. I get bits and pieces...like your coat. But, uh, I just, well I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Look at us. We’re pathetic.” Cas giggled, taking off his glasses to clean them, “worrying about each other...rather than our own problems...thank you Dean.”

“For what?” Dean shrugged, “That’s what friends do, caring about the other...right?”

Castiel nodded, “It’s about time for lunch...I should go find Charlie...you wanna come?”

“Shit..is it really? Uh, Cole is coming to get me for lunch actually…” Dean said awkwardly, “Call me after school though, I wanna make sure you’re alright.”

Castiel nodded once again and stood up, “Thank you.” the boy said sinerely. There was an odd look in Cas’ eye but Dean didn’t want to question it. “Have a good date, and tell Cole ‘hello’ for me.” A forced smile gleamed on Cas’ face, “I’ll have to actually meet this kid one day.”

“Yeah!” Dean agreed, “When you patch things up with Balth, “ Dean cursed himself for what came out of his mouth, “we could double...go see a movie? Dinner? I dunno.” Cas tilted his head again making Dean think about how easily he could tilt his head the opposite direction and kiss him, ‘woah,’ he told his brain, ‘chill. You have a boyfriend.’

“If you really want to…” Castiel acknowledge, “I should get back though...um. I’ll see you later.”

Before Dean could say anything else, Cas had started off toward the school building without a look back. He raised a hand to grab hold of him or call him back but Cas it seemed didn’t want to stick around. Sighing, Dean turned around and sat back down on the sidewalk to wait for his ride. “Dammit!” he yelled, “I missed weights.” Although he knew it wasn’t a big deal he was really trying to be better in school. His teacher’s wouldn’t think much of a missing Dean Winchester but that made him more upset, he was actually trying this time. His butt had just fallen asleep when Cole’s familiar Jeep pulled up in front of him.

“There you are.” Cole called, “Get in!”

“Careful,” Dean joked, “someone might think you’re a total pedo.”  but got into the car anyway.

They caught up on the last few days and Dean explained why he was worried about his friend.  Cole would nod and let Dean continue whenever he felt like he was rambling. Even when they made it to the cafe Dean was still talking and stopped mid sentence when they were seated, realizing he’d been talking for a solid ten minutes without Cole saying a word. “Oh my god. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Cole waved off, “You’re worried about your friend. His ex or boyfriend or whatever sounds like a dick though.”

“Ugh. I hate him.”

“Then why’d you ask them to double with us?”

“I don’t know. Cas looked so sad. I just...wanted to know he was welcome to join...I guess, or something. I don’t know.”

The waitress came by and took their orders, Dean noticed her watching Cole and felt a spark of jealousy. Nonchalantly he reached for his boyfriend’s hand and took it in his own. The girl’s eyes widened but she continued talking like nothing happened. Cole rolled his eyes but Dean smirked loving that he could show that Cole was his.

Cole smiled at him, “Anyway...as long as we go in the next two weeks I’m down.”

“Two weeks?” Dean asked after taking a sip of water.

The waitress returned with their appetizer and refilled their water. This time with slightly less personality and waltzed off without asking if they needed anything else. Satisfied with himself, Dean dug into the food, waiting for Cole’s explanation.

“Uh yeah...that’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.” Cole shifted on his seat, “I uh. I got called out. I’m being sent overseas for a few months...in a couple weeks.”

Dean dropped his fork, “What. You let me ramble on and then...fuck. Cole. Um. ‘kay.”

“I tried to get a hold of you…” Cole defended.

“I know. I just. Fuck. Really? You have to leave?” Dean asked fearing the answer.

Cole reached over the table and laced their hands, “Yeah, but I don’t mind keeping this going long distance….but if you don’t, then that’s okay too.”

“Yeah! I do!” Dean answered quickly, “How long is a few months? Will you be back in February? We could do a whole cute damn Valentine shit or something.”

Cole smiled at him, “More like...April..or May.”

“Damn.” Dean breathed out, “I..well, we better make the best of this next two weeks. I mean. I..we...there’s so much we haven’t done.”

“Dean,” Cole chuckled, “I ain’t dying.”

“I know…I just. I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” Cole smiled.

Dean tried to remain in the moment for the rest of the date but felt his mind wander. What did this really mean for their relationship. They hadn’t been dating that long. Who knows if Cole would even want to be with him when he got back, it would nearly be six months time. Dean felt his throat close up a little on the drive back to the school, he was beginning to panic, he wasn’t even the same person six months ago, what would happen if Cole came back and Dean had changed even more. Cole had finished putting the car in park and ready to say goodbye to Dean when he interrupted his boyfriend with a kiss.

He tried to put his worries away and focus on the boy in front of him but felt himself slipping from the moment. Cole cupped his chin and pulled him closer, letting Dean in. They kissed slowly, but not heated. This was more about expressing affection for what words couldn’t say. Cole pulled away and gave Dean a final kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll call you.” He smiled and let Dean out of the car to get back to class.

In a daze, Dean found his way to Psychology and let his mind drift in and out of all the possibilities that his future held. ‘ _There’s one thing for sure_ ,’ he told himself, ‘ _Cas was wrong. My relationship isn’t perfect either._ ’


	36. Chapter 36

Cas wrapped his arms around himself and rubbed his arms vigorously to get some heat generated; he was frozen from sitting in the ground talking to Balthazar. He wished the school served coffee because he could feel himself glaring but knew it was because he didn't have his daily caffeine dose. That, and his conversation with Balthazar.

Annoyed that he hadn't called or even spoken to his about leaving Cas had called him that morning wanting some sort of answer. Balthazar, it seemed, assumed he didn't want him around anymore. It took a long time but Cas finally convinced him to at least stick around as a friend. Although that weight was off his chest he had a new one; he'd told Dean that they could double date.

His head filled with thoughts and emotions, he was relieved to know he had English and then an hour to himself in the library. He was sad he'd missed painting but at the same time didn't feel like filling in Charlie on everything, and hoped Dean would tell her at least what was up with them.

Tapping his pencil through Contemporary Lit, Castiel found his mind drifting back to what Dean had told him. On the one hand, he was happy that Dean remembered him but felt guilt for thinking he was that forgettable. Stopping his pencil, and his thoughts, he knew where feeling guilty took him and really didn't feel like crawling into that hole today. Instead he thought about the snow outside and wondered why it made Dean so happy. He didn't mind the snow but wasn't ever ecstatic that it had fallen. He supposed it was nice around Christmas but it was only November.

Mindlessly he started to draw a winter scene; a half-hearted snowman and two boys putting it together. It wasn't until he'd finished the shorter of the two that he noticed they looked vaguely like the Winchesters. Smiling he drew in a quick sketch of himself and Charlie as well. The bell rang as he finished her long hair; taking a picture he sent it to Charlie knowing that she'd like it, also to show her that he hadn't forgotten her. Instantly she replied with a large smiley face and told him she'd come visit him in the library.

Smiling softly, he was happy he had her, even if he didn't show it all the time. He sent a copy of the picture to Sam as well and put his phone into his pocket. Once in the library, his smile disappeared. The head librarian was tapping her toe and staring him down.

"Hello." He greeted faking cheerfulness.

"Hello?!" She barked.

"That is still the term?" He asked.

"Castiel. You _cannot_ use this library for your private make out point."

"I-I don't. I mean I-"

"Bup!" She cut him off, "I don't care to know the details. I've had complaints and I don't want to hear about it again."

"Trust me it won't be a problem anymore." He said mostly to himself.

"I better not." She huffed and walked back to the main desk to assign him his work that day.

She must have been really upset because she sent him to all the areas that were hard to reach, forcing him to use a ladder. This made it so he had to climb up and down every thirty seconds to change the position of the ladder, moving it eight inches or so every stack of books.

Cas began slamming the books on the shelf, sick of the monotonous work. On the fifth row he heard a voice below him, calling him back to reality.

"Books went evil before technology then?" Charlie asked, smirking.

"Charlie, you nearly gave me a heart attack."

"I do have that effect on people. Really though, what's up with the angry stacking?"

"Nothing really," Castiel sighed, "Ms. Fancy Pants got upset at me for making out with Balthazar in here."

"Ew." Charlie said.

"So it's hot when I make out with Dean but not Balth?" Cas laughed, "Bias much?"

"Oh shut up. You know how it is. The first kiss. It's like...it's like when Hermione saves everyone in the third book...and fourth. Fifth really.."

"Charlie." Cas stopped her. "Did you have a point?"

"Hmm? Oh yes. The hot grabbiness of desperation is hot; guy on guy, girl on girl, girl on guy. Whatever. No preference."

Castiel laughed at his friend, "I just love you."

"I know." Charlie smiled, "You seem happy." She commented trying to sound like she didn't care.

"I guess." Cas shrugged, "I'm not unhappy so, that's a bonus."

Charlie nodded, "So you gonna tell me what's going on or do I have to give you another speech about bravery using Hermione references?"

"Honestly, I'd tell you if I knew. Long story short. I broke up with Balth...somehow. Sorta fell apart. I told Dean I'd double with him and his boyfriend...I have no boyfriend. Um. My mom is getting better...sorta. You know. And uh. I guess Dean does remember bits and pieces." Cas finished a little out of breath.

"Damn." Charlie sympathized. "Crazy. You alright?"

"Yeah," Cas sighed. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the librarian staring him down, "I'm not gonna make out with her! Totally gay!" He sang.

"Same!" Charlie said with a salute, noticing where he was looking.

Castiel put his head on a bookshelf, "High school is dumb."

"Yeah..." Charlie agreed, "What cha gonna do about your date?"

"Um. Disappear?"

Charlie put a hand on his shoulder, "Want me to dress up like a dude?"

Castiel laughed, "No. I think there is a small chance Dean would recognize you."

"Fair enough."

The two sat and talked the rest of the hour. Cas was worried that he was keeping Charlie from class but she waved him off; telling him she was a teacher's aide and attendance didn't matter that much. Eventually Charlie asked the inevitable.

"What if...what if you just asked Balth to come? I mean. You guys wouldn't have to be on a date but that way you don't have to tell Dean immediately."

"What if he won't? And...I don't really wanna tell Dean. He's got enough going on, and what does it change really?"

"Cas," She said, using the nickname Dean gave him rather than her own, "He is your friend."

"I know." He whispered not knowing what else to say.

When the last bell rang, she asked if he wanted to hang out, but he declined, knowing he wouldn't be a fun person to be around. She hugged him goodbye and told him to call if things got too difficult. With a small wave he bid his professor goodbye and left quickly as possible not wanting to run into Sam or Dean. The wind blew icy and Cas tugged his coat around him tighter, pulling the neck up over his face, trying to keep his warm breath to himself.

"Mom?" He called when he got home, but there was no answer. He did a quick check around the house but she seemed to be gone at work still. Partially glad he was alone, he went to his room to do homework. It was unusual that he even had any but he'd been too preoccupied with everything else that he hadn't gotten around to it. Half focusing on math, half blank staring at the wall it took him a solid hour longer than usual. Giving up when he reached his history homework he wandered downstairs to make dinner for himself.

Silence grew in the house as the day faded. His mother texted him saying she'd be home the next day. Idly playing with his phone he considered calling Balthazar; to see if he would be willing to help him out. His blood pumped through his head and he felt his chest clench up. He really didn't want to beg Balthazar to come, maybe there was a way to make it sound more casual.

Three buttons into Balth's number the doorbell rang. Confused, he set his phone down and went to answer it. He flipped the porch light on and saw the back of Dean through the small window.

"Hello Dean." He greeted trying to smile, "what brings-"

His friend turned and Castiel saw instantly why he'd come by. There was a small trail of blood still trickling out of Dean's nose around where it had crusted over. A bruise was forming near his eye and he limped when turning around to face him. On top he was only in a t shirt, there were droplets of blood seeping through. Cas could see goosebumps trailing up his arms and hurried his friend inside.

"Oh my god." Cas gasped.

"Heya Cas." Dean grimaced, "Can I stay here?"

"Of course." Cas said putting one arm around Dean's waist and the other under his arm to support him. "What happened?" He asked softly.

"Ah, that. Um. It's a long story."

"We have nothing but time."

Dean looked at him with a heartbroken look in his eyes. "I-uh." Dean hesitated taking a look around the room, "Isn't your mom here?"

"No, she got stuck at work." Cas moved Dean to the couch and went to the kitchen to grab a rag with ice wrapped in it. He also grabbed a glass of water then returned. Dean was laying on his side and clutching the side facing the ceiling. Wordlessly he place the rag on Dean's head, which he was sure was throbbing. Dean held his hand on his forehead for a moment in a silent 'thank you.'

Feeling like his friend wasn't ready to talk he went to the hall closet to grab a blanket and an extra pillow; not sure if Dean felt like traveling up the stairs to an actual bed. He laid the blanket on him and barely caught the whispered 'thanks' coming from his friend. Cautiously he sat down on the other end of the couch and waited patiently for Dean.

"He found out about Cole."

Cas opened his mouth but closed it again knowing Dean wasn't finished.

"I had gone upstairs to help Sam with some crap for science or some shit and uh, my dad picked up my phone." Dean took a deep breath, "He's been sending me cute messages lately cuz he knows it makes me blush...the message just got delivered to the wrong Winchester."

"Dean." Cas said softly.

"Ha. The last two weeks he's gonna be around and I look like this. Guess we're not gonna make that double date." Dean chuckled mirthlessly.

Castiel wanted to tell him it wouldn't matter anyway but kept it to himself. There was no reason to bother him with useless news. "You are always welcome here. Sam too."

Dean sat up slowly, "I know, and I don't think I can ever repay you for it."

"For what? Being a decent human being?"

"I just feel like I owe-"

"No. No Dean. You don't owe me anything." He said holding up a hand to stop him. "Would you like me to go get your brother?"

"If you could..." Dean paused, "I'm sorry to dump this on you."

"Are we friends?" Cas asked.

"Well I sure hope so or this is really weird."

"Dean, I don't care what you did, what I did, what happened, or what consequences will follow. But you are my friend, and as such I plan to watch over you." He said blatantly, standing up to get his coat. "Now, I'll be back in about twenty minutes, don't move around too much, I'm going to have my mom check out your ribs."

"No!" Dean burst, "Please. Just if you do, tell her I got in a fight at school or I fell down the stairs."

"Dean, who would-"

"Happens! I fell right down them today. Whoosh."

"I won't lie for you....but I won't tell her either. She's not one to pry if you don't want to talk about it."

Dean nodded and let Cas leave. Outside, he flipped his engine on and sent Sam a text to pack some things for a few days.  He worried about leaving Dean there alone, and what would happen if his mother decided to come home. He held in a breath the whole time Sam once again climbed down from his window on the second floor. Sam got in without a word, he gave a grateful smile and buckled his seatbelt. As much as Castiel wanted to say something he didn’t have any words. Still quiet they walked into Cas’ house. Sam immediate went and kneeled next to his brother and asked if he needed anything. Dean shook his head and smiled.

“I think Cas’ got me covered. Thanks Sammy.”

“I’m so sorry Dean.” Sam said quietly.

Cas shifted on his feet still by the entrance of the door. He didn’t want to intrude on the brothers. He hung his coat and walked into the kitchen, desperate to find something to do to busy himself. Within five minutes Sam joined him in the kitchen.

"Thanks." the younger brother said.

"It's really not a problem."

"He wants to talk to you." Sam smiled sadly, "Is it cool if I just shower and go to bed?"

"Of course, the room at the end of the hall is yours anytime."

When Sam disappeared upstairs, Castiel went back into the living room, "Dean?" He asked still a few feet from him.

"I'm not sick," Dean chuckled, "You can sit by me."

"I'm so sorry." Castiel whispered sitting down.

"I wish ya'll would stop saying that. I'll be fine."

"I wasn't talking about your bruises." Cas said, "I was talking about the situation. My mom was very understanding and happy I told her. I'm sorry your experience wasn't like that."

"You're a lucky guy," Dean said, voice cracking a little, "I feel dumb saying this but uh, can you not watch while I cry like the little baby I am?"

"No," Cas said simply, "I'm not one to ignore someone's pain...emotional or physical. It's very human to cry."

Dean chuckled, "You talk. So damn. Weird." He emphasized. "Will you at least turn on a movie or somethin?"

"Any preference?"

Dean flushed, "Sweet home Alabama." He said in a whisper.

"I admire your taste." Cas laughed and put the movie in. Grabbing a blanket for himself he seated himself on the other end of the couch giving Dean any space he needed.

Ten minutes into the movie, Cas noticed Dean's chest rising and falling at an odd pace and knew the he was crying. Feigning unawareness Cas turned to the tv and tried to focus all his attention there.

"Cas?" Dean asked awhile later . Cas hummed in response. "Can-Can I flip the other way?"

"You aren't glued to the couch." Cas smiled.

There was a rustle of blankets and Dean's head flipped towards him. Cautiously, Dean lowered his head into Cas' lap but kept his gaze on the tv not wanting to make a big deal of this movement. Absentmindedly, Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair to assure him there was someone there; just like his mother did when he was upset. He only hesitated once when he noticed Dean's breathing pattern change once more. Worriedly, he peaked forward to look at his friend's face but found he'd simply fallen asleep.

Happy his friend was at enough to peace to do so, he finally watched the movie but found his eyes were tired as well. Intently he squinted at the tv to focus, eventually he followed Dean's example half way through.


	37. Chapter 37

Something fluffy was itching Dean's nose. Blinking,  he opened his eyes to see Cas' blanket draped over his face, turning his head he saw Cas asleep with his head leaned back on the couch. One of his hands was curled on the rim of Cas' shirt; which he withdrew quickly.

Dean watched as his chest rose and fell steadily and his eyes whiz back and forth, still deep in sleep. His neck ached from sleeping weird but considering it all he didn't feel too horrible. He heard walking coming from the floor above and wondered if it was Anna. Not wanting to wake Cas, he sat up slowly, and dumped his blanket on the couch. Cas shifted a little but didn't wake. Dean smiled at his friend and went to relieve himself in the bathroom down the hall.

That's where he got the first real look at his face. There was a large cut under his left eye, a bruise forming around it, his lip was no longer swollen but still darkened, and to top it off his nose had blood dried around the rims of his nostrils. He filled the sink with water and began cleaning his face. _Hopefully_ , he thought, _Jo can help me out again_. Wincing, he pulled his shirt up over his head; it was covered in blood anyway. There was a large bruise along the right side of his ribs, spanning from his upper chest nearly to his hip. Luckily that one was mostly yellow with only a darker spot near the center of his ribs. Unable to look at himself anymore he walked out of the bathroom.

He tried to walk quietly back out, wondering if he could borrow a shirt from Sammy. Reaching the foot of the stairs he found he wasn't the only one awake.

"Hey," Cas said with a straight face still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "You can borrow some clothes from me if you'd like. I may have a pair of jeans that will fit you."

"Yeah, um, cool. Sorry if I woke you..."

"Don't worry about it. Come on." Cas motioned, getting up but still rubbing his eyes.

Cas' room was a light blue, 'figures' Dean smiled to himself. Cas was digging in his closet and pulled out a plain grey henley and a dark pair of jeans, Dean noted he'd never seen his friend in either of them. Cas also grabbed a towel and handed them to Dean.

"There's also some underwear folded into the jeans. I hope they fit."

"Thanks," Dean said and took the clothes happily.

"It seems Sam already left for school, so I guess we're not going today."

"Fuck, it's Friday isn't it?" Dean cursed, "I had a paper due..."

"I'm sure Charlie will hand it to your teacher if you email it to her. Did you upload it to google docs?"

Dean nodded, "Lot easier to write a paper on my phone. I'll call her."

"I can, if you wanna clean up." Cas offered. Dean looked concerned but Cas continued, "I'll also make us some food. Go shower."

"I'd say 'thanks' again but I feel like you're going to kick my ass if I say it again."

Castiel laughed and agreed then left him alone to take care of himself. Dean waited until Cas had gone down the stairs before he went into the bathroom. Unlike the bathroom on the floor below this one was larger and contained an extensive shower. The heat of the water and pressure felt good on his sores and aches, he scrubbed himself clean and then let the hot water drain from his face to the floor and down the drain.

He found his mind wander to the previous night; and all the emotions that followed. His face reddened when he thought about Cas' hands in his hair, and how quickly he'd fallen asleep once he'd done so. He leaned his head on the wall and stroked himself, more bored than actually horny; and more wishing for some relief than the pain he'd been through. He started softly pushing his cock through his hand then twisting his grip as he pulled back out. Steadily he built up a rhythm and let his mind wander to Cole. His arms, strong but gentle, his dark hair that grew darker in the sun rather than light, and his eyes, ' _oh god those blue eyes._ ' He thought and felt a spark of lust hit his gut. Picking up the pace he thought about Cole's soft lips on his, "Ah fuck." He groaned quietly.

Losing himself, he shamelessly focused on those eyes, then another set of eyes appeared in his mind. Darker blue, like the sea. Dark hair that looked like it'd been ruffled in the breeze. Cas' chapped lips, his hands pulling him closer and..."fuck." He said coming all over his hand. Breathing heavily he laid once again on the side of the wall. "Fuck." Dean groaned for the third time but now for a different reason. Becoming aware of how long he'd been in the shower he rinsed his released and dressed quickly.

Red from the heat, as well as getting off, he felt nervous going to face his friend. Cas was sitting in the kitchen eating a waffle drenched in syrup. The dark haired boy grinned and dropped the piece he was eating, which fell with a splat on his plate. "Hello Dean." Cas greeted in his usual voice.

"Heya Cas." Dean replied feeling the back of his neck rush with blush.

Cas pointed to the plate of waffles on the counter. Trying to act like nothing was off Dean tried to fix himself a plate without dropping anything. He attempted to strut back to the table with Cas but tripped over a chair nearly losing half his syrup. Cas laughed and licked some of his own mess off his fingers. It wasn't until Cas said something that he realized he was staring at Cas' fingers as he licked them clean. Dean sputtered and said something about missing school.

"You'll be fine," Cas smiled, "Charlie is gonna turn in your assignment and we are gonna spend the rest of the day doing whatever the hell we want."

"Swearing? Goodness, such language." Dean teased, "I vote we go swimming."

"It is literally twenty two degrees outside."

"There are indoor pools!" Dean defended, "Wanna? I mean. I'd have to borrow a suit...and a tee shirt..."

Cas looked down at Dean's torso, knowing why he'd want a shirt. "Only if we get ice cream after."

"Booyah!" Dean cheered and stuffed a mouthful of food into his mouth. ' _What the hell am I thinking? Swimming with Cas? I just got off on his eyes and now I'm suggesting to see the rest of his body. Oh god, oh god, oh god. This was dumb Winchester.'_

"Did you wanna get your phone from your house?"

Dean stopped eating, "Yeah actually. I'd like to ya know...at least tell Cole something..."

Together they set out, driving by first to see if John was still home. There was no sign of his father's black truck so he assumed the coast was clear. Parking Cas' sad excuse for a car (a Prius) they walked into the dark house.

Dean was embarrassed by the state of his living room. While it was usually a mess anyway, this was much worse. The couch was sideways, a lamp was thrown against a wall, there were miscellaneous things scattered as well. An empty pizza box, empty cans of beer as well as random amounts of debris. He half wished he could've asked Cas to wait outside.

"Uh, sorry bout all this." Dean apologized awkwardly and made his way through the maze of the mess. He had to focus all his attention on exactly what he was here for to keep from thinking about what had happened not even twelve hours ago. Silently, he went to his room and filled his backpack with a few days clothes, his toothbrush, and dug out his swimsuit. On the top shelf of his closet he grabbed the tin of cash he'd been saving for emergencies. He only took a little over fifty, he wanted to save the rest for Sammy.

Replacing the tin he returned back downstairs, Cas was fixing the furniture back into place. Dean stood awkwardly and cleared his throat, "Um, maybe we should go."

"Did you find your phone?"

"No, I didn't." Dean shrugged, "Don't know how I would in this mess anyway. Let's just head for the pool." Cas smiled and led the way out the door. Dean turned to lock the door behind him then ran into Cas' back. "What the.."

"I found it.." Cas said. Dean poked his head around and saw his phone in the snow. It had been thrown about ten feet from the door.

Sighing, Dean retrieved it. He tried to turn it on but knew it wouldn't work. He stuck it in his pocket and walked to Cas' car not wanting to stand in the snow anymore. He adverted his gaze out the window when his friend climbed in. His feeling of ease had disappeared and all that remained was a hole where something was.

Castiel, true to his word, drove them to the nearest indoor pool. The distraction of people around him was much appreciated, he let Cas do all the talking to get them in and followed in his shadow, keeping his emotions to himself.

The cool water was like a balm. Instantly he felt lighter. He let himself drift any way he chose and didn't care to look at those around him who may have been looking at him quizzically about him wearing a tee shirt. He reached the other end of the pool and realized that he had just up and abandoned Cas. He gazed around the pool and spotted his friend swimming awkwardly passed a group of girls who were eyeing him. Giggling, he swam back and rescued him. He grabbed Cas from behind and pulled him underwater.

"Dean!" Cas complained when they came back up.

Dean splashed his friend and swam off. Cas caught up quicker than he would have imagined and pulled him by the foot underwater in revenge.

"Oh, it's on now." Dean said, wiping his face when he broke the surface once more.

They lost track of time, to which Dean was grateful. He found himself actually laughing and making jokes; it was almost as if he was actually, in that moment, happy. Eventually, when Cas complained his hands were too wrinkly, they got out and dressed, bundling themselves up to face the cold winds.

True to Cas' end of the deal they went to get ice cream. Dean complained that it was too cold for such a snack but Cas promised it would be worth it. Doubtful, they walked into a shop that Dean had never noticed. It was a small place, no longer than thirty feet in either direction. Castiel ordered first and got a milkshake with every candy imaginable blended in it. Dean stared at the menu and finally settled with a plain strawberry shake with extra whipped cream. Proud of himself he only found himself staring at Cas’ lips twice. Once when Cas had a stray piece of ice cream creep up on his cheek and the other when the boy was slurping up the rest of his drink. Both times he managed to change the subject so he wouldn’t be able to dwell on what had happened.

“You think we could stop and get me a new phone?” Dean asked when they stepped back outside a bit nervous for Castiel's answer.

“Yeah, why not?” Cas shrugged, “Which direction?”

Dean grinned and pointed the way. He was happy to have company with him when browsing phones. He was never really good and judging what would be a good choice and what was a waste of money. Interestingly enough Cas, who always seemed to be on the quiet side, asked most of the questions about the products, their features and prices while Dean sat back and tested each of the phones in question out. An hour later Cas had somehow managed to let them give him a discount on his phone. Amazed, and happy he hugged his friend tightly, “You’re amazing!!” he exclaimed, “Maybe next time you can get me a discount on data.” he laughed.

“I’d be willing to try.” Cas smiled back, “Did they transfer all your old information?”

“Yeah. Thank god. I thought I lost it all. Charlie would be so pissed if I had to ask for her phone number. I’d get some long lecture about friendship or something stupid.”

“Would you like me to...um give you a bit of time to get things explained to Cole. I don’t mind. You could take your time. There’s always a bookstore calling my name.”

Dean stared at his friend. On the one hand, hell yes. On the other, here is friend had been keeping his head above water all day and he felt guilty pawning him off while he went about his own business. He didn’t know what to say.

“It’s fine. There’s a library up here on the corner. I’ve been looking for a book that apparently never comes to the one by us. You’re welcome to use my car if you’d like, it’s a bit cold outside. Tell Cole I said ‘hi.’”

“Cas.” Dean said softly, “I don’t-”

“It’s fine.” Cas waved him off. “Just don’t wreck my car. She may not be as fancy as Baby but she gets me places.”

Dean nodded and watched as Castiel went into the library. He stared down at his phone, debating on whether or not this was a really good time to explain all the shit in his life. Sighing, he found his boyfriend’s number and let it ring.

“Cole? Hey. Sorry. I have a lot to tell you about.”

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_“Hey Cas.” Dean asked, while swinging next to his friend._

_“What?” Cas asked swinging one way, “Is it?” he finished swinging back the other way._

_“Are you always gonna be my friend?” Dean said quietly, “I know Sam can get annoying but we’re friends right?”_

_Cas slowed down on his swing a little, “That’s a dumb question Dean. Of course we will. Especially cuz I don’t have any other friends.”_

_“What?!” Dean asked surprised, “That’s dumb. Everyone should be your friend Cas.”_

_Castiel laughed and jumped out of his swing landing a few feet away. “Thank you.”_

_Together they spent the rest of the day at the park. They took turns deciding what to play next. Castiel’s choices mostly involved crawling and climbing over odd obstacles while Dean’s were more about exploring and defending the world. Once they were tired out they laid down in the large field behind the swings. The lay with their heads next to each other but their bodies facing opposite directions._

_“Do you see the clown?” Cas asked pointing to the floating white clouds above them._

_“I don’t see no clown. I see an angel though.”_

_“I’m an angel.” Cas said softly and laughed._

_Dean turned his head at his friend. “Really? Can you fly?”_

_“No,” Cas laughed, “my momma told me. She said I was named after an Angel.”_

_“Oh.” Dean replied at looked back to the sky, “I’m named after my grandma.”_

_“You had a grandma named Dean?”_

_Dean shrugged, “How should I know? I didn’t meet her. It’s just something my mom told me...before...before she died.”_

_“I’m sorry about your mom.” Cas spoke more quiet than before._

_“It’s okay. I have Sammy and my Daddy...and you!” Dean announced turning to his friend again. “You wanna go see Missouri and see if she’ll give us a popsicle? I bet she will.”_

_Covered in dirt and grass they made their way for their babysitter’s house at the end of the street. Dean wanted to just walk in but Cas said that wasn’t polite and they would have to knock or ring the doorbell. Looking at his small hands, Dean rang the doorbell, thinking maybe she wouldn’t hear them if he tried to knock on the door. Cas stepped behind Dean and ducked a little bit, he never did understand why Castiel was so shy, he was so funny. Dean took his hand but let his friend stand behind him. Moments later Missouri opened the door and beamed at them._

_“If it isn’t my two favorite boys!” She grinned and pulled them into a hug. “What brings you two by my house today?”_

_“We...we um.” Cas started._

_“We was wondering if we could have a popsicle cuz it’s so hot today.” Dean finished._

_Missouri laughed, “You two are just in luck, I bought some just yesterday. Come on in.”_

_Delighted the boys came in, took of their shoes, and ran to her table in the kitchen waiting patiently for their treats. Dean was swinging his legs back and forth in anticipation while Cas sat on his hands to he wouldn’t tap them on the table. They had learned what made Miss Missouri angry and did well to avoid any of them. Soon they were each given a lollipop. Cas’ was blue and Dean’s was green._

_“You boys sure hold hands a lot.” Missouri giggled sitting by them._

_Dean looked down at his hand that still held his friends, “Cas gets scared.” Dean shrugged._

_“I do not! You get scared.” Cas argued back._

_“Maybe.” Missouri cut in, “you just like each other.”_

_“Well duh,” Dean said rolling his eyes, “Cas is my friend. Of course I like him.”_

_Missouri giggled, “You boys never change. You hear me?”_

_“Yes Miss Missouri.” They sang back together._

_Once they’d had their fill of sugar they asked if they could go home. Their babysitter laughed and told them they were welcome to do anything they’d like. Dean decided he would walk Cas home because Sammy was still probably taking a nap at home and it was boring to wait around for him to wake up. They made it to Cas’ lawn when his friend stopped and gave a tug on his hand._

_“What’s up?” Dean said, stopping and turning to the dark haired boy._

_“Dean...you’re old right?”_

_“Oh yeah. I’m six remember? Almost seven.”_

_“I was watching a movie with my momma...and in it...when two people like each other they kiss.”_

_“Ew.” Dean said turning up his lip, “That sounds gross.”_

_Castiel’s face went a bit red, “You told Missouri you like me...maybe...maybe…”_

_“You want to try and kiss? Cas we’re just kids.”_

_“I know!” Cas said defiant. “I was just wondering. I gotta go home. My momma will worry.” Cas let his fingers fall out from his and he started to run away._

_“Wait!” Dean yelled catching up to him and grabbing him. “We can…” He said quietly and looking at his feet. Before Cas could tell him differently, he grabbed Cas’ shoulders and kissed the other’s mouth like he’d seen grown ups do before. He didn’t see what the big deal was. It wasn’t very different from kissing someone on the cheek. He leaned back and looked up at the sky, “I do like you.” He said. Taking a chance he looked at his friend. Unlike him, Cas was red in the face. Dean was about to ask him what the big deal was when Cas kissed him. He nearly fell over from Cas tugging him but was pushed back on balance when Cas let him go. Wide eyed, he stared at his friend when he continued to run back to his house._


	38. Chapter 38

Cas idly wandered through the library, he’d lied when he told Dean he was looking for a certain book. After he’d selected a book at random from the shelf he found a corner in the downstairs portion of the library and settled into a chair, not sure how long Dean would be.

 _'He's in a strange mood,_ ' he thought, ' _but then again, I can't really say it's surprising._ ' Cas turned the pages of his book barely reading them. He couldn't imagine what it would've been like if his mother had reacted the same way Dean's father did. He shuddered and pulled his legs up to himself. He remembered the comments and sneers he'd gotten from his peers and felt a hole in his gut in sympathizing with Dean.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_"Oi! Fag! Fancy a nice fat cock? I got one you can suck."_

_Every part of Castiel wanted to shout back that that sounded a bit gay but held back. Even if he tried to yell at them his voice would probably crack and then they'd just tease him more. He slid his backpack up his shoulder and put his head down, hoping if he ignored them they would lose interest._

_Sneaking in late to class, he pulled his hoodie up over his head and put it down on his desk. If he just didn't look at anybody then no one could say anything wrong or hurtful. He listened to his teacher, what passed through his desk anyway, and felt even worse because he actually really liked this class, just not it's occupants. They had been studying Beowulf and he couldn't help but be intrigued by the strange language and poetry. Cas had lost himself in the book when something hit his head. It wasn’t heavy. Curiously, he peeked out from under his jacket, a group of boys on the other end of the room were laughing hysterically and mocked his facial expression, looking bewildered and surprised. Angry he put his head down once again. ‘Ignore them. Ignore them. Ignore them.’ He chanted to himself and tried to focus once again on the lecture, but the magic was gone._

_As if the morning was a precursor the rest of the day seemed the same; kids laughed, some shoved him, some talked horrible about him like he wasn't sitting next to them at all, teachers were almost worse. If they weren't sticking their nose up at him they were ignoring anything done to him. He could've cried he was so happy when the final bell rang. Water was dumping from the sky. 'Just when I thought it couldn't get worse." Cas thought disgruntled. He tugged his trench coat tighter and started at a bit of a run home, carefully avoiding the boys who tormented him after classes ended. Stepping through his back door he found his mother in the kitchen._

_"Hello Angel." She said cheerfully. "I made some hot cocoa on account of the weather."_

_His heart swelled at the affection shown to him. He’d told his mother briefly of what was going on at school but he didn’t want to be the boy who had his mother come defend him. “Hello,” he said quietly and gave a faint smile at her. “I’m just going to go run my stuff upstairs but then I’ll be back for cocoa.”_

_Castiel felt his eye sting with water as he hurried up the stairs, he couldn’t let them fall however, no need to have his mother worry about him when she had everything going on. ‘_ I’ve got this.’ _he told himself and threw his books and jacket in his room, wiped any trace of a tear and hurried back downstairs. No doubt his mom would want to watch a movie that night._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

“Cas?” Dean asked him, snapping him out of his daydream.

“Oh. Hello Dean.” He smiled back, “Did you get everything figured out?”

Dean shrugged and sat down next to him on an adjacent chair. “I just gave him the overview...he...he wants to think about things. Ya know with everything he’s doing as well.”

Castiel didn’t know what Dean was talking about but something popped up in his memory, “Earlier...you said ‘the last two weeks’ what does that mean?”

Dean looked at him through lidded eyes, and sighed, relaxing into the chair and pulling his arms over his face, “Cole is being deployed in a couple weeks.”

“I’m sorry...I didn’t know.” Cas placed his book down, “I’m sorry I dragged you around with me all day. You should’ve been with him…”

“It’s fine Cas.” Dean said muffled through his arms, “I didn’t really want him to see me like this anyway. But let’s just forget about it.” his friend detangled himself and sat properly, “You wanna go see a movie or something? I thought this day was doing whatever the hell we want. Well, as much as I like libraries, let’s gtfo.”

Happy Dean would wanted him around that day he got up and offered Dean a hand up. Even though the days had been snowy and every other hour was dark and grey, Cas found that the sky seemed brighter today and the snow was somehow prettier than it usually was.

“I fucking love the snow.” Dean grinned.

Cas smiled at his friend sharing his mindset, “Can I ask why? I mean, I see it today but usually I just want it to melt.”

Dean shrugged, “I guess cuz my birthday is in January...and snow means it’s coming soon.”

“Not good enough.” Cas said wrinkling his nose, “It’s cold, and wet, and it’s easy to get sick.”

“Psht, you can’t tell me if my reasons are good enough.” Dean snorted, “Watch, by springtime, I’ll have you hooked on this bandwagon. Snow is fuckin awesome.”

“I’m trusting you then.” Cas nodded and lead Dean to the car.

Neither felt like spending a lot of money they found a dollar theater and chose a movie neither had even heard of. Dean insisted they buy popcorn saying it was a sin if they didn’t buy any. Castiel tried to argue that the popcorn was more than their ticket but this only gave Dean the motivation to get some, because what you don’t spend on a full ticket you get for a ticket and treats. It felt good to see Dean so happy, even if his eye was a bit darkened the rest of his face shone. Half way through the movie Cas felt Dean lean on his shoulder to whisper something in his ear but his friend never moved back. Nervous, he let Dean stay there, but after five minutes got concerned that he was overstepping some boundary, he leaned over slightly to look at his friend. Dean was sound asleep, his mouth open with one hand half full of popcorn. Laughing softly, Cas leaned back in his seat and let Dean sleep it out.

When the end credits rolled, Dean grunted awake, “Whad I miss?”

“The movie.” Cas laughed.

“Shuddap.” Dean groaned and sat up, “We should prolly go pick up Sammy.”

“Dean.” Cas said seriously, “You know it’s like four thirty...school has been out for awhile now.”

“The fuck?” Dean asked, “Well god, let’s go get him. I bet he’s pissed we left him alone.”

“Or..” Cas said getting up, “He didn’t even notice how long it’s been and has been making out with Jess.”

“Gross. Cas. That’s my little brother.” Dean said getting up as well. “Regardless, let’s go find the little squirt.”

“You realize he’s about your height, right?”

“Still a squirt.”

Cas rolled his eyes and smiled, turning to walk out of the theater and knew Dean would follow. The sun was setting outside making the cool winter air seemed colder. He hugged himself in his jacket and looked at Dean. He'd given him one of his jackets that was too big and had to admit Dean filled it better than he ever did. He thought about just letting Dean keep it but worried he'd see it as a charity. So lost on his own thoughts he didn't realize the other was talking to him.

"Earth to Cas?"

"Huh?"

Dean smiled, "I texted Sam. He is at Jess' house, can we go pick him up?"

"Course, of course." Cas nodded like he'd been paying attention the whole time. "Did you enjoy your nap?" He teased.

"Shaddup. Your shoulder isn't squishy enough and now, I have a crink in my neck."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Cas said sarcastically, "I'll be sure to gain some weight to make a better pillow."

"Finally. Now you're speaking logic."

"Oh my god."

They bickered all the way to get Sam about which place had the best burgers, their choice for dinner, and continued still even after Sam got in the car.

"Jesus." Sam sighed, "We all know we're gonna end up at the Roadhouse."

Dean looked at him and smiled a big toothy grin, "Seeeee."

"Shut up." Cas laughed and flipped the car around towards Sam's suggestion.

Like always the ended at the roadhouse in a far booth, this time however, Cas told Dean (and Jo) that he was cut off from alcoholic beverages tonight. Dean pouted and tried to convince him otherwise. Castiel just stared at him blankly, and tried to use his authoritative voice on him.

“Oh come on, Cas, what’s the harm?”

“My house, my rules.”

“Lame. Jo. Tell him he’s lame.” Dean pleaded when Jo came back.

“I’m with him on this one, Dean. I think a break will do you some good. Buuuuut. I did put extra bacon on your cheeseburger for you.” Jo said, as recompense.

“Oh my god. I love you.” Dean said looking at her with large eyes.

“Thanks sweetie, I love you too.” Jo grinned then turned to the other two, “Keep an eye on him though, he’ll try to get some outta the other servers.”

“Yes ma’am.” Sam saluted as she walked away.

Castiel looked at his own cheeseburger and salvated a little bit. He told Jo to add extra mushrooms, which she did to the highest degree. Not only were they falling out of the sandwich without even touching it, but she had brought a separate bowl with just mushrooms in it. She had winked at him when she placed it down to which he smiled happily. Mid-bite he noticed Dean was talking about him to Sammy.

“Dude, it was crazy. Like. All. Over. Him.”

“Sounds like you’re a little jelly.” Sam said and took a sip of his coke.

“Jealous? Please. I’m just saying. It’s strange.”

“What’s strange?” Cas asked joining the conversation.

Sam looked at Dean who shrugged, not wanted to tell the story all over again, “He thinks its odd that girls just flock to you.”

“Girls what?” Castiel asked looking confused.

Dean laughed, choked on a piece of meat, and then tried to drink it down. Sam started laughing and Dean threw a crumpled napkin at him, “Those chicks at the pool man. It’s like. You’re a babe magnet.” he said when he’d cleared his airway.

“Oh.” Cas said with a shrug, “I thought they were just being friendly.”

“Amazing.” Sam said nodding, “I see what you mean.”

“What now.”

“Well, Dean was saying you also seemed to be oblivious to the literally hundreds of people who sit and stare at you.”

“Hundreds?” Cas questioned mockingly.

“I’m serious!” Dean joined in, “Look around this room Cas. Not quick, but just scan the room. Tell me how many people you see looking at you.”

Cas was doubtful but looked around anyway. Careful not to look any one place for too long or look like he was concentrating on any one person. His face reddened when he realized that at least one person at every other table glanced at him, trying to make eye contact. There were a few girls who did achieve eye contact who did one of two things; either they giggled and looked at the group they were with or waved and tried smiling at him.

“Told you.” Dean said, taking another giant bite.

“It’s not hundreds.” Cas said, sticking up for himself.

“Okay,” Dean said sarcastically, “add in all the people we saw all day, and I swear to god it’s hundreds.”

“But I’m gay, and awkward, and I don’t talk to people, and I don’t do anything exciting.”

Sam was laughing now, “Face it, you’re a hottie.”

Cas’ face flushed again and he turned his attention back to his burger. ‘ _Not hot enough to keep anyone around_.’ he thought bitterly and was sad to find his sandwich had lost some of it’s magic.  He tried not to take the brother’s too seriously but he found himself feeling like he was in the spotlight and hid himself mentally by checking his phone, even when he knew there was nothing new to display.

True to Jo’s prediction, one of the employee’s had been slipping some vodka in Dean’s drinks and he became flirty and giggly within half an hour. Sam rolled his eyes, but Cas smiled. Even if his friend was drunk he was happy. This was his mindset until they were trying to go back to his house anyway.

“Caaassss.” Dean sang, “Cas, hey, man, hey. Listen to me. Sam tell him to listen.”

“Dean he’s listening.”

“But he isn’t looooking at me. Cas, hey caaaaass. Imma start calling you Cassie.”

“Oh my god, Dean, I’m driving, what is it?”

Dean giggled, “Cas rhymes with ass. It’s funny cuz like. If could mean you are a fucking ass, but like, it could mean that you have a great ass.”

“Or it’s a happy coincidence.” Cas said to his friend smiling.

“Nah. OH MY GOD!!!” Dean exclaimed, “Sammy. This, this is mindblowing. It’s both. Hahahahaaaa. It’s fucking both.”

“Dean.” Sam said sighing, “Please don’t flirt with me right here.”

“I’m not flirting!” Dean said defensive, “I’m just saying he’s got a hot ass. Well. I’ve never seen it. Hahahaha Cas. Hey Cas, you wanna show me your ass so I can check?

Cas rolled his eyes, “Nope, I’m good.”

“That’s so rude.” Dean said and folded his arms, and then pulled his legs up.

“Dean. You are pouting like a toddler.”

“I’m not a toddler. You’re a toddler. You’re so...so small.”

Castiel laughed, “Oh, that’s not true. I promise.”

“GRoSs!” Sam said from the back seat. “Guys, please! I’m right here.”

Dean started laughing too, “Now you gotta show me.”

“No.” Cas said sternly but smiled, “That is for guys under the boyfriend status only.”

“Whhhaaat, come on, we were almost. That one time. Sam, hey sam. Tell him. Tell him how we made out and it was totally hot.”

“I’m not going to say that.” Sam said blandly, “Are we there yet? I’m dying.”

“Two minutes.” Cas assured him. “Then you can run and hide from the flirtation from your brother.”

“Thank god.”

“Hey!” Dean vocalized, “I’m sitting right here!” then giggled, “Hahahhaaa, Cas...geddit? Cuz I was being Sammy. I make a pretty good Sammy.”

“OH MY GOD.” Sam exclaimed and put his head against the side door of the car for the rest of the car drive.

Cas was giggling at something Dean had said when he pulled up to his house. His mother’s car was in the driveway. He wondered how he was going to explain Dean but then knew that there wasn’t anything really to do about it. He helped Dean out of the car who continued to hug him even after they made it out of the car. Sam made sure to walk ahead of them, determined not to listen to anything else he didn’t want to hear. Cas pulled Dean through the doorway, promising him chocolate ice cream, and tripped over the doormat, falling on his back.

“Son of a bitch.” Dean said, who had fallen on top of him.

Cas rubbed his head where it met the floor and looked into the house. His mother was standing over him with a smile on her face. He smiled back and pried Dean off of him, who then rolled onto the ground, set on sleeping there. He laughed and called Sam back to help him get Dean upstairs. Sam came back but had someone else with him. Balthazar was staring at him and Dean with a strange look on his face. To the untrained eye it would just look like Balth was tired, or confused but Cas knew. He knew that Balthazar was disgruntled with him holding onto Dean the way he was. A ball of fire lit in his gut, not caring, because Balth had left, not him.

“Oh heeeeeeeey!” Dean said pointing at Balth. “You’re friend is back. Should I say friend? Or Boyfriend?”

“Dean-” Cas tried to cut in.

“Don’t worry. I’ll ask. Hey Balthazar? Are you and Cas a thing? Cuz I gotta tell ya. Quite a few girls were watchin him today.”

“Dean.” Cas said more stern.

“Hey, shh. Cas I’m talkin.” He said putting a finger to Cas’ lip, then turned back, “I mean. I’d date him but I think he’s still stuck on you. So..boyfriend? Friend? I gotta know.”

“Dean.” Sam spoke this time. He grabbed Dean from Cas and pulled him upstairs and left.

Cas stared at his friend but didn’t know what to say. He saw his mother’s eye on him but didn’t make eye contact with her. She said something about getting something in the kitchen and left. Just Balth and him remained now. He felt like he should say something but didn’t know what to.

“Well.” Balth said, breaking the silence.

“Well what?” Cas said.

“What are we.”

“We really gonna do this right now?” Cas asked, too tired for all the drama.

“I dunno, I mean. I just find you and Deano all cozy after a day together. I don’t know what I should be thinking.”

“You?! You don’t know what you should be feeling!?” Cas asked truly surprised.

“Yeah-”

“Outside.” Castiel said harshly pointing to the door.

Once outside, Balthazar turned to him, but Castiel let him to the backyard, away from anyone listening from just inside the house. Balthazar stopped and tugged on his arm, “Can’t we just talk.”

“Balthazar.” Cas said, “You go ask me what the hell is going on when you leave every time you get the slightest opening.”

“Cassie, we know-”

“Don’t you dare tell me that isn’t true.” Cas defended. “I am hopelessly in love with you. At least. I thought I was. God. I bear you my heart and soul and at the first sign of struggle you’re up and out then want back when I’m back to ‘normal’ how is that a healthy relationship?”

“Cassie. I just don’t want to stay where I can’t help you with anything.”

“Help?! Balthazar. I’ll I need is for someone to sit and stay with me. I need someone I know isn’t going to leave me when the road goes dark.”

“I think you’re just focusing too much on what happened in the past.”

Castiel rubbed his face, “I didn’t even bring that up, I’m talking about now. I’m talking the last month. You just leave?”

“You said you needed a break.”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to have sex every single day that didn’t mean I didn’t want you around.”

“Well why didn’t you just say so!”

“I would have!!! You left!”

Balth spun in a circle and sighed, “Cassie, can’t we just move on…”

Castiel stared at him, “Why did you bring it up?” his chest clenching.

“Bring up what?”

“You. You cheating on me.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Where have you been?” Cas asked softly.

“Cassie-”

“Did you?” Castiel asked, trying to keep his voice even, “Did you again? Again?!”

“It wasn’t anything.”

Castiel felt his gut drop but he refused to let anymore tears fall, “I’m done. Balth. We can be friends but please. Please just leave.”

“Cassie, come on. I was sad, and lonely. I missed you. That’s why I came back! I always come back.”

“Balthazar! I don’t want to be someone’s part time lover!”

“Well it looks like you were doing the same.” Balthazar said accusingly.

“With Dean? You’re kidding. Balth, he’s dating someone.”

“So you were all cuddly on the floor for nothing? Strange. That doesn’t happen.”

“He’s drunk. God. He’s drunk.”

Balthazar folded his arms, “And the bruise?”

“What about his bruises? Balth, I like to mark but that’s a bit extreme.” Cas said rolling his eyes, “His dad found out he likes dudes.”

“Oh…” Balth said quietly. “Okay. See we talked this out. Can’t we just...pick up where we left off?”

Castiel found himself laughing. “You’re not serious.” then watched his friend, “Oh my god you are. Balthazar. No. No we can’t pick up where we left off because I don’t even know where the last place I felt good with you was. I missed you like hell and you left then you come back and say you’ve gonna do better and it’s like you hit the fucking repeat button.”

“Language.” Balth said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this right now. You need to leave.”

“Cassie-”

“Go!!” Castiel shouted, louder than he intended, “Go!!” he said again with his voice cracking, “You’re so damn practiced at it. Go!!!!” Balthazar stepped forward and tried to reason with him but he pushed him back. “Just go.” he said softly. He felt the chill of the air reach him. It was if all the anger he had bundled in had kept him warm. Now that he’d voiced everything he felt empty and cold. “Please.”

“Cassie.” Balth said reaching over and wiping a tear from his face.

“Balth,” Cas said grabbing the hand in from his face “I’ll call you later, please just. Go.” With that he turned back into towards his house and left his friend in the snow, not really caring.

Once inside he found his mom sitting on the couch with the TV on but it was clear she wasn’t watching, she was tapping her knee and turned around with a concerned smile when he opened the door. His chest was heavy and he planted himself down next to her.

“How did it go?” She asked stroking his hair.

“I...I...he...he did it again. So, I walked away.” Cas said, not wanting to give her the full details.

“Oh angel.” Anna soothed and kissed his forehead.

He buried his head in her neck and let himself be held. When his eyes had dried he excused himself upstairs to go check on the brothers. It wasn’t really fair that he’d dumped Dean onto Sam like that. He knocked on Sam’s door and came in when he answered. Dean was laying on the ground throwing a pillow up in the air and trying to catch it. Every time it went up it landed back down right on his face. This apparently was upsetting because Dean grumbled every time it hit him and tried again. Cas felt a laugh bubble and couldn’t hold it back.

Dean looked over at him, just in time for the pillow to hit him, and got up, barely. “Casss! See. Sam I told you he was comin back. Hey. Hey. Let’s have ice cream. You said. I could have some.”

“Alright.” Cas smiled softly, “Would you like some ice cream?” he asked Sam.

“No thanks. If you’ve got Dean, I’m gonna crash, is that cool?”

Cas nodded and pulled the elder brother with him out into the hall. Dean skipped behind him and tugged on his sleeve the whole time. Partly, Cas thought was to keep himself upright the other because he was so giddy. Anna smiled at them coming down the stairs and offered to help make sure Dean didn’t fall flat on his face but Castiel waved her off. They made it to the kitchen and Dean sat down in a seat and swirled once around on it.

“Cas, I didn’t know you had spinny chairs.”

Castiel laughed, “Dean. They’re not. You’re spinning on them.”

“Oh.” Dean giggled. “Can I have ice cream now?”

Serving them each a bowl he seated himself next to Dean who downed his bowl in a couple of minutes and then eyed Cas’ bowl with envy until he agreed to share. Dean dipped his spoon in Cas’ bowl a few times, even with ice cream on the spoon, before putting it in his mouth. When both bowls were empty Dean attempted to wash the bowls out saying it was a guests job to help out. Cas sat entertained by this and only helped after Dean dropped a spoon on the floor and cursed at it.

“Let me help.” Cas said and nudged the boy over, and finished rinsing and putting them into the dishwasher. When he turned around Dean was sitting on the counter swinging his feet back and forth with a lopsided grin. Smiling he tugged Dean down and pulled him back upstairs. Anna wished them a goodnight on their way back up. Dean offered to kiss her on the cheek goodnight but Cas tugged him along.

“Cas. Where am I sleeping?”

“In a bed.”

“Your bed?” Dean teased and laughed.

“No.” Cas smiled.

Dean stopped Cas’ door and refused to move forward. “Hey Cas.”

Cas turned to look at him. “What is it?”

“Thanks.” Dean grinned, “I had a good day. Did you have a good day?”

“Yes. I did.”

“Fuck yes.” Dean said, he leaned forward and hugged Castiel tightly. “Let’s hang out again tomorrow Cas.”

“Well you’ll be here tomorrow, because...well you’re sleeping here.”

“I am? Fuck yeah.” Dean laughed in his ear.

Cas could smell the alcohol on Dean’s breath and pulled away, “Yep, now. Let’s go.”

“Waaaait.” Dean said pulled Cas’ sleeve making him turn back around. “Don’t I get a goodnight kiss?”

“Dean.” Cas said rolling his eyes, “You are nearly eighteen. I think you’ll live.”

“Psh, not goin to bed then.” Dean said with a crooked smile.

“Fine,” Cas said and leaned to kiss Dean on the cheek, “Now-”

Dean grabbed his chin and pulled his face and kiss him on the lips. “You missed.”

Castiel pulled back instantly, “Dean. I-I can’t do this with you.”

“Do what?” Dean said giggling.

Cas didn’t answer but pulled his friend along, he let Dean into the room opposite of Sam. As soon as Dean and successfully made it to the bed he left and didn’t look back. His head was spinning. Sick of thinking, sick of emotions, sick of the world, he crawled into bed and let himself sleep. Hoping that when the morning came it would be like he’d pushed a reset button on his life.


	39. Chapter 39

“Fuck.” Dean groaned rolling over. There was a ray of sun streaming from a window across the room. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. He had a vague memory of Cas taking him into a room. Quickly he looked over, then sighed, grateful the other wasn’t next to him. The fast movement made his head throb. He took a deep breath in and got up, trying to remember the night before. He crossed the room in a few steps and opened the door. Cas was in the bathroom to his right brushing his teeth, the boy smiled at him and Dean remembered. “Fuck.” he said under his breath. Trying to remain calm he walked over to his friend.

“Hey.” Dean said with what he hoped was a smiled.

“Good morning.” Cas grinned then spit into the sink.

Dean leaned on the doorway. “Look. I’m sorry. I uh. I get a bit...flirty...when I’m drunk.”

Castiel laughed, “I noticed. It’s okay…” he trailed off, “would you like some aspirin?”

“God yes.” Dean said closing his eyes. “And, the largest cup of water you have.”

“Dry Mouth?” Cas laughed, “Come on. Sam is already up.”

“What time is it?” Dean asked scratching his head.

“About noon.”

“Fuck.” Dean sighed, “I’m sorry. That was really shitty of me.”

Cas turned around and looked at him with empathetic eyes, “You’re just fine, Dean.”

In the kitchen, Sam was seated eating a bowl of oatmeal and smiled when he saw his brother. Dean knew what his brother was going to say before it even came out of his mouth. Trying to avoid making eye contact he followed Cas like a lost duck and got a bowl from him as well as a spoon. He poured his cereal, making a point not to look at Sam. He sat down, keeping a nose up, still refusing to acknowledge the other.

“So.” Sam said anyway, “Is Cas a good kisser?”

“Dammit Sam.” Dean said shoving a spoon of cereal in his mouth, “I’m allowed to be drunk.”

Sam laughed, “You know. It doesn’t change so much your thinking as a release of stuff you were holding back anyway.”

Castiel, who was sitting on the other side of the room, flushed a shade of pink and put his head down in a silent laugh. “Sam, leave him be.”

“Oh come on. Will you guys just hook up so I can stop being in the middle of this awkward sexual tension?”

It was Dean’s turn to blush, “Wha-I don’t-Sammy you’re crazy.”

Cas smiled at his brother, “One kiss doesn’t mean anything. Besides, Dean still is dating Cole.”

“Yeah!” Dean said, triumphant that Cas had come up with a point, “and Cas has that douche bag.”

“Dean.” Sam seethed at him.

“What?” He defended.

Castiel put the rest of the drink he’d been sipping on in the sink and turned around so he wouldn’t have to look at the others, “I...ha. I ended things with Balth last night.”

“That’s a mild way to put it.” Sam snorted.

Dean looked from his brother to  Cas and back, “What am I missing?”

“It’s nothing.” Castiel said quickly, turning around and faking a smile.

Dean tilted his head in doubt and started to ask, “Cas-”

“The fucker cheated on him again.” Sam cut in.

There was a solid two seconds of silence. Cas put his head down and looked pointedly at the floor, Dean’s mouth dropped open and then he turned to his brother. “First. The hell are you cursing for? Second. Cas. I swear I’m gonna rip that fucker’s lungs out.”

“Dean.” Cas said looked up at him, “It’s fine.”

“No it’s not!” Dean said putting his spoon down, suddenly not hungry anymore. “What the actual fuck? Cas. Lemme go kick his ass. Who the _hell_ does he think he is!”

“Dean-”

“No!” Dean shouted a bit loudly.

Sam scooted back in his seat and awkwardly put his empty bowl in the sink, “I’m...just gonna let you two talk…”

“Sure Sam.” Dean said but kept his eyes on Cas. “Open a can of worms then leave.”

“Leave him alone.” Castiel defended, “Sam,” he said looking at the younger brother, “You can go hang out with Jess if you want. You were suppose to be there half an hour ago right?”

“The hell!?” Dean said but Cas ignored him.

“My mom’s out and it doesn’t look like we’re going anywhere if you’d like to take my car.”

“I don’t have my-” Sam started but saw the look on Cas’ face and nodded, grabbing the car keys off the counter. “I’ll call you guys in a little while. Don’t worry Dean, I’m not having sex with her.” Sam said rolling his eyes, “Not all of us want to do that at sixteen.”

“Oh shut up.” Dean said. His head was pounding from the hangover as well as the anger that boiled in his gut.

Castiel walked Sam out and left Dean to stew for a minute in his own thoughts. When he returned he sat down next to Dean and waited for what the other had to say. Dean was too full of emotions to even know where to begin to start. He was angry at Balth for doing such a thing twice, he was angry at himself for kissing Cas, when his friend was right, he still had Cole to think about. He was mad at Sam for swearing. He felt sorrow for what he must have put Cas through last night, and most of all guilt for all the kindness that Castiel had shown him the last few days. It wasn’t fair of him to get mad about something so trivial.

“Cas.” Dean said, “I’m sorry.”

“For?” Cas asked confused, doing the head tilt thing he found adorable.

“For kissing you...wrong time, and uh. I feel like I did the same to Cole what Balth did to you.”

Cas laughed sadly, “Just tell him.” he shrugged, “Also, I’m pretty sure you didn’t sleep with me so...you haven’t quite leveled with Balth just yet.”

“He fuckin-" Dean cut in.

“Dean.” Cas said, holding up a hand, “It’s over with me and him. So. There’s nothing left to get upset over.”

Dean snorted, “Yeah. and all those feelings you have for the guy just evaporated right? You can’t sit here and look me in the eye and tell me that you’re not hurting at all.”

Castiel did look at him in the eye but didn’t say anything, his face remained neutral and passive, “I’m going to be okay.”

Still frustrated, Dean sighed but continued eating, for the sake of something to do. Neither him or Cas said anything but sat together. Dean hoped that the other was simply thinking about everything just as he was and not waiting for him to say something. “You are a good kisser.” Dean said after a moment, not looking at Cas.

Cas chuckled, “Thanks, but you didn’t kiss me anymore than my crazy great aunt would have. Dean…” he said shifting in his seat to turn towards him, “I do want to get something clear with you.”

‘ _Fuck,_ ’ Dean thought, ‘ _what is he gonna say. Wait. Why am I worried? This is Cas._ ’ “Er...shoot.” Dean said uncertain.

“I do like you Dean.” Castiel said with a sad smile, “but I’m not going to start anything with you because….because a few things. First, I’m not going to be someone’s Balthazar." He spit the name bitterly, "Second, I don’t want you to think that you have to start anything with me. Third, I panic every day that if we ever did..well.” Castiel’s voice shook, “I-I’m worried what your dad would do if he knew...I mean. All he knew was that you were texting a boy? What would he do if he found out you were holding hands with a boy? Kissing a boy?...or ya know” Castiel blushed, “anything else.”

“Cas.” Dean said sympathetic. “I-”

“But.” Cas said finishing, “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t...do any of those things with you.” They stared at each other for a moment. “Um. Well. I think what I’m trying to say is. Well. If you really would want to then...it’s up to you...but...but I can’t force all those consequences on you.”

“You like me?” Dean said. He knew he had thousands of other things to say but somehow that one came up, “Why?”

Tilting his head once more, Cas replied, “Dean. You’re kind, sensitive, you clearly love and care about your family and treat your friends as such. You defend those who cannot defend themselves and well goodness, you’re hot.”

Dean blushed, “But I’m flaky. I get angry easy. I’m well...I’m an idiot.”

“Dean.”

Cas was looking at him like he was a broken puppy. “I…” he started, there was a strange feeling in his chest. “I have to...I think. I think I need some time to myself...just like...a couple hours..”

“That’s fine.” Cas said with a forced smiled, “I’d let you take my car but I kinda just sent it out with your brother.”

Dean huffed a laughed, “It’s fine… I think I’m just gonna walk...helps me think. Well. Not as much as driving but I prolly need the exercise.”

Giggling, Cas gave him a true smile. “Okay, but  you’re aren’t dumb. You may be flaky and angry but I’m possessive, over emotional, and a train wreck myself. We all have baggage.”

“God. Why do you talk like you’re thirty.” Dean smiled rolling his eyes. He got up and headed for the door, "Um. Are you okay?” He paused before he left.

“Of course-”

“No. I mean like. Not about all this..like in general.” he motioned to the house, “How is your mom? Are you really okay with Balth? Still gonna kick his ass by the way.” He added.

There was a flicker of emotion behind Cas’ eyes but it disappeared quickly, “It’s okay.” at Dean’s inquiring look he smiled at looked at his hands which he started fiddling with, “Life isn’t perfect...but I’m not going to do anything drastic if that’s what you’re asking about.”

"Good. Or I'll have to kick your ass too." Dean warned, but smiled.

Cas offered him a heavier coat if he was going to be walking in the snow, but Dean turned him down. He was already borrowing a jacket to go over his hoodie and a fluffy blue scarf that Cas had tucked away in a closet. Waving to goodbye to Cas, he stepped out into the cold.

He couldn't reason why he wasn't angry or surprised by his friends confession. Instead he felt confused. 'I should be bitter.' Dean contemplated. It was true that Castiel had run like a tail between his legs rather than try something with him. But Dean couldn't help but feel something next to pity for his friend. ' _Strange_ ' he scoffed to himself, 'He's the one with a stable home life and I feel bad for him.' The phrase Cas had use struck with him. "I can't force all those consequences on you."

Frustrated with his thoughts he kicked a pile of snow blocking his path. "God dammit." He gingerly touched his side remembering the boots that had given him an ugly bruise. Although his face and ribs were beginning to yellow, he couldn't help but realize the truth in Cas' words. Even if he wasn't dating Cas, dating Cole wasn't going much better.

Dean stopped walking, ' _I have to make a choice...and it's not going to end well...for everyone._ ' With a deep breath,  to hold in the emotion that filled his eyes, he looked up finally at his surroundings, there was a church within view. He hadn't been in years he found himself walking towards it. The large arch provided just enough cover for a small area to be left untouched by the snow. He curled himself in the corner farthest and put his head on his knees.  “Mom.” He whispered to himself. “What do I do.”

✻✻✻✻✻

_“Deeeeean,” His mother laughed, “Climb down.”_

_Dean stumbled from above his mother on a pillow  down to her lap. “Mommy? Can I sleep with Sammy?”_

_“No,” She chuckled, “you need to let Sammy sleep on his own.”_

_Dean frowned, “But he gets to sleep with you sometimes!”_

_“So do you.” Mary giggled, tickling him on his tummy._

_"Mommy- stop!" He giggled and crawled away. "Is Daddy comin home today?"_

_His mother smiled softly, there was a hint of sadness in his eyes but she didn't let her smile fall, "Daddy is going to be working. Why don't we go wake Sammy from his nap and make some lunch."_

_"Okay!" Dean beamed and started down the hall to his brother's room, he threw open the door and sprang up to the bars on Sam's crib, "Hey! Wake up! Mom's gonna make us lunch!"_

_His younger brother giggled and reached a hand towards him, Dean reached through the bars and grabbed a hold of the out stretched hand. Mary came in and picked Sam up, forcing Dean to let go. He followed his mother to the kitchen and waited patiently for his food. He clicked his heels together and sang Old McDonald under his breath, though most of it was the '_ ei ei o' _._

_A plate with a pb & j was placed in front of him, the crust cut off and the bread cut into triangles. He thanked his mommy and made sure to eat all of it and drink his milk. When he did both Mommy would take him on a walk. As he predicted, after, Mary bundled him up in his coat and put Sammy in one as well. Once everyone's boots and hats were on they set out into the snow._

_Dean ran into every untouched lawn he could see. He drew a smiley face with his boots, a heart, and even made a snow angel in one of them. Each time he was doing one, Mary waited for him to finish then set walking again, making sure to pause when Dean stopped._

_Nose red, runny, and frozen, Dean decided he wanted to go back home. He slipped his hand into his mother's and together they turned around and headed for warmth. Dean was skipping and looked across the road, a lady was walking with another lady and they were holding hands._

_"Mommy?" He asked, "Do you think they have a little boy too?"_

_Mary looked up and the couple across the street, "Maybe." She smiled._

_"So you don't need a mommy and a daddy for a family?" Dean asked squinting one eye, trying to think real hard._

_"Nope." Mary grinned, "All you need is love."_

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Dean stood at the door to the coffee shop he'd agreed to meet Cole at. He swallowed and pushed the door open, the smell of pumpkin spiced drinks filled his nose and put him a little at ease. He ordered a pumpkin chai and sat at a table near a window. Halfway through his drink he saw Cole pull up. Panicking he began tapping his cup on the surface of the table, getting a pointed look from an old lady sitting across from him. He smiled apologetically and waited, tapping his toes now.

Cole smiled at him and found him in an instant. He sat across from Dean and gingerly took one of his hands. ' _This is going to suck ass._ ' He told himself. "Hey." He greeted and tried to smile.

"Uh oh." Cole sighed, "I know that 'hey.'" Cole let go of his hand and put both hands in his lap, waiting for Dean to speak.

"I...shit. This is horrible." Dean groaned, "Couple things. One, I really like you. Like, a lot, more than I've liked anyone in a long time...but-"

"Is it your dad or me?"

"Neither." Dean hurried, "You're wonderful. You're smart, you're fucking adorable, I feel safe with you..."

"Then what's the problem?" Cole asked confused.

Dean swallowed hard, "I...I'm worried. I'm worried I'll be a completely different person when you come back. Don't look at me like that! I mean, I'm not even the same person I was a month ago. Hell, two months ago I thought I was straight." He laughed.

"So it is me." Cole winced.

"No." Dean insisted. "It's me. And like I know all relationship cheesy crap people say that...but it's true. I-I don't, fuck..."

Cole studied him, "Can...can I still talk to you? I know it sounds dumb...but even one contact here...well over there it makes a difference."

"Hell yeah." Dean said, "I just don't want you to think you messed up. Because you were perfect...it's just me." He finished lamely.

Cole smiled, reached across the table to grab his hand, and placed a kiss on it. "You are. Amazing. Dean Winchester. Thank you for letting me be in your life for awhile."

"You make it sound like I'm dying." Dean laughed but blushed.

Not wanting Cole's trip out to be a complete waste of time, they talked for awhile, about them, about life, about what was to come and everything between. Dean offered to buy him a drink but Cole waved him off.

"I should get going." he smiled, looking at his hands, that fondled his car keys.

"I gotta say..." Dean said slowly, "You're taking this surprisingly well.

Cole chuckled, "Dean, it doesn't take a genius to know you love him."

"I dunno about love..." Dean said rolling his eyes then realized what he'd said, "I mean... who?"

Cole laughed at him then stood up, "At least give me a hug goodbye."

"Not dying." Dean mumbled again but got up anyway.

Their embrace was tight but gentle, making Dean wonder if he'd just done something completely stupid. He buried his head into Cole's shoulder and let himself be held. Cole drew him to arm's length and kissed him lightly, first on the lips them on his forehead.

"Keep in touch." Cole smiled.

"Course." Dean said, "Cya..." he said watching his ex leave. His chest was heavy and he sat back down to finish his drink. He looked over at the old lady who had stated him down earlier, now she held a higher look of disgust in her eyes and raised an eyebrow. Dean sighed and got up, if there was one things for sure it was that he now knew he'd have to get used to people's disapproving gazes.

"Yeah." He said to her, "I like guys. I like kissing guys. Guys are hot. You think so right?" She looked surprised he was talking to her, "Yeah. Thought so. Have a good day, ma'am." He tipped an imaginary hat to her and left.

The chill from outside barely touched him, he was too stuck in his own mind to really pay attention to anything around him. He found himself walking in the snow rather than the sidewalk. It gave him a strange sort of comfort that he couldn't explain.

Turning into Cas' street, his phone began to ring. Confused, he answered. "Hello?"

"Dean!" Ash was yelling at him, "Dude. You are alive. Guys!!!" He shouted to the rest of the group, "Dean!!" A strange chorus of his name rang in his ear. It took a solid minute to quiet everyone so that Ash could speak again. "Dean, hey, I'm having a party. You gotta be here."

"Ash? Who's house?" Dean asked.

"Mine!" Ash yelled and hung up.

Smiling, Dean nearly skipped the rest of the way to the Novak house. He wondered, as he walked up to the door, if he should knock or just walk in. Both became irrelevant when Cas suddenly walked out the door. Dean called out to him, no way he'd go by himself. Both of them could probably use a break from all the drama in their lives.

"Dean?" Cas asked curiously.

"Oh..you didn't know I was out here?"

Cas smiled faintly, "No. I uh...well Balth kept calling me...so it was throw my phone or distance myself from it..."

"Couldn't you just...turn it off?" Dean asked.

"I would.. But what if Sam called? Or you?" Cas answered, "You look excited." The other noted, changing the topic.

Dean knew that Cas was straying from what they were talking about but didn’t want to pry open a new box of whatever was coming. “Er..yeah. Ash is throwing a party...you wanna go?” he asked awkwardly. His mind drifted to what had happened at the last time they went to a party together and instantly he felt his cheeks rise with color. “But uh, we don’t have to go. I mean if you don’t want to.”

“I’d love to.” Cas laughed, but shakily.

Dean eyed his friend carefully, knowing that clearly something had happened that Cas wasn’t ready to talk about. “We can walk if you want. That way we don’t need a DD.”

“DD?” Cas asked, tilting his head slightly.

‘ _Fuck me._ ’ “Designated..driver.” Dean coughed, “It’s only a block from here...you in?”

Cas ran back inside to grab a heavier jacket so he could walk through the winter chill. Once back they fell in step towards Ash’s house. Dean could tell that Cas was nervous once again, vaguely he recalled what Kevin had told him about feeling uncomfortable around ‘popular’ people. Instantly he felt guilty and asked Cas if he’d rather go back to his house and watch a movie but he shook his head.

“Are you trying to talk me out of this Winchester?” Castiel laughed at him.

Dean smiled, “Nope. Just don’t wanna force you to do anything.”

”I’d tell you.” Cas promised, “So which of these fancy schmancy houses is Ash’s?”

“You act like your house isn’t all fancy schmancy.” Dean countered smiling, “It’s the one over there..the one with the weird brown panels on it or some shit.”

“Do I look okay?” Cas asked suddenly.

Dean looked him once up and down,”Yeah...why?”

“I just don’t wanna look out of place…” his friend trailed off now focusing on the house in front of them.

“Lookin fine,” Dean teased and pushed the door open to Ash’s house.

Inside was, in a word, loud. All around them were groups of people dancing, drinking, and making fools of themselves. Dean grabbed a hold of Cas’ hand, as not to lose him, at least that’s what he told himself. In and out they weaved through caterwauling teens and awkward run ins with people glued to each other. The smell of alcohol and beer filled the air and Dean found himself relax for some reason. He stopped them in the kitchen and grabbed a couple jello shots then dragged them back out, and into the backyard for some fresh air. Dean felt his smile pull higher than it had been in a long time. Once outside, he dropped Cas’ hand and went to sit under a gazebo in the corner of the yard. There were still people out back as well but they seemed a quieter group of people. They were either in groups playing a guitar and singing or so drunk that they were laying in the snow giggling about something clearly hilarious.

Dean patted the seat next to him for his friend to join him. Cas plotted himself down, close enough that just their knees touched but nothing else. Dean offered him the shot and Cas eyed him carefully.

“I…” he coughed, “I’ve never had alcohol before…”

“What?!” Dean scoffed, “Come on. Never like. A glass of wine at dinner or some shit?”

“How fancy do you think my family is?” Cas laughed, “But no. Balth drank but I never could bring myself to. It smells funky”

“Cas. Oh Cas.” Dean said shaking his head, “We are going to get you drunk.”

With that Dean insisted that Cas have both jello shots he’d brought out, saying that this was a good starter because they didn’t smell so much. After, he once again grabbed his friend’s hand and tugged him through the crowd, in Ash’s living room they found a group who had a bottle of wine and Dean snagged that as well as a half empty bottle of vodka and cups from the kitchen, then they retreated back to their place in the yard. Dean watched anxiously as Cas took his first few sips. At first his nose wrinkled at the strange taste,

“It’s just bitter grape juice.” he said turning his head from it and shivering like he’d gotten chills

Dean laughed, “Here.” He said taking the cup from his friend a pour a bit of vodka in it. “It won’t taste much different, but hey, what the hell.”

“What the hell.” Cas echoed and drank the rest of it in a few gulps.

They took turns taking swigs from each bottle and soon Cas was swaying a little so Dean suggested they lay in the grass, which was shot down when Cas reminded him that there was snow all over the ground. Stubbornly, Dean pulled his hood up over his head and wandered to the yard to plant himself down in the snow, seconds later he was joined by a very drunk Cas. Dean himself had finished off the rest of the wine and a few beers and was a bit hazy himself but let himself relax in the moment of feeling completely carefree. He turned his head towards Cas who was staring at the clouds like they were speaking to him. When Dean called his attention, Cas looked with a lax grin on his face.

“I love clouds.” Cas hummed, and stared at Dean. “You have very green eyes.”

Dean giggled, “Yeah. Yours are like crazy blue.”

“Crazy blue? They should make a crayon called crazy blue. That would be a good crayon.”

“Yeah! Dean chimed, “You could totally just like, color the sky with it.”

Cas laughed heartily at him, “You are so flirty.”

“How was that flirty?” Dean asked scrunching his nose.

The dark hair boy shifted on his side to look at Dean properly, “You’re sitting here talking about how great my eyes are.”

“Psh” Dean scoffed, “You started it.”

Cas was about to retort when someone called to him from the house. Charlie somehow appeared making Dean jump up. “Charlie! Oh my god. Charlie. I love you!”

“I know.” She said flipping her hair behind her head. She took one look at Cas, then a reproachful look at Dean. “What the hell did you do to Cassie?”

“It’s Cas.” Dean corrected and booped her nose.

Wobbling up, Cas stood next to him, or sort of stood, “Yeah. It’s Cas, cuz fucking Balthazar had to go be a fucking shit who fucking fucks everyone.” he snorted a laugh, “You look really pretty Charlie.”

“Thanks…” Charlie said, looking concerned at her friends, “Dean. You get him home safe. I’m not even kidding.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “How irresponsible do you think I am?” Charlie gave him a look that, even drunk, he knew he was in trouble with her. “Fiiine. Cas. Let’s get you a water bottle and lets head back. I can’t carry you back."

“Thank god you didn’t drive.” Charlie added, “I’ll go get you guys some water. Sit.” she said pointing at Cas.

Like a dog, Cas sat and smiled at Dean. “I really like Charlie. She’s my friend. My best friend. I love her.”

“That sounds a little straight.” Dean laughed.

“Mmm,” Cas hummed, “More like, sister love. But I wouldn’t know.” he shrugged and went from his seated position to laying back down in the grass. “I want to have a sibling. Can I have Sammy?”

“Nope.” Dean said giggling, “He’s a pain in the ass, but he’s my pain in the ass.”

Shortly, Charlie returned with two cool bottles of water and helped Cas to his feet. She eyed Dean scathingly and walked them to the sidewalk out front. Cas began skipping and leaving Dean behind. Dean gave a ‘it isn’t my fault I promise.’ look to his friend and set off after the one nearly falling on his face.

Dean caught up to him and swung one arm under Cas’ and let him lean on him. “You are an adorable drunk.”

“Me?” Cas said incredulously, “You. You frikin throw yourself at everyone when you’re drunk. It’s so fuckin cute.”

“You are so sexy when you swear.” Dean said, then tripped on a pile of snow.

“Me? You swear all the time. Like all the fucking time.”

Dean shushed him putting a finger on his lips, “Shhhh, Cas you forget. I fucking know everything. Yep. Every. Thing.”

"Oh," Castiel said giggling, he picked a pile of snow in his hands. "Well..." Cas started again and before  Dean could turn around to face him he shoved the snow in his hands down the back of Dean's coat and finished, "we better cool down that ego of yours."  
  
Immediately Dean stiffened. "Holy Shit. Cas!!" He turned to bat at Cas with his hands while jumping up and down to get the snow from off his back. He felt himself slightly tip but he remained standing, giving up on the snow in his coat he took it off picked up some snow to throw back at his friend.   
  
Expecting this, Cas was already halfway to a park on their left. Dean was surprised he could move that fast while wasted but chased after his friend. Cas had almost reached the slide to hide behind but slipped and tried to stable himself, laughing, naturally Dean took this moment to throw a handful in Cas’ face. Which Cas immediately returned, from snow that had gathered on the slide.   
  
Pink in the face, Dean, paused to wipe the slush from his cheeks. "That's it, Novak, you're gonna get it." Dean's voice was playful but his eyes told a story of vengeance.

Before long both boys were drenched and freezing with snow melting in their shoes and gloves. Dean threw one last snowball at Cas, hitting him in the ear then proclaiming himself the winner. Feeling somewhat sober he decided he could jump up and down in victory.

"You sure about that, Winchester?" Cas teased from behind him, then tackled him to the ground.  
  
Surprised by Castiel's strength, Dean made little effort to break free, then stared at Cas' smiling face above him.   
  
"Fine," he said, not breaking eye contact, "you win."   
  
Dean realized he was staring at him and watched Castiel’s cheeks go pink, that had nothing to do with the cold. His breath got caught in his throat and he didn’t make any effort to free himself. He found himself staring into Cas’ eyes again, loving the way they matched the sky above, and that’s when his friend made his move.

Slowly, Cas moved Dean’s hands above his head and brought their lips together. Holding still at first, waiting for Dean's reaction, and when there was no resistance, Cas slowly moved his mouth to press another small kiss to the corner of Dean's mouth. He felt a buzz that spanned from his lips to his toes. ‘ _Holy fucking shit._ ’ Dean breathed out and in trying to remain calm, Cas sat up then releasing his hands and started to apologize.  
  
"Sorr-" Cas started but Dean cut him off by kissing him back.

His stomach dropped and he let himself rest in the moment, their mouths moving together slowly, like they were learning each other. Slow and earnest they kissed. Dean curled his hands into Cas' hair and Cas moaned softly pulling Dean closer. Dean could feel Cas' breath filling his mouth with warmth as they exchanged air.   
  
"Holy shit, Cas." He murmured. It was the second time he uttered those words in an hour but now they were in a different tone. Breathless, he nudged his head into Cas' neck. Humming, he repeated Cas' name like a prayer. Cas leaned his head on Dean's then turned to kiss his short hair. They sat that way for a few moments until Dean's pocket began to vibrate. Shifting the shorter boy off his lap he pulled out his phone.   
  
"Sammy?" Dean answered, not entirely sure he didn’t slur his brother’s name.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice sounded scared.

Sobering quickly, he panicked, “What’s going on.” he demanded, he wasn’t a question.

Dean listened to his brother start to cry over the phone. His heart ached, and we wondered how he could feel so many emotions in such a short span of time. It was hard to make out everything that his brother was saying between the gasps of air and tears. Overall, John had come home and upset him. Sam wouldn’t tell him what his dad had said but Dean knew he had to be home.

"What's wrong?" Castiel questioned, trying to stay focused but leaned slightly to the left, Dean caught him and tried to smile but knew he ended up giving him a worried look and replied.   
"Dad hasn't been home in a few days. No phone calls, no mail, no contact from his friends." Dean sighed, “That’s normal...but apparently he's home and he said something to set Sammy off.”

Careful where he put his feet, making sure they didn’t slide, he grabbed Cas as well and tugged him to his feet. Dean could tell that his friend was still pretty drunk and felt guilty that he was just going to drop him off at his mom’s house and leave him.   
  
"Dean?" Cas said beside him on the walk back, "I'm sorry, if I made you feel awkward. Um. We don't have to...I mean I want us to still be...well friends" he trailed off.

"Cas," he paused, not really knowing what to say. His brain was still fuzzy and didn’t think this was really the time to discuss anything.   
  
"It's dumb I know. I wasn't thinking clearly...really not thinking clearly….you just. You're just. Amazing Dean-"   
  
Dean stopped walking and turned Cas towards him, he wanted to kiss Cas right there in the middle of the road but knew that they probably shouldn’t do anything else while intoxicated.

"Cas," Dean sighed, "We'll figure out what this is. 'Kay?" Smiling he pulled Cas into a hug, and hoped that it would be enough for now. He guiltily rang the doorbell to Cas’ house, who was somewhere between awake and asleep on Dean’s shoulder. Anna however smiled at him, and thanked him for looking out for him. He didn’t dare admit that he was the one that convinced Cas to drink but figured she probably knew anyway. As soon as he left the Novck property he focused all his attention back to his family and braced himself for whatever was coming next.


	40. Chapter 40

“Mom.” Castiel said trying to keep a straight face and not let his mother know he was completely drunk. He nodded to her curtly and went to the stairs to walk up. Within seconds he hit the wall. Coughing, to brush it off, he set again and made it three steps before grabbing onto the handle to stable himself. He could hear his mother stifling a laugh but he was determined to do it himself.

Taking twice as long he made it to the top of the steps and gave her a smug look, then turned towards his bedroom, too quickly apparently and ran into the door frame. “Fuck.” he said quietly, then corrected his movements and successfully made it to his bed without falling over anything else. Without bothering to undress he laid on his bed and hugged his pillow.

He tried to concentrate on what had happened that evening but was only getting bits and pieces. He recalled looking at Dean's eyes a lot and the mass of people; not that he could recall any of their faces but only the feeling of being pulled through them all. And Dean, he remembered a lot of Dean.  Chuckling to himself he pulled his comforter up over his head and fell asleep.

Morning came too soon and he rolled over trying to force himself back to sleep. He could hear his mom downstairs doing the dishes and winced when any of the plates clamoured together. He knew it was Sunday and that there wasn't anything he really had to do that day, but climbed out of bed anyway. He looked in distaste at his clothes he'd slept in, they smelled from being soaking wet and he groaned, then got up to go shower himself off. His head pounded with every step, once in the bathroom he turned on the water then sat in the spray, not willing to stand up. The warm water felt relaxing on his sore body. 'Never again.' He told himself thinking about all the alcohol he'd consumed. A smile came across his mouth though when he thought about Dean.

He focused on the way Dean had kissed him, how close they were and began stroking himself, already half hard. He glazed his fingers lightly over the slit at the top of his dick, imagining Dean licking it, and let out an involuntary groan. He changed his hand position and let his hand move slowly up and down, pretending it was Dean's. Caught up in the moment he let his mind wander farther; Dean sucking his dick with those full lips he couldn't forget, he gripped himself tighter and it was not his hand but Dean's mouth hollowing his cheeks. "Fuck." Cas said, his eyes closed, lost. Losing any restrain he had left he pumped his cock faster, needing release. He felt it bubble in his gut and came, imagining his cum landing all over Dean's waiting, open mouth. He shivered at his orgasm and let the, still hot, water rinse any evidence down the drain. He sat, enjoying the aftermath and only got out when he saw his fingers were wrinkled.

Drained, he begrudgingly picked himself off the floor of his bath and wrapped a towel around himself. He chose an old t shirt and debated putting on sweat pants but figured he probably shouldn't be a complete bum, he settled with an old pair of jeans, a hole forming on his left knee. Scared of his mom’s reaction he tried to act casual and walked into the kitchen like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Morning." He said in what he hoped was a cheerful voice.

Anna turned and smiled at him, she poured him a cup of coffee and handed him a few aspirin. "Morning." she greeted back with a small wink.

"Was it that bad?" He asked fearing the answer.

"I don't know," she shrugged, "was it bad?"

Castiel felt his face burn, "It wasn't all bad..." He said thinking about Dean's kiss once again.

His mom was staring at him with a strange smile, like she knew something he didn't. "Are you going to go talk to him?"

"Him?" Castiel faked innocence.

"Dean." She said simply.

"If you'll let me...." He tiptoed, he didn't know how mad she'd be that he went and got himself stupid drunk.

"Go get him." Anna waved, "Sam brought the car back. So you can take that."

"Oh my god. I forgot-"

"I know. It's fine. You're okay, the car is okay. I'm not upset."

"I love you." Cas said in almost an apology for his actions, he got up, kissed her on the forehead and quickly got in the car to go see Dean.

Hands sweating, he pulled up to the Winchester's. Panicking that he should've called first, he made his way slowly to the door and knocked gingerly. Castiel heard footsteps on the other side of the door, his breath hitched and he prayed it wasn't John answering the door. To his surprise, and relief, Sam opened the door who gave him a soft smile.

"Hey Cas." Sam greeted, "you wanna come in?"

Castiel nodded, "Are you okay? I was.." Cas coughed embarrassed, "drunk last night and didn't quite get what was going on."

Sam laughed, which Cas took as a good sign, "You got drunk? And I missed it?!" Sam shook his head and lead him to the living room where they both sat, "I...I guess I was a little over dramatic. My dad...he got angry at me. I came home late and he asked where I was...jokingly, I hinted I was on a date with a guy..."

Cas' mouth dropped, "Sam!"

"I know!" Sam held up his hands, "He asked where I was and I simply said with Jess...could be taken as a guy's name. Long story short. I yelled at him for being a homophobic asshole. Anyway, he threatened to kick me and Dean out and I...I didn't know how serious he was, so I called Dean."

Castiel watched the sadness in Sam's eyes and asked what was tugging at his mind, "And Dean?"

Sam winced, "He's okay. He's still sleeping." He sighed, "I feel horrible Cas. It's all my fault. If I just kept my mouth shut..." Tears were welling in Sam's eyes but he turned his head down until they stopped, "My dad left again if you wanna go talk to Dean."

Castiel didn't know what to do, "Are you okay?" He asked the other sincerely. Sam made some sound of agreement and Cas got up to hug his friend, "I don't think Dean will blame you...neither do I." Sam held him back and then pulled away embarrassed, shooing him away.

"Thanks Cas. But we both know you didn't come here for me." Sam smiled and excused himself.

Blushing, Cas made his way to Dean’s room, he gave a small knock on the door then opened it. Dean was laying on his bed, facing the window, away from him. Carefully he called out to his friend, and when there was no answer he walked closer and tapped Dean’s shoulder.

Dean rolled over and winced, “Heya Cas.”

Cas studied Dean’s face, it seemed fairly normal, there was still the previous bruise but it was only a faint yellow now. "How-" he started but stopped when Dean sat up.

His friend's face was a little pale and he sat up clutching his side, yet he smiled. "Hungover?"

Cas nodded and sat beside him, “This is horrible, why do you do this all the time?”

“It’s not all the time.” Dean chuckled, "It's not so bad if you don't drink so much."

"I'm sorry." Castiel spoke barely above a whisper.

"For what?" Dean asked, sitting up properly now. "This isn't so bad I'll be healed up before tomorrow."

"For that...and I remember kissing you." Cas felt stupid, "Here I told you I wasn't going to do anything and then..."

Dean laughed, "Cas, if I didn't want to I would've kick you right in the balls." Cas looked at him doubtfully, but Dean reached a hand over and took his. "Are...are we going to try to work this out this time?"

Castiel looked at his friend and thought about every consequence that would follow; both from their classmates as well as John. He felt panic build and knot in his stomach, "I want to." He answered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Dean pulled him into a hug, "You gotta stop saying that."

Enjoying the arms around him, Cas breathed in the scent of faded alcohol and something that Cas assumed was simply Dean. "I'm sorry. I'll try to stop." He felt Dean's chest rose and fell quickly in a laugh, making him smile. 'I have to keep his smile. I'm not going to screw up again.'

There was a small knock on Dean's door and he pulled back, abashed and not wanting to be found showing such affection. Sam wandered in and sat in a chair across the room from Dean's bed. Unlike himself, Dean acted like nothing was different at all. The brothers fell into a regular sibling conversation and Cas found he hadn't caught a word of it when both turned to him expectantly.

"I'm sorry, what?" He asked.

"Pizza or Chinese?" Sam asked back, "Dean is being impossible."

The thought of pizza made his stomach turn, "Chinese I guess. Or at least...maybe just soup."

"You're gonna need greasy food. It works."

"Dean. Some of us want to live past forty. I'll get you some water Cas." Sam promised and left the room promptly.

An awkward silence hung in the air, "You really aren't mad?"

"I was." Dean shrugged, "pissed, but...I dunno. I gotta pick my battles...besides," Dean paused and leaned closer to kiss him lightly, "I like kissing you."

Cas could barely breathe, subconsciously he returned the kiss, just as soft. Dean was chuckling and Cas felt his face blush for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, he thought maybe he'd never stop blushing around him. Curious, he kissed Dean properly, as always, his stomach was full of butterflies and his brain turned to mush. He pulled Dean forward, gripping onto, what he was sure was the same shirt Dean had worn the night before. Dean moaned, which made his head spin and want him more. Dean's hands ran through his hair, making it more of a mess than usual.

"Fuck," Dean moaned, pulling away just far enough that their mouths were apart. Cas took this moment to begin kissing the other's jaw, nose, neck, and anywhere he could find freckles.

And that's where Sam found them, "Um." He said from the doorway holding two glasses of water and a pack of alkaseltzer under his arm. This time Dean blushed and Cas hid his face behind Dean's, burying his head into his shoulder.

"Sammy." Dean said in a fake casual voice.

"Not that I'm not super happy you guys worked crap out...but uh. I brought you guys some stuff...I'll just." Sam set the items down and backed up, running into the desk, "I'll just go."

Once gone, Dean looked at him, "You really okay with this?"

"I should be asking you." Cas retorted, "but yes. If you'll have me."

Dean hummed in agreement kissing him again, "Part of me really wants to go make Sammy uncomfortable."

"Only part?" Cas snorted.

"Yeah. Well the other just wants to sit here with you all day."

"Stop." Cas said trying not to blush. "Can you stand or should we make Sammy bring food to us."

"Mmm," Dean hummed, then pulled him down to lay beside him. "Let's just stay here."

Cas shifted to a comfortable position, the held Dean's hand, staring up at the ceiling. "Dean?" He asked after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"Why is there an Indiana Jones poster on your ceiling?"

"Cuz he's a badass!" Dean defended.

"That's so gay." Castiel laughed.

"Psh, who's on your ceiling?"

Castiel looked at him, "Well. Not on my ceiling...but that guy from Game of Thrones."

"Jorah? Jon Snow? Come on fess up. Is it a Stark?"

"No...that guy who joins Daenerys." Cas felt small, "Daario."

"Ooooh. The guy they switched for no reason?"

"Oh there was a reason." He snorted, "The new one is sexy." Dean was laughing at him, then clutched his side, cutting off his laughter. Cas studied him and rubbed his thumb over their joined hands. "Would you like me to look at it?"

"Do you know anything about first aid?" Dean looked doubtfully at him.

"Only that you need to make sure nothing is broken and ice it. Oh! And sleep on your back."

"Okay Wikipedia." Dean scoffed, but lifted his shirt as much as he could without hurting himself too much.

Dark patches ran from his armpit to his waist, though none looked out of place, Cas couldn't help but trace each rib. Dean's sides were slightly puffed and purple but nothing seemed out of place, at least skeletal wise.

"I'll go get you some ice." Castiel motioned and got up before Dean could desist him from his efforts. He heard some sort of disagreement for him but headed downstairs knowing that he wouldn't be able to follow, at least, not quickly.

He couldn't admit to Dean that he was having a panic attack. He had felt his throat start to close and his breath going uneven, his mind starting thinking of every possible thing that could, and probably would, go wrong if they stayed together. Without realizing it he was standing in front of Sam in the kitchen, somehow missing the question he'd asked.

"Cas?" Sam asked waving a hand in front of his face.

"Sorry...um do you have a bag of ice? Or some frozen veggies that I could give to Dean?" He finally managed. Sam shrugged and went to the freezer to check. Within moments, Sam tossed him a bag of frozen carrots. "Thanks."

"No problem. Dean hates carrots, we're never going to eat them." Sam shrugged.

Cas nodded and smiled softly then went back upstairs, slowly, this time. He pushed Dean's door open and found him throwing a pillow up in the air. A smile pulled on his lips and thought of when Dean had tried that while intoxicated, without thinking he let out a laugh, causing Dean to look up quickly, and the pillow fell on his face.

"Jesus," Dean grumbled, lifting the pillow then clutching it to his chest, "Carrots? Bleh."

"Sam said you'd say that." Cas mused and sat on the edge of the bed. "Here." He placed the cold bag over where he remembered the swelling to be the worst. Dean winced slightly but held it there.

"This is going to be a really boring day if I just lay here and you watch." Dean sighed, "You sure you wanna just sit here?"

Cas shrugged, "If I wasn't with you I'd be thinking about you but if you'd like me to leave, I will."

Dean's face flushed and he stuttered, "I mean I don't mind if you do..." he trailed off turning his head away, no doubt trying to hide his face.

Resuming his spot next to Dean, they fell into conversation about everything and anything that came across their minds. Every once and awhile, Sam popped his head in, took the room temperature veggies, and headed back downstairs only to bring up a different bag. It embarrassed Dean because more often than not they were kissing and Sam had to cough to announce himself, Cas however found it endearing and nudged Dean whenever he grumbled about it. It wasn't until Dean threw the next bag at Sam before he entered the room that his brother stopped bringing them back up.

Dean leaned into his good side and looked at him properly, "Can we just make out now?"

"God, you're so pushy." Cas joked and pulled Dean closer, happy to have him alone, and to himself.

It was easy forget all the problems about their relationship while they were kissing. all the thoughts of doubt, of fear, and unease were washed over by feelings of hope, happiness, and a fair share of giggling. Cas couldn’t help but hold onto Dean, his fingers traced everywhere his hands could reach, he wanted to memorize how the other felt next to him. Not sure if this was some crazy dream he was going to wake up from. Dean apparently loved playing with his hair and more often than not, his hands were there. He could feel himself getting hard and shifted his hips back, not wanting to push this anywhere too quickly. Dean’s hot breath ran on his neck and he wanted nothing more than to escalate this to something deeper, he recalled his time in the shower that morning and rolled away from Dean, smiling.

“I think...I think we should stop...at least for a little bit.”

Dean pouted, “Lame.” he said but leaned back and let just one hand play with the hair in front of Cas’ eyes, curing his finger around it, over and over, like maybe it would stay that way with some effort. “I think we should go sit with Sammy, otherwise he’s gonna think we’re spending the entire day having sex.”

“As much as I’d love to,” Cas laughed, “I don’t think we’re there yet.”

Dean laughed and nodded, “Not yet...you wanna stick around still or are you gonna jet?”

“I’ll stay..” Cas started, “unless you’re dad comes back...I don’t. I don’t want to even kind of suggest something to make him angry.”

“You say that, but you also gave me a few hickeys...so…” Dean reminded him, kissing him softly after to show he wasn’t upset.

“Dammit.” Cas cursed but smiled, “I bet it was all the work of that Cassie chick you’ve been seeing.”

“Oh. Her?” Dean smirked, “She’s pretty sexy, her dark hair and blue eyes. So blue, you could drown in them.”

“She sounds hot.” Cas laughed, caressing the other’s face.

Dean shrugged, “She’s alright, but damn, imagine her as a dude.”

Cas chuckled and pushed Dean away, “That’s it. Where’s Sam, I need to talk to him about this chick.”

“Good luck. He doesn’t even know how much I think about her.”

Sitting up, with a soft smile, Castiel nudged Dean softly, “Come on.”

Dean seemed to be at least walking without much difficulty, which Cas was grateful for. They found Sam sitting in the living room watching a documentary on Volcanoes, to which Dean called him a nerd, and his brother returned the comment with a pillow tossed at his head. Not fast enough to duck out of the way it hit him square in the face, making both Cas and Sam laugh.

“Very funny, pick on the cripple.”

“Cripple or not, I pick on jerks. Jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean retorted, and walked into the kitchen.

Cas followed him still laughing, Dean pulled down a bag popcorn, “A movie?” Castiel asked, to which Dean nodded and asked him to go find out what Sam wanted to watch. Immediately he walked back out into the room he’d come from and sat near Sam, “Dean wants you to pick a movie.”

“Me?” Sam asked astounded, “That’s weird...hmmm. This is a once a month occurrence, what should we subject him to?”

"Disney?" Cas suggested.

Sam shook his head, "No. They're his favorites"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, you should see him in Fox and the Hound. He just loses it."

"I lose it at what?" Dean asked walking back into the room.

"You cry in Fox and the Hound."

"Yeah! The fox is like his best friend. Geez." Dean said making his point then sitting next to Cas, "Heartless."

"Fine," Sam said rolling his eyes, "World War Z it is."

"The fucking zombie movie?" Dean sighed. "Cas you don't wanna watch that right?"

Cas smiled, "Actually I've never seen it."

"Fuck me sideways. Fine, turn it on Sammy."

Within minutes Cas knew why Dean didn't want to watch the movie. Every time something popped out Dean jumped and nearly dumped all of his popcorn. The fifth time time this happened, Cas took the bowl from him thinking this would help, but it only let Dean grab his arm and hide behind him when something gruesome happened. Unlike his brother, Sam sat transfixed and only his eyes widened when something happened, making Dean upset that 'Sammy had life so easy.'

When the end credits rolled Dean sighed, "Finally."

"So...Disney movies over scary movies." Cas teased.

"It's just zombies! I can do ghosts, and werewolves, mummies, demons. Somethin about zombies is just wrong."

Sam laughed and offered to take care of the popcorn bowl as compensation for scaring him, Dean took up the offer graciously, then snuggled his head into Cas' shoulder.

"Did you want to watch a Disney movie?" Castiel asked, half joking.

"No." Dean answered, "You've seen me cry enough lately.

"You cry in Disney movies?"

"You can't tell me you didn't get teary in Brother Bear?"

"No."

"Oh come on! Here Koda is all happy then he finds out the dude he's with killed his mom? It's heartbreaking."

Cas laughed but shook his head, "I don't cry much."

"I don't buy it. I've seen you cry."

"Shut up. Just ask Charlie how many times she's seen me cry.

"Fine," Dean held up a hand in submission, "I'll believe you this time. But I swear if we ever watch Fox and the Hound and you don't cry, I will punch until you do cry."

“Sounds a bit  excessive.” Cas noted but smiled.

To Sam’s dismay they were kissing again when he came back into the room. Castiel wasn’t sure when he started kissing Dean or even who started it. It seemed one fluid motion of them cuddling on the couch into making out without missing a beat. Just as it felt like Cas was beginning to memorize Dean’s mouth, Sam always interrupted with a sigh and broke them apart.

“I don’t know which was worse.” Sam said tiredly, “The awkward sexual tension or finding you two can’t keep your hands off each other.”

Dean was straightening a portion of Cas’ hair, or messing it up, he wasn’t sure anymore, “Sam.” he said in an authoritative older brother kind of voice, “One day, when you’re my age-”

“Dean you’re only four years older-”

“ _ONE_ day,” Dean continued talking over his brother, “you’ll find someone you really just like kissing.”

“I have a girlfriend.” Sam said rolling his eyes.

“Shhhh.” He told Sam holding up a finger, “You’re ruining the mood.”

“Dean.” Sam said, with one word it was enough somehow let him know he was being ridiculous.

“I for one,” Cas said, grinning, “Do indeed like kissing your brother.”

“Of course you do.” Sam said, like this was obvious, “I’ll just go do my homework I guess. Keep your clothes on guys.”

“No promises!” Dean yelled to his brother, who had run up the stairs.

As soon as Sam was out of view, Cas rejoined their lips, loving how tender Dean kissed, like every one was the first. Drunk on the moment, Cas leaned forward, forcing Dean to lay below him, then took advantage of this position by holding Dean’s exploring hands and having his choice of where he wanted to kiss Dean next. He couldn’t help but try to kiss every freckle he could see, as well as the little space behind Dean’s ear that somehow made the boy moan every time. Without thinking Cas rocked his hips closer to Dean, craving friction, the other echoed his movements and met him. Releasing Dean’s hands,  he cupped Dean’s face in his own hands, while Dean curled his legs up over his hips, bring them closer.

“Damn.” Dean said breathless, when Cas returned to kissing his neck.

“Shhh.” Cas laughed, and began marking the other in the spot near his ear that drove him crazy.

“Fuck.” Dean moaned, then scrunched closer, wanting the friction, “Cas. Fuck. Cas, I-god.”

Satisfied with his work, Cas sat back and let Dean sit back up, he couldn’t but smile and knew that his face looked smug. Dean gave him one last soft kiss, before getting up, “As much as I’d love for you to sit here and drive me crazy all night, I think that Sammy would be upset.”

“Fair enough,” Cas laughed, “I think you sufficient ruined my hair.”

“Fixed.” Dean corrected, “It looks much better now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno how a lot of you are gonna like this chapter...but eh. Just know that the drama isn't over..I glazed over some stuff but it'll all work out. 
> 
> As my boy says, "Don't panic."


	41. Chapter 41

Monday morning Dean scratched his head and sat up slowly. Mostly because any quick movements were still slightly painful, but also because his mind was still catching up on the last few days. He still didn't know what to call Cas. To his dismay they were still in the weird phase of dating but not "dating".

There was a pound on his door and a speech from Sam about getting up and ready for school. Mocking his brother's still changing voice he got out of bed and slumped his way into the bathroom to shower. The weekend had been comfortable and nice with Cas. It made him wonder why he'd never dated one of his friends before, it was so easy to go from regular conversation to making out in minutes, and Dean adored that.

The only problem, well problems, were his homophobic asshole of a father, and a nagging feeling in his gut that Cas may run off again if anything went awry between them. He stared at himself in the mirror and saw the worry on his face, shaking his head he forced it away not wanting to worry Sam.

Once dressed, he made his way downstairs to find Sam sitting watching some reality tv show. Quietly, he grabbed a couch pillow and hurled it at his unsuspecting brother's face.

"Dean!" Sam shouted and tried to throw one back at him but Dean ducked.

"C'mon loser! We're gonna be late!" To convince Sam further that it was just another day he blasted his music all the way up and sang to every word, even though to him, they sounded hollow. His brother didn't seem to notice to which he was grateful.

Walking up the steps he ran into Charlie. She stood tapping one foot and staring him down like she was going to ground him. Sighing he walked up to her, "Am I in trouble?" He asked like a kid dressing up for breaking a bowl.

"I can't believe you got Cassie drunk!"

"Char-"

"I'm not done." She pointed a finger at him, "I'll accept that you guys are a thing but so help me Dean Winchester if you hurt him I will slap you so hard that Sam will have to carry you home."

"Damn. Charlie! All I did was kiss him!"

"Yeah! And get him drunk and get his hopes up again!"

"Well fuck! That's good right?! Also why are you only yelling at me?"

"Uh-" Sam said quietly by them, "I'm...i'm gonna go to class..."

Dean stared at his brother, he'd completely forgotten he was there, "Right. Cool. See you at lunch." once gone, Dean turned back to Charlie the question he'd asked still on his face.

"I already yelled at Cas too. He got the same speech with a few alterations."

"Like?" Dean asked with a huff.

"Like he shouldn't give up on your sorry ass! And that not everyone is going to be like Balthazar. You know he's still hurt, right?"

"Charlie. We practically made out all weekend. I think he's good."

"Yeah? And what do you think he did when he went home?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

"See?" Charlie puffed, "This is why I told him to give you time."

"The fuck do I need time for? You are so damn confusing. I'm gonna be late for class. Can I go?"

"I'm not your mother." Charlie shrugged.

"You sure act like it..." Dean mumbled under his breath and pushed through groups of people to get to his class.

He blatantly ignored a few people calling out to him but knew he could brush it off by saying the hallway was too loud to hear him. He threw his backpack on his desk and stared at the whiteboard, waiting for the bell to ring and the day to start so that it could get closer to ending and he could crawl back into bed.

"Dean?" His teacher called on him later in class. "I understand it's hard to pay attention during the movies but you could at least pretend to stay awake."

"What?" He said surprised, "just...just a long weekend..."

His teacher nodded and turned to answer another student who had raised their hand. Truth be told, he had only watched the first little bit of the movie but zoned out when they started talking about cells and probability. He made a mental note to ask Castiel all the details, if anyone knew about biology it would be Cas.

Restraining himself from actually singing when the bell rang, Dean was the first out of the room; this was easily done because he'd only gotten out a pen and a piece of paper for notes, which ended up being a mess of doodles. He scooted himself between the crowds of people once again and found Cas squeezing by a group of giggling girls, of course, Cas was oblivious to their presence and Dean couldn't help but smile.

"Heya Cas." He greeted once close enough and stood in front of the other boy, lacing their fingers together. Castiel's face tinted pink but he didn't make any movements to pull away.

"You're okay with this?"

"Stop asking that." Dean whined and leaned his forehead against the others.

"Sorry." Cas huffed a laugh and nuzzled their heads. There was a sharp shove on his shoulder and Dean fell forward, catching himself before all his weight fell on Cas.

"The hell?!" He threatened to who ever had the nerve. His eyes found Dick Roman laughing and giving a high five to one of his goons. Dean started towards them, ready to nail Roman to the floor when Cas held his arm.

"It's not worth it."

"Cas!" Dean said through gritted teeth, "He-"

Cas' gaze stopped him with something near pity in his eyes then leaned forward to kiss him softly. "It isn't worth it."

Dean relaxed, and let himself be led elsewhere, though he still glared at those behind him. He was dragged into the library before Cas stopped and finally let go of him arm. "I swear. I'm gonna rip his lungs out."

"That's stupid and physically impossible."

"Yeah, yeah..." Dean grumbled, "What was that about being okay with this back in the hallway? I thought we got over this. I like you."

Castiel smiled, more to himself than to Dean, "I know." He acknowledged, "It's just past fears creeping through."

"Yeah, well if it's that fucking Balthazar, then fuck that thought." Dean said, sneering at the memory of the one who had broken Cas. "You deserve to be shown off and strutted about."

Cas gave him a doubtful smile so he continued, "You're gorgeous."

The blush Dean loved filled Cas' face and he turned away with a smile, "Let's just get to class." Cas said in an annoyed voice but held onto his hand to make sure he knew he wasn't upset.

Dean feigned a pout and asked, "Can't I come to Painting with you? I only have Weights..."

"Only if you okay it with your teacher first." Cas mused.

"Deal!" Dean said and darted down the other end of the hallway, "See you in ten minutes!!" He called behind him.

He faintly heard Cas calling to him but he ignored him and kept a fast pace. As according to plan he was slightly sweaty when he reached his classroom. He walked in slowly like it was causing him agony just to stay upright and explained to his teacher that he needed to stay in the nurse's office. His teacher eyed him doubtfully but let him leave anyway.

He walked out just as slowly then once he was out of earshot he took off down the hall to the art room. When he reached the door, he only poked his head in slightly, just to make sure Cas was in there already then walked in like he was any other art student. He picked up some supplies; an easel, paint, paper, then sat down next to Cas like it was an everyday occurrence. Cas, who had been talking to Charlie, nearly screamed when he saw who was beside him.

"Dean!" He squealed in a much higher voice than his regular tone.

"That is my name." Dean smiled and winked at Charlie, "What we paintin?"

"Jesus." Charlie rolled her eyes, "Why don't you paint a butterfly?"

Dean faintly heard her but he got lost staring at Cas. The color in his face was just starting to return, so he gave him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth to see if he could bring back the slight red in his cheeks. As he thought, Cas colored then stuck his tongue out at Dean.

"Dean, I have actual work I need to do."

"Lame." He booed but began painting a purple butterfly for Charlie. He could feel Cas' gaze on him but he kept his head held high like he was painting for a queen. His determination to keep his face straight soon faded when he looked at his finished work. It looked like a three year old had constructed it and he snorted a laugh, making students around him stare.

Cas leaned his head over onto his shoulder and laughed. "Beautiful." He whispered and went back to his own project. Curious, Dean shifted to look at his boyfriend's work. Cas seemed to be painting a battlefield of some sort but everything was blurred but a single figure in the middle of a chaos, a sword swung over his shoulder and looking into the distance.

"Well fuck." Dean said under his breath.

"Well fuck," Charlie piped in, "Is a great description."

"I don't know what you too are looking at." Castiel said quietly, "There isn't any fucking in this picture."

Dean laughed and laced his hands with Cas', once again drawing attention to himself then stopped when he noticed a few glares from other students and raised an eyebrow, "You got a problem?" He asked one in particular who looked as if she had garbage under her nose.

"It's just gross."

"Fuck? Well sweetie that's something that even animals do so I'd get over that."

"Very funny." She sniffed, "I meant the sin of you two."

"Sin?" Dean barked a forced laugh."

"Dean." Cas cautioned, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just ignore-"

"I ASKED if you had a problem." Dean growled.

"DEAN." Castiel's voice shook, "Hallway. Come on."

Before he knew it he was pulled into the empty hallway. For some reason he felt like a child being scolded. "What the hell?" He grumbled.

"Listen." Cas said sharply. "I've been putting up with people like this for years. Nothing good comes from rising to their taunts or threatening comments."

"But-"

"I wasn't done." Cas interrupted. "I don't care what they say to you. NOTHING, is worth giving into their stupidity."

"If you let people walk on you they always will."

"This isn't like someone wanting shove you in a locker." Cas sighed, "For now? For today? Will you just trust me?"

Dean thought a moment then decided it wasn't worth a dumb fight, he stepped closer to Cas and kissed him lightly. "Yeah. Okay."


	42. Chapter 42

Happy that Dean finally calmed down, Cas held the other's hand lightly in his own. Dean was staring at the floor rather than him.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah..." Dean said but it sounded like a lie.

"Wanna go to lunch?" Cas offered.

"Burgers?" Dean asked.

Cas nodded and let Dean drive them a few blocks to a small restaurant that Cas had never been in. He let the conversation roll wherever Dean felt like but felt his mind wander to past events.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_Castiel was knocked off balance by a group of boys a grade older than him, sighing, he bent down to pick up his scattered belongings._

_A girl from his art class bent next to him and helped grab a few papers that had somehow found their way across the hall and stepped on by other students. He swallowed unsure of how to thank her._

_It was the first week of school, and in a public school, and Castiel felt uneasy already and dismayed that there were still bullies. He'd hoped they would've been left behind as they all got older._

_"Here ya go." She smiled at him._

_"Thanks." He whispered, not sure if this was another prank and she would throw them in his face. Gingerly he took them from her._

_"Charlie." She said standing up and holding out a hand._

_Wide eyed, he shook hers, "Castiel." He returned and hoped he gave her some sort of smile._

_"Crazy name." She laughed, "You're in my third hour. Dude, your drawing of the ocean." She paused for dramatic effect, "Mind blowing."_

_"Thanks." He said again, "I liked yours of the rose garden."_

_"Thanks," the girl shrugged, "I think it was a bit cliche but I didn't have any other ideas."_

_At this point he found himself zoning out to what the newcomer was saying and was more surprised she was still talking to him. A little spark lit in his mind but he didn't let it grow, but maybe, just maybe he was making a new friend._

_Castiel was wondered how he could ask her about sitting together when he realized she was staring at him, awaiting an answer. "I'm sorry." He apologized truthfully, "I kind of zoned out for a minute. What did you ask?"_

_Charlie smiled at him, "No worries. I just wondered what you did to invoke those guys to do that."_

_"Oh." Castiel felt his face rush red, "I uh. Nothing. I mean. They're just giving me a hard time because..." He trailed off, he didn't know if he could really trust this person. "They're upset that I'm gay." He found himself saying, surprised it even left his mouth._

_"Assholes." She seethed, then looked at him thoughtfully, "Lookie here, Cassie, can I call you Cassie? Me and you. We're gonna stick together. B-T-W, I'm totes a lesbo so we are going to be besties."_

_"What?" Castiel asked, confused at the last few minutes of his life, wondering if he was dreaming._

_"Come on!" She sang, and pulled his hand, leading him to the art room, "We've gotta find two seats by each other before they all fill up!"_

_Feeling out of place and awkward, he did sit next to his new friend, and self consciously looked around to see who all was staring. No doubt some would pry into why the 'loser' got a new friend._

_Charlie didn't seem to notice. She was talking away like they'd been friends for five years rather than five minutes. "Cassie?" She asked leaning forward to catch his gaze._

_There was a pull on his heart, but he shoved it down, "Yeah?" He asked, trying every method he knew to forget the boy that had broken him, that had called him the same name, the one he missed but had left him, dropping him flat._

_"You wanna get a cup of coffee with me after school?"_

_“Uh...Yes, course. Of course.” He stammered, smiling, "Sorry."_

_"For what?" Charlie asked without looking at him._

_"I don't...I'm awkward." He shrugged, even though he knew she wasn't watching._

_"Preachin to the choir." Charlie mused, then put down her pencil and looked at him. "Cassie. Deal breaker. Do you. Watch Star Trek?"_

_"Yes?" Castiel said carefully._

_"Oh thank god." She smiled, "Me and my ma are watching the fourth movie tomorrow and you're welcome to come."_

_This was more than he could handle in one day, he felt his chest close in emotion but spoke in what he hoped was a level voice. "I'd love to."_

_"Schveeeet." Charlie gave him a thumbs up and went back to her work. The rest of the hour went by without consequence and Castiel found himself being dragged along everywhere Charlie went like a duckling._

_Every now and then a student would knock him off balance but whenever this happened Charlie began yelling at the person and threatening them with bodily harm. Castiel tried to convince her it wasn't necessary but she did anyway, every time. Eventually, it made him laugh, the faces of the poor souls to whom Charlie had sentenced revenge upon._

_Before he knew it, the final bell had rung. Together the two waited on the front steps for Charlie's mom, and Castiel sent a text to him mom saying he was hanging out with a friend. Smiling at the good news he had shared with his mother he didn't realize someone was trying to step by him. He turned to put his phone away, and his arm caught the leg of the one climbing past him._

_"Jesus!!" The voice cried, then steadied the two of them by gripping onto his shoulder, sending them down on the steps. Rubbing his head he sat up and looked at the other boy who had slid off him and was rubbing an elbow._

_Dean stood before him as he felt his mouth instantly dry. He couldn't believe it. His friend was taller than he remembered but he smiled. Dean winced at his elbow then looked at him, Castiel felt his breath leave looking into Dean's eyes again. He'd almost forgotten how green they were. Freckles now covered most of the older's arms and the bridge of his nose._

_Castiel was nearly beaming now, he was going to have two friends. '_ Suck on that, Balthazar. _' He sneered in his mind. He opened his mouth to speak but Dean beat him to it._

_"Look, I'm sorry I knocked you over. See you round kid." Dean said quickly then hopped off to his destination before the collision leaving Castiel momentarily confused about what had just happened._

_Charlie was already yelling and Dean calling him by his last name and shaking a fist but she was smiling. "I wouldn't worry about that one," she laughed, "he causes quite a bit of trouble but he's good at heart."_

_"You know him?" Castiel inquired softly._

_"Yeah," she shrugged, "All jock on the outside but nothin but teddy bear nerd on the inside."_

_He wanted to ask how long she'd known Dean but her mom arrived and he felt the question die on his tongue. For the thousandth time that day Charlie dragged him along; it took everything he had to push Dean out of his mind, but he knew Charlie deserved his undivided attention and made it happen. The only thing that remained relevant to Dean Winchester was the odd gut ache he had from the realization that Dean didn't recognize him._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

"Cas?"

Blinking, Castiel realized he was already sitting down and apparently their waitress wasn't pleased he had been zoning out.

"Oh. Um. Just get me whatever he's having." He smiled apologetically, first and her then at Dean. "I'm sorry." He said after she walked away. "I'm just lost in my own head I guess."

"It's fine." Dean shrugged, "It's cute when you come back though, your head tilts like the universe has somehow changed."

Castiel blushed. "I don't have a response for that."

Dean laughed, "By the way, you're eating a cheeseburger with extra bacon."

"Sounds great." He smiled.

"Where do you go?"

"Hmm?"

"When you go all space cadet. The moon? A park? Your face just goes like blank."

"Oh my god. I'm sorry. I don't even know." Cas shrugged, embarrassed that Dean had already caught onto his weird habits. "Usually. Just somewhere I feel at peace...or a memory."

Dean nodded, then smiled at the waitress who had brought them their meal. She winked at Dean, who smiled but didn't make any indication he was interested, for which Cas was grateful.

Dean didn't seem to notice that the girl left with a small frown but had turned his attention back to Cas, asking about plans for the rest of the evening. They decided that after Dean's shift they would meet at The Roadhouse.

By the end of lunch, Cas was leaving with a much happier Dean and laced their fingers together, leaving the poor girl from earlier with a stunned look on her face. Castiel knew that Dean was more attractive, and was silently pleaded whenever something like this event occurred. Oddly enough, Dean didn't seem to notice all the extra attention and only ever eyed him, at least, from what Cas could tell. He couldn't help but stare at Dean the whole way back, and looked away quickly when the other noticed.

"Do I have to go to class." Dean pouted, with a puppy dog look that rivaled Sam's.

"Yes." Castiel laughed. "You'll see me later tonight. You know that."

"I know," Dean's lip extended further. "but I wanna make out with you now."

Giggling, Cas leaned and gave Dean a soft kiss, more to tease him than anything else.

"I have to get to class, Dean."

"Fine," Dean sighed, "leave your boyfriend sad."

"Boy-" Cas choked a little, they hadn't really talked about if they were to that point, "friend."

"Well, God." Dean scoffed, "I hope so...I mean...I think of you that way..."

Castiel's gut swelled and he kissed Dean more firmly, holding his face in his hands. "I'd like to call you that...if you'll have me."

"Oh. I want you." Dean smiled crookedly.

Resisting the urge to push Dean into a nearby janitor's closet he let go of Dean's hand and lifted his books to his chest. "I'll see you in a little bit." He could tell he was blushing but didn't care. Dean wanted him, and in this moment he felt like he could fly.

"Seeya." Dean blushed as well then turned quickly, waving a hand over his head, per usual.

Aware he was smiling like a child, he walked into his next class with his head down, determined not to look any of his classmates, he took a seat in the back and didn't even look up when his name was called for roll or half the lesson. He couldn't shake the elation that filled him from head to toe. Dean called him his boyfriend.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive uh. Been a bit depressed. Sorry for the long time between chapters.

The clock ticking was the only sound in Dean's ears. The end of class was a mere ten minute _s_ but he was losing his patience _. 'This whole staying for every class thing is horrible.'_ he complained to himself. Someone tapped his shoulder and shook him out of his thoughts.

"Dean. Right?"

Dean turned to look, Adam was sitting behind him. "Yeah. Adam?"

"Yeah, hey. Have you heard from Kevin?"

"Nah, uh. Has he not...I mean...are you two..?" Dean realized he started two different questions but he hoped the other boy would get it. To his surprise, something near embarrassment filled Adam's face.

"I mean. Yeah. Kinda. He told you?"

"Just that you asked him. Nothin to be ashamed of."

Adam nodded, "I know. I just...he's so smart. Then there's me. I dunno. I called him but he hasn't been answering and he's not here today."

"I'm sorry." Dean said truthfully. "Want me to let ya know if I see him?"

"Please?" Adam asked, lowering his voice when he noticed that the teacher was watching them. "I think I did somethin...stupid."

"That's rough buddy." Dean sympathized. "What's your number, I can text you."

Adam scribbled some numbers on a page and handed it to him, a relieved smile on his face.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Dean shrugged, "we've all been there."

When the bell did ring, Dean ignored the disapproving look on his teacher's face. He was well used to doing this and strolled out of the room.

A slim temptation crawled into his mind, _'I could go see Cas before class. He'll just be sittin in the library.'_ Before he could act on this he was pulled to the side of the hallway.

"Dean!" Jo was tugging on his sleeve.

"Jesus, what are you doing?"

"So. You and art boy." Dean felt heat rise on the back of his neck but pushed through it.

"Yeah. Guess so."

"Meg is gonna be disappointed, she was gonna ask him to Winter Formal."

"Oh come on, she really hasn't gotten that he's totally into guys?"

Jo shrugged, "If you can switch sides I guess anyone can."

"I didn't switch. God."

"I know." She defended, "I was quoting her."

Dean rolled his eyes, "Was there a point to this conversation?" He asked testily, not that he was upset with Jo but more annoyed at Meg.

"Settle down cowboy." She laughed, "I was gonna see if you were gonna ask him."

"Ask what?"

"Art boy to the dance, dummy."

"Oh. I hadn't thought about it." He answered truthfully.

Jo eyed him carefully, then said. "If you come, you can double with me..."

"Jo! Who asked you? Do I know them? Am I gonna have to threaten them. Are you going out with this person? It better not be some douchebag. I swear Jo-"

"Dean! Shut up!" She punched his arm, but there was a faint pink in her cheeks. "Vic asked me."

"He _did_?!" he exclaimed, "Where the fuck have I been? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You've been off with art boy!" Jo said forcefully but laughed, "God. Will you please stop yelling. All these chicks around us think we're having some sort of lover's quarrel."

Dean looked around, there were quite a few people looking at him. Sighing, he addressed the crowd, "I have a boyfriend!" Many looked away, pretending they weren't listening. "Vultures." He mumbled under his breath. "I gotta get to class. Imma call you later though."

"Okay, _mom_." Jo waved as hestarted to walk away, "but you didn't answer my question! You better have an answer tonight!"

"Okay, _mom_!" Dean called over his shoulder and walked into class laughing.

His teacher raised an eyebrow, apparently he was the last one into class. He whispered a quiet sorry and took his seat. Dean tried to control his face into something closer to a blank expression and pay attention but Jo had planted a seed in his mind.

' _I could ask Cas to the dance...'_ he thought, then imagined the shorter boy in a tux and smiled more. Catching himself he forced his attention and focused, he looked up to see what Ms. Koonz was talking about but found the rest of his classmates were working on their own. ‘ _Damn, did we have an assignment?_ ’

“Dean?” His teacher called a moment later, motioning him forward to her desk.

Inching his way there he stood in front of her, scared senseless of what she was going to say. He tried to think of any excuse he could come up with that would maybe ease whatever punishment was coming his way. Surprisingly, she smiled. “Dean. I was wondering if you’d like to do your research paper with Castiel. Your tutor?” She asked him as if to clarify.

“I know him.” He said, ‘ _I’m dating him_ ,’ he thought.

“I just figured your last one you did went so well that maybe you could use the instruction and time away from the silence of the class. I think you work better when there is communication.”

“Thanks…” he said, he was pretty sure he was being complimented but wasn’t exactly sure how.

She looked back down at her papers she was grading, “I’ve already spoken with Castiel and he said it wouldn’t be a problem at all. If you’d like, you may go to the library to study and get some ideas going.”

“Sure.” He said quickly, “Yeah. Um. I’ll just get my stuff.” He looked at her for a moment, “Thanks. I mean. For lookin out for me...I know...I know I’m not the best student.”

“You try.” She said plainly, “That’s all I’m looking for in my students.”

Dean didn’t know how to respond to that, instead he changed the subject, “So...I’ll just go...”

Careful not to hurry too much he gathered his things back up and let his smile return as soon as he left the room. Now he had an excuse to hang out with his boyfriend and there was no need in lying to his dad if the topic came up.

When he’d reached the library door for some reason he felt like he needed to knock, pushing this aside he walked in slowly, peeking up the ramp to see if Cas was in sight.

Unfortunately, only the head librarian was at the desk and she seemed deep into her book. Not wanting to bother her he poked his head down a few isles but Cas wasn’t anywhere to be found.

Sighing, he walked up to her. “Is Castiel here?” He asked.

The older lady looked up sharply and eyed him up and down, “No. He went to make me copies and he should be back in a few minutes. Take a seat.”

“Alright.” He said attempting to keep his eyes from rolling. ‘ _No need to get all touchy,_ ’ he thought and sat at in a table in the middle of the room, that way, if Cas did walk in, he’d be right in view. He wondered if he should play it off like he didn’t know him at all but knew he’d end up smiling like a dork as soon as the other entered the room.

He set down his things and scratched his head. He’d just realized that his teacher never told him the subject of their assignment and hoped that Cas had received the assignment. He shook his head at how much he counted on Cas to know everything.

“Dean?” Cas asked from behind him.

“Castiel?” He asked back, doing his best to act like they were strangers.

Cas smiled at him and shoved him a little with his shoulder, then walked past, “Let’s go this way. I promised the librarian I wouldn’t make out with anyone else in here...and that might be hard to keep if you’re here.”

Laughing, Dean followed and looked over his shoulder to make sure the pointed looking lady wasn’t watching the two of them. He slip his hand into Cas' and let himself be led to a corner table far from view from anyone, Dean was sure he wouldn't have ever noticed it if he hadn't been shown.

"Nice pla-" he started but Cas had turned around and kissed him, unable it seemed to keep his promise. Dean grinned against Cas' mouth and kissed him in return. Feeling at ease and peace, Dean laced their hands together and let them hang between them.

"Alright." Cas chuckled, stepping back. "We actually do have work to do, so sit."

"All work and no play with you." Dean joked but sat anyway, "I hope you know what the assignment is...I may have been zoning out when she told us." He admitted.

"Fortunately. I do." Cas smiled, "It's a simple one. It's an essay on your thoughts on the subject rather than all facts which means you can ramble about why your point is right if you run out of space. Now. Your topic is on the credibility of using the same 'classic' novels for schools versus more modern work."

Dean rose his eyebrows. "Uh. I don't know?"

Cas chuckled, "I figured, let's uh..go find some books to compare." He held up a finger, "No kisses in front of angry lady."

"Pinky promise," Dean vowed and held out his littlest finger. His boyfriend laughed and left him seated at the table without shaking fingers. "Does that mean I don't have to keep that promise!" He called at Cas' retreating back.

Following, he made it to the front end of the bookshelves and found the other crouching down and pulling a few books off the shelf. Dean glanced to make sure the librarian wasn't watching then gave a swift kiss on the cheek to Cas as he kneeled beside him. He was sure that the only way anyone would have noticed was if they'd of been within three feet of them.

"Dean." Cad hiss and push him lightly. "I said no."

"But you didn't pinky!" Dean argued.

"Stop with the puppy eyes." Cas laughed. "I'm not mad."

Dean peered over Cas' head and noticed "Miss grouchy pants" was gone. He watched Cas; his eyelashes as his eyes blinked, the little tuff of hair that never sat in place, his mouth as he muttered book titles under his breath, and his hands as he chose which books to pick up.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Oh!" Dean asked, "I was smiling?"

"You're a dork."

"I think I'm adorable."

"Adorkable." Cas compromised, and pulled his chin forward to kiss him. Even from the light contact, Dean felt his stomach twist.

"Where you goin?" Dean laughed breathless as Cas pulled away.

"She can't-"

But Dean cut him off with another kiss, "She's not there I checked."

"Deeean." Cas sighed, "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Mmmm?" Dean thought aloud, "Hopefully kiss me some more."

"What time is it?" Cas asked.

"Completely random." Dean raised his eyebrows but looked at his phone. "Bout twenty min til school is over."

"Okay," Cas nodded, looking suddenly serious he stood just enough to see the front desk and noted that it was still empty. "Let's go."

"What?"

"Here." Cas threw a few book in his arms. "I'll meet you by your car."

“Cas!” he hissed as the dark haired boy who disappeared around a bookshelf. Shaking his head he doubled checked that the coast was clear and went to the door, then laughed when he was out and walked to his car leisurely.

He set the stack of books on the back seat of his car and sat on the trunk, waiting for Cas to join him. Within minutes, Dean spotted him walking across the parking lot. Trenchcoat pulled tightly around him and hair flying in all directions in the breeze.

"What are you smiling at?" Castiel laughed when he approached.

"You look cute." Dean shrugged, and slid off the car, "So what was up with the 007 moves back there?"

"Oh. I didn't want to waste time checking those books out. So. I uh, just grabbed my stuff and left."

"Dangerous." Dean teased and gave a soft shove on the other's shoulder.

Cas leaned forward and cupped his face, "Anything for you." He grinned and kissed him.

Dean inhaled quickly and let himself be kissed, "How long we got?" He said softly between kisses. Cas stood back to look at his watch, fixing his glasses he looked back to him, "Bout ten minutes."

"Fuck yes." Dean mumbled, then kissed back without hesitation. He loved that every time their lips met he still felt butterflies in his stomach. His hands found the lapel's on the other's jacket and pulled him closer. Letting go of any other thought he let himself breathe with Cas, the world was Castiel and he couldn't care less about anything else.

Seemingly too quick the bell releasing the day rang and he pulled back blushing.

"Are we actually going to study later or just make out? Because I'm cool with either."

Laughing, Cas fixed his glasses again and sighed, "I think we better study."

"Such a nerd." Dean rolled his eyes but then smirked at the other. "Your house or mine?"

"That depends. Is your dad home?"

"Fuck." Dean cursed, "He's not...but I think he was supposed to be back today. But I can't be gone all night...I don't wanna leave Sam there that long by himself." He cursed mentally, wishing he could believe anything different.

Too often had he come home with John yelling at Sam for something out of his control and although he wasn't much of a mediator he definitely was a buffer between the two. Everyday he was scared he was going to come home to one of them stretched at breaking point and the damage that would ensue.

"That's fine." Cas assured him, taking one of his hands thoughtfully. His mouth opened like he wanted to say more but Sam appeared like magic.

"Hey guys!" The younger Winchester beamed, "So get this! I asked Jess to Winter Formal and she said yes!!! Dean! What do I wear?"

"Uh." Dean took a moment to take in his brother's presence. "I'll help you out."

"You're amazing." Sam grinned widely.

"Are you guys-"

Dean cut his brother off, "Let's go!" He nearly shouted. He had forgotten he promised Jo he'd ask Cas.

"But-" Dean started to shove Sam towards the car, "I'll see you in a few hours!" He yelled to Cas.Once in the car Sam punched him in the arm.

“What the hell was that Dean?” Sammy asked angrily.

“I haven’t asked him yet!” Dean countered. “Jesus.”

“The dance is in like a week and a half dude.”

“Shuddap. You only asked Jess today.”

“Yeah..well.”

“Yeah. So shut up.”

“Rude.” Sam grumbled and turned his attention out the window of the car.

Dean rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Don't be like that."

"Fine. But uh...Dean-" Sammy looked at him thinking of what he wanted to say, a look in his eyes said he was scared to ask.

"Speak up."

"Are we gonna have enough?"

A seed of guilt filled his gut, "Sammy. Don't worry about that..."

"We both know Dad can't be relied on for cash and we still gonna make it to the end of the month.."

"You don't have to worry about it!" Dean gripped the wheel and counted to ten in his head to tune down his temper. "I'm sorry. I just...I dunno. Hell, Sammy, just worry about school and shit, okay?"

"Yeah..'kay."

"Sammy..."

"I get it!" Sam yelled, still looking out the window. As they pulled up in the driveway, Sam had the door open and was nearly out of the car before Dean had put Baby into park.

"Sammy!" Dean called, but his brother ignored him and slammed the front door behind him. "Dammit."

He took in a deep breath then let it out as he set his head down on the roof of the car. Another breath and he shrugged his belongings over his shoulder and walked into the house. Sam had disappeared up the stairs and Dean grabbed an apple and poptart to snack on and left once again

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_"Hey Cas?" Dean asked sitting cross legged in the grass. His friend looked up but didn't say anything, "I...I got you something."_

_"What is it?" Cas inquired smiling now._

_Dean grinned back and pulled out the rock he had found. "I found it by the river." He held it out for his friend to see. It was a mostly smooth rock and shaped like a triangle._

_"Thanks!" The dark haired boy beamed, "I've never had a rock as a present before."_

_Dean shrugged, "I was watchin TV and after two people kiss they usually give each other a rock or somethin. Pammie said it was a different kind of rock, but I liked this one."_

_"I like it." Cas smiled, curling the rock in his fist, "We could go see if we can find one for you and Sammy. Then we could all have cool rocks!"_

_"Okay!" Dean said excitedly, hopping up and reaching his hand down to help his friend up._

_The boys held hands down to the stream and only let go when they reached into the water to find other collectible rocks for one another._

_Cas found one that was slightly green from moss and decided Dean should have it because his eyes were green too. Dean nodded and stuck the rock in his pocket. "Now we just need one for Sammy." Castiel said in a serious voice and plunged both hands into the water in front of him, searching._

_After searching for a few minutes Dean gave up and sat on the bank, "Heya Cas?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Do we have to kiss all the time?"_

_Cas looked up and him and tilted his head, "What do you mean?"_

_"Well. I dunno. Big kids and adults don't kiss all the time."_

_Cas shifted on his feet and looked down embarrassed, "We don't have to."_

_"No! I mean. We can. I just. I dunno. I want to....if you do."_

_Cas raised his head and smiled, climbing out of the water he walked over to where Dean was sitting and kissed his cheek, "I want to."_


	44. Chapter 44

Castiel sat with his back against the wall on his bed, doodling a poor drawing of a flower rather than the homework he was supposed to be doing. Lazily he added a bee flying around it and smiled. Feeling bored he sent a text to Charlie.

Cas: Any chance I can keep that bee shirt you have?

In seconds she replied.

Charlie: Good, god. Yes. I don't ever wear it. Why though?

Cas laughed lightly, shaking his head.

Cas: I wanna see Dean's reaction.

Charlie: I bet it will BEE adorable.

Cas: Oh my god.

Charlie: You love me.

Cas: Yeah. I do.

Charlie: I'll bring it to school tomorrow.

Cas: You're the best.

Charlie: I know.

Smiling, Castiel put his phone aside and decided to actually do his homework. He'd saved all his math homework for last, it being his least favorite. It wasn't that the subject was very hard for him, he would just rather not go through all the work, there was only so many times that he could write down the same formula before his brain started to hurt from the monotony of it.He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and looked up, surprised to see dark had fallen. Squinting he looked to his alarm clock; 8:45 it blinked and he smiled to himself. Less than an hour and Dean would be stopping by.

Tossing aside his binder, he went to grab the material he'd dug out to help the two of them brainstorm ideas.

There was a small knock on his bedroom door and his mom walked sitting beside him on the bed.

"Hello, Angel." She said, giving a ruffle to his head.

He'd begun to think the reason his hair never stayed any one direction was because his mother had done this since he could remember.

"Hey mom." He smiled, "How was work?"

She shrugged, "Same old, Same old."

"Is that good?" Castiel asked softly, he didn't knows if she was saying it was too boring or if she enjoyed her busy schedule.

"Yes and no." She smiled, "I feel like I abandon you here by yourself too often."

"I'm perfectly fine."

"I know. But if you need me to cut back."

"I can't make you do that..."

"Promise to tell me if something is really wrong?" She asked her eyes pleading.

"Of course." He agreed and held out his pinky, "Let's shake on it. This promise goes both ways. Anything, anything, you need to share."

"I thought I was the parent here," She mused and pinky promised him anyway, then gave him a soft kiss on the head, and told him about the leftovers she had put in the fridge. "If you need me, I'll be taking a bath. So...don't need me." She teased and left, closing his door behind her.

Rolling his eyes at the door he found the book he'd been looking for, sitting on the floor he turned a few pages, skimming the chapters to get a general overview. He really hoped they could get the paper over and done with quickly; both so Dean could be back for Sam and maybe they could have some time with just the two of them. He felt his face flush with the thought and decided to go eat dinner to get his mind from wandering anywhere else.

The microwave beeped, signaling his food was done at the same time the doorbell rang. Grabbing his plate and a fork he went to answer the door.

Dean smiled at him and pointed to his dinner. "Eating spaghetti without me?"

"Oh. Would you like some? There's plenty."

Dean laughed and nodded, "I was joking but if you're serious."

"Course." Castiel answered and let the other back into the kitchen.

Settled, they ate mostly in silence. Not that Cas minded it was nice to have someone to eat a meal with, lately his mom was home at odd hours so they hadn't crossed paths. Dean was nearly slurping his food from his fork to his face making Cas laugh louder than he expected, drawing a look from Dean. 

"Shaddup." Dean smiled, then punched him in the arm. "I am a growing boy and I need my food."

"You are a dork, it's a helluva good thing you're pretty."

"I'm not pretty! I'm a man!"

"You so pretty." Cas insisted, "I swear if you hair was as long as Sam's people would think you were his sister."

"Well then I'm damn pretty. Sounds a bit better."

"Okay. You're damn pretty."

"Knew it." Dean beamed and leaned over to kiss him lightly.

"No kissing until our homework is done."

"Such a buzzkill."

Cas rolled his eyes and got up to put his dishes away. "Whenever you're done I have everything ready in the living room."

"Hey wait!" Dean said through a mouthful of food, "I'm reathy."

"That's disgusting." Cas noted and walked out of the room. There was a rustle of water and dishes and within seconds Dean was sitting in front of him meek as a child.

"What's on the agenda? Eh, teach?"

"Well. I think we're gonna start with what you know of both books and work from there."

Dean made an overdramatic sigh and laid his head on the table looking put out, "You can't just write it for me?"

"Nope." Cas said simply and pushed a book towards him.

Dean tried the puppy eyes again but he picked up a pencil and let Dean read while he drew some doodles for ideas to come for his project. The deadline had gotten closer while he wasn't paying attention. The last few days he found himself sketching flowers and wondered if he should incorporate them somehow.

Before he knew it Dean was throwing pieces of paper at his forehead until he looked up.

"I'm done."

"Dean. It's been about half an hour."

"Yeeeah. But I learned it. Promise."

"Both books? You're telling me you learned all about To Kill A Mockingbird in thirty minutes?"

"Yes."

"Dean."

"Okay no. But can't we just watch the movie?"

"No."

"Why! It will be so much quicker!"

"No, because then you'll just try to kiss the whole time and I actually really like that movie."

"You got me there." Dean nodded, "How bout, we make out now, and I go home and read four chapters. You can quiz me tomorrow and everything."

Castiel eyed him carefully. "And what do you lose if you don't read?"

Dean scrunched his nose, "No kissing for at least three days."

"Deal." He smiled and put down his pencil.

Eagerly, Dean slid next to him and planted a kiss firmly on his lips, responding, with a smirk, he grabbed the back of Dean's jaw and held it there. He could tell Dean was trying to dominate this one but he was too smug to let Dean have it.

Slowly he maneuvered Dean to the floor and crawled on top. There was a little huff from Dean but he let himself be held there. He tried not to smile at this, but a laugh escaped anyway. He shifted his legs so they slotted between Dean's and lowered slowly, just enough to brush together.

"Dammit." Dean groaned. "That's not fair."

"Shhh." Castiel replied and pinned the other's hands to the floor. "My mom will hear you."

"She's fuckin here!" Dean exclaimed. "Cas stop. We can't. I mean-shit-why didn't you tell me?"

Ignoring him Cas nuzzled his nose into Dean's neck and began kissing his collarbone; hushed moans escaped from him making Cas giggle but he didn't let up.

"You really wanna stop?" He whispered in Dean's ear and sat back on his knees.

"You're impossible."

"Improbable, not impossible."

"Know-it-all." Dean scoffed. "I just don't want her walkin down while we are all over each other."

"Wanna go to my room then?" Cas asked raising an eyebrow but smiled. "She usually knocks before coming in."

"Your room it is." Dean confirmed and wiggled out from beneath him.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to keep his hands to himself, he hurried to the stairs first and let Dean follow. Once the door had shut them both in however, Cas let his self-control go.

He pushed his boyfriend to the door and kissed him deeply, sharing air and any sense of space that was left. Dean huffed a laugh but curled his fingers into his hair and pulled Cas closer. Free to do as he pleased, Dean began to rut their hips together in a slow, torturous pace.

"That's not fair," Cas heaved and pulled Dean with him to the bed, then laid him down to enact his revenge.

"That's not fair." Dean laughed, when Cas slid a hand up his shirt while resuming his place on Dean's collarbone.

Castiel tried to focus on who's hands belonged where but lost track when the friction between them became erratic. He could feel Dean's erection against his own and wanted nothing more than to suck the other off, just to see the pleasure on Dean's face, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Dean's mouth either.

"Dammit." He finally grumbled; sitting back he unzipped Dean's jeans and looked at him seriously, "Is this okay?"

Dean didn't speak but nodded. Grinning, he slid the jeans to the floor and stroked Dean's cock through his boxers, watching Dean twitch, desperate for more. Smirking he got rid of the underwear as well and let his fingers glide over his dick.

"Fuck. Cas." Dean complained, "You just gonna sit and stare or-"

Cas took Dean in his mouth slowly, licking what precome had begun to leak, then bobbed slowly, making sure to take all the time he wanted.

Every arch of his back or flinch from Dean made his own erection twitch. He fumbled with his own pants and grabbed hold of his own cock and matched the pace of his hand with his mouth sucking off Dean. He looked up to see Dean watching him, his eyes wide and longing; his legs felt weak and he knew he'd have to finish this soon.

Forgetting himself, he placed a hand on each of Dean's thighs and let his mouth do the rest. Dean's head rolled back whenever he hummed against the warm dick in his mouth, making him proud of his work.

"Fuck." Dean gasped, and pulled Cas' head closer by his hair, "I'm close, Cas."

Castiel looked up, and only sat back enough to give a long slow lick to the bottom of Dean's cock before, swallowing him down again.

By now, his own dick was in desperate need but he wanted to make this about Dean. He wanted him, he wanted to make him happy, to make him feel free, to make him forget about any sorrow, but mostly, right now anyway, he wanted to watch his face when he came in his mouth. As predicted, it was a face worth waiting for, Dean's eyes rolled and his mouth hung open in awe, his face was flush with color, making his freckles stand out more than usual.

"Gorgeous." Cas smiled when Dean was coming back down.

"My turn." Dean commanded.

At first, Castiel couldn't help but feel embarrassed, Dean looked slightly nervous and he really didn't want to push him. "Dean, we don't have-" but the other boy caught on and let himself feel go. Without any hesitation he had pulled off his jeans and boxers in one swift motion, taking him by surprise.

Dean was more cautious, however, where he placed his hands and lips, but Cas couldn't care less. Dean Winchester, his Dean, was giving him a blowjob and he couldn't care about anything else in the world.

Soon enough, Dean managed to get all of Cas' length in his mouth and still look smug about it. Cas would've told him off but Dean hollowed his cheeks, making him forget any sort of thought. "Dean." He begged. "I'm close, please."

Dean definitely laughed this time and bobbed his head quicker, along with massaging his balls. "You wanna come on my face?" Dean asked with an almost innocent look on his face.

He wanted to ask how he could make that face while sucking dick but all he could do was nod as Dean stroked him the rest of the way to his release. White streams lined Dean's face, he shook as he came back down and pulled Dean up and under his blanket with him. He kissed and licked every drop of his cum he could see then looked at Dean, smiling.

Neither said anything but smiled like they'd won some big prize. He nuzzled into Dean's neck and tried to focus on the scent the emitted from them. Dean was still breathing heavy, so he pulled him closer.

All the sorrow and hurt he'd felt before from Balthazar seemed to be washed away, and he let himself be held by someone new. Someone he cared for, someone he trusted not to be the same, someone he could let himself be free with.


	45. Chapter 45

Dean began taking deep breaths to slow his pulse. One arm was propping him up and the other was around the shorter boy beside him. Castiel was curled next to him, clearly drifting in and out of consciousness, enough so that he had bothered to fix his glasses that sat askew, laying on his forehead. It had been three since that first night they spent together, nearly everyday Dean came over, usually they studied but they ended most nights tangled in one another.

Smiling, Dean tugged the stray glasses off and set them on the nightstand, then carefully pulled his arm away from his boyfriend. He'd been staring at Cas for at least ten minutes but couldn't help but watch as he slept, so comfortable and at peace. He parted Cas' hair enough to kiss his forehead then crept out of bed. He's just pulled on his jeans when Cas woke.

"So soon?" Cas said in a raspier voice than normal.

"I already stayed longer than I should." Dean admitted.

"I know." Cas nodded, "You should just live here." And stuck his head back into his pillow.

"Isn't that a bit soon?" Dean chuckled.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Dean whispered and pulled his shirt over his head. It would be easier if he didn't have to worry about his dad, about Sam, or even what would happen if his dad knew of their relationship. He swallowed at the thought and shook his head, "I'll see you at school tomorrow, babe. Don't panic."

"Ugh," Cas groaned, "You really can't come up with a different pet name than 'Babe' it's like one syllable away from Baby and I feel like your car."

"You love Baby and you know it. Besides, you love it." He teased and walked to kiss Castiel properly.

Castiel blinked when he pulled away, "That's so not fair."

"Until tomorrow, sweet cheeks!! And I'm not talkin about your face!" He called behind him and hurried out of the room and down the stairs before Cas found the energy to get up and follow him out. He shrugged into his coat at the door and giggled to himself the whole drive home.

He quieted himself when he reached his house; all the lights were off and he didn't dare make a noise to wake John. Luckily it seemed his father had made it to his bed and the living room was empty. Quietly, he took his shoes off and put them in the closet, then tip toed to his room. Certain that he'd made no mistakes, he nearly screamed when he saw movement of his bed. Sammy sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Jesus." Dean said holding his chest. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Was waiting for your sorry ass." Sam smirked.

"Sammy." Dean said sarcastically, "Swear jar."

"Shut up." Sam exasperated, "I had to cover again for you with Dad."

"For which I'll be forever grateful but what the hell are you doing in my bed?"

"I was just waiting to tell you Dad is suspicious and also to give you crap cuz you still haven't asked Cassie to the dance."

"Suspicious how?"

"Oh, I dunno Dean. You come home with hickeys and you're gone like twenty four seven."

"Okay okay. But like does he think it's a Cas thing or some chick?"

"Some chick but-"

"Then it's fine." Dean smirked, "Look, I'll ask Cas tomorrow."

"How ya gonna tell Dad about that one?"

"I'll figure it out. Jesus fuck. Sam it's like one a.m. can I go to sleep now?"

"Fine. But really Dean. Be careful."

"Yeah yeah." Dean shooed him out the door and plopped down in his bed too tired to think about anything serious anymore.

Too soon he woke to Sam pounding on his door. Angrily he threw a pillow at the door and rolled over. He was not ready to go to  school nor had the courage to finally ask Cas to a dance. He didn't know what was holding him back, it wasn't like Cas was going to say no, yet he felt a strange lump in his throat when he thought about it. He summoned all his strength; pulled himself from bed, walked to the shower half awake, and somehow found clothes in his closet that were reasonably matching. Sam, as usual, was sitting at the counter waiting patiently for him to be ready. With a ruffle to his brother’s head he grabbed a poptart, his keys, and pointed to the front door, not needing to say anything to Sammy.

Dean had found himself in a sort of pattern the last few days; get up, go to school, eat lunch with Cas and Charlie, talk to Vic and Jo  before class, work, hang with Cas, and repeat. A large yawn escaped his mouth, earning him a sharp look from Bobby. Guiltily he hunched over but smiled, he knew Bobby would never get truly angry with him. Still, they were reviewing changing oil and that was basic level, so Dean pulled out his phone to text Kevin. Adam had been right in that Kev had disappeared. He’d called a few times, Kevin would answer but only say that he was sick and couldn’t come to school. From his voice he didn’t sound sick but Dean wasn’t going to push for answers.

Dean: Hey Kev, you wanna hang with us losers later today?

He hoped that maybe if he wasn’t questioning him about his absence and if it was over text then he would have a better chance and getting a response. His hunch was right and a few minutes later his phone vibrated.

Kevin: Possibly, what are we gonna do? Also, could you do me a favor? I called my teachers and had them set aside some homework for me…could you bring it to my house?

Dean: I dunno yet. Course i’ll bring that stuff. When you want me to stop by?

Kevin: Could you bring it today? I’m sorry its a random request…

Dean: Nah, it’s cool.

He tapped his phone on the table then looked behind him. Adam was sitting on the other side of the room, clearly drawing instead of listening. Not that Dean could blame him; Bobby was like a father to him but his voice tended to melt into the background when he really got going. Glancing at the clock he realized they still had another half hour until the end of the class and he felt his motivation for the day start to crash. Knowing he had nothing better to do he scribbled a note to Adam and balled it then threw it behind him to the best of his ability while Bobby had his back turned. The paper ball landed on the other’s head making him look up in confusion but then gave a small smile to Dean when he read it. Briefly, he wondered if he’d done something stupid but he figured life was too short to think about it too hard.

Dean did his best to make it look like he was paying attention; watched Bobby as he walked back and forth, nodded every once and awhile and even pretended to take notes. He was quite proud of his work until his phone vibrated loudly on his desk. A few people turned and snickered but he mouthed an apology to his teacher then looked at it from under his desk.

Cas: I have a surprise for you today.

Dean: Is it pie? You know how much I love pie.

Cas: No. Dean why do you always assume it’s pie?

Dean: Cuz, one day it will be pie.

Cas: You can’t possibly know that.

Dean: I know everything.

Cas: Clearly not. Just come meet me by your locker after auto.

Dean: Anything you say babe.

Dean snorted at this, he knew Cas hated it but he couldn’t help himself, he loved the face Cas made when he was upset with him. Smirking, he looked up to see Bobby staring at him.

“Is there somethin you wish to share with the class, Dean?”

“Nah,” Dean waved him off, “Bobb-er-Mr. Singer. It can wait. I’m sorry.”

“Uh huh.” Bobby said non believing and turned back to the blackboard to finish his lecture.

Dean continued his random scribbles on his paper until the bell rang then jumped up to catch Adam before he had a chance to dart off. The class had naturally begun to funnel out of the room and for a moment he lost sight of the other boy.

“Hey, Adam.” He called. Adam poked his head out from behind a group of boys talking about videogames and waited for Dean by sitting atop his desk. “Hey.” he said again when he caught up. “I uh. I know I said I found a way for you to see Kev but it might involve him gettin more pissed at you and me.”

“Shoot.” Adam shrugged, clearly he already thought he was at the bottom of the barrel.

“Alright. He asked me to bring some homework to him today and I just thought, that you could tag along. That way he has to at least look at you right?”

“I dunno Dean…”

“Come on! It’s brilliant! You couldn’t of screwed up that bad.” He reasoned.

“It’s pretty bad.” Adam admitted and rubbed the back of his nervously. “If you wanna meet up at lunch I can tell you more about it...I’ll think about it, but uh, I...fuck. It doesn’t matter. I’ll talk to you at lunch. Ya?”

“Sounds good.” Dean nodded, but watch Adam leave with a curious look. He wandered back to his desk to stuff all his belongings in his backpack, gave a faint wave to Bobby and telling him that he’d see him later and ducked out the door before he could get a lecture.

The regular chaos of the halls surrounding him he pushed past groups of girls, boys, jocks, cheerleaders, and everything between to reach his locker. Cas was standing there with his back to him. Charlie was talking to him and at the largest grin on her face. Confused he walked up to them.

“Whats up gu-” He stopped mid sentence, “Cas what the hell is that.” His boyfriend was dressed in black shirt with large glitter writing spelling “Queen Bee” on it.

“You don’t like my new shirt, _babe_.” He emphasized the last word and looked at Dean with a near innocent look.

“Uh…” He paused, then looked at Charlie who was covering her mouth trying to hold back her laughter. He knew Cas was just messing with him because he hated the nickname Dean had bestowed on him, but he wouldn’t be persuaded to change it that quickly. “It’s great. I mean. I was shocked at the all over...uh...shininess of it, but I see it’s appeal. You clearly love bee’s and uh, it says...bee on it.”

Cas rolled his eyes, “So...You don’t mind holding my hand down the hall while I wear this?”

“Nope.” Dean said seriously and held out a hand, “C’mon _babe_ , I’m gonna be late to History.”

A slight scowl passed on Cas’ face but he took his hand regardless and walked with him like it was just any other day. The school had naturally looked at them weird already but with Cas in this shirt and smug look on Dean’s face he noticed quite a few more people staring at the strangely. When the reached his classroom, Dean stopped and took both Cas’ hands, “See you at lunch?” he asked innocently.

Cas rolled his eyes, and kissed him lightly on the cheek, “Yeah, don’t worry. I’m switching shirts in Ceramics so I don’t ruin this shirt.”

“Oh thank God.” Dean said blandly.

With another squeeze to the other’s hand he turned and walked into his class. A few girls had decided he was now a very interesting person for dating a guy and swarmed to him whenever he was caught alone. Becky Rosen was one of these girls and cornered him before he’d even reached his desk. She asked for nearly every detail of his relationship with Castiel. Lately, he’d been just saying random stuff to satisfy her curiousity. For example, two days ago he told her that Cas smelled like watermelon and it made his mouth water. That had gotten rid of her for a solid three hours and he had mentally made a note to come up with something just as good in the future.

“Dean!” She squealed and followed him to his desk. “I won’t ask much from you today, I know you’re probably sick of all my questions…”

“Not at all.” Dean lied, but gave her a convincing smile, there was no reason to hurt her feelings.

She beamed at him and clapped her hands together, “Great! Right! My question. Are you going to Winter Formal with Castiel?”

“Uh.” Dean hesitated, he fully intended to, but was worried what she was going to do if he answered ‘yes’. Mind blank he said the only answer he knew, the truth. “I haven’t asked him yet.”

“The dance is in less than a week! Dean! You have to ask him!”

He didn’t dare ask what would happen if he didn’t ask Cas and decided it would be prudent to get her to stop before the other half of the class stared back at them, “I’m asking him today. Alright?”

She made a squealing noise and clapped again, then took one of Dean’s hands, “I’m so happy for you both.” then nearly skipped to her desk.

A few students around him laughed and shook their heads. Already sick of the day, Dean put his head down on his desk, unwilling to even fake paying attention. He was aware of his teacher’s eyes on him but he didn’t care. He could’ve given anything to disappear right there on the spot. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of Cas, in fact, he was sure Cas was the greatest thing that had happened to him in a long time. It was the worry that one of these peers would go home and tell their dumb parents about the gay guys at school and somehow, magically, John would end up hearing about it. Trying every tactic he knew to drain his mind, he tapped the desk to what to him, sounded something like Back in Black.  The bell finally rang releasing them and he walked out casually, he hadn’t even bothered to get out his notebook, and therefore didn’t have anything to pack away.

At the far end of the lunchroom he sat at the table where he met up with everyone and put his backpack on the table, then his head down and waited for them to show up. It wasn’t until Charlie poked his cheek did he realize he was already half asleep.

“Cassie, I think you gotta stop staying with him until one in the morning. He looks a bit dead.”

“Thanks.” Dean said rolling his eyes, and sitting up.

Castiel was looking at him with something acute to worry in his eyes, so he smiled at him to let him know he was fine. “What are we doin for lunch today?”

“I’m diggin sandwiches.”

“I’m down.” Dean smiled and looked to Cas who only nodded and took hold of his hand as they stood in line.

With Cas beside him he had nearly forgotten all his worries about school, John, the dance, Kevin, and let himself just be with other. Halfway through their meal Charlie cleared her throat grabbing his attention. Castiel was blushing and Dean realized he’d been staring at the different curls in his hair. Failing to conceal his embarrassment he coughed and took a drink of the soda next to him.

“Aw.” Charlie mused, “You guys are so cute.”

“Stop.” Cas said rolling his eyes, “Dean doesn’t like to be called cute. He’s too handsome...or that’s what he tells me.”

“I’m damn pretty.” Dean chimed in, making sure to let Charlie know he wasn’t hurt by her comment. He knew he stared at Cas a little too often but he couldn’t help it, especially on a day like today where it let him forget about anything bothering him. It was much easier to watch Cas’ mouth curve up on one side when he said certain letters then it was to think about how he was going to handle his dad finding the two of them. Gradually, he joined the conversation and relaxed a little and just focused on what was going on in the moment. The rest could wait until later.

“Dean?” A cautious voice asked behind him.

He turned to see Adam standing there, one hand clutching his backpack strap and the other tucked in his pocket. “Adam. Hey. I forgot, um, you wanna go somewhere else to talk?”

Adam nodded and motioned behind him, “I’ll meet you at the baseball pitch?”

“Yeah. Gimme a minute I’ll be there.”

His friends watched him curiously. It wasn’t like him to talk to anyone other than his already small group of friends. He rolled his eyes, “I told him I’d help out with Kevin.” He looked at Cas and smiled, “I’ll see you after school.” and kissed him just enough to make Charlie squirm, he knew she was in on this shirt somehow and had to get his revenge on her. “Later _babe_.” he whispered in Cas’ ear and tucked a stray hair behind it. Castiel was red in the face when he left, making him feel proud of his actions. He knew Cas would come around the the nickname eventually.

He found Adam sitting on a bench in the dugout and walked over hurriedly, “Sorry about that.” He announced when he caught up.

Adam turned and looked at him, “No worries. Is...is he cool with you sitting here with me?”

“Dude. Cas is probably the best boyfriend ever. He’s cool.” Dean assured him. Adam smiled faintly. “So uh...what’s up?”

Adam laughed mirthless, “I don’t even fucking know.”

“Can’t help if you don’t try dude.”

“I know sorry. It’s just. I was a jerk, it’s hard to own up to.”

“Try me.” Dean reasoned and set his backpack down, it seemed like he was going to be here for awhile.

“Alright...so it’s like this.” Adam started but looked away from him, “We were at a movie, and it was goin all good. He was bein all cute and I just, God, I couldn’t stop lookin at him ya know? Anyway, he went off to the bathroom while I got snacks and I ran into some people from school. Not that I’m really friends with these guys, but I’m not too sure I wanna be on their bad side…”

“Yeah…” Dean said carefully, wondering where this was going.

“Anyway. So like. They are bein all asshole like...callin names and bein all over jackasses...but we’re in public and I didn’t really wanna make a scene...but like...Kevin came out and smiled at me and as always I felt myself turn into a useless puddle of goo, and said something flirty or some shit to him, which made Kevin real happy but the other dudes...well...shit. I just. They were following us and being a real pain in the ass. They sat right behind us in the movie and threw shit at us and I was near the point of just hoppin back there to punch some kid’s face in so I suggested we leave.”

“Naturally.” Dean nodded. “So what’s the problem? Sounds like you guys made the most of it.”

“Yeah.” Adam sighed, “The date was good it was the next day I fucked up. I was waitin for Kevin by the fountain when these douche bags from the theater show up and start givin me shit all over again. And I was just so annoyed ya know? I don’t even know these assholes and they don’t even know me, they don’t know Kevin, they don’t know shit.”

Again Dean nodded, but didn’t wanna say anything, he could tell the climax of the story was coming and was nervous for the ending because up til now it didn’t seem that bad.

“Well. Eventually. I just kinda...lost it. I got up and pushed on in the fountain and yelled at the other...I yelled somethin about how he needed to shut his ass of a face because I didn’t even know what the fuck I was doin with Kevin and it was none of his damn business. Those weren’t my exact words, I think it was a bit more vague and rude…but uh. Kevin was behind me, and I’m not sure how much he heard. Enough to know that I kinda pushed him aside and uh...he stopped talking to me.”

“Damn.”

“It’s not like I meant I didn’t wanna be dating Kev, I just didn’t know how the fuck I got there so quickly, but I didn’t ever get a chance to explain it cuz he just up and disappeared. I fucked up, but he won’t even talk to me.”

“I can see why you don’t wanna go see him…” Dean said quietly. “But I think you gotta.”

“How.” Adam said, it wasn’t a question more a demand.

“Just come with me today...this sounds like somethin you guys gotta figure out or it’s just gonna eat away at you.”

“I was afraid you were going to say that.”

“I’m not saying he’ll talk to you...but if you really care about Kevin you’ll try.”

Eventually, he got Adam to agree and set a time they would meet up to go over there. While he felt bad for the kid, there was something else poking at his own memory.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_“Dean! What the hell you doin man! C’mon!” Victor was yelling at him from the steps of his new school and he was terrified._

_He faked a confident grin to Sammy in the backseat and got out of the car. Middle school hadn’t been that big of a deal since it was mostly people he'd known already, and he didn’t dare tell his dad this but he was scared shitless about high school. All his teachers had told him these were the years that were going to define his life and he felt like he hadn’t learned anything to actually help him in the real world. Swallowing his fear, he walked up the steps and joined his friend. Together they found their classes and Vic introduced him to others that he knew who were grades ahead of him. He felt small and insignificant but faked a smile and played off his nerves with jokes. In no time he was the funny Winchester kid and he began to feel pretty good._

_That was until he realized these other kids weren’t the nicest of people. They weren’t rude per se but they turned their nose up to a few kids in the halls. They dictated them as ‘fresh meat’ and ‘nerds’ and hardly gave the time of day to any of them. In fact, it seemed they ignored a few of them when they asked something as simple as directions. He almost stepped in to say something when Vic shook his head and told him not to. He wasn’t fool enough to lose what could potentially be the new friends he was going to have so he just kept quiet. That was until some kid tapped his shoulder and gave the largest smile he’d ever seen._

_“Hello Dean.” The boy greeted happily._

_Dean looked to his peers and saw they had that look on their face, the face of questioning to him and a look of disgust to this new person. He couldn’t place where he knew the boy who had just said ‘hello’ but he was sure he knew him. He wanted to say something back and ask where he knew him from but instead what came out was a different question._

_“Do I know you?” He asked. This caused the kids behind him to laugh and clap him on the back. Dean looked confused at them momentarily, he hadn’t meant anything rude, he really just wanted to know where he knew those eyes, but clearly it had been taken different._

_“Fuckin Winchester! This kid.” One laughed, faking a tear in his eye._

_Dean turned back to see the black haired boy look horrified. He was looking at the large group of boys then at Dean. At first those eyes were full of sadness but shifted to a more vacant look as he looked straight at Dean. A lump rose in throat and knew he would have to make amends for what he did later. But what was wrong with hanging out with these new friends for just a little while. The strange little nerdy boy would always be around and for sure he’d eventually figure out how he knew him._


	46. Chapter 46

“Aren’t you guys adorable.” Charlie said in a monotone when Dean walked away.

Castiel shifted in his seat, and looked down at his food, he could tell his face was still red and didn’t have the nerve to look up at Charlie yet. “He is pretty adorable.”

The rest of the day went slower without Dean around with him. He did receive a few texts from Dean in his other classes, complaining about the hours wasted, but he also told him he had a lot to do today so they would see each other tomorrow.

In reality, it was a little over twelve hours, and Cas knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t help himself. He let out a defeated sigh and felt himself zone out.

During his English class he pulled out his sketchbook for his ideas on his final project. He had a few pages worth of doodles, some more detailed than others but mostly they were vague ideas swimming in his head. Determined to actually pick an idea he let his hand do the thinking and let his brain shut off to anything else going on around him. Just as he had fallen into a rhythm he got interrupted.

“Castiel...right?”

Looking up confused he saw a girl standing before him; she had sandy brown hair and a wide smile. “Um. Yes?”

“Becky Rosen.” She introduced herself, then sat in front of him, “I was just wondering if Dean has asked you yet?”

“Asked me what?”

“Oh my god he hasn’t!” She squealed. “Will you promise to text me when he does?”

“I’m sorry...but I’m not quite sure-”

“Of course. That would be crazy. I’ll just wait until I see you after he does. Oh my god. I’m so excited.”

“Um.”

“Talk to you soon!!” She beamed and moved back across the room to talk to her friends.

One brow raised, Castiel looked up to see the rest of the room was staring at him and laughing slightly. Groaning internally, he shook his head and tried to find that emotion he was experiencing before he was interrupted but it was gone.

Sighing, he flipped the page and started sketching Dean from what he could remember. He started with the dorky smile he got whenever he thought he was being hilarious and went from there. The bell rang releasing them, when he was putting the final touches on it and he smiled, and folded his book back and walked out of his class calmly, trying to ignore all the odd stares from his peers and the giggle from Becky as she strode out ahead of him.

As usual, he slid his way between groups of people and tried as much as possible to stay out of anyone’s way. Finally arriving at his locker, he stuffed his extra books in and grabbed his coat.

The weather change and forced him to bring a heavier coat, this one he wasn’t as fond of but his mother had bought it and figured it kept him warm and that was all that really mattered. Even though he knew he wouldn’t see him, his eyes searched the mass for Dean without really thinking about it. As he predicted, there was no sign of him, undeterred, he started his way home, pulling his hood up to brace against the cold wind around him.

Halfway there, he realized that there wasn’t going to be anyone waiting at home for him, so he changed his course and set off for the coffee shop just inside town. ‘ _Maybe there I can draw without any disruptions.’_ He convinced himself.

The walk took longer than he thought it would and by the time he reached the doors into the cafe he could no longer feel his fingers. With a grateful smile, he walked to the front counter and ordered a large cup of coffee then sat in a far corner to set up and make himself comfortable.

Before he settled in completely he sent a quick text to his mom to let her know where he was, then one more to Dean with a picture of what he was missing. Smiling, he set to work, only breaking to order more coffee. He had gotten a general idea of what he wanted, he only needed to hammer out the details. Between cups two and three, another was set in front of him. Confused he looked up to see the barista from the counter.

“Hey.” He said with a grin, “This one’s on the house.” The boy had slightly curly brown hair and hazel eyes.

“Um. Thank you.”

“No problem.” The boy smiled again and left without another word.

Feeling slightly awkward, he finished his own cup first before drinking the one that was given him. It wasn’t until he was getting up to leave that he saw there was a note scribbled on the side. _‘Just for you, cutie.’_

Really confused he looked up at the barista again, who was now helping a customer who had just come in. He looked back at his cup and noticed a phone number written on the cup as well. Blushing, he wondered if he shouldn’t have accepted the drink so freely, but figured it would have been rude not to.

‘ _What do I tell him?_ ’ he wondered, now panicking what the proper procedure was. He wanted to thank the other but didn’t want to encourage any further behavior. Nervously, he simply gave a smile to the boy and ducked quickly out of the store. He could text the other boy and simply tell him that he was in a relationship. That wouldn’t be too hard, at least it would be easier than telling it to the boy’s face.

Once home, Castiel peeled off his coat and shoes then laid on the couch face first. Stretching, he set aside his glasses and punched a pillow into a more comfortable position. Dean had a lot of homework, work, and something to do with Kevin so he didn't bother texting him. Instead he sent a thank you to the boy who had given him a drink and explained his situation.

Satisfied with his response he put his phone aside and laid on his back. He listened for a moment and heard nothing but the whirl of the heater and knew he was home alone. He did a double check on his phone to make sure he hasn't missed any messages from his mom then let himself take a nap.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

"Angel?" His mother was tapping his shoulder but he didn't want to move.

"Hey." He said voice still full of sleep, he kept his eyes closed and debated if he should just sleep on the couch. Maybe Charlie had been right, maybe he had been up too late with Dean recently. "I'll move. Promise."

His mother laughed and brushed his hair back, "I was just seeing if you were all right. Where's Dean?"

"Work. Or...what time is it? He may be at his house already."

"It's nearly midnight."

Castiel groaned, "Is it really? Okay..." He muttered and sat up, "I'll go up to bed..."

"Did you eat?"

"Does coffee count?"

"No. But I'll just make you breakfast in the morning."

Cas nodded, grabbed his phone and stood to hug his mother. As usual she smelled something akin to roses and he let go to kiss her on the cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Angel."

As soon as he had closed his bedroom door he pulled off everything but his boxers and laid face down on his bed, reveling in its comfort. His phone vibrated and he looked at the small glow on his nightstand. Irritated, he picked it up anyway, then was surprised to see more than one message.

Dean: Cas. Babe. If I ever hurt you lemme know. This ain't a fun situation I meddled in.

Dean: oh. I think they might make up

Dean: never mind

Dean: oh my god they kissed. Is that how we look? I bet we look better.

Dean: work sucks.

Dean: are you asleep?

Dean: I may have dug into my dad's alcohol stash.

Dean: my pillow isn't as comfy as sleeping by you. I wanna trade

Dean: Babe. You smell nice. Did you know?

Dean: Sammy yelled at me. Just cuz he don't drink.

Dean: Cas. Can I sleep at your place this weekend. We can cuddle and watch Disney movies.

Dean: not fuckin brother bear tho. I cry every time.

Dean: babe. I'm falling sleep. I see you morrow.

Castiel found himself laughing. Dean was a dork, a lovable dork, his dork. He sent his boyfriend a heart and a smiley face, knowing he'd talk to him when he was sober in the morning. He had three other messages and clicked those next.

The first was from Charlie, it was a drawing she was working on where she was trying to capture the essence of frost. It was gorgeous but she had written ' _fuck this_ ' at the bottom. Smiling he clicked on the first of the unknown numbers.

(577) 543-8905: Cassie. Baby. Pls call me.

He felt a bit of bile rise in his throat and resisted the urge to throw his phone across the room. To calm down he reread Dean's messages and then took a deep breath and read the final message.

(234) 654-3218: cutie. Still don't know your name. Thanks for responding, most would just ignore me. Sorry I didn't know you were taken. Hope you enjoyed the coffee!

He didn't know how to respond to this one, Castiel stared at his phone, typed a few words but deleted every one of them. He settled on putting his phone aside and rolling over. ' _Should I tell Dean about the random boy? I should tell him about Balthazar...ugh._ ' He thought and pulled a pillow over his head, ' _Dean's right. It's more comfortable with him here._ ' This was his last full thought and then sleep took him.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

‘ _It’s Friday.’_ Cas smiled at himself in the mirror, it wasn’t as though he had any real plans over the weekend but the weekend was always better than sitting in class. Dean had mentioned something about watching movies all weekend but he’d been drunk and Castiel wasn’t sure if that was still something Dean thought was a good idea or if it was a drunken thought.

Since it was the last day of the week, he threw on a hoodie and called it good. If Dean wasn't driving him home there was a fair chance that Charlie would snag him to hang out after school, so he didn't fret about the cold.

Downstairs, as promised, his mom had made him breakfast and left a note. She would be gone until Sunday but she would call everyday. Smiling at her signature, he turned to the plate of waffles, eggs, and bacon.

She really could've just made him oatmeal and he would've been okay with it, but he was grateful for her thoughtfulness. He texted her a thank you and dug in.

The walk to school he found his mind wandering to the last couple texts he'd read the night before. His heart sank at the one from Balthazar. ' _Why on earth is he talking to me now?_ ' He thought angrily and kicked a pile of snow. ' _He thinks he can just walk in and out my life like a store. Well. He had his chance...chances.'_

"Fuck him." He grumbled to himself. He tried to get his mind back to the happy things in his life but Balthazar stuck to his mind like a forgotten piece of gum on his shoe.

"Cassie?"

Cas looked up quickly, "Oh. Charlie." He said in relief, his mind had leaped to Balthazar even though he knew it was irrational.

"Yeah. Morning to you too. Why do you look like you just got told your puppy died?"

"Do I look that bad?" Cas asked sadly, then told her what had been going through his mind, "It's no big deal. I just...I'm not looking forward to telling Dean. He gets weirdly possessive."

"Yeah. Well your ex is insane and Dean gets jealous. That sounds like it's going to be a fun conversation." Charlie patted his shoulder, "It'll be fine. Just ask him to the dance next week."

"Would he want to go?" Cas asked surprised.

"Course he would. Look I got a girl to go with me so you won't even be the only same sex couple. It'll be fun."

"Maybe you're right. I'll ask him at lunch."

"That's my boy!" Charlie beamed. "I'll see you in an hourish."

Castiel waved her off and stopped at his locker to grab his book for U.S. Gov. He could hear Becky calling to him but he pretended not to hear, it wasn't as if he had anything new for her. Thankfully, he made it to class without any disruptions and sat in his usual desk.

Periodically, Dean would text him something about how boring class was or plans for lunch. The only problem was that every time he read a message he could tell he was smiling like a child at Christmas. He pointedly refused to look his classmates in the eyes whenever he felt his face light up and scribbled on his notes until the emotion went away.

By second hour, he was blushing violently from Dean's texts and was being poked by Charlie every time his face lit up. He was happy, though it felt odd considering how annoyed he was this morning.

"Good to see you two are still like puppy dogs."

"Charlieeee."

"I mean, you look at each other like a man seeing the sky for the first time."

"Charlieeeeee."

"I'm just sayin."

"You wanted us together."

"Yeah. Cuz you guys are adorable."

It took ten minutes to talk his friend down from teasing him. He finally got her to change topic when he pulled out his rough draft for his art project. He'd drawn the border but didn't know what he wanted his final image to be. She made suggestions, he made a mental note of a few then started to sketch aimlessly, hoping his fingers would simply figure it out.

To his dismay, the bell rang releasing them to lunch before anything came. No longer than two minutes after he'd entered the hallway did his boyfriend nearly tackle him from behind.

"Dean!"

"Hey Cas." Dean greeted, spinning him around, holding his chin and kissing him lightly.

Cas grabbed Dean's jacket and kissed him back properly. "Hey."

"Okay guys." Charlie complained.

"Mmm." Dean pouted, then whispered into Cas' ear, "We could skip lunch and go sit in my car...." He hinted.

Castiel felt his face flush but laughed, "We're not going to ditch Charlie so you can get off."

"Guuuuys." Charlie whined again.

"Fine." Dean sighed making a face akin to Charlie. Castiel shook his head, he took hold of Dean's hand and led the three of them to the lunchroom.

Charlie and Dean caught up on a show that he's never heard of and he found himself rubbing his thumb against his boyfriend's hand, loving how rough his hand was compared to his own. Dean smiled at him but continued his conversation with Charlie. Cas blushed, and ceased this action.

When they sat, Cas wondered how he was going to bring up Balthazar without making Dean angry, it wasn't that he was worried about himself but for Balthazar. Dean didn't approve of him on average terms but it had worsened since the last turn of events. Every few minutes he opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind every time.

"Dean?" Cas asked softly when they left the lunchroom. Charlie caught his eye and ducked out of the group and disappeared into the crowded hallway.

"Hmmm?" Dean answered but kept looking ahead.

"I, uh. I mean it's not important but Balth texted me last night..."

Dean's hand tightened, "What the hell does he want?"

"Nothing, well probably something I don't know. I didn't answer."

"I swear I'll kick his ass."

"Dean. I didn't tell you so you could get all riled up about it. It was more to tell you not to panic or get upset if he decides he needs to show up."

"Well. I'll still kick his ass."

"Dean."

"But you deserved so much better!" Dean grumbled, "I mean I'm no great step up but I swear to God, Cas-"

"Stop. I get it. Forget I said anything."

"Cas-"

"I'm serious, he probably won't show. I just didn't want you to be caught off guard."

Dean huffed but didn't argue further. "I know this is a shitty time to ask...but you wanna go to that dance with me next week?"

Castiel stopped walking, "You want to go with me?"

"Yeah, I mean, we don't have to. Just like if you want..."

"Of course. Yeah...this isn't cuz of Balth is it?"

"Hell no." Dean shook his head, "I've been meaning to ask you...I just wanted to change topics is all."

"Thank you." Castiel grinned at his boyfriend. "Green or blue?"

"What?"

"Well. If we're going to a dance we have to match our colors right?"


	47. Chapter 47

Dean laid awake staring at his dimming ceiling. He couldn't sleep. One arm was draped on his sleeping boyfriend and he watched Cas' chest rise and fall rhythmically. He couldn't decide if he couldn't sleep because his dad was supposed to be back any day or if he was slowly grasping the fact that he actually really cared for the person beside him. Maybe it was both, regardless, all he could do was watch as the light in the room stretched and changed.

"Cas?" He whispered, maybe he was faking it. He watched the other silently and looked for an noticeable changes. He huffed a laugh when there was none. "Cas. I think I really like you. Like. Really." Cas kept sleeping, and he snuggled closer. Whatever was coming his way he would have to figure it out. He pressed a soft kiss to the other's collar bone then rested back down, closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

_"Dean?" Castiel asked him quietly, "Look what I found."_

_Dean wandered to where his friend was crouched, he peered into the pond then at Cas, "Did you find a fish?"_

_"No." Cas shook his head, "But look!" He opened his hands to share the frog in his grasp, "It's green."_

_Dean let out a loud gasp, "Cas! It's awesome!"_

_"Would you like to keep it? My mother won't let me."_

_Dean nodded, "Yeah, but let's go make sure that Missouri can find a home for it before we move it more."_

_The boys set off back to the house, and found their babysitter in her living room. Before they even announced their find she had one eyebrow raised and a look of disapproval._

_"You boys did NOT just bring a lil wild animal into my house."_

_"Just a little one!" Dean smiled brightly through a gap toothed grin._

_"We...I wanna let Dean keep it."_

_Missouri rolled her eyes but chuckled, "All right, BUT I don't want that thing anywhere near my floors. Ya hear?" She stared them down until they both agreed then led them to the kitchen to grab an old plastic container. "Now, Castiel, you just put that thing in here while Dean goes and finds a big rock."_

_Without hesitation, Dean bolted out the door, while Cas followed his babysitter to the sink where she poured some water for the frog to have._

_"I'm sorry we brought in an animal." Cas whispered._

_"It's fine, honey. I just didn't want to touch it at all." She giggled and lowered the bowl so he could reach."_

_Cas smiled at her as Dean came bounding back in._

_"I got a rock!" He announced, "I also grabbed some leaves and stuff for it."_

_"Sammy will love it." Cas grinned, "Miss Missouri? Can we go give this to Sammy?"_

_"I guess it is about time for him to wake up." She nodded and let them go find the younger boy._

_Dean knocked on the door where Sam was napping then peaked his head in, "Sammy! We got a surprise!"_

_Sam's long hair appeared as his head peaked over the crib, "For me?" He said sleepily._

_"Of course." Dean laughed, then scooted a stool over to the crib so he could lift Sammy out."_

_"Cas has it?" Sam asked looking at Castiel._

_Castiel rushed to show their present. Sammy giggled and asked to hold it, but Dean said no because he didn't want him to squish it. Reluctantly, Sammy laid on the floor to watch it hop around in the small container._

_Dean sat next to Cas and grabbed his hand, "You find cool stuff, Cas."_

_Castiel grinned back, "Only when I'm hunting for things with you."_

_The boys played with the frog until John came to pick his sons up. Dean let Sammy carry the frog -Hopper, they named him- down the stairs as long as he didn't drop it. Cas was scared of Dean's daddy but Dean always called him a baby when he said something about it._

_"Hey Dad." Dean smiled walking into the room._

_"What in God's name are you doin?" John asked in a mocking tone._

_"I'm not doing anything." Dean answered, confused at his Dad's reaction to seeing him._

_"You're holdin some boy's hand like a sissy."_

_"What's wrong with holding Cas' hand? He gets scared. I do with Sammy." Dean complained._

_"That's cuz he's family. No more. Ya hear?"_

_Dean nodded and let go of his friends hand. He knew he was going to be in trouble later, but he didn't really understand why. "Bye Cas," Dean waved when they left._

✻✻✻✻✻✻

“Ngh, Dean.” Cas moaned.

The sun was coming up and it seemed Dean's restlessness carried from the night before. "Morin'" he laughed and bit down softly on Cas' collarbone.  

"Why are you up so early?" Cas grumbled when he looked at the time.

"Why not?"

"Because it's the weekend and our plans are literally to sit and do nothing."

"Sounds busy, we better get started."

"Dean." Castiel said in a low voice.

He couldn't tell if it was annoyance or not but he didn't care. "You're mine today, Novak."

"So possessive." Cas accused but kissed him, "Your bed head is adorable."

"You're one to talk. Mr. Sex hair. No. Mayor Sex hair."

"Don't be jealous."

Dean giggled and snuggled closer, "Really, you can go back to sleep if you'd like. I can make some coffee for whenever you wanna get up."

"It's okay." Cas yawned, "We can go eat."

"I knew you were awesome."

Dean poked his head out his bedroom to make sure the coast was clear. Then tugged Cas out by the hand and downstairs. Sam was already in the kitchen, halfway through his own bowl of cereal and gave a half wave to them.

"Hey." Sam said with a tired smile. "Dad isn't back yet. So..."

"Awesome. Hey. You wanna drive us to Cas' place and you could take Baby today to Jess'."

"Are you sick?" Sam asked wrinkling his nose.

"What? No.."

"You never let me take her."

"Call it a one time thing."

Sam rolled his eyes and looked at Cas pointedly. "You keep takin good care of him."

Cas nodded and proceeded to poke around the kitchen until he found the coffee maker, once a pot had started he sat next to Sam and patted the seat next to him for Dean to join.

After a pop tart from the pantry he sat next to his boyfriend and lazily ran his hand up and down Cas' back. He felt bad that he'd dragged Cas out of bed so he didn't bother trying to start a conversation with him, there was no way Cas was that awake, instead he asked Sam about Jess and let Cas do his thing.

Two cups of coffee later, Cas laced his fingers with Dean's and laid his head on his shoulder. "So. Freckles. What did you wanna do today?"  

"Freckles?!" Dean gasped, "Of all the cute nicknames you could use? After all my adorable ones for you, you pick freckles?"

"Yeah." Cas said plainly. "You have freckles in the weirdest places."

"Ew." Sam added.

Dean felt his face go warm. "Shuddap Sam."

"Not anything gross...well actually there too ...but I'm talking about like on your knees they cluster, and your knuckles, and there is this pattern on your back-"

"Okay! Stop!" Sam said putting his hands up in surrender, "Just stop."

Dean was sure he was blushing this time. "Okay fine, but I'm calling you sex hair."

"Fair enough." Cas giggled and kissed him softly.

Dean cupped Cas face and kissed him slowly, loving the other's touch. It wasn't until Cas slipped tongue and Sam complained that he pulled apart,  "I guess Sammy is a G-rated person."

"No." Sam argued, "You're just my brother and it's gross."

"C'mon Sammy. We're not that bad."

"I don't know about that." Cas grinned, "You're a very handsy person."

"My point!" Sam exclaimed.

"Whatever." Dean rolled his eyes at his brother then turned to Cas, "I guess I won't be handsy with you today then."

"I would be quite opposed to that."

"Guys." Sam sighed, "I'm gonna go shower then you guys are going to frikin Cas' house where you can touch each other all day. Jesus."

Once Sam's footsteps were heard overhead he smiled at his boyfriend, "Nice work. Now kiss me you dork."

"I can't argue with that."

Too soon, Sam appeared back in the room and through a coat at Dean to get his attention. Dean let Sammy drive so he could sit in the back with Cas. Earning many teasing remarks from his brother, but he didn't care. He had a whole weekend with Cas and no amount of sassy comments was going to ruin his mood. Just for good measure Dean put a hand on Cas' thigh and kissed his neck.

"Dean." Cas laughed, and blushed, "You can't wait two minutes?"

"Nope."

Apparently he could wait that long, but Cas couldn't. As soon as they had closed the front door behind them, Dean found himself pushed back against the now closed door. "You had it backwards this morning, you're mine today Winchester."

Dean didn't think he'd ever get used to kissing Cas. Just when he thought he thought it couldn't get better it always did. He couldn't or wouldn't ever tell even Sammy, but he loved when Cas took control like he was doing now. It was all he could do to remain standing when kissing him.

"Shit, Cas."

"Well." Castiel whispered in his ear, "What would you like to do today?"

"I uh...uh." Dean had lost any train of thought he had, "This." He managed and wrapped his hands around Cas' waist and tugged his hips closer against his own.

"Good." Cas laughed against his lips then pulled him to the couch.


	48. Chapter 48

Cas thought he was probably being a little too forward with Dean but there was some portion of his brain that didn’t care. Dean was kissing him and nothing else mattered. “Dean.” He spoke softly, hoping it wasn’t too near a whimper. Half hard he tried to lift his hips to try to pace himself but Dean tugged at his belt loops and pulled him closer.

“Where do you think you’re goin?” Dean chuckled. “I thought this was the plan for the day.”

“Oh. It is.” Cas assured him, “I just...I don’t want it to be over too quickly.”

“Alllll day.” Dean laughed and kissed him.

“What am I gonna do with you?” Cas asked and rolled their hips, getting a soft moan from his boyfriend. “Would you like to take this upstairs? The bed has quite a lot of room for a variety of activities.”

“No need to convince me twice about getting back in bed on a Saturday.” Dean mused and sat up, nearly colliding their heads.

“Far too eager.” Cas smiled but let Dean up. Looking like a child at Christmas, Dean pulled him along up the stairs. “You have a very nice butt.” Cas said when they reached the top of the stairs.

“Don’t objectify me.”

Laughing, he tugged Dean with him down onto the bed. He wasn’t sure that they were ready to go as far as he would’ve liked, but he would be patient and do whatever Dean wanted to keep him happy. “I won’t apologize for that one. You’re gorgeous.”

Dean blushed violently, and turned his head away, unable to look at him in the eye. “Cas...that’s so embarrassing.”

“Will you at least take off that shirt?” Dean pouted.

“Only if yours goes as well.” Cas laughed and tugged his shirt up over his head and tossed it aside. Dean threw his to the floor as well then looked at Cas.

“Will you quit staring at me like that…” He said still not looking at him, his face turning a light shade of red.

“Dean. It’s literally just me with you. Who do you have to be embarrassed for? You are, you’re gorgeous. Your nose.” He kissed him softly on the nose then everywhere else he could think, “Your jaw. Your shoulders, your chest, your hips…”

“Cas.” Dean whispered, “Are you really gonna-”

He hadn’t lied to Dean earlier, he really wanted to take his time. He looked at Dean then pulled down his jeans, and stroked Dean’s already hard cock. Dean’s hips jerked, and Cas felt a spark of lust. ‘ _This is gonna be harder than I thought._ ’ Cas contemplated as he continued to stroke Dean, twisting his hand just enough to give Dean the pleasure of friction. As soon as Dean leaned his head back, Cas bent down and took Dean in his mouth. They’d only done this a few times, and he always got nervous Dean would panic and leave. Slowly, he bobbed his head, trying to keep his eyes on Dean in case there was any sign of uncertainty.

“Fuck. Cas.”

Castiel hummed on his cock and let his fingers trace over Dean’s thighs, ghosting over them, then wrapped his hands around Dean’s waist and gave a soft squeeze to Dean’s ass. A jerk of Dean’s hips told him he was doing well and he closed his eyes. Focusing everything on Dean’s pleasure and happiness.

“Cas.” Dean repeated, this time more breathless. “This isn’t fair.”

Feeling content, Cas hollowed his cheeks then raised his head slowly off. “Why’s that?” he asked innocently, and licked the tip of Dean’s dick. “I think I was being quite nice.”

Dean moaned, “My...fuck...my turn.”

“That’s not fair.” Cas argued, but agreed. Dean was always shy whenever they tried anything really physical, and if Dean said he wanted to try, then who was he to stop him. Dean looked a little scared but determined, Castiel tried not to smile and shrugged off his jeans. “Where would you like me?” he teased and watched Dean’s face flush once again.

“You’re fine...there....ya know...standing.” Dean said awkwardly, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head.

“Are you sure…?”

“Why?” Dean’s eyebrows furrowed, “cuz, if that’s not normal or whatever then-”

“Dean.” Cas comforted, kissing him gently, “You’re perfect.”

“Caaaaas.” Dean groaned, “That is so not manly.”

“We’re literally two dudes sucking each other off...how is that less manly? If anything. It’s double manly.”

“Caaaas.” Dean complained and leaned his head onto his stomach. “You just totally killed the mood.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Cas laughed. “Let’s just...lay here then.” Cas offered, “We can watch Tangled.”

“You know me too well.” Dean laughed and crawled under the blankets. then patted the pillow beside him, “We can make out at the scary parts.”

“I have to put the movie in...also. What scary parts are in Tangled? The horse? I know you don’t get along well with them.”

“Shuddap, if you were as tall as me you would be totally afraid too.”

“Uh-huh. So it is the horse? I gotta say, I think Maximus is quite cute.”

“Kinky.”

Cas rolled his eyes and found the movie easily, he put it in then turned to see Dean checking out his ass. “It’s all real baby.”

Dean flushed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just get over here.”

“Sure thing, Freckles.”

A pillow made contact with his face knocking off his glasses. “I deserved that one didn’t I?”

“Hell yes. Now put on my movie.”

“God, you’re five years old.”

Finally, he made his way back to his bed and curled next to Dean. “You look just like her.”

“What?”

“Green eyes...all pretty like.”

Dean rolled his eyes and turned his eyes back to the screen but hugged Cas’ hand that was around his chest. “I like being the little spoon.” Dean said softly, more to himself than to him.

Not even thirty minutes into the movie Cas found that Dean had fallen asleep. He wondered if Dean hadn’t slept well, but carefully pulled his arm away and pulling the blanket further up on him. He kissed his forehead and crawled out of bed. He pulled on some sweatpants and opened the door softly to make sure he wouldn’t wake Dean.

He wandered into the kitchen and decided to make some cookies. He found his favorite chocolate chip recipe and set to work. Just as they were going into the oven he saw his mother walk into the room. She was still dressed in her work clothes and he looked quickly at the time. “You’re back early.” He greeted her with a smile.

“Yeah...I figured they can live without me for another twenty four hours. What’s up with the cookies?”

“Oh. I’ll clean up the mess. I just...well Dean is over and I thought he would like some when he wakes up…”

“Did he sleep here?” She asked, “I don’t remember hearing you guys last night.”

Castiel felt his face heat up, “No. We spent the night at his house...Sam dropped us off here this morning.”

“That’s fun.” Anna said and yawned, “Do you mind if I take a nap as well?”

“Not at all. I can clean up a little bit. So don’t worry about that either.”

“You’re too good for me, Angel.” She said and kissed him on the head, “I’ll see you in a little bit. Let’s make dinner for Dean...what do you think...pasta?”

“Yes. I’m sure he’d like that...I think I still have some pasta sauce...I’ll go buy some vegetables, it’ll be great.”

“Whatever you think is best.” Anna smiled then took her leave.

Once again he was left alone in the silence of the house. while waiting for the dessert to bake he dug his phone out from his coat by the door to see if he’d missed any messages. There was a few from Charlie asking where he was, guiltily he texted her back and told her what was going on. Then made a promise to hang out with her tomorrow. He had two other messages. One was from Balthazar again, and the other from Kevin. Curious at the second one he opened it.

(978) 432-6789: Hey Cas! Dean wasn’t answering his phone so I figured he must be with you. I just wanted to thank him. Give him a hug for me. Also, I wanted to invite you guys to go with us to the dance.  Adam thinks it’s going to be awkward so I convinced him to go...but only if you guys are there. Let me know. :) -Kevin.

Smiling, he texted Kevin back and let him know that they would love to go with them, he also added that Charlie was going as well. There was a beep from the kitchen alerting him that his cookies were done and he skipped back in. Aside, from the annoyance of Balthazar, everything was going great and he couldn’t help but feel a ball of warmth bubble within him and smile as he finished his baking.  

As the second tray came out, Dean stumbled into the room. He had found a pair of Cas' shorts and an old gray shirt. Cas noted his clothes looked adorable on the other and grinned when Dean sat lazily at the barstool.

"Why'd you let me sleep?" Dean asked through a yawn.

"Well, you seemed tired."

"But I missed you." Dean whined.

"That's why I made cookies." Cas turned and grabbed a plate.

Dean raised an eyebrow then took one, "You got bored and made cookies?"

"You're the one who said it's creepy when I watch you sleep."

"It is!"

Cas set the plate back down, "Kevin texted me."

"Oh? Whad e want?" Dean asked through a full mouth.

"Adam and him are going to the dance, he asked if they could join us."

"Jesus. So it's gonna be Jo n Vic, Charlie and what's her bucket, Jess n Sam, me n you and Kevin and Adam?"

"So?"

"That's ten people!"

"Yeah. It's gonna be fun. You're gonna get all sexy like in a suit, we're gonna dance then I'm dragging you back here to take it all off."

Dean smiled at him, "You think I'm that easy?"

"Not for anyone but me."

"You got me there."

Castiel wanted to announce right then and there that he loved him, but the words stopped in his throat, instead he laughed and rounded the counter to kiss him. Perhaps if his words wouldn't speak his actions would. Dean relaxed into the kiss and put on hand on his thigh, tracing down to his knee and back up.

"You wanna go to the store?" Cas asked, changing the subject before those three words slipped out anyway.

"Sure? I mean I think we should shower first."

"True. C'mon! I'll race ya."

"What about the oven? Is it off? Cas?! Wait!!"

Already up the stairs he yelled to Dean it was fine and entered the bathroom then waited for Dean to catch up. Seconds later, Dean pushed open the door, breathing heavily.

"What the hell did we run up here for?"

Castiel answered him with a kiss. "I wanted to shower with you before my mom wakes up."

Color drained from Dean's face, drawing out his freckles just as much as when his face was bright red. "She's-she's here?"

"Yeah, it's no big-"

"What? Is she gonna...? I mean...us...in the shower? What's she-"

"Dean." Cas said cutting him off and peeling off his sweatpants. "You getting in or not?"

Dean grumbled some more about being caught in an awkward situation but pulled off his outfit as well. Cas rolled his eyes and turned on the hot water, and put his head under the steady flow and peeked an eye open at Dean who stood with his hands in front of him.

"You know, my mom isn't going to walk into the bathroom when the shower is on."

Dean huffed, "You have a glass door. It's revealing."

Cas laughed and pulled him under the spray. "Just me, promise."

"You sure make a lot of promises."

"I'm honest." Cas shrugged and grabbed the bottle of body wash in the corner, "Want some?"

"Depends on your definition of 'some.'" Dean hinted.

"The soap."

"Yes."

Letting Dean wash first, he stood back and watched the other. He could tell Dean still felt awkward under his gaze and tried to look away. Unfortunately, there wasn't much else to look at. When Dean turned away from him, he found himself staring at his back and down. He blushed when he realized where his mind was going and started a conversation about Disney movies.

"Why are you talking about the Aristocats?" Dean asked laughing a little.

Castiel felt his face burn, "I uh, just making conversation."

"You think I'm hot?" Dean raised an eyebrow, "I'm your boyfriend. It's okay to look."

"It's not the looking I'm having trouble with...it's what follows."

"Shower sex? It's too slippery in my opinion." Dean said like he was talking about the weather.

Unable to resist, Cas found himself tracing Dean's spine when he turned around again. A shiver visibly went through him and Castiel smiled, kissed the back of his shoulder and apologized.

"I just wasn't expecting..." Dean said softly and leaned back onto him, "I don't mind...I mean...if you want..."

That was all the invitation he needed. Slipping a hand around Dean's waist he started kissing his neck, aiming for every freckle he could see. He slowed when he started stroking Dean's half hard shaft, just in case, then moaned when Dean rolled his hips back onto his already hard cock.

"Dean." He grunted and tightened his grip on Dean. "That's...ah, fuck."

Dean laughed and let himself be touched, "You're so hot when you swear."

Cas rocked against the other and pulled him closer against him, "You talk so much."

"Okay. You ruined-ngh-the last-fuck, Cas."

Any sense of restriction he had was gone, he let himself fully hug Dean to him. "You have a perfect ass, Dean." He whispered in his ear and paced his movements with his hand still wrapped on Dean's cock. "You're so sexy."

"You're making me blush. You dork." Dean said in a heavy voice, "Fuck. I swear Cas."

"Good," Cas laughed and began kissing Dean's neck once again, "I want you."

"I don't-ah fuck-see how you don't have me."

"Mmm, you have a point." He muttered and slowed his pace, to tease his lover. "Will you let me suck you off?"

Dean nodded but didn't answer. "Better hurry before we're out of hot water." He noted and turned to face him, his green eyes were now mostly dark with lust and Cas felt his dick twitch at the sight.

"Of course." Cas smiled and kneeled. He stroked Dean first with one hand and let the other play with his balls. "I'll make it quick."

When Dean began to jerk himself forward, he stopped and looked at him once before taking him in his mouth. He started by simply playing with the tip with his tongue then licked slowly up, starting from balls to tip, then hummed as he took him fully in his mouth once more.

"Cas. I'm close." Dean gasped and grabbed his hair.

Grinning, Cas hollowed his cheeks and let Dean fuck his mouth, while he squeezed his ass pulling him forward. Dean's movements became irregular and in seconds Cas felt warm cum slide down his throat as Dean stopped.

Castiel swallowed all he could then stood to hold Dean as he was coming down. "You're so good, baby."

"My." Dean took a deep breath, "My turn."

"You don't have-"

Dean pushed him back against the far wall of the shower and got on his knees in one swift motion. Dean stared at him then smirked and began playing with his cock. It was hard to tell if Dean was licking his precome or if the water was simply running over his tip but regardless he let his head rest against the cool wall while Dean swallowed him. He grabbed Dean's short hair but didn't rock his hips. Letting Dean take control over the pace. Every so often Dean's teeth would scrape lightly on his dick making him twitch but Dean always made up for this with effort. He felt his release boiling and pulled Dean's head closer.

"Fuck. Dean."

Dean pushed back and let Cas' cum cover his face. There was a small giggle from Dean when he stood back up. "I think I'm getting better."

Castiel nodded, not able to put together speech yet. Gently he pushed Dean back into the fading hot water to rinse them off, but couldn't help but kiss him when Dean wrinkled his nose as cum fell from his forehead down over his eyes.

"Sorry." He apologized and wiped away any other trace on Dean's face.

"Eh. It's worth it." Dean laughed and kissed him slowly. "Caaas. I-"

"Cold!" Cas squealed and hurried out before Dean could finish what he was saying.

"Jesus!!" Dean screamed behind him and nearly tripped when they collided.

"We should probably get dressed."

"Yeah...can I borrow some clothes?"

"No." Cas said rolling his eyes, "You have to go nude today."

"Shuddap." Dean scoffed and pushed him lightly.

"Here." Cas handed his boyfriend a towel and wrapped one around himself and wandered to his room to find some clothes to fit the taller boy.

He pulled a red sweater that was always a couple sizes too big and the one pair of jeans that Dean had left there. Then strode to his dresser to grab them each a pair of boxers. Pulling his underwear on his threw the rest of the gathered clothes to Dean who had just walked in the room.

"Red?"

"Yeah. You look nice in red."

"Okay...then you're wearing that dark blue pullover."

"But it's itchy!"

"You won't wear it all day." Dean winked at him and pulled on his given outfit.

"Fine," Cas seceded and grabbed the jacket that Dean liked. "But if I wear this for more than four hours, I'm going to have to break up with you."

"Rude." Dean pouted and walked over to kiss him, "You better not, we have a date in like a week."


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst and fluff. Lol. What the hell am I writing.

Dean never liked grocery shopping. It wasn't really buying food to cook, it was paying for food to cook. Even though he wasn't buying anything personally, the same emotion came anyway. He followed Cas down the aisles like a lost dog, leaning his head on the shorter's shoulder whenever they stopped to grab an item from the shelf.

"Did you not sleep well?" Cas asked when they stopped near the pasta.

"I slept alright."

"Should I not have stayed?"

"No. Shit Cas. I just was...thinking. It's all good."

"You sure?"

"It's just normal panic crap. I'll handle it."

"Your dad?" Cas asked softly, barely more than a whisper.

Dean stood up straight and lazily picked up random things in the cart, "Can we not talk about him."

"I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." Dean cut him off and stalked off.

"Dean!" Castiel was calling him but he kept walking.

Bitterly he stood in front of the candy. Aimlessly reading brand names. "Stupid goddamn homophobic prick." He muttered. "Just thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants. Treat people like shit..."

A rustle of plastic nearby caught his attention. A small kid, probably no older than four was staring at him wide eyed. When Dean raised an eyebrow at him, he hid behind a stand of cotton candy. "Kid. I can see you." He said in a tired voice. "Whatta want?"

"Do you know my mom?" The boy asked softly.

"Uh..."

"I can't find her."

Dean kicked at the floor, then walked over, "What color of hair does she have?"

"She has hair like yours."

"Brown?"

"Yeah...but it looks like mine too." The boy said taking a strand of his own blond hair.

"Alright." Dean nodded and held a hand out for the boy to take. "What's your name?"

"Zachary." The boy said in a stronger voice. "Are you gonna find my mommy?"

"Yeah Zack. Let's go get her."

Three aisles over, Dean found a woman looking through the toys frantically. "That her?" Dean asked.

Zachary let go of Dean's hand and ran towards the woman yelling for his mother. He couldn't help but smile when the two embraced. The woman gave him a soft wave and hugged her boy closer.

"You would make a good daddy." Cas said from behind him.

"Jesus, I swear you just frikin appear places." Dean said surprised.

"Sorry..." Cas apologized.

Dean laced their hands, "No. I'm sorry. I just...I have a shit temper."

Cas squeezed his hand and smiled, "But you're cute so you can stay." He teased then pulled Dean along with him towards the checkout at the front of the store.

"Did you ever want kids?" Dean asked, just loud enough for his boyfriend to hear.

"What do you mean 'did'? Why can't I?"

"I dunno if you know much about how making a baby works but-"

"I can adopt." Cas shrugged. "It would be nice to raise a child."

"Yeah?"

"Don't you?"

"Well. I dunno, I mean yeah and no. What happens if they're a good for nothin like me?"

Cas turned and looked at him, he hated that look, it was so honest. "Dean. You can be any kind of person you want to be. And your children will love you."

"You're so cheesy."

"But that's why you love me." Cas giggled and began putting their items on the belt.

Dean's voice stuck in his throat. He couldn't argue with him on that one. He wasn't sure it was love but it was definitely something more than he felt for anyone else. He watched Cas unable to speak. Cas was handing money to the cashier and smiling like he had never frowned a day in his life. "I do..." He whispered to himself and followed silently to the car.

As if nothing was different Cas began humming along to the radio, while he stared purposely out the window. ' _What the hell? I don't...love...Cas...I mean...I dunno. I can't. I've never even said that to Sam.'_

Dean looked over quickly at Cas, still humming and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. His mind wandered thinking about those fingers; playing with his hair, tracing over his lips, tangling with his own, caressing his face.

"Cas." Dean said, finally getting out a word. Cas turned and looked at his quizzically. "I uh...I think..."

"Pie?" Cas asked tilting his head.

Dean smiled, better subject, easier. "Yeah...can we get some on the way back?"

"Better. We're gonna make one."

"I could kiss you right now."

"No one is stopping you." Cas laughed, pulling into the driveway.

That was more than enough invitation. As soon as the car was in park, he grabbed Cas' face and kissed him hard. Kissed him as if to get all those feelings that were eating at him. "Cas." He whispered when he pulled away.

"Me too." Castiel smiled at stared at him a minute more before opening his door.

"You do?"

"Don't...don't you?"

"Hell yes."

"Glad we had this talk. Wanna go make some dinner?"

"Yes please."

✻✻✻✻✻✻

' _Don't panic. You got this Winchester.'_ Dean sat around Cas' table with his mother. "So...uh...how's things?"

Anna looked up at him while twirling her fork in the pasta they made. "Things are good." She smiled, "You and Castiel seem to be getting along."

Dean returned the smile, "Yeah. He's pretty great." He wanted to know how she was doing mentally but dare bring that up. He wouldn't even thought of it but Cas had brought her a small ramekin with pills in it and his mind skipped back to her laying in a hospital bed. He swallowed deeply, then cleared his throat. "Thank you for having me."

Cas smiled at him and held a hand for him to hold, "Whenever you'd like, promise."

"Course," Anna agreed, "Wouldn't it be great if we had Sam over sometime too?"

"I'm sure he'd love it." Before Anna could answer, there was a ring from the other room. Castiel excused himself and went into the other room.

Dean shifted in his seat, parents never seemed to like him much and it was strange having one that wanted to talk to him. This made it difficult to even know what to say. He almost brought up something completely irrelevant when Cas shouted from the other room.

"I SAID NO!" Cas' voice shook and Anna's hand covered her mouth.

"I'll uh..." Dean started, "I'll-"

"FUCK YOU!" Castiel yelled in the other room and his voice cracked.

Dean stood by the table, unsure if he was wanted then heard the front door slam. He winced and looked at Cas' mother. Her hand was shaking slightly but she gave a tired smile to him. "It's probably Balthazar."

"Why-or uh-"

"He's been texting him a lot lately."

"Oh..." Dean shifted, "I knew he had texted him...I didn't know it was that persistent." Anna nodded and picked up her plate as well as Cas'. Dean asked if she wanted help but she shook her head.

Excusing himself he ran out the door after Cas, hoping he was still somewhere close. After a quick look around the yard with no luck he doubled back inside and grabbed their coats, pulling on his own then tucking the other under his arm.

He started off to the first place he could think of. "Better be there. Freezing my ass off..." He complained and headed to the park. Snow began to fall and he hugged his coat closer; reaching his destination he trodded into the park. As he suspected, Cas was sitting on a swing and kicking the snow as he pushed off.

Without saying anything he took the coat he carried and put it on his boyfriend's shoulder then sat on a swing next to him.

"Thanks..." Castiel whispered and slowed his swinging, "Was my mother upset?"

"She seemed all right." Dean said just as softly, "Are you?"

"I'm fine." Cas said curtly.

"Sorry." Dean replied quickly. "It's not your fault you know. That asshat is a dick."

"No. No. I'm sorry." Cas kicked the snow harder, "I-he-he won't leave me alone."

"Do I need to kick his ass?" Dean asked softly. When he didn't answer he spoke again, "Take all the time you need, man. I'll wait for the details."

Cas looked up at him with tears in his eyes, "I know...I know I'm not the best to live with."

"Cas..."

"I'm distant and I don't share everything! I'm stupid and useless. I get angry but I just run away. I'm selfish-"

Dean stood quickly, and nearly jumped in front of a swinging Castiel. With both hands he grabbed the chains of the swing. "Stop! Stop!"

Cas looked up at him tears now streaming. "Dean..."

"Stop." Dean said softer. He leaned down and kissed Cas, just enough to let their lips brush. "Stop. You're none of those things."

"I am!"

"Don't." Dean said more firmly, letting go of the swing and grabbing Cas' face. "Why would you say any of those things?"

"Cuz they're true."

"Cas. Hell. Castiel. Hey. Look at me. You're kind, you're hella smart, you're gorgeous. You are in no way selfish; look at everything you do for your mom, does that seem selfish? And who the hell cares if you run away from your problems, I do too."

"Dean."

"Look. I-I don't know much. Hell, I'm fucking stupid. But I do know a few things. One, I love my family. Two, I'm gonna kick this fucker's ass for hurting you again. Three, I'm pretty sure...I-I love you." Dean's heart sped, and he couldn't swallow. "I'm sorry. I was kinda hoping to give some cute reveal and here I'm fucking it up in some stupid storm with my feet freezing, rambling about God knows what..." Dean searched Cas' eyes but they were still watery. "C'mon Cas...will you at least tell me what the hell happened?"

"I love-," Cas said softly. "I love you too."

"Thank god. Now will you put on your damn coat that I brought all the way out here?"

Cas smiled faintly and slipped his hands into his coat then rubbed his eyes, "You're not stupid."

"I'm not too sure on that..."

Cas kissed him, cupping his face, "And you didn't fuck anything up. You're so cute."

"C'mon that's so not manly." Dean grumbled but kissed him back. His lips tasted like salty from his tears but he couldn't care less. He stroked his cheek and kissed everywhere he could see tear marks.

"You worry too much." Castiel huffed and rubbed his cheek, "Thank you...for coming to get me..."

"Yeah. Boyfriend of the year, now what the hell am I gonna be beating your stupid ex for?"

"He...it doesn't matter."

"Cas. Come on."

"Can we watch a Disney movie? And cuddle?"

Dean smiled, "You know the rule, no frikin Brother Bear or that damn Fox and the Hound movie."

"I promise." Cas laughed still choking a little on his tears. "How about Hercules?"

"Love that one." Dean smirked. "But you're tellin me. Maybe not right now...or even in a week but damn, Cas you can't keep it bundled. 'Kay?"

"Promise."


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm nearing the end of this one. I think I just have a few more chapters...
> 
> I'm gonna miss writing this, but I may do a sequel? I dunno yet.

Castiel laid next to Dean who had finally fallen asleep. He smiled when he thought about what he'd told him. He stroked Dean's hair then kissed his temple.

"You're too good for me." He whispered and shifted closer, wrapping his arms around the other.

Despite the comfort he was in physically, mentally he was racking his head. Balthazar's taunts were still on replay in his mind; ' _You think it'll last longer with Dean than it did with me?_ ' ' _Cassie, I thought you were smarter than this._ ' ' _You're just going to come back, why not skip to the last verse?_ '

Cas shook his head, ' _No. No. No one is going to treat me like that anymore._ ' Squeezing the blanket, he gritted his teeth and tried to slow his breathing down.

"Caaas." Dean mumbled, still sound asleep.

His mind stopped racing, ' _He loves me._ ' Smiling, he closed his eyes and let his mind relax. Even if things didn't work out with Dean there was no reason to panic about it now, ' _One day at a time. I got this. I've got this._ ' He consoled himself and fell asleep.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

“Dean?” Cas asked the next morning at breakfast. Dean looked up and gave a short nod to let him know he was listening. “Would it be okay if…” Dean stared at him waiting for him to finish. “I feel bad asking...would it be okay if we hung out with my mom today? I mean we don’t have to...and well...I get if you don’t wanna stick around.”

“Sure, why don’t we bring Sam over and we can make dinner again. Your mom wanted to invite him over right?”

“That’s true, but are you sure? I would feel bad making you stick around.”

“Nah, I like your mom.” Dean said shoveling a couple spoonfuls of cereal, “‘Sides, not like me or Sammy wants to sit with my ass of a father.”

“True.”

“What’s your mom’s favorite meal? We should totally go all out.”

Castiel smiled at Dean, his chest felt tight, “Thanks Dean. That sounds great. We’ll need to go to the store again if we’re gonna make her favorite, and to make up for yesterday we can make that pie I promised you.”

“Sweet. Let’s clean up and go get Sam?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Castiel agreed and grabbed Dean’s empty bowl before he could stand up. “I got these. You wanna go shower?”

“Aw, no shower play today?” Dean asked with wink.

Castiel blushed but shooed Dean, “If you do something everyday it’s no longer a treat.”

“Oh really?”

“Yea-” Cas started but Dean stopped him with a kiss. Cas set down the two bowls and kissed Dean back, he wrapped his fingers in Dean’s short hair and smiled.

“See. I feel like _that_ isn’t going away anytime soon.”

Cas swayed on his feet a little, “You’ve got me there. Now, go shower or I’m gonna have to sit you on that counter and keep kissing you.”

“I wouldn’t be oppoooosed.” Dean cooed and kissed him lightly.

“Deeeean. Go upstairs.”

“Such a stick in the mud.” Dean sighed, “I’ll just have to get off without you then.”

“Deeeaan. Stop, I have to clean, and make a list, and go through a cookbook.”

“You think too much.”

Another kiss and Cas was sure Dean would have him up there with him, to deter himself he turned around and began scrubbing the bowls he had. Dean stood right behind him and just breathed softly on his neck. A shiver went down his spine, “You’re killing me.” Cas twitched, and then spun around and grabbed him by the waist, “You...you…”

“You love me.” Dean laughed, and kissed him.

“Well yes.” Cas agreed and placed a kiss on Dean’s jaw, “but that’s not what I was going to say.”

“Oh really?”

“Mmmhmm.” Cas hummed, “You’re too tall. Sit.”  He finished and pushed Dean softly towards the bar stool. Dean sat and waited patiently for Cas to kiss him, smiling, he stepped between Dean’s legs and held his chin firmly then kissed him. Kissing Dean seemed to make his other worries dissipate. His favorite thing was to find that spot on Dean’s ribs where he was ticklish and just trace it with his fingers, until Dean smiled against his lips. “Now go shower.” He laughed at stood back.

“Dammit.” Dean breathed, “Now who is killing who.”

“Whom.” Castiel corrected, “Really, I don’t want my mother to come down while I’m trying not to strip you down right here.”

“Kinky.”

“Dean.”

“Alright. I’m going…” Dean pouted and slid off the chair and went upstairs making sure to turn around and pout and him every few feet.

Minutes later, he heard the water going upstairs and shook his head. If he was in there for more than ten minutes he’d know if Dean was really getting off or not. Part of him wished he wouldn’t so he could do it for him. He got chills thinking about it and had to distract himself with getting out a cookbook so he could write down the ingredients they would need. He poked his head through cupboards to see what they had and cross them off the shopping list. He just finished when a drop of water fell on his head. Curious, he looked up to see Dean smiling at him, hair still dripping from his shower.

“Hey Babe, you ready?”

“Dean, you’re not even wearing a shirt.”

“I missed you in the shower,” Dean changed the subject like he hadn’t spoken, “I just wanted to see if you wanted to uh, well...I didn’t want to put on a shirt unless we weren’t gonna…”

“I’ll meet you upstairs,” Cas laughed and booped Dean’s nose, “You’re so...so...I don’t even know.”

“I think I’m adorable.” Dean smirked, “Don’t be too long.” he whispered and kissed behind his ear.

“I’m coming,” he insisted and got up to follow right behind Dean all the way up the stairs, “You have such a great ass.”

“Cas, you’re gonna make me blush.”

Once in his room he kissed Dean, “Lay on the bed, Freckles.”

“I really don’t like that.” Dean pouted.

Cas giggled, “What would you like me to call you?”

“Sweetums.” Dean said sarcastically.

Castiel hummed, and pulled the sandy-haired boy down with him. “We can discuss it later.”

“Okay, babe.”

Cas flipped Dean onto his back and began kissing his neck while lacing their hands above Dean’s head making the other moan. “That. Is my favorite noise.” Cas admitted and rocked his hips down to meet Dean’s.

“Cas.” Dean gasped.

“Sssshhh.” Castiel said looking into the large pupils in front of him with little rims of green around them. “You’re so gorgeous.” Dean moaned, making him harder in his pants than he thought he would be. “I’m glad you waited.” he whispered in Dean’s ear then kissed slowly down to his stomach. He smiled at Dean’s writhing and slid his hands under the rim of Dean’s pants and slid them to the floor. Smug from Dean’s already hard cock he teased the tip of it then licked from his balls up,, then sucked on just the head tasting Dean’s precome.

“Ah, fuck. I’m glad-shit-I waited too.”

Cas took his full length in his mouth and hummed on the weight of it on his tongue, then put his hands on Dean’s hips, knowing he’d try to move. When he met resistance Dean grabbed Cas' hair instead. Unable to resist anymore, Castiel grabbed his own hard cock and began stroking himself.

"Cas." Dean gasped, "Get back up here. And for fuck's sake, why are you wearing clothes."

Stripping down, Castiel climbed into bed with Dean, savoring the feel of their bodies flush with one another. Snaking one hand between them he grabbed both their shafts and stroked them, while kissing Dean's neck. Dean was breathing heavily sending shivers down his spine.

"I'm so close." Cas muttered into Dean's shoulder.

"Ah fuck, me too. God Cas." Dean gritted and tightened his grip around his back. He was sure that was going to leave a mark but he couldn't care less.

He felt his orgasm rising and he let himself come, shaking, he held himself above Dean. Partly so he wouldn't weigh him, partly to watch Dean's face when he reached his peak. As always, Dean's head rolled back and his mouth opened in a wide 'O' then shook once and Castiel felt the familiar texture of cum leak over his fingers. Dean traced his chest then kissed it slowly upwards until he reached his mouth.

"I love you." Dean cooed in his ear. "God I love you."

"I love you Dean Winchester. I love you. I. Love. you." He said kissing Dean every other word.

"You always gotta one up me. Don't cha?"

Cas laughed and buried his face into his lover's neck. "No," he mumbled against his skin, "I just say what's on my mind."

"Oh really?"

"For example. You missed a phone call a few minutes ago but I had your dick in my mouth so I couldn't tell you that your phone was vibrating."

"Jesus." Dean laughed and rolled his eyes then untangled himself.

Cas couldn't help but stare at Dean's ass when he went to get his phone across the room, his tired dick twitch and he tried focusing on something else by turning into his back and staring at his ceiling.

"Shit. It was Sam."

"Call him."

Dean walked back to the bed and curled up next to him, the phone already next to his ear, "I love that you're so fuckin smart Cas."

"I'm gonna grab a towel to clean up," he told Dean ignoring his taunt and kissing him lightly, "Be right back." He said against his lips and got out of bed and searched for the first pair of sweats he could find, then went to the hallway to find a towel his mother wouldn't miss. Just as he found one he heard Dean in his room.

"Are you fuckin serious?! I'm coming right now. Jesus, Sam, just stay in your room. I swear I'm gonna kick his ass!"

Cas hurried back into the room finding Dean attempting to put on his jeans but falling over. He went to steady him as he got off the phone with his brother, and wiped down his chest while he was at it. "What happened?"

"I'll tell ya on the way...you can drive me there right?"

"Course." Cas assured him, "Let me find you a shirt though. I think we uh...your other one is dirty."

Dean nodded and continued to clean himself while Cas dug in his dresser. He found a large green shirt and threw it to his boyfriend, and dug out an old black one for himself then went in search of his glasses.

"Under the red shirt by the foot of the bed." Dean answered his unasked question.

"Thank you!"

The boys hurried down the stairs and Cas shouted to his mother that they would be right back. The drive Dean didn't say a word but held his hand, either out of nerves or comfort, Cas couldn't tell which. As they pulled up to the Winchester house, Cas could already tell something was wrong. The porch light was still on, despite it being nearly noon, and all the blinds were shut.

"Hey. Uh. Do you mind sitting out here? I uh-"

"I know." Cas interrupted and kissed Dean's knuckles before he let go of his hand to let him out of the car. He watched Dean's figure disappear in the house, and felt his anxiety spike. He had only ever seen the aftermath of one of John's rages and didn't know how he was going to handle being here without doing anything.

He didn't have to wait long for Sam to come out. The younger Winchester came to the car with a duffle bag and got into Cas' car without any look of surprise and climbed into the back seat.

"Hey Cas." Sam greeted but rested his head on the seat in front of him.

"Sam, what-"

"I'm sure Dean will tell you, but uh, is it okay if we don't talk-" Sam's voice cracked, "about it?"

"Of course." Castiel agreed and turned his attention back to the house, worry growing. "I think I should go in."

"No. No Cas. It'll be fine, Dean told me to wait."

There was sounds of shouting and what sounded like glass breaking. Despite Sam's objections, he couldn't help himself, he got out of the car and walked up to the front door, scared of what he was going to find. He stood only a moment in front of the door then opened it.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING!!!" Dean was about ten feet from him yelling into the kitchen.

As he stepped over the threshold his shoes scuffed against broken glass. He looked up at Dean who hadn't noticed he had walked in.

"A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN YOU, YOU STUPID UNGRATEFUL SHIT." John's voice shook from the other room.

Cas walked to Dean and put a hand on his shoulder and was surprised when he tensed at his touch.

"Jesus. You scared me. Look, will you wait outside...I don't wanna-"

"ANOTHER THING!" John yelled and walked into the living room. Immediately Cas could see John was drunk. He swayed a bit and his eyes were a dark red, "WHAT THE FUCK IS HOMO JR DOIN HERE?"

Cas flinched and stepped back involuntarily. The look in John's eyes was full of anger and his stomach sank when the thought about how calm Dean looked, like this happened all the time.

"You leave Cas out of this."

"Oooooh. Sorry to be a jerk to your fag of a boyfriend."

"I SAID SHUT UP"

"DON'T YELL AT ME DEAN! I'M YOUR GODDAMN FATHER AND I DESERVE RESPECT!"

"I WILL WHEN YOU'VE EARNED IT!"

Cas' eyes widened as his father picked up a lamp and through it at the nearest wall. He sent a silent thank you to whichever God was listening and grabbed Dean's hand without thinking about it.

"YOU TWO ALWAYS WERE TWO LITTLE FAGGOTS. TRIED TO GET THAT ONE OUTTA YOU DEAN BUT THIS KID...HA!"

Castiel felt himself shrink behind Dean, and instantly he felt like his five year old self hiding behind his best friend. He wanted to defend himself but didn't know how. There was no way to predict what John would do, so all he could do was protect Dean.

"Dean." He said quietly, "Let's just go." Dean looked at him and he noticed a small cut under his eye.

"Wait outside for me?"

"I won't leave you." Cas said stubbornly.

"Fine, but meet me in my room. I gotta grab some stuff."

Cas nodded and went upstairs, pausing at the landing waiting for Dean. He began pacing when he heard more throwing of glass and shouting but knew if Dean was capable of yelling then he was still standing and alright.

"Don't you dare have any of that gay sex in my house boy!"

"WHY WOULD I HAVE SEX WITH YOU SITTING LIKE TEN FEET AWAY?!"

There was a shuffle of feet and a hard loud on the wall below. Cas started to go back down but knew Dean would be upset with him. He turned to go back up until he heard what he was dreading. He heard the sound of John's fist on Dean's face and his heart dropped.

"You think this is some joke boy? Get out of my fucking house."

"I fucking plan on it."

There was another pound and Dean cried out just loud enough for him to hear. He was sure it would've been louder had he not been treated like this before. Unable to stand there anymore he went to the foot of the stairs and found Dean shoved up against the wall by the door and John holding him up by his collar. Dean had a split lip and a bloody nose which dropped down onto his shirt.

"Dean." He said, barely making any actual sound.

John turned to look at him then huffed and toss Dean aside into the closet door. "Just get out."

Dean picked himself up and wiped his nose. "Gladly." He sneered and held out a hand for Cas, which he took promptly. "I'm taking Sammy with me, and maybe, MAYBE he'll come back if you sober the fuck up but I swear to God, I swear on my dead mother's grave if you EVER fucking hit him again I will end you myself."

Before his father could answer Dean dragged them out of the house and slammed the door. Cas tightened his grip on Dean's hand and pulled him to a stop when they reached his car. "Dean."

"It's fine."

"Let me look at it?"

Dean rolled his eyes but let him do a quick once over. He brushed away any blood he could see and kissed Dean on the side that wasn't swollen. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop. Stop looking at me like that. Can we just go?"

"Of course." Cas nodded and took the driver's side while he got in the passenger. Sam looked up and Dean with the same worry in his eyes and Dean put his hands in his face and refused to look up the drive back. When they pulled up back to his house, Cas looked at Sam and motioned for him to go in.

"You sure?" Sam asked softly.

Cas nodded and smiled at him, "There's some cookies in the kitchen. Make yourself at home."

"Thanks, Cas." Sam said trying to smile, then gathered his things and got out.

"Are you gonna talk to me?" Castiel asked once Sam had disappeared into the house.

"About?" Dean asked in a rough voice, still looking at the floor.

"Anything." Cas shrugged. "We don't have to talk about this."

"He hit Sammy. He fucking hit Sam. All his goddamn talk about how family is so fucking important and he hurts the good son? Cas. I'm so angry."

Cas' heart sank further and he began to rub circles on Dean's back. "Dean." He said softly and kissed the side of his head.

"I get that he hates me, and I'm okay with that. I mean I have Sammy still and...and I know my mom didn't care who the fuck I liked..." His voice caught and he wiped his eyes, "This is so goddamn stupid Cas. First you're crying cuz that asshat, then I'm crying cuz my fucking fuck of a dad, why can't people just let us be?"

"You...you still want to be with me?" Cas asked confused, "I-I."

Dean looked at him for the first time since his house and raised an eyebrow, "Why wouldn't I?" He sniffed and tried to fix his face to make it seem like he wasn't crying still.

"I just...I mean. I guess...I guess I'm used to people leaving."

"See now _I_ feel bad for _you_."

"How bout we stop feeling bad and try to feel better?"

"Pie?" Dean said trying to screw his face in a smile.

"Anything for you."

"I love you, Castiel." Dean said sincerely, smirking.

"I love you too, Dean."

"Alright. Chick flick moments over. Should we go cheer up Sam?"

"I'll get you a clean shirt, and you can get ice for you two, and we can watch whatever the hell Sammy wants, eat pie, and we'll make my mom dinner."

"See. I fucking love you." Dean smiled and pulled Cas over to kiss him properly.


	51. Chapter 51

For the second time, Dean was gathered at the Novak table without anything to say. Sam sat across from him and ate like this was an everyday thing. Cas had bags under his eyes and Anna kept walking in and out of the kitchen on a business call. She would sit for about five minutes then get up to take a call. This made it difficult to keep a conversation with her. The first few times Cas got a sad look on his face when she answered the phone, after that he zoned out to everything around him. Sam didn't want to talk about anything, which left Dean to awkwardly smile at everyone and hope eventually there would be someone to connect with.

"Hey Dean?" Sam asked after a bout of silence.

"Yes! Sammy, uh, what is it?" He answered quickly, happy that someone was speaking.

"Why didn't you work this weekend?"

Dean choked on his pasta, "Oh. Uh. Bobby...Bobby gave it to me off...so I just hung here. With Cas."

"So...are we gonna be okay next weekend?"

"Yeah Sammy. Don't sweat it. You got a tie you can wear or we gotta get one to match Jess' dress?"

"I have one."

"Sweet."

Cas seemed to awaken from his trance. "That is next week, huh? Did we decide blue or green?"

"How bout gray?" Dean asked, "That way we don't have to choose."

"I like it." Cas smiled and Dean felt his stomach do a flip.

Looking away from Cas, he looked at his food, knowing he was blushing. He could tell Sam was smirking at him but he was saved from taunting by Anna coming back in the room. She sat and brushed a hand through Cas' hair.

"I'm so sorry, Angel. I know you made this for me."

"It's okay mom." Cas smiled. "I know you have things to do." As soon as she looked away his smile fell and he poked at his food.

Dean wished he was sitting next to Cas so he could comfort him, instead all he could do was watch him, and hope his eyes said enough. Ten minutes later, Anna had cleaned her plate, kissed her son goodbye and had walked out the door off for work. Dean got up and moved to her seat do he was next to his boyfriend and took his hand, then asked Sam if he would like to pick a movie while they cleaned up. As soon as Sam left the room he turned to Cas and grabbed his chin, and turning it towards him gently.

"Hey, you alright?"

"I'm fine." Cas said faking another smile.

"C'mon Cas."

"I have no right to complain. My life compared to yours is a dream life."

"You can't measure your sadness based on someone else's trials. Now, this is weird for me bein the touchy feely one. So what's up? So I can go back to being the one that gets taken care of."

Cas smiled at him, a real one, and kissed him. "You have more 'chick flick moments' than you'd like to admit." He laughed and gave a squeeze to his hand. "I guess I'm just bummed I'm always home alone."

"You always have me." Dean grinned mischievously.

"You know what I mean. You have Sammy, and I...I clean my spotless house and...and talk to someone who barely hears what I say. I know it sounds selfish."

Dean leaned into Cas' shoulder and kissed his neck, "Castiel. You're the most selfless person I've ever met."Cas leaned their heads together and Dean felt the other's pulse slow down a bit, "We better hurry or Sam if gonna think we're just makin out in here."

"As you wish." Cas quoted and began picking the dishes left on the table.

Dishes done, they walked hand in hand into the living room and joined Sam on the couch. Dean instantly curled himself into Cas' arms and let himself be held. Sam had chosen an old movie, in black and white. Dean rolled his eyes but Cas exclaimed saying it was one of his favorites. Knowing he'd have no sway on the choice he found his eyes were heavy and he only got bits and pieces of the movie, he fell into a light sleep whenever Cas began to comb his fingers through his hair. Only waking when his brother and boyfriend started commentary on the show. He wasn't sure at what point he actually fell asleep, only that the next time he awoke, Cas was wishing Sam a goodnight and was pulling a blanket over the two of them.

"Dean? I know you're semi conscious." He laughed, "We can sleep here, just let me lay with you."

Obediently, Dean shifted to the side while he got comfortable then snuggled back next to him, letting one hand curl into his shirt. "Your mom isn't gonna be mad we slept on the couch?"

"No, she won't be home until tomorrow night anyway."

"Cas...?"

"Still-" he yawned, "Still here."

"Thank you."

Castiel kissed his forehead and whispered sweet nothings in his ear and told him it was nothing. They lay silent for awhile, neither asleep or awake. "Dean...?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I use you as a model?"

"Cas, I know my ass is great but I don't think it's school appropriate."

"No, you dork." Cas laughed, "You will need your shirt off though."

"What?!"

"You get to keep your pants on."

"I feel like you're laughing at me again." Dean accused and poked his boyfriend in the stomach.

"I just need to have a visual of your back."

"Why?" Dean asked, then realized Cas' hands had been tracing his back the last few minutes. Honestly, it was comforting and relaxing.

"My art project I'm going to turn in to that contest? I think I just found my subject."

Dean blushed, "I-You wanna draw me?"

"Don't worry, your face won't be in it. You're just so...gorgeous."

"I know it's dark and what not but I'm red like an apple right now."

"I'm sorry." Cas apologized truthfully.

"I just have one problem." Dean said, "I uh, I might have a bruise on my ribs...and I'd rather not show that off."

Castiel's hand stopped moving on his back. "We can do it here and not at school. I forgot. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have-"

"It's fine," Dean shrugged, "While I'm posing you can help me with my essay that's due Wednesday."

"I forgot." Cas laughed, "We were gonna work on that this weekend."

"Ah well." Dean sighed dramatically. "I guess we'll have to stop having sex. Oral or any other."

"That's it. We're dropping out." Cas said in a flat voice.

Dean laughed loud enough that it echoed in the quiet house then apologized, "Cas, aw, Cas. What the hell am I gonna do with you?" He asked nuzzling his head into the other's shoulder.

"Hopefully," Cas paused to kiss him. "You keep me around awhile longer."

"I'm thinking a lot longer."

"Now I'm blushing." Cas said with a snort. "Really, Dean, it's like two a.m. we gotta go to bed."

"I hate that you're always right."

"You love it."

Dean hummed in agreement and closed his eyes, he focused on keeping his breath steady and let Cas' scent fill his nose; within minutes, he was asleep.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

The next morning was a lazy start but somehow all three boys were walking to school on time. Cas held his hand loosely and was talking to Sam about something science related, while Dean silently panicked about his face. A bruise had formed just underneath his eye, his lip was no longer swollen but still had a dark scab where it was split. Cas reckoned no one would ask, and if they did, say he got in a fight. They weren't his worst bruises he'd shown up with but now Sammy was sporting one on the side of his head. Every time he saw it he felt his blood boil and he wanted to deal the damage back to his father tenfold.

Before he knew it, Cas was kissing him goodbye, whispering a soft 'love you' in his ear and running off to his first class, leaving Dean standing in the hallway. He watched Cas go around the corner then headed for Auto, not caring if he was late. Per usual, he found a desk near the back and slumped into it. Ignoring everyone around him, including Bobby. He felt a bit bad about that, especially since Bobby had given him the weekend off. He knew he’d have to make it up this week if he was going to have money to get Sam an outfit for the dance. Thinking about it, his own was still at his father’s house and the thought of going back there made him feel worse. Just as he was slipping into a downward spiral of self degrading thoughts a piece of paper hit him in the head. Confused he looked up to see Adam smiling at him. He opened the note and read the message.

“Thanks. I know I took time away from you and your boy’s weekend but I’m real excited to go to the dance with you guys. I know we’re not good friends, hell. You barely know me but I really appreciate it. P.S. Kev is pissed you won’t call him back.”

Dean looked up and smiled at Adam and shrugged, he really didn’t mind helping Adam out, and he felt horrible that he hadn’t talked to Kevin. He pulled out his phone and texted him explaining his weekend and congratulated him on catchin such a hottie; knowing it would make Kevin blush in whatever class he was sitting in. He stifled a laugh and feigned attention towards Bobby who was giving him a mean stare.

As much as he wanted to sit and chat with Adam he wanted to catch Cas before his next class. This involved a lot of squeezing through groups of people and waving quickly to those who shouted to him. He made a left for the art hallway and bumped into Jo.

"Wow." Jo complained, Dean had knocked her books on the floor.

"Sorry, Jo." He said sincerely and bent down to help her pick them up, "Oh, by the way. Uh. Me n Cas invited a few more people..."

"Charlie? Yeah she told me."

"She did!? Cool. But uh, Kev is coming too. I hope that's cool."

"Yeah. No worries. More the merrier."

"Yeah? That's such a relief. You wanna hang out this week? We could double if you want?"

Jo smiled at him, "That sounds great. I'll ask Vic."

Dean said a quick goodbye and raced to Cas' next class. He was already there but Meg seemed to have him backed into a corner. He didn't feel jealousy but rather annoyance and walked up to Cas tugging him by the arm and kissing him slowly. Cas relaxed at his touch and he loved every second. Dramatically he looked to Meg and leaned his head onto Cas' shoulder.

"What's up?" He asked her casually.

She eyed the two then rolled her eyes, "I was talking to Clarence here."

"What?"

"He's an angel in a movie." Cas supplied.

"Ah. Well Meg. He's already got an angel name."

Meg looked at him disdainfully, "Whatever you say pretty boy." and walked away without another word.

Dean laughed, "Cas. I've literally seen you punch that dick Roman in the face for less. Why do you let her do that?"

"I can't punch a girl." Cas shrugged, "Also, she's not being 'mean' exactly, just...persistent."

"I think she's fighting a losing battle."

"Yeah." Cas agreed smiling and kissed him slowly until the bell rang. "I'll see you at lunch."

"Mmk." Dean mumbled on Cas lips and kissed him once more. "Love you."

"I love you too."

Dean grin broadly and Cas had to give him a push so he would move. "I get! I'm going to class." He chuckled and walked through the now empty halls to his History class.

At this point his teacher didn't even say anything when he was late to class. Which was nice because he didn't interrupt the lecture but the other students rolled their eyes at him now. Determined not to let this bother him he took his usual seat and smiled at those who stared at him. Pulling out his notebook he heard someone cough the word 'faggot', and he looked up to see one of Roman's groupies giggling but trying to keep a straight face.

"Do you have something to share with the class?" His teacher interjected sharply to the boy who insulted him.

"No sir." The boy shook his head, "Just for Dean over there."

"He's right." Dean said, smiling but he could feel his blood boil. "I have this really hot boyfriend. I think what this asshole is trying to say is he's jealous he's only got himself to play with."

Laughter filled the room but the teacher silenced them quickly. "Mr. Winchester." He said in a firm voice, "I'm very happy you've found someone you care for but let's not insult each other."

"He started it." Dean huffed and looked down at his notebook.

"If we're done with Drama, I'd like to resume my History lesson now." Dean could feel his teacher staring at him but he refused to look up.

Still angry he scribbled what was on the board and sat through the rest of the class barely listening. When the bell rang, his desk was shoved and his things clamoured to the floor. He glared up to see the fucker from before but only bent over to grab his things. 'It's not worth it.' He told himself and and shoved his belongings in his bag.

Halfway to the lunch room, he was nearly thrown into the wall by Charlie. "Jesus. Can you just greet a person normally?"

"Nope." She mused. "I wanted you to meet my date."

"For Friday?"

"No. For graduation. Of course for Friday."

"Alright. Where is she?"

"Kay, she's super shy so you gotta go to her."

"Charlie," he complained, "I wanted to go meet Cas."

"You were with him all weekend I think you'll live another fifteen minutes."

He agreed but put his head on her shoulder as she led him down the hall. She patted his head and took him into the art room, "No surprise here."

"Dude. Your boy is an art junkie too."

"Yeah I know." Dean sighed, "Do you guys just multiply here?"

"Shut up and get in here."

The room was empty except one girl at the far end of the room, Dean raised an eyebrow at Charlie but she was already skipping over to her. Putting his hands in his pockets he walked over and gave a half smile. "Hey...I'm Dean."

The girl looked up from her easel and smiled. She had long brown hair and brown eyes. She had a warm smile, "Tiffany."

"Cool." Dean said, "Nice to meet you."

She smeared paint on her forehead while wiping off sweat, "Have you two been friends long? Charlie talks about you often."

Dean felt his cheeks flush, "Yeah, she's one of the best."

"You better believe it." Charlie agreed and smiled at Tiffany who had gone back to her picture.

"Um, I'm gonna leave you guys too it.” Dean smiled and excused himself. He gave a wink to Charlie before he left. Once he was clear of her view he nearly ran to the cafeteria and found Cas sitting on an empty table, playing on his phone. Grinning he walked behind him and hugged him tightly, “Hey babe.”

Cas grabbed on of his arms and massaged it, “Where were you?”

“Charlie wanted me to meet her date.”

“Oh. Tiff? She’s nice.”

“How do you already know her?”

“Art.” Cas laughed, “Can we eat now? I’m starving.”

“Wanna go out?”

“We are going out.”

Dean unhooked his arm and sat down next to him, “No you dork. You wanna go out to eat. Like non crap school food.”

“Only.” Cas said looking at him seriously, “If I can get a portobello burger with unions.”

“Really Cas? The unions? They smell.” Dean whined and put his head onto the other’s shoulder. “How bout, you get any burger you want...without unions?”

Castiel hummed then answered, “Only if I get a milkshake as well.”

“Deal!” Dean shouted and kissed him, “Let’s go!”

Just as Dean had gotten up and turned, Cas grabbed him by the hem of his shirt, “Just kidding. We walked here today.”

“Goddammit.” Dean sighed, “Now we don’t even have somewhere to go make out.”

Cas rolled his eyes, “Let’s just get some fries here and we can go out later.” He got up and held a hand out for Dean to hold then led them to the line for food. Dean mindlessly started humming and watched Cas’ hair, following curls until they ran into one another and he lost track of which went where.

Food eaten, and after a few shared kisses, the bell rang, sending them to their last classes for the day. “I’ll meet you and Sam by the front door?”Dean nodded and walked, now alone, to his third class. Grabbing the doorhandle, someone for the second time ran into him grabbing his arm.

“Dean!” Kevin said excitedly. “I’m so excited for Friday! Thanks by the way. Sorry you had to sit there while we yelled at each other for awhile.”

“No worries.” Dean waved him off, “We need to discuss what we all wanna do.”

“Who is all of us?” Kevin asked curious, “I kinda just invited myself.”

“Charlie naturally, and her new boo, uh, me and Cas, obviously, Jo and Vic-”

“Oh! That’s awesome. They’re probably a really cute couple.”

“Yeah…” Dean shrugged, “I haven’t even talked to Vic...I’ve been a shit friend. God.”

“No you haven’t.” Kevin shook his head, “You’ve just been distracted.” then laughed, and pushed him lightly.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t do the same.”

“Not at all.” Kevin agreed, “I’ll see you in math?”

“Yep, gotta keep up this C average.”

Kevin waved and darted down the hallway, clearly running late to his class. Laughing he walked into his class and awkwardly smiled at his classmates who had turned to see what was funny. Silently, he walked to his seat in the back and waited for the next two hours to pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiffany is the name of actress of the chick fairy Charlie hooks up with in season 8. I feel like that was a bit more common name than Gilda. :P


	52. Chapter 52

"Hey gorgeous." Cas said softly on Dean's lips.

"I missed you." Dean whispered in his ear.

"Dean it's been like two and a half hours."

"What's your point?"

Cas laughed and tugged Dean closer by his belt loops. "I just didn't think you were the clingy type." Dean tightened his grip on his waist, and laid his head on his shoulder.

"You wanna...you know, mess around at your place?"

"Dean we have homework." Cas reasoned, and laughed when Dean complained. "We already put it off last weekend."

"I hate that you're always right."

"C'mon Sam's waiting." Cas said pulling Dean along with him to the front of the school. Sam sat on the front steps, hand in hand with Jess. Before Dean could make a snarky remark, he greeted them. "Jess! Sam!"

Sam turned quickly like it was caught off guard. "Cas, hey!"

Dean stepped beside him and once again put his head on his shoulder. "Can we go? Apparently I have homework."

"You? Doing homework?"

"And research." Cas added.

"You guys are hilarious." Dean grumbled and walked off towards the gates of the school. Cas rolled his eyes and ran up next to him and walked with him, the waited at the boundary of the school for Sam to catch up then started off back to his house. Promising they would run by the Winchester place after his homework, Dean convinced Sam to come back with them. Sam talked with Cas most the way, he found it refreshing to hear about someone's day other than his mom's. Then instantly felt guilty for even thinking that. Self conscious he put his hands in his coat pocket.

Dean looked at him curiously then, mistaking the reason for his actions, he said, "C'mon. Gimme 'em. I'll warm 'em up." Feeling childish, he let Dean hold his hands and rub them together with his own, then after a moment he would blow on them and rub them some more. Satisfied, Dean reached one of them to his lips and kissed it gently. "Better?"

With one hand, he cupped Dean's face and pulled him into a kiss. "Much better."

Sam was a few paces ahead of them. "Guys, could you not make out while I'm here."

"Sammy, we were barely kissing."

"Yeah well, your faces were too close."

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother then kissed Cas once more to annoy his brother.

"Dean!" Sam complained.

"Sam!" Dean mocked in the same tone of voice, then turned to him with a softer smile. "Hey babe? You wanna eat out tonight? Since we didn't get to at lunch?"

"I'm in," Cas nodded then turned to the younger Winchester, "Would you and Jess like to join us?"

"Really?" Sam asked, "I'd like to...I'll have to call her...but yeah, thanks Cas."

When they reached Cas’ front yard, Dean yelled, “Race you Sammy!” and took off as fast as possible to the front door. Sam, who was only slightly slower managed to throw snow at Dean, making him stop and turn around while he raced past. Cas laughed and followed the two into the house, then watched the two boys argue over who actually made it to the door first.

“Hey losers.” He said when it looked like Dean was nearing the end of his rant, “Would you like some hot chocolate?”

“God, yes.” Dean sighed and walked with him to the kitchen.

They sat themselves at the table and discussed, teachers, where to eat, videogames, and movies before Dean claimed he was tired and needed a nap. “That’s ridiculous. You had plenty of sleep and we haven’t done anything strenuous today.” Cas reasoned but tugged Dean with him to the couch in the living room.

Realizing what was going to inevitably happen, Sam asked if he could borrow Cas’ car to see Jess, not that he cared, the only place he had to go today was with Sam so he agreed. Finally warm, and sitting comfortably in the living room, the boys settled in their usual spot curled next to each other. Three times, Cas suggested they get up and actually do their homework but Dean pouted at him every time and they remained seated, staring blankly at wall ahead, simply happy to be with one another. His eyes felt heavy and considered taking a nap, that was until his phone rang. Without looking at the screen he pulled it from his pocket and answered, “Hey mom.”

“Not quite.” Balthazar said, in a light voice.

“What the hell do you want?” Cas said angrily.

“Cassie, I’m offended, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“If I remember correctly, I told you to leave me alone.”

“Are we not adults? Come on, Cassie, just talk to me for a minute.”

Cas rolled his eyes and glanced at Dean who now and an angry look to match his own, “You have forty-five seconds. Dean count.”

“Meet with me? You can bring your...your boyfriend. We both know that we shouldn’t keep all this bad blood between us. It’s ridiculous. Were we not childhood friends? Do I not know you better than most? What do you say Cassie?”

Cas’ voice got stuck in his throat. On the one hand, Balth was a friend, but the problem was just that, he _was_ a good friend. “I don’t want to.” he said in what he hoped was a confident voice.

“Cassie-” he pleaded but Dean had taken the phone from him before he could respond.

“Look douche bag. I have some words for you.” Dean seethed, “First, how dare you? You good for nothing. How do you even begin to betray someone like that? Cas deserves better than me but I’ll be damned before he goes back to you. Then you keep calling him like you guys are pals or some shit."

Cas sat stunned at Dean’s behavior. He knew that Dean was upset with Balthazar but he didn’t think he’d ever actually do anything about it. Not that he could bring himself to stop Dean talking. Part of him enjoyed that his boyfriend would stick up for him, also, he wasn’t quite sure how he would stop Dean. If he told him to stop because it was harsh, Dean would assume he had feelings for Balthazar still. If he hung up the phone, Dean would just call him back.

“Second.” Dean held up a finger, not that Balthazar could see it, “Yeah asshat, that was only the first issue. Why the hell can’t you just leave Cas alone? He clearly doesn’t want you. Third, I will kick your motherfucking ass if you even think about hurting Cas again.”

“Dean.” Cas said, putting an arm on his shoulder.

“Hang on butt munch.” Dean said quickly then looked at him, “What’s up, babe?" he asked like nothing was going on.

“You can hang up, he won’t come near me.”

“But I wanna kick his ass.”

“Dean,” he said patiently, taking the phone back, “Balthazar. Here’s the deal. I believe in second chances...but not third. No one should get a third chance for the same mistake. I’m happy. I’m happy with who I’m with, I’m happy with how things are in school, I’m goddamn happy. Now, the best thing you could do for me. Would be to leave me alone. Please.” He ended quietly and hung up the phone not waiting for a response.

Dean looked at him with a big, dopey, smile. “I love you.”

“I-” he started but Dean kissed him, his hands curling into his hair. Cas responded by pulling him closer by his t-shirt, and snaked his hands onto his back, determined to keep him close. When Dean moaned, he pulled back and chuckled, “Dean. If we don’t start our homework we’re gonna end up having sex instead.”

“See.” Dean said, still a few inches from his face, “I don’t see a problem with that.”

Cas pushed him lightly and got off the couch. “Come, knight, good sir, one who was defending my honor. You have an essay to write.”

“I hate school.”

“You’ve said,” Cas laughed and pulled Dean up onto his feet, then hurried up the stairs before Dean could tackle him to the couch once again. He heard a groan behind him then Dean’s footsteps on the stairs after him a moment later.

Cas stretched out on his bed then dug underneath it for his sketchbook. Dean flopped down on the floor and pulled out his books, paper, and Sam's laptop.

"Where do ya want me?" He asked, pulling off his shirt.

Letting himself stare, he traced Dean's curves, following from his shoulders down to his sides, then smiled when he saw Dean was blushing. "You're gorgeous."

"You didn't answer the question." Dean mumbled and looked away, neck still red with his fluster.

Cas crawled to the floor and turned his head to him. "I said." Kissing him softly, "You're gorgeous."

Dean returned the kiss, but bit on his bottom lip, "And you're sexy. But, we have homework."

Moaning, Cas relaxed back, sitting on his knees and directed Dean to face away from him and arch his back forward.

"This is super convenient because I just gotta sit here on the computer." Dean laughed, "What makes my back so special?"

"It's covered in freckles." Cas said offhandedly."

"You're gonna have to stop making me blush, Cas."

Castiel only laughed and took his place back on the bed. Every once and awhile Dean would ask him a question to see if he was still on the right track with his essay, then they would return to silence. All noise ceased, but the scratch of his pencil, the click of Dean's keys and the dishwasher downstairs. Cas found himself distancing from everything around him and purely focused on grabbing the shape of Dean's back onto his paper. He was so lost on the curves and lines that both boys jumped when there was a knock on his door.

Anna stood in the doorway, beside the door they hadn't bothered to close. She ruffled his head then sat beside him looking at his work. "That's amazing."

"It's just a rough sketch. You'll have to see it when it's done.

"Has Dean seen it?"

"My back?" Dean laughed, "In the mirror quite often." Turning around Dean waved politely, and gave him a smug look.

"Smartass." Cas muttered and threw a nearby pillow at him. He would've kissed him then but felt awkward with his mother still sitting beside him. "How was work?" He asked quickly to his mom to distract himself.

"It was fine," She took a deep breath and sighed, "I may be gone more this week."

"That's okay," he smiled and rubbed her back. "Let me know what nights you'll be here and we can make you dinner."

"Yeah!" Dean agreed, "I mean, Cas is a great cook, but I'm excellent, just ask Sammy."

Anna smiled, "I'll do that. Although I take your word for it Dean. Angel here doesn't date anyone who can't cook."

"It's being a basic human." He defended and smiled at Dean. "But he does cook very well."

"I'm going to go do some yoga then go out with Hester. Are you gonna be alright?"

"Course. Sam is coming back in a bit and we're gonna go to dinner."

She got up and kissed his forehead, "Sounds fun. Don't stay out too late."

Dean watched Anna leave with something near loss in his eyes then smiled up at him before he could ask about it. Spinning back around he started back on his paper before Cas could ask what was wrong. He shrugged it off and began to create the outline of the final piece of his work.

"Dean?" He asked a few minutes later. Dean mumbled a response but didn't turn around. "Could...could you put one hand on your head?"

"Where?" Dean asked turning his torso slightly.

Not wanting to move, he answered, "You know when you're frustrated and you run your hands through your hair?"

"Like this?" Dean asked, mimicking his instruction.

"Perfect, just hold that for a minute."

Sketching quickly he got what he needed then got off his bed quietly so he could wrap his arms around Dean. Taken by surprised, Dean jumped and shivered when he placed a kiss on his shoulder.

"Scared me." Dean said, but kept staring at his computer screen and typing away.

Cas read what was on the page and kissed his forehead, "Looks great."

"I'm almost done." Dean said proudly. "Then. We're gonna close that door and I'm gonna have my way with you."

"So kinky." Cas laughed and got to his feet to put away his things. Once everything was in its proper place, he returned to sit behind Dean and began to kiss him on all the freckles he could see. "You have these ones that make a star. Swear to God."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

Cas began to kiss the outline of the star, "It's true."

"If we're gonna make out...can we at least close your door?"

Sighing dramatically, he got up off the floor once more and shut the door. In that space of time, Dean had closed all his work and snuck behind him, kissing him against the now closed door. "I'm never gonna get sick of kissing you." He said in a low voice.

"Me either." Cas laughed and tugged Dean closer so that their hips aligned. "How do you smell like...like...sexy. All the time." He asked pushing Dean towards his bed, and setting his glasses down safely on his nightstand.

"In the morning I like to start with washing my hair with shampoo, then, I put on deodorant, and finally, I put on my clothes."

"I've gotta start doing that." He laughed on his lips and laid Dean down in front of him, slowly sucking on his collarbone.

"No." Dean said in a small voice. "You smell like summer, and cinnamon."

Cas laughed, "You make me sound like a pie."

"Well," Dean groaned, lifting his hips to create friction, "I really fucking love pie."

"Shhhh." He whispered in his ear, "Can we not talk about pie right now? I'm trying real hard to get in your pants."

"All yours babe." Dean laughed, "but first." He pushed Cas back to lift his shirt up over his head. "This has got to go."

Humming, he laid next to Dean and slotted their legs together, rocking his hips and loving every sound that escaped. "Fuck." He muttered, doing everything he could to get closer. Dean writhed and unbuttoned his jeans the tugged them down. Smiling he kicked his jeans off the rest of the way and tossed them on the ground. He eyed Dean then began to kiss him slowly from the rim of his pants up to his lips, and slipped his hands around the back of his jeans, and squeezing Dean's ass. "Did I mention you're gorgeous?" He said, breathless in the other's ear.

Dean moaned and bucked his hips again, "Fuck. Cas. Can we-ngh-fuck speed this up?"

"Patience is a virtue Dean." He laughed but undid his pants anyway, tossing them alongside his own on the floor.

Dean ran his fingers over his hips and smiled, "You're fuckin gorgeous too."

Cas wanted to keep this going but he couldn't, laying flush against the other took hold of Dean's hips and rocked them against his own, "Fuck. Fuck. Ngh-fuck."

"Why the fuck do we still have our goddamn boxers on?" Dean grunted then bit down on his shoulder to keep from screaming out. "Fuck, Cas."

Sitting back up, Cas breathed heavily and stroked Dean's chest before wrapping his index finger around the waistband of his underwear and pulling them down. He stroked Dean a few times before taking off his own, then stared at his boyfriend below him.

Dean had sweat beginning to form on his hairline and his mouth was open in heavy breath to match his own.

"I wanna..." Cas started, rubbing his hands up Dean's thighs and teasing his, already hard cock, lightly. "I wanna fuck you so bad."

Dean's breath slowed, but only a little, "Like...like in the butt?" He asked incredulously.

Cas couldn't help himself, he laughed and cupped Dean's face kissing him too innocently for their current activity. "That is how gay sex works." He said sitting back, but not today. I...I don't think we're there."

"Why not?" Dean asked, taking him by surprise.

It was his turn to blush, he felt foolish doing so but he couldn't help it. Dean was looking at him like he had taken away his favorite toy. "Did-I mean- have you ever had anything up there?"

Dean shook his head slowly, "No, but c'mon Cas." He pouted and rubbed small circles into his hip bones.

He lifted Dean's hands above his head and kissed him slowly, "How bout...we just..." He paused looking for the right word, "experiment with it today?" Dean nodded, and he kissed him once more. "You gotta relax, babe." He teased the reached over to his nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube.

"Does it hurt?" Dean asked quietly, as he was rubbing the lube on his fingers to warm it.

"Nope." Cas assured him, "You wanna grab that pillow?" He asked then placed it under Dean's hips, "If you don't want to then we stop at any point." He said looking at Dean, "Honestly."

Dean only nodded but watched as he placed one of his slick fingers on the rim of his hole and massaged it. Not wanting Dean to panic, Cas bent his head down and began to suck the other off like this was any other day. Instantly, Dean threw his head back and grabbed his hair, digging in his fingers and holding on tight.

"Relax." Cas grinned and licked from the base of his cock to the tip, "Babe, you gotta relax."

Dean's breath regulated and he looked up and the ceiling, but still kept one hand wrapped in his hair. Moments later, Cas pushed a single finger in, and let Dean get used to the sensation, the added more lube, and one more finger. In and out, he moved his fingers slowly, not wanting to panic the other. After Dean was used to the two he crooked his fingers and began searching, seconds later Dean jerked his hips.

"Jesus!" Dean nearly screamed.

"The name is Castiel actually."

"Holy shit." Dean said, ignoring his sarcasm, "What the hell."

"That." Cas said with a wink, "Is why bottoming is a great time."

"I get the phrase, 'fuck me in the butt' now." Dean sighed and ran his fingers through his dark hair, "Keep going...Jesus."

Obediently, Cas resumed his work, then took Dean's length in his mouth as well. If we was going to get Dean off then he was going to go all out. He hummed around Dean's cock and loved every time the other twitched, sending his dick further into his mouth.

"Cas...fuck. Cas I'm so close."

Slowly, Cas pulled his fingers out and his head up, then crawled on top of Dean to kiss him slowly. "I love you." He smiled, then reached between them to stroke them both off together. Dean had that look in his eyes that he adored. It was somewhere between bliss and lust, making his own dick twitch. As soon as Dean leaned his head back he knew, "You can come, baby."

Seconds later Dean's release trickled down his fingers, and he held him as he came back down.

"Jesus." Dean whispered softly then kissed him, "I love you."

Cas smiled and hugged him closer, still aware of his own cock pressed on Dean's leg, but he didn't mind, this was for Dean not him.

Dean rolled him onto his back and sat back on his heels, "Lemme take care of you." He smiled, and began to stroke him. "You're heaven sent." Dean laughed, and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips, then his jaw, neck, collarbone.

"Dean. Ngh." Cas moaned, "Please."

Dean leaned back and picked up his pace, then scooted back just far enough so he could suck him off. As soon as Cas saw Dean's lips around his cock he jerked involuntarily then tried to hold still. Dean smirked and began to swirl his tongue just around the tip and let his hands travel his shaft. "You wanna come on my face?" Dean asked innocently, then gave the tip a swift flick of his tongue.

"You're such a goddamn tease." Cas complained but felt his stomach clench and knew he wasn't going to last much longer. Dean licked the bottom of his shaft and he knew he was done. White streams flew on Dean's face, and he let his head rest back onto his pillow. Staring at the ceiling and trying to regulate his breathing. A soft laugh came from Dean as he crawled back next to him.

"We should probably shower before my brother gets here."

"Mmm." Was all Cas could muster and let Dean drag him out of bed and only stood there while Dean grabbed a towel for each of them. "Why do I always have to move right after and you get to lay there all you want?" He complained when Dean tugged him to the bathroom across the hall.

"Because." Dean explained, once they were both under the warm spray, "You're an angel and well, I'm not that nice."

"Although it's in my name. I think you're the angel, Dean." He said, standing behind the other, resting his head on his shoulder. And letting the warm water fall over them, not willing to move.

Dean washed his face then turned around to wash him up, clearly he'd seen that he lack the energy to do so himself. That was until he realized Dean was giving him different hairstyles with the shampoo.

"You should totally sport a mohawk."

"No." Cas shook his head and returned his hair to the all over mess it stayed at.

Dean tilted his head and brushed back just the sides of his hair, "What if you shave the sides?"

"Do you have a problem with my hair?" Cas laughed.

Dean shook his head, "Nope. It's just fun to play with different ideas. Yeah?"

"You're a dork."

"But I'm your dork."

"True. Can we get out now? I'm hungry, we should call Sam."

"Fine." Dean agreed and shut off the water.

They almost made it getting fully dressed without making out, but he found Dean staring at his ass again and couldn't help himself. And that's where Sam found them. On Cas' floor. Dean not wearing pants but a shirt and Cas in nothing but his boxers.

"Guys!" Sam said in a put out voice.

Cas crawled off Dean, "He started it."

"That's not true!"

"So I was imagining you looking at my ass?"

"I'll own to that but-"

"Guys!" Sam said again, "Jess is downstairs. Can you not?"

Cas rolled his eyes but winked at his boyfriend then finished putting on his clothes. Dean waited for him on the bed then got up when he'd tugged on his shirt.

"You should wear a sweater vest with that snazzy button-down."

"I was thinking so." Cas agreed, even though he knew Dean was kidding. He found a gray checkered one in his dresser, slipping it on with a tongue stuck out at Dean. Then reached for his glasses.

"I'm dating a frikin nerd." Dean sighed.

"So am I." Cas said, earning him a punch in the arm. "Let's go annoy your brother." Now laughing and taking Dean's hand before he could argue.

Sam and Jess were sitting on the couch in the living room, cross legged and staring at each other, hands loosely fiddling with each other. As soon as Sam caught sight of Dean he blushed and looked aimlessly at his feet.

"C'mon Sammy," Dean said, walking to his brother and ruffling his hair, "You've caught me doing much worse. Nice to see ya, Jess. Please tell me that this squirt isn't this red all the time around you."

She shook her head and laughed, "Just when others are around."

"I think it's the way he looks at you." Cas said honestly. "But don't worry Sam, it could also be a family trait, Dean blushes more than-" Dean elbowed him in the stomach.

"Cas! Not in front of the children."

Sam was now laughing along with Jess and true to his word, Dean was slightly pink in the cheeks but wore a face of resentment.

Apologetically, he kissed Dean behind his ear, "I'm sorry babe. Dinner is on me tonight."

"Better be, or I'm gonna-"

"I don't wanna know!" Sam cut in, "Please don't be all gross in front of my girlfriend."

"He started it!" Dean said defiantly. "Did you bring my Baby? I wanna drive."

"How would I have done that? I had Cas' car."

"Damn."

"We'll get it later when we go and pick up Sam's things. Can we go eat? I'm starving." Cas sighed and pulled Dean with him to his car knowing that the other two would follow.

"See Sammy? Now we get to ride in Cas' Prius."

"You can walk." Cas suggested when they reached the car.

"It's snowing!" Dean complained.

"So shhh." Cas laughed and got in the car.

Without needing to talk about it they drove to the Roadhouse and Jo greeted them all with her usual smile. She eyed him and Dean oddly but Cas pushed it back in his mind. He didn't really care anymore what people thought and was happy to simply have Dean beside him.

After ordering, the four sat around the table and talked about school, first about favorite teachers, classes and they somehow ended up on annoying classmates. When Dean brought up the kid who knocked all his things to the floor, Cas gave his hand a soft squeeze. He knew what that was like and a flicker of guilt swept over him. He faked a smile at the rest of the group, but found himself zoning out. Ten minutes later he was brought back up to speed when Dean leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"You don't mind if I drink tonight?"

"As long as I don't have to carry you up the stairs again."

"Did he go boneless on you too?!" Sam asked.

"Yeah, he was upset he didn't make me trip."

"Yeah! One time, he made me fall and we both fell to the bottom of the stairs and he just started laughing. Made me so mad, but, he hit his head pretty good on the wall and had that added to his hangover the next day."

"One time! And I'm a great time when I'm drunk." Dean defended.

"Not to mention flirty."

"Everyone is flirty when they drink."

"You kept asking to see my ass." Cas rolled his eyes.The table laughed making Dean blush. Cas squeezed his hand in apology but Jo swung by with their food before he could verbally apologize.

“Hello to my favorite group of people.” She greeted, “ Two double cheeseburgers for you guys, one side of mushrooms for lil art boy, a shot of whiskey for dean-o, and if he dares bring it up or ends up super drunk in front of my momma she will shoot him in the ass. A BLT avocado club for Sammy and the chicken fried steak for Jess.”

“You’re the best.” Sam told her in a sing song voice.

“Who says I get ridiculously drunk whenever I come in here?” Dean asked.

When Jo saw he wasn’t kidding she looked at the rest of the table, “Anyone think I’m wrong?” They all shook their heads.

“Well that’s cuz they’re all my friends...it’s not like I’m known-”

Jo raised an eyebrow and then her voice. “Attention my lovely regulars. Course it’s a monday night so all ya’ll are regulars. Who here has seen this boy,” she pointed to Dean, “my lovely childhood friend Dean Winchester get so drunk he probably needed someone to keep a close eye on him?” A fair number of the room raised their hand, more than Cas would have thought and he found himself laughing when Jo turned around and said, “Have I made my point?”

“Can i just eat my damn burger.” Dean complained and grabbed his food.

Cas watched the back of his neck flush with color and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Apparently. It’s not just me people stare at when I walk into a room.” he whispered into Dean’s ear.

“Damn.” Dean laughed lightly, after he chewed his food a little, “I wonder what looks we get when we hold hands?”

Cas nudged him softly then grabbed the tray of mushrooms and added as many as would fit on his burger and tuned back to the other two they came with. As promised, Dean didn’t drink enough to need help getting inside, but enough by the end of the night he wouldn’t leave Cas’ side, more than usual that was, and refused Cas driving so that they could sit in the back and he could put his head on Cas’ lap. With a sleepy Dean and Sam who was still trying not to blush because Jess kissed him goodbye, they drove back to the Novak house. Cas felt like he was the only one fully in the moment and didn’t bother to talk to the other two while they were off in their own. When they pulled up, Cas helped Dean back to his feet then they reentered the house, much more satisfied from dinner than before and slugged into the first seats they could find in the living room.

“I love this couch.” Dean said mindlessly, and curled up in a ball clutching a pillow.

Rolling his eyes, Cas sat next to him and ran his fingers through his short hair. Sam took the seat beside him and leaned his head on Cas’ shoulder.

“Heya Cas?”

“Yeah?”

Sam shifted in his seat and spoke quietly, “Is Dean listening?”

Cas looked at his boyfriend, Dean laid, mouth half open and clearly asleep. “Nope, what’s up?”

“I think I love her.”

Cas looked at Sam, his heart swelling, “I’m so happy for you!” he said quietly, but excitedly, not wanting to wake Dean, “Have you told her? How long? Aw, you two would have adorable children.”

Sam blushed redder than he’d ever seen Dean, “I haven’t said anything to her...only for a few days now I’ve thought so…I’m only fifteen Cas...it’s a bit early to be thinking about kids.”

Cas shrugged, “Regardless. You two are adorable and I’m very happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Sam said quietly, they sat without saying anything, both lost in their own thoughts, then he spoke again, “Can-would it be okay if we went by my house to get some stuff?”

“Sure. Let me just grab a blanket for Dean and we’ll go.” Cas agreed, and scooted off the couch carefully, then grabbed the blanket from over the couch and wrapped it around Dean. Who smiled when it was over him but didn’t wake.

He met Sam at the car, and they drove quickly to the Winchester’s. There was no sign of their dad’s truck, so Sam invited him in. Clearly, John didn’t think he was necessary to pick up anything. There was still a lamp on the other side of the room, shattered, and things tipped over; a table, a few movies thrown, and empty beer cans.  His heart swelled a little and he felt bad for John, then he remembered the bruise that was fading from Dean’s back and his breath caught in his throat.

“I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Sam said absentmindedly, going up the stairs to his room.

“I feel like this is my fault.”

Sam turned to him seriously, “Cas, you’ve made Dean happier than I’ve seen him in years. Dad has always been a bit like this and...it was the same...that night he found out Dean was dating Cole...I just...I’m happy he has you. You guys are good for each other.”

Nodding, but not fully agreeing, he excused himself to go get something things. Cas helped gather some supplies and a few clothes for Dean as well, then met back up with in Sam’s room, “Was it this bad when he knew about Cole?”

Sam shook his head, “No. But Dean wasn’t as serious with Cole as he is with you.”

“What did he tell your dad about me?”

Sam looked at him one eyebrow raised, “You...you didn’t know? I mean he didn’t tell you?”

He tilted his head, “Should I know?”

“He said he loved you.” Sam smiled. “When he first came in my dad was all mad cuz Dean had been gone, ya know? Basically, he-he was yelling at Dean for...lets go with sleeping around...with a lot of people. And that made Dean real mad. He told him that he loved you and your relationship was the first real time he felt anything for someone…”

Cas smiled softly, “He didn’t need to do all that.”

“Yeah, well Dean’s a stubborn shit.” Sam laughed, “He doesn’t like to be told when he’s wrong. Whether he is or not. Anyway, the nice cut lip was from that remark and well, I think you gathered the rest.”

“It is my fault…” Cas said, zipping closed the bag he’d grabbed for Dean.

“Don’t think like that.” Sam assured him, “Trust me. I know Dean better than he knows himself.” He laughed, then sat down on his bed at looked at him with a somber expression, “It’s like I said before, I’ve never seen him this happy. He sings along to songs in the car again, he is actually trying in school, the other day I heard him talk about working his way through college. Cas.” Sam’s voice broke a little, “I’ve never heard him say anything like that. He always told me he was too stupid to be in college, and that I was the good son, so one of us had to. I’ve seen him so mad at the world that he purposely got drunk trying to block it all out. He basically assumed he would be stuck here forever, a mechanic with barely anything, forty and dying of something stupid...but he’s too soft for all his anger. He would deny it but I’ve seen him skip out on meals so he could save money for me to go...and I just...I just wanna say thank you.Thank you for taking care of my brother.”

Cas had his own tears in his eye and blinked a few times, “Dean has helped me too...I-I didn’t know all that though. Thank you, Sam.”

The ride back was quiet, but Cas didn’t mind. He just wanted to go back home and hold Dean as tight as he could. They found him much like they left, Dean was now spread out on the couch but snoring softly. Sam got both bags they filled and let Cas worry about how to get him upstairs. After they bid each other goodnight, Sam hurried up the stairs and with a click, Cas knew he was already in his room. He looked at Dean and caressed his cheek then kissed it. “Wake up.”

Dean groaned, and rolled over, “Can’t we just sleep on the couch again?”

“Nope. We have school, and I don’t like sleeping in jeans. C’mon.” He said grabbing Dean’s arm and hoisting him up to a seat position, “I’d really rather not carry you. You comin?”

“Yeah,” Dean yawned, got up, and leaned his head on Cas’ back all the way up the stairs and into his room.

How he convinced Dean to get undressed, he’d never know, but they lay together on his bed and Cas thought about everything Sam had told him. He tugged Dean closer and kissed his forehead, knowing Dean had already gone back to sleep. “I love you, Dean.” He whispered and let himself fall asleep, knowing that as long as they had each other, the rest would work itself out.


	53. Chapter 53

Dean woke to his favorite sight. Cas was still asleep, his hair messier than usual and his eyes flickered behind closed eyelids. Smiling he gently untangled himself and walked across the hall to the bathroom. It was evident that Sam was already up and ready, there was still steam on the mirror and the air was hot. Following suit he took a quick shower, snuck back into Cas' room to change and just as quietly went downstairs.

Sam and Anna were in the kitchen. Sam it seemed didn't share Dean's awkwardness in conversation. They both sat talking as if this happened every morning and Dean gave a small wave to them both.

"Mornin' Ms. Novak."

"Dean. You can call me Anna."

"Right." He smiled and went to the coffee maker to start a pot, knowing Cas would want a few cups. He helped himself to a bowl of cereal and joined the other two.

They began talking like they were before and Dean found himself zoning out. He thought about Cas, that was waking up with Cas; his lips, how his hair tickled his nose, their legs tangled together, Cas' chest rising and falling slowly.

"Dean?" Sammy was staring at him like he had grown another head.

Blinking he looked up at his brother, "Yeah?"

"I was just saying I'm sorry we didn't pick up Baby last night."

"Oh." Dean shook his head, "It's fine. We could probably stop by the house and pick it up on the way to school. So we have a ride."

Before Sam could answer, Cas appeared in the archway. He had one sock on, one of Dean's Led Zeppelin shirts and sweats with one leg rolled up. He looked at the room, then walked to the coffee pot and poured a glass.

Anna smiled at Dean, "Good that you know what gets him out of bed."

"Course." Dean laughed as Cas sat beside him, not saying a word but sipping on his coffee. Sam smiled at him and Dean purposely looked away, not wanting to look Sam in the eye when he already felt happier with Cas sitting by him.

Now finished, Anna got up to wash her dishes then walked to Cas to kiss his forehead, and to Dean's surprise she put a hand through his hair as well. He smiled at the gesture, it had been a long time since someone had done that, Cas excluded naturally. Sam smiled even wider when she left.

"Shuddap Sam."

"You guys are so domestic."

Cas laid his head on his shoulder, "Because he made me coffee?" he asked, eyes still squinted and voice full of sleep.

Sam shook his head, "It's like you guys are married."

Cas got up for his second cup, then asked, "What do you think?"

"Bout wha?" He answered through a mouthful of cereal.

"You wanna get married?" Dean dropped his spoon and Sam sat with a large grin on his face.

"Wha?" He asked still chewing.

Cas sat back down and took his hand, "I don't mean today, or even this year, or even could be five or ten years...but I can see it."

Dean stared at him, "You wanna...you wanna marry me?"

"Don't you?" Castiel asked taking another sip of his coffee like they were discussing where to eat that day.

Dean looked at his brother then back at Cas, then at his feet, "Well yeah..." He said in a whisper, praying that Sam couldn't hear him.

"Dibs on being the best man!" Sam squealed then got up to put his dishes in the sink.

Dean couldn't pick back up his spoon. He was staring at Cas, looking for any sign of sarcasm on his face but he found none. As soon as Sam left the room he asked him in a whisper, "You're serious?"

Cas looked up at him, tilting his head. "Does that make you uncomfortable?"

Dean felt his face heat up, "Well, no...but yeah...I mean...you're not gonna get sick of me?"

Cas laughed, "I don't think so. Dean. We're not getting married today you don't need to panic on me."

"But like me?" He asked again, "I'm...I'm fucking stupid, and like...I'm no good at anything. Plus. What if I end up like my dad?"

"Dean, you are not stupid." Cas said calmly, "I really didn't mean to freak you out...I'm sorry I said anything."

"No, no...just like. Are you sure you want me?"

Cas leaned in to kiss him softly, "I'm sure." Then kissed him more deeply. "If that changes I'll let you know."

Dean relax a little and let Cas kiss him, "we better get ready," he said between kisses, "for school."

"Fine, but this was your suggestion," Cas smiled on his lips, "Let's get that sexy ass all prettied up so I can show you off."

Dean laughed and stood up, "I think I've had a bad influence on you."

"Bad...good." Cas shrugged, "Doesn't matter."

Dean rolled his eyes and put away their dishes, "You wanna go shower? We're gonna pick up Baby on the way."

"You're not gonna join me?"

"No, I already showered while you were sleeping."

"Lame." Castiel yawned and got off his chair to kiss him, then went upstairs to get ready.

Dean sat in the empty kitchen, with nothing better to do, he began unloading the dishwasher then putting in the new ones in they had used. He was just drying his hands, when Sam came back into the room.

"Do you live here now?" He joked and gathered a few of his notebooks from the counter.

Dean shrugged, "Well, Dad kinda kicked me out. So for now I guess."

"I was kidding...but...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No it's all good. He still has one good son."

"Dean..."

"I'm serious, Sammy." Dean said in a low tone. "Forget it. Let's just...I'm gonna go get Cas."

He didn't want to face Sam. He knew that his brother was kidding, even he was surprised by how offended he was. It wasn't Sam's fault and he knew he was going to have to apologize, still frustrated he walked into what was now basically their room, he flopped on Cas' bed, then yelled into the comforter. There was a hand on his back but he didn't move his head, he attempted to complain about what was going on but he was pretty sure it was all mumbled.

"Dean?" Cas said softly, "You wanna talk about it?"

Turning his head, he let out a heavy sigh. "My dad kicked me out and I'm bumming off of you. I'm barely getting through school. How are we gonna make it on our own? Fuck. I don't even know if you wanna live with me after school. I'm a mess and I'm stressing. I miss my car. And I don't wanna go to school today."

"Dean." Cas said, a slight laugh in his voice. He kissed the top of his head. "You aren't a burden here. Stay as long as you want. We can skip our last classes to go make out." He offered, when he didn't move, Cas pulled him up forcefully. "Dean will you look at me?"

Dean raised his head to meet Cas' eye. When Cas ran his hand across his cheek he realized he was crying. "I'm sorry."

"No," Cas assured him, "Your feelings are valid."

"But I'm happy. I shouldn't be crying like...like this."

Cas kissed him then pulled him into a hug, "Dean."

There was a small knock on the door and Sam stood in the doorway, feeling stupid, Dean buried his face in Cas' shoulder. "What." He said not asking.

"I was just...I wanted to say I'm sorry." Sam said.

Dean looked at Sam. "It's really okay."

"I really didn't mean-"

"Sam." He said more firmly, the emotion finally fading, just as quickly as it had come. "I didn't mean to walk out. I-It doesn't matter. Should we go?" He looked from his brother to his boyfriend, both wore an expression of pity and he cursed himself mentally, he smiled at them both, gave a quick final wipe to his eyes then walked out of the bedroom, knowing they would follow.

He had just slid on his coat when Cas came down with Sam. His brother had the puppy dog eyes number 32 and he knew he'd have to find someway for Sammy to drop it. He kept his face in a smile, but could tell it looked fake. Cas kissed his cheek, just over where his bruise was fading, then put on his coat as well.

"It's snowing." Sam said in a tired voice, "Glad we're gonna go get the car."

Cas beamed at him, the turned to his hall closet and pulled out a few beanies. "Here." He placed a white one on his head, handed a blue to Sam and snugged a green one over Dean's hair. Tugging it back slightly. "Now you're all bundled up." He grinned.

Dean let Cas hold his hand all the way to his house. He still felt strange, like he was watching his life rather than living it. He could smile and answer questions but it was like the world was on fast forward.

One minute he was talking with Jo and seconds later he was at lunch, then he was leaving his third hour without any idea what the subject had been on. ' _C'mon. Dean. Focus. You got this. Dad doesn't seriously hate you. And even if he did, you have Cas. Oh man, what am I gonna do if Anna tries somethin..., 'Kay Winchester. Toughen up. Life is rocky but we've made it this far._ '

"What are you thinking about?" Cas was asking him. Dean looked around him, they were sitting in his car, and Cas sat in the passenger side sipping a cup of coffee.

Curious he looked outside but there wasn't a flow of students. "School isn't over?"

"Are you feeling okay?" Dean made himself focus on Cas. ' _Cas. Right, where did he get the coffee...think...Charlie bought him one. Score.'_

Cas was putting a hand to his forehead, "Dean? Are you dizzy?"

"Why? Have we been kissing? Cuz I'm usually a bit off balance after that." he smiled, "I'm fine. Nothin to worry about."

"It's fourth hour. You barely said a word during lunch. You didn't even say anything when Meg tried to ask me out again."

"When did...the hell?" Dean held his head in his hands. "Can we go? It doesn't have to be your house...just...somewhere."

"Switch me." Cas demanded and got out to walk around the car while he slid over.

"Cas..." He whispered when they reached the lookout point of the valley. "I...I'm worried."

"About the things this morning?"

"I'm no good. I'm...what am I even doing..."

"You're perfect just the way you are. And you won't end up like your dad. He loves you Dean. He may be angry. He may be a scummy dickbag. But as long as someone isn't showing you apathy, then they care...I-I'm sorry."

Dean shook his head, "Don't be. I'm sorry. I just don't feel like myself today."

"You don't have to figure everything out today. Hell, you don't even have to figure out what you're feeling. Just..let yourself feel things and don't duck out of those emotions because they'll just boil inside you."

Dean nodded and felt tears in his eyes, "Can we just sit here awhile?"

"Anything you need." Cas smiled.

"And..." Dean scooted closer, "will you just hold me for a little bit." He tried to laugh but his voice cracked and he burrowed his head into Cas' chest.

Cas didn't say anything, but wrapped his arms around him, one hand running through his hair. Dean's eyes felt heavy but he refused to sleep. He felt drained, ' _Why is there so much damn drama_.' He thought miserably and nuzzled his head against Cas, looking for something solid in the chaos he felt.

"Hey Jude...don't make it bad, take a sad song, and make it better." Cas began to sing in his low voice, Dean listened to the vibrations on his chest and new tears formed.

"My mom...my mom would sing that to me." Dean muttered when Cas finished.

Cas laughed lightly, "That explains that love for classic rock."

Dean sniffed, "Yeah, I guess it does." he played with a button on Cas shirt then asked, "What's it like?"

"That's a vague question."

Dean smiled then clarified. "What's it like? Growing up with a mom?" He ended quietly, feeling embarrassed he even asked.

Cas' grip on his tightened, "It's like this. They hold you when you cry. Even when you don't know what you're crying about. They make you hot chocolate and soup when you feel sick. They make sure you have a blanket when you fall asleep on the couch. They...they love you no matter what you get yourself into. They get mad too...they get mad when they feel like you didn't achieve what you could have...or when they know you chose the easy way out...but they love you. They defend your thoughts and feelings to those who disapprove. They tell you to be honest with yourself."

Dean started to zone out. Even though Cas was still talking, his breath slowed and he thought about what Cas was saying. He let himself dream what it would be like if his mother was around. He let himself remember her apple pie, the tight hugs she gave.

"Thanks." He said just loud enough for the other to hear. Then laughed shakily, "I'm sorry. Here we promised we were gonna stop feeling bad for ourselves. I am happy. I promise."

"It's impossible to be happy one hundred percent of the time." Cas laughed.

"Still. God. What am I? Five?"

"No, when we were five you were the one holding my hand and keeping me from being scared."

Dean smiled at this, "I...I remember that. My dad got so mad when he found out but I didn't care." He shrugged, "Lotta good that did."

Cas kissed his cheek and wiped away the last few stray tears. "I'm happy you're getting some stuff back."

"They aren't all happy." He sighed, "I remembered what I said to you...that first day of high school. I'm so sorry..."

"I think you've more than made up for it." Cas laughed, "Clearly," he kissed him softly, "I'm not mad."

"I was a jerk!" Dean said again.

"So was I!" Cas countered. "Look. We've both been stupid. We've both been sad, happy, angry, excreta. Dean. We're human. If I fuck up and you're pissed. Tell me."

"So when you put raisins in cookies again I can kick your ass?"

Cas rolled his eyes, "I'm just saying. I like having you around...and I'd rather deal with the problems then throw them aside."

"You're too mature."

"What?"

Dean sat back and smiled, "God. Can't we just be fucking kids for like. A day?"

"Tomorrow?" Cas asked.

"Yes. We'll be goddamn, reckless, no fear, no cares, unapologetic children."

"I love you." Cas laughed, then tugged him back forward into a kiss.

Dean felt his head spin, and he held onto Cas' shirt to find something stable. ' _Cas. I really. Really. Really fucking love kissing Cas. My Castiel. My angel._ '


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff and smut. I just feel like they compliment each other quite nicely. hahah

"Where did you guys go? Sam asked on the drive back to his house.

"Oh." Cas said and looked at Dean before speaking. "We just went for a drive."

"Cool."

"Did you wanna stay at Cas' or Dad's tonight?" Dean asked his brother.

"I would like to stay at Cas'...but I'd need to grab more stuff from the house to do my homework...ya know...if he's not home...you could stay with me there."

Dean look uncomfortable at him, "Uh..."

"Either way is fine." Cas shrugged, "I won't be offended which ever you chose."

Dean took his hand loosely, then looked at Sammy through his rearview mirror. "I'll drop you off then I'll take Cas home, but I'll stay...if he's not there."

As Sam predicted their dad's car was gone and he noticed Dean tensed up a little bit, so lazily he took their hands and laced them together. Sam was smiling at Dean, and have a wave to Cas then walked into his house.

"It's always strange to sleep in someone else's bed." Castiel noted.

"Yeah...but damn. Why does he like it there so much? Ah well. It'll give me time to clean up the place. I'm sure that my dad didn't do it."

"Would you like help?"

"No. It's probably better if you aren't around in case he does show up."

When they pulled up to his house he leaned to kiss Dean softly, "Call me if you need me. All right?" Cas told him sincerely. Dean grabbed his chin and kissed him once more, making him smile. "Love you."

"Love you too, babe."

Cas watch his boyfriend leave then walked into his house. The silence seemed to be magnified, he took a deep breath to calm himself. It was hard to not feel alone, especially since Dean and Sam had been with him for a few days. Making his way to his room he sent a text to Charlie, hoping she hadn't given up on him after spending so much time with Dean.

She replied with a picture of her and Tiff and told him not to worry about it. He smiled and pulled out his drawing from under his bed. He'd left it home because Dean was worried someone would recognize him. Castiel shook his head at the notion and looked at what he had so far. After tracing his work with his finger he grabbed his pencils and set to work.

Dean was the center, but there was more. He started the wings; large, black, and feathers missing, falling and scattered. He had decided that he should have the back exposed, not wanting to even try to attempt to convey a face that reflected the pain. The angel was alone in a flower garden. Like he'd fallen in this beautiful face, but unable to move. His hand stopped suddenly, night had fallen.

Pulling out his phone he texted Dean, feeling alone. John, it seemed, was still gone and the boys spent the evening cleaning the house.

Dean: I let Sammy cook. And omg Cas. It tasted like butt. I miss your cooking

Cas: it's been like twelve hours since you had it. I think you will live.

Dean: I dunno. I could die in the night. You never know. That stuff was black.

Cas: If these are our last words...I have something to tell you.

Dean: You love me?

Cas: I traced your freckles on your back. You should be able to see that star quite clearly now.

Dean: you did not...

Dean: WHEN THE HELL?!?

Dean: Cas! Is this in a marker?!

Dean: HOW DO I GET IT OFF!!!

Cas: love you babe.

Dean: Caaaaassss

Cas: you would've found it eventually. Take a bath. Let it soak for about 10 min and rub it off with your towel. But I told you there was a star there.

Dean: Jesus, what hell...

Cas: love you babe.

Dean: you won. What would you like me to call you?

Cas: Angel.

Dean: alright angel it is. But I get to change freckles.

Cas: I'm just saying it was an accurate nickname.

Cas: what would you like?

Dean: literally anything else.

Cas: I'll try a few tomorrow then. I do love you. Sleep well.

Dean: same. Love you angel.

Cas smiled happily, he was half kidding about the name but now he loved it, and couldn't wait to hear it on Dean's voice. Feeling much better, he wandered downstairs, feeling it was probably better to eat now rather than at three in the morning, being woken from hunger.

Quickly he boiled some noodles and heated a can of sauce in the pantry. It wasn't the best meal ever, but it was warm. He set aside a plate for his mom and washed the rest of the dishes, leaving the kitchen as clean as he found it.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Morning came too quickly, his alarm was blaring in his ear and without thinking he ripped it from the wall, then rolled back over to go to sleep. There was a knock on his door a few minutes later and his mother came in.

"Thank you for making dinner last night. I loved it."

"Wasn't hard." He said softly.

"I'll make some coffee for you, but I've gotta leave in ten minutes." She said then walked over to kiss his forehead. "I love you Angel."

"Love you mom."

Another half hour and he couldn't pull himself out of bed. Not really caring he fell back asleep, until his phone lit up next to him, Dean was calling.

"Hello?" He answered in a rough voice.

"Where you at?" Dean asked, "I've been outside your house for like five minutes."

"Oh. You can come in..."

"The door is locked."

Groaning, Castiel got out of bed and grabbed his blanket throwing it over his shoulder, then walked downstairs to let Dean in. Dean had a grin on his face when he answered, “You look adorable.”

“I just woke up.”

“I can see that.” Dean noted, “I’ve woken up next to you.”

Cas grunted in agreement then walked to the kitchen to find his cup of coffee. Dean followed him and sat down with him at the counter. Still half asleep, he didn’t bother trying to start a conversation but sat sipping his coffee. Dean apparently didn’t mind, he had pulled out his phone and patiently waited for him to finish. After his first cup he offered one to Dean, who refused.

“Not black. Bleh, it’s...bitter.”

“I’ve seen you drink straight whiskey.”

“Different.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you say, Muffin.”

“Veto.”

“Aw. Come on I like it.”

“Why muffin? I don’t even like muffins?”

“Sweetie pie?”

“Veto.”

This continued all through Cas’ second cup, then he yawned, “I’ll go get dressed, how many classes have I missed?”

Dean looked at his phone, “Uh. It’s only like noon, so...two...it’s almost lunch, we may as well go out to eat then hit classes.”

“Did Sammy take the car?”

“Like hell.” Dean laughed, “Baby is out front, I went for the first hour then realized you weren’t there. Lucky me. I got to skip class.”

Cas shook his head but walked out of the room, “As long as you’re passing. That’s what’s important.” Dean followed him up the stairs and sat on his bed, while he changed clothes. “Dean stop watching me like that.”

“Like what?” The other asked innocently.

“Like you wanna throw me on the bed.” Cas laughed, and turned around to see Dean blushing.

“I dunno what you’re talking about.”

Cas smiled then walked and stood in front of Dean, parting his legs so he could stand between them. “So, what you’re saying is you weren’t.” he kissed his forehead, “thinking about this.” he reduced his voice to a whisper and kissed Dean, just slightly, just enough that their lips grazed each other’s.

“Nooope.” Dean said in a shaky voice but his hands found Cas’ waist and pulled him closer. “Why.” Dean kissed him back just as gently, “Why would you think that?”

“One.” Cas began, then kissed Dean’s jaw, “Your pupils are totally blown. Two.” He placed another on his forehead, “I saw you checking out my ass in the mirror. And three.” he placed one more on Dean’s neck, “You haven’t pushed me back yet.”

Dean smiled at him, “You should be a detective.” he laughed, then kissed him properly.

Cas got shivers up his spine, and he pushed Dean slowly onto the bed, “You’re gonna be the death of me, Sugar Plum.”

“Veto.” Dean said, but it was in somewhat of a whisper like he was trying to focus purely on him.

Cas let himself crawl on top of Dean and kiss his neck slowly, "I missed you last night."

"Ngh." Dean moaned, "Cas, you're gonna give me a boner."

"That's the plan." He laughed and rolled his hips against Dean's. He watched the other's face change and a spark of lust hit him. "Mine." He said, biting Dean's neck.

"Fuck." Dean cursed, his hands gripping Cas' back. "This wasn't the plan."

"Mmm, this is so much better though." Cas grinned. He took Dean's hands and pinned them on the bed. "I wanna take care of you." He whispered and kissed his cheek, innocently.

Dean moaned, and rolled his hips up, desperate for friction. "C'mon Cas. Please."

"Your jacket," Cas complained, releasing their hands and tugging at Dean's clothes.

"Your goddamn pants." Dean whined.

Cas laughed and undressed both of them down to their boxers. "All in good time" he promised when Dean gave him a reproachful look.

"You're such an ass."

"An ass that knows where you're ticklish. So I'd shush."

"No. Please. Cas." Dean got out in short breaths as he began to kiss down his chest.

Cas buried his head into Dean's shoulder, "You really that impatient?"

"It's been more than twenty-four hours. Jesus!"

"You didn't get off yesterday?" Cas asked, amused.

Dean writhed below him, "No. Ah fuck. Is the-fuck-the neck kissing necessary. Fuck Cas!"

"Why not?" He breathed on his neck, "And yes, cuz it gets you all needy and I fucking love it."

Dean bucked his hips then tried wrapping his legs up around waist, "Not as good without you."

Castiel stopped for a moment and looked at his love in the eyes, almost instantly Dean became self conscious and turned his head away. Cas cupped the other's chin so he could look into Dean's eyes again. He couldn't put into words how happy that had made him. Instead he kissed Dean sincerely. Then tugged his boxers off.

"What happened to patience?"

"Fuck it." Cas growled and let his hands slide down Dean's chest and thighs while sitting back on his feet. He wrapped a few fingers around Dean's shaft and stroked it slowly, watching the other get needy. His own cock twitched, but he would get to it later.

"Cas. Please."

Bending down, he took just the tip in his mouth and sucked on it, swirling his tongue around the slit. Knowing Dean would want to move, he put his hands on Dean's hips. Slowly, he began to bob, an inch at a time, until he could go no further. He hummed, making Dean grab the sheets around him. Feeling pleased, he released with a pop and looked up. "Do you want to-?"

"God yes."

"You didn't even hear me out."

"Get the fucking lube." Dean growled then bit his lip.

Castiel found himself laughing and got up to get the small bottle from his nightstand. Dean had sat up on his elbows and watched looking nervous. "Love? Did I hurt you last time?"

Dean shook his head, "No..but.."

He climbed to Dean and kissed him slowly, loving that he could taste Dean's usual breakfast of a poptart. Reaching above Dean's head he grabbed a pillow, then tucked it underneath his hips. He placed a few kisses on Dean's hips, around where freckles appeared then leaned back once more to lube his fingers. Whenever he felt Dean tense, Cas let his other hand stroke Dean's cock until he relaxed enough to go further. It took less time, this time around but he made sure Dean was fully at ease until he crooked his fingers. Instantly, Dean jerked and tightened his grip on the sheets, when Cas got a good rhythm with his fingers he felt Dean wrap his hand on his and moved with him up and down his shaft. Castiel watched as Dean's head rolled back in pleasure.

"Dean?" He asked softly, pulling his fingers out slowly.

"You're really gonna talk now?"

"I-I" he stumbled on his words. "I know this wasn't the plan but..."

"Can you please just fuck me already? I'm dyin here, Cas."

"But-"

Dean laughed, "Cas. When does anything go according to plan in our lives?"

Smiling, Cas got up to grab a condom from his drawer. He tugged off his own boxers and rolled it onto his own ignored cock and covered it in lube.

"Is all this waiting just another way for you to watch me go crazy cuz, God. It's working."

"Trust me. If you wanna sit normally, you can wait." He promised, then kissed Dean in apology. "It's gonna feel so good, love. I promise."

"Just-" Dean complained, but then watched him carefully as he lined up with his hole.

Cas rubbed Dean's thighs, the teased his hole before pushing himself in. He tried keeping a straight face, but it was impossible, "You're so fucking tight."

Dean was too far gone to say anything, he could only watch and grab onto Cas' nearest arm.

Cas let Dean get used to him before he began to slowly, move. "Fuck." He muttered every time he pushed back in. Dean tried to keep eye contact but every time he got close, Cas hit his prostate and he had to start all over.

"Move." Dean gasped, "Faster. Holy shit."

Happy to oblige Cas leaned forward and held onto Dean's hips as he picked up the pace. He watched his lover's face turn into bliss and he pushed as far as he could go in. Wanting nothing more than to see Dean's face stay that way.

"I'm close." He found himself saying.

Dean nodded in agreement, but words failed him. Eagerly, Cas laid down, making their bodies flush against each other. Dean wrapped his legs over his waist and he was lost. Lost on Dean. No longer at a steady rhythm he pushed in and out of Dean like it was the only thing worth living for. He felt the other's nails scrape on his back and he found the nearest part of skin and bit down, "I'm coming." He groaned and let himself go.

It wasn't until he came back down, did he realize Dean had come as well, their stomachs covered in warm cum. He pulled out of Dean and sat up to tie off the condom, once it was in the trash, Dean pulled him back down to lay with him.

"We have amazing sex." Dean said in his ear, eyes still closed, savoring the moment.

Cas nodded, still feeling shaky from coming. They laid on their sides, staring at each other, grinning, then kissing when it became too much to only look. Soft 'I love you's were exchanged after every kiss, and Castiel felt his heart pound in his chest. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this happy.

"We need to shower." Cas said after they had cooled down, Dean laid on his chest in denial.

"We don't have to leave the bed." Dean said in a sing song voice.

Laughing, Cas grabbed Dean's phone from the nightstand and looked at the time. "We can still make our last class."

Dean groaned but sat up. "If I didn't have class with Kevin I'd say 'Fuck it' but I really have no idea what's going on in that class."

Cas lazily traced Dean's arms and let his fingers caress his back when he turned to stand up.

"Are you comin?" Dean asked with a wink, and wrapped a towel around his waist then proceeded to the bathroom."

He took one more deep breath and inhaled the smell of Dean all around him then followed suit into the bathroom. Dean already had the water going and shampoo in his hair, but stepped out of the main stream so Cas could wet himself down. After much kissing and not a lot of actual showering they got out and proceeded to get dressed. Dean finished first and sat on the bed until he was ready.

"Cas...we had sex...like right here, less than an hour ago."

Cas, walked to him and kissed him deeply, his hands curled in Dean's jacket to bring him closer, "We did. We had amazing. Great. Sexy. Sex." He laughed, "Now let's go to school."

"You just have to be a stick in the mud."

"But I'm your stick in the mud." Cas smiled, walking to kiss him again. ' _I'm never going to stop loving his lips_.' He thought, biting Dean's bottom lip and then sucking it.

"Angel." Dean breathed, "We gotta go to class." He sounded resentful of the notion but they both knew it was true.  


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...i got carried away. the next chapter is a bit long :P

Dean sat next to Kevin but his mind wasn't on the material in front of him. He was still thinking about Cas.

"Dean?" Kevin asked waving a hand in his face.

"What?"

"You haven't said anything for five minutes and you're smiling like someone gave you a free puppy."

"Oh." Dean thought of an excuse he could use but he was coming up blank. "Cas." He said, first thing on his mind.

"Yeah? Then things are going well then?"

"Yeah." Dean felt his cheeks rise with heat. "Yeah."

"Oh my god." Kevin was laughing. "You guys totally did it."

"What? No. Wh-what makes you think that?"

Kevin smiled, "Well. I'd first start with the near giggling, that, and you have a hickey the size South America."

"Giggling?!" Dean squeaked, "I don't giggle." He looked around the rest of the room and coughed slightly.

Kevin was laughing now, "Dean, every time Cas texts you to blush and look at your shoes."

Dean shoved him, "Shut up."

"So I was right?!" Kevin said, his voice going higher than normal.

"Shut your face." Dean grumbled but smiled.

"That's adorable."

"Kevin. Please, can we stop this? "

"So just tell me." Kevin offered, "And I'll stop."

Dean studied his friends face, "Fine." He lowered his voice. "Me and Cas. We uh.." He coughed, then spoke barely audible. "We had amazing. Gooood. We had great sex."

Kevin laughed loud enough that a few of his classmates turned their heads. This time Dean punched him properly. "Ouch!"

"You said you would shut up!!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm shutting up."

The rest of the hour Kevin spent teasing him. After every comment Dean promptly kicked him in the shin. At the end of class, Kevin was slightly limping, and pushed Dean into the door. "That was rude."

"You totally deserved it." Dean said smugly.

Catching up to Cas, who was in the library, Dean ran behind him and hugged him tightly. "Hey Angel." He said in his ear and kissed his cheek.

"Dean." Cas laughed, "That kinda hurts."

"Oh? Did I squeeze too tight?"

Cas stammered, "No...I-It's just...the scrapes on my back from this afternoon."

"Oooh. My bad." He released his boyfriend and stepped around to face him, "How was the one class you went to?"

"Not bad." Cas shrugged, "Ms. Koonz really enjoyed your essay."

Dean smiled and leaned his head into the other's shoulder. "Mmm?" He kissed Cas' neck softly, "Well I had some pretty great help on it."

"Will you stop." Cas laughed, "I'm sure you can live another half hour without making me want to push you into the janitor's closet."

"Stick in the mud." Dean pouted, "I'll go wait by the front doors, don't stay too long."

"I'll only be a few more minutes." Cas promised and pulled his jacket so he could meet his lips, "Wait for me."

"Always." Dean smiled and walked out of the library, with what he was sure was the dorkiest smile.  

Sam was already outside talking with Jessica and holding her hand like he was the luckiest person in the world. Casually, he walked out and gave a pat on the back to his brother.

"Jess." He said in a lofty voice, "Just because he hangs around you like a baby chick doesn't mean you have to date him."

Sam elbowed him sharply in the ribs, while Jess laughed. "Dean, come on. I'm not rude to Cas."

"That's cuz he's kick your sorry ass."

"The dude is like five inches shorter than me."

"I'm serious!" Dean defended.

"Well. Just cuz you bottom-"

It was Dean's turn to elbow his brother. "You know he beat up that Roman asshole. I'm sure your pastey fifteen year old ass wouldn't be a problem."

"Bottom?" Jess asked looking confused for a moment then covering her mouth, "Oooooh."

Dean felt his cheeks flush, "That's just a bonus." He said in what he hoped sounded offhanded.

"Sam." She complained with a smile, "Leave your brother alone."

"See Sammy. She is too good for you."

"Shuddap Dean." Sam rolled his eyes.

The boys started an argument over whose partner was better when Cas arrived, a stack of books in his arms. Dean ignored his brother's taunt, and rushed to his boyfriend. And grabbed a few books that looked like they were near falling.

"Hello." Cas gave a nod to the other two and with his newly freed hand he pushed his glasses back up his nose. "What are you arguing about now?" He asked Dean, pulling his jacket down so he could kiss him lightly.

"Who said I was arguing?" Dean scrunched his nose.

"You had that look on your face like you wanted to prove your point." Cas shrugged.

Sam laughed, "It's nothing."

"Whatever. Cas, guess what? Sammy doesn't think you could beat him up."

"I didn't mean-" Sam started but Cas started to laugh.

"Sam. Don't let Dean bother you. I think he just likes to show me off. But yes. Not that I ever would. But I'm sure I could knock you out."

Dean laughed and laid his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "I told you, Sammy." He said confidently, "God. I love you." He whispered in Cas' ears then kissed him on the cheek.

"Sooo." Sam said looking at the pair of them. "Dean really bottoms?"

Dean blushed, "Sammy!"

"Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Tell him." Cas encouraged, "It's uh...got its own pleasures."

"That's-that-Cas. Cas why-why would I say any of that to Sam."

Castiel laughed and kissed Dean in apology, "I'm sorry. I simply wanted your face to get that bright red color."

"That's so rude." Dean whined. "Can we go get food? I'm starving. I didn't really...uh...get lunch." His stomach growled and he looked shyly at his shoes.

"I could use a burger." Jess said happily, making Dean look up surprised.

"Never let her go." Dean said pointedly. Then led the rest to his car. "Cas. No onions."

"Dean." Cas said in the same stern voice. "No alcohol."

Sam laughed and agreed, "Please. I think you've had plenty the last few times we've gone."

**✻✻✻✻✻✻**

After a lengthy argument Dean agreed not to drink and Cas promised not to get onions on his sandwich, he did however agree to a few drinks from Jo, much to everyone's surprise.

Dean had only seen Cas drunk once, granted it had been his idea, but he also hadn't been sober at the time. It turned out Castiel was just as flirty as he was. His boyfriend laughed loudly, which was shocking to Sam who had never heard him raise his voice for anything.

"Cas." Dean laughed, "Shhhh."

"No." Cas shook his head. "I'm happy." He booped his nose then laughed again. "I love your nose."

"Is that what convinced you to date him?" Sam asked. "Cuz I dunno if you know, but he's kinda a dick."

Cas smiled, and pointed at Sam. "Sammy. Ah. Sam. You're funny. Dean. Dean." He turned his attention back and tried to focus on his face, "I uh. Hahahaha. I think your brother is hilarious. Hey Sam? Would you let me be your brother one day? I've never had a brother. But I think you'd make a good one."

Dean took hold of Cas' arm, just before he fell forward on the table. Giggling, Cas kissed him, Dean could taste the alcohol on his lips and pushed Cas back a bit. "I think we better get you home."

"Dean?" Sam asked, trying not to laugh at Cas, who was now staring at his fork like it was a new invention. "Can we go get me a suit today?

"Yeah, course. I gotta get Cas home though. I wouldn't trust him in a store right now."

Cas scoffed, "That's stupid. I feel great."

"I'm sure you do, but I think your mom might worry."

"Like she's ever home." Cas said with a faint sneer then blinked a few times. "Jess. Dean is right. You're way too pretty to be with little Sammy. I mean, yeah, he's tall and smart. But clearly, Dean is the hotter brother."

Sam blushed and Jess laughed, "As cute as I find Dean, I think he's taken."

Cas' eyes lit up in realization, "Yeah!" He turned back to Dean, "You have me! And I have you! Aw, I'm happy. Dean you should kiss me."

Dean obliged but kissed him softly, "There. Can we go?" Cas pulled him by his jacket and kissed him sloppily but sincerely, earning a groan from Sam who hated to watch them make out. Dean smiled on Cas' lips and pushed him back. "Angel? Are you ready?"

Cas nodded and made Sam drive, so that Dean could ride with him in the back. "Hey. Dean?" He asked sleepily, now laying on his shoulder. "Do you think..." He looked at Jess and Sam and lowered his voice, "Do you think he told her?"

"Told her what?" Dean asked in the same small voice.

Cas looked at him surprised, "That he loves her." He whispered in his ear.

"I dunno Cas...that's kinda-"

"Hey Sam!!" Cas said suddenly loudly, still next to Dean's ear.

Sam looked at Cas and smiled, "What's up?"

"Well currently the ceiling of this vehicle. But the real question is...well...Jess close your ears." He waited until Jess had plugged her ears then leaned forward to put his head on Sam's shoulder, "Did you tell her you love her?"

The car swerved slightly, making Cas sit himself back against the seat, leaning on Dean again. Sam looked at him then at his brother.

"Not yet...I was waiting for Friday."

"Jess!" Cas shouted, and Dean covered his mouth gently. Jess turned to look at him then smiled, and took Sam's free hand.

"Cas, inside voice." He scolded with a smile.

"Oh. right. I was just gonna tell her she can listen again." He shook his head then addressed the younger Winchester again, "I was gonna wait til Friday too but oh well."

"But...you guys already told each other..." Sam started confused.

"Nooo. Sammy. Sam. I was gonna wait to have sex with Dean until Friday."

"Didn't need to know..." Sam said looking at his brother and laughing.

"I was! I was gonna make him dinner, cuz you know when we go out to eat with all of us, he'll still be hungry later, then! Then! I was gonna watch a Disney movie. Then we'd make out. Then!" He announced with one finger in the air, "Then we'd have sex."

"Cas!" Dean cut in, "C'mon they don't need to know-"

"Dean!" Cas said with a big smile like he just remembered he was sitting next to him, "Dean...silly Dean. We're still gonna have sex on Friday. But now we're gonna do it everywhere."

"Oh-Kay!" Dean shushed him again, "That's enough from my drunk boyfriend. Sam are we there yet?"

"There was one time." Cas laughed more to himself, "One of the times you stayed I really wanted to fuck you against the wall."

"Cas!!!" Dean exclaimed. "Please. I swear to god. No more drinking for you. Jesus. I'm gonna kill Jo. What the hell did she give you?"

Cas shrugged, "Dean! It's my house!" He cheered when they pulled in his driveway.

Dean got out to help Cas into his house. Cas was still laughing, about what, Dean would never know. Then he nearly carried his boyfriend to his room and laid him on the bed, on his side, and had to untangle his arms from Cas' grip. He pulled Cas out of his coat and pants then he took off his glasses and put them on the nightstand.

"Cas?" Dean pulled a blanket over him, "I'll be back in like two hours. Call me if you need anything."

"I love you." Cas smiled.

"I love you too ya frikin dork." Dean laughed, "Get some sleep."

Cas clung to him and pulled him back for another kiss, "Dean. Love? I'll miss you."

"Two hours." Dean laughed and kissed Cas softly, "Sleep."

"Nailed it." Cas smiled. "I found one."

"Uh?"

"Love. I'm gonna call you love, Love."

Dean blushed, then pushed some stray hairs from his face. "I'm alright with that one."

"Fuck yeah." Cas smiled, then closed his eyes, "If you're not back in two hours I'm gonna be sad. You'll have to make it up to me."

"I'll be back." Dean promised and walked out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

**✻✻✻✻✻✻**

To his surprise, Sam had already gotten in the back with Jess and left the car ready for him the drive. Smiling, he sat in his Baby and ran his hands along her steering wheel. "Oh Baby, I'm sorry Sammy drove you."

Sam kicked the back of his chair forcefully and Dean chuckled to himself then drove to the Moore's. It was a much quieter drive without Cas, and Dean began humming a song under his breath while the two in the back talked. When the arrived Sam got out with his girlfriend and walked her to the door. Dean smiled proudly at his brother as he kissed her goodbye and gave Sam a knowing stare when he got back in the car.

"So you love this girl?"

"Yeah." Sam said, unblushing, "She's amazing. Dean she's so smart and pretty. What the hell does she see in me?" He laughed to himself.

"C'mon Sammy, you're a great guy. Better than I am." He joked and punched his brother in the arm. "Let's go get you an outfit."

Two stores later they finally found one that Sam like, and at a reasonable price. The drive home his brother was oddly quiet. Just when he was about to ask, Sam spoke up.

"How much to you remember of Cas?"

"Of drunk Cas?" Dean laughed, then saw his brother's unjoking face. "Uh. Bits and pieces. I'm sure it's far less than Cas remembers but uh. I remember I kissed him when I was like six."

"What?!"

"Yeah. And uh, Dad used to get real pissed when we'd hold hands."

"Does Cas know?"

Dean shrugged, "We talk about it sometimes, but it's not a main topic. Honestly?" He looked at his brother. "I'm just happy Cas wants me still."

"Dean. He loves you."

"I know! But like. I wasn't...I wasn't a nice person when he came back from that damn private school. I don't...I knew I recognized him somehow but I just...I was a jerk, and uh, I'm happy he didn't give up on me. Cuz damn. I love that stupid son of a bitch too."

Sam was smiling at him. "I'm glad you're happy."

"So.." Dean started, "This doesn't freak you out?"

"It's Dad that's the homophobe not me."

"I know but like, me? Dating a dude?"

"Dean. I've looked up to you as long as I can remember. And for real. Cas is not the first guy you ever checked out."

"What?!"

"Dean, I'm serious!"

"What you're say is that everyone knew I liked dudes but me?"

"That's what I'm sayin."

"Jesus..."

Sam punched him in the arm, "Also. Don't screw things up with Cas. I like him."

"I won't." Dean promised and dropped his brother off so he could go swing back by the Novak's and check on Cas.

The lights were still off in Cas' house, and he found himself closing the blinds and turning on the porch light, on his way to Cas' room. He gave a small knock on the door and found Cas asleep. One arm was draped over the bed and the other was curled next to him clutching his blanket tightly. He kissed Cas' forehead then sat on the other side of the bed to text his brother.

 **Dean** :Is Dad home?

 **Sam** : unfortunately.

 **Dean** : great. Did he say anything about me?

 **Sam** :...you don't wanna know.

 **Dean** : great.

 **Sam** : I wanna say thank you for the suit Dean. I know it took you awhile to save.

 **Dean** : no biggie. That's what brothers do.

 **Sam** : jerk. I'm trying to be nice.

 **Dean** : bitch, just accept it and I'll pick you up for school tomorrow. Also. If dad even looks like he's gonna hit you I want you to call me. I don't care what time it is.

 **Sam** : I think I'll be ok

 **Dean** : I'm serious.

 **Sam** : I know. I love you. Now go have butt sex with Cas. I'm sure he misses you.

 **Dean** : shuddap Sam.

Dean took off his shoes, pants, and jacket then laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Cas made a noise that acknowledged his presence and scooted so he could lay his head on his chest.

"You came back." Cas said happily, tracing the neck of his t-shirt.

"I said I would." Dean laughed and wrapped one arm around the other, "You still wasted?"

"Just tipsy I think." Cas smiled.

There was a knock at the door downstairs and they looked at each other. Neither wanted to get up. "I'm sure they'll just go away."

Cas laughed, "Who do you think it is?"

"I'm not psychic, Cas."

"Here, let me try." Cas stares at him like he was trying to solve a puzzle then gave up, "No you're not." He laid his head back down, "But you know who probably is?"

"Who?" Dean asked amused.

"Missouri."

"Hell yes. I'd believe that. Remember what she told us?"

"That we should totally kiss."

"Wrong." Dean said proudly, "She said we shouldn't change, ya know, cuz we held hands everywhere. That, and that maybe we really just liked each other."

"Oh yeah...I wanted you to kiss me."

"And I did." Dean smiled, then pulled Cas tighter. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"Never." Cas promised then leaned up to kiss him.

The doorbell rang this time and Cas complained loudly, "I am drunk. I am with my boyfriend. My mom is gone. Who the hell is here?"

Dean laughed and got up, "Let's go find out."

"Fine, but I'm not putting on pants."

"I don't think you could of you tried."

"Touché." Cas muttered and grabbed a blanket to wrap around himself.

Dean got to the door first and only opened it after a nod from Cas that it was okay. Once he saw who was there he slammed it back shut. Cas stood with a furrowed brow and Dean opened the door again.

Balthazar stood in the porch light, snow in his hair. Dean glared at him and wanted to punch him right there but the boy spoke.

"I didn't come here for you, Deano."

"No shit." Dean said sarcastically.

"Cassie." He turned to Cas who was still on the stairs.

"I don't care."

"Cassie. I came to say I'm sorry." Balth stepped into the house much to Dean's disapproval.

Dean grabbed Balthazar's collar. "He said. He doesn't care."

"Dean." Cas said softly, "Get him out."

Dean was walking Balthazar to the door when he spoke up again, "Cassie please. You really wanna end up with this." He glared at Dean like he was a dog misbehaving. "Cassie. I can give you so much more."

Dean dropped him, feeling a pang of truth ring in Balthazar's words.

Cas stumbled down the the stairs but regained his composure at the foot. "I said. I don't care. And get the hell out of my house."

Balthazar looked at Dean quizzically, "You got him drunk? You got lil Cassie to drink?!"

This was the last he got out before Cas pushed Dean aside and punched Balthazar squarely in the face. "Hell yes I'm drunk." He said proudly, then pointed to Dean, "You insulted my boyfriend. You showed up after I told you no. And. I-I believe I already told you to fuck off." He looked at Dean, "I told him that right?"

Dean only nodded, he'd only ever seen Cas punch one other person, and he had caught them off guard. Castiel walked right up to Balthazar and fully hit him in the face. He felt himself smiling a little and stood behind Cas to look at Balth who was now on the floor staring incredulously.

"Go." Dean said shrugging and pulling Cas with him, "I won't stop him if he tries to punch you again."

Balthazar had one hand on his nose and the other steadying himself. "Mark my words, Cassie, darling.  When trailer trash here screws up, you'll regret hitting me."

"He said!" Dean said loudly, "Fuck off! You lost. He's mine."

"Cassie. You can't be serious."

Cas offered a hand to help Balthazar up then guided him to the door. "Balth. I'd really rather not hit you again, mostly cuz that hurt my hand, but I swear one more remark about Dean and I will punch you in the face again."

"Fine." Balthazar huffed. "I won't be in contact."

"What a tragedy." Dean said sarcastically, earning a little smile from his boyfriend.

Once on the porch, Cas faced his ex, "Whatever we were. I have lost any sort of feelings for you. So, next time," he smiled at Dean, and giggled, "Next time you interrupt cuddle time, Dean will punch you."

Dean walked over and closed the door for Cas, and pulled him into a hug, "This is why you shouldn't drink."

Cas leaned back against him, "What do ya mean? That was real cute."

"What was cute about it?"

Laughing, Cas looked up at him, "Your face. You were so shocked I hit him. Oh! But really, my hand kinda hurts. Do we have ice?"

"Cas, this your house, I feel like you should know the answer to that one." Dean chuckled and led the other into the kitchen. He put Cas in a chair, and dug around for a plastic bag, then filled it with ice. "Here." He took Cas' hand and held the bag there.

"It's cold." Cas complained.

"That's what ice does."

"I don't like it." Cas pouted. "Kiss it better."

"Cas we aren't five."

"Kiss it!" Cas said eyes wide, then laughed, "Dean...Dean, just kiss my hand."

Rolling his eyes, Dean removed the ice and kissed Cas' knuckles. In doing so, Castiel laughed again then pulled him into a kiss. There was still a hint of alcohol on his lips but Dean didn't care. "Hey, you wanna go watch a movie?"

"Can't we just make out until I fall asleep?"

"That will be like five minutes." Dean laughed, "I'll turn on a movie and we can make out until you fall asleep and then I can still watch a movie."

"That's cheating."

"How?" Dean asked amused at Cas' wrinkled expression.

"Cuz. You get to do more things."

"We can do more things when you get up. First, I'm gonna get you some water, cuz dry mouth sucks and you don't wanna add it to your hangover."

"So bossy." Cas complained but accepted the water anyway.

After Cas complained there was too many stairs, they sat on the couch in the living room. Dean picked a Disney movie at random and then joined Castiel back on the couch, Cas didn't even make it to the kissing part. His head rested on Dean's shoulder and a few minutes later, he was snoring softly. Shaking his head, Dean pulled the throw blanket from the back of the couch and pulled it over Cas.

**✻✻✻✻✻✻**

Not an hour later, Anna came home and smiled at him, "How is he?"

"Uh..." Dean didn't know if he should tell her or not, "He had a few drinks and fell asleep." He decided to go with honesty.

Anna smiled, "I'll trust you with him. Would you like dinner?" She asked, hanging her coat up by the door.

"Oh. You don't have to..."

"Nonsense, I'm making it for me anyway. You like pasta?"

Dean nodded and thanked her. She disappeared into the kitchen and he turned his attention back to the film until she called him into the other room. Carefully he lifted Cas' head and laid it down on a pillow then walked into the kitchen. Nervously he shuffled in and found Anna already eating.

"You can dish what you'd like then we'll leave the rest for Castiel."

Dean smiled and helped himself. He sat across from her at the table and then panicked, he had no idea what he was going to talk about with her. He search his day for topics; ' _I had sex with Cas, that's a no, I took Sammy shopping...maybe...Cas got drunk...noope. Cas punched Balthazar..._ '

"You ready for Friday?" Anna asked.

"Yeah!" Dean answered quickly. "Um, yeah. We actually have a pretty big group going."

"Who is all going? I haven't had much time to talk to Castiel about it."

"Oh, um. My brother and his girlfriend, and uh, my friend Jo with my other friend Vic, and uh, Charlie and her I think...I think it's her girlfriend..." He thought for a moment. "Oh! And Kevin is going with Adam."

"That sounds fun." She smiled. "What colors did you guys decide?"

"We're just gonna do gray...we couldn't pick between green and blue."

"Classy." She noted.

"Yeah..." Dean relaxed a little until he realized he was once again out of topics.

"Mom?" Cas asked, blinking at the light. "When did you get here?"

"Not long ago. I made food if you'd like."

Cas looked at him to see if that was a good idea. Dean shrugged, "You should be fine. Just don't over eat."

Gratefully, Cas grunted and got a bowl and sat next to Dean, yawning. "How long was I out?"

"Not long, little over an hour I think." Dean shrugged, "How you feelin?"

"Sleepy." Cas said and smiled, still half awake.

Dean found himself watching Cas eat rather than eating himself. He loved Cas' bed head, it made his usual sex hair look neat and trimmed. ' _His actual sex hair though._ ' Dean smirked, after his hands and been pulling at it and his lips were dry from kissing. ' _God. And that look in his eye when he's close._ '

"Dean tells me you guys chose the color gray?"

Dean was brought back to the moment at the mention of his name. ' _Concentrate. Do not get a boner while sitting at this table_.'

"Yeah," Cas agreed then, looked at him, and tilted his head. "What?"

"Nothin." Dean said quickly and put all his attention on his food.

Cas smiled at him like he knew what he was thinking. Dean turned away, ' _He's a fuckin mind reader._ '

He let Anna talk to Cas for awhile, and finished, then stood up to clean his bowl. Cas was soon behind him and smiled Dean's favorite smile. The one that said, 'I'm happy you're standing beside me.' His stomach filled with butterflies and he dropped the fork he was cleaning. "My bad."

Cas laughed and picked up the fork, "I thought I was the one drinking."

"Shut up." Dean smirked and pushed Cas with his hip. "You still tired?"

Cas shook his head, "Nah. You wanna go for a walk?"

"It's freezing!"

"You can borrow a coat."

Dean frowned, "Can't we just watch the snow."

"No. I need some fresh air and I really should work on my project some more. Let's go before it's too late."

"Caaaas."

Cas kisses him gently, "Let's go."

"Fine." Dean smiled, "Only because you're adorable."

"Don't be gone too long. You might catch a cold." Anna said behind them.

Dean jumped, he had forgotten she was sitting there. "Yes Ma'am." He answered quickly. Anna and Cas looked at each other and laughed. "What'd I do?"

"Dean, I don't think anyone has ever called me ma'am. Relax a little."

"Yes ma-uh Mrs. Novak."

Castiel laughed and pulled Dean with him into the living room so they could bundle up. Once again, Cas pulled a beanie over his head and pulled Dean down to kiss him.

"I really like kissing you." Cas grinned.

Dean chest tightened, "I uh. I like it too." He managed a smile then opened the door for Cas, "Let's get this over with." Dean took Cas’ hand as soon as they were out the front door. “Where to?”

“Anywhere.” Cas smiled, “You look so cute in the snow.”

“I’m not cute. I’m handsome.”

“Damn cute.” Cas said, squeezing his hand. “We could go swing.”

Dean shrugged and walked lazily with his boyfriend, Cas had been right, it was nice to walk out in the snow, it was cold, and you couldn’t see very far ahead of you but there was something peaceful about watching the falling snowflakes. When they reached the swings, Dean brushed off two seats with his sleeve and then sat and swung slowly. “Why do you like this park so much?”

“It’s where we first hung out.” Cas said shrugging, “Super lame, and you probably don’t remember, but...you guys were my first friends.”

“I’m sorry you have real shitty friends.” Dean laughed, “In all seriousness. I am getting more little things back....I think having you around helps.” Dean paused, “The only downfall is I also remember some shitty stuff I blocked out.”

Cas stared at him solemnly, “I’m sorry, I won’t pressure you about it ever. You know that right?” He took Dean’s hand again, “I like you for who you are now Dean.”

“You’re so cheesy!” Dean laughed but swung sideways to kiss Cas lightly on the cheek. “Also, we need to get you a new hat, that one squishes you hair too much.”

“Squishes my hair? Does hair squish?”

“Yes.” Dean nodded, “It doesn’t look right when it’s all flat. You look more serious.”

Cas squinted, “Serious? Are you saying I look different because my hair sticks up?”

“Yes. You’re sexy when your hair is all over the place.”

“OOOh.” Cas said in realization, “I get it. It gets you all worked up cuz you call it my ‘sex hair’...by chance...is that what you were thinking about at dinner?”

Dean felt his embarrassment rise but he turned his attention to the slide in front of him rather than Cas. “I dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Psht.” Cas scoffed and hopped off the swing. He stood in front of Dean and grabbed hold of the chains to stop him. He then carefully climbed onto Dean’s lap with his legs dangling opposite of Dean’s so he was sitting comfortably. Smiling, he leaned to kiss Dean.

It was frustrating not being able to hold Cas while they were kissing. His hands were still covered by Cas’ on the chain and all he could do was sit there and kiss him back. Castiel it seemed didn’t find this difficult at all and somehow managed to slowly move his hips back and forth, driving him crazy. “Jesus.”

“Again, I prefer the name-”

Dean stopped him and forced his hands out from underneath the others and cupped Cas’ face. “Stop talking.” Dean laughed and kissed the other deeply. Cas’ warm lips were a comfort from the contrasting weather around them, and for a moment he thought he could sit there forever. Until, Cas let go of the swing as well, making Dean fall backwards onto the freezing ground. He would’ve reached for his head but Cas was already holding it.

“Dean! I’m so sorry!” He said quickly, rubbing his head, “I don’t feel any bumps...but it was literally two seconds ago so who knows. Am I in focus? What’s my name? Oh my god. I’m sorry. Your hands were on my face and I just wanted to hold you and...this was a bad idea. I’m sorry.”

“Cas. Dear god. Can I get a word in?” He laughed, “I’m fine. Just a bit cold now…can we get up though? I’m also laying in the snow, and it’s currently melting down my back.”

Cas kissed his neck, giving him shivers, not from the snow, “Would you like to go...warm up?” he whispered in his ear.

“God yes.” Dean breathed heavily. “Get off so we can go back to your place, and I can get that damn coat off of you.”

“What’s wrong with my coat?”

“It’s soooo puffy. I can’t even reach your damn hips.”

“My hips?”

Dean nodded, “They’re perfect.”

“Now who is the cheesy one?” Cas laughed, he rolled to the side, and then helped Dean up as well.

“Yeah yeah.” Dean shook his head getting rid of any snow that was stuck to it, “Can we go have sex now?”

“Is that all you want me for now, Winchester?”

“Not at all,” Dean said, leaning close enough to touch their noses together, “I love you. I love your stupid dorkiness, your art, your sass, your goddamn beautiful smile, and that fucking head tilt when you’re confused. God, I love your hair, and your eyes, I swear to god they’re perfect.”

“These glasses say otherwise.” Cas said with a straight face.

“Shuddap.” Dean laughed and took off his glasses, “I’ll just keep these in my pocket if you’re not gonna appreciate what I’m saying.”

Cas scrunched his nose and followed Dean’s arm, “Very funny, give them back!” He giggled, “I’ll push you down in the snow again.”

“Rude.” Dean conceded and placed them back on his boyfriend’s face, then kissed him slowly. Letting himself simply taste the other. Cas bit his lip, and it felt like the world was spinning. “Maybe it’s from hitting my head...but I’m super dizzy.” Dean laughed pulling away. “Please. Can we go get warm now?”

The way back to Cas’ house involved a lot of stops along the way to kiss. Dean felt like he was in some cheap chick flick movie but he couldn’t say no when Cas tugged him to a tree or under a streetlamp. Dean was just about to push Cas onto a car when someone started yelling at him.

“Don’t you dare do that Dean Winchester!”

Dean looked up to see Missouri standing on her porch. “How the hell did we end up by her house, and,” he lowered his voice, “How’d she know I was gonna push you on that car.”

Cas laughed, “I told you. She’s psychic.”

“I’m sorry, Miss Missouri!” He called back to her, and looked down at his shoes. “You got me in trouble Cas.”

“How is it my fault?”

Dean laughed and kissed his cheek shyly, “You’re so goddamn sexy.” Cas kissed him and he felt his head spin again.

“You boys gonna come in or should I go back to my show?”

Cas shrugged, “Yeah, we’ll come in for a minute.” When Dean looked at him, he only smiled, “It’s warm in there.”

“Your bed is warmer,” Dean muttered under his breath but let Cas pull him into the house.

Missouri’s house smelled as it always did, like cinnamon and fresh air. Dean took off his shoes by the door, knowing she’d probably throw him back into the snow if he dared even step over her threshold with snowy boots. Cas did the same and they waited patiently for her to invite them further in.

“It’s nearly midnight boys, what are you doin out this late?”

“Mostly making out.” Dean said casually.

Cas blushed, “Um. Why are you up so late, Miss Missouri?”

Their old babysitter laughed, “You boys don’t change do you.”

“Whadda mean?” Dean asked.

“Ever since I can remember, Dean here would rather just spit out what’s on his mind and Cas here would rather change the topic.”

“Well.” Dean scoffed, “You haven’t seen a drunk Cas.” Dean rolled his eyes thinking about their drive home from the Roadhouse and Cas spouting about all their sexual exploits.

“Dean Winchester.” She said sternly, “Did you get this boy drunk?”

“Only once!” Dean defended, “This last time was totally his choice. Cas, Angel? You gonna back me up here?”

Castiel was laughing, and covering his face, “I was in a good mood. It’s true. I’m sorry Miss Missouri.”

“Boys.” She shook her head, “I just heated some hot chocolate, would you like some?”

“Yes please!” Dean sang.

Half an hour later, she sent them on their way. Hand in hand they walked slowly, no longer in a hurry to get back. Cas yawned, and laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Wanna just sleep?”

“That’s a difficult question.” Cas said between another yawn, “I wanna totally hit this.” he poked Dean’s stomach, “But I wanna sleep and we have school tomorrow.”

“Damn school.” Dean laughed. “But I’m on board with sleeping. I swear she drugged that hot chocolate. I feel like I could sleep for days.”

“Really? I feel more like...a cloud...but warm.”

Dean laughed, and tugged Cas with him across the street, “Let’s just go to sleep.”

“I’m okay with that.”

Within ten minutes they were curled up in Cas’ bed, a second blanket added to block the cold, and tangled together. Dean tried to convince Cas it was purely to keep warm, and not for cuddling, but Cas only rolled his eyes and kissed him softly. As Dean had predicted, now that he was warm and laying down, he fell asleep within minutes.


	56. Chapter 56

The room was spinning, Cas sat up and winced at the light streaming through his blinds. He pushed the off button on his alarm, groaning, he laid back down and curled his head under Dean's arm.

"How's your head?" Dean asked, his eyes were still closed but he smiled at him.

"Everything sucks." Cas scooted closer, "Can we skip school?"

"No. You missed basically all day yesterday."

"When did you become the responsible one?"

"Since my adorkable boyfriend drinks and skips class."

"See. I coulda sworn that was you." Cas said sarcastically.

Dean laughed, "Let's go shower. We gotta pick up Sammy."

Cas grunted again but followed Dean into the bathroom. Sleepily he laid on Dean under the stream, nearly falling asleep once again. Dean got him up, and helped him out of the shower. "You don't need to dress me." He laughed when Dean pulled some of his clothes to his dresser.

"Oh I know." Dean shrugged, "I'm simply helping your fashion sense."

"That's ridiculous. I look fine."

Dean smiled at him mischievously, "Maybe I just wanna show off how sexy my boyfriend is."

"Then you'd have more people to fight off." Cas rolled his eyes.

"But I like fighting people."

Laughing, Cas kissed him softly, "Get dressed you dork we have to leave."

"No breakfast?"

"Well. I'm having coffee but there may be a pop tart in the pantry-"

"Fuck yeah!" Dean smirked, "Hurry up slowpoke." He tosses a shirt at him and pulled on his jeans.

Cas had to admit the outfit that Dean had picked was more comfortable than what he usually wore. In an oversized hoodie and a pair of jeans he'd only worn a couple of times. Even better, with his coat, he found he was warmer than usual but felt small in so many layers.

Sam, as usual, was in a bright mood. He talked with Cas about which science, math, and history classes to take the following year.

"I don't claim to be an expert on classes, Sam. I'm sure whatever you take you will enjoy."

"Yeah..." Sam agreed, "But I'm worried about after school. Like what college am I gonna go to?"

"You are only a freshman, there's no need to panic about it yet." Cas laughed, and smiled at Dean, who had been staring at him and looked away blushing slightly.

"Where do you wanna go to school?" Sam asked earnestly.

"I haven't even thought about it." He answered honestly. "I...I think I'd like to stay close...for my mom...and I'm not very good at the whole, introducing myself to new people." He turned in his seat to look at Sam, "Really, I'll probably just end up at the community college until I figure it out."

Dean shifted in his seat, catching his attention. There was a look on Dean's face that he couldn't place and he wanted to ask what was wrong but they had arrived at the building and Sam eagerly pointed at Jess and begged Dean to stop the car. Obliging, Dean slowed and let Sammy out then found a parking spot.

"Dean?" He asked, catching up to the other who had walked towards the front doors without saying a word to him. "Dean?" He said again, catching his hand and slowing him down. "You wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"It's nothin." Dean smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Dean..." Cas implored again. Before he could say more Charlie caught up with them.

"Guys! Hey! I meant to call this weekend but I was kinda biz-eh if you know that I mean." She winked. "Anyway, I just talking with Kevin and he thinks we should just eat at the roadhouse before the dance. I was cool with it but I just wanted to clear it with everyone first."

"Not the fanciest place." Dean smirked. "I'll talk to Jo and Sam."

"Deano. You're the best." Charlie made a Vulcan salute and walked slowly backward, "Peace out, bitches, see you at lunch."

Once she was out of earshot, Dean turned to him, "Is that a super lame place to go? We can go somewhere more...I dunno...fancy-"

"It's fine." Cas shrugged, "You know I always love a good burger and why not? We go there all the time."

"Exactly!" Dean said quickly, "I mean I know we don't go many places...and I wanna ya know...take you places...if that's too...informal...then-"

"Dean." Cas said calmly, "It's perfect. I'm just happy to go with you. Just clear it with Sam and Jo and we should be good."

"Right." Dean said in a low voice, "Really, Cas, we don't have to-"

"Shhh." Cas stopped him, and kissed him. "You keep saying I talk too much. Now. I gotta go to class. But lunch, we're gonna make out, so don't bail on me, Winchester."

"Never." Dean smiled, the same smile from before, the one that didn't quite fill his whole face. He leaned to kiss him once more, gave a light squeeze on his hand then headed off to class without another word.

Castiel tried to put it out of his mind, ' _It's probably just me, my head is a bit fuzzy right now...I'll talk to him at lunch if he's still...'_

"Castiel?" Someone asked beside him.

He looked up, confused, Victor was standing next to him. "Oh. Hello."

Victor smiled at him, "How you been?"

"Um good."

"Did Dean tell you we're gonna hitch onto your bandwagon for the dance?"

"Yes!" Cas smiled, "I was just talking to Charlie actually. She was wondering if everyone would be fine just eating at the roadhouse for dinner?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll check with Jo. I mean, she owns the place so we'll probably get a discount...and booze." He laughed, "Anyway. I just wanted to say 'hey' and uh. Thanks for keepin an eye on Deanie."

"Oh." Cas said, slightly lost, "Was...I mean...I don't think I really did anything."

"Nah." Victor shook his head, "You got me all wrong. I just mean, he seems happy, ya know? Anyway. See you 'round Cas."

"The same to you, Victor."

"Call me Vic." The boy laughed and waved to him and he walked away.

Thoroughly confused and slightly dizzy, Cas sat down in his seat for Government but found he couldn't focus on anything his teacher was saying, ' _No more drinking._ ' He turned in his assignment as usual, but then felt himself zone out to everything around him. He winced at the lights and laid his head on the desk. ' _I really need to stop drinking._ ' He told himself and let his head rest on the cool desk.

Second period was slightly better, only because Charlie was with him now. He took comfort in her regular conversation and did his best to answer normally.

"You alright?" She asked mid-way through class.

He smiled at her, "Perfectly, I confess, I'm a bit hungover."

"Did Dean?!"

"No!" He hurried, "Completely my choice. Dean was the sober one actually."

"Wow, crazy." She noted, "Anywaysss." She continued, "Give it up, lemme see how far you've gotten on your project that you're gonna turn in."

"Charlie, that's for Drawing and we're clearly in Painting."

"Shut up." She laughed, pushing him lightly, "I know you've got it on you."

Shyly, Cas dug out his notebook and showed her the rough draft he'd been sketching. The full version was still at his house, but he couldn't stop changing his mind on little things.

"This is gorgeous." She said in a small voice. "I love the angel wings."

"Yeah? It's not weird that they're...ya know...broken?"

"I like it." She said looking up at him with a smile, "Makes you think. Maybe...maybe even the perfect ones struggle."

"So, it's not too religious for school?"

"Dude. We study religion in our art classes because they reflect time periods. I think you're good. Plus. It's for a competition. I'm sure you could draw a full nude of Dean and they'd love it."

Castiel felt his face burn, "How did you-"

"Cas. I've known Dean for awhile. I think I recognize his back when I see it."

"Right." Cas said awkwardly and turned back to his current work. He could still feel Charlie's eyes on him but he didn't really wanna talk about sketching Dean. It had been almost personal when he decided to use Dean as his model and felt like now he might have been simply bias by using his boyfriend.

"It's great." Charlie said seriously, "Really. I don't think anyone will notice unless they know Dean really well."

"Thanks." He said softly, he looked at her sideways then turned back to his work again. Time passed, and before he knew it the bell had rung releasing them to lunch. Quickly he packed his things and headed out the door. Charlie yelled something to him about finding his boyfriend but he ignored her and hurried quickly to find Dean.

Dean stood in the doorway of the lunchroom and smiled halfheartedly but hugged him tight. Castiel held him back and took the time to simply enjoy Dean's scent, breathing it in before he stood back a little to kiss him.

"Hello, Love."

Dean blushed and looked at his shoes, "Cas...people can hear you..."

"I know." Cas shrugged, "I like showing you off too."

Dean smiled, and together they made their way through the line, then finally sitting at a table in the corner. Cas held Dean's hand and ate with his other. Soon, Charlie and Sam joined them, Jess tagging along as well. Dean asked Sam his opinion on where to eat, who agreed instantly. Cas gave a small squeeze to Dean's hand, hoping he'd get the message that there was no need to worry about it any longer.

When they'd finished eating, Cas said goodbye to his friends but dragged Dean with him out of the lunchroom. "C'mon Winchester. We have a date to keep."

He led Dean to an old art hallway, where not even Chuck bothered to patrol. Once he was sure no one else was around he pushed Dean gently against the wall and kissed him slowly, he hoped whatever Dean was feeling, maybe he could distract him for at least a little while. He did love having sex with Dean but he also loved simply kissing him as well. Their kisses were long, deep, then quick again. Instinctively, he stepped closer to Dean, slotting their legs and rolling his hips slightly, just enough to make him moan.

"Cas." Dean breathed heavily when he moved to ensure the mark he'd left on Dean's neck didn't go away too quickly. "Ah, fuck. Cas. Oh my God. Cas." Dean reached his hips and pulled them with his own and began rolling them together, then found his mouth again, and kissed him gently.

"Dean." Cas whispered after a moment. "We gotta stop. I don't have any lube and at this rate I'm gonna wanna fuck with or without it."

"I hate when you're right." Dean laughed and let Cas step back. "This was your idea."

"Yeah. But who said all my ideas were brilliant?" He asked with a smile, he seated himself on the floor and patted next to him for Dean to join. Dean slid down the wall, and once seated, rested his head on Cas' shoulder. "Sooooo." He said slowly, "You gonna tell me what's going on?"

Dean inhaled, then exhaled deeply, like he was thinking about what he wanted to say. "I'm sorry I'm not better."

"Dean. You're perfect."

"No! I'm not! I think...I mean...I got a bit depressed when you guys were talking about college today. I mean, I wanna go, but I don't have the money to send both me and Sam. And Sam has it all planned out, ya know? And I'm happy he's that way. Damn, he's a smart kid." He paused and took another deep breath, "I-I don't want you to feel like you need to go to a close college to stay with me. I mean I can drive to see you...or maybe we'll live together, but I don't wanna be the reason you get stuck here."

Castiel felt his throat close a little, "Dean." He said softly.

"I mean. I know I'm gonna be here in this town forever. I don't even know what I wanna go into so it's not like I should spend the money anyway. I'm gonna work full time with Bobby when we graduate, so I can save for Sam. I'm not worried about that...I guess I just don't wanna hold you back from anything. You're frikin smart Cas, and you're talented. You could go anywhere.

"Dean." He said again, this time laughing a little. He placed a small kiss to Dean's head then finished, "I was serious this morning. I really haven't thought about college, and I really do worry about being far from my mom. What if-what if something happens again and I'm not around? But that's beside what I wanted to say." He tipped Dean's chin up to look at him, "I want you to go to college. Not because it's the thing to do but because I think you would do well. You're smart too, and you have such an easier time talking to people, you have wonderful ideas and that last paper you wrote? All I did was structure it. You're. Smart. You have just as much reason to go as Sam."

"But I can't afford-"

"I'm not saying you need to take a full load of classes, but will you promise me you'll at least try to go?"

Dean nodded and turned his head back away, "Are we gonna live together?"

"If you would like, I know I would love your company."

"Same." Dean laughed, and sniffed a little, "Sorry I panicked."

"Nothing to apologize for." Cas smiled and tugged Dean closer. "I love you Dean Winchester, no matter what you choose. I just want you to be happy."

"I know." Dean said then laughed, "Can I come sit with you in the library fourth hour?"

"Course." Cas promised, "Just no kissing in front of the crazy librarian."

"Never." Dean chuckled, he got up, then pulled Cas to his feet as well. "Thanks."

"For?"

"Cheering me up."

"It's my job." Cas smiled, he pulled Dean's chin forward to kiss him. "Let's go. We're gonna be late."

Walking behind him, Dean slumped on his shoulder the entire way to his next class. When they reached his classroom, Cas turned him around to kiss him once. Dean smiled his first true smile since the car ride that morning, making Cas' heart leap a little. He waved bye and went into his class feeling better about their relationship.

Halfway through class he felt his attention falling rapidly, he pulled his sketchbook from his backpack again, and played with different positions for the wings. He sketched a falling feather and looked down at his hand, there was a small bruise on a few of his knuckles, and he squinted, trying to remember what had happened. "Oh my god." He whispered, then looked up to see if anyone heard him. He pulled out his phone quickly and texted Dean.

 **Cas** : I punched Balth didn't I?

 **Dean** : yes you did. I approved.

 **Cas** : there's a bruise on my knuckles.

 **Dean** : I told you kissing it better wasn't going to work.

 **Cas** : Was I rude? Was I offensive? Was he offensive?

 **Dean** : you were fine Cas. (In every sense of the word ;D) he wouldn't leave, he called me trash, and you punched him.

 **Cas** : he did what!? and all I did was punch him????

 **Dean** : you fought bravely, good knight. Ha. Chill. It's all good.

 **Cas** : I'm sorry, he shouldn't have said those things. You're perfect Dean.

 **Dean** : I'm really not...Oops! My teacher's mad I'm texting. See u in a bit.

Cas smiled at his phone, darkened the screen, and put it back in his pocket. His own teacher eyed him carefully but didn’t say anything. Meekly, he turned back to his notebook and pretended to take notes. He wasn’t too concerned with the material. They were covering Shakespeare currently, and he had already read them the previous year for fun. Aimlessly, he went back to filling in the detail to the left wing and nearly tuned out the bell that released them from class. He gathered his things back up, and waited for most of the class to file out before he went out the door as well.

Keeping alongside the wall, he made his way to the library. A few girls giggled as he went by, and a few boys sneered but he was too out of it to really care. He had just rounded his last corner when an arm reached out in front of his path to stop him.

“Well. If it isn’t homo number one.” Roman laughed, and stood in front of him.

Castiel sighed, he really wasn’t in the mood, “Can we not today? I’m rather hungover and I don’t really care what you have to say.”

“What? Scared of me without your man around to save you?”

Rolling his eyes, he crossed his arms, “I believe I was the one who punched you,and gave you a nosebleed. Why would I need Dean around to do that for me? If you’d like I can break your nose this time. My hand is already bruised from punching another person who pissed me off. May as well.” He squared his shoulders and was pleased that the other backed off slightly

“I think this one has a bit too much sass. What do you boys think? Should we teach him a lesson about respecting his superiors?” Roman said smugly, calling around his posse.

“Ha!” Castiel made himself laugh, “You are scared of a person who is in fact shorter than you, and widthwise, much smaller, and yet you call around five other boys to help you discourage him? You sad soul.”

Roman flustered a bit, then put up a hand to the boy behind him, to stop him from advancing, “You really think. That you could take me?”

“Yes.” Castiel said plainly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a class to go to.” he walked around them, only to be cut off by Roman sidestepping him.

“I don’t think I said you could leave.” He mused, then pushed him against a locker.

Anger boiling, he growled, “I have a hangover, and you just rammed my head into a locker. You best run now or I won’t hold back.”

“Oh I’m so scared.” the taller boy said sarcastically.

Fully annoyed, Cas dropped his backpack to the floor and punched him square in the nose, then in the stomach, and finally, kneeing him in the balls. “Now.” He said, when Roman was on the floor, “I really have to go to class.” He picked up his things again and walked around the group eyeing each one, ready to repeat his actions if necessary. Once around the group of boys he ran into Chuck, “Balls.” He cursed, and waited for the verdict.

“What...what happened?” Chuck asked quizzically looking from Cas to the boy still on the floor.

“He pushed me and I defended myself.” he said with a straight face.

Chuck looked at Roman and winced a little, “Um. I’m gonna send a note home to your mom...but uh...just go to class.”

“All I was tryin to do.” Cas sighed and walked to class, yawning.

Dean was waiting for him by the doors into the library and stared at him oddly. “Where you been?”

Cas simply held up his hand that was slightly red, and more bruised, “I ran into Dick Roman.”

“You alright?” Dean asked, taking his hand and massaging it lightly.

“Course.” Cas smiled, “He pushed me into a locker and I couldn’t let him have that.”

Dean winced, “Remind me not to piss you off, Cas.”

Cas laughed lightly, “I’m not this bad usually I promise. I’m gonna blame it on the alcohol.”

They walked into the library holding hands, not daring to do more in case Cas got into trouble. Dean set himself up on a table in the middle of the room while Cas finished all the work that he was given that day. Every few times he passed, Cas would kiss Dean lightly on the cheek when he knew he wasn’t being watched. He knew it was only because Dean was around but he felt much better, even though his mouth was dry, his head hurt, and everything was slightly spinning.Finally, he was done, and joined Dean.

“You were right. Ms. Koonz liked my essay. I wanted to say thanks for the help. I really suck at this sorta thing.”

Cas shook his head, “You’re actually very good. You just lack practice.” He took one of Dean’s hands casually, and caressed it with his thumb, “Did you get a chance to talk to Jo at all?”

“Yeah actually!” Dean smiled, “She’s cool with it. Her mom even agreed to let us have that large booth in the corner. You know the giant one that is basically a wall?”

“I’ve always wanted to sit there.” Cas smiled, “Well. Sleep there, but eating there will work too.”

Dean laughed, “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“We have the whole rest of the day.”

“I know.” Dean shrugged, “That doesn’t stop you from being cute now.”

“Here. I’ll stop being cute.” Cas smirked and then instantly put on a straight face. “Dean. Did you know that bee’s have two stomachs? One is purely for storing nector and the other fuctions as a usual stomach.”

“What is up with you and bee’s?”

“I just think they’re neat.”

Dean snorted, “See. Still cute. It’s not working!” he complained.

“Alright. Collectively, American’s eat about a hundred pounds of chocolate every second.”

“Jesus.” Dean smiled, “Where do you store this knowledge and why?”

Cas shrugged, “There is a large variety of things you learn from the internet without really looking too hard. Really though, bee’s are far more interesting than the general consumption of sweets.”

“Fuck it.” Dean laughed, he pulled his hoodie, then looked at his lips once then kissed him gently. Within seconds there was a loud cough from the librarian and Dean leaned back, “Worth it.”

“You’re adorable.” Castiel said plainly, “But I’d really rather not get in more trouble then I already am today.”

“Fine.”

“You wanna go get our ties today?” Cas asked, trying to change the subject so he wouldn’t keep thinking about Dean’s lips.

Dean smiled, “I see what you’re doin there...but yeah. I think we should get you a bowtie and and I’ll have a regular one.”

“Please. You’d look so much better in a bow tie.” Cas grinned, “If you insist on not wearing one, it will just make it easier to pull you down to kiss.”

“See. I’m totally okay with that.” He chuckled, and took his hand again. “For real though, if you ever mention our sex life to Sammy again I will not kiss you for a week.”

“Fair enough.” Cas smiled, and leaned to kiss his boyfriend again, unable to resist.

There was a thump of a book on a counter, “Castiel!” the librarian said sharply.

“Now you’ve done it.” Cas rolled his eyes, and kissed Dean again before going over to receive his censure from his teacher.


	57. Chapter 57

Dean stood in the parking lot, holding Cas’ hand. Cas was staring at the building looking for Sammy to come out, but Dean couldn’t help but stare at his boyfriend. Cas’ nose was pink from the cold, his dark eyelashes were catching stray snowflakes that had managed to get past his glasses. He smiled subconsciously when he gazed at the other’s lips, they were their usual pink color, and slightly chapped.

“What are you staring at?” Cas asked confused.

“Nothin.” Dean said quickly, and forced his attention back to the school building.

"Liar." Cas laughed and leaned back on Baby.

When Sam joined them, Cas resumed their talk about classes but this time Dean didn't feel overwhelmed while listening. Instead he made himself focus on how happy his brother looked when talking about different schools and programs.

"What do you wanna go into?" Sam asked.

It took a few seconds for Dean to realize he was talking to him. "Oh? Me?"

"Yeah. Who else?" Sam laughed.

"I dunno. I mean I'm a pretty good mechanic but-"

"You should get an engineering degree!" Sam nearly squealed, his voice squeaking, "I bet Bobby would let you co-own one day."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I think you're thinkin too much about this."

"Am not." Sam defended.

"I'll think about it, better?"

"Yes." Sam nodded curtly but grinned. "Thank you, Dean."

"Yeah, yeah." Dean scoffed, "Look we're here will you just get outta the damn car." Sam punched him swiftly, said goodbye to Cas, and scooted out of the car. "Where to?" He asked his boyfriend.

"Um? Why not just the mall? They have a tie store right?"

Dean felt slightly nervous when they made it to the mall. It wasn't like he hadn't held Cas' hand in public before, but it was usually around people his age. There were more strange and disapproving looks it seem. One old lady sniffed loudly at them, and another told him that they were both going to hell.

"The fuck is wrong with people?" Dean asked Cas when they finally made it to their store of choice.

Cas gave an encouraging smile, "It's crazy, right?"

"Definitely." Dean shook his head, and held up a tie, "What do you think about this one?”

“Cute…” Cas paused, then pulled another, “I like this one.” He held up a lighter gray one.

Dean rolled his eyes, “Whichever you choose will be great, we just gotta find a nice bowtie to match.”

“I’m on it.” Cas grinned, and walked to the store manager to ask. While Cas inquired further, Dean wandered around the store and mindlessly wandered through the rest of the collection. His gaze fell on a dark blue one that matched Cas’ eyes. He grabbed it and walked back to his boyfriend. “What if you wear this one?”

“We wouldn’t match…” Cas said slowly but smiled, “but, if you would like me to, I’ll wear whatever you want.”

“That could be pretty sexy.” Dean smirked, and nudged the other slightly. “We don’t have to. It’s just the same color as your eyes. That way when you wear it after the dance, you’ll always look sexy as fuck.”

“I don’t think ties can be ‘sexy’.” Cas noted, “And no I don’t want you hear your ideas on how they could be.”

“Buzzkill.” Dean accused, “C’mon, you buy the gray for me, and I’ll get you this nice blue one.”

“Wouldn’t that be the same price of just buying our own?”

“Yes.” Dean nodded, “But it’s a gift, you dork.”

He finally got the other to agree and they set off back to the car. Dean could see his boyfriend was still too out of it really talk about anything, so he simply held onto his hand on the drive back, and smiled whenever Cas began to stroke his hand with his thumb. Inside, they found Anna sitting in the living room. Dean looked at Cas and saw the same expression. It was weird that she would be home in the middle of the day.

“What’s up?” He asked her, hanging up his coat and taking off his snow ridden shoes.

She turned and smiled gently, “Hello Angel.”

Dean blushed a little, when he used that term it was usually in quite a different setting. He smiled when he looked at Cas, and wanted to kiss him, let him know how much of an angel he considered him.

“Why are you home? I mean. Not that I’m complaining...it’s just odd.” Cas continued and wandered to sit by his mother on the couch.

Now awkwardly standing by himself, he followed suit and sat beside Cas. Anna looked at them both, on closer inspection Dean could see that she had been crying and he swallowed deeply. ‘ _Relax Dean, just cuz she was crying doesn’t mean that everything is wrong. Breathe, it’s cool. It’s fine._ ’

“Just a hard day,” She smiled softly, “I’m feeling better.”

“Mom.” Cas sighed and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry you are feeling down. Would you like me and Dean to make you dinner?”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“We’d love to.” Dean said quickly. “Anything you want. You still gotta taste my cooking.”

She looked at the two of them, then smiled, “If you would like, I would be happy to join you two for dinner.”

“Awesome.” Dean said, then tapped Cas’ shoulder, “C’mon let’s get cookin, good lookin.”

“Oh my God.” Cas sighed and followed him into the kitchen.

Dean let himself dig through the pantry. As he reached for a box of rice, Cas wrapped his arms around him, hugging him from behind, and rested his head on Dean's shoulder.

"Cas?"

"Yes, Love?"

"I do need my arms to cook." Dean pointed out needlessly, Cas laughed and kissed the back of his neck before he let go. Dean turned and grinned, "Would you rather Hawaiian haystacks or teriyaki chicken?

"Mmm." Cas hummed, "Teriyaki. It's been awhile since we've had that."

"Awesome." Dean said proudly, and began poking around for everything else he was going to need. "Hey? You wanna text Sam on my phone and ask if he wants to come eat?"

"Can do, but I'm gonna use emoticons."

"Cas! It's literally just asking if he wants dinner why would you use emoticons?"

"Dear Sammy." Cas said aloud as he typed, "Dean and I are extending an offer. Would you care to join us? You may bring whomever you wish, winky face." He looked up at Dean. "Get the winky face? That's so he can invite Jess if he wants."

"No Cas. I woulda never got that." Dean said sarcastically.

"Good! I'm glad I mentioned it then!" Cas answered brightly, then continued the text, reading it as he went, "It's not a big party, balloon icon, but I would much enjoy your company. Big smiley face. Also, Dean would like to inform you that he loves you very much. Big yellow heart." He looked up again then said, "Sent."

"Jesus." Dean rolled his eyes, "That is the last time I let you do that."

"Why?" Cas asked innocently, tilting his head.

"Don't gimme that, I grew up with Sam. The puppy dog eyes champion."

Cas broke his facade and got up off his seat to stand right in front of him, "Yeah?" He asked when he was only a few inches from his face, "Well, I think I'm the only one who can change your mind doing this." He whispered, then kissed him gently, biting his lip when he leaned back.

"You got me there." Dean said, slightly out of breath, he pulled Cas back to him and kissed him once more, more innocently. "But, you're still not doing that from my phone again."

Dean continued to cook, amidst Cas clinging to him through the kitchen. After the chicken was set on low to cook, he went to the fridge to pull out some fruit, and a head of broccoli. Mid-slicing of the fruit he looked up to see Cas sitting across the counter, eating a banana. ' _Chill, he's not-_ ' he thought, then Cas licked slowly up the banana, then sucked on the top for half a second before he looked innocently at Dean and bit it off.

"Stop." Dean laughed. "Your mom is in the other room and I will not. Will not. Suck your dick with her in the other room."

Cas rolled his eyes, and took a large chunk of the fruit in his mouth before he bit it off, "Well. That doesn't mean I can't get you off."

Dean held up his butter knife, "Don't you fucking dare."

"Such language." Cas shook his head, "I won't right now, but you're mine tonight, Love."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Dean smirked, "But really, I don't need a boner while trying to cook."

Cas walked around the counter and held him from the side, he then kissed his neck again, making his mind wander to inappropriate places. "I promise I'll make it up later." Cas whispered in his ear, and began sucking a hickey into his shoulder.

"Fuck." Dean cursed quietly, and turned to face Cas, he pulled his chin up and kissed him, the food could wait.

Castiel responded to his touch quickly and set about rocking their hips together. "You're so pretty." He said in a deep, breathy, voice between kisses.

Dean only hummed in agreement, it wasn't worth the time to respond with words. He let his hands rest on Cas' hips and tug them closer. He began moving them at a more rhythmic pace and let Cas resume his work on his shoulder. He was half hard when he said, "Fuck. Cas we gotta go finish this-ngh-upstairs."

"What happened to you not wantin-"

"Shut up." Dean smiled, and kissed him. "Can we please go upstairs."

"Of course." Cas laughed and tugged him along behind as they went upstairs.

Anna didn't say anything as they went by, which he was grateful for, he didn't wanna have to try to make conversation while thinking about what they were gonna do next.  Cas closed the door gently behind them and led Dean to the bed.

"Sit?" Cas asked gently.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed, Cas stepped between his legs and began kissing him again. "Cas, please." Dean groaned, taking himself by at how desperate he sounded. Cas smiled at him, then kneeled, unzipping his pants. Dean threw his head back when Cas began to suck on his dick through his boxers.  Unthinking, he bucked upwards slightly, only to meet the resistance of Cas holding him down. Dean closed his eyes, putting all his concentration to letting Cas do whatever he wanted. When Cas finally began to bob on his cock he grab his hair, "Fuck. Cas. Jesus."

Cas released his mouth with a pop, then stroked Dean while he fiddled with his own pants, so he could touch himself while he sucked off Dean. With one hand gone, Dean was able to fuck Cas' mouth slowly. Cas looked up at him, with eyes too innocent, then let Dean move freely. Groaning his nestled his hands into Cas' hair and let instinct take over.

"I'm so close." He got out a few minutes later, already shaking. Castiel swirled his tongue around the slit on his cock and he let himself come in Cas' mouth. He laid on the bed and waited until he came back down before telling Cas to switch him.

When Cas sat on the edge of the bed, he grinned. "Lay down." He said quietly, then crawled between Cas' legs when he was fully on the bed.

"Your chicken is gonna burn."

"No it won't." Dean insisted. He pulled Cas pants down just far enough that there weren't any clothes the the way. Then kneeled between his legs and raised an eyebrow to his boyfriend, smirking he stroked Cas' cock a few times before he bent down and sucked on just the tip, just until Cas began to moan and tugged on his hair. After that, he took Cas' length in his mouth and hummed under its weight. Cas' hips bucked, and Dean let him, he stayed as still as he could while Cas fucked his mouth.

"Dean. I'm gonna-"

Dean steadied himself and waited, only a few seconds later he tasted Cas' cum in his mouth. As Cas was coming back down, he crawled on top of him and began kissing him slowly. "I love you."

Cas wrapped his arms around him, "I love you too." He laughed.

"Really though." Dean said after a moment. "We better go check on dinner."

✻✻✻✻✻✻

Thankfully, their dinner didn't burn. It was slightly overcooked but he simply presented it as if that was on purpose. Sam didn't end up coming over, but only because John refused to let him go. Dean had gotten his text when they returned downstairs, like Cas' text, it was full of emoticons but it had a much angrier overtone.

Halfway through their meal, Dean noticed a heavy atmosphere and looked at Anna then at Cas and back again. No one had spoken in a few minutes and the only noise came from the shuffle of silverware. Dean half smiled at his boyfriend then said, "I uh. I have some homework I need to finish...but I'll be back down to do the dishes."

"Dean," Anna smiled, "There's no need-"

Dean held up a hand, "It's an old Winchester rule, if you make the mess, you pick it up." He grinned. Granted, his father usually said that after he failed a class, got too drunk the day before and was hungover at school, or if something happened to Sammy. "I'll be upstairs." He got up to wash his dishes then hurried up the stairs. There had been a weird look in Cas' eye and he knew it was something he needed to talk to his mom about.

Dean sat on Cas' floor and unearthed his backpack from a pile of clothes. Pulling out his History homework, he dug around the bottom until he found a pencil as well. He flipped on some music on his phone, and pretended to not care about what was happening downstairs. Half hour later, his History homework done, he heard the clatter of dishes and raised voices.  He winced, at his house that either meant his Dad was about to go nuclear or slam the door and leave, he had no idea how it worked for other families.

The noise quieted again, and Dean pulled out his next homework assignment. His heart raced faster with every minute that passed. As this assignment was nearing its end he wondered if he should go see what was going on, before he could the door opened and Cas stood in the doorway with his head down. He gave one look to Dean then closed the door behind him and sank to the floor. Now holding his breath, Dean got up and walked over.

"Cas?" He asked softly.

Castiel buried his head in his arms and didn't look up, but said, "She's doing it again."

"Here." He said softly and helped Cas to his feet. "Let's at least sit on the bed, it's softer."

Cas nodded, but wiped his eyes and didn't look at him. He curled up on his bed, pulling a pillow to his chest and sitting cross legged. When Dean looked at him, he put his face down in the pillow.

Dean looked for any hint of what was going on, but ended up sitting next to him, pulling him into his chest. "We don't have to talk about it. We can just sit here." He assured, and ran a hand through the other's hair. He felt Cas shoulders shake and knew he had begun crying. Dean paused for a moment then began to sing.

" _There's so many wars we fought_  
 _There's so many things we're not_  
 _But with what we have_  
 _I promise you that_  
 _We're marchin on_  
 _We're marchin on_ "

He only sang the chorus, it was one of the three Onerepublic songs that he knew, but he knew that Castiel liked their music. When Cas' body shook he held him closer and kissed his head, "I'm so sorry. I mean...I don't know the details, but I am sorry you're sad." He said softly. He searched his brain for another song he could sing. All that was coming to mind was classic rock songs. He knew there was no way he could sing him "Hey Jude." At that rate he'd be crying too, instead he sang the other. It was the only song his dad had ever sung to him.

" _Carry on my wayward son_  
 _There'll be peace when you are done_  
 _Lay your weary head to rest_  
 _Don't you cry no more_ "

He paused, then sang his favorite verse, not caring that he skipped half the song, not caring that it was out of order.

" _On a stormy sea of moving emotion_  
 _Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean_  
 _I set a course for winds of fortune,_  
 _But I hear the voices say-_ "

His voice cracked and he realized he had begun crying as well. He didn't even know what he was crying for, or why Cas was crying. He finished the chorus once more then kissed Cas' head again. He hummed, "Hey Jude," but didn't even attempt to form the words.

"I'm sorry." Castiel said, after the song had finished and they sat silence. "I-hah-I'm not usually this emotional." He sniffed, "Also. I think you need a new shirt." He tried to laugh and pulled away. Cas walked to the other side of the room to get another shirt, even though Dean's pile of clothes was near the bed. He returned with a sweatshirt, "Here. This one is big on me."

Dean took the replacement but didn't switch, "Will you sit next to me?" He asked. When Cas was seated he took the liberty of wiping away and stray tears that Cas had missed. His boyfriend's eyes were red and swollen, his blue eyes looking pale in comparison. He kissed Cas softly, then hugged him again, "Did you want to talk?"

"Only if you switch shirts, or I'll be tempted to cry on this one some more." Castiel said joking but his voice shook.

Obediently, Dean changed and waited for Cas to begin.

"She's." He looked at Dean then at his hands folded in his lap, "She's cutting again." He paused, "I noticed at dinner. That's why she was home today. She has been staying with my aunt...she didn't trust herself. She hasn't been to work in four days."

"Did...did...I mean...does she still have a job?"

Cas nodded, "She took time off. I mean," he scoffed, "It's not the first time she's done this." He voice broken again, "I-I got mad at her."

"Cas, I'm sure she knows-"

"That was horrible of me. I've always been there a-and I just couldn't." Tears flowed down Castiel's face again, "I don't even wanna say it aloud again. Dean, how could I be so hard on her? She doesn't deserve that, she's trying...but why am I so angry..."

Dean scooted closer, "Cas. I don't know what it's like to have a parent that worries about me. I don't know what it's like to have a parent who accepts me for who I am. I also don't know what it's like to have a parent who...who-"

"Who tries to kill themselves all the time." Cas said, his voice bitter.

Dean took one of Cas' hands and kissed it. "Castiel Novak. You are the kindest person, the most understanding, I've ever met."

"I've punched two people and yelled at my mother in the last two days." Cas said dryly.

"Those assholes totally deserved it." Dean said quickly, "But there's not child out there who doesn't yell at their parents. Hell, you've seen my dad. I'm sure it's not that bad."

"It's pretty bad."

"Did she throw a lamp at you?" Dean asked with a small smile, "Because the trick is to duck at the last second. I mean, the lamp is total wreck but you only get the rebounded glass and not the full force."

"Dean." Cas laughed and tightened his hand, "I accused her of not loving me. I accused her of only caring about herself..."

"Where is she now?" Dean asked.

"She told me she's going to my aunt's but I'll have to text her to make sure she gets there..." Cas sighed, "Why am I not good enough? Is there more I should've done? What-why...why."

Dean pulled Cas into a hug, "Angel. You're more than enough, you're the best. You can only do so much before people have to do the rest by themselves. I know that's shitty advice but you do as much as you can. Cas. You gotta make sure to take care of yourself too."

"You're probably right." Cas sighed. "Will you text my aunt for me? I think I just need to sleep."

Dean agreed and let Cas lay down and bury himself under the comforter. He dug out Cas' phone and sent a vague text to his aunt Hester, then waited until she responded before climbing into bed as well. He put one arm around Cas and kissed the back of his neck. "I love you." He whispered.

Cas didn't answer but scooted closer to Dean, he had a sneaking suspicion he had started crying again, and could only tighten his grip and hold him until he fell asleep.

✻✻✻✻✻✻

When Cas's breathing became even and slow. Dean untangled himself and went downstairs to go clean up whatever mess there was. Surprisingly, there was only one shattered dish in the sink. He thought for a moment about the many messes he had cleaned up after an argument and this was definitely one of the more clean ones he'd ever seen. He sighed, and went to find the garbage can to put he rest of the glass in. After the glass was picked up, and taken outside to the trash, he got to work cleaning up the rest of the mess from dinner. He started with the easier things; the dishes, silverware, then moved onto the pots and pans. He took his time, knowing that with a night like Cas had had he would be completely out until the next day. Dishes in the dishwasher, he began to clean the counters and then swept the floor. It was nearly midnight when he finished, but it looked good as new. He smiled at his work then turned off the kitchen light and went back upstairs to his boyfriend. 

Just as he thought, Castiel was still asleep. Dean stripped off his jeans, digging out his phone before tossing them into the ever growing pile of his things. He looked at his messages and found a few from Sam. The first few were just rants about their old man and how ridiculous he was. Dean found himself chuckling at Sam's annoyance. It was usually him that got annoyed with everyone and it was strange to see Sammy so irritated. He sent a quick message, thanking Sam for all he did, and with reluctance, sent "I love you." at the end.

Yawning, Dean set an alarm for the next day, then set his phone on the bedside table next to Cas'. He then got under the covers and curled back up next to Cas, loving the warmth and wishing that tomorrow would be the day they planned it to be. A happy day, a day without chaos, a day they could have just to themselves.


	58. Chapter 58

Castiel woke to Dean’s face in front of him. He smiled at Dean’s freckles and reached a hand to stroke his face lightly. The alarm to get up for school hadn’t gone off yet, but his body refused to go back to sleep. Dean stirred under his touched and peaked one eye open. Castiel laughed at his confused expression and then apologized for waking him.

“Nah, it’s fine.” Dean said, but closed his eyes tightly again. “What time is it?” he yawned.

Castiel reached over him and looked at his clock. “We still have half an hour until we need to move.”

“Jerk.” Dean rolled his face into the pillow, “Now you’ve woken me up.”

Cas kissed his cheek, “I’m sorry...um. What did my aunt say?” he asked, worrying for the answer.

“Your mom got there okay.” Dean said turning back to him but yawning once more. “Cas...I wanna say somethin.”

Castiel shrugged, “Tell me.”

“I uh. I think it’s amazing your mom is comfortable talking about it. I mean. I think the real thing is being able to recognize that you have a problem. Like, my dad is a crazy alcholic who is a total asshole, but he thinks he’s the greatest father....I think it’s...a good step...that she knows she is falling short. Also! I don’t think you’re wrong for being sad. I mean. I would be.”

“Thanks Ghandi, but how do I fix this…”

“Assbutt.” Dean grumbled, “Just treat her like you always do. Talk to her. Help her. God, Cas I’ve been here, what? A week and a half? You do a lot for her, maybe stuff you don’t even realize anymore, I’m just sayin don’t write her off as a lost case.”

“I would never.” Cas said like this was obvious.

Dean scrunched his face, “You’re so sassy and grouchy before your coffee.”

“Shut up.”

“My point.” Dean said but continued his rambling, “I know that, and I know that you know that you would never, but does she?”

“She should.” Cas shrugged.

Dean sat up, and stretched, “I’m just saying. Tell her that. Now let’s go make you some damn coffee before you kill someone with that death stare.”

“Death stare?”

“Yes.”

Cas smiled and followed his boyfriend downstairs. He sat at the counter and let Dean make the coffee, when the cup was placed in front of him he grinned, “I fucking love coffee.”

“I know.” Dean said, and poured himself a glass, “You do have creamer right?”

Cas nodded but didn’t answer, he was letting his drink fill him with warmth. As his brain began to wake back up he saw that Dean was just finishing up making a pan of eggs, and wondered how he could zone out so much that he didn’t realize that before. Shaking his head he told himself it was just all the stuff going through his brain. He yawned and put his glass in the sink, “I’m going to go shower.” “

Awesome.” Dean said still looking at his food, “I’ll shower after, I need me some eggs.”

Upstairs, Castiel let the hot water roll over him and breathe in the steam. He had only had one cup of coffee but figured he could grab one more before they headed off for school.

Sooner than he would’ve thought, Dean came into the bathroom. “Hey. I’m just gonna brush my teeth. No hanky panky until tonight. Only kisses permitted. You hear?”

“Whatever you say, Winchester.”

✻✻✻✻✻✻

By first period, Castiel found himself in a much better mood. Granted, he still hadn't spoken to his mother but school lifted his spirits for once. He had brought along his large version of his entry for the next month and pulled it out to show Charlie all the differences. Like a good friend, she gushed over it, and winked at him when his teacher commented on the great anatomy of the subject.

"Shut up." He laughed at her when his teacher moved on. "I promised Dean no one would recognize him."

"I won't say a word." She answered truthfully.

"Thanks." He said honestly. The rest of the hour his finished his outline and sat back and looked at it. "Charcoal." He said more to himself than Charlie. He got up to pick out some pencils, a compressed bar, and a smudger, only to return to his seat when the bell rang. "Typical." He laughed and looked at Charlie who had bits of pencil shavings in her hair. "You look gorgeous."

"Save it for the boyfriend." Charlie smirked but finished up the area she was working on, and cleaned up as well. Together they set off for their next class, only three doors down it didn't take long to get there. Charlie found Tiffany and immediately began talking to her.

Cas took a seat beside the girls and patiently waited for them to acknowledge his existence again. Before they could do so, Dean was suddenly standing in front of him. "Oh! Dean, what are you doing here?" He asked.

Dean leaned over the table to kiss him. "Oh you know. I missed you."

"It's been an hour." Cas said, confused.

"So I'm not allowed to want to kiss my boyfriend?" Dean asked, looking to Charlie he rolled his eyes.

Something was off, "Dean...can I talk to you in the hall?" Cas asked, tugging the other with him into the hallway, "Really, what's up?"

"Nothing." Dean said, an odd smile on his face.

"I swear to God, if you don't tell me what hell is going-"

Dean held up a hand, "Fine. I may...I may have been worrying about you all morning and I panicked cuz you didn't text me back last period, so I came down here and you were fine."

Castiel smiled and tried not to laugh, he pulled on Dean's jacket and stepped closer, "I am sorry I worried you." He said quietly, "I really am okay. I mean, I think I panicked but you were right. She's trying, and that's a good sign. Right?" He felt his eyes water but blinked them back.

Dean pulled him into a hug, "I'm serious, you need anything. I'll be there. Like bam."

"You're a dork." Cas muffled into his shoulder then pulled back, "I gotta go to class and so do you."

"What would you do if I didn't? Hmm? Maybe we could play some hooky, go find a nice spot just to ourselves?" Dean mused. The bell for class to begin rang but Dean didn't let go of his hands.

"We agreed, we're just gonna kiss until tonight. So," Cas leaned up next to Dean's ear, "I'll just let you daydream about that place we have all to ourselves." He kissed Dean just below the ear, then stood back and grinned. "And I'll see you in an hour."

"That's so fucking rude." Dean sighed. "Fine. But I get to choose where we go for lunch."

"Fair enough." Cas replied and waved goodbye to Dean.

Dean was only three steps away when Chuck was rolling by the hallway, "Winchester."

"The one and only hot one." Dean smirked then winked at Cas and let Chuck walk him to his next class.

When he sat back down at his desk, Charlie had a smug look on her face then turned back to her picture, "The teacher asked where you were but...you know, that's none of my business."

"Will you relax?" Cas rolled his eyes. "Despite what you think, me and Dean don't have sex every time we see each other."

Tiffany giggled and Cas remembered this wasn't a class with only him and Charlie. A few students behind him were laughing too but he just shrugged. It had been a long time since he let anything like that bother him. Thankfully the rest of the hour passed without consequence.

One girl attempted to give him a pamphet about a church but he only looked at her and said, “Я сожалею, что я вас не понимаю.” Which threw her off completely, he smiled at Charlie when the girl left. “That’s how you do it.”

“What the hell did you even say?” Charlie asked.

Castiel shrugged, “I simply said, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand you.’”

“I gotta pick up Russian.” Charlie laughed. He spent the rest of the hour teaching her how to say small things in Russian; like how to introduce herself, asking where the bathroom is, and maybe a few curse words. Five minutes until the bell, he began picking up his things, making Charlie laugh at him. He brushed her off and held his head high, when the bell rang, he winked at her and set off for the lunchroom.

Dean was waiting for him by the doors. "Who is this sexy person?" He asked when Cas walked up to him.

"Hey." Cas grinned and kissed him, "What's for lunch?"

"I was thinkin, I don't get to take you somewhere nice for dinner...so how about a nice lunch?"

"Sounds romantic." Cas considered, "I'm all for it. Take it away."

Dean took his hand and led him to his car, they drove to a nearby Italian place that he'd never been in. Suddenly, he felt self conscious, the rest of the people attending the restaurant were well dressed, while they were both in large sweatshirts and worn jeans. Dean walked up to the host, "I have a reservation under Winchester." He said proudly.

The host looked at them once over then at his list. "Right this way, Mr. Winchester."

“Dean…” Castiel whispered when they reached their seats, “When...how?”

Dean beamed at him, “That day that we decided we were going to the roadhouse...I wanted to treat you still. Sorry I took ya by surprise but that was kinda the point.”

“It’s great.” He smiled, “I’d kiss you but I think the old couple next to us would somehow get us thrown out.”

“I’ll settle for a hand to hold.” Dean offered, then held out his hand. Despite being underdressed, Cas found himself only paying attention to his date. A few times Dean had asked him what he was smiling at, but he only shook his head, it had been a long time since anyone did anything this nice for him. This did give him an idea halfway through their meal.

“Dean?” He asked after a moment.

“Yeah?” Dean asked, mouth full of food.

He tried not to laugh then asked, “Would it be okay if I left you at my place on Saturday? I...I wanna take my mom out, just me and her. I mean. I would take you with but-”

Dean shook his head and held up a hand, “No worries, I can actually get my homework done. I think that’s a good idea.” He smiled at him making Cas want to kiss him again but he once again refrained.

“I’ll make it up to you.” Cas hinted and winked.

“See how could I say no?” Dean grinned.

As he suspected the day only got better as it went. Even through his Physics and English class things went smoothly. He past Dick Roman in the hall, after his last class, and laughed at the bandage over his nose.

Still chuckling, he pulled out his phone and walked to the library where he would have a quiet place to talk. He scrolled down to his mom’s phone number and stared at it for a moment before calling her. On the second ring she picked up. “Hi Mom.” He said softly, not knowing how she was going to react to talking to him.

“Hello Angel.” She said as if this was any other day.

He noticed her voice was tired but she seemed happy to hear him, “I’m sorry for what I said yesterday. It was rude and untrue. I love you. I love you more than anyone on the planet and I don’t even know why I said those things. If it would be okay... I was hoping I could make it up to you.”

There was a few seconds of silence and he worried until she spoke again, “I’m sorry.” She said quietly, “I shouldn’t be putting so much pressure on you. I love you too.” She laughed lightly, “I’m sorry I stormed out on you.”

“I left first.” He said softly. “I would like to take you to dinner tomorrow.”

After making plans, Cas hung up and sat a moment smiling to himself, then went to find Dean. He made it to the front doors of the building and found Dean outside talking with Sam and Charlie. Charlie looked like she was laughing at the boys who both wore matching faces of annoyance, laughing softly, he opened the doors and went to see what was going on.

“Dean! Now I’m all wet!” Sam was complaining.

“I warned you not to throw snow at me.” Dean said flatly.

“Well you’re the one who always says snow is the best weather. I was just trying to share!”

Charlie waved to him, “Hey Cassie, the boys are arguing, you wanna break it up?”

“Well. That depends.” He shrugged, “Dean what did you do to your brother?”

“Me?!” Dean asked astounded.

“He pushed me in the snow!”

Dean laughed proudly then looked at Cas, “I mean. I may...have pushed him in the snow pile behind the stairs.”

Cas rolled his eyes, then stood on his toes to kiss Dean, “I think you owe your brother an apology.”

“Fine.” Dean said quietly, “I’m sorry Sammy.” he said with a straight expression.

Sam punched him in the arm, “I’m not. Frikin jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean replied as usual. “Anyways. Charlie. We’ll see you in a couple hours. We’re all meetin there? I’m picking up Sammy, obviously...and I hope the rest of you make it there.”

Cas pushed Dean with his shoulder, “What he means is, if you need a ride. Call us.”

“Will do.” Charlie said with a salute. “I gotta go find my hot date.”

“Why don’t you just chill with us today, Sam?” Dean asked as they climbed into the Impala.

Sam rolled his eyes, “Duh. You thinkin I wanna sit between you guys making out all day?”

“Please, Sammy, give us more credit. That’s not all we do.”

Cas laughed sharply and tried to turn it into a cough, “Uh. Yeah. Sam you can hang out with us today if you would like.”

Sam still declined but agreed to go get Dean’s suit before they left the Winchester house. On the drive back to his house, Cas noticed Dean had an odd look on his face. “What’s up?”

“Nothin.” Dean shrugged.

“Dean.”

“Nothin.”

“Dean.”

“You think Sammy is gonna hit that tonight?”

Cas shook his head, “I wouldn’t know. I do know that I will be hitting this.” he laughed, and poked Dean’s tummy, “I think that’s all you should worry about.”

“Should I be worried?” Dean raised an eyebrow, and smiling.

“No.” Castiel answered honestly, “I’m just saying, it’s enough to keep you occupied until tonight.”

“Tease.” Dean accused and stuck out his tongue. “You wanna just watch a movie until we have to go?”

“I knew I liked you for some reason.” Cas said sweetly. Together they curled up on the couch and turned on Atlantis. Dean curled himself under his arm, and clung to him. Cas could feel his eyes getting heavily, ' _I'll just close them for a little bit._ ' He thought to himself. Before he knew it he fell asleep, and only woke when Dean nudged him as the credits were rolling.

"Hey sleeping beauty. We should probably get ready."

"Nooooo." Cas complained. "Let's just sleep instead."

"This was your idea, we're going."

Cas thought for a moment and furrowed his brow, "But...you asked me?"

"Shut up." Dean laugh and threw a pillow in his face. "Dibs on the shower!"

Cas watched as Dean ran up the stairs, "Can't I just shower with you?" He called up the stairs.

"No!" Dean shouted back, "We promised! Only kisses."

"You suck!"

"I know!"

Castiel laid on the couch and waited for the water to start before he headed up the stairs and got his things together. He found his own suit tucked in the very back of his closet. He couldn't even remember the last time he had a suit one, truthfully, the only reason he had one is because they had been on sale and his mother insisted they buy one.

Just as he laid it on the bed, Dean came stumbling in with a towel around his waist. "Your turn."

"Dean why do I even have to-"

Dean put a finger to his lips, "Shush. Go shower."

"You're so demanding." Cas rolled his eyes then kissed the other quickly. "You better look damn sexy when I get back."

"Promise."

Castiel let the hot water fall over his face, slowly waking him back up, the room was still steamy from Dean's shower and he took a deep breath of the hot mist around him. ' _Wake up. Come on. Big night. Dean's really happy about it._ '

Eventually, he dragged himself out, and went back to his bedroom, slightly more awake. Dean stood in front of the mirror on the other side of the room, he was fiddling with his tie, trying to make it sit flat.

Quietly he shut the bedroom door then said, "You look gorgeous."

Dean spun on his heel, "Damn you walk quietly." He said with a grin, then turned back to the mirror, "We should put bells on you or somethin."

Cas rolled his eyes and began putting on his clothes. "Maybe you just need to listen better."

Dean turned back around as he was pulling on his shirt. He stood a moment and stared at him then smiled, "You're so fucking sexy."

Cas looked up confused, "I'm literally just putting on a shirt."

Dean walked over to him and put his hands on his exposed hips then tugged him closer by his belt loops, "You're so fucking sexy." He said again the a low voice.

Cas was only a few inches from his face, smiling, "Dean." He whispered, "You're making me dizzy."

"Oh?" Dean asked innocently, "I didn't know." He brushed their lips together and smiled, "I'm excited to dance with you. Show you off. God, Cas."

Cas felt shivers go up his back, "I'm happy about it too...but can I get dressed?"

"We could just...skip to the end of the night." Dean mused, kissing him slowly.

Castiel took a deep breath, "Dean. We gotta get ready. At least I do."

"Fine." Dean sighed and let him go.

"Besides. I think Sammy would be upset if you ditched him for sex."

Dean shrugged, "I'm gonna go warm up Baby, hurry up."

"You'd think I was holding you here." Cas rolled his eyes but finished putting on his clothes. Fully dressed, he ran his hands threw his hair in the mirror, trying to give it some sort of styled look then hurried to the car where Dean was waiting. Dean eyed him up at down as he got in and only smirked, then drove to pick up his brother from Jess’ house.

Sam escorted his date out of the house, making sure she didn’t step in any snow or slide on ice.

"You look lovely." Cas said when Jess got into the car.

"Thank you." She beamed, "Sam had to help me with my hair." She giggled at this then said, "You two look nice as well."

"Oh Jess." Dean rolled his eyes, "It's okay to admit I'm the hottest person in the car. Sammy has known this forever and Cas here, he's a damn close runner up."

Cas pushed him slightly, "Ignore Dean. He's not used to being the second most attractive."

"You got me." Dean smiled and held his hand out for Cas to hold, "No frikin onions Cas."

"And if I do?"

"Jesus." Sam said from the back seat. "We get it. You love each other. Can we talk about something else other than you two lovebirds?"

"Sammy." Dean feigned shock, "I am appalled. Who taught you such language."

"You did." Sam said flatly making Jess and Cas laugh hysterically the rest of the way to the restaurant.

When they pulled up they saw Charlie and Tiffany waiting for them, along with Jo and Victor. Once everyone was out, Dean locked the doors and hurried up the steps to talk to Vic.

While everyone was saying hello he pulled Charlie aside. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course." Charlie grinned. "Hey Deanie!" She called, "Would you mind escorting my date inside? I gotta talk to Cassie for a minute."

Dean saluted her seriously and took Tiffany's arm, leading her like a queen into the Roadhouse. Cas waited until they were all inside then took both Charlie's hands. "I wanted to say thank you."

"For?" She asked seriously.

"For never giving up on me actually talking to Dean. For convincing Dean to talk to me and stop being the stubborn ass he is. For staying my friend when I was a stupid asshole myself." He said quickly. She still looked slightly confused and he pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry for being weird. A lot has happened and I just...I wanna make sure those around me know how important they are. I wouldn't be here without you."

"What are besties for?" She laughed patting his back, "Let's go inside. I'm freezing my ass off."

They walked up the steps and she gave his hand a quick squeeze. "I love you too, Cassie."

Just as they were pulling on the door, lights shrouded them and they turned to see another car pull in. Kevin and Adam quickly got out and hurried up the steps. The two had chosen gold ties, and Cas smiled at how cute they looked. Adam held out his hand for Kevin to take and they smiled brightly together.

"Hey guys." Kevin beamed, "Sorry we lost track of time."

Castiel noticed that a small blush had filled Adam's face but he knew better than to ask for more questions. "No worries. We all just arrived as well. The rest are inside, however, should we join them?" He asked holding the door open for the other three to pass by.

Inside Dean was patting a seat beside him, “Hey.” He said when Cas sat down and took his hand, “How’s my sexy boyfriend?”

“He’s probably not as sexy as my boyfriend.” Cas replied and kissed Dean on the cheek, “So. What are we eating?”

“Burgers.” Dean said simply, "I got you a double with mushrooms, and no stupid onions.”

“What do you have against onions?” Cas giggled.

“I just don’t like kissing you when you taste like a nasty onion.”

“I’ll remember that for when you’re pissing me off.”

“Oh?” Dean asked, leaning closer. He just about kissed him when a roll his Dean in the face. Cas laughed and Dean looked slightly offended, “Who the hell?”

Charlie sat with her head facing the other way and whistling, “I just wanted to remind you that it isn’t just you two here.” She shrugged when Dean asked her about it.

"So you threw food at me?” Dean asked.

“I voted on water, but I got shot down.” Vic added from across the table.

Castiel laughed harder, and gave a thumbs up to Charlie, “That was a nice shot.”

“Traitor.” Dean grumbled but returned his attention back to the rest of his friends.

The rest of dinner passed without consequence, Castiel had to talk himself up to talking with the rest of the group but found when he did that he could see why Dean had become friends with them. Jo and Vic brought out a side of Dean which he usually didn’t see. He saw Dean laugh loudly and joke at himself. He was so used to Dean being happy but putting everyone else’s happiness before his own. It was interesting to see how Dean was so relaxed with Jo, in some ways it seemed like he got along better with Jo than he did with Sam. Not that the boys had a bad relationship but Dean was able to joke with her like she was another sibling. When Dean talked with Sam it always seemed like he was trying to hold himself in a higher light, like he had to prove he could take care of Sam. With Jo, Dean was more like himself. The Dean that Cas knew, jokey, sarcastic, and simply happy to be within the company of someone who wanted them around. It made him smiled so much that Dean looked at him like he was crazy and asked him what was wrong.

“Nothing.” Cas shook his head, “Nothing, I’m just happy that you’re happy.”

“That’s cute.” Dean shook his head and kissed him, “You’re a frikin dork.”

“I know.” Castiel grinned and kissed him again. “You better pay attention to the group again or they’re going to throw something at you again.”

“Mmm.” Dean pushed his lips on Cas’ cheek, “Might be worth it.”

Cas ran his hand along Dean’s jaw and brought their lips together again, “We’ll see.”

Dean kissed him back slowly and Cas felt his awareness of the room disappear.

“Hey! Dean!” Sam was yelling at them, “We’re all getting up to leave and I’d like a ride to the dance.”

“Hang on a minute Sammy.” Dean said quickly then kissed him again.

“I could just take the keys.”

Dean sat back, and raised an eyebrow at Sam, “You do and you die.” then turned back to Cas, “You ready?”

Cas only nodded, still dizzy from kissing Dean. “Let’s go, Gorgeous.”

The car ride was quiet except for Dean singing along to the radio. Sam was in the backseat whispering with Jess and Castiel found himself looking out the window and admiring the scenery. As soon as they parked, Charlie ran up to the car and tapped on their window to hurry them along. It began to snow again as they walked into the building.

"It's kinda weird being here at night, right?" Dean said, observing the hallways.

"It's exactly the same by building."

"Yeah but there's no crazy people running in the hall, no teachers."

"There's teachers in the gym." Cas pointed out.

Dean rolled his eyes, "Smart ass."

In the gym they found the rest of the group, Jo had managed to somehow fit a bottle of whiskey and vodka in her purse, and was offering, anyone who wanted one, a shot. Cas agreed to a few, only because he knew all the greasy food he has just eaten would make him keep his senses a bit longer.

The first song was a slow one and Dean held his hand out in invitation. Sam, Vic, and Adam followed his lead while Charlie and Tiff disappeared into the hallway, with a bottle from Jo's purse.

Dean stepped into the leading position and casually swayed side to side, "I'm gonna apologize now. I have no idea how to dance."

Cas laughed, "No one does. Except ya know professionals and well, those who love dance...my point is no one's gonna notice."

Dean grinned and put his head into his shoulder, "I'm glad I have you, Cas."

"Likewise." Cas smiled and took over lead while Dean rested his head. There was a tap on his shoulder and he looked to see Jo standing behind him.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" She asked.

"Not at all. I should warn you he steps on feet."

"Hey!" Dean defended, "I do not."

Laughing, Cas wandered to a table that had drinks laid out. He grabbed a coke and saw Meg standing on the other side of the table. Staring out at the dance floor. "Would you like to dance?" He asked her.

Meg looked up, surprised to see him, "Art boy." She smiled, "Only if your date allows it."

Cas pointed to Dean dancing with Jo, "I think he'll be okay."

Once out on the floor she spoke again, "You didn't just come ask me because I was alone did you? I don't do pity very well."

"Not at all." Cas shrugged, "My partner was simply busy and thought 'why not', you were the one asking me out."

"True." She smiled, then looked at the floor, "He's a lucky guy."

"It's me that's lucky." Cas said simply. "He's..." He paused and tried to think of the right word.

"Yeah." Meg nodded, "That Winchester is somethin else."

Cas blushed and looked for another topic, "Your dress is nice. You look great in purple."

"Thanks Cassie." She said, "That tie doesn't do justice for your eyes."

"Really? Dean said it was the same color."

Meg shrugged, "It's close. Your eyes have more depth, more heart."

"I'll inform the tie company."

Meg laughed loudly, then stood back, "Deano spotted me."

Cas was halfway turned when he saw Dean at his shoulder. He faced Meg again, then kissed her hand, "Thank you for the dance."

"Any time, Art Boy. Now if you'll excuse me I better rejoin my date as well." She smiled, and gave a halfhearted wave to Dean.

Dean stood in front of him, "I missed you."

"It's been like ten minutes."

"Shut up." Dean laughed. "Are we gonna dance or are you gonna keep being a smart ass?"

"I don't see why I can't do both." Cas figured, then kissed Dean. One dance then I'm gonna go sit."

"Lame." Dean inferred then took Cas back to the group to show him off as they danced together. "Jo? Isn't my date sexy?"

"I mean he's cute." She shrugged, "But I don't think he's my type."

They danced for another hour, switching partners on whims and enjoying each other's company. Cas had to literally pull himself away from Dean to go sit and get a drink. Laughing he sat down beside Kevin and offered a toast to their evening. He always felt bad he didn't know Kevin better. From his point of view it seemed they would have a lot in common.

"How is your night?" He asked brightly, feeling a slight effect from the alcohol Jo had given him.

Kevin grinned back, "It's great. How are you guys doin?" He asked motioning with his head towards Dean.

Cas looked at his boyfriend on the dance floor, he was now dancing with Adam and he chuckled,"We're great. It looks like you guys are doing better too."

"Yeaaah." Kevin agreed then blushed, "He's kinda quiet and opinionated at first...but he's sweet."

Cas nodded, "Dean is kinda the same. Except he's flirty with everyone."

"That doesn't bother you?"

"Nope." Cas answered honestly, "I trust him. Besides. He knows I'd kick his ass." He joked.

Dean appeared like he knew they were talking about him. "Guys. How you be?"

"We're great." Kevin answered. "I think my date is free I'm gonna go dance." He said quickly and got up.

"Was it me?" Dean laughed lightly then sat beside him.

"You're perfect." Cas smiled and laced their fingers.

"And you're buzzed."

"Yes." Cas nodded. Then said,"I wanna hold you."

Dean stood back up and tugged him to the dance floor. "That can be arranged." Cas let Dean pull him close as another slow song began, and rested his head on his shoulder.

"You wanna ditch these losers?" He asked quietly.

"Are you hitting on me?" Dean asked pretending to be abashed.

"Yes." Cas answered flatly. "You go check with Sammy and I'll talk to Charlie."

"I thought she was makin out in the hall?"

Cas pointed to the other side of the room where Charlie was talking to some of the other art students. "Meet you by the exit." He smiled.

"Sneaky. I like."

Castiel walked over to Charlie and found they were talking about him. He felt his face flush a little bit and chimed into the conversation, "What was that about Castiel?" He asked, hopefully more confident than he felt.

"Just sayin how lucky you are." Charlie grinned, "Half these girls wanna take Dean to the back parking lot and have their way with him."

A few girls laughed, some blushed, but Castiel smiled. "I'm sorry but he's taken." He winked, "Speaking of which. We're gonna turn in for the night. Charlie? Call me tomorrow and we'll go get breakfast."

"I hope you mean after at least eleven."

"If I got out of bed earlier it would be a miracle." Cas nodded, then gave a quick kiss on the cheek to Charlie. "Love you."

"Go tell, Freckles." Charlie laughed, "See you tomorrow and no, I don't wanna hear all the dirty details."

"Wasn't gonna tell ya." Cas called behind him and walked to the doors.

Dean was leaning against the door frame and held out a hand when he came close. "Ready?"

Cas claimed his hand and lead him outside. "I should be asking you that."

"Then the answer is hell yes." Dean said with a straight face and climbed into Baby. "What took so long with Charlie."

"Nothin really." Cas shrugged, "The other girls were jealous that you're mine."

Dean smiled and looked out the window. Cas couldn't see his face but he knew that Dean was pleased by this comment and was trying to hide how much it made him smile. Huffing a laugh, Cas reached over to hold the other's hand while they drove.


	59. Chapter 59

Dean felt his nerves grow when they entered the house. The last time they had sex it was a merely a whim, slowly he began to panic that Cas wouldn't feel the same emotions.

When Cas closed the door Dean stared at him a little wide eyed. "What's wrong?" Cas laughed, stepping forward and took hold of Dean's tie to pull him closer.

Dean swallowed, "Nothin." He said quickly but saw the doubt of the other's face. "I'm nervous..." He admitted quietly, "What if you don't like-"

Castiel cut him off with a kiss. "Trust me. I'll always like."

Dean let himself focus solely on Cas; his lips, his tongue, his hands. Before he knew it, he realized he was leaning on the wall, how he got there he didn't know. Dean's hands shook and he let them rest on Cas' hips. Cas grinned against his lips and cupped his face.

Lost on Cas, Dean realized they were halfway up the stairs. "How?"

"Magic." Cas said seriously, then asked, "Did you know?" He whispered in Dean's ear, "this is where I wanted to fuck you against the wall?"

"Precarious." Dean got out, while Cas found his neck.

Castiel only hummed and pulled him along the rest of the way up the stairs. "Not today though."

"Why not?" Dean found himself asking.

Cas grinned and pushed Dean back on the bed, sliding off their jackets, and feeling his way up his shirt. "I'm going to make love to you. Sweet, soft, love."

"What's-" Dean moaned, "What's the difference?"

"I'll show you." Cas smiled deviously.

Dean wanted to banter more but couldn't find words as Cas began kissing his neck again. While his teeth scraped softly on his skin, Cas' hands had somehow opened his shirt fully and was tracing his nipples, just lightly, just enough to perk them up.

Subconsciously, Dean rolled his hips up, desperate for friction. Cas chuckled and moved from Dean's neck and began to kiss slowly down his chest, stopping at freckles he found interesting or spots where Dean twitched after Cas' lips graced them.

"Jesus." Dean moaned.

Cas pulled Dean into a seated position and took off Dean's shirt and tie slowly, then kissed him chastely on the lips. "I'm going to make you feel loved."

"Trust me-ngh-I do."

Cas smiled and pushed Dean back slowly on the bed, the pulled off his own tie and shirt. Dean let his hands wander the other's chest. To his delight, there was a visible shiver from Cas and he rolled his hips down. Giggling, he took Dean's hands and placed them above his head onto the bed.

"Tonight is for you." Cas whispered into his ear, and made sure Dean's hands stayed to himself before he continued.

After kissing near everywhere on his upper half, Cas asked quietly, "Is there anywhere that doesn't feel loved so far?"

Dean huffed a breathy laugh, "I don't fucking know. My elbows?" He said sarcastically.

Disregarding his sarcasm Cas lifted Dean's arms again to kiss each of his elbows, then winked at Dean. He kept eye contact while he slowly got Dean out of his pants. Now in only his boxers Dean began to feel self conscious.

If Cas noticed, he ignored it, and kissed Dean on all the new open skin. He placed innocent kisses around the edge of his boxers and then along Dean's already hard cock through the fabric. Cas tugged slightly on the waistband and pulled off his last article of clothing.

Scooting down, Cas kissed his thigh, slowly up to the base of his cock then started back down on the other side, earning him the praise of a whimper, that Dean was surprised came from his mouth.

Smiling, Cas stood to take off his pants, but left his boxers, then stroked Dean a few times. Working his fingers from a light grip then slowly getting tighter as he neared the tip, then back down his shaft in the same loose grip. Dean found himself bucking into Cas' hand and didn't care how pathetically desperate he looked.

"Cas." He breathed, "Please."

Cas simply nodded and replaced his hands with his mouth. This was a completely different experience but much more pleasant. Cas' mouth was warm around his pulsing cock, it took all his focus not to fuck Cas' mouth unrhythmically.

Dean let his head roll back onto the bed, unable to watch Cas and keep any level of composure. Cas released his cock with a wet pop and sat back on his heels. Dean looked up, and saw Cas grab the lube from the bedside table. He would've panicked but he felt too relaxed to even move his fingers. Cas smiled at him knowingly, and pulled a pillow from the head of the bed to place under Dean's hips.

"Finally." Dean breathed.

Cas kissed his hipbone and smiled up at him, "Almost." He said then kissed the other hip, "Patience."

"You say that but I'm gonna cum all over your face if-"

Castiel wasn't listening, he had resumed sucking on his dick but this time, a finger was circling his hole and Dean gripped tightly onto Cas' hair to keep from bucking. Just when he felt he was going to cum, Cas sat back and let one finger in and used his other hand to massage his balls.

"This is so goddamn unfair." Dean complained in a heavy voice.

Cas only grinned and added more lube and a second finger. "You look so sexy like this." He cooed, "All shakey and desperate." He crooked his fingers to glide over Dean's prostate.

Dean stared at the ceiling again. "How the fuck do you still have boxers on?" He asked, trying to focus on something other than the pleasure he was receiving. ' _You can't cum yet. Jesus. That'd be stupid._ ' He told himself.

Suddenly there was warm breath on his neck, "Would you like them off?" Cas asked in his ear.

Dean only nodded and couldn't help but watch as Cas stripped off his last item of clothing. With more lube and now a smile, full of what Dean could only call greed, Cas entered a third finger and Dean moaned at the feeling. He felt so full, so relaxed, so excited, so loved. He closed his eyes and let himself only think of Cas. There was a slight loss from Cas' fingers, but it was soon replaced by the tip of Cas' dick. Dean looked again and groaned as Cas slowly slipped into him.

"Love." Cas called him, "You're so tight. So warm." When he built up a slow pace, Dean was reduced to putting his hands on Cas' arms, his mouth slightly open, lost for any sort of words.

Fully sheathed, Cas kissed him slowly, earnestly, wanting, just like their first kiss. "Fuck." Dean gasped when Cas pulled back, resuming his agonizingly slow pace. "Cas please."

Pleased, Cas took hold of his cock once more, which now was dripping precum all over Cas' fingers. Dean was torn between staying still and wanting to fuck Cas' warm hand. Just when he got in a place he could control his thoughts, Cas picked up his pace, making Dean start from square one.

"I'm gonna-" Dean started but didn't dare finish, he knew it would only be seconds. Cas kept up his quick pace and leaned forward, kissing Dean, and slowing pushing their bodies together until they were flush against another. Cas was still moving in and out but it was now at a manic pace. His mouth returned to his favorite place on Dean's neck, sucking hard on any skin that would fit in his mouth.

"Will you come for me?" Cas asked, almost innocent, snaking his hand between them to stroke his cock. This was all it took, Dean let his release pump over Cas' fist and shook at the pleasure he was still receiving.

"Cas." He breathed, "Babe. Angel."

This sent Cas over as well. He shook and his mouth went slack in pleasure, "Dean." He breathed, and pulled out slowly, tying off the condom and throwing it in the small garbage can near the bed.

Still coming back down, Dean pulled Cas down on top of him and held him close. They both breathed heavily and let their hands wander each other's sweat soaked skin.

Cas giggled then kissed him passionately. "I love you."

Dean shook his head, "Only you could giggle after sex like that. Holy fuck. You are fucking heaven sent."

Cas snuggled up against him, playing, once again with the spot just below his ear. Biting softly every so often. "I gotta ask." He asked between kisses. "Do you feel loved?"

"More than I have words." Dean answered honestly. Cooled down, his mind began to catch back up. "Cas. My eyes are heavy. I'm sorry if I-" he yawned, "I might fall asleep."

Cas was curling himself closer and pulling a blanket over the two of them, their sweat finally doing its job and rapidly was cooling them down. Dean could tell he was nearly asleep; Cas' hands were circling his back, the warmth of the blanket, Cas' steady breath, all working together to lure him to sleep.

He nuzzled his head into Cas' chest and said, "Night, Angel of mine." Before he closed his eyes, he yawned once more and heard Cas say in a low, barely audible, voice.

"Goodnight, Love."

✻✻✻✻✻✻

~Five months later~

Sam woke up, slightly hungover from the night before. He scratched his head and went downstairs in search of food.

He had long gotten over Dean not making his breakfast anymore. Ever since 'The Fight', as they called it, Dean only came over when their dad was out of town and every so often Sam would stay at the Novak house if he ever felt like John might be hostile.

He stared blankly at the wall ahead of him, the house was practically silent, the only noise coming from the clang of his spoon against the bowl. Once he cleaned up his mess he returned to his room to change. It wasn't like he was going to school so he didn't bother to shower.

Five minutes later he set off for Cas' house, sick of being bored at his place. The air was beginning to warm with the smell of summer and Sam smiled at the thought of his brother graduating. Tomorrow his brother would walk with his class and Sam couldn't even put into words how happy this made him.

He gave a light knock on the Novak's door but no one answered. Dean's car was still parked out front so he knew the boys were there. Figuring, or rather hoping, they wouldn't be on the couch completely naked, Sam took the initiative to walk in the house.

Dean and Cas were curled up against one another on the couch, fast asleep, and thankfully clothed. Dean was laying on Cas' chest with one hand curled around the other's neck. Cas was holding Dean like he was a glass doll, too fragile to break, too precious to barely hold.

Sam smiled at them. He had long grown used to finding them like this. Dean didn't even look embarrassed anymore when they were discovered somewhere sleeping together. Chuckling quietly he found a blanket in the hall closet and placed it over the two, then sat on a nearby chair.

He took a look around the room, and noticed they had gotten around to hanging Cas' drawing of the angel, the blue ribbon it won hanging over the edge of the frame. Sam had smirked when he realized it was Dean in the picture but his brother swore it wasn't.

Laughing silently at how sappy his brother was he took a picture of the two of them with the caption Love Birds then sent it to Jess and Charlie. Sam sighed and let his head rest back on the chair and texted Jess. It wouldn't be too long until the boys woke up, that, and he didn't have the heart to wake them. Sam had never seen his brother more happy than when he was with Cas, and if that meant he spent a little while alone while they slept, then it was worth every minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who followed along with this. I really appreciate it. Lots of love to all of you.


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